#illustrationsketch

After another wave of legal stuff, I was debating myself quite a while now, and I decided to continue with this art process, mainly because to move on to easier and happier projects much sooner, not letting the heavy feelings I have inside linger. Just be warned that I'm going to talk about grief in great detail in the next posts, because this drawing is closely tied to my feelings and how in such an early stage of my life I processed - and still processing - the loss of the second parent, this time my role model.

So since the doctor called to tell me the bad news, I had to start somewhere, and I ended up with worldbuilding. Fortunately, I was already working on my version of moon elves, and their deity fitted the bill perfectly: my homebrew Moonmaiden, who paints the night sky with souls of the dead, giving them the opportunity to watch over their relatives, shining their safe way in the dangers of night, being there during the day as well, though invisible. Like the dead. They can't be seen, but their memory keeps them alive still.

The sketching process was easy - I was still in shock, in denial, and I still had hope that in the end everything works out. I kept clinging on words, like "may", "there's a possibility", "is stable right now", imagined that this is the darkest hour of the story, but it's going to be fine. Life shouldn't be this cruel to take away my parents, right? I still need someone to rely on if something sudden happens to me, I need a safe place to go back to, my future children (if I ever have one) will need a grandparent. Who am I going to ask about difficult situations if not my parent? I convinced myself that it's only a false alarm - probably to protect myself before crumbling to pieces -, even though deep down I knew it will be over soon.