As It Was: 1D and closeting trauma
Okay, okay, I'm done wrecking my brain over this and want to share my thoughts to see what you guys think.
Disclaimer: This is all procude of my brain, just one person's opinion, and could well be incorrect in parts or as a whole. This is a LARRY intrepretation of Harry's song As It Was and if you hate the idea, please scroll, let me and my unfixable mind be. I am not saying this is the absolute truth or that other interpretations could not exist. I am sure someone else can perfectly figure out how this song is all about Olivia, and I welcome it. No hate, please.
TLDR: I think As It Was is all about the trauma of being forcefully closeted and isolated from Louis during the 1D era.
CHILD: "Come on, Harry, we wanna say âGoodnightâ to you... "
-> Children in this song represent the fans who dream of being romantically involved with the star, to whom they had to cater during 1D, the perceived teenage audience of the boybands I guess. This child shouts at Harry through the partially see-through glass, partially seeing the real Harry and in large parts not, that she wants to say goodnight to him aka be the one to sleep next to him, be in bed with him. Bear with me on this.
After this, Harry is seen outside the door he was just trapped behind, walking forward among other people. When he starts singing, the walking reverses, he starts walking backwards:
Holdinâ me back
Gravityâs holdinâ me back
I want you to hold out the palm of your hand
Why donât we leave it at that?
-> Okay so when Harry was outside, he was not yet a star, he was walking among the others as one of them, a regular person. As soon as he starts singing, gravity starts pulling him towards this place where he will become trapped.
I am going to go ahead and assume that "you" in these lyrics is Louis, all the time, just like the blue woman in the video is. I think he would have wanted, for Louis and probably also for himself, that they would have been able to offer to the world what they wanted to offer, at the palm of their hands, and then just set the limit there, leave it at that. Unfortunately it was not possible.
Harry gets trapped inside the building and:
Nothinâ to say
And everything gets in the way
Seems you cannot be replaced
And Iâm the one who will stay, oh-oh-oh...
-> Louis is stuck in the same gravitational pull as Harry is, walking with him, and we even see a classic subtle Larry hand-touching moment here. The lyrics are self-evident. Louis can't be replaced and Harry is the one who will stay, meaning they are given different explanations and maybe also false promises of awaiting freedom but the truth is that both of them are stuck.
In this world, itâs just us
You know itâs not the same as it was
In this world, itâs just us
You know itâs not the same as it was
As it was, as it was
You know itâs not the same
-> I think at this point of the song the chorus refers to the time before becoming a celebrity. Things have changed permanently for them both. Inside that world (the building) they find the world where there's just the two of them (centre of the spinning wheel). You can literally see how they first walk together, then spin a bit, embrace as they find love, walk separately again, find each other again, walk separately again... Harry even lifts Louis up in a way that makes me think they found a way to enjoy the spin for a moment.
Then gravity throws Louis off the wheel and Harry points at the ceiling, only to find himself outside in a closed space over a swimming pool.
Answer the phone,
âHarry, youâre no good alone
Why are you sitting at home on the floor?
What kinda pills are you on?â
-> They are still inside the building, only now they are outside at the same time. Harry, Louis and the other people representing the rest of 1D (or, more broadly, all the celebrities who are in similar situations). They are all standing on narrow surfaces. If they fall, there's water. It's a warning.
Outside the house, seen by the public, yet still trapped and controlled. "Harry you're no good alone" means that Harry has no chance of succeeding without the support of the supposedly "helpful" people who are controlling the situation and everyone in it. Note that HOME is mentioned here, why are you sitting at home on the floor can be read as why are you focusing on Louis and the stability he brings when you could achieve anything with the small price of abandoning just that. I am not so sure about the pills here, perhaps it may refer to his and Louis' love being just a phase, i.e. you take a pill (fall in love) but the effects will be gone after a while (you fall out of love).
Ringing the bell and nobodyâs coming to help
Your daddy lives by himself
He just wants to know that youâre well, oh...
-> They all had to get undressed, meaning they are forced to bare parts of themselves, some to a larger degree, some to a lesser degree. The fact that Louis didn't undress fully might refer to how he was more willing to stay in the closet at that point than Harry was (what's up with the glove??). The first line is about trying and failing to get help. "Daddy" who is looking after them and supposedly caring about them, who is living by himself (only looking after himself), well. We all know who that was. This talks about how they are forced to reveal so much that is private about themselves, for all to see, but only what those in control allow them to. Yet - Harry and Louis embrace here as well. In public, regardless of the consequences. Everyone with eyes can see that they are in love.
And the consequences come:
In this world, itâs just us
You know itâs not the same as it was
In this world, itâs just us
You know itâs not the same as it was
As it was, as it was
You know itâs not the same...
-> They are imprisoned/trapped, still looking at each other, trying and failing to hold on to each other. Now the meaning of the chorus changes. It's like by saying "it's just us" Harry is trying to swear his love for Louis. The stunts are brought in (invisible-like people hovering over them while they are trapped), the colour in their life disappears when they are pulled apart and what's revealed underneath is a colourless life.
Going home, get ahead, light-speed internet
I donât wanna talk about the way that it was
Leave America, two kids follow her
I donât wanna talk about whoâs doing it first...
-> Harry tries to look for Louis on the spinning wheel again but they end up both running it into opposite directions. Note that Harry is NOT singing this bit, it's more like Harry is thinking it. (Btw also note how outer part of the wheel is the Louis shade of blue.)
"Going home, get ahead, light-speed internet" I think it might be a reference to Larries and how they got ahead and spread the truth very quickly. So Harry is running and THINKING that he wants to go home (to Louis) and get ahead of the narrative because the Larries with their light-speed internet (lol) do know how to put pieces together and are ready to talk about it. Thinking and wanting it, not quite achieving it. I think here "the way that it was" refers to the previous "as it was" aka being trapped in stunts. In fact, he's thinking about leaving America and the two kids that follow her.
Please don't kill me, this is just one interpretation, but... I spent a lot of time trying to figure out the America line. Remember when I said the child at the beginning represented a certain type of fan? There are two of them: those who want Louis and those who want Harry. So the two kids here represents the part of the audience that the stunts and all this closeting is being catered to, and America here represents that heteronormative narrative, perhaps simply because such audience is possibly larger in numbers in America as opposed to e.g. Europe and/or the conventions that trapped them come from the US. So in "two kids follow her", "her" could refer to either the narrative or the stunts.
Obviously many simpler people will hear America and two kids and think about Olivia. That's probably intentional too, and the line could have been a late addition/tweak to this song. It only highlights the intended meaning.
The other thing Harry doesn't talk about its who's doing it first. It also refers to the previous situation, i.e. being trapped in the stunts, and the horrible "reverse gay chicken" they had to play with which one of them is going to be publicly paired off first and to whom etc.
Louis is gone. Harry is alone on the wheel. He is then seen looking at the doorway, familiar from so many other Louis and Harry contexts - it's the gateway to freedom. Upon seeing it, he starts fighting. Dancing and fighting. I guess we have moved onto his solo career.
All of a sudden, in the middle of the fighting, he's realising he's outside.
For a moment he is both inside, still trapped but now playing with the room, feeling its limits, and already outside. And during the final, fateful spin, he ends up at the gates, smiling, and breaks free. Very "but honestly I don't have to choose anymore" vibes here.
So this is a story of being trapped in a glass closet together with Louis, being forcefully separated from him, being left alone in the same trap but managing to figure out a way to break free.
I was surprised at first that Harry wanted to handle this topic in such depth but then in all honesty it has not been handled this explicitly before, and it certainly must have been traumatising. It sort of also makes sense for this to be the first single out of Harry's House album, whether or not the rest talk about "home" or "house". He did break free in the end, you know.
Hopefully the rest of the album's songs are happier. I am sure we will see him meeting Louis again, in some shape or form. But I get a feeling that the era he left behind was so traumatising that he WILL come back to it in later songs of this album, as well.
I've yet to combine all of this with you are home's tweets and door imagery, but here's something:
what happens in between colours? / slider from red to blue - We already know that this is about purple. If you combine red (Harry) and blue (Louis) you get Larry, and in between the word colour there is Lou. This is the hill I'll die on.
in this world, itâs just us, you know itâs not the same as it was / upside down globe - The upside down world that is not featured in this video or lyrics but will certainly come later, will probably refer to the stunt/staged world, based on this. Which is what we already thought with the stage and doll house.
shed the past, wear the present / red dress and blue shapes - This is imagery from outside, on top of the pool. The red is what Harry shed on the ground I think. Not yet sure of the interpretation, perhaps 1D era is the red he shed? And now he's wearing the present (and having faith in the future?)
find a moment of calm, colour it in / black and white pattern - This was the dull life revealed when Harry and Louis were separated. I guess he talks about how he found happiness with him in the middle of the storm, coloured it in. Very sad.
every place youâve ever been will never stay the same and neither will you / wheel - I mean this is the spinning wheel they were stuck in. I think it means it changed both of them for good, the entire experience.
your world is waiting / see-through glass - This is interesting because "you" has meant Louis in the lyrics. I guess it could be the both of them, and the world waiting for them outside that glass. Will be interesting to see how that will relate to the world being upside down.
That's it! I'm sure much of this is still half-cooked, so please reblog and refine it if you have thoughts!
// EDIT: i think you should draw big flowers / coloured flower + poem - In the poem, the other suggestion is to draw a straight line. But no, nothing straight here, when Harry is laying on the flower in the music video, it represented his relationship with Louis. Which is the opposite of straight. Ahem.