#hotsadgrl

i’ve drowned myself so many times to give the world what it wants out of me. i remember when i was 9 years old and i thought this older girl in my Sunday school class was cute. i hide it very well. i couldn’t let the world know i admired the two curves that graced her chest. i drowned myself. i remember hearing the other girls in middle school giggle over their boy crushes. the vibrations “whose yours?” were thrown at me so many times only to be met with my uncomfortable silence. i drowned myself. i’m in high school now and i’ve been asked “you got a boyfriend?” so many times. the waves of truth thrash against my throat crying to be set free i just smile and say no. i drown myself.

i am sorry for love i am sorry for you and i know he could’ve called back but the nights he spent with her hands around his neck made him forget what you said. i am sorry for love i am sorry for him and the kisses she blew to his lips were only saliva and touches but he dreamt of love and all she gave him was sex. sex is not love even when you pour your heart out.

You press your lips against mine and I call this acceptance, 
But you kiss like regret, 
Because the only name that’s getting gagged in your throat is hers 
And the only one that misses you is mine. When you hold me tight inside your palms,
 Spill words never meant to be mine, 
I feel distance between us
 Because even when your hands cling to mine 
 Your heart travels eternities as it suffers. You press your lips against mine and I call this acceptance,
 But you regret this decision,
 You hold me like it’s all gone to be fixed, I know she caused a little trouble, Left you shattered in pieces, 
I know you stick by me to make it,
 But she is a mistake you never understood. You kiss like regret, 
feel sorrow for the lies you said,
 and I’m your home when she is a mistake, 
although, she is the one you love when I am your mistake.