#ideservebetter

I still don’t know if I’m angry or sad. Your love left me like a pendulum flowing back and forth between my emotions.

Angry because you made me question my worth and beauty, when I was once everything you ever wanted then in the blink of an eye she was everything you ever wanted. You told me I was special and I would always be the “one” the one you went back to no matter what. I felt so special. You talked about having kids with me and I seen it I saw you in my future. But now is she the one? Or how about the other girls? I’m sad, sad because of what I still feel could have been, but then I also feel mostly confused...Do you miss me? I hope so because you still follow me on social media. I can't really tell you when we stopped — or even started. I guess at that very moment in my life I needed you. I didn't realize for a long time that you only graced me with your presence to teach me a lesson. A lesson about life. A lesson about love. A lesson about me.

You taught me to be more open. You broke down my walls that I built so high to protect myself. You taught me to go with the flow. You never took life too seriously, at least that's what I noticed from the short period of time we spent together. Was it short? From being kids in middle school to adults... I loved you as a kid even got in my first fight over you.

You taught me to express feelings. If I feel something, I'm going to say it. If I don't, well, I'm going to have to say that too. You leaving my life has helped me realize all the feelings I buried. It would be nice to go back in time, look you in the eye and tell you how much you mean to me.

It’s time I own up to my fault on where we went wrong I should of realized how lucky I was to have the time I had and I should of loved you while you were mine. But I was numb I was scared to love I was scared that you were gonna leave me like I’ve been left for others my whole life..... and you did but I was partially to blame. I should of loved you more while I had the opportunity. Needless to say I was sleep walking through my life. I was blissfully content to believe that I was living fully—I made mistakes, stayed out too late, loved the wrong people around me, searched for adventure until my heart was full and I was happy. But never did I love myself. But you loved everyone who crossed your path with the same energy as you put into us? Was I special? Or maybe you just always gave everyone your everything...

Now, I want us to be more than we were before. We must've had some sort of connection then. Why can't we pick up where we left off? Why can't you respond to the text I sent you a month ago? I won't take offense, at least I won't tell you I take offense.

In your defense, you had every right to leave me high and dry. I was guarded, wound too tight, indecisive, and I'm just as confused about myself as you are. You have every right to move on. I mean, hello, I gave you zero indication I have a soul. So maybe we shouldn't get back together. You were good for me when I needed you. You gave me a reason to start writing again and I use to love doing that.

Thanks for being there for me then. I really needed you. I hope I taught you something about yourself too. I'm happy you were my "Almost happy ending”