My sister doesn’t understand. She calls me a slut for kissing guys at parties when all I really wanted was to figure out if I would keep feelings for one of them after.
She calls me a slut for going back to a guys house for the first time to see how far I would let it go.
She says that my first relationship wasn’t a real one because I didn’t do anything sexual with him and I never hung out with him because I knew I had lost feelings but I didn’t want to break up with him because I felt bad.
I don’t think I’d ever be able to come out to her as arospec because she wouldn’t believe me. She doesn’t know how much it hurts when she calls me a slut in front of all our friends, or says she doesn’t believe that I stopped kissing people for months because I finally realized that I wouldn’t actually feel anything.
It’s the little things that she says and does that are slightly aro-phobic which hurt the most. Someone that you feel so incredibly close to can hurt you in ways that no one else can, without even knowing it. And yet I don’t say anything.
I let her carry on because no matter how much I try to convince her otherwise she still thinks I’m a slut. Because she’s only kissed and had sex with one guy. I’m happy for her. But I’m also happy for me. I feel like I finally have started to figure out what I like and what I don’t. And maybe only three people know that, but maybe one day, I’ll feel courageous enough to sit her down and explain everything.
Maybe one day I won’t be scared.
