#ial

PRESENT DAY

Danny sat on the edge of the couch, a blanket draped over his lap. He absentmindedly chewed on his lip and appeared deep in thought.

Lee entered the room, a wide smile plastered across his face.

“Hey,” Lee called out as he walked closer to where Danny was perched on their shared furniture.

Danny looked up, momentarily shaken from his thoughts at the sound of his husband's voice.

“Hey you,” he replied warmly. Danny instinctively opened his arms and, as if on cue, Lee flopped down next to him before wriggling his own arms around Danny’s waist - nestling himself in between Danny and the arm rest of the couch. Danny gently rested his arms around Lee’s shoulders, to which his husband responded by laying his head against Danny's chest.

“What are you up to?” Lee asked, glancing up at Danny with a curious expression.

“Mm, just thinking,” Danny answered.

“About?”

“You, actually,” Danny admitted. A small, cheeky smile spread across his mouth as he watched Lee’s eyebrow raise.

“Oh yeah?” Lee paused for a bit, taking in Danny’s expression with slight suspicion. He continued, though there was a small nervousness in his voice, “All good things, I hope?”

Danny gave a small laugh, though he nodded and said, “The best.”

“Tell me about it?”

“Well, for starters,” Danny began, moving his left hand and glancing at the ring nestled on his finger. He gave a soft smile and continued, “Our anniversary is soon. Can you believe we have been married over twenty years?”

“Has it really been that long?” Lee asked, though Danny simply responded with a small nod.

“Damn, that makes me feel old,” Lee joked.

“You are old, Lee,” Danny teased, though Lee rolled his eyes.

“Hey!” He exclaimed, pursing his lips into a small pout. “You're older than I am, Daniel,” he protested.

“By four months.” Danny retorted with a small huff. However, there was no real annoyance in his voice.

“Still older than me!” Lee replied.

Lee spoke once more, a reminiscent look on his face, “Man, it feels like we started dating yesterday.”

Danny nodded again and his smile grew.

“That's what I was thinking about, actually,” Danny admitted. He paused for a bit, thinking, before adding, “Well, I was more thinking about.. what happened before then. You know, when I confessed to you.”

Lee nodded. He remembered that day very well - he even considered it one of the happiest days of his life. A small, content sigh slipped past his lips.

“That was a good day,” Lee said, his tone very soft and affectionate.

“It was, wasn't it?” Danny agreed. “Even though I was so nervous I felt like I was going to explode.”

“Oh?” Lee raised an eyebrow. He looked at his husband, a small amount of disbelief crossing his features. “You were nervous?”

“Yeah..?” Danny replied, his face contorting in confusion, “Couldn’t you tell?”

Lee shook his head, “No..”

Lee, of course, could tell. He knew Danny’s mannerisms just as well then as he knew them now. It wasn’t hard for him to notice when Danny felt anxious or upset. He simply chose not to bring attention to it - usually preferring to comfort him without making him feel awkward about it.

“Well, I’m glad about that, at least,” Danny chuckled.

“I.. uh.. spent hours in front of the mirror.. Trying to give myself the courage to finally tell you, practicing what to say, you know,” Danny explained. He rubbed the back of his neck and added, “It... was kind of embarrassing, to be honest.”

“I don't think it's embarrassing,” Lee said as he shook his head, a small frown forming on his lips. “It's.. cute, actually. Endearing. Knowing you put that much effort into doing something for me, that is.”

“You know,” Lee started. He pursed his lips together, thinking back to that day. He only really knew how the events went down from his point of view. He hadn’t considered how different things were from Danny’s perspective. Lee continued, expressing this very thought, “I never asked what that day was like.. From your point of view, I mean.”

“That’s true..” The brunet acknowledged. Danny sat there, puzzled. His face scrunched up slightly as he tried to remember if Lee ever mentioned his own recollection of the events. Surprisingly, his mental search came up quite empty. He turned to Lee, a small frown on his lips, and confessed, “Now that I think about it.. I never asked you, either.”

“Hmm,” Lee hummed, a sudden thoughtfulness coming over him. He continued, “Oh, I know! How about you tell me what happened that day? At least, what happened before and after we spoke.”

“Ah.. I don't know..” Danny wasn’t sure why, but he suddenly felt embarrassed about sharing his experiences with Lee. He hadn’t told anyone the extent of what happened - not even Josie, and he told his sister everything.

“C’mon, Dan,” Lee begged, an over exaggerated pout on his lips. “I can tell you what it was like for me, too. Does that sound fair?”

“Well..” Danny started, pursing his lips together as he thought about Lee’s request.

He wasn’t sure why he was so apprehensive. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to share his adventures with Lee, no, Danny would happily tell Lee anything he wanted to know. Despite this, he found himself hesitating. Maybe it was because Danny didn’t want Lee to feel guilty about how anxious he had been that day? That was probably it, he concluded.

Danny knew Lee, which meant he also knew his husband had a tendency to blame himself for others’ negative emotions. Since his anxieties stemmed from thoughts of Lee, Danny could only assume how well he would handle the new knowledge. On the other hand, Danny knew that this was something he really wanted to share with Lee. Besides, he wanted to hear about Lee’s experiences as well.

He glanced at Lee, listening to his words as he continued to think. Danny felt own curiosity grow. “I have always wondered what you were doing in the two hours you ‘went to think’.”

“Okay,” he answered finally, giving a small nod towards his husband, “I’ll tell you.”

…

JULY 15, 1999

Danny had been thinking about Ken’s words since their conversation, rotating the words in his mind as he stared at the wall ahead of him. He had been stationed in the medical tent today. Luckily, the workday was rather slow, so Danny had been put in charge of the busywork - sorting papers, filing documents, and the like. It wasn't an extremely important task, but it was important enough that he needed to pay close attention to what he was doing, which he was currently, well, not doing. At least not as well as he could have, if he was not distracted.

He tried to busy himself with his daily tasks - practically begging his mind to focus on something other than his thoughts -, but it was clear his heart wasn't really in his work. He couldn’t seem to focus on the documents in front of him, and he was sure his supervisor would take notice of his distracted nature.

And, notice he did.

“Sawyer,” a voice called out as footsteps approached Danny’s work area.

Danny gulped and looked towards the voice. He knew that voice all too well. It was his supervisor.

“Uh.. Yes, sir?” Danny answered. As the man moved closer, Danny felt himself shrink under his gaze. This was one of the last things Danny needed right now.

“Everything alright, son?” the man asked, raising an eyebrow as he looked over Danny’s shoulder, glancing at the stack of papers in front of him - the stack that seemed only slightly smaller than it had an hour ago.

Danny followed his gaze towards the papers. His lips formed together into a small line. “Yes, sir, everything is.. fine.” He replied, hoping the pause in his words wasn't as evident as it felt.

“Are you sure?” The man questioned, squinting harshly. “You seem a bit… distracted, Private.”

Danny bit down on the inside of his lower lip. How could he possibly explain what was occupying his mind at that moment? How would someone explain that he was debating telling his friend that he had a crush on him? More importantly, how could he explain that he was only distracted because he was thinking about said friend.

“One-hundred percent,” Danny answered, sending a half-hearted smile towards his superior (one he hoped didn't read as a grimace).

“Alright, well..” The man pointed towards the documents before giving a dismissive wave of his hand, “Just.. pick up the pace, would you?” Danny nodded before silently returning to his work.

He picked up the document stack and tried to steer his wandering mind away from his thoughts of Lee, however, he would be lying if he said he was successful in doing this. Every time he'd make some progress, or there'd be a lull in the workload in front of him, his mind seemed to drift away.

He found himself glancing at the clock, simply to check how much longer he had in his shift, but the next thing he knew, Danny’s train of thought changed tracks and he found himself thinking about Lee once again. He knew Lee was always late, so he could almost picture him staring at a clock very similar to this one before rushing to find his misplaced uniform.

Danny smiled to himself as the image filled his mind and the tiniest amount of warmth covered his cheeks, though he was quick to shake himself out of it. Come on, Danny, he mentally scolded himself, stop getting distracted. He needed to return to the task at hand.

He urged himself to focus, tearing his eyes away from the clock. It worked, for a few moments, then his thoughts began to roam once more. He let out a low noise of frustration. Why couldn’t he just focus? Danny normally didn't find it this hard to pay attention, but it seemed like the harder he tried to ignore his thoughts, the more one thing - well, one person, really - seemed to fill his mind. He needed to finish his workload so he could talk to Lee and (hopefully) clear his head.

Danny glanced down at his (now much smaller) stack of documents, and pursed his lips together. As he was inspecting them, he noticed they were not marked as “priority”. This gave him an idea.

He stood up and straightened his workplace, then he slowly approached his boss.

Danny cleared his throat, getting his attention, “Um, excuse me, sir?”

“Yes?”

“Well.. I was looking at the remaining documents,” Danny started, motioning back to his own desk. “They’re not marked ‘priority’.. so..”

“I was, um, wondering,” He spoke, though he was trying to work up the courage to finish his sentence. Eventually, he took a deep breath and added, “I was wondering if I could leave early today. I’ll come in early tomorrow and stay later. I.. I’ll, um.. tidy the tent, sort the supplies, anything-.”

“Danny,” his supervisor interrupted, holding his hand up. Danny nervously chewed on the inside of his cheek, waiting for the response. The man continued, “That won’t be necessary, son. It's a slow day, so go ahead and take off.”

“Are you sure?”

“You’re a good kid, always on time and you rarely ever mess up,” he praised, giving Danny a small pat on his shoulder. “You don't have to make up for anything. Just.. take the afternoon off and deal with whatever has been bothering you, alright? That’s all you have to do.”

“Thank you, sir,” Danny replied, exhaling a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. He turned and walked towards the tent’s entrance.

“Enjoy your afternoon, Private Sawyer.” The man called out as Danny exited - the tent’s flaps still moving with the wind.

Danny buzzed with excitement and glanced toward his watch. Judging by the time, Lee would still be in the cabin. If he hurried, he might be able to catch him before he left. However, as he walked closer to Cabin Five, his excitement began to fizzle out. In its place formed a large ball of nervousness. He had been thinking about it all day, yet, as the time drew closer he realized he didn't have any idea of what to say. Nor did he know how Lee would respond once he said it.

He stared ahead, noting that the cabin’s door was only a few feet in front of him. He saw Lee’s head in the window and his heart began beating faster; a faint, fluttery tightness formed in his stomach. Danny was used to this, after all, he’d dealt with it for months now - ever since that game of truth or dare - but now it felt different, decisive. Was his crush really worth it?

Danny made a mental list of pros and cons: he thought about how happy Lee made him, he thought about that feeling he got whenever he was around, and he thought about how he could never stay mad at him - no matter the antics.

But.. he also thought about the consequences: if someone found out about it, the two of them could be kicked out of the military, plus they’d face ridicule from, well.. everyone. Not to mention, Danny had already experienced the ridicule, the teasing, hell, even the name calling, first hand. He could only assume how much worse it would get, especially for Lee. He thought about their friendship. Could he really risk putting Lee through that? Danny felt even more uncertain. Was he making the right decision?

What if the others began to harass Lee because of it, because of him? What if, after he told him how he felt, Lee decided he never wanted to speak to him again? Worse: what if Lee became disgusted with the thought of it and with the thought of him? Danny didn’t know if he could live with that.

His palms suddenly felt clammy and, despite being outside, he now found it hard to breathe. Danny paced back and forth, desperately trying to calm himself down. It didn't work.

I can’t do this, he thought as his heartbeat began throbbing in his chest. The sound of his blood rushing through his veins loudly pulsed in his eardrums, completely overwhelming his senses. Oh, I can’t do this.

His throat contracted, his mind still racing with “what if” scenarios. He suddenly felt nauseous. Of course, Danny knew what was happening instantly - especially since he had lived with anxiety for nearly all of his life - but a part of him was still surprised at how fast (and unexpectedly) it could sneak up on him. Maybe he was more nervous than he had originally thought. After all, he hadn't experienced an attack like this in months.

Danny glanced around - looking for somewhere, anywhere, that would help him calm down. His eyes landed on the bathroom building a few feet away. He sprinted towards it.

As soon as he entered, Danny hunched over the sink, grabbing onto the smooth porcelain bowl. His breathing began speeding up and, soon enough, he was hyperventilating. He gripped his chest - as if his hand would stop his heart’s rapid beating. His other hand tightened around the sink basin - holding on tight enough for his knuckles to turn white. The room around him began spinning. He felt dizzy - and like he was going to hurl - but he desperately tried to keep his feet planted on the ground. It didn't seem to work, and he began swaying from side to side. Just as he was sure he was about to fall and crash against the ground, strong arms caught him.

“Are ye alright, lad?” the voice belonging to the arms asked, carefully helping Danny stand upright. He continued, “Ya look a little …pale..”

It took Danny a moment to comprehend the words being spoken to him, but all he could do was shake his head.

“Can't..” he struggled, gripping his chest once more, “Can't breathe..”

“Anxiety,” he started again, his words coming out between large gasps for air, “anxiety attack.”

“I got ya,” the man replied as he guided Danny towards the wall before helping him down into a sitting position. “It's alright, I got ya,” he repeated.

“Danny,” he said, trying to get Danny’s attention, “I need you to look at me, son.” It took Danny a moment to realize, but he urged himself to glance up.

“I’m goin’ t’ help ya, okay? Just.. do what I do,” the man explained. He began taking deep breaths - moving his hands to show the in and out motions to help Danny breathe along.

Danny tried his best to follow the man’s directions, but his mind was still racing. With time, and the constant help and reassurance from the man, Danny’s breathing soon returned to normal, his heart rate slowing, yet he still felt nauseous..

“Now, what’s got ya all.. anxious?” The man, who Danny finally recognized as Willy, asked. Willy rested a careful, fatherly hand on Danny’s shoulder as he spoke again - his tone serious. “They ain't picking on you again, are they?”

“No, no,” Danny replied, shaking his head. “Nothing like that, Willy. Don’t worry.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s..” He began, pursing his lips and grimacing slightly, “hard to explain?”

“Ahh, I see,” Willy replied with an understanding nod. He squinted at Danny - scrutinizing him with an up-and-down glance over - before adding, “Ya havin' some love trouble?”

“Um,” Danny sputtered. If Willy was able to deduce that from a simple glance, Danny could only assume how obvious it was to everyone else. A faint blush crept across his cheeks. He mumbled, “Something like that.”

“Well, tell yer ol’ pal Willy about it,” Willy encouraged. He squeezed Danny's shoulder and said, “I have a feelin’ I might be able to help.”

“Err.. That’s nice of you, Willy, but..”

“But ye don’t think I’ll understand?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “I’ve heard a lot in my time. Nothin’ you say will surprise or upset me, I promise ya.”

Danny thought for a moment. He looked at the man in front of him - really looked at him. He felt Willy was trustworthy enough. After all, he had helped him in the past, but Danny decided to play it safe.

“What do you do if there's this g- ..person..” He began, quickly cutting himself off and changing the word “guy” to “person”. He continued, “and you really like this person, but.. you don’t know if said person feels the same way?”

“And, like.. you’re friends with this person, so you don't want to ruin that.. and you also feel like this person liking you back is.. nearly impossible. As in.. not even an option..”

“But.. it’s eating you alive because every time you see this person, your chest gets tight and your heart starts pounding, and.. you really, really don't want to ruin things between the two of you. But, at the same time, you want this person so badly because.. because..” He trailed off, his face flushing a deeper crimson.

“Because?” Willy asked, listening intently.

“You can't stop thinking about how it felt when h- .. this person kissed you. And.. and you'd give anything to experience that again. But you're so scared of what will happen.. and you don't want to lose this person because you value the friendship you have.”

“Well..” Willy started. He hummed faintly, brushing his hand along his scruffy beard as he thought of a reply. “Do you know why you're scared?”

“I don't know.. Rejection?” Danny answered, shrugging his shoulders. That was part of it, he knew, but was it all of it? He pulled his knees towards his chest, burying his face in the coarse fabric of his uniform. “Mm.. ridicule. The fact that it could possibly ruin everything, and.. not just for me. Embarrassing myself.”

“There's a lot I’m afraid of, Willy,” Danny admitted, his face falling as he realized just how true that statement was. He began to wonder if his fears outweighed the small bubble of warmth that had nestled in his chest whenever he was around Lee. As if he could read Danny’s thoughts, Willy spoke once more.

“And, this person, what do ya like about them?”

“Well, for starters, this person is so caring, sweet.. and thoughtful,” he paused for a moment, a faint smile forming on his lips. He continued, “How this person is always helping others, how easy it is for this person to make friends with everyone..”

What else did he like about Lee? Danny closed his eyes, his mind filled with endless lists - ranging from small, insignificant details, to Lee’s personality traits. How could he possibly choose?

Danny seemed to get caught up in his own thoughts. He began rambling - listing everything he could think of. By now, he had completely forgotten he was supposed to be “playing it safe”.

“And.. he’s so, so funny, even without trying. He always seems to know exactly what to say, when and how to say it, how to cheer someone up when they need it,” The words seemed to flow out before he realized it. He didn’t seem to notice his slip-up, either.

It dawned on Danny just how long he had been speaking (and that he hadn’t allowed Willy any time to respond - until now, that is). A light blush dusted across his cheeks once more as he (finally) finished listing things about Lee - embarrassed at how carried away he had gotten. He clamped his mouth shut and gave an awkward, halfhearted chuckle before signalling that he was finished.

Upon noticing that Danny had finished speaking, Willy gave an understanding nod.

“I don't think this is an ordinary crush, son,” he started, moving to gently rest his hand on Danny’s shoulder once more. Danny opened his eyes when he felt the touch, then his expression turned confused.

“What do you mean?”

Willy gave a small, hearty chuckle and replied, “I think yer in love with him.”

“How did you-?” Danny replied, his face paling. Had he heard Willy correctly? He gulped harshly, hoping he was wrong.

“Ye, uh.. said ‘he’ when ya got a little too passionate at the end there,” Willy explained. He watched as Danny's eyes widened. Willy held his hands up defensively, quickly moving to reassure the boy, “Don't worry, son. I’m not goin’ to tell anyone.”

“But.. I think you have t’ tell him, Danny,” Willy said. He pointed at Danny, moving his finger to gently poke him in the chest - near his heart - before adding, “how ya feel, I mean.”

“I.. I’ve been trying but..,” Danny replied, his expression turning slightly dejected, “I just.. I start to, and then I usually decide it would be better if I didn't say anything.”

“That way.. I don't have the chance to ruin what we have.” He admitted sadly, glancing down at his shoes.

Willy nodded once more, though there was a sadness in his expression. “I used to think the same thing, lad.”

“Huh?”

“There was this person - he was the best friend I ever had, an amazin’ man with an even more amazin’ heart.. an’ one day, I realized I had feelin’s for him, like you with your friend,” Willy began, closing his eyes as he retold the story.

He took a deep breath and shook his head sadly, “I was so scared of ruinin’ what we had that I didn’t tell ‘em. Years later, he got married an’ had his own family and I.. I just swallowed my feelings. I wasn’t going to tell him after learnin’ that.”

“So.. I continued to ignore it, to convince meself it would go away or I’d get over it. Somethin’ like that,” He sighed and opened his eyes. He looked up and Danny noticed how sad Willy had become. The man spoke once more, “The next time I saw him? He died right in front of me - savin’ people I should've saved, but I wasn’t strong enough to get ‘em all.”

“I should be proud, really,” Willy said, bitterly. “I saved so many other people that day..”

“But in the end?” He continued, shaking his head solemnly, “I couldn’t save th’ person who meant the most to me.”

“Ain’t that just so damn ironic?” The man chuckled dryly, but Danny wondered if that was Willy’s way of holding back tears. He paused for a moment - silently composing himself - before continuing.

“I never told him how I felt,” Willy admitted, turning to look Danny directly in the eyes before adding, “I regret that decision every day of my life.”

“Don’t make the same mistake I did, lad,” He said, though the serious tone in his voice made it seem like a warning.

“There’ll never be a ‘perfect’ anythin’ - time, scenario, what have ya - to say how ye feel..”

“But it will always be the wrong one if ya don’t ever do it.”

“Trust me, son,” Willy advised, his words seeming to hit Danny directly in his core, “You don’t want t’ risk losin’ what could happen because yer afraid of ruinin’ what you already have.”

Danny went silent, thinking deeply about what Willy had told him. It seems there was more weight added to his mental scale; on one hand: he could tell Lee how he felt and have the possibility of rejection but at least Lee would know how he felt, on the other: he could swallow his feelings until it was too late and spend the rest of his life drowning in regret. He wasn't sure what seemed worse.

“But.. what if I can’t do it?” He asked, a small bubble of nervous energy building once more, “Everytime I try.. I get so nervous, and then I just chicken out.”

“I think ya can,” Willy stated matter-of-factly, “Ya just have to stop doubting yourself.”

“I think ye will feel better when ya finally get it off yer chest - no matter the outcome,” He explained, looking at Danny with a serious expression across his face, “If he says no, it won't be the end of the world, lad.”

“And, besides,” The man spoke, “I’m assumin’ ya haven't asked this friend of yours his.. eh.. preference.. So.. ya really don’t know if he’ll even reject you. He could say ‘yes'.”

“But ye will never know unless ya try.”

Danny chuckled. Willy raised an eyebrow before asking, “Eh? Did I say somethin' off?”

“No, it's just..” Danny replied, shaking his head as he thought about his earlier conversation with his friend, “Ken told me the same thing earlier..”

“Then I think ya know what you have to do, son.”

“Yeah,” Danny said, a wave of determination coursing through him, “Yeah, I do.”

…

Danny pushed himself into a standing position before dusting himself off. Afterwards, he turned towards the sink and looked in the mirror. He still felt a bit bedraggled, but he hoped his previous anxiety wasn't visible on his face.

He turned on the tap and cupped his hands beneath the meager stream of water.. Once his hands had filled, he carefully brought them to his face - splashing the water against his cheeks and scrubbing gently.

It wasn't much, but the small ritual was something Danny hoped would ease his nerves. For the briefest moment, as the icy water crashed against his face, Danny felt himself regain his focus.

I can do this.

Once he finished washing off his face, he carefully dried both his face and hands before turning back to Willy.

“Thanks, by the way,” He said, nodding in the man’s direction.

“For what?” Willy asked. He raised an eyebrow. Willy wasn’t sure how helpful he had actually been, so Danny’s gratitude felt a bit strange to him.

“This.. everything,” Danny explained, motioning to where Willy was still crouched, resting on one knee near the spot where Danny had been previously. He continued, “Helping me, calming me down.. Sharing your story, listening to me.”

“Ya don't have to thank me, lad,” Willy replied, shaking his head. “You did most of it on yer own, anyway. I was just here.”

“But, if ya really want to thank me,” He added, standing up and approaching Danny. He rested his hand on Danny’s shoulder and used his other hand to point towards the boy's cabin. Willy continued, “Ye tell me what Private Leegland says, alright?”

“How-?” Danny stammered, a look of pure bewilderment covering his features. Was it really that obvious?

Instead of replying, Willy simply gave Danny a pat on the back, followed by a knowing smile. He remained silent as he carefully pushed Danny forward and out the door.

…

Danny took a deep breath as he approached the door to Cabin Five, his hand hovering inches above the doorknob. However, before Danny could turn it himself, the door opened from within and a hurriedly moving Lee emerged - only looking up when he noticed shoes standing in his path.

“Danny?” Lee asked, stopping himself before he crashed into his friend. He continued, his face contorting in confusion, “What are you doing here?”

“Hey, Lee, uh..” Danny started, trying his best to hide the wave of nerves that had resurfaced. He bit down on his bottom lip and slowly looked up before adding, “Can we talk?”

“I’m not in trouble, am I?” Lee joked, knowing he was already quite late. When Danny only responded with a dry chuckle, his eyes widened.

“Oh,” He gulped, “Oh, you’re serious.” Lee felt his heart sink.

“Uh.. yeah,” Lee answered, stepping back and motioning for Danny to come inside, “Yeah, we can talk.”

Once the two were inside, Lee closed the door behind them. He turned to look at Danny, who was currently rubbing the back of his neck. Something, Lee noticed, Danny did whenever he was nervous, whether or not Danny - himself - knew he did this, Lee wasn’t sure.

“Look, man, if.. if I did something, I’m really, really sor-”

“Lee, you haven't done anything wrong,” Danny interjected, quickly reassuring his friend. He continued, “It’s the opposite, actually.”

Lee’s eyes widened, but he simply said, “Do you want my help? I’m sure that - if we work together- we can fix whatever happened before someone notices.”

“No, it’s not that, either,” He shook his head, though the tightness formed in his chest at the idea. Here Lee was again, selflessly offering to help someone else. How could anyone not feel something when they thought about it? Danny had no idea. He took another deep breath, though he noticed a slight tremor in his hands.

“Lee, you are an amazing person, you know that?” Danny began. He closed his eyes as he tried to gather his thoughts. He had thought about this moment for months, but now that it was here, he couldn't seem to find the words. It was as if his mind was suddenly blank.

Lee gave a small chuckle, though his own nervousness began to rise. He nodded slowly, “Uh-huh..?”

With his eyes still closed, more words began flowing from Danny’s lips, “You’re so, so kind.. and thoughtful. You always help anyone you can. You make sure no one gets left out. You're so funny, and.. and nice to be around. And.. there's so much more I could spend hours listing.”

He took another shaky breath before finally opening his eyes. Danny moved slightly closer to his friend, who appeared a mixture of confused and nervous. Lee hadn't heard this much praise in his life (usually it was quite the opposite, save for his Oma’s loving reassurances). However, Lee remained silent - continuing to let Danny speak.

“I have learned all these things in the time I’ve known you and.. I’m really glad you're my friend.. but…”

“But?” Lee asked, his nerves rising even further, a small amount of fear seemed to creep in as well.

“But.. I don’t think it would be fair to continue to call myself your friend if I kept this from you any longer,” Danny explained. He moved slightly closer to Lee once more - within arms reach.

“I’m.. not sure I understand,” Lee began. Thousands of thoughts coursed through his mind - was Danny going to break off their friendship? Had he done something so horrible, so awful, that made Danny no longer want to be around him? Without even realizing it? He spoke again, his own voice shaking with sadness, “What.. what are you saying, Danny? Do you not want to be friends anymore?”

“No!” Danny exclaimed, his eyes wide with shock. “No, no.. nothing like that, I promise.”

Lee’s face contorted in confusion. He looked at Danny, suspiciously, and asked, “Then.. what are you saying?”

“Lee..” Danny began. He took a long, deep breath, hesitating for quite a while. Eventually, he reached out and carefully took Lee’s hand - holding it with both of his own. He continued, “I have admired you since the day we met. You, who didn't know anyone, chose me of all people to talk to. I still don't know why, but, Gosh, I was really glad you did. I thought you were so.. amazing.”

“I.. I had a really, really awful time before you arrived. The other cadets, they..” He paused, grimacing and trying to find the best way to word it. “They.. made fun of me, teased me, and called me basically every horrible name under the sun, man. Just because of who I was - and, don’t get me wrong - I am not ashamed of who I am or… or who I like, but God, they made me feel like I should be,” Danny admitted. His chest began to hurt as he thought about it.

“And then you came along,” He looked at Lee, a soft smile on his face. “They tried so hard to ‘befriend’ you - you know, recruit you into their stupid game and whatnot. But.. you didn’t care about any of that. You walked through those doors that day and approached me, despite all the glares and odd looks everyone gave me.”

“You were my first real friend, Lee,” Danny lamented. His expression was now slightly sad, though the smile was still plastered across his lips. He continued, “And.. you liked me, really liked me - all of me. I mean.. You accepted me, even the parts everyone else hated.”

“You stuck around me - even though you could have easily made friends with any person you wanted,” he expressed, though there was an unreadable emotion in his voice. Guilt, maybe? As if, for the first time, it dawned on Danny just how many friends Lee missed out on because of him. He sighed, shaking the thought from his mind, and continued, “And, when they wanted you to hang out with them, you always made sure I was included.”

“Then… when they invited you to play party games, I said that I would just stay in the cabin - so I wouldn’t ruin everyone’s fun. You came and dragged me along anyway. You said you didn't want me to be left out - that.. That it wouldn’t be fun if I wasn’t there.. “

“And, of course, they hated this, so they tried to kick me out of the game as soon as possible; they ended up giving me a dare I couldn't possibly do, and told me that I had to leave unless I did it,” He recalled, his eyebrows knitting together. He thought for a moment, then gave a small, grateful laugh and resumed, “You go so mad at them - insisting that it was unfair, even though they didn’t care. Obviously, I tried to tell you it was fine, and I would just leave. But you.. you did the dare for me. All because you wanted me to keep playing.”

“And, oh man, ever since that moment - the moment you kissed me just to keep me in the game of Truth or Dare - I found myself thinking.. I want to experience that again.”

“I.. I tried to ignore it, for a while. You know, just write it off as part of a game, something that didn't mean anything.. but.. a small part of me realized I did want it to mean something,” Danny admitted, suddenly shy. He continued, “Later, when Ken arrived, and you instantly knew you had to try to protect him from Ray.. I knew it wasn't going to be easy to get you out of my head.”

“Little things you did - maybe a joke you said, or the way you'd playfully punch my arm.. - they gave me this fluttery feeling in my stomach, and.. my chest tightened whenever you were around. I tried to ignore it again, but it seemed like, every time I was around you, it got harder and harder to ignore.”

“So.. I tried to come up with the right words, the right time, the best way to tell you, but.. there was always something stopping me. Myself, mostly, out of fear. And.. I wouldn't say anything after all.”

“But, after talking with someone today, I realized that there is never going to be a right time, but if I don't ever say anything, it will always be the wrong time - until it's too late to say anything at all.”

“I guess what I’m saying is..” Danny finally concluded, giving Lee’s hand a gentle squeeze. He looked up at Lee and gulped harshly. Part of him wondered if it was too late to run away, the other part knew that was a stupid thing to ask. He continued, “I.. I am in love with you, Lee, and I have been for a while now.” He felt his cheeks flush slightly - Danny wasn’t sure he had admitted this to anyone, especially himself, until now. He felt lighter - as if, by realizing that he was, in fact, in love with Lee, a weight had been lifted off his chest.

Unfortunately, that giddy feeling only seemed to last until he heard Lee’s response.

“Oh..” Lee replied, dumbfounded. His eyes were wide, and his arm lay limp in Danny’s grasp.

“Ah.. you.. you don't have to say anything,” Danny immediately began rambling once again, a mixture of shame and embarrassment taking over him.

More words spewed out as his face turned a deeper crimson, “I’m so sorry.. I just.. er.. I had to tell you or I’d regret it.” He moved backwards, quickly releasing Lee’s hand from his grasp.

Danny grimaced, mentally facepalming. How had he managed to let Ken and Willy talk him into this? Stupid, stupid, stupid, he chastised himself.

“Danny,” the taller boy said finally, carefully grabbing Danny’s hand once more before he could move too far away. Danny couldn't make himself meet Lee’s eyes. The ginger sighed, though he crouched down slightly and gazed up at Danny. He continued, “You have nothing to apologize for. I’m really glad you told me.”

Danny gave a small gasp of relief. He finally looked up, allowing Lee to straighten back to full height, before looking him in the eyes. Lee’s expression was unreadable - Danny was sure his own was a mix of uneasiness and shame.

“It’s just.. this is a lot right now,” Lee explained carefully. His face turned soft, though Danny was still unable to decipher the emotion that spread across his features. Lee continued, “I.. need to take a walk. Take some time to just.. be alone and think. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, yeah..” Danny replied, the anxiety rising from deep inside his chest. He continued, nodding frantically, “Yeah.. it's okay. Take.. Take all the time you need.”

“Actually,” Danny spoke again, giving a nervous chuckle. He grimaced before sputtering, “You, uh.. don't have to reply at all. Hah.. you could just forget I even said anything.. And- and we can act like it never even happened.”

Lee frowned at Danny’s words, shaking his head. Danny rubbed the back of his neck once again, fidgeting slightly in place. He took in the sight of Danny’s nerves and instantly moved to reassure his friend somehow.

“I’m not mad at you, you know,” Lee spoke. His gaze lowered, glancing down at Danny’s hand resting in his own. He continued, his voice low but loud enough for Danny to understand, “I just need some time to process this.”

Danny nodded, though he felt as if he was barely holding himself together. Lee looked back up, a look of determination on his face. He spoke once more, “Tell you what..”

“You can wait for me here. I’ll take a short walk.. then I’ll be right back,” Lee explained. He rested his hand on Danny’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze before asking, “How does that sound?”

All Danny could do was nod.

“I’ll be back,” Lee called out as he walked towards the door, reluctantly letting go of Danny’s shaking hand. He rested his own hand on the doorknob before turning back to look at Danny. He added, “stay right there, okay?”

…

The second Lee exited the cabin, his head began swarming - thoughts coming and going in every direction. He didn't even know where to begin in his quest to decipher them, so he simply walked.

Lee didn't have a destination, but he found himself walking until he hit a chain-link fence. Despite being assigned perimeter control every week and having walked nearly every square inch of the grounds, Lee had never seen this particular fence before. What surprised him even further was that it was secured with a rusty chain and a simple pad lock - as if it had been locked to keep something out (or to keep someone in).

He glanced around, looking for a familiar landmark or a signpost that signaled where he was. He found nothing of the sort. Instead, he simply saw lots of overgrown weeds, a few abandoned lookout points, and the fence - which seemed to stretch for several miles.

Strangely, he also noticed a small silhouette on his left, a good distance away. He squinted, trying to get a better look. Upon closer inspection, Lee realized it was just a bored looking Ken, who was too busy swatting away mosquitoes to notice Lee’s presence. He looked around once more and spotted a field of wildflowers beyond the fence.

Oma always tended to her garden when she had a lot on her mind, Lee thought, Maybe that will help me, too? He quickly scanned - checking if anyone was watching - and then acted.

He crouched down and carefully lifted the chain in his palms, inspecting the lock attached to it. It didn't seem like it had been opened in ages - Lee gathered that from the large amount of rust that had accumulated around the keyhole. He hadn't seen a key anywhere, so he began turning the lock in his hands - trying to solve the mystery of how to open it. To Lee’s surprise (and luck), as he turned the object, the end of the locking mechanism crumpled between his fingers, causing the lock to swing open. Apparently, it was more weathered than he had thought.

Lee stood up before taking a final glance over his shoulder. Once he was certain no one would notice his doings, he carefully pulled the chain loose before pushing the gate open. He walked through, cautiously, before closing the gate behind him.

Now that he was on the other side of the fence, Lee began wandering towards where he had spotted the flowers earlier. Along with his feet, he allowed his mind to wander just as freely.

So, he thought to himself, pursing his lips together, Danny says he is in love with me. One thing Lee couldn't quite figure out, however, was what that meant exactly: to have someone be in love with him.

He knew what love was, in theory. Or, at least he assumed it was possible to love someone (from watching old soap operas with his grandmother), but he had only ever experienced parental love from Oma. His parents, from what he can remember of the two of them together, had a rocky relationship- if you could call it a “relationship” at all - and his grandfather passed away long before he was born, so Lee didn’t really have a good example of what romantic love was, or what it was supposed to be like.

Oma had often told stories about her love - who would’ve been Lee’s Opa, grandfather, if he was still alive - and how he was her best friend. The two were as close as could be and thoroughly enjoyed each other’s company, bound together by a strong bond. Oma mentioned that, when she first laid eyes on Opa, there was electricity - something she later referred to as the “spark” - and she knew that the two had a special connection.

Oma always said things like that, Lee mused, suddenly nostalgic for the stories he heard far too often when he was younger. His grandmother had always believed in signs - “Guidance from the universe around her” as she always said. She always assured Lee that, if someone was the one, he would know - even before he actually knew. That always confused Lee - how was he supposed to know before actually knowing? It didn’t make any sense. Despite this, Lee loved Oma, so he took her advice - no matter how confusing - to heart.

Ever since he was young, Lee had never really experienced “crushes”. The children in Oma’s neighborhood talked about them, a few kids even stating they had a crush on Lee at the time, but he wasn't sure what they felt like, personally. He had liked people - enjoyed their company, considered them a friend, that sort of thing - but he had never experienced the “spark”, the connection, Oma talked about. No matter how hard Lee tried to find it, he never seemed to feel any different. Lee began to believe that the spark didn't exist, at least not for him. He reasoned that maybe, his mother was right, and he truly was unlovable.

So it puzzled Lee as to why Danny was in love with him. Lee wasn’t sure how anyone could love him, to be honest. From the moment his father left, Lee had begun to believe he was cursed - that all that came from being around him was a string of bad luck and misery. It seemed that everyone in his life had left or died, and somehow he was the cause. Not to mention the constant reminders that his mother spouted before she finally had enough; making sure he knew just how miserable her life had become because of his father and, by association, his existence.

He could only assume that misery was tenfold for Oma; after all, he had cost her not only her own son, but her daughter-in-law, too - causing her to become responsible for him and making her the one who had to raise him from a young age. It seemed that, to Lee, all he did was inconvenience those around him. On top of this, he was always late, something that he was sure had always annoyed Danny, considering how much Danny had scolded him for it. So Lee couldn't fathom why Danny - someone who had enough bad experiences in his life - would be in love with him, someone who seemed to ruin everything he touched.

Danny had always been a mystery to him - ever since the day Lee had walked through the doors of Cabin Five. On that day, Lee had felt compelled to talk to him - as if there was a mysterious force dragging him towards Danny, begging him the two to get closer. Whatever the reason, Lee felt that was the best decision he had ever made - after all, it had brought him not one, but two of his closest friends.

As his thoughts ran free, Lee crouched down and began picking up small wildflowers - absentmindedly referring to the flower language his grandmother had taught him when he was younger and choosing ones he felt were relatively positive. After all, he wanted Danny to know that he wasn't upset. In fact, he was quite glad Danny felt comfortable enough with him to open up about his feelings.

That was one thing he always admired about Danny: ever since the day they met, he was upfront with whatever he was feeling, even if it was annoyance or frustration. He admired a lot about Danny, he realized - Ken, too, but.. that admiration felt different, somehow. Until Ken joined them, Lee had considered Danny his only close friend; his best friend, actually. He supposed he still did. Even though he and Ken were close, their friendship took on a different cadence than his and Danny’s.

Lee abruptly stopped in his tracks.

Wait, he thought to himself. He retraced his previous train of thought. My friendship with Ken is …different… than my friendship with Danny.. Huh. He had never thought about it before.

He knew he shouldn't compare his friends, but Lee couldn't help himself from making a mental list of his feelings towards them. He enjoyed both of their company, obviously, and he liked joking with them. To Lee, nothing felt better than telling a joke or doing something silly to brighten the tense mood of their enlistment. Except, maybe, the response it got.

Usually, his antics resulted in a playful eye roll or headshake from Danny, but occasionally Lee would make him laugh so hard that Danny would lean against his shoulder as he tried to compose himself. Lee found that he especially liked that part - when Danny's usual stoic, unamused expression broke and a wide smile and loud laughter followed. It made him feel proud - like he had accomplished something. It also made him determined to see it again. Yet.. that same determination wasn't present when Ken laughed at his jokes.

Along with this, Lee found that his jokes seemed to cheer up those around him, which, he supposed, was another reason he continued to tell them. He liked cheering people up - whether it was kind words or reassurance, or even a hug, it didn’t matter; Lee liked helping people feel even the slightest bit lighter.

While Lee spent his time cheering up others, he didn’t really put that much thought into his own well being. When he was a child, he had often tried to make himself appear invisible- as if, if he made himself or his emotions disappear, he would make his parents’ lives easier. This continued after they had left, but Oma had always been able to see through it. Lee had never met anyone else who could, though. Not until he met Danny, that is. Danny always seemed to know when Lee was upset or what Lee was thinking, even before Lee, himself, knew it sometimes. He once asked Danny how he was able to do it, and all Danny had done was shrug and reply “I know you”.

That was true. In fact, Lee wasn't sure there was a person alive who knew him better than Danny. And, the longer Lee thought about it, the more he realized the reverse was true. Danny had often confided in Lee - telling him about his home life, his experiences, and he had even come out to him, which was something Lee could only assume meant Danny really trusted him.

Truthfully, he wouldn't even be Lee without Danny - after all, it was his friend who started the nickname. If he had never met Danny, that (and other things Lee has grown used to) would have never happened. Thinking more on it, Lee realized Danny had somehow become an integral part of his day-to-day life - Lee always looked forward to getting to spend time together.

He hadn't noticed it until Danny brought it up, but there always seemed to be a faint, unidentified feeling whenever he and Danny hung out (Lee had always assumed it was just platonic admiration from being around such a good friend). It didn't matter what they were doing, Lee just liked being in Danny’s presence.

Lee realized something else, too. He realized that he couldn't imagine how different his life would be without Danny in it. No, he didn't want to imagine his life without Danny in it.

Oh. He thought to himself, glancing down at his chest. There was a sudden tightness in his chest - strange and fluttery, but not unwelcomed.

Oma.. if this is what you meant, Lee thought once more, glancing up at the sky, his hand resting on his chest- trying to hold onto that feeling - Give me a sign.

That's when he saw it: a large, vibrant sunflower.

…

Danny paced around the cabin, his nerves rising once again. There was a deep anxiety gnawing at his stomach. He felt like he was going to be sick.

Eventually, he convinced himself to sit down, though it hardly helped. He was perched on the edge of his rickety bunk - jumping at any and every sudden noise (as if Lee would burst through the door any moment and he’d miss it if he relaxed for even one second).

Maybe something happened to him, Danny worried, glaring at the still closed door before his eyes darted to the clock hanging on the wall. He knew Lee had asked for time to think, but Danny hadn't anticipated that the “time to think” would be two hours. His thoughts continued to build up, his anxiety clouding his judgement. Something definitely happened to him, and it will be all my fault.

After all, he only went out there because of me, right? I have to go out there - to find him. The only problem was Danny didn't know exactly where “there” was. Lee hadn't mentioned where he was going, he only said he would be back soon. Then, an idea popped into his head. Ken was scheduled for perimeter control day, so he could ask him if he had seen Lee.

Danny had leaned over, rooting around in the small bedside table (that he had, reluctantly, put his things into), searching for something. Finally, his hand wrapped around the clunky radio. He carefully removed it from the drawer before flicking the switch. The device sprang to life - flashing and beeping, but waiting for further action. Danny hoped he had remembered how to do this. He flipped through the radio channels until it landed on the one Ken had been assigned.

“Uhh, Ken?” He started, pressing the button before speaking, “It's Danny. Can you hear me? Over.”

There was a brief amount of static as the small device searched for a signal. After a few seconds of silence, the screen lit up once more and the speaker announced:

“Hey, crrrk. What’s up, crrk? Over.”

Danny breathed a small sigh of relief. Even though the signal wasn't the greatest, and static seemed to break up every other word, Danny was grateful Ken had brought his radio. He wasn't sure what he would've done if he hadn't. He would have probably walked out there himself, against his better judgment, and manually searched every square inch until he found Lee.

“Hey.. have you seen Lee? Over.”

“Lee? crrk. No, I- crrk. But I, crrk- something crrsh- moving.”

“Uh, you're breaking up. Can you find a better signal? Over.”

A few seconds later, the signal came in much clearer - as if Ken had walked away from the woodsier part.

“I haven't seen Lee. Why? Over.”

Danny frowned. Where was Lee, then? Before he could ask, Ken spoke again, seemingly slightly panicked.

“Uh.. there’s someone here. Over.”

“What?” Danny exclaimed.

“Someone crrrrhk-” The signal had broken up once again. Danny’s heart sank. “West gate crrrk. I crrrkkk don’t- crrsh - recognize. Over.”

“Shit, shit, shit,” Danny muttered, he frantically looked around trying to figure out what to do. It was not lost on him that Lee was currently out there, alone, and Ken had reported seeing a mysterious person? That did nothing to ease Danny’s nerves. On top of this, Danny didn’t want anything to happen to Ken, either. What was he supposed to do? He debated marching out there to find Ken and Lee himself.

Walk outside of the base, in the middle of nowhere, with who-knows-what out there? He scoffed at the idea, Yeah, right.

You’ve seen horror movies.. He scolded himself, shaking his head at the thought. That’s how people get killed, Danny.

He realized Ken was still waiting on a response, and took a deep breath. He could figure it out later, but he had to make sure Ken stayed safe.

“Alright, Ken, whatever you do, don’t approach them. Just stay right there, okay?” Danny encouraged his friend. He chewed on his lip, running through a list of protocols in his mind and trying to think of something reasonable - and something that kept all of them out of danger - that could be done. Eventually, he spoke again, “I.. I’ll tell Willy. He’ll know what to do.”

He quickly flipped through the channels, giving out a test signal until he got a response. He had several false answers, and Danny almost gave up hope. He sighed, flipping to the last available channel and called out, his voice dejected, “Colonel Dodgens?”

“Eh?” A voice replied, startled. Willy jolted upright, fumbling and nearly dropping his own radio in surprise. He straightened himself up before gripping his radio and lifting it up to his mouth. He cleared his throat and replied, “This is he.”

“Willy!” Danny exclaimed, relief filling his voice. He quickly continued, “It's Danny. I think Ken might be in trouble.”

“Tell me everythin'," Willy instructed, his voice firm, “Right now.”

And so he did. Danny told Willy everything he knew - what Ken had said, where he was stationed, even that Lee was somewhere out there, too. Willy assured Danny he'd take care of it, and promptly went offline. Danny could only assume he had gone to find Ken, and he hoped that everything would be alright.

After a while, he received another communication across the radio - an “all-clear” from Willy. He had apprehended whoever it was and brought them in for questioning. Willy didn't say much else, but he made sure that Danny knew he and Ken were unharmed, but Ken was a bit shaken. That was good, Danny thought, but Lee was still nowhere to be found.

After the excitement had died down, Danny glanced at the clock - realizing it was now noon. He decided he had enough of sitting around and waiting. He had to find Lee. He had to find out if he was okay. However, just as Danny pushed himself off his bunk and prepared for whatever happened next, the cabin door swung open.

“Lee,” Danny said, a wave of relief washing over his face.

Lee glanced over, his eyes lighting up when he saw the brunet. He quickly closed the door behind him and beamed, though his expression seemed a bit sheepish.

“Sorry it took so long,” Lee replied, giving an awkward chuckle. His grip tightened around the objects in his hand, but he kept it hidden behind his back for now. He added, “I, uh.. Got a bit sidetracked because I saw something.. then, I.. I must've walked too far because I sorta.. um.. got lost.”

Danny walked closer to Lee, and his expression turned guilty. He chewed on his lower lip, glancing down at the floor. He sighed, then quickly blurted out, “I’m so, so sorry.”

“Huh?” Lee asked, raising an eyebrow. “What are you sorry for?”

“For.. you know,” He replied, motioning to the two of them before continuing, “making things awkward. I.. I understand if you don't want to be around me anymore-”

“Danny,” Lee interrupted, shaking his head in disbelief. He approached his friend and rested one hand on his shoulder - the other still behind Lee’s back. He added, “who said anything about not wanting to be around you?”

“I just.. I mean.. well, I assumed-” Danny stammered. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. He took a deep breath, though he couldn't make himself meet Lee’s eyes. He continued, “I assumed that, after hearing what.. what I told you, you'd be weirded out and then you'd, you know, stop being friends with me.”

“You're one of my best friends, man.” The taller boy started proudly, “That's never going to happen, okay?” Danny had been so worried to tell him, because he thought Lee would hate him for it? Lee felt his heart sink at the thought.

“I.. have to admit, I was a bit surprised,” Lee said. He gently squeezed Danny’s shoulder before adding, “But that was because it just caught me off guard, okay? I would never judge you for telling me something like that. I certainly wouldn't stop being your friend because of it.”

“I’m glad you told me. And.. I know it took a lot of courage to say something like that.”

“I can't really wrap my head around it - why you would be in love with me, that is,” Lee began, allowing the thoughts that had been brewing to flow freely. He continued, “Honestly, I can't believe anyone could be in love with me.”

“When I was younger, I began to believe I was cursed. I believed that.. That.. nothing good ever came from being around me. Bad luck seemed to follow me everywhere. But.. Instead of it affecting me, though, it always seemed to target those I was close to. It felt like, once someone was around me long enough, I would inflict bad luck on them, then, not long afterwards, they would leave. I was just a kid, you know, so everyone convinced me the ‘curse’ wasn’t real - that I was just making it up. It couldn’t possibly be real, right? But it became obvious to me that it was very, very real.”

“My father left the day I turned eight years old, my mother a month later,” Lee began - retelling parts of his childhood. He continued, “They left me with my Oma - my, uh, grandmother - and she practically raised me. She never mentioned it, but I knew it was taking a toll on her health. I knew it wouldn’t be long before the curse took her, too.”

“Then, a few days after my 18th birthday, Oma died,” He stated, his eyes shining with barely contained tears. His voice turned solemn as Lee spoke once more, “And.. I began to think that, if someone got close to me, they’d end up leaving - or dying.”

“After Oma died, I.. had absolutely nowhere to go - Oma was the only family I had - aside from my parents - but they didn’t want anything to do with me and.. besides, I didn’t even know if they were still alive. So, with no family to take me in, and nowhere else to go, I ended up here and.. then I met you.”

“All my life, I believed that.. I wasn't something worthy of being loved, you know? My.. uh.. My mom. She used to tell me that, until the day she left,” Lee explained, a sad look crossing his features briefly. Before anything sympathetic could be said, Lee shook his head and quickly interjected, “I don't really remember much, but.. I know I made her life harder.”

“On top of this, I never really.. knew what ‘love’ was supposed to feel like, so I was convinced that I'd never experience it. My Oma, she always talked about this ‘spark’ that she felt when she first saw my Opa - basically, she mentioned this connection she and Opa had, but it never seemed to exist for me..”

Lee paused, taking a shaky breath. He slowly moved his hand and brought the bouquet in front of him. He waited, allowing Danny to look up, before carefully placing it in Danny’s hand. He continued, “Until now.”

"I never understood why, but.. The second I walked through those doors and saw you.." He paused, glancing up from the bouquet to look at Danny. His expression softened once more. Lee searched for the words - trying his best to string his incoherent thoughts together. Eventually, he settled on them and said, "It felt strange, somehow. Like.. I was supposed to meet you, but.. also like I had known you my whole life — even though we just met, does that make sense?"

Danny’s eyes widened a bit, but he wrapped his fingers around the bouquet. He looked at Lee, trying to read his face (and hoping his own didn't show the small wave of hope that began bubbling in his chest). He asked, “So.. what are you saying?”

“I’m not really sure I understand it fully, but.. “ Lee started, clearing his throat. He continued, “I really like being around you, Danny. In a way that's.. different from my other friends.”

“I found these flowers while I was out thinking, you know..” Lee explained, motioning towards the bouquet in Danny’s hand. He pointed towards the sunflower before continuing, “I asked Oma for a sign that.. this was the spark she always talked about and.. then I found that."

"Do you know what sunflowers mean?” He prompted.

Danny shook his head. He glanced at Lee, then down at the sunflower. He asked, “What do they mean?”

“Happiness, loyalty, adoration,” Lee replied. He reached up and rested his hand on top of Danny’s. Danny smiled at him, his own soft expression crossing his features. Lee smiled back before adding, “Long last love.”

“Danny, I..” He paused briefly, his eyes shining with emotion. He continued, “I can't imagine my life without you. You have changed my life in ways I didn't know were possible. I mean, I wouldn't even be 'Lee' without you."

Lee spoke once more, “I still don't know what to think about all of it just yet - these feelings.. they're all so new, you know?” He paused, inching slightly closer to Danny. He continued, “but.. I do know that I think this..”

“What do you think?” Danny asked, raising his eyebrow.

“I think.. I think I want to kiss you,” Lee replied, breathlessly. He started to move his hand, though he hesitated. He gulped, nervous. Lee looked at Danny and added, “Would that be okay?”

Danny nodded. Lee moved his hand and carefully cupped Danny’s cheek. His hand was much larger than Danny had expected - warmer, too - and Danny found himself instinctively leaning into Lee’s palm. Lee’s touch was gentle and steady as he brushed his thumb against the stubble covering the edge of Danny’s cheek. He paused for a brief moment, silently asking for reassurance that it was still okay, before slowly curling his fingers around the edge of Danny's chin and tilting his head upwards.

Lee leaned in - closing the space between the two of them, ever so slowly - before softly pressing his lips against Danny’s own. His eyelids started to flutter closed. Lee allowed himself to fully take in the sensation. It felt as if small lightning bolts danced across Lee’s mouth, pure electricity; the spark. Lee had to admit, he was always skeptical that it existed, but.. feeling it right now, in this very moment, with Danny by his side, washed away any doubts Lee had. He knew right then that this feeling was what Oma had always talked about.

The two stayed like that for a few moments: huddled together, barely any space between them, Lee’s hand carefully holding Danny’s face, while Danny’s hand rested on the back of Lee’s neck - lips pressed against one another. It was quite nice. So nice that neither was particularly eager to be the one to pull away first. Eventually, though, they parted, yet the space between them did not return to how it was before. Amidst the swirl of new, confusing feelings, Lee found that he didn't mind the closeness - in fact, he quite liked it. A silence settled over the two of them, but it was more comfortable than awkward. They shared a soft look - one that Lee couldn't help but beam at. At the sight of Lee’s smile, Danny felt his heart skip a beat.

After a few moments, Danny finally broke the silence, “So.. what does this mean for us?” His voice was quite uncertain, though Lee was sure he heard the small hint of hope lacing his words.

“I don't know.." Lee started, a small frown forming on his lips. His own emotions were a mess - just like his thoughts - but Lee found that he didn't mind it, in fact, he welcomed the new, strange emotions. A small wave of determination crashed over him and Lee spoke again, “But.. I want to figure it out. Together.”

“Well, how about..” Danny started. He moved his hands, resting them on Lee’s collar. He felt better than he had earlier in the day, but still quite anxious.

The idea had been brewing in Danny’s mind for some time now, but he was finally ready to bring it up. Sure, he was scared - terrified, actually - of what the answer would be, but he was ready. He didn't want to be afraid of being himself. Not anymore. Not around Lee.

He took a deep breath and a new wave of boldness seemed to crash over him as he took in Lee’s words. Whenever he ran this scenario in his mind, he had never imagined it would happen - certainly not like this - but, now that it had, Danny realized he didn't want to have it play out any differently. He looked at Lee, his eyes shining with hope, and asked “Boyfriends?”

“Um..” Lee stammered. A deep flush covered his cheeks. He gave a small gasp, searching for the words to form his reply, “I’d love to be your.. uh.. your boyfriend.”

He hesitated for a moment, suddenly becoming the nervous one. He gulped, before adding, “Uh.. if.. if you'll have me.”

Danny nodded, his expression softening, “I’d like that.”

Lee beamed. He wrapped his arms around Danny, pulling him into a tight hug and nearly crushing the bouquet in Danny’s hand.

Danny laughed, though he wrapped his free arm around Lee’s waist. He allowed his head to rest against Lee’s shoulder. His heart felt full - of warmth, happiness, but there was still a small uneasiness stirring. He glanced down at his watch, frowning as the clock hands ticked once again. He sighed. Despite how happy he felt right now, he knew that the moment had to end eventually. Not only would the other cabinmates return soon, but Lee had yet to report to his own duties. Danny could only imagine the amount of trouble Lee would be in.

“I don't want to ruin the moment.. but..” Danny mumbled, looking up at Lee. He then pointed towards the clock and pursed his lips. He continued, a small scold present in his eyes, “You should probably head to your station. You're.. kinda late. I don't want you to be in any more trouble.”

“Hmm,” Lee thought about Danny’s words, glancing toward the clock. He looked back at his boyfriend - he couldn't believe he could say that, his boyfriend! - and smiled a bit. He pulled Danny closer before adding, “Maybe after another kiss.”

“Lee,” Danny scolded. He rolled his eyes, though he hummed slightly, as if he was debating Lee’s request.

“Fine, fine,” Lee grumbled, a dramatic pout forming on his lips.

Despite his protests, he was grateful for Danny’s reminder. He could only assume how angry his leader would be. Lee was usually late, but this was a new record for him. He (begrudgingly) released Danny from his tight grip, before walking towards the door.

Danny watched as Lee exited the cabin, the door closing behind him with a soft click. After Lee left, Danny flopped backwards onto his bunk with a giddy sigh. He felt like he was walking on clouds, yet a sudden wave of tiredness crashed over him - the adrenaline and anxieties of the day finally seemed to catch up with his system. He had felt such a range of emotions in such a short period of time - all of which had taken various tolls on him -, but none of the emotions compared to the geyser of happiness that threatened to burst out of his chest.

He couldn't believe how afraid he had been just hours earlier. He couldn't believe how everything had turned out, either. So, naturally, he decided he would write a letter to his sister and tell her about it. He opened the drawer before pulling out a small pad of paper and a pen.

Hey, Jo, he started out. He tapped his pen against the smooth surface of the desk, trying to gather his thoughts. Danny continued to write about his experiences, practically bouncing with excitement as he wrote the next lines:

You’re never going to believe this.

Do you remember that guy I talked about in my last letter?

Well.. I took Ken's advice and told the guy how I felt and..

He’s my boyfriend now!

I honestly can’t believe it, either.. It all seems so.. surreal.

I can't get into the details right now, but.. I hope you and everyone else can meet him soon.

I’ll see you as soon as I can.

Love, your extremely happy older brother

— D.

He quickly folded the letter - making sure to put it in an envelope before anyone had a chance to discover it - and placed it in the back of the drawer. He didn't want to risk trying to mail it now, so he would do it in the morning.

…

His positive mood continued into the next day. Danny had dropped off his letter at the mail room and walked into the medical tent, a wide smile spread across his lips.

“Good morning, Private Sawyer,” his supervisor called out, giving him a respectful nod as a greeting. Danny returned the nod and moved towards his desk.

“Did you have a nice afternoon?” The man asked. He noted Danny seemed much more at ease than he had the previous day and wondered if he had confronted whatever was bothering him.

“I did,” Danny answered - and, for once, he actually meant it.

…

PRESENT DAY.

Lee looked up at Danny once the two had finished telling their respective sides of the story.

“You know,” He started, scooting slightly closer to his husband. Lee rested his hand on Danny’s cheek - not unlike what he had done all those years ago. He continued, a small amount of teasing in his voice, “I think you still owe me a kiss from that day.”

“Do I, now?” Danny replied, his tone instantly matching Lee’s. He leaned closer, resting his own hands on the base of Lee’s neck and carefully tilting his head towards him. Lee nodded. Danny made a small tsk and stated, “Mm, we can’t have that, can we?”

He leaned down, pressing his lips against Lee’s own. The two smiled into the kiss - full of just as much love and giddy happiness as they had felt the first time they kissed. Danny laughed against Lee’s lips, parting briefly to ask, “Does that pay off my debt?”

“Hmm,” Lee hummed, pursing his lips together as he thought. “I might need another one, just to be sure.”

Danny rolled his eyes, shaking his head at Lee’s words- something Lee had grown used to (and fond of) since he'd known Danny. Despite this, Danny leaned down and connected their lips once again.

When the two parted once more, Danny let out a content sigh. He moved, resting his chin on top of Lee’s head - Lee, once again, resting his head against Danny’s chest as a response. The two went silent, simply taking in and enjoying each other's company.

He held Lee close and absentmindedly rubbed his hand in circles on his shoulder blades. Danny allowed his eyes to flutter shut, simply enjoying the moment; enjoying the comfortable silence, the closeness, enjoying Lee.

“I’m really happy you're in my life,” Lee said, his voice slightly muffled as he spoke against the fabric of Danny’s sweater.

“Me too,” Danny agreed, nodding. He placed a small kiss onto the top of Lee’s head and added, “I wouldn't have it any other way.”

Lee smiled at his words. A comfortable silence settled over them once more and Lee leaned further into his husband's grasp.

After a while, Lee spoke again - his voice soft and full of affection, “I love you.”

Chapter 11: Utgard Castle

This is definitely one of my favorites of the earlier chapters. I really wish I replicated more of this aspect of Eden’s character later on, but I kinda failed at that… you live and you learn. You can really see just how strong she is here. I just love how she did her damn hardest to protect everyone in the castle, which added on to her conflict. Even though she keeps convincing herself she doesn’t care, her actions keep showing otherwise, and this was a solid example of it.

Fav scene:

HEHEHEHE.

I love this scene sm man; it makes me giggle because this was their first interaction that felt more playful and cheeky (aside from the hose situation). I unintentionally made Eden such a tsundere lmao. I just think it’s so cute seeing her so angry and stubborn about Levi picking her up when she knew she was in no condition to walk lol.

Chapter 12: Comfort

Another one of my favorites, ahh.

The only thing I kinda hate about this chapter is Eden’s backstory… I have a lot of issues with how I went about her backstory, but idk if I should air all of that out in this section? Maybe when I get to her backstory chapter… but anyway, I just don’t like the way I wrote it here. I will be honest, I have no idea where I was going with the whole ‘Eden is afraid to kill thing’ and I found that making her this way really hindered her development sometimes. I think I was trying to convey that nearly killing her father petrified her because she could see just how vicious she can be, and she did not want to be seen as a ‘monster’ since that was how everyone saw her after what happened. And she was also punished harshly for it (I really brushed past the fact I said she was nearly executed 😭😭).

Regardless, the reason I kinda hate myself for making this plot choice is because it really showed her weak side sometimes, and while there isn’t anything wrong with having weak moments like Eden had, I definitely dragged it out too much sometimes. I did not give her enough bad ass moments yall, but that’ll be a separate discussion I’ll have later on.

Anyway, here are my favvvvv scenes:

Love, love, love the internal conflict. That is one thing I do feel like I nailed in this story - the immense amount of guilt and conflict Eden felt. I just feel like someone in her situation wouldn’t be able to immediately switch sides; it’s just not realistic. I mean… look at Gabi. Although I wouldn’t say Eden is as hardheaded and devoted as her, Gabi is a perfect example of a child of war brainwashed by propaganda. Seeing characters like this is so annoying to the audience because it is INSANELY difficult to break out of that mindset. Tbh, I’d say more of Eden’s conflict stems from ‘I need to do this for my sister, but doing so would conflict with my morals because these aren’t bad people.’ She was definitely not a hardcore Marleyan nationalist like Gabi was, and I kinda didn’t wanna write her that way because 😭😭 idk, I definitely could have because it would make sense since Eden was also a victim of their propaganda, but I just really didn’t wanna write an overtly bigoted character like that. I feel like it could have been done with different intentions in mind (aka, protecting her sister) so that’s what I did.

Aside from that, I love how I displayed their physical touch here. It just suits them both sooo well, because neither of them are affectionate people, so it didn’t make sense for either of them to go in for a hug. Eden dropping her head on his shoulder just seemed so accurate for her. Subtle, yet so meaningful.

Chapter 13: Decisions

Not much to comment on here tbh. We see Eden reminiscing on her time with Petra, and then bonding with Hange. I wish I developed her friendship with Hange more; that would have been interesting to see.

Chapter 14: Tea and Berries

Again, not much to comment. Eden and Levi are finally starting to get along, and Eden is bonding with the cadets a bit more. We can see her conflict extend to them now too.

Fav scene:

I just imagine Levi being really awkward about opening up to people, so this is why I included this scene. His social ineptness is what adds to his charm, imo. That’s all I gotta say lmao.

Chapter 15: Temptations

The first kiss ahh…

Honestly, I really liked how I played this out. Some part of me really wished I made their first kiss innocent and sweet instead of full of lust, but truthfully, I think it made sense for their characters (mostly Eden). Neither of them have known soft their entire lives, and Eden already had experience with sex and such already. I never expanded on her sex life because I just didn’t feel like it was necessary, but I think it only made sense that she was experienced since she clearly knew how to seduce someone... Also, neither of them have experienced true love, and Eden only knew romantic ‘love’ through sex, so yeah. Eden was the one who took over here, too, so we also got a lick of sub Levi ;).

Aside from that, their bonding experiences were really sweet to write, and maybe I could have made those moments longer. The sunset thing was very cliche with her admiring it and him staring, but who doesn’t love a good ol’ cliche every now and then? And we see him start to open up to her; it’s really adorable. Tbh, I feel like I could have dragged out the ‘enemies’ part with them too, but at that point I had already written 90k words so I thought… maybe it’s time for a smooch.

Only thing I hate about this chapter is the sparring stuff, because I know absolutely nothing about sparring… I love the idea of it, but I feel like I can never get it to make sense and it shows :/. Google and YouTube could only help me with so much lmao.

I love this part:

It shows how much Eden respects Levi’s opinion now, and also how vulnerable she really was. Her head was at a constant tug of war at that point, and she wanted advice from the one person she was really starting to grow comfortable with.

Chapter 16: Bad Dream

This chapter is pretty filler-ish because I needed to get through this specific point in the story where they explain why they have to hide in the cabin. We also get one of Eden’s first nightmares.

The one significant thing I will mention, however, is Levi and Eden’s conversation in the kitchen. This conversation was so, so important for me to include because I brought it up again later on when Eden was talking to Zeke in Marley; it shows how much her mindset has truly changed after spending time in Paradis. While she never explicitly agreed with Eldians being converted into titans, she was mostly complacent with it at this time - she just accepted that that was the current reality because she was conditioned to believe that way. Levi quickly refutes her statement by basically saying ‘uh, it’s still pretty fucked up though??? You’re just gonna accept that?’ He obviously didn’t say it that way, but you get the gist - she was complacent and didn’t fight back knowing it was unjust because Marley just convinced her that she needed to accept that and Levi didn’t wanna be complacent to that fact and would have wanted to put a stop to it if he could. When she reflects on that later on with Zeke, she doesn’t wanna be complacent at that point - she wants to fight back for justice. This was a scene I always had in mind so I can address it later on when she finally gets to a point where she doesn’t wanna sit back and do nothing.

Chapter 17: Stubborn

Ah, the first smut chapter. Before I get into that though, I wanna talk about what happens prior to that. Eden’s bonding moment with the cadets is something I truly loved and wish I expanded on. She cares about them more than she lots on, and that little moment with Armin felt important for me to add. Eden doesn’t really come off as sweet and charismatic, so hearing Armin say all of those kind things flustered her, and she felt undeserving of it. I included it so 1. It adds to her internal conflict, and 2. It shows the readers that other characters don’t always see her as the snarky and brash person she comes off as. She has very clear flaws, but she also has her own positive qualities that get constantly overshadowed. Her courage, her strength, and her open-mindedness.

Okay, so, I absolutely love this conversation lmfaooo:

People can hate Eden for being rude, blunt, and impulsive, but I absolutely love this part. Granted, she obviously submits right after this 😶… but she was not afraid to stir the pot and I love how cocky I made her here. Like, yes, she knew he wanted her but he didn’t want to admit it so she called him out!!!

Do I think this smut scene is realistic??? Well… no, but I also don’t care. Dom Levi got away from me here 😭😭 like he was genuinely not supposed to be as dominating as he was, but I couldn’t help it. Ik that man is supposed to be less experienced and this scene did not help with that but oh well 😭😭 sue me. We all know Eden was being pathetic but I would have done the same thing I’m sorry 😔. I thought it was hot and I’m gonna stand by it lmfaooooo.

Chapter 18: Blood

I have mixed feelings about this chapter…

On one hand, I really liked how I portrayed Levi’s soft side here. The thumb rubbing thing is my favorite thing 🥲. On the other hand, the whole ‘Eden is afraid to kill’ thing comes up again here anddd I hate it. I added more inner monologue to this chapter and the next chapter about it. This whole aspect of her character needed to be expanded upon, because without providing more depth, it just makes her look weak.

I feel like it makes sense for her to not have killed anyone before, considering she would have probably been punished harshly for it (like what happened with her father). I just don’t think it makes sense for an Eldian to kill someone in Marley and get away with it??? And that is where her fear stems from, because they abused her and called her a monster for what she did to her father, so now she has that trauma attached to her. When it finally sunk in that she killed someone for the first time, all the trauma flooded to the front of her brain and she felt like she was going to be punished as harshly as before. That was why she had that breakdown in front of Levi and why she felt like she did something wrong.

I never really talked about the specifics of why she reacted so strongly to this situation, so I decided to add more of that in. Without it, I just feel like it makes this fear of killing more confusing. Although she did watch Reiner and the others break down the walls and kill people, this was the first time she did it with her own cold hands. It was for good reason, but still. I think her doing it herself just makes it different.

I also addressed one other thing (in the following chapter): the reason the General chose her to kill Levi despite not having experience killing is because he was aware of her violent tendencies and knew she was capable of doing it.

Do I still enjoy this plot choice? No - I’d remove it completely if I were to rewrite this story - but I wrote it in and it was a big part of her character earlier in the story, so expanding on it was the best thing I could do to mend it. Still not happy about it, but with the added depth, I feel a little better.

Aside from that, I found the action scene a little better written here compared to my previous chapters. Still not absolutely amazing, obviously lmao (how many times is someone gonna hook their foot behind someone else’s 😭😭😭 why is that the only move I make them do lmfaooo), but we all start somewhere.

Chapter 19: Chamomile Tea

This one is angsty and cute and the same time. I honestly love the way I made Eden reflect on her feelings here. She acknowledges how much of a comfort Levi has become to her while also being completely in denial of her feelings because of how wrong she knows it is. I especially love the little detail of her pointing out how Levi - the 'clean freak' - hugged her knowing she was completely drenched in blood. It's such a small detail, but it further adds to her conflict knowing he pushed past what bothers him most to comfort her.

And Levi’s shyness around her… gah. I just know Levi would be shy around his crushes - lack of eye contact and everything. This was honestly one of their most innocent interactions and I love the sweetness of it.

Then we get to this part:

Ohhh, the angst. The realization that she’s about to rip this man’s soul apart. This is where it really, really hits her that she cares about him more than she lets on. She has this realization to herself that she doesn’t want to lose him either, and it makes her so unbelievably angry.

And the “Some people can’t be saved” line was just perfect to use here, since she says it again in the Shiganshina chapter. She knows that he will lose her and that he wouldn’t be able to save her from the fate she was given. She wanted to make that clear to him.

Chapter 20: Gratitude

Lol, I have mixed feelings about this chapter too 😭. I swear I am not trying to be a hater to myself right now but I'm gonna be very honest... it just feels a little rushed for me? It's chapters like these that remind me I probably should have gone a little slower, idk. For some reason, I just can't envision Levi being as deeply infatuated as he is at this point. Like, getting there, yes, but not completely whipped as I made him out to be. I like how I wrote his reaction to what happened to Eden and how it made him realize how deeply it affected him, but then I wrote a whole thing about him admitting his feelings for her to himself, and it feels a little OOC to me 😭. I think canonically, Levi would not be able to admit feelings for someone else so easily to himself - he'd probably acknowledge his attraction, but keep deflecting the idea of falling in love. It's a minor thing and not a big deal, but it was just a little issue that bugged me.

I definitely just wanted to write a smut scene in here, and it's not my favorite... but that's okay. I just felt like Levi needed his moment receiving too and this was how it turned out lmaoooo. I do like how I wrote Eden here though... she's much more charismatic and playful. I think it went to show how comfortable she was getting with him, which we started to see snippets of in the previous two chapters. And we also get a little bit of sub Levi here lmao. I love having Eden's dominant nature pop out too, and I honestly love how confident I made her with her sexual nature, cause it is not an easy thing to be confident about right away 😭.

Summary:

Overall, I liked this section. It’s probably the section I have the least issues with because this is where Eden’s development really takes off; this set of chapters is probably where I feel proudest of her development. We see her strength, her resilience, and how much she really cares about others even though she has a tough facade. We see some of the changes in her personality in a positive way. We see her really start to think about how wrong the fate of Paradis is. We also see her start to fall for Levi and vice versa, and how that starts to affect her emotionally. She starts leaning on him for emotional comfort, which she knows is selfish, but continues to do so (until she ultimately pulls away in the next set of chapters).

My writing here seems slightly more descriptive, but I have a lot of sentences that were structured awkwardly 😭. I fixed some of them, but left others. I think this was when I was really trying to improve my prose, but it just came out really awkward in some sections. I like to think it’s improved now…

"I found you."

"You found me."

Akaashi felt himself abruptly jerk awake. A strange sensation surrounding his entire being. It was odd but familiar. Ever since his childhood, he often experienced nights like these — waking up drenched in cold sweat and a wildly beating heart.

He heaved a heavy sigh, taking deep breaths to regain his calm. There was a dull ache in his chest whenever he woke up like this. He couldn't quite explain where it came from or when it started but it was familiar. Odd but familiar. Dauntingly familiar.

He closed his eyes, his shoulders sagging down with his ragged breathing. His right hand just right above his chest, clutching the shirt that covered the skin he would have stabbed right away if it meant being able to ease the inner itch inside. Oh but of course he wouldn't have done that either way. It was simply irrational. Akaashi Keiji was a rational person.

Well, at least he thought so.

Having had enough, he covered his face with his hands, back lumping from his actions while he sat just as he usually does in these "black nights." He isn't one for labeling things so childishly, but it just felt right. Terror nights were associated with no dreams but just darkness. It was a befitting name.

It took him a few more minutes or it could have been an hour, at this point, Akaashi did not know. Though that would've been true if he hadn't stared at the only lit object in his dim room. A rectangle clock with bright white and a big font, displaying the time. 2:37 it said. 

He blinked owlishly, sighing underneath his breath. Was it the sixth time this month? He wondered quietly. 

Cring! Cring!

As time passed, he felt himself regaining a bit of clarity in the situation. Akaashi laid down and stretched his stiff limbs, pulling up a knit blue blanket. He stared at the ceiling in a bout of silence until sleep took him again.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

Blue eyes laced with drowsiness opened upon the urgent sound of the alarm clock. Akaashi steadied his breathing before tapping the clock off with his outstretched hand. Exhaustion from the events before were evident in his features but he tried his best to erase it from his face. 

He sat on his bed, stayed still for a minute longer before deciding to stand up. He wore his soft indoor slippers, and went straight to the toilet for his morning preparation. There wasn't much to do today. There wasn't exactly anything to do at all now that he's in his senior year in middle school and the school year itself was ending. 

He stared at his reflection in the mirror while brushing his teeth. He could see bags underneath his eyes from the lack of sleep he's been constantly facing. Sleep just didn't come as easily as it used to. Akaashi thinks it's been a problem. A problem he didn't want to find out about.

Despite the recurring sleep incidents and his self diagnosis of insomnia, Akaashi couldn't bring himself to visit the hospital, much less tell his parents. There was something about the place that made him unsettled. Maybe it was too dreary, and wouldn't be any good for an already dreary person like he is.

Or it could also be that he felt scared. Akaashi wasn't one without fears, yet one of the things he was afraid of was realizing a problem was bigger than what he thought it was. If he were to get himself checked and they find out there was something horribly wrong with him, just what would he do? 

Akaashi chugged down a glass of water before bowing his head and leaving. He set off to go to school, arriving at the familiar building with the banner "Mori Junior High School." His steps slowed down as he took in the sight of what served to be his home of three years. Sooner or later he'd have to leave, graduation was fast approaching. 

The dilemma drove Akaashi nuts, so he decided to just leave it all to fate. Well, as irrational as it is, he can't really do anything to change what would come, right? That's why Akaashi prides himself as a rational person.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

He stared quietly in front, lost in his thoughts until a hand tapped his shoulder.

"Akaashi-senpai?"

Akaashi blinked, looking behind him to spot one of his underclassmen — a freshman from the volleyball club. 

"Good morning. Is there something you need?"

"Oh, good morning! I was just going to ask which school you'll attend after graduation if you don't mind."

"Ah..." Akaashi mumbled in thought, thinking of the recommendations he received from Suzumeoka and Fukurōdani Academy. 

"I received two recommendations but I'm not sure which to pick yet." He replied while glancing at his kouhai. 

"Well, that's a shame. You were a really good asset to our team, senpai. Will you continue playing volleyball during high school?" 

"I..." He trailed off.

Akaashi observed the eager passion the younger one possessed which had him question himself as well.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

"I haven't really thought that far ahead yet... I think I will though." Akaashi breathed an airy sigh, his response earning the other's beaming eyes and a chuckle. 

"I recommend you check their teams first then, senpai. Well, I'm sure you have other things to do now so I'll be on my way. Thank you for talking to me." With a huge smile, the freshman left just as quickly as he came. 

"Well, that's one thing to do... I might check it out after dismissal actually..." Akaashi mumbled to himself, while now walking inside the corridors and to his classroom.

He was greeted by groups of people, chattering away yet divided by their circle of friends. Akaashi quietly closed the door behind him, shrinking his presence away. He never did like socializing, even if they were the same people he has known for years. It was always the same "you ask, I answer" for Akaashi. Just good term acquaintances but never friendship. 

Ding!

He found himself walking to his assigned seat, the chairs beside him were left empty as the owners were also chatting with their own friends. At times like these, in a bubbling noisy classroom, it's when Akaashi feels a little bit more at peace. He's not lonely, he convinces himself. It's just an extra moment of the quiet peace he has always wanted.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

Akaashi could hear the loud school bell. It signaled the end of their classes. For some reason, dismissal felt like it took forever to take. Or maybe it was just his nerves being all over the place after he decided to check out the high school matches. Maybe, just maybe, he'll find out what to do after. And maybe, just maybe, he'll find out which school to pick.

He hurriedly replaced his school shoes with his outdoor one, determined to run if needed. He neatly tucked it in his locker, securing his belongings in the process. There wasn't much you could do against Tokyo's bustling streets. It's when the crowd starts forming and there's no seats left on the trains. Akaashi felt that rush hours were just the worst.

Thankfully though, having been a senior, they were dismissed way earlier these days. Teachers recommend they use the time accordingly to scout the schools they were considering to attend. That's what Akaashi exactly planned to do.

He wasn't quite sure why there was this rush of adrenaline in his system, though. He felt literal sparks, a chilling sensation down to his bone. He could attune it to the fact that what he was attending wasn't a school open day, rather it was the Inter High School matches. Akaashi felt that volleyball was a hobby engraved somewhere in his body. What used to be a past time became what would be one of the few things that shook his soul. Maybe that's why he took the loss of their team during the quarterfinals quite badly. His face didn't show but he was a bit disappointed at his teammates.

They were a team, he thought. They were a team and yet they just weren't as passionate as he would have liked them to be. They weren't as passionate as him. And for someone like Akaashi, that speaks volumes. He wasn't one known for trying his all in everything he does, but for volleyball, maybe, just maybe, he could. 

With all those thoughts in mind, Akaashi found himself face to face with the ever prestigious Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium. Athletes were all around the place, some drenched in sweat, some seemed normal but the others were panicking. Noticing this, Akaashi's nose scrunched up. It was smelly. 

He mentally prepared himself for what he was going to face inside. The horrors of a lost dream seeping into mind. Akaashi felt perturbed. He sprinted down the hallway, making his way at a record pace towards the audience section.

While heavily panting, he stopped just right in front of the first row. Akaashi was trying to catch his breath when he heard a loud bang. His eyes widened. His blue pupils dilated at the sight in front of him. 

Time completely stopped for Akaashi. There was one thing reflected in his blue eyes — spiky grayish white hair with black streaks flying across the court. A boy just around his age with a solid muscular build visible underneath the gray volleyball uniform of Fukurōdani. Somehow, some way, a tear slid down Akaashi's eyes. He doesn't exactly know why. He thinks maybe it was because of the athlete's overpowering presence, or he just felt shaken by his play, but he knows there was something more to it than what he'd let on. There was something in him relieved at the sight. At the stranger who was healthy, whole and alive. Oh god, he thought. And alive.

"Hey, isn't that the first year, Bokuto Koutarou? How come he's already in the starting lineup, much more making such powerful smashes?" 

He heard the whispers from the audience. Normally he would have ignored them if he knew more about the player's background, but there was something else that took his attention.

"Bokuto... Koutarou..." Akaashi mumbled the ace's name. He felt like there was something refreshing with the way he said it. It was like a spring breeze in the midst of winter. Cool but not chilly. Warm but just right.

Akaashi's hands trembled. His mind kept replaying the scene of Bokuto's spike. There was a sudden wave of deja vu hitting him as he watched him play. Where did it come from? He doesn't know. All that's left of his trembling hands is a setting motion.

Time quickly passed by after Akaashi spectated the matches. He felt itchy to the brim and would find himself unexpectedly holding a volleyball whenever he could. He would either throw it up and catch it or set it to the wall. There was a certain passion that reignited in his weary heart after watching Bokuto play. Akaashi was very certain he'd set for him someday.

"I want to set for him..."

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

As of now though, Akaashi was making his way to the faculty, while holding the documents for his career plans. He stared at the section which stated the first school choice, as well as his handwriting which wrote Fukurōdani right beside it. He sighed as he waited for his turn at consultation, knowing full well that it was a waste of time since he couldn't be convinced to switch schools, anyway.

For the first time in a long time, Akaashi Keiji felt conviction. He was determined to stick with his decision no matter what. There would be a lifetime of regret coming for him, otherwise. As irrational as it seemed, he didn't want that. 

He had his focus. He had his goals. Akaashi wishes he'll be at the same side of the court. With this thought in mind, his lips twitched into a small smile. 

"Akaashi it's your turn now!" 

Akaashi's nose scrunched up from the smoke filling his nostrils. It left a bitter taste in his mouth to be alone while dashing through the cold and rainy streets of Tokyo. He paused, stopping at the pedestrian lane. The traffic light was still green. His mouth curved into a frown, patience running thin. 

Quickly as it came, his smile faded away as he left his reverie. His lips thinned into a straight line as he nodded a thank you to his classmate and left for the faculty.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

A few moments passed and a sigh escaped his lips. Finally, facing a stop light, Akaashi took hurried steps away from the streets and nearer the train station. He huffed, panting from the stress and exhaustion building up in his body. He bent down and pressed his knees, focusing his remaining energy on standing. 

"Hey, hey, hey! Better get going before we miss the train!" 

Akaashi's eyes snapped wide after hearing such an obnoxious voice. His neck bobbed in their direction, a light smile painting his lips. He steadied his posture, acting as if he wasn't exhausted in the first place. It would be bad to leave an impression over that person.

"You airhead! If it wasn't for you taking so long, we wouldn't be almost late anyway!" 

His eyes traveled next to the person talking. A guy with what seemed like bed hair was clutching his stomach, trying to stop himself from laughing. Akaashi recognized him as Tetsuro Kuuro, a player from Nekoma. Internally, Akaashi found it amusing how a cat and owl could get along so well, yet he didn't dwell too much on it, assuming it was simply because of their charisma...or lack thereof.

Just as he started to relax, the train opened, waiting for the passengers to enter. Akaashi's smile faded, realizing it was creepy to enjoy chance encounters, much more, awaiting it.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

Today happens to be one of those Open Days in school programs, where events are held and the establishment is open to the general public for them to have a feel and understanding for what happens inside it. It is also purely coincidence that Akaashi is standing right outside the gates of Fukurōdani and a lot of its students are ushering him inside to partake in the aforementioned activity. He definitely didn't search this information up, nor was he excited to see what goes on inside classroom walls. It's for preparation, he convinces himself.

He also wasn't eagerly approaching the gym, as if he memorized the school layout that was uploaded online. Nor did he know exactly where he'll find the members of the volleyball club. It's certainly just his feet guiding him to where he wanted to be.

Hastily but cautiously, he approached the gym, surveying the surrounding environment in the process. He inched towards the court, hearing the familiar squeaking of the pavement and panting of the players. It really stinks. 

Akaashi could only stare in one direction, one where the owl haired stood, a towel on his shoulder, while gulping his water in one go. It felt nice.

Well, the only problem is, Akaashi walked through the open entrance, right where all the other players were. He hasn't realized it yet but all the attention is on him now. 

Well, now he will.

"Excuse me? Are you an incoming freshman?" A girl, who he assumed to be the manager, asked, while holding a flyer.

Akaashi blinked. Oh. It wasn't until a moment passed that he realized what he had done, but he isn't exactly one who'd cower from embarrassment, instead he'll act like it's on purpose.

"Yes." He curtly nodded, looking at the older woman. 

"Oh! Is that so? I'm Shirofuku, Yukie. The first year manager here at Fukurōdani. May I ask which middle school are you from? Are you interested in volleyball?"

"I'm Akaashi, Keiji. A graduating student of Mori Junior High School. I'm a set—"

"HEY, HEY, HEY! SET FOR ME!" 

Akaashi froze in his tracks, finally earning a response actually sent to him. It wasn't just him listening in on conversations, nor was it him accidentally passing by him or him doing literally anything else that would have led him to hear the older boy's voice. No, it was now that voice being directed straight to him, deliberately, intentionally. 

“Okay…” he quietly mumbled, nodding his head at the motion. Although others might find it subtle and hard to detect, it failed to escape the otherwise-would-have-been-oblivious- dumbass when it was not regarding volleyball. 

“I REALLY AM THE PROTAGONIST OF THIS WORLD! I GOT MYSELF A SETTER RIGHT AWAY!” 

Unexpectedly, or well, expectedly, the older male immediately tried to drag him off by his arm, only to be stopped by the reddish brunette. 

“Hey wait, Koutarou! Don’t scare him off right away!”

Ah, Akaashi felt a bit disappointed. 

“She’s right, you owl head. What if you end up scaring the prospective player from joining? You would end up without a setter, then.” A girl presumably older than the two, wearing a high ponytail and the official manager uniform, spoke from behind. 

Oh trust me, Akaashi wouldn't mind, but ah well, it’s too late now.

Suddenly, the hyperactive dolt deflated, similar to how a balloon would when poked by a sharp object. It didn’t go unnoticed but rather ignored, subjected to consolation at a later time.

“Don’t mind our simpleton ace, I’m Suzumeda, Kaori — the second year manager here at Fukurōdani.” 

Akaashi briefly sighed internally, before showing a curt nod at the managers, actually, at the rest of the team who came to watch the commotion, as they apparently, attracted the attention of the others due to their chaos.

“If you don’t mind, would you like to sign up in our expected recruitment form? We’re trying to have a hold on the number of possible players before the next school year starts and we’d like to have your participation in it. If I also recall correctly, you received a recommendation for our volleyball team, right?”

A somewhat comical ear enlargement occurred when Bokuto heard the word recommendation, the deflated owl was back and bouncing again, excited at the revelation.

“Wait, wait! So, you’d have to be a good setter, right? Set for me!”

A small smile flashed by Akaashi’s lips, he had wanted to do that from the very start.

“Yeah.”

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

Graduation soon came, later than Akaashi expected, faster for some, and just right on track for others. However, as the ceremony started, he himself did not take it seriously, maybe with a bit of appreciation, but still quite reluctant to attend nonetheless. It was taking up some of his now precious time. Time that he could have used for preparation. Time for volleyball practice. 

After the Open Days visit, Akaashi did end up signing the recruitment form, as well as meeting the coach of Fukurōdani’s boys’ volleyball team, Yamiji Takeyuki, who greeted him enthusiastically upon recognizing him. He was apparently one of the people who scouted him and sent the recommendation letter for his scholarship. Afterwards, Akaashi also listed the necessary requirements to pass for enrolment. 

Upon receiving assurance he’d attend the aforementioned school, the coach decided to invite him for their tryouts and unofficial spring break training to which he accepted. Occasionally, he’d also attend training and practice matches and be assigned to Bokuto. 

While lost in his thoughts, the event progressed and flowed smoothly, albeit very slowly. He had spent most of his time trying out more techniques and trying to improve his setting, especially after an incident he can recall fondly. It was the first time he set to Bokuto, to which the ace hailed as the best he’s ever been given. 

His reverie was cut short upon hearing his name called on stage to receive his diploma. He stood up, walking in front with a thin line on his face, while approaching the platform. He took his certificate in one hand, shook the hands of the teachers with the other, then thanked them for their congratulations. 

“Hey, hey, hey! Smile, Akaashi!”

As he faced the crowd for his picture taking, a smile erupted on Akaashi’s face. Despite attending the occasion alone, it turned out that someone did go for him. His sight focused on Bokuto alone, the others in the audience were already blurred out by his vision. He nodded at him, bowed and left the stage.

Instead of returning to his seat, Akaashi made his way to where Bokuto stood among the sea of people earlier. A small smile adorned his lips as he remembered their formal introductions during the school encounter.

After being ruthlessly rejected by the managers to get Akaashi into joining his spiking practices, Bokuto’s horned hair was down. The owl seemed to retain the quiet disposition for a moment or two, before deciding it was time for introductions. 

“Hey, hey, hey! I’m Bokuto, Koutarou! The best ace in Japan!” With a beaming smile, he tooted his own horn, looking ready to drag Akaashi at any given moment.

“I’m Akaashi, Keiji.” 

Despite having so much to stay, so much to think about everyday, all Akaashi could muster in this moment was to give him his name. Not to leave him guessing and to settle with a nickname… 

“Akaashi as in apathy?” 

“Huh?” 

“Huh?”

Akaashi let out a bewildered gulp, eyes sternly scanning him. For what reason? He does not know. 

As he remembered the continuation, Akaashi froze in his tracks… only to be held by Bokuto.

“Akaashi! Hey, hey, what’s wrong with you? Oh, I got you this volleyball as my congratulatory gift!” He tilted his head to one side, expecting praise to flow from Akaashi’s mouth.

“Bokuto-san… I’m fine. Thank you for the gift and for attending. You didn’t have to.”

 “Consider it a thank you for helping me with practice! I’ll also have you do some more!” 

Akaashi looked at the ball being placed in his hands, then back to Bokuto’s face. His yellow eyes were gleaming.

“So, so, did you like it?”

“Yes, I do, Bokuto-san. Thank you.”

He looked away quietly, not noticing the second button of his uniform falling off.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

It has been months ever since graduation. Akaashi has fully enrolled in Fukurōdani and has since been playing as their official setter. During those times, he has developed a habit of following Bokuto everywhere he goes, for various reasons. It has also become his official personal duty to cheer him up during his moody outbursts caused by the 37 weaknesses he possesses, and counting. Well, it was also up to him to carry that forbidden knowledge like it was some precious information, a treasure of some sort. It was simply irrational for rational Akaashi.

Not that he could complain. Not that he minds staring at Bokuto as he lets out a powerful spike, just barely missing Hinata’s head. Time passed by a little too fast for Akaashi’s liking, it was already summer camp. A lot of new people, new faces, new techniques, new ideas, all the new stuff, but there was the same ole simple Bokuto.

A constant in an ever-changing life.

“Bokuto-san.” he let out.

Bokuto-san…” he said again.

“Bokuto-san, we're going to miss out on dinner.” 

“AHHHH!” and down he goes.

“Tsk tsk. You know, Akaashi, he only ever listens to you.” 

Black rooster head filled Akaashi’s vision, yet his eyes only traced the figure of a running owl right behind him.

“That's good to know. He needs someone to remind him of things since he can get a bit carried away.” Akaashi shrugged, a bit pleased inside, but maintained his calm expression.

“I've known the airhead since childhood.” 

Akaashi’s head now fully directed in Kuroo’s direction, listening as attentively as he could, knowing full well the conversation will be about Bokuto.

“Everyone says he's a simpleton, it's true. He only focuses on what he likes and what he wants. But I like that about him.” Kuroo's signature smug smile envelopes his face, yet he directs his gaze elsewhere, a somewhat faraway look in his eyes.

“It's nice to know there's someone for him now. I always did think the galaxy was endless. Enough so that there would be someone looking after him like I do for Kenma.” 

Akaashi furrowed his eyebrows. He wasn't quite sure what Kuroo wanted to say. It's not like he would babysit the other, he simply wanted to look after him…while he could, while he still can. While there's still something to look after. When it's gone, it's gone.

“Well, respectfully, pain-in-the-ass Kuroo-san… I do think it is my responsibility to look after him now.” 

“Oh? I think it's different than that.” a snide smirk itches itself on Kuroo’s face, leaving yet another question for Akaashi to ask.

“What—”

“Akaashi! I saved you some, get away before Kuroo steals from us!”

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

“ORA IT'S THE LAST DAY TOMORROW, ANYONE WANNA WATCH SOMETHING TOGETHER?” 

“Tora…” 

That was what was last heard of Yamamoto before Yaku took him away. 

Kuroo held his stomach in animated laughter, letting out a sound comparable to a dying hyena. His body quivered all over the place, face reddening as if he was choking and finding it hard to breathe. Well, he probably did feel that anyway.

Not until Kenma slapped his back, looking in disdain at his companion. 

“Kuro, I'm going off early, I need to finish this level.”

“Oh no you don't! You're gonna watch with us, bring it out Chibi-chan!” Quickly, Kuroo’s arm stretched on Kenma’s shoulders, successfully dragging him back.

“What is it anyway?”

“Oh, Kenma! It's called Cloud Atlas, I picked it out ‘cuz it seemed interesting. I haven't watched it yet though.”

Poor Kuroo. Now that it was Hinata talking, Kenma actually felt like conversing. We're having fried chicken tomorrow, with extra vinegar.

“Cloud Atlas!? That sounds cool!” Out of nowhere, Nishinoya jumped in and started chanting with Hinata and Tanaka. 

"Cloud Atlas! Cloud Atlas! Cloud Atlas!”

“SHUT UP!” 

With that, everyone froze. Nevermind, it was simply Sawamura, it's fine, they had Kuroo with them.

“OOOH CLOUD ATLAS!?” 

Now, they also have Bokuto. What can Sawamura even do?

The seemingly unbreakable silence was broken immediately as Bokuto ran and was face to face with a blank stare Sawamura.  

“Apologies for the noise…” the silently trailing off Akaashi mumbled, still in a trance after hearing the title.

“Akaashi!? Did you hear that!? We're going to watch Cloud Atlas!” 

“Bokuto-san… I've already watched it before.”

Somehow, the sound of a deflating balloon resounded in the almost full hallway. Bokuto’s horned owl hair cascaded down, he seemed somewhat pitiful.

“So… you don't want to watch it again?” 

Akaashi froze. He's watched the film several times before, whenever he felt like he couldn't sleep. Something was simply comforting about it that made him like the movie. 

“I… it's fine. We can watch it together.”

He hasn't watched it in several months anyway. That was a record that happened ever since he met Bokuto.

“WHAT'S ALL THIS RUCKUS ABOUT?”

Oh, now that was scary. Everyone immediately ran away and scattered to their respective rooms as coach Ukai ran in.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

It was now winter. Akaashi chose to bundle himself up, wearing a burgundy knit scarf to protect himself from the weather. He dressed up casually for the occasion, layering enough but not so heavy he'd be walking uncomfortably. In fact, the purpose of today's walk was to visit a temple. Although, in a bustling city like Tokyo, it was quite difficult to traverse the streets without crowds forming everywhere, especially since it was time for the new year. Most people, if not everyone, well, even Akaashi despite being the rational person that he is, will be checking out their fortune for the upcoming year. 

There's no reasonable explanation for it yet, he thinks. It's also definitely not because of Bokuto’s insistence to attend with him for the first time ever in their lives. It'll be fun, the owl said when he asked. Somehow, Akaashi was persuaded in the end. Right now, he's walking to the landmark they agreed to meet up on.

Right on cue, he sees a messy bout of white-grey hair from the corner of his periphery. A small smile places itself on Akaashi’s lips, though hidden by the scarf he rolled all over the lower part of his head.

“Hey, Akaashi!” Bokuto grinned widely, his boisterous laughter filling the air, an obvious delight from successfully convincing the youth to join him. His eyes were practically gleaming Akaashi’s reflection, a testament to how he was the only one in Bokuto’s eyes as of the moment.

“Good morning, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi greeted back, his voice slightly muffled by the cloth covering his mouth, and which to much of his dismay, was now being stolen by Bokuto.

Bokuto’s attention was immediately caught by the burgundy knit scarf hanging on Akaashi’s face, his face beaming with interest. “Oooh let me take a closer look!” He said, tugging it away from the younger boy, revealing his somewhat reddening features, which he presumed to just be from the cold.

“Bokuto-san…” Akaashi mumbled, outstretching his right hand to the sight of Bokuto holding his scarf.

“...are we the first ones to arrive? Where are the others?” He questioned, tilting his head just a bit to see clearer the owl’s now fumbling expression.

Quickly as Akaashi finished, Bokuto’s owl hair deflated immediately. There was silence enveloping the two of them, and Akaashi could guess what had transpired throughout the holidays. 

“... You failed to convince them, didn't you, Bokuto-san?” He muttered, his stare leading the owl to wrap the scarf on his face instead.

“Nhuff ufhh ufhh…” Bokuto crossed his arms, ridiculously shaking his head that was now covered by the scarf.

“I see… then, we should get going early. We wouldn't want to miss the festivities with the number of people here.”

Suddenly, Bokuto sprang to action again. A heap of excitement coursing through his veins. He took a hold of Akaashi’s arm, dragging him away to the nearest temple that they knew of and into the busy streets of Tokyo.

“By the way, Akaashi…” he trailed, his voice just above a whisper, just loud enough for the two of them to hear.

“Your scarf is really warm… do you want it back?” 

Akaashi froze. It wasn't because of the weather, in fact, it barely affected him now. It was because of how vulnerable Bokuto seemed while asking.

“I do…” he let off, gauging Bokuto’s reaction before continuing.

“But I also want you to hold onto it… for now.”

It didn't matter what comes next anymore, Bokuto’s eyes widened in pleasant surprise, exclaiming a quick thank you before dragging Akaashi off again.

.˚₊‧˗ˏˋ ─── ★ ─── ˎˊ˗‧₊˚.

NATIONAL MEN'S VOLLEYBALL FINALS

  3-2: ICHIBAYASHI TRIUMPHS OVER FUKURŌDANI 

Amidst all the loud cheering and recklessly thrown out good game from the audience, Fukurōdani Men’s Volleyball team lined up in silence while facing the stands. 

Akaashi heaved out careful breaths, afraid of what he'll witness once he so much as looked in Bokuto’s direction. Would he be crying? He wondered. He thinks he got it right.

By the time they went to the changing rooms, Bokuto held his head up high, only so that the tears wouldn't stream down his face if he looked down. Akaashi knew that much. Still, as the other members gradually left the room, he stayed behind to look after the dreary owl.

“The last spike…” Bokuto mumbled, sitting down on a bench at the corner of the room.

“Was it… a wrong call, after all?” He asked, a look of desperation and regret evident in his features.

Akaashi gulped. There was little he could do in this situation. He considered all possible answers he could provide, yet he decided to say the most honest one.

“Bokuto-san…” he stated. Akaashi moved closer to Bokuto's location, though he contemplated at first if he really wanted to be blasted right in the face by that stinky stench. It was the smell of the gym.

“I have considered all possibilities at that moment. I, too, knew full well that the best option I had was to trust you, our ace. You might regret it now but I don't regret it one bit.”

In one hurried breath, Akaashi told Bokuto off without so much as stammering. He gulped, his throat having gone dry from all the talking and tension. 

“Really, Akaashi? You trust me?”

“Of course, Bokuto-san. Why would I not?”

Uncharacteristically for both of them, or maybe not for Bokuto, he swept his sweaty arms in to hug Akaashi. Strangely enough, although the rational part of Akaashi told him not to accept the hug, he thought otherwise. It was no longer the smell of the gym enveloping the two of them. Instead, Akaashi thought, Bokuto smelt like home.

Notes:

Alright, I had a semi outline for this before I started writing since I had the idea randomly.

- Bokuto didn't smell like home. He smelt stinky. Yet he didn't resist the hug that was coming his way right after they won the match.

- Cloud Atlas left a bitter taste in Akaashi's mouth.

I had those in my notes, and I did end up changing some of them. Plus the original idea was supposed to be until the post arc with their occupations and all but I'm really really tired and drained by this fic now... I'm just saying what's on my mind I'm so done for.

Check out my masterlist ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

Ps. I hit 10/10 images... Couldn't even put more borders