#howlcon

As Ryou Bakura, I was a mostly perfectly normal human, genetically speaking at least, with a hint of magic in both my personal practice and my life. I had nightmares, flashbacks, memories of a past life that distressed me so much, I used magic to suppress them. I believed in ghosts and magic, of course, and I was right that there were ghosts and magic in that world. (I wrote to my deceased sister, and I was haunted by a ghost.) But I only wanted to interact with it on my terms. I never felt quite like I was normal, but I wasn't transspecies in any way, either. It didn't bother me to be a bit odd, though! I still felt like a human.

So when I'm in a Ryou shift, being human means games and magic and friendship. I wouldn't have met my friends if I wasn't human, after all! It also means getting to study history and the occult, which animals don't do, as far as we can tell. (Who knows if pigeons think their "pigeon prayers" are magic? It could certainly be argued to be magical thinking…)

Anyways, as Harrowhark, a necromancer, I was born into humanity, but a little to the left. (With necromantic abilities that would come to define so many aspects of my life.) There were ghosts in that world, and spirits, and monsters, but I was not numbered among them in the strictest literal sense.

In Harrowhark shifts (which I try to prevent because they're mentally very taxing), I actually feel like ten times the usual euphoria from wearing long, draping black clothes and makeup. It's like a comfortable costume, an armor, the persona I'm most comfortable wearing. Being human means having power, and having an effect on the world.

Being human, to me, is a malleable state that I can leverage to my advantage and effect change. (That sounds so cold… Let me try again.)

Being human means I get to interact with the world and make a difference. I find fulfillment in reaching out to other humans and doing what I can to help, to share their experiences, to find community. To give my life more meaning than food and allogrooming and shelter, to decide for myself, to stand up against power and not let discomfort be steamrolled by instinct. It's my vehicle for activism and standing up for the underdogs of this planet, the species that cannot stand up for themselves.

It's stewardship, in a way. There are some Blue Diamond feelings tied into taking care of this planet; I once thought of it as belonging to someone I dearly loved. Someone to memorialize. But of course it isn't mine, and it isn't hers. It's all of ours, and as humans we have the power to change it more greatly than any other species that we know of in this world.

If I was more inclined to power trips, I could easily get on one, being human. ;P But for me specifically, it's tempered by having been so much MORE powerful in past lives!

And my favorite part? I get to make friends and I get to study and understand the world on a level animals can't! I can travel to the other side of the planet in 8 hours and look at the incredible art in Vatican City! I can take words and put them together in a way that has never been done before, create meaning that is unique to me and my words! I Can delight in reading stories of others doing the same, an write my own addendums in the form of fanfiction and analysis!