#i love...them

Hbghhdhhhh them

Matt is big.This is not a surprise (and no, he’s not talking about that, Nicky, thank you). Neil is lying on the dormitory carpet and his brain is flying apart and sticking to the walls, and that’s what it has, apparently, decided to focus on.“Matt,” he says.“Yeah?” Matt looks up from the fridge and turns to him, his face inquisitive. Matt is so open with his emotions. Maybe that’s why Neil doesn’t have to find words for his own around him.“Matt,” Neil repeats, louder. Because he needs– something. He can’t. He–“Can you,” he says.“Over here,” he says.“Lie on top of me?” he forces out, and it’s stupidstupidstupid when he puts words to it but he just–needs that. He needs to know Matt is here with his body, because his mind isn’t here for him right now.“Sure, man,” Matt says, all easy. He closes the fridge and lopes over, long lopsided strides because he’s comfortable, because he’s home (Matt is always home because Matt IS home), and crouches down beside Neil. Already Neil feels more present, feeling Matt’s body heat. “Right here?”“Can’t move,” Neil admits. Pleads. He could get up now for Exy, but not anything else. Matt’s eyes are so deepdarkbrown and they’re the only thing that makes any sense right now.“Okay,” Matt says, so so softly. He swings a leg over Neil’s and lets down his weight in scientific gradations, making sure he’s not crushing Neil at all. Neil sighs happily when Matt is flush on top of him. His brain is on the walls but his body is here, safe, under Matt, and nothing bad will happen to it now.Matt murmurs something Neil doesn’t process and kisses the side of his head, just above his ear. Neil brings dazed fingertips up to rest on Matt’s back, firm and solid and there. Sometimes Neil forgets he’s a real person. Matt is always there to remind him that Neil Josten exists.

we found my words.”

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