I want to be a disability advocate/activist who empowers people with disabilities, being able to say to able-bodied people that "disabilities are nothing to be ashamed of!" and "my disabilities are who I am, I wouldn't be the same without them!" but i can't. I would trade *anything* to not have chronic illnesses.
I hate the fact that I am at the hospital multiple times a month. I hate that they can never get to a conclusive diagnosis since so many of my results come up "inconclusive". I hate that i get flare-ups in the evenings, but when I get to the hospital for them the doctors can't find anything. I hate that so many of my illnesses actively work *against* eachother, placing my body in some kind of limbo of symtoms that are irregular but not conclusive enough to test. I hate that I can't do things I used to be able to do. I hate that it feels like im lying all the time.
I want to be active. I want to be social. I want to be free of pain. I want to be healthy. I want to be normal.