#i'm 46

i mean at first glance there's not much wrong with enjoying the process of wanting, finding, and purchasing new things, right? something really useful, or really pretty, or really cool, that'll make your life just that little bit nicer. seems normal enough.

the weird thing that's happening in my mind a lot of the time though, is that my excitement about the New Thing more often than not comes from imagining it in my own past.

so maybe i'll be like "remember that time when i tried to do X? that would have been so much easier/better/cooler if i'd had The Thing!" it even sounds vaguely sensible so far, because there could always be a next time, and then i'll be more prepared, and that's how learning and experience works and shit.

except sometimes - often - i'm remembering situations that definitely won't be repeated in my life again. situations from my childhood for instance. situations that, intellectually, i know i won't ever be living again ever, but emotionally there's always this STRANGE feeling that i'll get round to them again, some time, somehow, and next time it will be even better. next time it will be perfect.

People: "Dress appropriately for your age!" 😡😡😡