#ifshehadwings

3. list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with. This shouldn’t be hard, but it is, because I collect fandoms/interests like loose change and at any given time either I can name 37 or I can’t even remember 2. My brain is weird. But, here’s what I’ve come up with. (This list is not comprehensive.) 

Marvel: Loki, of course. 

Marvel Netflix: Jessica Jones. I don’t know how to explain this except that I feel like she is literally me, but the version of me I would be if I wasn’t also shy and awkward and endlessly polite, because that’s just how I was raised. (I would love to be as rude as Jessica is, because I’m not overly fond of people in general, but I mentally clutch my pearls just imagining it.)

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D: I relate to May a lot, because she’s the one who is viewed as emotionless and cold but there’s a lot going on under the surface and I’m a lot like that, in that I repress my emotions until I’m not even sure they exist anymore. So, that’s fun. 

The Paradise: Clara, because she wasn’t a bad person, but her jealousies and insecurities made her act out in cruel ways. I don’t act out cruelly, but I’ve definitely felt that perpetual sense of inferiority, wherein you project your shortcomings onto someone who seems perfect, as if it’s their fault you’re not, and so you just hate them, even though they haven’t actually done anything to you. 

The L Word: Jenny Schecter, but only season 1 Jenny Schecter, when she was normal. (Normal is relative, of course, because she’s always had issues, but what I mean is, in the later seasons she completely lost her marbles and was insufferable and that’s not the version of her character I can relate to.) 

19. which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle? I never really got into Harry Potter, to be honest, but I always thought I was a Ravenclaw because that seemed to be the house that shared the most characteristics with my general personality. Then @deathisnoparenthesis sat me down and explained in very specific detail why I was actually a Gryffindor, and it made a lot of sense when I actually thought about it. 

29. three songs that you connect with right now. At this very moment (with the disclaimer that I am incredibly fickle with music and this could change in an hour), I am feeling:

“Whatever It Takes” by Imagine Dragons, because it very much feels like a Loki song to me and I especially like the lyric I’m an apostrophe, I’m just a symbol to remind you that there’s more to see. Like, that’s deep, bro. 

“Youth” by Daughter, which I discovered because someone made a Loki/Sigyn music video set to it, and even though I don’t ship them, the video was lovely and the song itself is just very melodic and soothing and also Loki (do you sense a pattern here). 

“No Tears Left to Cry” by Ariana Grande, because I just think it’s catchy. 

Thank you for the ask! 

2. Favorite LGBT singer/instrumentalist? Ahh too many great artists. Honestly, queer people make the best music. I like Amanda Palmer, Mary Lambert, Vermillion Lies (also Kim and Zoe Boekbinder individually), Against Me!, The XX, Queen, Scissor Sisters, Lady Gaga… and so many more that I can’t think of right now.

6. How long did your questioning process take (if you’re not still going through it)? I feel like I am constantly questioning. I’m just really slow to come to terms with stuff. Like.. I knew I liked girls in high school (maybe even in jr high), but I didn’t really identify as queer until I was an adult. Now I am having Gender Stuff. I’m basically usually uncertain of who I am always.

@ifshehadwings replied to your post: is it okay to let your straight friend completely...

Yeah, it sounds like taking a step back would probably be best for you. If someone is really just dead set on something, no amount of information or advice is going to help them. And you have to look out for your own wellbeing. You’re a good friend to try to help though. I can’t really relate either. There was a time in my life when I REALLY wanted a romantic relationship but I still never would have uprooted my life for someone I’d known for such a short time.

Seriously, she said it doesn’t cause that? Flat affect and dulling of emotions is a potential side effect of basically every psych med ever, just like suicidal ideation, depression, and anxiety.

It’s possible that the Wellbutrin is affecting you like this, but it’s also possible that the Adderall is doing it. The question is when you first noticed the flat emotions: was it before or after you started taking Adderall?

Talk to your psych again and ask if you have other options to deal with all of this.

I have had to clock in to every office job I've ever had? That's not like ... unusual? At my last job I didn't need to be there at an exact time bc the work I was doing wasn't really time-dependent, but ... I still had to clock in .... so I could get paid???                   

Ngl, yeah, I get a lot of our doubts feels from the most random of sources, so I totally get it! :P One of the lines that’s really stayed with me for this arc is from Dan Hill’s Sometimes When We Touch (I know, it’s the ultimate love song, what even): “I’m just another writer / trapped within my truth / a hesitant prize fighter / still trapped within my youth”.