This is the first time I'm talking about this and I feel ashamed and embarrassed talking about it. Like, full on shame.
This is how England always triggers me;
The way English people speak to each other and when they speak loud, I think they are having an argument. So I always think I have to duck and cover, just in case I will get attacked.
Especially when I see "lads" on a night out and they talk loudly. I always avoid them because I think they might attack me or rape me. It's EVERY TIME. EVERY SINGLE TIME. It's why I don't go out drinking, I don't go to clubs or anything loud. I got bullied a lot because I don't do "normal stuff". Well it triggers the fuck out of me and I'd rather feel safe, than be this Hypervigilance. I hate it.
When I was in America however; I never felt that. I could tell when someone is having fun, compared to a full on argument.
I never felt safe in England and I never felt secure in England. I really hate it here.
I hate how I'm always Hypervigilant with EVERYTHING when I live here. I just want to move and never come back.
