#idol!bts

You had really wanted to attend a BTS concert before their inevitable disbandment (even if it won’t come for many years), but at this point, you feel that it just might not be a stop in your current path. The tickets were expensive, as you were unable get presale, and the reselling prices were outrageously horrendous. So, you settled with treating yourself to a week in LA before the concerts were to take place.

You had plans to go to all of the symbolic Los Angeles tourist spots, something you’ve always wanted to do, along with the Line Friends store, where the BT21 line was sold. You had a Chimmy and a RJ plushie, and Shooky was next on your list. You wanted the entire collection, but your budget would not allow that if you were to still have money to travel home afterwards.

Sitting on your blanket covered bed, you moved to get dressed for the day, your body awake and ready for the day. The only thing you had planned was to walk around, especially after you left the Line store. You didn’t know what to expect of the popular store, but you knew that it would be busy. With this in mind, you picked out your favorite t-shirt and leggings, something you knew would not aid in the overstimulation that might come.

You tried to do everything you could to not become overstimulated, choosing safe clothes and having your hair back in a braid. In your small backpack you had headphones, hand sanitizer, a mask, your wallet, portable phone charger, and a couple of Werther’s original hard caramel candies that could aid in your oral fixation and take your mind off of your surroundings.  

You had come to the city alone, none of your family members wanting to go with you, your friends having their own lives. This made things kind of easier, but also more difficult. It was easier because you didn’t have to worry about walking off and your buddy wondering where you were or having a shut-down and ruining the day. Harder because you would sometimes go nonverbal and would be unable to communicate with someone if you needed help.

After getting ready, you check your bag one last time before putting your mask on, the weight behind your ears weird at first but something you get used to as you place your backpack on your back and close your hotel door behind you.

Your hotel was surprisingly close to the Line store, something you were extremely happy about. You had no problem with driving, as you drove yourself to the city, but you liked being able to walk and take in your surroundings slowly.

You lived roughly ten hours north of LA and didn’t ever really get the chance to come here before. You wanted to take in everything the city had to offer before you inevitably made the trip back home.

What was nice about the city, was that no one really cared about you. No one cared what you looked like or how you acted. They were worried about themselves. This gave you the confidence to stim freely, bouncing on your feet with every step you took as you tapped your thumb against the side of your pointer finger, every second another tap.

It took you maybe 15 minutes to walk to your intended destination, the large building taking your breath away as you stood in front of it. You quickly took a picture of the logo on the front of the building, a memory for your photo album/scrapbook you planned on making when you got home to celebrate your first solo trip.

Walking inside you were quickly bombarded with different sounds and sights, people of all shapes and sizes moving in random directions as they took in all the store had to offer. You followed suit, after moving out of the way of the entrance and taking a couple seconds for yourself.

Looking around, you almost got tunnel vision, looking for the area where you hoped to get a Shooky plushie. Yoongi was your bias and had been since you first stumbled upon the DNA music video when it popped on your recommendations list on YouTube. His blue hair had immediately caught your eye, his voice stealing your soul as soon as you heard him rap.

You had yet to find Shooky in any of the stores back home, so he was the first on your list for when you came here. You had time to find the others, but almost needed to have Shooky. Moving around the store, you had to wait for a couple of people to move, but you eventually ended up in front of a whole aisle of BT21 products, various sized Shookys taking up a couple shelves.

There were so many options that you think you spent an hour just going through every single one, feeling the fabric and holding it to your chest to gage the size. Depending on the price, you would put it back but add it to the list of “maybes” in your head. At one point, another couple entered the aisle you were in that held the Shooky and Koya plushies.

You kind of stared at them, watching them interact as they play fought over the baby Koya, the girl pouting at the man as he struggled to maintain his composure. As the man moved to cup the girl’s cheek, you noticed the black soulmarks seemingly tattooed on their wrists.  Looking down at your own gray writing, you sighed softly.

You wished sorely to have a soulmate, someone who would understand you and be there for you without question. You had a small hyperfixation on soulmates when you were younger, just having left the assembly where you spent an entire school day with some people from the NSS (National Soulmate Society) who taught the entire school all about the bond every person had with another.

You had gone home and literally, for maybe the next four years, until you were fifteen, spent most of your free time learning everything you could about soulmates. You loved the idea of love, and the idea of someone being made for you, and you for them, sounded like a dream to your young romantic self. But unfortunately, years of bullying made you believe your soulmate wouldn’t want you, a frequent insult thrown you way as you walked the hallways.

There is a saying that if you are told something so many times, your mind begins to believe it. That’s exactly what happened to you, you began to fully believe that your soulmate would reject you. It only solidified when you turned 21 and you didn’t receive a soulbond with your soulmate.

No dreams or vision shifting to be seen. Not even a random injury that might be attributed to the soul injury bond you researched. It hurt, a lot, and you spent a couple weeks hold up in your room crying, trying to come to terms with the reality you now faced.

Looking at your soulmark one last time, you turned away from the happy bond, turning back to resume your search for the perfect Shooky. Another couple minutes and you eventually settled for a medium sized regular Shooky, one that you decided would be the perfect size and shape to fit in with the abundance of soft plushies you had at home on your bed.

Holding the soft plushie in your hand, you moved to the checkout, trying not to look at anything else while you waited for fear you would fall in love and buy it. The line was quite long, people close to each other and creating an oddly shaped line. You were planning on staying quiet, feeling yourself becoming overwhelmed, but the two girls in front of you had other plans.

“Hi! We noticed you were by yourself and just wanted to say hello.” The first girl spoke a little loudly, the volume in the store loud already. She smiled at you, then noticed the Shooky in your hand.

“Is Suga your bias?” You just nod your head, hoping your lips were in a smile like you wanted. She nodded her head back, and before you could ask her a question back, knowing that she was probably hoping to start a conversation with you, her friend next to her cut you off.

“Are you not going to answer her back?” She held her hand on her hip, her eyes locking on your own, making you nervous. Your eyes widened at her words; your courage completely gone as you stared at her.

“Hey, Kiah, its fine. I could see she was trying to be nice.” Hitting her friend on the shoulder, she turned to look back at you, “I’m sorry about her.” But she didn’t try to continue with her original plans, turning back around and talking with her friend again, moving forward when the line moved.

You were almost relieved that she didn’t try to continue the conversation, having no clue what to even say back to her, but also kind of sad. Small talk wasn’t your strong suit, and never would be, but you liked talking to people. You liked interacting with others once you got past the, in your opinion stupid, scripted small talk that every average person engaged in. If given the chance, you could go off in multiple tangents about different things.

Moving forward with the line, you eventually reached the checkout, the lady checking you out was nice, and seemed to notice how overwhelmed you were because she just smiled at you before handing you the bag that contained your Shooky.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t need a bag…if that’s okay?” You rushed out, wanting to just carry Shooky back to your hotel where you planned to relax for a couple hours, or at least until you weren’t as overwhelmed anymore. She didn’t seem to mind, taking Shooky out of the bag before handing him back to you.

You smiled and nodded at her before taking your receipt and leaving the store, backpack back on your back and Shooky clutched to your chest. You didn’t even think to put your headphones on, just focused on making it back to your hotel before everything got to be too much. 

Watching your feet as you walk, making sure you don’t trip, you don’t even notice someone jogging and stopping in front of you, your head making contact with their chest making you off balanced.

-*-*-

Yoongi had felt off all day, his body itching, the cause emanating from his incomplete soulmark. The small daisy on his wrist still the dull gray as it had been at his birth. Not even his found soulmates could soothe the itch in his soul. However, they realized quickly that they all held the same itch, the same feeling of being pulled.

They had just gotten back to their hotel room, Jungkook almost instantly throwing himself on the couch, Taehyung moving quickly behind and jumping on top of the youngest. They had just finished their schedule for the day, surprisingly early as it wasn’t even lunch time yet.

Jin was moving throughout the kitchen right off the living room, putting together lunch in order to make himself busy. He had been hearing their missing soulmate’s music all morning, her soft singing throwing him off a little in the middle of their schedule. 

He and Jungkook shared the same bond with their eighth soulmate and helped them realize that she was an army. The first song they heard play in their mind being Serendipity, Jimin’s solo. Her soft vocals had made the two cry and made Jimin cry once they told all of us what she was singing.  

She listened to music a lot, Jin had noted one morning before practice.

“It’s almost like she is trying to drown something else out.” He had pondered aloud, recounting how she was now listening to their song Idol.

For two years, since you had turned 21, the day they got their bond with you, they wondered when they would meet you. Yoongi had seen you a lot, considering his soul vision bond with you. He would sometimes, often randomly, switch sight with you, seeing through your own eyes as you moved throughout the day. He and Hoseok shared the same bond with you and would take turns recounting their experiences to the rest of their soul cluster.

Moving to help Jin in the kitchen, his vision was suddenly black, the beginnings of goosebumps littering his arms as the hair on the back of his neck stood. He could vaguely see Hoseok having the same experience, both of their visions cutting to your own.

He could see you inside the Line Friends store, the same one they knew resided only a couple of streets from where their hotel was located. You were in the middle of looking at his BT21 character, his Shooky. You seemed to be contemplating which one you wanted, which made him smile wide as he watched, observing from the inside.

Wait, he thought, you were in the Line Store only minutes from them! His smile became even wider, his gummy smile visible as he realizes that they could find you today. He almost wants to cry, waiting for the vision switch to stop so he could go to you. So, he could finally hold you in his arms.

After a couple more seconds, his vision finally cut back to his own. He and Hoseok both fell to the floor, both overcome with emotions as they tried to make sense of their self again. Vision shifting made them both feel disoriented as their soul returned to their body.

As soon as he felt like himself again, Yoongi was running to the front door, only one thing on his mind. Hands made their way around his middle, pulling him back inside and holding him close as he struggled to move.

“Hyung, wait a minute. What did you both see?” Namjoon was loud in his ear, his voice trembling a little bit as he watched both Yoongi and Hoseok try to move for the door, Jungkook managing to keep hold of Hoseok while he had Yoongi.

“Saw her. Have to go.” Yoongi spoke in broken sentences, his mind not being able to piece anything more intelligent together. He didn’t want you to be gone before he had reached you. He didn’t want them to lose you when they hadn’t even got the chance to find you.

“What?! You saw where she was? Did you recognize the place? Was it close by?” Jimin spoke quickly, excited at the idea of finally being with you and bonding with your soul. He had dreamt of you so many times, had seen your inner desires and wishes. And he would do whatever he could to fulfill them.

Realizing how time sensitive the situation was, Jin grabbed masks and pulled Taehyung and Yoongi with him to the door.

“Joon, tell Sejin what’s going on. If we wait any longer, we will lose her. We don’t know how much longer she will be in the city.” Jin spoke quickly and efficiently, leaving no room for discussion as he tugged on Taehyung and Yoongi’s arms. 

Taehyung, because he knew what you looked like, thanks to his and Jimin’s shared bond with you, and Yoongi because he knew where exactly you were, and the closer he was to you, the more he could tap into the bond you shared.

There was no time to spare if they wanted to find you. Putting their masks on, the managed to catch up with their security team who took them to the car. Once explaining the situation to the head of their security, he alone took them to a parking garage just outside of the Line Store.

The boys moved quickly, hoping that you hadn’t already left in the time it took them to get there. Yoongi was, for the first time, moving faster than the others, using his soul to pull him to your location. Once he rounded the corner, he saw your figure, just leaving with his Shooky held tightly to your chest.

Pushing himself, he managed to get in front of you, but was not expecting you to walk into him head first, your head hitting his chest and causing a small ache. His eyes widened as you began to fall backwards, his hands grasping onto yours.

Once he held onto you, he could feel the burning on his inner wrist, something he had wished for since he first met Namjoon, the burning of a complete mark. He watched as you looked towards your own wrist, a wince on your face as the once gray soulmark turned to pure black.

-*-*-

Once the tingling sensation began to dull in your wrist, the small music symbol at the top left of your mark was dark against your gray mark, you looked up at the stranger-turned-soulmate only to see Min Yoongi, his mask doing almost nothing to hide his face from the public. Your eyes widened even more, mouth agape underneath your own mask as you tried to reason with yourself.

There was no way the universe would pair you with him. This had to be a joke, a mean joke played by the universe because it knew you liked their music. You had come to terms that you would either meet your soulmate only to be rejected, or you would never find them, the small hangul writing of the word “벚꽃” meaning cherry blossom in the middle of your mark indicated to you that they could be in a different country.

You tried to pull away only for your soulmate to pull you into his chest, arms wrapping themselves around you as you tried to keep ahold of your Shooky. His hand moved up to cradle your head into his shoulder, causing you to see the two men behind him. You couldn’t believe that Jin and Taehyung were standing behind him, just watching as he held you.

You watched as Taehyung moved forward, slowly inching closer until his hand rested on Yoongi’s other shoulder. He looked at you the same way Yoongi did, and the same way Jin is.

“Hyung. We need to go. We don’t want to make a scene.”

 If you weren’t overwhelmed before, you were now as Yoongi practically dragged you to their van, a lone driver in the front as he pulled you inside the vehicle. Jin was speaking quickly, too quickly for you to process with your limited Korean you gained from trying to learn so you could understand their lyrics as intended.

You stared at a lone spot in the car, trying to keep your mind grounded as the beginnings of a shutdown were felt. However, those feelings went away when Yoongi wrapped his arm around you, his hand grasping onto your forearm to anchor you to him. His touch alone made you feel calm while normally any sort of touch made things worse.

“Are you okay?” Taehyung’s question had you looking towards him, his eyes on you, watching for any sign that you might not be. You couldn’t answer him in the affirmative or negative, not knowing yourself if you were okay or not, the word too vague to describe what your body was feeling.

He reaches a hand out to grab yours, probably out of pure instinct, causing that strange tingling sensation from earlier to appear, the small heart on your inner wrist turning black before your very eyes. Looking back up at him again, you are met with his boxy grin, one of the things that drew you to him in the first place.

You look past him to see Jin smiling at the scene in front of him, his eyes moving towards your wrist every couple seconds as he tries to guess which mark was meant for him. From his gaze on your wrist, to the seven symbols that marked your inner left wrist, you connected the inevitable dots.

You tried to say something only for the words to not come out. You recognized this feeling, how your mouth couldn’t move to form the words you needed to say. You likened it to a keyboard that wasn’t connected to a computer, the words could not be seen on the screen despite the work put into creating them. Like the wires connecting your voice box to your mouth were disconnected and only time would reconnect them.

You didn’t even realize your body beginning to rock back and forth, Yoongi’s hold on you tightening so you didn’t hurt yourself (even though your body was barely moving, he couldn’t be too safe). Yoongi knew from one of the times he had vision shifted that this was a soothing mechanism for you, having had to ask Namjoon what the words he remembered meant.

Before he could rub his hands up and down your arm in an attempt to help you calm down, the door opened, their head of security letting them know that they are back at the hotel. You watched as Jin and Taehyung exited the car, Jin turning around to hold a hand out to you, to help you out of the car. You grab it, knowing it was inevitable at this point that they were your soulmates, that you would bond with them.

The same tingling was felt as the eye at the top of your mark was now black, only realizing now that the eye matched Jin’s left eye. He gripped your hand tight, refusing to let go as you walked into their hotel, not a glance thrown your way as Jin walked with you to the elevator, holding it open for his two other soulmates.

You couldn’t help but to feel calm in their presence, with Jin’s hand holding your own. The calmness was weird, a feeling you hadn’t felt before, like your soul was finally at peace with itself. Your breathing began to even out, your body coming down from its survival mode as the elevator moved closer to their floor.

The absolute clarity that you feel is alarming at first, but now it’s something you wish to hold onto, just in case they do reject you. You hope that they don’t, your past dreams and wishes catching up to you as you grip onto Jin’s hand, not wanting him to let go.  

By the time the elevator opened again to their floor, you were as calm as when you would lay under your weighted blanket at home, the deep pressure therapy being something that helped you ground yourself. Jin was still holding your hand, as well as Taehyung who grabbed your other hand as soon as the elevator opened. 

Leading you to their room, Yoongi pulled out their room key and was about to open the door when it opened, revealing Jungkook and Jimin. Your face showed your obvious shock, the two boys moving back when they saw your hands tighten against their mates.

“Okay why don’t we all step back a little. We don’t want to overwhelm her.” Namjoon spoke calmly, holding his hands up as a gesture of peace.

“She’s been overwhelmed since before we saw her. The Line store was packed today.” Yoongi spoke up, moving to take the hand that Taehyung dropped when Namjoon told everyone to back up. They were both speaking slower, this time you were able to make out what they were saying.

“I’m okay.” You manage to push out the words, your wires just barely being connected again. It appears all the research you had done before was paying off, their touch calming more than just your thoughts, your body was losing the natural tension it had acquired over the years.  

You wanted to take the words back as soon as everyone looked straight at you, a weird emotion you couldn’t identify on their face as they took in your short sentence. You began to fidget with Jin’s hand, his fingers only tightening their grip on you.

“Why don’t we all sit down and have a talk. I know this situation might be a little strange for you.” Namjoon spoke in English, his tone coming out reassuring as he smiles down at you. You nod, letting Jin led you to one of the sofas that litter the room, the soft fabric feeling nice against your skin.

Still holding your hand, you feel Yoongi lift your joined hands into his lap, his body turning to face you on the couch, Jin following suit as everyone else in the room turned in your direction.

“Now, you seemed to respond to Yoongi’s words earlier. Do you understand Korean?” Namjoon began once everyone was seated, his words still holding the same softness as earlier. You go to nod your head but the girl’s words from earlier ring in your head.

“Um, yes. I’ve been trying to learn for a couple years now.” Your words seem to surprise the boys, Jimin getting excited at the prospect of being able to communicate with you better. He was still having trouble with the English language, despite his fans telling him how good he was at the foreign language.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry for the way everything was handled today. When Yoongi and Hoseok vision shifted, and we knew you were close, we knew we couldn’t let you go. I am sorry if we made you uncomfortable in any way.” Namjoon’s tone shifted to something you couldn’t recognize as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“I guess it’s okay. I was a little freaked out at first, not expecting you to be my soulmates, but umm…holding hands with Yoongi in the car helped me calm down.” Your last words were whispered, yet everyone could hear them, Yoongi’s gummy smile making another appearance at your words.

“I’m sorry, what do you mean when you say you weren’t expecting us to be your mates?” Namjoon’s words have everyone reminded of the beginning of your sentence, shocked being an understatement for how everyone was feeling at the connotation of your words.

“I didn’t receive any soul bonds when I turned 21.” You stated, not knowing how affected they would get at your words.

Jin immediately stood up, phone in hand as he moved away to call his doctor, completely concerned for his baby soulmate. Jimin jumped for Jin’s previous spot, wrapping his arms around you as he tried not to cry in your shoulder. He could feel the burning of his complete soulmark but couldn’t focus on anything but you. It was not normal for people to not feel the soulbonds, and it was weird that they had felt them, had thought they shared them with you, but you were blank.

Taehyung and Jungkook crowd around Jin, trying to hear the phone call while Namjoon tries to get everyone to calm down. You become overwhelmed again, despite the physical contact you have with Yoongi and Jimin, and begin searching for your Shooky again, only to see it on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall by the door.

Without something safe to hold onto, you begin to rock back and forth again, your body becoming hot and uncomfortable as you try not to fidget in your seat. Hoseok, the only one who hasn’t reacted to your previous words, has stayed seated, eyes trained on you. He quickly notices your increasing anxiety and overstimulation, having learned to recognize the signs from previous vision shifting.

“Guys! Stop.” He turns to you after looking at Namjoon, your eyes beginning to glaze over at the unwilling scene you caused the group.

You were freaking out on the inside, scolding yourself for causing them so much stress, for making them worry over you. You knew they didn’t need to worry about you, that they didn’t need to stress over something as small as this. They had more important things to worry about, like their concerts next week, and their many schedules while they are in the states.

“Please, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine. I might just be some fluke or something. My mom did always think something was wrong with me anyways.” You try to get them to calm down, your words coming out in more of a flurry than you hoped, your obvious panic doing nothing to calm them down as you tried to joke about your situation.

However, it did make them all turn to you, worry blatant in their gaze as they began to crowd around you.

“Don’t say that. We will always worry about you. You may not have experienced the soulbond we did, but that doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. If anything, our bonds made us fall in love with our sweet and caring baby soulmate. You are ours, and we take care of what is ours.” Namjoon spoke in English again, making his sentence hit you even harder, your cheeks as red as a lobster at this point as he moves closer, placing his hand on your knee.

Never would you think you would be in this situation, in the same room as the boys you had grown to love through their videos and lyrics, and they were basically professing their love for you, their soulmate. It was like being in the middle of a bad fanfiction. You were almost waiting for the other shoe to drop, your experience states that something bad always follows something good.

Not that you actually say that. No, you attempt to actually uphold your side of the unspoken bargain by ignoring the man across the crowded room. 

You haven’t seen him in...what? Two years? Two and a half? All you can really remember is a door slamming in your face and a flustered staff member directing you toward the exit. 

You’d nearly made it to the exit before Jungkook burst out of the hallway, desperate and sprinting toward you as though you were his life’s work slipping through his fingertips. 

“I’m leaving,” you had muttered as Jungkook barreled into you that afternoon, panting and brushing his hair out of his face. 

“What?” He sounded incredulous. “No...no, you’re not. Listen, I’ll sort it out right now, and-”

“Jungkook.” The way you said his name had him closing his mouth in an instant. He was always such a good listener. “I’m...I’m leaving. I- I have to go.”

He let you leave, although the way he held onto your hands until you quite literally slipped through his fingertips left you with a shattered heart. 

You’d been together for only three weeks before it all came crashing down. Why did it hurt so much after so short a time? The fact that Jungkook - Jeon Jungkook - had come forward and confessed to you was the icing on the cake. As far as you knew, life was better and brighter than ever before. 

But you were young; you both were. Too young, Sejin had gently told you only a week into your secretive relationship with the singer. Jungkook was too young and on the verge of major success along with the rest of the members; a relationship was the last thing he needed. 

A scandal, he’d called it. Because that’s what it would look like. Jeon Jungkook fell for one of the staff members, how was it possible? The world would rip the two of you to shreds, and Sejin kindly reminded you of how quick Jungkook was to blame himself for any sort of mistake. 

For one week, you lived in bliss. 

For the following two, you lived a lie. You couldn’t bring yourself to tell Jungkook the truth. That you were leaving, that you’d submitted your two-week notice. It was for the best.

The feeling of someone staring has the hair on the back of your neck rising, and as you turn to glare at the perpetrator, you jump to see Jungkook right behind you. Drink in hand and mussing his hair with the other, he looks at you for a split second before looking down at his feet. 

“Hey.”

The word goes straight through you as you attempt to look nonchalant and lean against the counter.  

“Hey!” Ok, that was way too peppy. “I, uh...how are you?”

“Good, good.” Jungkook clears his throat almost comically before peeking back up at you. “How are you?”

“Great. Doing...great.”

Well, this sucks. 

Jungkook appears inclined to agree, but he treks on like a champ. “Yugyeom told me he invited you. Didn’t expect you to show up, though.” He gives a breathy chuckle, a wry smile appearing on his face for a moment before slipping away. 

Right. Yugyeom. This is his house-warming party, after all. You were admittedly a little surprised to receive the invitation, but you didn’t give it much thought considering that you lived fairly close. 

Now, though, you’re remembering how close he and Jungkook are. 

“Yeah, well, you know. I thought I might as well stop in. Wish him well. I can’t-” you cut yourself off, continuing on carefully. “I can’t stay.”

Those words have Jungkook’s eyes sharpening, and you know that he must recall the incident two years ago when you said something unnervingly similar before walking out of his life for what you thought would be forever. He nods, jaw clenched a bit and tongue pressing into his cheek. 

“That was nice of you to come, though.”

Awkward. This is all so awkward, you can’t hardly stand it anymore. You shouldn’t have come, but now you’ll be wiser in the future-

“I’m happy to see you, actually.”

“What?” The word comes out a bit forceful, but you’re shocked. Jungkook is happy? To see you?

Again, a flicker of a smile graces his features before settling down again. “I said I’m happy you’re here. I was beginning to wonder if I’d ever see you again.”

There it is; that familiar spark of mischief that’s so at odds with Jungkook’s typical shy nature. Indeed, he seems more confident than the Jungkook you left behind two years ago. 

Perhaps it the long hair that gives him the boost of confidence. That, or the array of tattoos he’s added in your absence. Maybe it’s the astonishing amount of fame and awards he now has under his belt. 

The Jungkook of two years ago? Yeah, he was on the cusp of greatness. If you’d asked him then, he probably would have thought that he couldn’t achieve much more. He was just happy to keep doing his job.

This Jungkook? 

He throws you off balance. Makes you question if what you’re seeing is real. He has some sort of X factor that you never noticed before. 

Most of all, he makes you wonder what might have been. 

It’s the what-if’s that has you saying, “I really should get going, Jungkook. It’s been great seeing you, though. Congrats on...everything, I guess.” You laugh a little too loudly and begin weaving your way through the crowd toward where you last saw Yugyeom. Your heart is beating out of your chest at this point, so when Jungkook grabs your wrist, you’re sure he can feel your pulse. 

“Wait!” 

If the entire room wasn’t trying to eavesdrop before, they certainly are now. Thankfully, Jungkook also notices this and drops your hand a second later. 

“Tell Yugyeom I say bye, too.”

“Jungkook-”

“I’ll meet you out front!” And before you can object, he’s off. Disappearing between the crowd and taking his coat with him. You’re left standing there like some sort of statue until someone taps your elbow. 

“Hoseok,” you breathe out, a little shocked to see him standing beside you with a kind smile. “Hey.”

“Hey. Yugyeom is at the back of the living room,” he points out the tall man, who’s immersed in a story told by a girl you’ve never seen before. 

“Oh, thanks.”

Hoseok smiles again, nodding. “Of course.” You turn to head over to the living room, but turn back as Hoseok gently calls your name. “It really is good to see you again.”

You mumble out, “you, too,” before heading over to Yugyeom in a daze. You’ve only been here for about twenty minutes, but it’s somehow been enough to turn everything on its head. 

Once Yugyeom spots you, his eyes widen as though he’s surprised to see you. You duck your head, trying to get in and out as quickly as possible. It’s obvious now that people are staring, and you can practically feel the rumors swarming you. 

“You made it!” Yugyeom shouts. You grin, waving him off. 

“Yeah, but I have to head out now.”

Yugyeom pouts, but understands. “Thanks for stopping in. Did you eat?”

“I grabbed a couple of snacks, don’t worry. That’s literally the only reason I’m here.”

“Ouch.”

After a moment you bid him goodbye, only to have him lean in closer and whisper, “Jungkook is with you, right?”

You blink, wanting to ask him what he knows. Instead you mumble, “I think he’s waiting outside...”

“Good.” He gives you a pat on the back that nearly sends you flying. “I’ll see you later!”

With that strange interaction in mind, you grab your coat and head out into the evening air, significantly more confused than when you first entered the house.

It’s dark out, however there’s just enough light from the porch that you can see Jungkook’s silhouette. He stands out in the middle of the yard with his back to you, staring up at the stars. The sound from inside muffles your footsteps, for which you’re grateful as you stand on the porch for a moment to assess the situation. 

“I don’t live that far away,” you call out, causing him to spin around to face you. 

He shrugs. “That’s fine. Should we get going?”

You hesitate. “Jungkook, I’m fine to walk alone. What if you get recognized or something?”

Another shrug, and a step in your direction. “I’ll feel much better if you let me walk you home.”

You sigh, and Jungkook laughs as he knows that there’s no way you’ll say no to that. Shoving your hands in your pockets, you begin down the sidewalk. Jungkook cuts across the yard to meet you at the bottom of the driveway, eyes trained on your every step. 

“Ready?” He asks quietly. You wish he would be loud, boisterous even. It would be so much better than this gentle kindness he’s showing you right now. 

“Ready.” 

The two of you set off down the street in silence, and thankfully the sounds of the night makes it a little less awkward. However, that all goes down the drain as you stumble over an uneven space in the sidewalk, and Jungkook reaches out to steady you, hands around your shoulders and slowly trailing down your arms until they just brush up against your fingers. 

You glance up at him to see him with a determined look on his face as he stares down at your hands. He doesn’t take them though.

“You alright?” He mutters, eyes flitting to your face. His long hair keeps getting in his eyes, and you can hardly see one side of his face because of it. 

“Why did you decide to grow your hair out?” You blurt out, because that’s the only thing that’s keeping you from reaching up and brushing it aside. Jungkook blinks, fiddling with his hair self-consciously.

“I...I wanted something different,” he explains, and frowns when he feels like that’s not enough. “It makes me look older, doesn’t it?”

“Do you want to look older?”

He scrunches up his nose playfully, nudging you with his elbow. “Answer my question, first.”

“Oh. Yeah, a little older, I guess.”

Jungkook nods, satisfied with your answer for now. He strides off, leaving you scrambling to catch up. 

“Hey!” You shout after him, heart quite literally skipping a beat when you hear his boyish chuckle drifting back to you. He picks up the pace, nearly jogging now. “What are you doing? Wait- wait for me!”

He doesn’t, but you manage to grasp the back of his coat and pull backwards, succeeding in hindering him. Jungkook laughs a little louder now, the sound contagious. 

“Yah!” You whine amidst your giggles. Is this even real? Are you actually here, laughing in the street with Jungkook as though nothing ever happened? “You never answered my question!”

“Oh, that’s right,” he says, although you can tell that he never forgot about it. “What was it again?”

You smack his chest, feigning annoyance. “You know-”

“Ah, right. Why I want to look older, right?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Jungkook takes a step back, reaching out and grabbing your hands. You feel like a fish out of water, standing here trying your best not to gape at him. Is this really the same boy that could hardly look you in the eye when he confessed his feelings for you all that time ago?

It must be, because he’s suddenly looking more nervous than he did a few seconds ago. 

“I heard you went to Iceland.”

Ok, that’s not an answer. 

“...yes?”

Jungkook shakes his head, eyes flitting all across your face as though checking for differences from the last time he saw you. “You always talked about wanting to go. How...” he trails off, suddenly looking down and realizing he’s holding your hands in his. He drops them, and you try to look unaffected by the action. “How was it?”

“Iceland?”

“Yeah.”

“Nice. Really pretty.”

You can tell he’s filing your answer away in his head, and for a brief second you wonder if there’s a folder labeled with your name somewhere in his brain. You wonder what’s inside of it. 

“And Paris?”

“How did you know...?”

Jungkook doesn't smile now, instead looking at you innocently before shrugging. “Answer the question.”

Chewing furiously on the inside of your cheek, you push aside your countless questions and answer his. “I like the countryside better than the city, honestly.”

“Where else did you go?” He muses, looking up at the night sky rather than you. If you could see better, you would have been able to see the way cheeks were burning bright red. “Italy, did you go to Italy?”

“Yeah, and Germany.”

“That’s right. Did you take the train?”

“Jungkook...”

He continues on, still staring up at the sky. He sways on his feet, reaching up to mess with his hair. “You always said you wanted to take the train-”

“Jungkook, what’s going on?”

Now he finally looks down at you, looking a little surprised at his own actions. Almost looking like he forgot you were here. 

“How were you so good at it?”

You sigh, annoyed now at this game of questions. “Good at what?”

Jungkook tilts his head to one side, assessing you. “Lying.” He chuckles a little at the way you take a step back as though you could physically dodge the accusation. “See? You can’t even deny it. You lied.”

“What, for the last two weeks of our three week relationship? Guilty as charged, then.”

“Do you feel guilty, then?” Jungkook scoffs, taking a step toward you. You take a half-step back, still drawn in by his magnetic field. “I was- how could I be so stupid! I thought I was falling in love with you! And you- you left me!”

“Yes! I left!” You all but shout, barely clinging to your composure now. “I’ll be the bad guy, that’s fine! But don’t pretend like you’ve been some martyr these past two years. You’ve been fine without me.”

“I was going to quit! I was going to quit for you!” 

“You’re an idiot if you think I was ever - if anyone was ever going to let you do something so stupid as quit for a girl you liked for a few weeks! So fine, I’ll be the bad guy. I left you, that’s right! I sucked it up and did what I had to do! So what else do you want?!”

Jungkook laughs - laughs - in earnest now, stumbling back. “Oh, c’mon. You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I’m not.” You cross your arms, glaring at him. “So ‘fess up, Jeon. What else could you possibly want? More storage space for your trophies? Oh, how about some vacation days? You know, since all I ever hear about it how hard-working you are-”

“You!” He shoves his hair back angrily, which promptly falls back in his face. “I’ve been waiting like an idiot for you to show up again! Go ahead and laugh, I know it’s stupid!” 

You aren’t laughing, though. No, you’re frozen in place as Jungkook continues to rant. 

“And you’re right. Three weeks, we were together for three weeks. How pathetic was I to fall for you that quickly? Do you have any idea what it did to me, when I found out that you’d been lying to my face that entire time?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you-”

“You did. You can’t change that.”

You sigh, rubbing your eyes. “I know that. But Sejin said we were too young, and I mean, he had a point. Jungkook,” you open your eyes to see that Jungkook has stumbled off the curb. You’re nearly his height now, and you look him straight in the eye as you continue. “We were so young. It killed me to leave, but you’re right. You were so sweet, so good, that you would never be the one to pull the plug. I had to do it. And now look! Look at you, you’ve accomplished so much-”

“No,” Jungkook takes another step back, and you follow, standing on the edge of the curb now. “No. You...I wanted to go everywhere with you.” His voice breaks, and he takes a deep breath to try and steady himself. “You did everything without me, and I watched from a distance. You wanna know what the worst part is?”

You don’t - can’t - answer. 

“I tried so hard to hate you. When you went to Iceland I nearly did, I think that’s the closest I ever got.” He chuckles, and you recognize the strangeness of it all. Are you really standing out here arguing with Jungkook about going on a trip without him? “I used to daydream about getting calls from you in Iceland, or that you would send me a picture of the view or something. Just something to let me know that you were thinking of me, too.”

“I went alone,” you numbly add. “I’ve never felt so alone in my entire life.”

Jungkook sighs, anger slipping off of him now as he gazes at you. “I would have gone with you. I would go anywhere with you.”

You pause, furrowing your brows at his wording. “...you would?”

Jungkook seems to notice what he said now, instantly beginning to chew on his lip. His gaze drops to the ground as he slowly nods. 

“Sejin told me everything,” he mumbles, fiddling with the cuffs of his coat. “About how he thought we were too young, everything.”

This boy is about to give you whiplash if he keeps changing the subject so quickly. “And? It didn’t change anything, did it?”

He shrugs. “I just wish you would’ve told me. We could’ve...we could’ve worked something out.”

And that’s what he wanted to tell you tonight. There’s no anger left in his words, just regret. 

You wait to see if he’ll say anything else, and when he’s quiet you begin to walk. You’re only about a block away from home, but it feels like an eternity away. Jungkook trails a couple of steps behind you, still on the road while you stick to the sidewalk. 

It’s eerily quiet in your head as you near your house, the sound of Jungkook’s footsteps apparently taking up all of your energy. When you’re a couple of houses down, Jungkook clears his throat.

You keep walking, listening to see what he’ll say. When you glance back at him, his eyes are still trained on the ground, and he’s kicking a pebble along with the utmost determination. 

It’s only when you’re heading up your driveway that Jungkook finally speaks. 

“I’m sorry.”

You pause, turning on your heel to face him. “Why are you apologizing?”

Jungkook keeps looking down at the ground, reminding you of your first shy encounter with him. “I didn’t...I didn’t want to yell at you. I just lost control when I realized that you were here and you seem so indifferent to everything and-”

“I seem indifferent?” You ask, genuinely surprised. “Oh. Nice.”

He snorts, looking up at you with a mock glare. “I’m sorry, though. That was a lot to take in.”

It was. Amidst all the arguing, you’d nearly forgotten what he was so mad about in the first place. However, it sounded like he was more angry at himself than he was with you. 

“Did you really mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“That you still want...” you can’t bring yourself to say it, but judging from the way Jungkook’s head shoots up and his wide eyes bore into your soul, he knows what you’re implying. 

He nods slowly, taking a couple of steps toward you but stopping just out of reach. You stare at him, not quite believing it. 

“But...I hurt you.”

“You did.”

“And you still...?”

“I do.”

You laugh, startled. “What? How? I mean, that’s flattering and everything, but don’t you think you’re maybe confused with what we had versus what actually happened between us?”

Jungkook tilts his head to the side, back to analyzing you and every word you speak. “Do you not want me?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“No, but then again, you didn’t say much of anything in the ‘I want Jungkook’ department.”

You snort, marveling at the little smirk that plays on Jungkook’s lips. His eyes remain open, unguarded. “I...yes. I do. Always have.”

He blinks, clearly surprised. The fact that he was prepared to be rejected does something to your heart. “Wait, really?”

“Jungkook, I didn’t leave because I wanted to.” I left because I had to.

For now, that appears to be enough incentive to get Jungkook to take the final few steps toward you, hands rising and then falling back at his sides as his eyes rove all over. He freezes at you allow one of your hands to rise, brushing aside the strands of hair that fell in his eyes. 

You jump a little when he grabs that hand, keeping it against his cheek as he stares down at you. When he speaks, he’s almost too quiet to hear. 

“Aren’t we old enough now?”

His question makes you stop breathing altogether, as you know what he’s implying. Does he really want you back? 

“But-” you sputter, “It’s been two years, Jungkook. We’ve both changed, we probably wouldn’t even make it-”

“From where I’m standing, I’m still a stupid amount of in love with you-” you gasp at his confession, eyes wide as you try to detect the lie. There is none. “And it looks like you still want me. We’re older now, I mean...look at me. You even said I look older, so Sejin should have nothing to complain about-”

“Don’t tell me that’s why you grew your hair out,” you groan, trying to hide your laughter. 

“Only partially,” he defends. “I mean, c’mon. Not everything revolves around you, you know.” You open your mouth to complain, but fall silent as Jungkook rotates your hand just enough to plant a kiss on the inside of your wrist. You gape at him, watching how his eyes flutter shut for a brief moment before finding your face again. 

“I just,” you shake your head once you find your ability to speak again. “I can’t believe this.”

Jungkook pauses, planting another kiss to your wrist before speaking. “I can’t lie. You should know that.”

You arch a brow at him, which encourages him to plead his case. 

“If I could lie, I would have told you that your absence meant nothing.” He steps forward half a step, chewing on his bottom lip before continuing. “If I could lie, I would have told you that I never think of you anymore. That your name doesn’t make me stop everything just to listen. If I could lie, I would tell you that I haven’t been imagining this moment ever since you walked out of my life two years ago.”

“This moment?”

In answer, Jungkook cups your face and leans forward, tilting your chin up and letting out a shaky breath. “Promise me something.”

His hair has fallen back into his face, but you don’t seem to care as he inches ever closer until his breath is fanning across your face. “Anything.”

You mean it. 

You’re forced to close your eyes now, he’s too close to focus on anything. Jungkook’s lips ghost over your own as he utters out his request. 

“Promise me that this won’t be our last kiss.”

Suddenly you’re reminded of your first kiss together. It had been in his studio, long after you thought everyone had gone home. Jimin hadn’t, though, which you found out when he barged in and Jungkook had practically thrown you across the room. You failed to stifle a laugh as he tried to explain himself to a skeptical Jimin. 

He was adorable, and anxious, and absolutely in love. 

And as he leans in now, you realize that nothing has changed. He’s still Jungkook. 

He’s still yours.

“I promise.”

--

m.list || buy me an orange juice?

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"Oh, hi guys." Minah tilted her head, surprised by the fact they were already in the living room. With Lisa getting ready for her solo debut and Jisoo with the drama, getting together time was almost impossible for them now.

"Minah, why did you take so long with Mingyu?" Lisa asked looking at her nails, trying to not be suspicious. "You said it was a quick lunch. It's almost 8 p.m."

"Thank God you're not an actress." Rosé mumbled next to her. Lisa groaned at her, who just shrugged.

Placing her purse at the end of the couch, Minah slowly sat down, frowning as she looked at the girls. Jennie lowered her head while Jisoo played with the tv control, and Rosé and Lisa mumbled something about who should say what first.

"So," Minah started talking. "is everything okay? Do you guys need any help?"

"She made the question!" Jennie gasped, pointing at Minah as if she was a criminal.

"I can not believe it." Lisa said in the same tone.

"How dare you, Lee Minah?!" Rosé asked. "Or, should I say, Kim Minah?"

Minah scoffed and crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at them. The girls weren't necessarily the type of jealous best friends. Well, Lisa spent almost two hours asking Mingyu about his family when he first came to the dorm, but Minah likes to think that was more for safety than for jealousy. But, still, she wanted to wait for the right moment to tell them about moving in with Mingyu.

Not that Minah was afraid of them not accepting it because she was sure they'd be nothing less than supportive about it, but because they wanted it to keep things low and as hidden as they could. And, well, it's not like she's moving out tomorrow.

But maybe, that was the time of telling them the truth.

"Okay, fine." Minah puffed. The girls seemed to be surprised about how easily she opened up. "Last week, Mingyu asked me to move in with him, and I accepted."

"WHAT?!" Jennie and Lisa said together.

"Jesus Christ..." Rosé mumbled.

"Oh, Minah!" Jisoo cooed, standing up and opening her arms to hug the girl. "I'm so happy for you."

"Thank you!" Minah smiled, hugging Jisoo. "You're the only one, apparently." she said, pointing at the three girls sulking at her.

"You come home, saying you're moving out, and how do you want us to react?" Jennie suddenly said. "You just got in an accident, Minah."

"And I'm perfectly fine, unnie." she debated.

"Who am I going to wake up with pillow wars?" Lisa finally said.

"That's why we have Roseanne." Minah pointed at the girl.

"Excuse me?!" Rosé exclaimed, giggling.

"Just kidding."

"Guys, I think we should trust Minah." Jisoo said, hugging Minah's shoulder. "If she thinks this is a good idea, we should support her." 

"Exactly! What if it's not?" Lisa got up. "We've been living together for ten years, and now she just replace us with some tall boy." 

"I'm not replacing you, and he's not just some tall boy." Minah repeated.

"Then why didn't you tell us?" Rosé questioned. 

"Because of this!" Minah pointed at them. "I understand your worries, and I'm so, so thankful for them. I love you guys, and I love Mingyu too. Don't you guys dream about having a family? Marriage? Kids?"

Jennie interrupted Minah's speech.

"Oh my Gosh," she whispered to the girl, but it was loud enough. "are you pregnant?"

Minah took a deep breath before answering.

"No, unnie. I'm not." "I just wished you could have told us earlier before searching for your 'perfect' house." Lisa said, making quotes in the air.

"We were just walking around, Lisa. There's nothing decided yet." Minah tried to explain her.

"I think we're all with our nerves on edge." Jisoo, who was now trying to calm Lisa, said. "Minah is not that kid we met, girls. It's time to let her decide what she wants in her own life. We're not her parents. We're her members. We should help her instead of discouraging her."

Jennie got closer to Minah with a pout, and when she touched Minah's arm, she couldn't hold her tears anymore. Trying to hide her emotion from the girl, Jennie hugged her.

"I'm so proud of you, Mimi." Jennie said. "It's just that... You grew up too fast."

"Who am I to lie to you?" Lisa also said with a trembling voice, getting closer.

Deciding not to take that any further, Minah just opened her right arm, silently calling the other girls for a group hug. Rosé was the first one to hug her, and then Lisa, and then Jisoo.

"I'm going to miss you." Rosé sobbed, making Minah laugh.

"I'm not going to die, guys. We find a really cute house down the street that-" Minah said. Jisoo quickly covered her mouth with her hand.

The reader is the owner of a fairly popular (they would never ADMIT they're popular because they're one humble bastard) YouTube where they interview K-Pop groups

The show in which they interview said groups is popular because of how unconventional it is in comparison to other shows that idols go on

Think Jessi's show where she talks to idols - laid back, in your face, and just plain truthful to who they are as a person. You watch more for the interaction between the interviewer and the interviewees because you can tell they are comfortable (and at times uncomfortable because the questions get deep, but that's a good thing)

This show just has more activities and games they play that the artists enjoy :)

(I would say think Edward Avila's channel too, but he's no bueno. His interviews look fun and I like the times where he asks idols to do his makeup, but ehhhhh)

So the show has all kinds of guests on from groups of all sizes and popularity, because they're just interested in giving them a space to be themselves and answer good questions honestly and to leave feeling content :)))

And eventually they get word that BTS themselves are going to be guests on the show via their company really liking the show's structure

(Lmao can you even IMAGINE!!!)

So the day finally comes for the interview and it goes really well! The chemistry is good, the dynamic between host and guest is respectful and chill, and both the reader and the boys leave with smiles on their faces

The next day, however, the reader is trending all over the internet, mainly twitter

ARMY, the devote and eagle-eyed fan base they are, took a few clips from the interview and pointed out the tension between the reader and BTS

Of course there's tension, I mean who looks at BTS and isn't hit with a wave of appreciation (both for their appearance and personalities)??? Or maybe a little bit more than appreciation, but the reader is professional and didn't let it get to them.

Or so they THOUGHT.

The clip is a compilation of the reader looking at BTS with hungry eyes (drinking in their forms, biting their lips in concentration when they speak) and BTS reacting (fidgeting in their seats, smirking, their eyes flicking down to your lips when you bite them)

I mean, the clip certainly makes it LOOK like there's sexual tension between the two parties, but... that's all it is, right? Just a compilation of moments taken out of context.

Whipping around, you expect it to be the flight attendant, back to throw some humility in your face. But, alas. It is not a smartly dressed flight attendant. Instead you’re faced with the comfortably -- but in an obvious “this outfit costs more than your life” -- dressed neighbor of yours from across the aisle.

“Can I help you put the seat down?” He says, and something tells you he’s trying not to laugh behind that mask of his.

So, like the idiot you are, you answer him by saying, “Oh, sure, I mean, if you want to. I could figure it out probably, but I don’t know that I could fit the damage bill that will happen if I keep going.”

He really does laugh then, and you switch sides with him. 45 seconds, that’s how long it takes him to magically turn your chair into a bed. 45 seconds and then he’s turned around again to see you groaning with your hands over your face.

“First time?” He asks, signaling that he’s done and you need to move.

You jerk forward and run directly into him, pushing the both of you onto your seat-turned-bed. “Oh! Oh no! I! I did not mean to do that! Oh my gosh!”

You jump back off of him and the seat, to the sound of laughter, and not just a little bit of laughter, not the polite chuckle of society, or the awkward laugh that you do when you don’t know how to approach a situation. But roaring laughter from in front of you and from the row in front of your own.

“It’s okay. Really, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He says, still laughing but trying to get it under control.

You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes, partly out of exhaustion, and frustration, but also out of humiliation. “Oh, hey, I’m sorry. Don’t cry, please. I didn’t mean to startle you, I’m not hurt, or offended, if that helps?” And then to the other boisterous laughs he turns and just says, “Ya!”

He slowly reaches out and puts a hand near your shoulder, but not touching, “Are you okay?”

“I’m not crying,” You say trying not to wince at the obvious wobble in your voice. “Thank you for your help. I’m sorry to have bothered you.”

“Please, it was my pleasure.” He’s smiling, you’re sure, and you wonder what it looks like. “I’m Namjoon, by the way. It’s nice to meet you, and if you need help with anything else let me know.”

“Nice to meet you, too. I’m y/n.” You say, as you both switch sides in the aisle, making your way back to your own seats. Nodding toward his own seat turned bed you say, “Sleep well.”

You sit down and get situated as quickly as possible. Pulling out headphones to help your sleep efforts, and just before you turn on your music you hear a voice say, “Sleep well.”

You’re not sure how time went so quickly, perhaps the shame helped you to sleep better. You mildly consider trying to see if embarrassment will be your new melatonin pill, but then realize that you can only subject yourself to so much humiliation, and your quota is already met unintentionally on an almost daily basis.

But, before you know it, the flight attendant has come and helped you put the bed back into a seat, and you’ve landed at Incheon.

You check your phone only to see that your agent has called you fifteen times since you last had cell-service. Fifteen missed calls, ten voicemails, and twenty-three texts. Oh, and five emails, for good measure.

All of the messages hold the same amount of information - that you’re supposed to call her as soon as you land.

Rolling your eyes you glance at the seat across from you and see Namjoon is distracted by looking for something, so you make the call.

“Lisa, hey I was just returning your million calls. What’s up?”

”Where are you?”

“Uhm, South Korea, remember?”

”Obviously!” Lisa huffs, ”I mean, are you in the airport? Still on the plane? At the gate? Where are you physically right now?”

“Still on the plane, we literally just landed. It’ll probably take ten or so minutes to taxi to the gate. Why? What is going on?”

And then, the most absurd sentence you have ever heard comes out of the phone in your hand. ”You need a security team, someone’s going to try to kill you in the airport.”

“I’m sorry, what? That’s absurd! How much have you had to drink? Have you found the absinthe that we hid last Christmas?”

”Dammit, listen to me! We were tracking down the person that was stalking you in Italy, remember? Well they disappeared. We found the apartment they had been using, and all that was in it were recon photos, and a semi-hatched out plan to kill you.”

“That makes absolutely no sense. Lisa, why would someone want to kill me? I write books for a living. And they aren’t even political, or sketchy in the least bit. I mean, okay, my last book was about a serial killer, but still. It’s all fictional. And besides, they’re books. I’m not that well known as a writer, and even if people know my books they don’t typically recognize me. It’s not like I’m an actor or a singer or anything that is majorly in the public eye.”

You roll your eyes and stretch your neck, only to lock eyes with Namjoon. You awkwardly nod at him before lowering your voice and your head. “I swear it’ll be fine, Lisa. I’m just going to grab a cab and go to the apartment.”

”I am not going to risk your safety just because you have this weird independency complex. I’ve got a buddy that is an ex-military guy. He’s a body guard now, and a good one. He’s going to meet you at the gate, in fact he’s already there waiting for you. He’ll drive you to the apartment. Do. Not. Refuse.”

You groan audibly. “Lisa — “

”No!”She shouts at you through the phone. ”Stop being stubborn and just do this. Take it seriously for once!”

“Fine. Okay? Fine. But it’s just this once. And if you’ve informed my mother of any of this, then I’ll start looking for a new agent.” You say, only half serious about the threat.

”Thank you.”It’s such a quiet and small thank you that you almost feel bad for the stress you must have caused your friend and agent. ”My friend is at the gate, he said there are other body guards there too, sounds like there’s an idol group on the same flight. Which is good, that way there are more targets.”

“I know about the group.” You say, making eye contact with Namjoon again. “And, hey! Still people. Besides. Nothing’s going to happen. Just breathe, okay? I’ll call you when I get to the apartment.”

You hang up before she can interject again, shaking your head.

“Everything okay?” Namjoon asks politely.

“Oh, yeah, absolutely.” You say a tired smile behind your mask.

He goes to speak again when the captain comes over the PA system to let you know that you’ve docked and that there are two groups of people who need to be escorted off the flight first. You see a flight attendant walking toward you, and another toward Namjoon and his cohorts.

You nod the attendant off, grabbing your carry-on and showing yourself to the exit.

Before you even exit into the actual airport the throng of body guards catches your eyes.

“Y/N?” One of them asks, and you must admit, the South Korean Military is missing out on a very handsome man.

“That’s me. I’m really sorry about this.” You say rather timidly.

“No need to apologize, I’m happy to help.” He checks that you’re okay taking your own bag, and lets you know that someone else will grab your checked bag for you. “Okay, we’re going to wait and go with this other group, safety in numbers after all.”

“I really don’t think there’s any threat, we can just go. Plus, if there is a threat, I’d rather not put anyone else at risk.”

“We’re already at risk.” You hear a familiar voice state behind you.

“Even here? When you rake in the dough for your own country you’d think people would be a little more appreciative.” You say, turning to face Namjoon, and Yoongi.

“Even here.” And you can hear the sadness in the short sentence from Yoongi.

A couple of minutes later, you’re on your way, walking alongside the biggest boyband in the world and convincing yourself that you’re not freaking out about it, or about the apparent death threats against yourself.

You make it through the airport with no issues, thankfully, and before you part ways Namjoon reaches out to you again. “I really like your books, by the way. If you ever need a side-gig, let us know.”

You make it halfway to your new apartment when you think to check the slip of paper that Namjoon had given you. Scrawled in what is honestly some of the most beautiful handwriting you’ve ever seen, is a phone number and the word “seriously”.

***

Miraculously it had been three whole days before you texted the leader of your favorite Kpop group. You were honestly proud of yourself for not screaming when you’d bumped into him on the plane. And the fact that you held out for three whole days before texting him was a feat you never expected yourself to be able to manage. So to say you were proud of yourself was an understatement.

It had been a pretty quick exchange. Very quick, actually. You had let him know that it was you to get it started.

Y/N: Hey, this is Y/N from the flight. You may or may not remember that you slipped me your number and offered me a job?

President Namjoon: Of course I remember! I wondered if you lost my number, actually.

Y/N: Nope. Just got adjusted to my new home and have been a bit busy. You know about being busy, though.

President Namjoon: True, I do. So, you want a side job?

Y/N: That depends, is it illegal?🤨

President Namjoon: Of course not!

Y/N: Then deal.

President Namjoon: Haha okay, deal. Come to the hybe building, tell them that you’re here to see Jonathon, when you get to the front desk.

Y/N: Oo, is Jonathon a drug dealer?🧐

President Namjoon: I told you, it’s not illegal!

Y/N: Lame. On my way!

You had been somewhat surprised to get there, ask for Jonathon, and be rushed up who knows how many floors to Namjoon’s studio, where the rapline were working comfortably.

You’d surprised yourself by how comfortable you felt. You walked in smiling already, and asked Namjoon, “So, where are the drugs you need me to pack?”

He laughed, and by the way Yoongi and Hobi laughed you new they’d been in on the whole text exchange.

Your job was to accompany the boys to different schedules, to drive when needed, and mostly just to be their friend. You were okay with that. Definitely.

It’s been eight months now. You’ve been all over the country and have become very good friends with each of the boys.

You’ve moved quickly from admiration, to fondness and sometimes major amounts of frustration, for these seven men. And some of their friends.

Namely, the one knocking on the car window as you were sitting inside it. Park Seo Joon.

It had been pretty early on that you met the Wooga Squad with Tae. They were honestly so kind and welcoming that you felt like you belonged almost immediately. But this is pushing it for you.

You roll down the window slightly and Seo Joon grins. “I’m driving back with you guys!”

“Your manager didn’t say anything to me, and as far as I know it hasn’t been cleared with Hybe, so I can’t let you in the car. You know that.”

“I have my manager on the phone right now! See?” He shoves the phone through the barely rolled down window and you can hear his manager yelling through the phone.

After a quick conversation and a text to Bang PD from Tae, all of the approvals have been met, and now you’re driving back to Seoul with Park Seo Joon in the front seat, Tae and JK in the middle, Hobi and Yoongi in the back.

The Bangtan boys all seem to be asleep, but there’s no sign of Seo Joon falling asleep any time soon.

“Aren’t you tired?” You ask him again.

He grins, “No, are you trying to hint at the fact that you don’t want me to keep you company?”

“No.” You laugh, “but it’s fine if you want to get some sleep, I’m used to driving while everyone sleeps.”

“I want to talk to you though.” He replies, grinning still.

“You’ve been talking for two hours, and you still have more you want to say?” You laugh again. “We’ll be to your apartment in about forty-five minutes, so you better say whatever it is you want to.”

“You sure you want me to?” He asks, almost to himself.

You look at him questioningly, turning the music up slightly. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You seem happy.”

The sudden observation of your emotional state takes you off guard, “Thank you?”

“Are you?” He asks.

“I mean, yes? Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re not dating anyone.”

“And that’s a determining factor of my happiness because…?” You ask even more confused by this turn of events.

“I think we should date.”

At that you almost drive off the road. “What? How did you get to that conclusion?”

“I like —“

“No.” You say, cutting him off, and eye on the rear view mirror and the supposedly sleeping men it holds. “We are not having this conversation right now.”

“When else are we going to have it?” He insists, “They’re asleep, and it’s a conversation we need to have.”

“No, it’s a conversation you want to have. And you don’t know that they’re asleep. They fake it sometimes.” You insist right back remembering a horrifying moment involving you thinking they were asleep and singing to Stray Kids for twenty minutes.

“Tae!” He suddenly shouts.

You reach out to smack him as you check the mirror again only to see that no one even flinched.

“That doesn’t prove anything, in fact, I could argue that it means that they’re awake.”

He rolls his eyes, “Who cares if they’re awake. They know how I feel about you anyway.”

“What?” You screech. “You guys just talk about me when I’m not around now?”

“No, that’s not, I mean, sometimes? I had to tell them how I feel and make sure they were okay with it.”

“First off, who I’m with has nothing to do with anyone but me and the person I’m with. Secondly, I’m not some object that you have to get permission from them to borrow. And lastly, I would be the person that would be most important to have this information, wouldn’t I?”

“Yes, exactly! You should be in on this conversation, which is why I’m trying to have it right now!” He says, getting exasperated.

“No.” You say again, much softer this time. “I can’t be with you.”

“Can’t? Why not? What do I need to do?” He asks, pleadingly almost.

“It’s not about you as a person, it’s about your job. Seo Joon-ssi. I can’t handle the pressures of dating someone that millions of people around the world feel like they have ownership over them and their life. I can’t handle the pressure of being judged as not good enough for you, or for your fans. And above-all, I couldn’t handle dating someone, and knowing that part of their literal job is to go and kiss other women, women who are far more beautiful and successful than me. I’m too jealous and insecure of a person to handle that. So I can’t.”

Silence sits heavy between you two for a few minutes before he speaks again.

“What if I can promise it wouldn’t be like that?”

“You can’t.” You whisper.

“But what if I can. What if you just try it. Give me a month, a month to prove to you that you don’t have to worry about any of those things. We can date in secret, I’ll be picky about the roles I take. I’ll figure something out. Just give me a month.”

“Seo Joon-ah.” You say again, feeling defeated.

“One month. Please, that’s all. Just one month.”

You’re in Seoul now, pulling up to his house. You can see it, it’s only three houses down. You feel the vehicle slowing. You can’t bring yourself to say anything.

“One month.” You hear him say again, “If you don’t say anything I’m going to assume that the answer is yes.”

And then the car is stopping. It’s still one house down. You’re not there yet. But you’re not driving anymore. You’re at a standstill.

You turn to look him in the eye for the first time in twenty minutes.

You open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

So he says again, “One month.”

And then, like a crazy person, he jumps out of the car and runs the rest of the way to his house.

You watch him go inside, but you don’t drive yet.

You don’t drive again until you hear Tae quietly say, “Noona?”

It shakes you out of your reverie and you just mumble back, “Almost home.” And then you drive again.

When you wake up and head to Hybe the next morning you’ve almost managed to convince yourself that last night was a fever dream. That is, until you get the first text from Park Seo Joon.

😈 PSJ: “Good morning! Day one! Let’s have breakfast!”

You don’t reply, panicking, wondering if he’s actually going through with his crazy plan of a 30 day trial.

You continue to ignore - to the best of your ability - the five texts and seven phone calls in the next hour as you hide in the practice room with Hobi and Jimin.

Then Tae comes in and bursts your bubble. “Noona! Why aren’t you answering Seo Joon Hyung? Don’t worry, I told him you were here. Did you lose your phone again?”

“What?” You spring to your feet. “No! Tae! Why would you tell him where I am! What are you thinking?”

You look around the room frantically before rushing toward the door. “I have to go. I have to hide.”

“He’s on his way up though.”

You whip around and glare at Kim Taehyung before you sprint for the pile of rolling chairs in the corner of the room, jumping behind them just a split second before the door opens.

“Taehyung-ah! Oh! Hey guys! Where’s Y/N I thought you said she was here?”

And before you can even curse them in your mind if they rat you out you hear another voice that you didn’t know was in the room.

“She’s behind the chairs.”

“Min Yoongi!” You shout, appalled at the betrayal; Much to the amusement of the rest of the boys.

“Happy day one!”

“I never agreed to this.” You say backing up into the corner as Seo Joon stalks toward you. “I never said yes to your ridiculous idea. In fact I feel like I made myself really clear over the fact that this isn’t going to work.”

“You never said no. And I told you that not saying ‘no’ meant that you were saying yes.” He grins. “One month. Starting today.”

“I never —“

“He did say that though.” Tae says, making his ’Ta-Ta mic face’ when you glare at him.

“I knew you were awake, traitor.”