my moms since-highschool best friend is dying completely unexpectedly. her kidneys and liver are failing and she's going into hospice. i grew up with her daughter and she always was another parent/mom in my life. her daughter is a year younger than me. we went camping all the time, i stayed at their house constantly. i remember their string of dogs and going to her daughters fear factor themed birthday party where i tried tapioca pudding for the first time ("goosebumps", we were 9-11 i think)
it hasn't really hit me, i don't deal with death or loss well i don't think and spend most of my time not thinking about it but every time i do i just. sit and cry and i'm trying so hard to let myself feel it but whew!!! whew.
and i won't be able to see her if she passes or be able to attend anything because of covid and i rarely feel like i need to be there for. events but my heart hurts so much
