#hugjared

So… I’m finally gonna write down what happened in my Jared auto at JIB. For the longest time I literally couldn’t think about what had happened without starting to cry like a baby, and until now I have only once written it all down – like half an hour after I got out of the auto room, completely in tears.

In my J2 op in the morning happened the thing that reduced me to a sobbing mess for the rest of the day: I hugged Jared for the photo, and after they took the photo I squeezed him shortly, like you do before you end a hug – but then he just kept holding me tight and hugging me. He legit didn’t let me go even when somebody from the staff tried to pull me away, he just took a step to the side with me and kept swaying back and forth and holding me tight, for almost a minute. After that happened I was not able to think straight anymore, it was the most perfect and sweetest thing ever, and I still can’t believe this happened to me. Anyway, after this it was so so hard to hold the tears back.

In the afternoon was the last auto session for Jared, and I had wanted this to be my last time meeting him this weekend. I was honestly crying like an idiot while queuing, and there came maybe like five people to queue after me and I let them go before me, still hoping I might get it together enough to not just sob into his face. Now comes the first amazing thing: Jared knew the fan that was queuing before me, and he took so much time for her, so I literally got to stare at him for five full minutes, listen to his laugh and his giggle and just !! look at his face, it was awesome. And you know, when you’ve been crying really hard but you kinda get it together finally? So you have still tears running down your face but you’re not sobbing anymore? This was the state I was in at that time. And then the fan left and it was my turn. I was the very last one.

Jared looked up to me, suddenly his whole focus was on me. He took my hands (which I had put on the table) and said: „How are you, sweetheart?“ with his sweet genuine voice (since I had obviously been crying) and that was it, that broke the dam and I started sobbing again, like really hard. I laughed because it was slightly embarassing and said „not so good“ (like !! look at me I’m a mess). Jared: „Why, what happened?“ He sounded so concerned, it was the sweetest thing. „Good tears, happy tears?“

And I honestly could barely talk. I replied „Good, because of you“, talking was hard and I hoped to put everything I felt into these words. Jared smiled, squeezed my hands and said „You’re awesome! Because of you!!“ I was just sobbing harder, and one of the staff members gave me a tissue, and I absolutely hate crying in public (I’m an ugly crier, believe me) and I said that I was sorry (for making an ass out of myself and crying into his face).

And Jared just looked at me and said in a serious voice: „You don’t owe me an apology. Ever, ever.“ Then he took my phone which was lying on the table in front of us and his pen. „Can I?“

„Yes, sign it here?“ I pointed to the space above Jensen’s signature. He signed it and smiled at me: „It means you can’t ever lose this phone!“ So true! I laughed and replied: „Yeah! And you should check out the lockscreen, you took a great selfie of us.“ Now this was super cute. My phone doesn’t have a button on the front or at the sides (it’s on the back) and he was searching for a way to light up the screen and he looked honestly so adorable. After a few seconds I was like „no, that won’t work“ and I finally double tapped the screen to light it up.

He looked at it (our photo from Thursday when I ran into him) and smiled. „I love it! You’re a darling.“ My heart nearly stopped when he called me darling again, like seriously. And I just… „So are you!“ (jesus christ yes I said that in my crying fit, I basically flirted with Jared)

„Thank you“ Then Jared got up and suddenly pulled me in and hugged me across the table. And this was such a surprise to me, I honestly didn’t expect this. While we hugged I told him again that I love him, and I heard him saying something back but I couldn’t understand because I was pressed so hard against his shoulder and face, still sobbing. When we let go again and he said back down he thanked me for supporting the message (which confused me for a while, I was like… sure, but how do you KNOW? And like an hour later I remembered that I had changed into my first AKF shirt for the auto, so.. that’s how) and I noticed how wet his right shoulder was looking because of me. „I’m sorry. I just smeared… tears and snot all over your coat.“

Jared laughed and went: „That’s alright, I like snot! I have a 2 year old and a 4 year old, snot and tears are my hobby.“ (Honestly, the way he said this was the sweetest thing!!)

So, now I got the drawing with the message on it out. „Alright, and then I have this. Last year I wanted you to sign this and that didn’t work out, so I wrote a message on it. And this year I thought I’d do the same.“ Jared took it, looked at the picture and then turned it around and looked at what I had written. „So, this is for me?“ (I nodded.) „Very cool. This is your drawing?“ I told him yes. „You’re a great artist. Thank you, darling.“ And then he put it to the side and smiled again at me. And god, honestly, his eyes are so so beautiful. It was literally like staring into the sun. I thanked him one last time and told him goodbye. Jared said „bye“ and then blew me a kiss (!!!!!) and smiled and then I left and died. 

I am so so happy about these two minutes I had with him, it was the perfect last meeting, it was the perfect goodbye, I literally couldn’t be happier about this. Jared is so incredibly lovely, he is so kind and he just gives you all his attention. I will never get over the concern in his voice when he saw me crying and his smile when I told him that I was just so overwhelmed and happy because of him. I love him with all my heart.

No Makeup Selfie Challenge

I was tagged by the beautiful @loveablejared ♥

Rules: Post a selfie(s) of you wearing absolutely no makeup, then tag others to do the same. If you get tagged and choose to do this, first write 1-3 good things about the person that tagged you in your post (ex: beautiful smile, etc). Many believe that they can only look beautiful with makeup on, but that is definitely not true. You are all absolutely fucking gorgeous.

Lena, you are so so pretty! Your eyes are so beautiful and bright, and I really love your smile ♥ (and your entire face bc hELLO GORGEOUS)

Those aren't flaws, those are the truth <3

Next time I will make us nutella toast outside your dorm and pee outside your dorm and sleep outside your dorm ;)

yes please!