#hp snack

Karkaroff: I'm not a wolf?

Mulciber Jr.: Neither am I.

Lucius: I'm more of a Snake.

James: Isn't this way more then two-?

Sirius: Well, I'm the obviously mentioned (in a way).

Remus: Oh look, a distraction-

Unfortunately, Harry develops an unhealthy (?) or usual attachment to his caretaker because he does not like it when anyone else takes him, not Albus or McGonagall or even Molly. So this kid is like, stuck to Severus's hip 24/7. Severus is tired, he is annoyed and he can't catch a break because no one can babysit the kid.

and then. obviously one day, Severus gets a letter ? Patronus? from Albus, and he's asking where Harry is and if the kid's okay. Severus knows he's okay because he just checked on the kid a couple minutes ago, tells Albus that, but then goes to Harry's room to check on him because he doesn't like the dire tone he's hearing.

Literally just as Albus tells him, or just as he reads that "Sirius Black has escaped.", he finds Sirius Black, next to the crib, with a giggling Harry in his arms. Harry, the fussy kid. Giggling. In what should be a stranger's arms. The same kid Severus had spent months trying to be liked by. The same kid that doesn't like being picked up by Molly, who he's known for years. Again, giggling.

Jeverus - Love it, but only after James is made to crawl on his belly and eat dust. If he isn't sufficiently beaten down or if Severus forgives him too early then I can't. James needs the ego knocked out of him first, he needs to be broken down and rebuilt and THEN I love it.

Snirius - Also love it. Completely different energy from jeverus, in that I need James to be a contrite simp who realizes the error of his ways, Sirius on the other hand is a bastard and so is Severus, and them trading blows and insults between kisses is just 😘

Snily - Honestly like it, but only when Lily has genuine flaws that she has to work through in the text as well. I'm not interested in perfect Lily and simp Severus who must flagellate himself to he worthy of her love. But when they're written as two people with a lot of history and complicated, flawed beings? Beautiful.

Snupin - Dislike. I can write snupin in short spurts but every time I tried to write a long snupin fic Remus slowly morphs into a passive aggressive, gaslighting, "Oh my friends weren't so bad, you're exagerrating, I need to downplay your pain because my school days were the last time I really enjoyed my life and if I take my rose-tinted glasses off I will have to examine my own actions and guilt and be forced to take responsibility and acknowledge that not every bad thing I've done can be blamed on the wolf, nor can I insulate my feelings by blaming other people's prejudice against lycanthropy as a reason for why they might not like me instead of acknowledging that maybe I'm not actually that nice of a guy." SORRY.

Snucius - Unironically love Lucius having sugar baby Severus to spoil.

Snucissa - What's better than one hot, rich blond? TWO hot, rich blondes. Death Eaters, you say? Morally dubious at the best of times, you say? Yes, perfect, I crave gothic, crumbling aristocracy, the beautiful decadence that masks our sins, and yet still loving throuple snucissa.

Snarity - It all depends on the Charity. She's basically an OC since we don't know anything about her in canon, except that she had the balls to tell Death Eaters they suck in a major newspaper when the Death Eater activity was extremely high and that she and Severus were friends. I can get behind this with a well-written and interesting Charity 👍

Snarry/Snamione - Not a fan at all. Even if there's no romantic relationship until Harry and Hermione are like 40, I can't see Severus ever acknowledging them as anything but those annoying kids who made his life hell. Every time he sees them the Kill Bill sirens start playing in his head. Harry could be 60 years old and Severus 80 years, and Severus would be like, "Shut the fuck up, you snuck out of the castle and went to Hogsmeade when we all thought a serial killer was out to get you, I have a heart condition because of you, get out of my nursing home before I throw my dentures at you."

Snon - Only in A Very Potter Musical.