#i'mbroken

You ever wonder why things happen to you?

I’ve probably spent most of my life trying to figure that out. Life isn’t easy, it’s not fair. Even at the best of times, it’s hard. Each and every morning I find it difficult to pull myself out of bed, trying to put a positive spin on what the day might hold for me. I always feel alone, even when I’m not. I have never felt like I fit in in this world, and the older I get the more I realize how right I am about that. Friends?  I have a few. Lovers? I’ve had none, well at least none that were carved in stone. Family? I have plenty...just not necessarily plenty that care. 

For as long as I can remember, I aim to please people. My goal is always to help. And honestly, once I have my friends, or lovers, all I want to do is help and care, take care of them when they need it. Be there for them when they need it. But I’ve recently realized, I am just the stepping stool for all of them. I get used to help them through what they need help through, which I am glad to do, but once they feel well enough or brave enough to continue on it’s like they say goodbye to me. Lasting friendships? I have none. Have I had my heart broken? Only once that should account for anything.