#human conditioning

Narrated by - Alan watts

I've been desperately trying to hold onto my plans during this pandemic. School, work, school, work... In the back of my mind, its clear. The world as we know is CHANGING. The future is uncertain and can go in many different directions at this point. In other words, it is best to create a back up plan. We are currently in a position to organize or correct our steps as we truly see fit. And I am now taking the time to do this. I am releasing my STRONGHOLD and becoming more flexible. Taking it one day at a time and dare I say- I am using my voice to speak my truth. Creating my own path. Now is the time to take RISKS. Without letting my anxiety gain the upper hand, I have had to take those first steps. Without fear of failure or mistakes. See, I thought I had gotten over that need for things to be "perfect" or be a certain way. Healing happens in CYCLES.. I had only made it to a new level that would challenge me more deeply to ensure that I have mastered this skill. My mind is my greatest weapon and there have been times when the opposite of that was also true. Meditation, Journaling and a gang of other exercises or tips on my tool belt... None of that could have fully prepared me for what I experienced this year. They surely helped the journey but these moments had to be LIVED..

Always take the time to check-in with yourself. Ask yourself some questions that you haven't taken the time to consider.

What is holding you back??

What do you need to get to that next step??

We've so much become our own oppressors that we work together with our oppressors and complain about oppression while seeking power to oppress others and in turn criticize as we oppress those we seek power from, saying others do it as we do it ourselves, only to do it to others. Generational patterns in which we are trapped.

Freedom and liberation are gimmicks so long as the pattern exists and the cycle regenerates. It is our doing, we are the agents of oppression. We serve the program by conditioning others to operate the same way, in this mold, of systematically targeting others to join and ostracizing those who don't, and pressuring others to conform.

Pressure is force and coercion, one of the subtler forms of violence, we attack and in turn breed our own fear. And where there is fear, there is no love, and where there is no love, there is no honesty, and in the absence of honesty, subjective truth which destroys honesty becomes more important than actual facts and in this, opinions are given priority, this ranking of chaos is disorder, the perpetuation of remaining as a machine of propagation, to spread the disease of being afraid and isolated, we self-impose it and then impose it on others, as misery enjoys company, it is our business to repress ourselves and use that fuel to drive us to suppress the rest and anyone else who does not limit themselves to the pattern.

Resentment, hostility, jealousy, envy, hatred, pettiness, it is the safeguard and engine by which we thrive in our own destruction and the means we use to destroy others, this conflict is internal and external, a unit of measure. The unit that joins us by this thread of entanglement is thought. What we think of ourselves and others is dichotomous and enmeshed with polarity, always splitting and separating, timid and boisterous, contradictory and confused, the chains of choice breed will and concentration, the tension builds and anxiety follows. In anxiety, we project a future, an escape from the present, the operating system running. We're running. Running away from our problems only creates more problems, multiplicity, fractaling. From the fractal, we move.

Branching out from the root, we gather, in the collective we secure our ambivalence*.

The psychological motion. A surface layer by the name of duality.

The petty mind is calcified and conditions itself to become more rigid, constantly building walls, the complexities narrowing its view of the world until it is centered on itself, through this method, the mechanical process of identification is deeply encoded as the structure that fills the calcium deposits, outlined in chalk, the idea of a self is from memory, repetition of experience, derived from knowledge(information and instruction), and in reference to time. A triangulating strangulation. The chokehold. Strengthened by resistance, pain, hurt, it will inflict harm by any means that is covert in reliance on reactions that will give biofeedback on that dependence for affirming its own self-created and superimposed notions, chemical reactions that sustain this calcifying process that it believes to be solid is merely an enclosure that, in expansion, becomes smaller. The speck is based on specs, externalities that are concentrated, a gravitational field condensed into an area, a pocket, the me(mental energy).

*In this, begins the network of distractions, diversions, etc, to keep the program running; status quo; statistics.