The Great Ant War of 2018

By Here Today and John Tomorrow

It's not as if I had never seen an Ant before. I had known ants all my life. But I could never call an Ant my friend and today, I had been forced to acknowledge they were the enemy.

When I first arrived, a roommate had warned me. He had pointed to the all to familiar traps and a comical spraybottle which looked more ready to clean a window than kill an ant.

I remember looking around and not seeing ants. I thought that ants wouldn't happen to me. Two days later, I had dinner and put my food away. Three days later I had breakfast and put my food away. I left for school and when I returned I found them.

As I reached for my Peter Pan Peanut Butter, the only peanut butter that refuses to grow up as much as I do, I saw them. There was a significant number of ants that appeared to be trying to find their way into the peanut butter itself. I saw them disappearing underneath the lid.

I immediately threw aside the peanut butter, which in the end was unimportant to check on the Nutella, the only thing worth waking up for. Luckily, only two ants had begun a perfunctory scouting of the lower parts of the nutrition label.

After first dealing with the ants which had made it onto the food and then placing the food aside I took note of the pantry, now full of ants. I had to immediately strike back and luckily, I had armed myself for this very moment.

Taking the aersol can of Raid I had purchased, I sprayed the walls and the floors, laying waste to countless ants and ants yet to come. As I wiped up the bodies of countless ants ruined with poison, I wept for I knew our Fates were intertwined.