#hoshi angst

WARNINGS: Graphic violence generally associated with mafia behavior, mentions of murder and blood, on screen murder, themes of codependency and obsession, references briefly to Soonyoung's father being tough on him, a lot of internal angst throughout, Soonyoung discovers his parents bodies on screen, intense depictions of grief and shock, angry Soonyoung for a lot of this fic, lots of thoughts/mentions of difference in social standing between Soonyoung and reader, brutal breakup scene, recreational drug use and drinking, bar fights and jealousy, on screen suicide attempt via drugs, cage fights/violence, mentions of torture that happens off screen but the victim is briefly on screen, Soonyoung not caring if he lives or dies for a bit, a lot of derealization/depersonalization, Soonyoung feeling like he's just a body/not human for the second half, depictions of panic and anxiety, just... lots of blood. Most of this is a recreation of Baby but there are new scenes with added violence, explicit language, explicit sexual content including unprotected sex, oral (f. receiving), a little bit of groveling, fingering, emotional sex.

If our love is a drug You’re the one with the trigger Shoot me down, shoot me down I don’t wanna remember you

KWON SOONYOUNG IS CRYING THE FIRST TIME HE MEETS THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. He hates crying because his dad hates when he cries. Soonyoung’s father has told him over and over again that crying isn’t a way to solve his problems, but Soonyoung can’t help it.

He twists his fists tighter in his mother’s skirt, clinging to her. He knows he’s here because he’s supposed to make friends, but the last time he’d tried to make friends had been at school and they’d hurt him. He hates being hurt - it makes him cry.

Everything in the unfamiliar foyer seems too big. The floors are impossibly shiny, the high ceiling stretching upward in what feels like a never ending spiral. It smells faintly of flowers - not like his house that smells like vanilla when his mom bakes. His house is large too, but not like this house, with its sprawling jungle outside and massive bulk of building.

Sighing, Soonyoung’s mom crouches down. Her eyes soften as she brushes the tears from his ruddy cheeks, her touch warm. He sniffs, trying to catch his breath as she gives him a look that he knows means enough. It’s not as scary as when his father does it, but Soonyoung knows his mother is giving him the opportunity to collect himself.

Soonyoung loves his mom. He tries not to let it dictate everything he does for fear of his father calling him a momma’s boy, but he can’t help it. His mom is the smartest and most loving person Soonyoung knows, and she knows exactly how much vanilla to add to his cookies and when to give him time to process emotions.

Emotions have always been hard for him to process, which is why he cries all the time.

“You’ll be fine, Soonyoung,” his mother promises. Her voice is gentle but firm and he sucks in a breath and nods. “You’re here to make friends with the Choi family. You remember they’re friends of ours, right?”

Soonyoung does. He’s never been here before, but he’s seen the Tower before, a terrifying man who frowns a lot and makes even Soonyoung’s dad bow with respect. The Tower is the most important person to Soonyoung’s father - besides Soonyoung and his mother, of course. It is his father's job to protect the Tower, to be his most loyal friend, to be the sword and shield.

Movement catches Soonyoung’s eye. He glances over to see you peeking from behind your mother, who gives you a sharp look. You sigh and step around her, staring at Soonyoung with your nose scrunched. You link your hands behind your back, watching Soonyoung with the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen.

He thinks you’re an angel. He doesn’t know much about angels, but he’s heard they’re supposed to be the most beautiful creatures in the world. When he looks at you, he thinks you must be an angel. It’s the only explanation.

A boy steps out of what Soonyoung thinks is the kitchen. He’s older than both of you, his stride confident and self-assured. He walks like the kids at school with money and parents in high positions. His eyes narrow when he looks at Soonyoung up and down, unimpressed. Soonyoung stands a little straighter, realizing this must be the Tower’s son.

Soonyoung doesn’t understand a ton about the Choi family, but he does know the Tower is number one, which makes the Tower’s son pretty important. Soonyoung immediately feels a need to be careful around this boy, knowing that weakness won’t be appreciated.

“Seungcheol,” your mother chides. “Don’t be rude to our guests.”

The boy - Seungcheol - glances at you. Soonyoung watches you and Seungcheol exchange some sort of silent communication and realizes you must be siblings. There’s a little bit of Seungcheol in your face, though you’re softer and younger. You shrug at your brother and Seungcheol sighs, turning to face Soonyoung. He bows politely, not too low, not too high - the perfect, practiced bow.

“It’s nice to meet you, Soonyoung.” The Tower’s son straightens, his eyes dark. “Are you here to play video games?”

No, he almost says. He’s here to become friends with the Tower’s son. Even at a young age, Soonyoung understands this. His entire purpose here today is to become what Soonyoung’s father is to the Tower, but to Seungcheol. To love him, to protect him, to honor him.

Soonyoung straightens a little. He can do this. He’s always been up to any task - albeit, after a little crying - and when he looks at his mother for permission, he sees that she’s pleased. “He is,” she tells Seungcheol. “We thought it might be good for you to become friends. All three of you.”

Soonyoung looks at you again. His heart soars. He didn’t realize that he would get to be your friend too. If he’s being honest, he enjoys that prospect better. Seungcheol looks a little too scary and like he takes everything too seriously, where you look quiet. Kind. Pretty.

“Do I have to?” You ask your mom, frowning.

That makes Soonyoung deflate a little. You don’t seem eager to be friends with him and it stings a little. Thankfully, your mom tells you that you do have to get to know him. It makes it a little better, but Soonyoung shifts from foot to foot, suddenly angry that you don’t want to play with him. Makes him feel like the kids at school.

“Why don’t you want to play?” Soonyoung asks, a little frustrated.

“I’m not any good.”

Oh. That makes sense to him. He doesn’t like things he’s not good at either, but he wants you to stay with him, so he says, “That’s okay. I’ll let you beat me.”

Seungcheol groans. “Ugh, don’t let her win. Come on. I got the new Grid Fighters game on the Reality Rift console!”

“No way!”

Grid Fighters is hard for anyone to get a hold of. No one at Soonyoung’s school has been able to get it - much less afford the Rift console - and he’s been watching videos online of cool streamers playing it, living vicariously through them. The idea that the Tower’s son has it sends Soonyoung running after Seungcheol, excited to try it out.

When you don’t follow, Soonyoung stops at the door. You’re rooted to the spot next to your mom, mouth down turned. Soonyoung recognizes the look on your face - fear. Fear of not being accepted by others when forced to interact with them, fear of not being good enough. Of someone hurting you.

Soonyoung never wants you to feel that way around him.

“Come on,” he whispers. “I’ll let you win, I promise.”

Your smile lights up the room. Suddenly, Soonyoung decides he will let you win no matter what, so long as he gets to see you smile like that again.

-

Training with you is going to be the end of him. It’s the final thought Soonyoung has as you fling him over your back, sending him sprawling to the mat. You’re small but you’re strong, your fighting skills incredibly deceptive. Anyone who doesn’t know you might see the polite and curated daughter of the Tower of the Choi Syndicate, but Soonyoung knows you’re more than that. You can smile and say thank you, but you can also throw a nasty right hook.

Of course, Soonyoung lets you win. He’d decided that the first day he met you. Nothing has changed from the first time Soonyoung saw you smile - except, perhaps, he knows that you’re not an angel. You’re something better, though. Something real and divine in your own way, and as he blinks stars from his eyes from being thrown down to the mat again, he can’t help but grin.

“Holy fuck,” he wheezes, rolling over. He’s covered in sweat, watching it drip onto the mat as he pushes himself up. “Can you let me win for once?”

Soonyoung gets to his feet and looks at you. It takes everything in him not to groan at the sight. You’re not doing anything specific - you’re just existing, covered in a sheen of sweat, little hairs sticking to your temples as you guzzle down water. He watches the bead of sweat slide down your throat as you gulp and Soonyoung’s stomach flips.

Everything you do drives him insane and it’s a testament to his self control that he manages to ignore the way he feels when you’re looking like that, sweaty and disheveled and grinning at him wildly. Soonyoung is grateful that Seungcheol ignores the two of you, working on weighted sets as Soonyoung trains you in hand-to-hand combat.

A single glance at the digital screen across the training room monitors Soonyoung’s vitals. He notes that he’s in the orange zone and winces, knowing that the second you clock it, you’ll know he was going easy on you. You hate it when Soonyoung goes easy on you.

You glance at the wall and Soonyoung knows it's coming when you huff, “Maybe if you weren’t afraid to actually hit me.” You cross your arms, giving Soonyoung a serious look. He opens and closes his fist, looking anywhere but you. “You’re not going to hurt me.”

Seungcheol makes a gruff sound as he gets up to swap the weights on his machine. “He’d put you on your ass, Baby. Lucky for you, he always lets you win.”

It makes Soonyoung wince. Seungcheol has never been too keen on the way Soonyoung lets you win. He’s not too keen on the way Soonyoung does anything for you. Even at sixteen, Seungcheol has made it clear no less than a hundred times the various ways he will put an end to Soonyoung if he ever hurts you.

Soonyoung has to refrain from telling Seungcheol just what Soonyoung will do to him if he ever hurts his sister. Thankfully, despite your teenage bickering and the obvious disinterest Seungcheol has in your general life, the two of you get along well and Seungcheol would die for you. It’s something he and Soonyoung have in common, though Soonyoung doesn’t like to mention that bit too much to the older boy.

Soonyoung is supposed to become a guard and confidant to Seungcheol. Not you.

Sighing, Soonyoung walks over to you and sits by your feet. He holds a hand up, thirsty. You pass him the water bottle without thinking and Soonyoung has to hide the smirk as he takes a sip. Though the love he harbors for you isn’t a two way street, he likes that you’re comfortable with him. It makes him feel safe.

“I don’t want to hit you,” Soonyoung tells you, lowering his voice so that your brother can’t hear him. He takes another sip of your water and bumps against your leg. You grin and he smiles up at you. “I just don’t like the idea of you getting hurt.”

“Everyone treats me like a baby.”

Well, that was true. As the youngest member of the Choi family, everyone has handled you with kid gloves your entire life. Soonyoung is as guilty of that as anyone, but he also challenges you when others won’t. You’re the single person he isn’t afraid to speak his mind around, even if it's to disagree with you.

“You are,” he points out. “But it’s not a bad thing. For example, you say jump and everyone asks how high. Even my dad.”

Soonyoung’s father primarily answers to the Tower, but it extends to the Tower’s immediate family, including his daughter. Thankfully, you don’t give the Sentinel or any of his Swords much of a problem. You are fiercely loyal to your family, incredibly well-behaved, and the only person that you give a hard time is Soonyoung.

He doesn’t mind. He likes that you feel free enough with him to push his buttons, that you can ask him to break curfew with you and to sneak bottles of wine from the cellar late at night. He would never tell his father that, of course. The Sentinel would rather Soonyoung spend his time getting to know Seungcheol, not you, but it’s too late for that now.

“What about you?”

Soonyoung looks up at your question. “What about me?”

“Jump.”

It’s such a simple word. Soonyoung isn’t sure you understand its gravity. He wouldn’t just jump for you. He would do anything for you. He’d determined that from day one. If you asked him to jump off a building, he would do it no questions. If you asked him to steal you away from your family and take you somewhere the Syndicate doesn’t exist, he would do it.

Even at fourteen, Soonyoung knows that your life is going to be a hard one. It already is harder than others. All he wants is to make it easier, and if you gave the slightest hint that for a second you wanted something else, he would give it to you with no questions asked.

Grinning and shaking his head, Soonyoung gets up to his feet, setting the bottle of water down. Your smile grows and he feels the pang in his chest, the already sizable love for you growing threefold. Tenfold. He doesn’t know if it will ever stop, this infinite ability to love you.

He knows he shouldn’t love you. His devotion to you makes a wonderful tool to protect you and to give you someone to rely on, but it feels like a loaded gun sitting on the table every time Soonyoung admits to himself that the affection isn’t going away. That he doesn’t want it to.

“How high, Baby?”

-

Rain hisses against the sleek black panels of the family car, tracing silver lines down the windshield. Hyperion sprawls below in a blur of neon, the glow of the city far below the curving road of the Estates District as the car climbs.

Soonyoung presses his sweaty palms to his knees, trying not to fidget. His suit collar bites into the back of his neck, irritating and itchy but if he keeps squirming, his father is going to notice. Tonight will be one of those nights where Soonyoung’s father is watching everything and everyone, even if he’s not on duty.

Which means Soonyoung has to be perfect.

His mother’s hand brushes his shoulder, warm and grounding. “Stop scowling. You’ll get wrinkles when you’re older.”

“I’m not scowling,” he mutters.

“You always scowl. Even when you’re trying not to. Lord knows you get it from your father.”

Soonyoung’s father grunts on the other side of his wife, amused. His mother’s dress catches a flash of streetlight, giving the illusion that she’s spun from the rain herself. Soonyoung’s mother has always been the most beautiful woman to him - besides you - and when he glances at her now, he softens a little.

Next to her, Soonyoung’s father watches outside of the windows, eyes ever vigilant. He stares at the city below like he can pinpoint every person who means to do the Choi Syndicate harm. Soonyoung is pretty sure he might be able to. As the Choi family’s Sentinel, his father is the sword, shield and eyes of the Syndicate, their best line of defense.

Soonyoung is supposed to be him one day. He’s not sure how.

“Remember why we’re here,” his father intoned, voice low. “You’ll represent the family, not yourself. Don’t let your eyes wander where they shouldn’t.”

Soonyoung’s jaw tightens. “I wasn’t planning to cause trouble.

“You never plan it. It just happens.”

Soonyoung’s mother exhales, laughing. “He’s sixteen, Jaehwan. Not a Sword yet. Let him breathe.”

“He’ll be a Sword soon enough.” He hesitates, and then softens, turning from the window to look at Soonyoung. “And I know you don’t make trouble. You’ll make a fine Sword.”

It’s as good of a compliment as any. It isn’t that Kwon Jaehwan is cold or mean to Soonyoung - he’s quiet and a bit distant, but he makes his pride known. Most of Soonyoung’s friends have awful fathers - he shivers thinking about Vernon’s - and parents who pay them little mind. All things considered with the Sentinel’s position, he should be a worse father.

But he’s not. It makes Soonyoung admire him, even when he’s afraid of him. Kwon Jaehwan is a respected man who commands loyalty, fear and admiration all in one fell swoop. It’s why your father made him the Sentinel of the Syndicate after he took over.

The Choi Estate rises from the mountain like a citadel forged from obsidian and light. Soonyoung sees it only for a moment before it vanishes in the inky, dark green of trees and rain. The walls of the estate are high and guarded, and there’s a heavier security presence at the guard house at the gate tonight than usual.

When the driver rolls down the window, the security team realizes it’s the Sentinel immediately. Soonyoung expects to be waved right through, but under the scrutiny of the Sentinel, each sword carries out their full duties, searching around the car with a dog, checking the trunk, and the underneath of the car.

Jaehwan’s mouth twitches, unbothered by the formality of it all. He trained these men and women to be thorough - even with him.

They’re waved through and the car crawls through the gate as it opens. Soonyoung has been to the Choi Estate hundreds of times - he's here almost every day. It’s still just as imposing as always, a dense network of tropical plants and jungle hiding random offshoot roads that lead to smaller guest houses and a winding gravel road that eventually ends up at the main house.

The main house in question rises up in all its grandeur against the night sky. All four stories of windows are lit up, making the house glow with ethereal gold. Dozens of cars line the curving driveway, valets running back and forth from the steps to park cars as guests pour inside.

An attendant with an umbrella opens the door to the car, escorting Soonyoung with an umbrella over his head. It feels strange to be catered to like this. Typically, it’s him doing this kind of stuff. But tonight he’s a guest, and he’s supposed to be treated like a guest, even if he throws an awkward wave to the young Swords of the family that he played video games with a few days ago.

Inside the main house is a wonderland. Chandeliers of molten glass hang above, walls of shifting holo-silk, guards hiding in the shadows in matte black. He can sense the electricity of the party, eyes catching as servers dressed in shifting colors of silver and white walk around, making it look like there are ghosts moving about the home.

Soonyoung follows his mother and father through the crowd. People part for his father like water on rock, spilling to the side and bowing their heads as he goes. He’s respectful about it, greeting those he knows well with a few words, nodding to those he’s unfamiliar with. The Sentinel is a guest tonight, but it’s obvious he’s still on duty - he always is.

There are two ballrooms in the Choi manor, but they’re in the main one tonight. As soon as they walk into the gilded double doors, Soonyoung’s father murmurs to his wife and kisses her on the cheek before departing to find the Tower. He gives Soonyoung a single look that means watch your mother, which Soonyoung happily accepts.

After you, his mother is his everything.

Turning to Soonyoung, his mother touches his lapel, straightening it with practiced hands. “Just you and me. Don’t disappear. Let me show you off first.” He smirks and rolls his eyes but she laughs, kissing him on the cheek. “You look handsome tonight. Come on.”

Inside, the ballroom feels alive with power. Soonyoung isn’t used to being in a room with the full suite of Syndicate powers. The Tower is here, and with him, the gravity of his family commands everything. Seungcheol is near his father, tall and steady, a living shadow of the Tower’s authority. He nods at Soonyoung when he sees him followed by a wink that means they’ll talk later.

Vernon threads through the crowd, briefly catching Soonyoung’s eyes. He nods but is caught up as his girlfriend passes him, her hand catching his as they trail after Yoon Minji, the Wisdom of the Choi Syndicate. Soonyoung tries not to shiver. Of all the people he’s afraid of, Minji might be somewhere near the top of his list - Jeonghan’s mother is formidable.

As promised, Soonyoung’s mother shows him off. She catches up with old friends, her armed linked with Soonyoung as he escorts her. Her job here is to be a socialite and accept niceties with her fine, young son on her arm. His job is to dote on his mother and accept the compliments on his father’s behalf.

It’s a dance he’s familiar with.

While his mother speaks to Lee Yeonseo, the head litigator of the Choi Syndicate’s personal family firm, Soonyoung’s eyes wander. It’s not that he’s not interested in the conversation - he is entirely fascinated by the fact that there is an entire armada of lawyers dedicated to Choi family matters, especially the Lee family who all dedicate themselves as personal litigators for the Tower and his family. But he’s tired and he hasn’t seen you yet and -

He spots you across the room. You’re unmistakable. Even in a room packed with wealth and glittering decoration, you draw the eye effortlessly. You’re in a black dress, the cut sharp and deliberate. Your laughter cuts through the party and Soonyoung’s heart begins to race. He feels the familiar ache for you bloom, an obsession he has not managed to tamper.

You’re here, and he can’t approach you. Not right now, anyway. He wants to close the distance, to reach for your slipping sleeve or to tuck the loose strands of hair back into place behind your ear, but the crowd of people and the knowing flick of his mother’s eyes keeps him rooted to the spot.

So Soonyoung stands there, chest tight, anchoring himself to the conversation and counting down the minutes until he can find a way to slip away and make his way over to you.

Just as Soonyoung begins to turn away, you glance toward him. For a heartbeat, the world stops. He sees the way you light up, excited to see him. You don’t stop your conversation, but yours eyes stay on him, a smile spreading across your face, nose crinkling in that familiar way.

“Don’t.”

Soonyoung flinches to notice his father has slipped up behind him. “I didn’t do anything.”

“You don’t need to,” the Sentinel says, sharp and cutting. “The Tower’s daughter is not for you.”

“She’s not for anyone. She’s for herself.”

His father studies him before signing. “You think so?”

Silence. Soonyoung doesn’t know what to say. Soonyoung would never dream of you being his - unless you wanted him to be. He can’t imagine that you do, but if. If keeps him up at night. If keeps him asking how high every time you tell him to jump. If makes him so lovesick that sometimes he can barely stand it.

“You’ve got your mother’s heart,” his father says finally, voice softening. “Too full. Learn to guard it, or someone will use it to cut you open, Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung swallows, jaw tight. He nods, turning away from you to pretend to key in to the conversation his mother is having. He can’t stop thinking about you, though. The sound of your laughter. The way you play the part of the beautiful daughter of the Tower so well when he knows you’d rather be lounging somewhere on property with a cigarette and ganging up on Chan with Angel.

The conversation at hand fades. Soonyoung senses the shift of power as he turns his head a fraction of an inch to see the Tower approaching. You’re right behind him, grinning at Soonyoung like the cat that ate the canary. He swallows past a lump in his throat, glancing at your father who greets Soonyoung’s family warmly.

“Soonyoung!” The Tower says, voice low but banished. “It’s good to see you.”

Soonyoung bows respectfully, keeping his eyes down. “Tower. It’s an honor.”

“You’re so much taller than I remember you.” The Tower looks at your mother and shakes his head. “He is handsome as the devil. I hear he’s smart, too. A little bit of a temper - reminds me of Seungcheol - but that’s okay. We need that.”

A faint flush crawls up Soonyoung’s neck. You slide up next to your father, leaning on your tip toes to press a quick kiss to Soonyoung’s mother’s cheek. “My mother is looking for you in the billiards room. They’re playing protocol.”

“Ah! She told me she got me a new set of tiles. Will you show me where the billiards room is again, sweet?”

“Let the boy show you,” Jaehwan says. “He knows where it is.”

The Tower laughs and claps Soonyoung on the back. “Keep your mother safe on the way, yeah? You’re gonna make a good man one day, Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung’s father hums. “He is.”

Sighing, Soonyoung holds an arm out to his mother. He was hoping to steal you away. It’s obvious you’d meant to do the same, but just as his mother says her goodbyes to the Tower, you tilt your head toward the west terrace garden. He quirks a brow and you grin, turning away from him as you ask his father something.

Biting his smile back, Soonyoung leads his mother to the billiards room. She knows where it is - she’s been here a million times. The ploy was no doubt for his mother to get you alone to herself so she could talk to the girl that Soonyoung is so obviously in love with, but thankfully, Soonyoung’s father didn’t want that.

After he drops his mother in the billiards room and greets all of the women with their clove cigarettes and gushing compliments, he escapes the crush of guests to find you again. You’re in the terrace garden as expected, shielded from the nonstop rain by a glass dome that turns each drop into suspended silver.

You sit on a bench, propped backward with one hand as you crane your neck to look at the rain on the glass. You have a champagne flute in the other, the drink sparkling with the low light of the glowing stones on the path through the garden.

He approaches quietly but you sense him anyway, turning to grin at him. “That was fast. I thought the old women would keep you longer.”

He snorts. “They tried.”

“Can you blame them? You look all brooding and serious tonight.”

“Have you met my father?”

“I quite love the Sentinel.”

He snorts again and sits down next to you. You offer him a sip of your champagne and he shakes his head. He tries not to go stiff when you shift so that you’re leaning against him, the weight barely there but enough to send his pulse racing. “Dad is serious about me being in line tonight.”

“Same. It’s exhausting.”

Soonyoung hums. The words hover between you. The two of you are from the same world and yet sometimes he can’t help like he’s worlds apart. When he was younger and he realized how serious your role was within your family’s hierarchy, he dreamed himself a prince to steal you away and take you somewhere you could do anything but be the serious, loyal daughter of the Tower.

He still wishes that for you sometimes. He wonders if your family knows that you like to paint. Or that you’re really good with numbers and that your talent is wasted on playing socialite. He wonders if they know that artwork makes you cry, and at more than one gala in the past few years he’s caught you wiping away tears over staring at an old painting.

You’ll never get to be the girl who paints or wanders galleries alone, but Soonyoung wishes he could give that to you.

“You’re too quiet,” you tease him, nudging his shoulder with your own.

“I don’t need to be noticed tonight.”

“Well. Lucky for you, I’ve noticed you. You look handsome.”

He swallows the lump in his throat. You have no fucking idea what it does to him when you say that. He knows that it doesn’t mean anything - not in the way that he wants it to. What you mean is that you notice him because you notice everything. You’re smart for a fifteen year old, and if someone let you, you’d be able to run the Choi Syndicate one day.

That, though, is Seungcheol’s future job.

Noticing is in your nature. In fact, it’s what makes you so good at talking to people and moving in gossip circles. He wishes he had an ounce of your subtlety, and maybe his parents wouldn’t know how over the moon for you he is.

“I hate when you’re quiet,” you murmur.

“I’m still loud. There’s just a time and a place now.”

“I suppose you're right.”

You both let the quiet settle while the part hums behind the glass. The rain drums its rhythm, steady and silver, a world apart from the chaos inside the party. Soonyoung likes this. The silence doesn’t feel heavy, and he senses the soft shift as you tilt your glass back for another sip, your head tilting against his shoulder.

And then, inevitably, Seungcheol’s voice cuts through the terrace, sharp and precise. You straighten and move away from Soonyoung immediately as Seungcheol enters the terrace. He looks relieved only for a split second before his gaze leaves his sister to Soonyoung.

Seungcheol’s eyes darken. Soonyoung says nothing as you stand, sighing dramatically as you ask your brother what now? Seungcheol is here for you, but his eyes are on Soonyoung, narrowing a fraction. Seungcheol is one of Soonyoung’s best friends, but the Tower’s son has finally shifted from the cocky cool kid to the broody, astute teenager he’s expected to be.

And he’s become especially protective over his little sister.

“I’ll see you later?” you ask.

Soonyoung nods and gives you a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. He won’t but that’s okay. “You look lovely, by the way.”

You grin over your shoulder as you skip over to your brother. “Bye, Soonyoung.”

He watches you go, chest tight, every instinct screaming at him to follow you. Seungcheol’s stare keeps him rooted to the bench, though. Your brother vanishes behind you, leaving Soonyoung underneath the glass dome alone with nothing but the rain and the distant hum of the party.

The terrace is where his father finds him. Soonyoung glances up as his dad walks in, carrying a wave of silence with him. His dad’s footsteps are silent as he walks over, sliding his hands in his pocket.

“Still out here?”

“It’s quieter.”

His father gives him a knowing look. “The girl was out here.”

“She lives here.”

Eventually, he sighs. “You fight like me, but you love like your mother. It’ll save you one day. Unless it kills you first.”

Soonyoung closes his eyes, feeling every word land heavy, grounding him even as longing twists tight inside. Rain hums above, silver light refracting through the dome, endless. For some reason, he feels like that little boy who used to cry all the time again, the sudden twist in his throat, the telltale feeling of an emotion he doesn’t know what to do with.

“Come on, son. Let’s go home.”

-

The streetlights smear neon across slick asphalt as Soonyoung navigates the empty mountain road, tires splashing through puddles. His chest tightens with each passing second, a knot of dread forming. He is two hours past curfew. On a week night. His mother is going to kill him. Worse, she’s probably going to tell his father and he’s going to kill him.

Soonyoung’s phone died two hours ago - he knows it’s not an excuse. His mother won’t care that Vernon and Chan are bullshit at tracking time, and it won’t matter that they were just playing video games. All that matters is that Soonyoung has broken the rules, and he knows better than to break his mother’s rules.

The Kwon Estate is smaller than the Choi’s by a mile, but it’s still large. It rises like a phantom against the night, black walls etched with faint gold inlays. The gates are closed and silent, but with the press of a button, they roll open for Soonyoung’s car.

Unlike the Choi family, they don’t have active security here. There is an alarm system and advanced measures and a wonderful guard dog that is probably asleep in Soonyoung’s bed, but beyond that, the Sentinel and his son are enough to defend the home.

Both of his parents’ cars are in the garage when he parks. Of course they are. It’s just past two in the morning. His father is usually out later than this, but why wouldn’t he be home on the single night that Soonyoung breaks curfew and needs to have his ass chewed out.

Getting out the car, he hustles to the door adjoining the main house. He pauses when he gets there, hand hovering over the handle. He listens for sound and hears nothing. He’s not exactly sure what he’s listening for - his mom will be asleep and his dad is probably waiting in his study for him to get home.

Something nags at him, though. His chest hammers and he shakes his head. Calm. Just be calm. There’s nothing wrong and you’ve been out all night.

He steps inside, eyes scanning. Nothing is wrong inside. He sags, a little annoyed with himself as he crosses through the kitchen, grabbing a tangerine as he goes. He knows his own anxiety at the punishment that awaits is eating at him, but he can’t help it.

Toeing off his shoes at the door, he jogs to the stairs that leads up to the bedrooms. He takes them two at a time. He gets to the second landing, turning to go to his bedroom, but he pauses. His parents’ room is on the opposite end of the hall, door slightly cracked. That makes him frown.

Soonyoung considers going to his room to shower before facing his father. He should. That is the sensible thing to do. But the opened door doesn’t sit right with him, and the idea that something might be wrong is too much for him to just go to his room.

He moves toward their room instead, steps careful and deliberate. Each step feels too loud in the quiet, his pulse hammering in his ears. He hates the way suddenly, everything feels too loud. Too staticky. He swallows past the lump in his throat as he reaches their door, reaching out a hand to push it open.

A nightmare waits for him.

Soonyoung’s father lies sprawled across the bed. His eyes are open, expression frozen in shock. There’s a gash at his throat, neat and clean. No struggle visible, no chaotic blood spray. It’s deliberate. Pointed. A professional’s work. Bile rises in Soonyoung’s throat as he swivels.

The tangerine in his hand hits the floor.

He doesn’t even register his mother at first. He forces himself to step into the room and the scent of copper hits him, iron-rich with a soft undercut of familiar perfume. She’s sprawled next to his father, half under the cover, one hand curled under her cheek like she had been rising from bed. The other dangles limp - she hadn’t even made it to turn the lamp on.

His mother. The woman who held him when he cried, who laughed until his chest hurt, who scolded him when he ran headlong into danger.

Soonyoung’s ears start to ring. He feels his heartbeat like it is a living, raging thing, pounding in his chest so loudly that he can barely hear his own heightened breathing as he rushes over, hands shaking.

“No,” he whispers. His knees buckle as he drops to the floor, crawling toward his mother. “No, no, no.”

He presses his fingers against her face, brushing darkened strands of her hair from her cheek. They crackle under his touch - dried blood, he realized. Her cheek is freezing. Too cold. His vision narrows, focusing only on her. His chest begins to heave, lungs burning as panic threatens to overwhelm him.

“Mom,” he works out, voice cracking. “Mom it’s okay. Mom.”

Soonyoung’s mother doesn’t move. He leans forward, cradling her head against his shoulders. Tears burn his eyes. His father’s body presses against his vision, a background detail he cannot process yet. His mother. His mother. He can’t breathe, can’t think. Every instinct honed for violence and for danger fails him in the face of his mother’s death.

Right now, he isn’t the son of the Sentinel, the man who reacts. Right now, he’s the son of Kwon Aejeong, the boy that cries.

Grief paralyzes him. He bites his lip, tasting blood. His fingers dig into the fabric of her nightgown, desperate for a connection, for warmth that isn’t there. She’s gone. He knows it. But he doesn’t know what to do now.

Somewhere, thunder rolls in the distance. It makes his head snap up, but he’s alone in the house. Alone. The house is utterly still. He realizes he should call someone. The Tower. Anyone. But his hands are shaking too violently to hold a phone steady.

Soonyoung takes a deep breath and turns to the nightstand. His hands are shaking when he sees his mother’s phone. He can barely get the holoscreen to light up, hands shaking so much he can barely type out the only phone number that comes to mind.

His breaths come in short, harsh gaps, matching the pulse pounding in his temples.

“Hello?” Your voice is rough with sleep.

“Baby.”

“Soonyoung? What phone number is this?”

“You have to…” He stammers, voice cracking. “I need. I don’t know what to do.”

“Soonyoung what’s wrong?” He can hear the sudden focus in your voice. He wishes he felt as calm. “Soonyoung, talk to me.”

“They… my parents.”

“The Tower is coming.” He can hear you on the other line screaming for your brother. “Stay put, Soonyoung. Are you safe?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay. Stay on the phone with me-” You get cut off, voice muffled. “- tell daddy something is wrong at the Kwon Estate. Get Vernon, we’re going.” More muffled sounds and then you’re talking to him, “Don’t move, okay?”

He swallows, nodding even though you can’t see him. “I can’t move.”

“That's okay, Soonyoung. Stay with me,” you insist. “Don’t leave me, okay? Help is coming.”

Soonyoung leans over his mother again, curling around her small body. He presses his forehead to her hair, the scent faintly clinging. He cannot hold back the sobs anymore. They erupt, violent and ragged, spilling over all his other instinct to try and calm himself down.

He rocks her gently, whispering her name over and over, as if saying it enough might bring her back. His father’s presence looms at the edge of his mind, stern and disapproving in life, now just another cold body to grieve beside.

“I’m here.” Soonyoung glances at the phone in his hand. The call is still connected, your calm voice a tether to reality. “I’m not leaving you, Soonyoung. It’s okay.”

“I was supposed to be here. I could have-”

“No, Soonyoung. Don’t.” He sniffs, nodding. “Just breathe, okay? I'm right here.”

He breathes. He cradles his mother, his body trembling. He whispers apologies and small, frantic words that make no sense. Outside, it starts to rain, a relentless drum against the windows, the world carrying on as though nothing has happened. Yet here in this room, his universe has shattered.

He fights to stay upright, to breathe, to keep some semblance of control. But the sobs continue, echoing in the empty house, a primal sound he cannot contain. His father’s body lies beside her, and he finally allows himself to glance, to mourn the man who was both Sentinel and tyrant, stern but protective.

Gone.

The thread of your voice keeps him tethered, keeps him from unraveling completely. But the room smells of blood and perfume, and he realizes nothing will be the same after this.

Engines and the low rumble of tires on the driveway breaks the heavy silence. Soonyoung lifts his head slightly, ears straining, heart thudding. Floodlights swing across the estate grounds, cutting through the shadows of the house.

Footsteps thunder through the home. Soonyoung doesn’t move, watching as lights turn on and figures flood the bedroom, the Tower among them. He’s flanked by several Swords, guns out and masks on.

Soonyoung doesn’t move. Doesn’t speak. His hands still rest lightly on his mother, fingers gripping the fabric of her nightgown. He feels dizzy. Distant. The world seems to have only narrowed to the two bodies on the bed, the smell of blood, the racing of his pulse.

“Soonyoung.” The Tower’s voice cuts through the din. “I need you to come over here.”

He swallows, nodding once, almost imperceptibly. No words come. Nothing seems real yet. His body moves on autopilot, obeying the ritual he’s been drilled in his whole life: step aside, let the leader take control. But the shock makes him mute, a frozen boy in the ruins of his own home.

Footsteps echo in the hall. Soonyoung’s peripheral vision catches movement. The Swords swivel, guns raised at the intrusion but then the Tower yells to hold. Vernon and Chan appear first, face pale in the flood of light. You’re right behind them, hair wet from the rain, eyes wide. Vernon and Chan hesitate but you don’t, crashing through them as you move straight toward Soonyoung.

“No,” the Tower snaps at you. “Leave. Now. This isn’t your place.”

You ignore your father. You reach Soonyoung, sliding into the space beside him, wrapping your arms around him without hesitation. Soonyoung blinks, stunned, as the contact jolts him out of the haze just enough to register the press of your body against his. You’re warm. Not cold, like the bodies on the bed.

“Come with us,” you whisper, tugging. He doesn’t move at first. “Don’t. Come with us. With me.”

“I can’t…”

Vernon appears next to you. He reaches out a hand, grabbing Soonyoung’s forearm. Vernon’s hand is warm and sure, squeezing. “Come with us.”

The Tower steps forward, rigid, fists clenched, voice like steel. “I said-”

“We’re leaving,” you snap back. Your father seems ready to argue, but Seungcheol appears, a real adult the tower can trust. You tighten your hold on Soonyoung and swivel him toward the door. “We’re taking him with us. We’ll go downstairs.”

Soonyoung leans into you, unsteady, shaking, mute except for the occasional ragged intake of breath. He closes his eyes for a moment, letting your presence anchor him. He lets you and Vernon pull him toward the door where Chan is waiting, pale faced and hand outstretched to receive the three of you.

The four of you herd him downstairs, the rain continuing its steady percussion against the glass. Like you promised, you take Soonyoung to the living room. Vernon presses a cold bottle of water to Soonyoung’s neck, relief flooding through him as Chan uncaps water and forces Soonyoung to drink. Seungcheol stands in the corner, half tuned in to what they're saying upstairs and half shielding the three of you from view, fingers twitching.

And you? You hold him through it all. Fierce. Refusing to let go.

His entire world. The only thing in the world that he has left.

-

It’s gray and cold the day Soonyoung buries his parents. The grounds are crowded, faces blurring into a sea of solemn expressions and whispered condolences. It’s all fucking meaningless. Soonyoung sits rigid, shoulders squared, hands clasped tight. No tears come.

He’ll never cry again.

Every gaze that lands on him makes him want to scream. They expect him to react to their sympathy, to do something. He doesn’t bother. His grief is his, not anyone else's. The boy who once would have openly shown his pain is dead.

Fury simmers under his ribs, dark and violent. It coils in him like an ugly, hungry thing, hardening his muscle and sharpening the tension in his shoulders. The only thing that keeps him from blacking out in fury is your warm hand wrapped in his. It’s familiar and solid, an anchor in the sea of his rage.

Death and murder is not a stranger in the Syndicate. Until now, though, Soonyoung always considered himself untouchable. His father was the Sentinel, the highest ranking heavy in one of the most powerful families in the city. Murdered unsuspectingly with his wife by an out-of-town hit man paid for by a low level Syndicate that didn’t even matter.

Had it been one of the Kim or Yong families, it might have started a war. But this was an insult. A no one who managed to sneak up on the fucking Sentinel on sheer dumb luck.

It fills Soonyoung with equal parts shame and hate.

He grips your hand like iron. He’s sure your hand is going numb by now, but you don’t ask him to let go or soften his grip. You suffer with him, the only one allowed to share his grief. To see the storm raging underneath. You’re in this moment with him, the only piece of his life that matters anymore.

The Tower glances at your hand in his. Soonyoung doesn’t flinch. He stares right back at the Tower, daring him to say something. Soonyoung doesn’t care what the Tower thinks anymore, and if he wants to take his daughter away from Soonyoung, he can try.

Today, the Tower decides it isn’t worth it.

Hands reach toward Soonyoung, names and faces he cannot remember whispering condolences. He doesn’t respond. You navigate the ritual for him, bowing and nodding, accepting respect and sympathy on his behalf. You are his shield, an interpreter in a world that no longer makes sense to him.

Time stretches. Faces blur. The ceremony moves on, but Soonyoung remains rigid. Coiled tight. The last guest departs. The gates close. Silence descends like a weight. Soonyoung does not loosen his grip on you. He does not look at the empty rooms, the cold beds. The house is a tomb, but you are solid, warm, alive. The only thing real.

He leans slightly, just enough to rest his forehead against the top of your head. Your warmth is steady against his chest, your hand entwined with his, and for the first time in hours, he lets himself breathe a little.

In the hush of the empty room, Soonyoung’s heart pounds. He loves you. He loves you more than anything else in the world. Fiercely. Silently. Entirely.

He doesn’t say it. He doesn’t need to. His love for you is his burden to bear, not yours. His fingers tighten around yours just slightly, and the weight of that small connection between you is good enough for him. Any scrap you give him, he’ll take.

For now, he’s in love with you, and it’s enough.

-

The training room thrums with the low beat of synth. Sweat glints along Soonyoung’s collarbone, his veins bright beneath skin. The neon strips on the ceiling pulse in time with the music, the screen on the far wall displaying vitals as he punches the training dummy in front of him until he can’t feel his hands anymore.

Soonyoung is keenly aware of Seungcheol and Vernon watching him. He ignores them, breathing out sharply between his teeth as he jabs at the dummy, hitting it hard enough to send it careening. Soonyoung gulps down a few breaths of air as he walks over to it and rights it, shaking out his hands before squaring up to attack his fake enemy again.

Seungcheol’s shadow cuts through the red glow of neon. “We should talk.”

“Why?”

Once upon a time, Soonyoung would have never dreamed of speaking to Seungcheol this way. Seungcheol is going to rule the Syndicate one day, and Soonyoung is supposed to take his side as his most trusted shield. Right now, it doesn’t feel that way. He feels irritation at Seungcheol’s presence, knowing where this conversation is going to go.

He’s known it since last night.

Soonyoung couldn’t help himself. Hearing that you were going to one of your mother’s galas with a date had set him off in a bad way. Picking fights didn’t used to be Soonyoung’s thing, but lately it’s all he feels like he’s good at doing. Plus, the kid he’d fucked up was a bully anyway and had been giving Seungkwan trouble from Soonyoung’s understanding.

He deserved the cracked orbital Soonyoung gave him.

“You need to tell me what’s going on with my sister.”

Soonyoung stills. He keeps his gaze straight forward, the flicker of red across his hands like neon blood. “There’s nothing going on.”

“Let me be clearer, then: what’s going on with you as it relates to my sister?”

“We’re friends.”

“Bullshit.” Seungcheol’s tone sharpens. Soonyoung hears the Tower in Seungcheol’s voice. He has half a mind to be proud. “You think I don’t see it? Every time Baby is near you, you stop breathing. Every time someone else is near her, you look ready to tear them apart. You sent some fuck ass to a hospital yesterday because you were jealous.”

“I sent that fucker to the hospital because he was pushing around Seungkwan who is four years younger than him.”

“Don’t fucking lie to me.”

Vernon exhales and comes over. He reaches to grab Seungcheol’s shoulder. “Cheol-”

“No,” Seungcheol snaps, shaking Vernon off. “He needs to hear this. It’s not just any girl we’re talking about. It’s my sister. The Tower’s daughter. The one person in this world I will not let your obsession damage.”

Obsession. Soonyoung hates the way Seungcheol says it. He makes the love Soonyoung have for you seem like a curse. Maybe it is. But Soonyoung would rather die than let anyone hurt you - doesn’t Seungcheol see that? Doesn’t he understand that you’re the only thing in Soonyoung’s life that feels clean?

“You think I’d ever hurt her?” Soonyoung asks, voice low.

“That’s not what I’m afraid of,” Seungcheol scoffs. “I’m afraid of what others will do because she’s important to you. She’s the daughter of the Tower. The sister of the future Tower. She already has a target on her back. But you? You’re a future Sentinel. Your future is promised in blood and written in violence, and your attachment to her makes her vulnerable in ways I never could.”

Seungcheol steps so close that Soonyoung can smell the cologne lingering under sweat. Seungcheol is only a little taller than him now, but he’s broad. Thick in the arms. He’s a good fighter, but he’s refined in a way that Soonyoung isn’t. Soonyoung knows refinement can be a weakness.

He immediately feels shame for the way he calculates the probability of beating the son of the Tower in a fight. He can’t help it, though. He’s been programmed from a young age to read every threat, and right now, Seungcheol is tracing his fingers along Soonyoung’s fight or flight instinct.

“You know exactly what the threat of being a Sentinel brings.” Seungcheol glares. “You’ve lived it.”

Vernon hisses Seungcheol’s name but Soonyoung doesn’t hear it. All he hears is the hammering of his pulse in his ears as the room narrows to a focus. Flashes of his mothers face splash across his memory. How cold she was. How she hadn’t even made it out of bed. The way her perfume lingered, mingling with iron.

Soonyoung’s stomach roils. The room feels smaller, like the walls are pressing in. He takes a step away from Seungcheol. Vernon’s saying something to Seungcheol, low and steady, but it’s static against the roar in Soonyoung’s skull.

You’ve lived it.

The words loop. He has lived it. He’s lived what being the Sentinel’s son means, what it costs to guard the Tower. He’s lived seeing his father give his life over to the Syndicate to keep it going. His mother and father both had died for that kind of devotion.

Soonyoung’s mother only died for being married to his father. Soonyoung knows that. It was the risk she had taken when saying her vows when they got married. In love and in death. She probably always knew that the reason for her death would be the man she was married to.

A man that Soonyoung is supposed to become.

“Soonyoung.” Vernon’s voice cuts through the buzz. “He didn’t mean-”

“Yes, he did.” Soonyoung’s voice is unrecognizable. He drags a hand through his hair and lets out a shaky breath. “He’s right.”

“I didn’t say it to hurt you.”

Somehow, that hurts worse. Hearing Seungcheol’s deflated voice is worse than if the Tower’s son had been trying to hurt his feelings. He knows that he wasn’t, though. Seungcheol loves you the way an older brother should. He gives you trouble, he picks on you, but he’s protective. Shields you. Is a steady bulwark for you in the chaos that is your life.

It is Seungcheol’s job to tell Soonyoung the truth, and the truth is that Soonyoung can’t love you. At least, not the way he has been.

“I know exactly what my future is, Seungcheol.” Soonyoung’s voice comes out clipped. His heart rate enters the red zone on the wall, flickering as it climbs. “I know the violence. The blood. The way people look at me - you look at me - like I’m an animal almost feral. I already know.”

Seungcheol’s jaw tightens. He looks like he wants to argue, but Vernon cuts in first, stepping between them again. “Hey. Enough. Both of you.” His tone is softer, calmer. “All Seungcheol is saying is that you need to be more subtle. He’s not asking you to get over your feelings just... The entire world can’t know, okay?”

Soonyoung stares at Vernon, then at Seungcheol. His throat is dry, his body vibrating with something too close to grief. He moves to the side of the room and sits down on the edge of the mat. The cool floor bites through his sweat-soaked shirt. His heart’s still hammering, but slower now, an ache instead of a sprint.

“I just want her to be safe.”

Vernon comes to sit down next to him. “We know.”

Seungcheol runs a hand over his face. “Just be better about hiding it. I’m not asking you to stop loving her. I don’t think you could, and frankly, that kind of devotion means you’ll choose to protect her over anyone else. I need that. Just. Do better. You have to.”

Soonyoung doesn’t answer. The silence stretches until Vernon stands and claps Seungcheol on the shoulder, pulling him toward the door with a muttered let him cool off. When the door shuts, the room falls still.

He sits there for a long time, breathing in the smell of the cleaner that mists through the ceiling to de-sanitize the room the sweat on his skin. His knuckles are split and bruised, blood welling in tiny beads along the ridge of bone. He flexes his hand and feels the sting, the blood weeping down his fingers.

For a moment, he pictures you - the curve of your smile, the light in your voice, the way you say his name like it means something soft instead of sharp. It calms him down like it always does. He lays back on the mat, staring up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes as he replays Seungcheol’s words in his head over and over again.

You’ve lived it. You’ve lived it. You’ve lived it.

Seungcheol’s words are all Soonyoung can think about as he leaves the training room and goes to his own bedroom. He’s taken up residence at the Choi Estate now, and living down the hall from you is torture. Vernon and Seungcheol’s rooms are between you, thankfully, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not divine suffering when Soonyoung sees you walk by at night in pajamas or sees you first thing in the morning.

Hot water sluices down his back. He closes his eyes, trying to erase the haunting memory of his parents’ bodies. The Tower’s wife had recommended therapy for Soonyoung, but the Tower had scoffed at that. Blood and violence was something that Soonyoung needed to get used to. Therapy was never going to help him.

Children of the Syndicate were promised a life of violence. He was better off than most because his family was so high ranking, but he knew the lower down the rung you got, the worse it was. He thinks about Angel, whose mother tried to kill her as a child. Only Vernon intervening had saved her life. He thinks about Vernon, whose father had tried to end his life. Angel had returned Vernon’s favor and taken the life of a well-equipped Sword when she was barely a teenager.

Soonyoung has been lucky. The only death he’s seen is his parents. It was enough to kill the soft boy inside of him though, replaced with something that longs to feel. That wants to hurt just to make sure he isn’t numb.

Hair damp and still shaken, he throws himself into a computer chair after his shower. His hand still hurt, but he wants the mindlessness of video games to try and take his mind off the pressing ache of earlier.

Fate doesn’t feel the same way. He hears the knock on the door just before he puts his headphones on, and he already knows who it is. No one else knocks that gently. He stands up to let you in, but you’re already slipping into the door, leaving it open behind you.

Panic and desire crash together in his chest. Panic because you had to pass Seungcheol’s room to get here, desire because you’re dressed in thin pajamas that make him lose his fucking mind, and because he can smell the vanilla perfume on your skin and in your hair.

“I have a favor to ask,” you murmur.

Soonyoung frowns. You’re twisting your fingers together, shifting from foot to foot. You won’t meet his eye, even when he arches his brow and ducks his head to try and catch your gaze. It makes him a little nervous.

“What is it? Why are you so nervous?”

“It’s a weird favor.”

“Are you going to ask me to hide a body?”

“What? No!”

He smirks. You’re cute when you’re annoyed. “Then it’s not that weird of a favor.”

“Fine. I want you to kiss me.”

Soonyoung’s smirk vanishes. He’s glad he’s not in the training room still, or you’d see the way his heart rate enters the red zone immediately.

“You want me to do what?” He’s half delirious, half terrified of the request. He pulls you closer into the room and shuts the door behind you, heart thundering. “Where is your brother?”

You frown. “I have no idea.”

Soonyoung swears under his breath. He moves away from you, trying to put space between you. The room is dim, lit only by the glow of the AetherLink behind him, a frozen streak of color over his bedroom walls. It paints you in a blue light, making you look ethereal - like the angel he thought you were as a child.

“You can’t just-” he sighs, lowering his voice. “Did he see you come in here?”

“Why are you being weird? I’m in here all the time. You live here.”

He laughs once, sharp and hollow. “I’m being weird? You just asked me to kiss you. Neither your brother nor your dad want you in my room in the middle of the night.”

“Since when? Look, I’m sixteen and I’ve never been kissed, and Lin just lost her virginity to Jeonghan. What happened to when I say jump you say how high?”

“Oh, don’t start with me. Who cares if Lin is giving it up to Jeonghan? She blew Wonwoo like two weeks ago. It’s not a competition.”

Soonyoung hates Lin. She’s the daughter of one of the high up Chariots which makes her important enough to be in your circle of friends, but she’s a shit starter. It was Lin who had suggested you take a date to the gala, and it was Lin who often tried to poke fun at Soonyoung’s proximity to you.

He fucking hated her.

The look on your face makes him wince. You fold in on yourself, arms crossing your chest, shrinking in the blue light of his room like you want to disappear. It makes his chest ache - he doesn’t know what you want from him, exactly. He doesn’t know the right thing to say, but he wants to.

You have no idea what you just asked of him, though. You’ll never know how much he’s wanted the press of your mouth against his, the ghost of your breath against his skin. He’s spent years learning to hold his love for you in his fists until it cuts him, and here you are asking him to kiss you not because you love him, but because you don’t want to be outpaced.

He watches your throat work, watches the tremor of emotion building behind your eyes. You turn away before he can stop you. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

Guilt crashes through him. He doesn’t know why, but your feelings are hurt. Girls are complicated and though he understands you better than most of them, the hurt that flashes across your face and the telltale sound of tears in your throat make him crumble.

“Baby-”

You try to bolt. Reflex takes over and he snatches your arm before you can escape him, dragging you back toward him. The instinct to soothe your pain and do whatever you ask of him overrides everything else.

“Don’t be like that,” he murmurs.

“I’m not being like anything. It was a stupid favor to ask.”

He groans. You refuse to look at him, leaning away to hide your shame. “Would you look at me?”

“No.”

He exhales through his nose, trying to keep calm. “Why are you being so difficult?”

This is the version of you he knows best. Defiant. Stubborn. Outspoken. You’re not like this for anyone else because you’re not allowed to be, but this is the you he loves the most. The one who refuses to tell him whatever is wrong because you don’t want to. It makes him love you more.

It makes him think of the time you tackled Angel when you were kids because she had punched Seungcheol. You’d been far less refined then, a little terror that made the Tower laugh and tell everyone you had your mother’s fire. You still do - he sees it now as you try to tug away from him - but there’s that Choi mountain coldness to you too.

You twist in his grip, still trying to pull free, but he doesn’t let you. “Well, if I’m so difficult, then let me go.”

“Baby.”

“Just let me go.”

“No.” The word comes out before he can stop it. “Why do you want me to kiss you?”

You flinch, the sound of your embarrassment sharp enough to make him wince. “Forget I even asked, just let me go!”

Soonyoung hears the crack in your voice and he panics. “Fuck - are you crying?”

“No!”

You’re definitely crying and he groans. “Baby, look at me.”

When you refuse, something inside of him snaps. He pulls you to him, harder this time. You make a startled noise and before he can remember how stupid this is, he presses his mouth to yours. The world goes absolutely quiet around the two of you, even the pounding of his own heart distant.

Your lips are tentative, but when you lean into him, his resolve snaps entirely. He presses in closer, the scent of your vanilla and skin flooding his senses. He feels like his blood is on fire as you grow a little more confident, pressing your lips firmer to his.

Soonyoung has kissed girls before. He imagined every single one of them was you. This is nothing like that, though. It feels like his first time taking frostbyte, a high so quick and powerful that he cannot imagine letting you go.

But he has to. All you asked for was a kiss to even the score with your friends, and he’s done that. You don’t need anything else - don’t want anything else from him. So he pulls back, looking down at you. Your eyes flutter open and his heart squeezes. He’s close enough to count all your eyelashes, close enough to bend down and kiss you again if it wants.

He does want.

“You have pretty eyes,” you whisper. He almost laughs at how much it hurts to hear you say that to him. “I’ve always thought you had beautiful eyes.”

Footsteps crash up the stairs, you brother’s voice calling your name. The memory of earlier shatters the moment and Soonyoung drops your arm. He takes a step back from you, needing room to breathe. For you, you’ve gotten what you wanted, a kiss to tell your friends about. For Soonyoung, it feels like his world is on fucking fire.

“There’s your kiss,” he mumbles. “Is there anything else you need from me, or do I need to jump too?”

The words taste wrong the second they leave his mouth. He doesn’t mean to sound angry because he’s not. At least, not with you. He watches your face for a heartbeat too long. Confusion flickers there, immediately followed by hurt before a mask of composure slips over your expression, a skill you’ve learned to use at parties.

You don’t say anything for a heartbeat, and when Seungcheol calls your name, you leave. You give him a single look at the door before slipping out into the hallway, the click of the door shutting loud in the silence of Soonyoung’s room.

For a while, Soonyoung doesn’t move. He just stands there. He can still smell you, sweet and sharp, the vanilla clinging to him. He runs his tongue across his lower lip, tasting the lip balm you’d left there. He lets out a shaky breath and presses the heel of his palm to his chest like he can quell is hammering heart.

He shouldn’t have kissed you. He knows he shouldn’t have. But you’d asked and that was all it took. One look, one tremor in your voice and everything Seungcheol said earlier was meaningless. That’s how it’s always been with you, though. Soonyoung has always abandoned rationale for you, like that time he tackled Angel for fighting with you at your birthday party.

Soonyoung had sworn to himself just hours ago that he would get his head on straight and find a way to start guarding the way he felt about you, and you’d come in and immediately wreck his plans. All that conviction was nothing at the thought of you.

He sinks down on the edge of his bed, elbows braced on his knees. He stares at the blue glow of his AetherLink still paused on the home screen. His hands are shaking. He pressed them together, but they don’t stop. He thinks about how soft your mouth was, the way your breath hitched when he pulled you toward him. The sound you made. It replays in his head on a loop.

“Fuck,” he sighs, falling backward on the bed.

Usually, Soonyoung’s room smells like teakwood. Right now, it smells sweet and cloying, overpowered by the smell of you. He hates the way it makes his head spin. Hates the way that he knows he fucked up. He imagines Seungcheol and Vernon’s faces if they knew. The disappointment and fury, the fear.

The thought of it cuts him deep. Soonyoung already knows what comes next. Tomorrow, he’s going to try to put distance between you. He’ll avoid you and it’ll eat him alive to do it, but he’ll try. And then you’ll come around, bright and unbothered, and he’ll look you in the eye and fall in love all over again.

He’ll fail. With you, he will always fail.

-

Victra’s mouth is hot against Soonyoung’s neck. It feels good and he grins, tipping his head back as she presses herself closer to him. The vibrations from the music pulse through his bones, thumping in beat with his heart. Above him, the neon casts fractured shades of blue and violet over the crowd. It makes the world appear dreamy and slow, though it’s probably more to do with the combination of drugs and alcohol in his system.

The crowd writhes around him, bodies grinding together. Holographic dancers twist and undulate above the floor, skin glistening as though real, beads of sweat catching the lights. He notices details most people would miss, like the way Victra smells distinctly of resin, the way Taps slip through the crowd offering hits of frostbyte and packets of resin, the way teeth gleam too white and eyes flash, too dilated.

Soonyoung tracks every single one of the Taps, but he tracks the other people he knows, too. Even fucked up, he’s aware of everyone in the room. He’s a Sword of the Choi Syndicate, and even though it’s his night off, he’s never really off.

He also notices you.

You’re perfect on the velvet booth like a queen in a gilded cage, a glass of champagne in your hand. You scan the crowd too, your eyes sharp and precise. Even all the way down here with another woman sucking marks into his neck, Soonyoung can feel you. Is drawn to you.

When your eyes land on him, he sees the twitch in your expression. He smirks at the small, nearly imperceptible flare of your nostrils, the way you tilt your head and turn away in frustration. A rush of satisfaction hits him, wild and uncontrollable. You’re jealous and it makes him feel alive. So rarely does it get to see it.

Once he’s noticed, he can’t stop. He knows you’re watching him and he loves it. The world is too bright and too loud, colors flashing in sync with the music, making every surface shimmer. His body hums with the electricity of it and the excitement that you’re watching as he puts his hands on Victra’s hips, as he grinds her into him.

Every instinct at him screams to walk up to the second floor landing where you’re sitting and to press his mouth to yours, to see if you’ll melt into him or fight him. He can feel it in the tight coil of his chest, the way his stomach roils, blood racing. He wants to push you. Wants to see what you’ll do if he presses you.

So he decides to push.

Soonyoung’s eyes don’t leave your booth as he wends his way through the crowd, pulling Victra along. He leads her up the stairs, aware that Mingyu and two of Victra’s friends have fallen into step behind him. By the time he gets to the top and security waves him through, he sees Wonwoo’s hand outstretched toward you as you inhale a small bump of frostbyte off a knife.

Jealousy flares in Soonyoung. It takes everything in him to tamp it down, watching the way your eyes roll back and you scrunch your nose through the burn, trying to keep your eyes from watering. He sits down in the booth next to Vernon, his eyes pinned to you as you sniff a few times, leaning back to talk to your brother, who looks dead next to you.

Victra and her friends help themselves to drinks. Soonyoung stares as you as you turn from Seungcheol, nodding. You’re momentarily caught up in the lights, tilting your head up to look at the lavender butterfly holos floating above. It paints your color in a wash of purple and lilac, and you’re so beautiful in that second that Soonyoung has to bite down on his tongue to stop himself from moving over to you.

Blood blooms in his mouth. Victra turns to him and presses another kiss to his throat. He lets her, leaning back against the couch with his eyes fixated on you, his mouth turning to metal as you come to your senses and drop your gaze to him. His stomach tightens as your eyes drop to Victra, eyes flashing.

Good.

It isn't that you love him. Not like he loves you. But you're possessive, and Soonyoung is your favorite thing. You hate when your favorite thing is under the attention of someone else and not you. It's a game Soonyoung has learned to play recently, knowing that this is all he'll ever get from you - little reactions, little flares of frustration.

Grinning, he leans his head back against the booth, letting his eyelids flutter shut. For the barest moment, he can pretend that Victra’s wet mouth under his ear is yours. The thought makes him shiver, until Vernon is jabbing Soonyoung in the jibs to get his attention.

“Baby is asking for you,” Vernon hollers over the pulsing music.

Soonyoung glances your direction again. You’re sitting stiffly on the edge of the booth’s seat, staring at him with a stormy expression. He nods and peels Victra off of him, happy to plop down onto the booth next to you to see what it is you need. He hopes its him you need, but when you point at your brother and ask for a stim pop, the dream deflates a little.

“Then you can go back to your little public sex session,” you tack on, heated.

Soonyoung grins and makes a cat noise at you. He likes you like this, all fire and heat. Your mother’s side of the family is known for their fire and passion, the phoenix symbol meaning more than just legacy and ash. You’re cold like the mountain of the Choi family too, but this version of you, spitting angry and trembling is best.

It means you care - care about him, specifically.

Soonyoung leans forward to pull a stim pop out of his back pocket. He always keeps them, needing them to stay awake during long shifts. You make a noise of protest when he leans into you and he grins as you shove at him, annoyed but not meaning it. You don’t push him hard, just enough to let him know you’re angry at him.

He presents the stim pop and you snatch it away from him, turning your back on him to shove the pop into your brother’s mouth. Soonyoung looks over your shoulder at the future Tower of the Choi Syndicate and winces. Seungcheol has had way too many drugs tonight, and a stim pop is exactly what he needs.

“Why are you being a brat?” Soonyoung asks, leaning into the back of the booth.

“Go away.”

He smirks. “Baby, please don’t start with me.”

“I’m not starting fuck with you.”

He knows. It’s him starting with you. He watches as you fawn over Seungcheol for a moment. Your brother has opened his eyes as he sucks on the stim pop, cheek round with the candy. Soonyoung is glad. Seungcheol was a little worse for wear, but he looks like he’s at least aware of his surroundings now, his eyes flashing between Soonyoung and you.

“Why are you mad at me?” Soonyoung asks.

He knows why, but he wants to hear you say it. You don’t, of course. Instead, you growl, “I’m not mad at you. Go away.”

“You definitely are. What did I do, hmm? Tell me.”

“Please fuck off.”

Soonyoung rolls his eyes but gets up. He’s more than happy to let you rage in your corner if that’s what you want to do, so he stumbles back to his seat where the girl he’d left behind looks frustrated. He doesn’t blame her. Someone else has had his attention all night. He tries to apologize in his own way, leaning over toward her and pressing his mouth to Victra’s.

She tastes all wrong. He can barely concentrate on the kiss because instead of vanilla chapstick, she tastes like liquor and the bitter taste of frostbyte in her gums. Soonyoung ignores it, dipping his tongue into her mouth, trying to get lost in the kiss, trying to drown himself in the heat of her lips to ignore the fact that she isn’t you.

It’s been two years since Soonyoung kissed you in his room and he can’t stop thinking about it. He’s never tasted you like this, never licked into your mouth or heard you sigh. But he dreams of it. It’s the kiss that never should have happened, but it fucking haunts him, even in this chaotic corner of the club.

You call Wonwoo’s name. It draws Soonyoung’s attention, pulling away from Victra’s mouth. She doesn’t mind, pressing kisses along his jaw as Soonyoung looks at you. You scoot toward Wonwoo, asking for more frostbyte but you don’t need more.

Drugs aren’t really your thing. You dabble in them occasionally, happy to have a high with your friends while you’re all out like this, but you don’t do them often enough to know how to handle them. Soonyoung sees you reaching for more and he reacts on instinct, snapping a hand out to snap his fingers at you and tell you no.

It makes you bristle, turning to him with all snapping teeth and rage. He feels Vernon cringe next to him but Soonyoung doesn’t care, eyes on you as you yell, “Don’t fucking whistle and snap at me! I’m not a dog.”

He hadn’t meant to make you feel that way. He just needed to get your attention on him and not the glittering powder in Wonwoo’s pocket. By the looks of it, you don’t need more. Your eyes are the size of moons, hands shaking, tongue licking your lips over and over again.

“Baby,” he pleads. “You don’t need more. Your pupils are the size of Mingyu’s big ass head.”

Victra goes stiff next to him. “Baby? Are you serious?”

Soonyoung groans. He knows what it sounds like - he has to go through this misunderstanding with every girl he brings around while you're there. “Chill out, Victra. It’s her nickname.”

Whatever you shoot back is lost in Soonyoung’s irritation. Everything feels too hot and Victra’s hands on him make him itch. He leans forward as you move to sit next to Wonwoo, who looks far to excited to ply the daughter of the Tower with drugs. To Wonwoo, this is exciting - you never party like this with them. To Soonyoung, it’s a red flag. He knows you’re mad and the last thing he meant to do was make you snort more shit up your nose to cope with it.

“Wonwoo,” Soonyoung thunders, knocking Victra’s hands away. “Don’t you dare give her that.”

Wonwoo is stuck between a rock and a hard place. No one has ever told you no, but everyone knows Soonyoung is not someone to fuck with. Soonyoung is a Sword - Wonwoo isn’t. He’s not even really a Tap, but he’s somewhere in the middle of the chain without an official title. Which means that both you and Soonyoung outrank him, and he’s not sure who to listen to.

Victra tries to pull Soonyoung back to the seat and it sets him off. “Stop clawing at me.” He turns back to you, your eyes blazing. “Baby, please stop being stubborn for one moment. Just one.” Victra starts bitching at Soonyoung, but he ignores her, eyes on you. Only you. “If you’re mad at me, be mad at me. Stop blowing shit up your nose to prove and point and be a bitch, though.”

Wrong thing to say. Soonyoung knows it’s wrong as soon as it’s out of his mouth. He doesn’t mean to call you a bitch, because you’re not. At least, not in a way that would make him call you that out loud. But the lights are too bright and the sour taste in his mouth is getting to him and his head is starting to hurt, all signs that his high is wearing off and that the long nights are getting to him.

“I’m not proving fuck,” you spot. “And Victra’s right, go fuck her in the bathroom or something and stop telling me what to do.”

“So it is about her?” He asks, caught between pleasure and worry. You’ve never fought about this before - especially not like this, in front of everyone with drugs pumping through you to fuel the rage.

Soonyoung doesn’t even catch what Victra says to you. He’s too focused on the glassy look in your eye and the hurt that he sees there and he feels sick. He hadn’t meant for it to hurt like this - he thought you might get frustrated because you like to hold his leash, but he hadn’t expected the pain looking back at him.

He feels like a fucking asshole - he is a fucking asshole.

There’s not much time to think about it. Whatever Victra said to you sets you off. Soonyoung blinks in surprise as you launch out of the seat toward them, knocking over glasses and bottles. Seungcheol’s arm snaps out to catch you by the waist and pull you back toward him.

Soonyoung’s hand goes to Victra’s thigh to pin her down but she’s up on her feet in seconds as Seungcheol subdues you, seeing a window of opportunity. Before Soonyoung can knock her back, Angel is on her like a rabid dog, slamming the girl into the booth and pinning her knee to the girl’s stomach.

It is chaos that Soonyoung can barely control. Angel pins Victra to the seat while her friends start to rise from the booth. A bucket of ice goes flying, spraying freezing cold water over Soonyoung and the others. He shoots to his feet, arm shooting out to grab one of the girls who was with Mingyu to keep her from getting to you across the table.

You’re screaming like a banshee, feet kicking out and knocking over bottles. Glass shatters and champagne sprays, drawing the eyes of everyone outside of your table. Security starts to come over but Soonyoung is pulling Victra from underneath Angel’s knee and shoving her toward Mingyu, hollering at him to take her.

One of the girls is bleeding, her brow split open from the ice bucket that hit her square in the face. Soonyoung doesn’t cringe. He just blocks them from entering the booth again, ignoring Victra as she throws every curse she can at him. Security helps Mingyu, wrangling the three women toward the steps while trying to assess the blood gushing from the one girl’s face.

Running a hand through his hair, Soonyoung turns back around. Wonwoo is picking glass off of himself while Vernon and Angel clear their side of the booth. An attendant shows up to start cleaning and Soonyoung gives him a nod of thanks, heart hammering and head spinning from the chaos of it all.

You’re talking to Seungcheol quietly, your brother caging you in as he murmurs something to you. Soonyoung sees you deflate and nod, sagging against the seat as whatever Seungcheol tells you lands. You nod and Seungcheol rises, giving you space as you pant through the rage.

Seungcheol gives Soonyoung a look. A few years ago, he would have started a fight with Soonyoung. Now, he just seems tired and annoyed. Soonyoung brushes shoulders with Soonyoung as he goes to sit next to you, your brother body checking him a little as he does. It makes Soonyoung grin - it’s not a threat, but a warning, more frustrated than angry.

Color swims above the two of you, painting you in fuchsia. Soonyoung looks up at the glitter of lights, feeling the anger deflate from you, replaced with something colder and more reserved, the phoenix turning into the mountain.

“Jealousy is crazy on you,” Soonyoung offers. He says it because he wants confirmation that it is jealousy, that the display of rage and chaos is because maybe - just maybe - you like him when he’s only yours. “I kind of like it.”

“Don’t do that to me ever again.”

Soonyoung laughs to hide the flutter in his heart. If he’d known he would get this kind of reaction, he wouldn’t have done it. But now that he knows what kind of reaction you would give, he can’t stop thinking about it.

His eyes drop down to your mouth. He thinks about that night in his bedroom when you asked him to kiss you, when you pressed your lips against his. It has followed him every day for two years, the ghost of your lips impossible to shake. He wants to kiss you now, but he doesn’t dare. Not when he’s still unsure about your jealousy, not when it feels fragile.

“I’m serious,” you continue. “Don’t ever do that to me again, Soonyoung. Not to me.”

Soonyoung nods and leans into you, melting into the seat. It’s small but he lets himself have this, everyone else be damned. You put your hand on his thigh and he nearly groans, feeling the tension bleed out of him as he puts his head on your shoulder, tired and wanting nothing more than to stay like this forever, the scent of vanilla lingering on his skin.

It’s the first time that Soonyoung realizes maybe you like him too.

-

Killing is not at all like Soonyoung imagined. There's no adrenaline rush, no gut-wrenching remorse. There's just the mechanical pull of the trigger and the sound of the electric charge of the gun. The body slumps to the ground like a wet coat, flopping over in the rain-slicked alley. Soonyoung stares at the body, the water in the street turning pink under the blue neon, blood flowing from the mess of skull.

He doesn't care.

The dead man had been a Rook of the Yong family who'd been trying to extort someone in the club thumping behind Soonyoung. Soonyoung had been watching him all night, waiting and gathering information until Old Man Vero confirmed he wanted the Rook dead. So he did exactly that, grabbing the man by the back of the neck and dragging him out here to beat him within an inch of his life before ending it.

Soonyoung looks at his hands. The knuckles are split and bloody, already bruised and growing darker. He flexes them. He can't feel any pain, but there's a popping feeling in his right hand that feels wrong. Broken, maybe. He doesn't really know. The frostbyte eating away as his exhaustion keeps any of the pain in the back of his mind, somewhere dull and distant.

Red and blue glows from billboards overhead. Soonyoung can hear them in the distance, advertising AetherLink upgrades with new virtual reality that makes people forget their shitty lives. He's never tried alternate reality - he doesn't need to. His life is shitty but at least he has you in it. There's no reality in the world that a computer can give him that is better than the one he has with you, even if you're not his.

The plasma gun is heavy in Soonyoung's hand, barrel humming faintly with residual energy. It smells like wet concrete and fried street food from the cart down the block, and he absently realizes that he's hungry. Hunger is the only thing he feels as he stares at the body bleeding out. The fleshy material of meat and white chips of skull don't bother him. He tilts his head, frowning. He thought it would be more splatter, but the rain washes away the gore.

Soonyoung should feel something, probably. His father had drilled it into him over late-night talks in their old house, back when the Sentinel was alive and teaching Soonyoung how to be a Sword.

"A man feels when he kills," his dad had said. "Guilt, rage, even satisfaction. But if you feel nothing, you're no better than an animal. A tool. And tools get discarded when they're dull."

Holstering the gun, Soonyoung stares at the body. He waits for the wave to hit - regret, maybe. For ending a life that had parents, maybe a kid, debts to pay. Or pleasure, the dark kind that other Swords whisper about in the Choi estates billiards room after a job, drinks in hand and eyes glazed.

There's nothing.

Soonyoung turns away and dials for a cleaner to come dispose of the body. He doesn't even do it himself, impersonal, uncaring. He doesn't care where the body ends up, he just knows it needs to be disposed of.

The Lower District pulses around Soonyoung, alive in a way that Hyperion's underbelly can be at this hour. He hears the side door to the club open and looks up, nodding when he sees a cleaning team before he shoves his phone in his pocket and walks out of the mouth of the alley, boots splashing in grimy puddles.

Hawkers shout from their carts at him as he passes. He can see Choi Syndicate Taps moving from club to club and prowling lines to get into clubs, pushing stim, frostbyte, syndust and more. Holographic dancers writhe in the windows of brothels, their forms glitching a little in the rain. He pays them no mind, even when the live girls come out when they see him, calling to him and reaching for him.

He doesn't let them touch him. He has no interest in them. He used to let women touch him and fuck him when he was younger, trying to erase the smell of your hair and the sound of your laughter. He doesn't do that now - not since that night years ago you'd fucked up some girl he brought to a booth with him. You'd told him to never do that again, and he hasn't tried.

Hasn't tried to learn where that jealousy came from, either, whether its the desire to hold the leash or desire for him.

Soonyoung weaves through the crowd, shoulders hunched against the rain as it turns to a downpour. The kill doesn't bother him, still. Not the way it should. What gnaws at him is the lack of response - no pulse spike, no shaky hands. No brief cringe of horror. Nothing.

He wonders if he's broken - maybe fucked up beyond repair. He hasn't cried since the night he found his parents slaughtered in the bedroom of his childhood home, but he's surprised at the total lack of response.

His father would be ashamed, seeing him like this. A loyal Sword who executes without a flicker, who has become nothing but an animal that bites.

Soonyoung ducks into a dive bar called Echo Void. It's tucked under a towering apartment building that's crumbling and probably a single bad day away from coming down. It's the kind of place where low level Syndicate members mingle with partiers chasing oblivion and other dark pleasures.

Dim lights pulse to synth beats from a DJ platform in the corner, VIP booths shrouded in holographic privacy fields that flicker, their shitty quality unable to hold the wall for long. The air reeks of spilled drinks, sweat and the acrid tang of someone smoking syndust in the shadows.

He slides onto a stool at the bar, the worn leather creaking under him. The bartender is a grizzled woman with cybernetic eyes that glow blue. She looks him up and down but she must see something in his face because instead of asking him questions, she pours him a double of whatever nasty ass liquor they serve here. It goes down his throat, turning the inside of his chest into an inferno.

Finally, he feels something. Even if it's the physical effects of rotgut alcohol that could probably make him blind if he had enough. He's not even sure it's alcohol - it could be gasoline for all he knows. He doesn't care much, lifting a finger for another.

One drink becomes two. Two becomes four. Four cascades into something else. The alcohol blurs the edges but it doesn't fill the void. It doesn't make him feel. Soonyoung thinks back to the violence of it, the way he'd split the mans lip, then his nose. Felt the crack of ribs under his boot. He feels nothing, so he signals for another drink, hoping that maybe if he gets drunk enough, he'll feel guilt or pleasure or something.

It does nothing. So he pulls the packet of frostbyte from his jacket. It glows faintly under the neon light, laced with something else illicit and dangerous. He doesn't mind, so he taps it out on the bar's edge, ignoring anyone who looks at him. Most people don't. He snorts it quick, the burn racing up his nose.

The hit slams into him fast - colors sharpen, the synth music throbs in his ribcage like a second heartbeat. He breathes in a few times, the air sharp and cold and damp. He taps out another line, breathing it until his vision swims and his thoughts fractured like broken holos.

The bar spins around him - laughing partiers in booths, someone asking him for a hit. He tosses them the pack, uncaring that there's a solid 300 credits worth of product in it. He can afford to lose it, just like he can afford to kill someone without consequences in a shitty back way alley.

Soonyoung thinks about you. You're probably back at the Choi Estate either curled up reading a book in your room or sparring in the training room to burn off whatever you're pissed off about today. It makes him smile, imagining the way your eyes light up when you fight, the way that your smile lights up the darkest fucking corners of the world.

He wants to go home to you, to stumble through the iron gates and find you in the atrium or in your room with it's sheets that smell like you. He wants to tell you how he feels nothing, how he pulled the trigger and didn't care. How it scares him just a little that he thinks he's the animal his dad gated, that maybe Seungcheol and Vernon were right about him, he's too far gone for you.

You'd listen to him. He knows you would. You always listen to him, with that steady gaze that grounds him when the world feels like it's slipping away. You make him feel. You're the only thing that can.

So he gets up from the stool and transfers credits to the bartender. It's far too many, but he doesn't care. He has a singular focus on his mind, feet slipping and tripping as the world spins. He's too fucked up to get home on his own, but if he calls a car, the driver will tell Old Man Vero how fucked up Sonyoung is. He's like a son to the Tower, every move of his is watched.

Outside, the rain has turned to mist. It clings to him like second skin, neon bleeding into the puddles and turning the streets into broken kaleidoscopes of pink and cyan. His head is a mess, flipping between memories like a broken projector: Dead Rook. You, smiling. His mom, throat slashed. You flipping him in the training room. Dead Rook. The smell of your shampoo as you brush by him in the parlor.

He needs to get home. Home is the estate. Home is you.

The train station is a ten-minute weave through the Lower Districts derelict streets and back alleys. His legs move on autopilot, boots splashing, frostbyte still fizzing under his skin. A Tap tries to sell him something before seeing who he's talking to - everyone knows Soonyoung's face here. Everyone knows he's a Sword.

The underground platform is crowded with late-night club kids in holographic jackets and tired shift workers heading home. Soonyoung leans against a pillar, forehead pressed to the cool metal, breathing in deep. It smells like rot and piss and his stomach rolls. He decides to breath through his mouth instead.

When the train screeches in, he shuffles on and drops into a seat, the cracked pleather sticking to his damp jacket. The train takes off, rocking him on loud tracks, the lights flickering above him making the world flash in and out of reality.

He changes lines. Each station smells worse than the last until he's walking up into the Upper District at the base of the mountain road where the public lines end and the private estates begin.

The climb is gonna be a fucking bitch. He realizes how ill-planned this was. Now Soonyoung has to walk the however far the distance is up winding mountain roads.

With the frostbyte starting to wear off and leaving a sick, cottony ache behind his eyes, he realizes it's going to be a bitch. Still, if he can just get to your door. If he can just hear your voice. He knows the nothing will stop.

So he walks.

The air up here is cleaner and colder, the pine and wet stone replacing city rot. The ascent is brutal, kilometers of switchbacks lit only by the distant city and moon. His lungs burn. His thighs tremble. Every step feels like walking through water. Halfway up, he has to stop, hands on his knees, retching into a ditch while the mist swirls around him. Nothing comes up but bile and the faint shimmer of frostbyte residue.

Soonyoung laughs once, a cracked sound that echoes of the trees. His father would hate this. The great son of the Sentinel, puking on the side of the road because he killed a man and felt nothing and then tried to burn the nothing out with drugs and cheap liquor.

Pathetic.

He keeps walking.

Finally, he gets to the gates. The men working the guard house give him wary glances. They wave him through, though, and he hears them mutter under their breaths as the gates open for him and he passes through, gravel crunching beneath his boots as he walks between dense forest.

The estate grounds are quiet, the main house a fortress of dark glass and stone looming in the distance when he breaks the treeline. Motion lights flicker on as he crosses the courtyard. Only a few windows glow faintly as he walks up the steps and lets himself into the house when the biometric scanner.

Soonyoung doesn't go to his room. He drifts up the stairs to his hall but turns left where he usually turns right. His knuckles are raw when he finally steps in front of your door. He stares at his hand as he lifts it but doesn't knock for a few minutes, his breath shaky and ragged.

The high has mostly bled out of him now, but he's still cross faded on the dregs of frostbyte and alcohol. Swallowing, he knocks and leans against the door, waiting as his heart thuds so loud he's sure you'll hear it on the other side.

Please be awake. Please open the door. Please don't let me be nothing tonight.

The door opens and the entire world goes still.

The lilac glow from your room spills over him, washing the hallway in soft purple. He can't lift his head yet, his forehead pressed to the wall, one palm flat against it just to keep himself upright. The walk up the mountain has scraped the last of the frostbyte out of his blood, but everything else is still there, dragging him down.

"Soonyoung?" Your voice peels away a layer of rot.

He manages to drag his chin up an inch to look at you. He wonders what you see. Does the light catch the sweat in his hair, the dried blood flecked across the collar of his shirt? Your eyes flick to look down the empty hall behind him, then back to him.

"Where are Cheol and Vernon?" He hears the stress in your voice and guilt punches him in the gut. He didn't mean to make you afraid.

"S'cheol's working," he rasps, tongue heavy. "Vernon went to Angel's."

He watches your face shift. You're so god damn beautiful it makes him want to fall to his knees. He would, for you. He would worship you the way Angel's psycho mother worshiped her god, with a feverish devotion. He'd give anything to you - everything to you.

"Are you-" You dip your head to dry and catch his eyes. "Are you drunk? Or high?"

"Yeah."

You don't hesitate. Your hand closes around his, warm and steady. You pull him into your room and he stumbles forward, heavy and useless. The door clicks shut behind him. He's in your room. Safe.

Soonyoung can't look at you. Not yet. He keeps his gaze on the floor while his heart slams against his ribs. You're standing close enough that he can smell your sleep-warm skin and the faint trace of vanilla. You feel like the only clean thing in the fucking world.

You reach for his collar but he flinches. "Not mine."

You don't say anything. He takes three crooked steps and collapses on the edge of your bed, elbows on his knees. The mattress dips under his weight. He wants to tell you sorry for sitting on it without your permission, but he can barely stand. He still can't look up and if he sees your eyes, he thinks he'll crack open and spill the rotted yolk hidden in the fragile shell of his heart.

He hears you move closer, careful, like he's a wounded animal that might bolt or bite. He supposes that's fair. You crouch in front of him. He can see your bare feet, the soft curve of your ankles, the way your sleep shorts ride up just a little to make his chest ache with something.

Finally. Not nothing. He can feel again, and all it takes is this, sitting in your room with you a few inches away.

"Soonyoung," you whisper. "You're scaring me. Do you need me to call Cheol or Vernon?"

He shakes his head. The idea of Seungcheol seeing him like this in your room makes his stomach turn. Vernon would understand, but he'd be wary, still. Neither your brothers would like him here in your room like this very much, the smell of violence and something darker on him.

"Let me call Vernon-"

"No," he whispers. "No. Sorry. I just-"

He can't finish the sentence. The silence stretches for a moment. Your hand settles on his knee, gentle and waiting. He stares at it, suddenly seeing the lifeline. The burden becomes a little easier.

"My dad always said I should feel something." The words slur a little. "Always said that you should feel something when you kill someone. If you don't, it means you're nothing more than a beast with base instincts. Not intelligent or refined."

Your fingers tighten. You don't interrupt. You never do.

"I felt nothing. Fucking nothing."

Soonyoung risks a glance at you and his heart thuds. Your face is tilted up toward him and you're on your knees, eyes wide and fierce, softened with worry. Your mouth is pinched and the way you look at him sends him reeling.

"What do you mean?" You whisper, coaxing it out of him.

So he tells you.

"There was no guilt. I didn't even flinch. It was so easy, like fucking breathing. That's not what my dad wanted me to be. He always said that those who felt nothing were just baser creatures. That we were better because we were made better."

"I think your dad wanted a lot of things. You being alive was the most important of those things, Soonyoung."

His name on your lips makes his eyes flutter. He wants you to say it again. Wants to hear it a million time. A billion. Infinitely.

"I'm just tired of feeling fucking empty," he admits, voice rough. "I don't give a shit that I killed someone, Baby. Honestly? I was fucking looking forward to it. I thought maybe - just maybe - I would feel something, even if it was guilt or horror or satisfaction. There was nothing."

Soonyoung looks up at you. He doesn't know what he expects on your face, but you catch him off guard. You surge forward, sliding between his thighs to wrap your arms tight around his middle. Your cheek presses to his chest, right over the place where his heart is hammering like its trying to reach you.

He freezes. His arms hang useless at his sides. He doesn't deserve this. Doesn't deserve you holding him like he isn't something broken and rotten.

You don't let go.

Slowly, his arms come up. He can't help himself. You are all he's every wanted, and you're here holding him. He circles his arms around you, tentative at first, then firmer. He buries his face in your neck and breathes in, muscles uncoiling. You smell like home.

"I don't feel like a person sometimes," he admits. It's a weight off his shoulders to say it out loud. "It's like the ability for me to feel anything died forever ago. Like I killed it so I didn't ever have to hurt again. Now I only ever feel when-"

He cuts himself off. He can't say it. It's too honest and when you hear it, you'll want to fix it. Because you always want to fix it for him. You spend too much time prioritizing him and he lets you because he's greedily and helpless and wretched, and if he lets you fix it this time, he thinks it'll cross a line.

"You only ever feel when you what?" You ask. "You can tell me if you want. Whatever you need."

You don't ask. Don't demand. You leave it up to him. The fact that you even make it a choice - that you tell him if he needs to unload, he can - breaks him.

"I feel when I'm with you." He sucks in a breath. "I feel most like a person when I'm with you."

And it's true. Soonyoung has only ever felt like he's functioning when you're around. His senses are sharper, his humor comes alive. Without you, he's the quiet blade that makes everyone unsettled. With you, he's his old self, loud and arrogant and wild. But he needs you the way a body needs a heart, and without you, he's something mindless that can only follow orders.

"Okay," you say, like it's the easiest thing in the fucking world. "So stay with me. Be a person with me."

The laugh the leaves him is wet. He realizes he's near tears, the words spilling out of your mouth both his saving grace and his worst doom. If you mean even half of what he thinks you do, he'll never leave you. You'll have to kill him to get rid of him, and he'll let you. If you keep him, he'll never be able to let you go.

Your father won't allow it. It's not proper. The Tower's daughter is not made for the future Sentinel. Soonyoung's destiny is to put Seungcheol first. That's already fucked up and impossible, but at least right now, everyone can pretend.

Soonyoung knew from a young age he wasn't allowed to have you. His father told him. His mother told him. Seungcheol and Vernon even told him. You seem to be the only person in the world who isn't in on it, who doesn't get it. And why would you? No one has ever told you no.

"I'm not made for you," Soonyoung whispers.

"Yes you are," you snap, nails digging into him. "If I make you a person, then how could we be made for anyone else but one another?"

He goes quiet. His heart is pulsing in his ears. You grip him hard enough that he knows he's going to bruise. He stares at you and see's the burning in your eyes, the seriousness of your statement. You're not going to let this go, and not for the first time, he sees that spark of madness reflected in your eyes, a mirror of his own.

No one has ever told you no. Soonyoung can't either.

"If I stay right now," he whispers, resolve fading, "You will never get me to leave. Do you understand? I won't…" He swallows. "I will be incapable of ever letting you go. Ever. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

It's stay or die. He doesn't say it in as many words, but that's what he means. If you ever intend to pull away, he will die. It is that simple.

Your arms tighten around him, a threat and a promise. "Try to leave me at your own peril, Kwon Soonyoung."

- Soonyoung has killed so many people in the last three years that he's stopped counting.

Bodies blur together, some in rain-soaked alleys, some in soundproofed rooms like this one. It smells like blood and cheap disinfectant in the warehouse. A single hanging bulb swings overhead, throwing sickly, yellow light across the the plastic sheet Angel laid down earlier. The man strapped to the metal chair is a nobody - just a runner for some bottom feeder gang that thought they could skim. His face is already swollen and bloody, and as Angel circles him in her rain slicker and boots, Soonyoung knows it'll get bloodier.

Angel makes an art of this. It's why she's a Rook in the first place. Soonyoung understands Angel in a way that no one else does, save for Vernon. Everyone thinks that people like Soonyoung and Angel feel nothing. That they torture because they're sadistic. People don't understand that it's the opposite - they feel too much, and the only time that it really comes to the surface is with the vulnerability of torture or their romantic partners.

Torturing someone requires a strange kind of intimacy. Fishing for information, hurting someone and dragging it out, making them talk - it requires a kind of honesty with oneself that most people can't stomach. If Soonyoung wants to get someone to tell him something, he has to be just as honest, exposing himself in the way he asks questions or the way he comes up with pain and punishment.

He learned that about himself a few months after his first kill.

Soonyoung stands off to the side, arms folded. His hands are slick with blood, shirt sleeves rolled to the elbow. The guy in the chair lets out a wet gurgle coughing on blood and split teeth. Soonyoung is good at this now. He can break fingers in exactly the right order, ask questions in exactly the right tone. The man in the chair is flayed skin away from giving up the name of whoever paid him to skim from the Choi shipment.

Angel flicks her knife shut and wipes a smear of blood on her thigh. "I think I want to use the peeler. Thoughts?"

Soonyoung nods, but his jaw is tight. The phone buried in his pocket buzzes again - the third vibration in ten minutes. He doesn't need to look to know who it is. There is a very angry heiress waiting for him at dinner that he was supposed to be at… an hour and a half ago.

He shifts his weight, boots scuffing the plastic. The motion draws Angel's eye. She tilts her head, sharp as ever. Sometimes, she reminds Soonyoung of a velociraptor from the old movies Vernon likes. Angel always tilts her head when examining someone, sharp eyes missing nothing, pupils dilating as she takes in information.

"You're twitchy tonight," she observes. "Got somewhere better to be?"

He exhales through his nose. "I'm late."

Angel's grin is demonic. She knows exactly what he means. Everyone in the estate knows what that means. The Tower of the Choi Syndicate is who Soonyoung belongs to, but it's not the Tower that holds him by the collar. It's his very impatient, very quick to anger daughter, who he was supposed to have dinner with tonight.

He promised.

But everyone knows how tough it is, these days. The Tower has been punishing Soonyoung for three years straight, sending him on back-to-back jobs, scheduling interrogations that run long on purpose, keeping him bleeding or bloodletting the Lower District while his girl waits for him somewhere else.

Again.

"Go," Angel says, waving a lazy hand. "I'll finish up here. Hansol can help me dump the parts." The man starts to cry when he hears the word parts. Soonyoung suppresses a laugh, knowing Angel did it on purpose. She turns her back to him, a dismissal. "Tell Baby I give her my love."

"She might lock me out."

"She might."

Soonyoung doesn't argue. He heads to the sink and washes his hand, scrubbing the blood with antibacterial soap as the man behind him starts to beg for his life again, telling Angel he doesn't know the name of the person who paid him. By the time Soonyoung is stepping outside and closing the padded door, the man is screaming, his cries for help shut off as soon as the door shuts.

Rain beats down on the warehouse. It's at the edge of the Lower District in what used to be Warehouse District boundary. Now, it's a nondescript building where Soonyoung and Angel have bloody sessions.

Soonyoung's bike roars to life, neon splashing from the wheel well as it turns on. He can barely see out the rain slicking on his helmet but he gases it anyway, peeling out on the wet pavement.

The ride up the mountain is a blur of wet asphalt and trees. It's fucking freezing, his knuckles white on the bike's grips, engine humming between his thighs. By the time the gates open for him, the adrenaline form the warehouse has curdled into something sick and heavy in his gut.

He ditches the bike in the garage, boots echoing as he jogs to the main house. He's almost two hours late now and he needs to shower before heading to the dinner he's supposed to be at you with - some fucking fancy gala that he didn't want to go to, but planned on attending for you.

Most of the house is quiet. He takes the stairs two at a time, heading for your room that he's been living in for three years now. His old room waits empty and dusty, unused since he moved into yours. He heads for it now, pushing open the cracked door and stops dead.

You're sitting on the edge of the bed you share, still in the dress you wore to dinner. He nearly groans - not upset, but in pain. You look otherworldly, in deep plum silk that clings to every line of you, sleeves slipping off your shoulders. Your hair is pinned up in the way that he likes, a few strands loose.

And your eyes are on fucking fire.

He smells the blood and warehouse disinfectant clinging to his skin. He doesn't want to talk to you like this, but he has no choice. There is no waiting - not with you. He closes the door behind him with a soft click that is louder than any gunshot he's ever squeezed off.

"Hi," he says, voice rough. He peels off his shirt and throws it in the corner of the room, trying to put distance between you and the blood. "I'm sorry. I'm here now."

The weight of your anger is like a blade between his ribs. The inky glass of the window reflects back exactly what you're seeing - blood dried on his neck, a bruise blooming across his ribs, the faint red imprint of someone else's teeth as their last ditch effort to fight him. He looks like a weapon that has been used too hard, too often.

"I know," he starts, voice low. You've said nothing but the weight of your silence is deadly. "I know I fucked up. I thought I could wrap up and-"

"Two hours, Soonyoung." Your voice cuts through him. "Two hours after you promised. After I waited for you and showed up late. And then had to explain your absence. After I sat there like some sad little heiress waiting for her Sword to remember she exists."

"Baby-"

"And they all understood, you know what I mean? That's the business and well that's the life. They all felt bad for me, but they said I'm not supposed to expect anything from you - it's the Syndicate first." She scoffs. "Fucking joke."

Soonyoung approaches you slowly. You watch him, eyes flashing, but you don't pull away. He sinks to his knees, palms on his thighs facing upward in supplication. "I know. It's my fault, Baby. I'm a fucking idiot. I don't ever want you to feel that way."

You get angrier. "It's not even your fault! You think I don't know he does this on purpose? Knowing he's been an ass?" Soonyoung tries not to laugh, despite it all. Hearing someone call the Tower of the Choi Syndicate an ass is funny. "I'm going to talk to him."

It lands like ice water over his head. "No." He catches your wrist and cradles it to his chest. He always feels better when you're palm is against his bare chest, like as long as you can feel his heartbeat you'll understand him. "You don't go near him about this. Promise me."

"Soonyoung-"

"He'll escalate. You know how he works. If you confront him, he'll send me out of the city. Somewhere you can't follow."

You frown. "He wouldn't do that."

Soonyoung cannot fault you for the blind spot with your father. To you, Choi Moojin is your father. The man who raised you. Who kissed your scrapes and read you stories. To Soonyoung, he is the law. He is the key holder to the shackles around Soonyoung's wrist. He is the only thing letting Soonyoung have you out of sheer mercy.

The Tower would have sent Soonyoung home in pieces if he was anyone else. He knows this. Soonyoung's father and his longstanding history with the Tower has bought him this tiny mercy, this little sliver of allowance that Soonyoung gets to have you. But it's on the Tower's condition, time, and watch.

You'll never get it - you don't have to. It's Soonyoung's burden to bear.

Soonyoung leans into you. You let him and he presses his forehead to your stomach like he's praying at an altar. "Let me fix it, Baby. Let me make it up to you."

He feels you fold. You look down at him and he sees your shoulders sag. You thread your fingers through his hair and he lets out a pitiful sound, broken and needy. Your nails scraping against his scalp feel good, nearly making him catatonic.

"And how are you going to do that, Kwon Soonyoung?"

"Watch."

Soonyoung rises slowly, mouth brushing the line of your throat as he stands. His hands slide up your arms and over your shoulders, fingers curling into the straps of your dress. The silk sighs to your waist in a dark puddle when he pulls it. You're bare underneath save for lace panties the same color of the dress, and the sound he lets out is fucking wrecked.

With careful hands, he peels the dress off you. As soon as it hits the floor, he kisses you like a man drowning, deep and desperate, licking into your mouth until you're both gasping. His palms skate over every inch he can reach, greedy and worshipful. He drops to his knees again, this time pressing open-mouthed kisses down the center of your chest, tongue tracing the curve of one breast, teeth scraping just enough to make you arch.

"Missed you all day," he breathes against you. "Every second I wasn't with you, I was thinking about you. About this."

He mouths his way lower, slow and deliberate, leaving wet trails against your skin. When he reaches your hips, he hooks his fingers in the lace and drags it down your legs, eyes never leaving yours. You let him slide them off you, shivering under his touch.

"Lie back," he murmurs. "Please."

You do, sinking into the pillows. He follows after you, as though pulled by an invisible tether. He spreads your thighs wide, hands sliding under your ass to tilt you exactly where he wants you. He groans when he sees your shinning pussy, fucking beside himself at the effect he has on you. He's addicted to it - thinks about it all the time.

The first lick to your cunt is long and flat, tasting you from entrance to your clit. He groans, brain shorting out at the taste of you. A shiver ripples up his spine as he does it again, in no rush - never a rush with you.

Eating you out is a type of high Soonyoung can't get with anything else. His tongue is soft as it presses into you, circling your clit as he sucks gently. You let out a sound that makes his eyes roll back into his head, his hands pressing gently against your thighs to open you up further.

He stares up at you the entire time, eyes blown wide. You're devastating, twitching with your hands twisted in the sheets as he fucks his tongue into your hole. You're sweaty at the temples, chest rising and falling as you pant, your nipples pert. He moans into you when he feels you clench around his tongue.

You're a work of fucking art. He sucks your clit into his mouth, tongue fluttering. You groan his name and he presses his face into you further, lazy licks turning into something more hungry. He's messy with it, tonguing at your pussy like he needs you to come - because he does. He needs to hear you fall apart, needs to hear that high pitched little squeak you do - and you do.

Your orgasm rolls through you, thighs trembling around his ears. He hums, lips smacking, his tongue still moving soft and lazy, drawing it out until you're nearly crying. He doesn't stop. He slides two fingers into you, curling them the way you like, pressing right against that spot on your front wall that has you twisting in your bed, trying to escape him.

Soonyoung doesn't let you. He seals his mouth over your clit again, sucking harder this time, relentless until your face is burying into the sheets to muffle the sound of his name as you come again, flooding his mouth.

He drinks you down, pressing his tongue greedily to your swollen pussy. He only pulls away when you start to shiver in a way that he knows he's going to lose you shortly, the overstimulation too much. He presses cum-slicked kisses to your inner thighs, your hips, your stomach.

When he finally crawls back up your body, his lips are shiny, the taste of you heady in his mouth. His thoughts are spinning, light-headed with the taste and sound of you. He leans over you, one hand planted by your head on the bed, the other lifting your legs to press them toward your chest.

"Still not done," he murmurs, voice wrecked.

You let him hold your knees to your chest with his stomach as he leans into you, propping your legs there. His hand slides down between your legs, fingers smearing the mess he's made of you. You whimper when his fingers press the sensitive muscles of your entrance and he grins before pressing in three fingers, thrusting them slow and deep.

"Oh fuck," you whisper, voice cracking. "Fuck, Soonyoung. Fuck."

"So sorry I was late," he pants, fucking his fingers into you. He leans his weight into you, making your legs split to make room for him as he woks your pussy. "I won't make it a habit, okay? I don't want you to feel second to anything."

"Soonyoung." It comes out a whine and he growls.

"Fucking love you," he swears, fingers hammering into the spot that has you thrashing against him, wailing his name. "You are second to no one and nothing."

You come again with his fingers buried to the knuckle, his mouth latched to your neck. He works you through it, crooking his fingers, licking the teeth marks indented in your skin until you're limp and trembling beneath him.

Only then does he crawl higher and pull he's fingers out, leaving you wet and dripping. His cock is straining against his pants, a wet spot already darkening the fabric, but he ignores it, the pain of his dick less important than kissing you. It's slow and deep, letting you taste yourself on his tongue. You suck his tongue into your mouth and he groans - you're gonna fucking kill him one day.

When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against you while you catch your breath. "I'm yours. I belong to you. When you say jump. No one else. Ever."

You reach between the two of you, fingers fumbling with his belt, the metal clinking loud in the quiet room. He shivers, helping you shoving his pants down alongside his briefs. His cock springs free, aching and leaking. When you wrap your hand around him and squeeze, Soonyoung makes a broken, wet sound.

"Please," you murmur against him, pressing your lips to his temple. "Need to feel you. Please."

He groans. "Fuck, Baby. You want it?"

"Yes, fuck."

Soonyoung can deny you nothing. He lines himself up, dragging the head of his cock through your soaked folds, coating himself in your arousal. He pushes in slowly, letting you feel every inch of him as he splits you open. Your cunt squeezes him and he nearly comes right there and then, only years of practice and control stopping him.

When he bottoms out, he feels like he's in another dimension. Fucking you drives him insane - it's an addiction he cannot kick. The way you squeeze him, the way you whisper his name, the way you press yourself closer to him, like you want to live in his skin - it drives him fucking wild.

"Love you," he whispers, capturing your mouth with his. You moan, lips buzzing against his. "Love you so fucking much."

He starts to move, slow and deep rolls of his hips at first, groaning as he drags his cock along every sensitive place inside your cunt. He hooks one of your legs over his shoulder, opening you up wider, thrusting in so deep that he thinks you might come instantly. You're mumbling nonsense, fingers digging into his biceps as he fucks you.

"So fucking pretty," he pants, picking up the pace a little. "Mine."

"Feels so good," you gasp, nodding. You claw at his back and the sting feels good. "Fuck it's so good, Soonyoung."

He growls, attaching his mouth to your neck. You're beautiful like this, folded beneath him, sweaty and wanting. He can't get enough, driving his hips into yours as you whine and thrash on the bed, overwhelmed and thighs shaking, clenching around him so hard his rhythm stutters.

You shove at his chest and he lets you you flip him, rolling him onto his back. He drags you on top of him as he goes. When you sink down on him, both of you let out a pitiful noise. You're a vision on top of him, tossing your hair back, hands pressed to his chest as you grind into him, chasing your own pleasure.

Soonyoung grips your hips, not to take over but to feel you. He watches with his lips parted, wondering how the fuck he's allowed to touch you. The dim neon light of the room spills over you, turning you into a goddess he's ready to worship every second of the day. He watches you with hooded eyes as you roll your hips in tight circles, then lift and slam back down, spearing yourself on his cock over and over.

"Fuck," he groans. "Just like that. Use me, Baby. Take whatever you need."

You do, his name leaving your mouth in little sounds that make him go insane. He's barely keeping it together, but you finally break, coming hard around him, pussy fluttering. You soak his lap and he digs his fingers in, growling as you twitch on top of him.

When you're done, he sits up suddenly, arms banding around your waist to flip you again. You land on your back with a gasp of air as he thrusts in to the hilt. You wrap your legs around his waist, trapping him to you - as if he would ever want to be anywhere else but right here, pressed against you as he fucks you slow.

"Again," he whispers, dragging his mouth against yours. "Come again, I want to feel it."

Soonyoung drops his head as he fucks you deep and slow, making sure to grind his pelvis against your swollen clit. He attaches his mouth to a pert nipple, sucking gentle as he rolls his hips into yours. You arch into him, digging your nails into the back of his neck as you hold him there, shaking.

"Soonyoung, fuck - I'm -"

"I know, Baby. I've got you. Come on."

You shatter again, harder this time. Tears leak from the corners of your eyes, glowing in the neon light of the bedroom. He's reminded of the first time he saw you, convinced you were an angel. He groans, hips stuttering, fucking you through your orgasm until he comes hard, shaking in your hold.

"Love you," he chokes out. "Love you - fuck."

"Mine," you growl, holding him to you as he rides out his high. "Mine."

Soonyoung presses his forehead to yours, breath ragged. He doesn't pull out right away, staying pressed to you, arms wrapped tight around your back. You stroke his sweaty hair, watching him with glassy eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispers again. "I won't be late anymore."

"Just come to me. That's all I want."

"Always. I'm always coming home to you."

-

Soonyoung wakes up before you do, like always. The room is still gray when he wakes up, the tinted windows blocking out most of the light. He rolls to his back, exhausted and sore. He's got one arm curled around you, your spine pressed to his side, your head tucked under his chin. You're warm to the touch, the scent of vanilla on your skin. He presses his mouth to the crown of your head, breathing you in.

He didn't sleep much. Never does when the Tower keeps him out until dawn. He'd come home barely three hours ago, showering three times to scrub the blood and filth from his skin before he got into your bed and wrapped you in his arms, the only place he truly feels clean.

You shift in your sleep and make a small sound that makes his heart do that stupid thing it always does, like it's cracking open and spilling at your feet. He tightens his arm and pulls you close, burring his nose in your hair while his fingers trail up and down your arm.

Like always, he can't seem to stop touching you. His touch seems to wake you up in stages, first you rolling into him, second pressing the back of his chest. He kisses your head, grinning.

Soonyoung eyes the crushed knockout on the nightstand. He'd been surprised when he saw it - rarely do you struggle to sleep that much. "Have trouble sleeping?"

"What?"

"There's lines of crushed knockout on your nightstand, Baby."

You jerk away from him so fast it startles him. Sheets tangle around your legs, making you fumble as you're up and out of bed before he can grab you. You trip toward the bathroom, leaving him confused, mouth open. You don't pay him any mind, ducking into the bathroom and slamming the door shut.

He's on his feet in a heartbeat, panic clawing up his. throat. "Hey-" He says your name, his palm pressed flat to the wood, heart hammering. He hears you vomit on the other side and before he thinks twice, he enters the bathroom.

You're on your knees, clinging to the toilet, shaking so hard that your teeth chatter. It scares him more than anything else could - he has never seen you like this.

Soonyoung moves without thinking, going to resolution mode. He opens the cabinet and cracks open an anti-nausea inhalant, hurrying over to you and holding it out to you. You snatch it without looking at him, your hands trembling so bad you almost drop it.

Distress claws at him. He's seen a lot of death and killed a lot of people, but nothing has made him nervous like this. He sits back on his heels, feeling helpless suddenly, his hands opening and closing at his sides. He doesn't know if he's allowed to touch you, and it takes more effort than he's proud of to resist.

You inhale the medication, slow and deliberate, shaking as you blow out breaths through your mouth. He wonders if you're sick from the food or the knockout or drinking - you don't do much drinking and drugs anymore, and the knockout might be making you sick.

"Thanks," you rasp. "Just hungover. I need a shower."

You're lying. He doesn't know how he knows, but he does. His heart trips over itself, brain trying to figure out what he missed, what he did. You've never lied to him and you've never lurched away from him, which means something happened in the last twelve hours since he's been away from you. He racks his brain, trying to think of what he could have possibly done.

"Alright," Soonyoung says slowly.

He doesn't know what else to do, so he goes to the shower, fully intending to start it for you. You make a sound and he hesitates, glancing at you nervously.

"Alone, please."

The words hit him like a blade between the ribs. Usually you're the one asking him to come shower with you. You like the intimacy of it, like when you get to run your hands over his shoulders and wash away the blood. He likes it because it feels holy, like each time your fingers sweep away the blood, he's born anew.

"What's wrong?" Soonyoung asks. His voice is small, like he's suddenly a boy again.

"Nothing. I just want to shower."

You're lying. You won't even look him in the eyes. He can't remember the last time you tried to do that, to avoid his gaze because if you looked him in the eyes, he'd see right through you. He thinks it might have been when you were teenagers and asking him to kiss you in his room.

Something in Soonyoung turns feral and screaming. He feels it rising, the animal park of him that tears throats out - but this time it's scared. His fight or flight is kicking in and he feels backed into a corner, hands twitchy.

"You can talk to me-"

"I just want to take a fucking shower, Soonyoung." He recoils like you slapped him. He has to blinked to make sure you haven't, the words stinging like a physical blow. "I don't need you crowding my space every five seconds."

He steps aside. He stares at you, unsure what to do. He thinks about falling to his knees and apologizing for whatever he's done, but you dismiss him with a cool, "You can go."

"Alright."

Soonyoung shuffles out, numb. When the door shuts between you, it feels like a gun shot.

Confused, he sits on the edge of the bed, elbows on his knees. He stares at the bathroom door, willing for you to open it and let him in, to say sorry and to tell him what's wrong. He half expects you to. When you don't, he starts to spiral, starts to go through all of the winding roads that could have led here, replaying that last twenty-four hours to figure out where he went wrong.

He comes up empty.

Leg bouncing, he counts down the minutes. He doesn't leave his spot on the bed, staring at the door until he hears the shower turn off. His heart hammers every second he waits for the door to open, and when it does, you don't look at him. You walk straight to the closet, still dripping.

Swallowing, he gets up and follows you because he doesn't know what else to do and because never in his life has he known how to stay away from you. He stops in the doorway, watching you walk through the closet. It's massive - nearly as big as his old bedroom - and filled with clothes that belong to the both of you, one side yours, one side his.

You go to your section of black and start tearing through hangers. He feels his stomach drop - did someone die and he doesn't know? Is that what you don't want to tell him, that someone close to you is dead? It can't be Vernon, he was just with him, right?"

"What's going on?" Soonyoung asks, nausea rising.

You don't turn. "I'm marrying Kim Yijun."

The world turns. Soonyoung braces the doorframe for a moment as his vision tunnels. For one, endless second there is no sound in the entire world except the blood roaring in his ears. It takes him several moments to put together a sentence, the words sticking in his mind like glue as he peels them apart.

"Is that supposed to be a joke?" He can't think of anything else. "I'm not interested in pranks this morning."

"It's not a prank. The Tower has asked this of me and I'll be doing it."

Rage is something Soonyoung is familiar with, but this type of rage is new. It hits him harder and faster than any drug, his vision pulsing red for a few moments as he clings to the doorframe, trying to steady himself.

Of course it's the Tower. The fucking Tower.

"What the fuck are you talking about? You're not fucking marrying Kim Yijun."

Soonyoung walks towards you. He needs to see your eyes, needs to touch you. Needs you to know that he doesn't care what the Tower has asked of you, that Soonyoung can help you, that he can get you out of this. He already has a plan forming, trying to stop the bleeding, reaching out to grab you-

You whirl on him, finger out. "Don't come near me?"

"Why? Because you know you'll lose your resolve? Because the second I touch you, you'll drop whatever the fuck this is and let me help you?"

Soonyoung knows you better than he knows anyone else. He knows every fear you have, every dream, every love, every hate. He knows the sound of your breath, the exact color of your eyes in the sun. He knows what makes you happy, what makes you sad. He knows-

"I will scream," you threaten. His mind short circuits. "I will scream and Seungcheol and Vernon are right down the hall. Whose side do you think they'll take, with your reputation for violence?"

It's the cruelest thing you've ever said to him. It makes his stomach curdle, the bile in his gut burning so bad he thinks he might throw up. His mouth waters, the telltale sign of vomit and his vision blurs a little - with tears or something else he doesn't know.

"Fuck you," he says, voice unsteady. "They know I'd never hurt you."

"Do they, Soonyoung? I hear some of them call you a mad dog because you attack with no regard for anything. Do you really think they trust you entirely with me?"

No. No. They don't. Seungcheol and Vernon have always made that clear, even when they were teenagers. No one trusts you with him. Not entirely. Not even Angel. The world looks at you with him and sees someone who needs a safe passage out, who needs an escape plan.

Suddenly, Soonyoung is eight years old again, standing in your foyer crying because the world is too big and he's too small, and the only person who ever made him feel safe is looking at him like he's an animal, like he's a threat.

He's going to be sick. He's going to vomit. He's going to kill someone - himself - he doesn't know. The urge to hurt, to maim, to do something, to hit something, to break - it nearly makes him sob, every part of him shaking as he glares at you, seeing right through you.

You don't want to do this. If you think you're fooling him, you're an idiot. He sees right through that vicious veneer you're hiding behind, trying to wound him and rage bait him into storming out and leave you to your father's commands.

"You are not marrying Kim Yijun." Soonyoung says this with absolution. He will fucking die before he lets you. "You don't even want to, don't try to lie to me about your feelings or insult me thinking you can bait me. You love me. You are mine."

"I belong to the Choi family and it's what my family needs from me. I will do my duty."

As though from a dream, Soonyoung recalls a conversation with his father years ago. Soonyoung was younger then, and feeling stubborn at a party. She belongs to herself, he'd told his father. The Sentinel's response had been a sad you think so?

It's only now that Soonyoung realizes what his father meant.

"Fuck your family!" He screams, slamming his hands on the marble counter top that stands between you. The impact sings up his arm and the jewelry safes in the counter rattle. "You have a duty to me. I told you I would not fucking let you go. You're not doing it. I'll fucking kill him, you think I won't? I'll murder every last one of them-"

"You don't tell me what to do, Kwon Soonyoung."

Your voice turns to steel. He knows this voice. He hears it only on occasion, and never with him. You speak to him not as you, but as the daughter of the Tower. You speak to him as an heiress trained and bred for ruling, for commanding men and women smaller than you. You speak to him like he's beneath you - because he is.

He knows it. He's always known it.

"I will do this," you growl, voice shaking. "And you will obey." He glares at you, but you don't waver. "When I say jump, you say how high. You've always known that."

No. No no no no no nO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

This is all wrong. This isn't how any of this is supposed to go. Soonyoung begins to panic, licking his lips. He tastes metal - he doesn't remember when he bit through the side of his tongue, but blood blooms in his mouth as he shakes his head, refusing to hear you.

"Don't to this to me." He doesn't know what else to do to stop you. He sees your resolve and he breaks under it. He can't win this arguing with you, so he switches tactics and begs. "I can't - you know I can't. I - please. I can't do this."

It has to work. You have to hear the sincerity, you have to see what this will do to him. He told you - he told you - all those nights ago. He told you that you'd never be able to leave him, that he wouldn't survive it. That it would destroy him in a way that nothing else could.

For a split second, the pain in your eyes is so visceral he thinks he's won. He feels a brief moment of relief, so sure that you're going to crack and let him help.

Then the moment is gone. The stone cold mountain of the Choi family moniker slides into space and Soonyoung watches you kill any sort of hope of fighting this, of letting him get to you. You stare at him with an expression so alien he feels himself take a step back, more afraid of you than he's ever been.

"You can," you tell him, dismissive. "And you will, because I told you to jump, Soonyoung. Now ask how high."

-

Soonyoung's suicide attempt doesn't work.

It's not for lack of trying. He takes so many knockout pills that when he falls down in the safe house he's been staying at, he feels the life start to flicker out of him like the buzzing of a dying insect. His vision whites out. His heart slams once, twice, then stutters like it's trying to tear itself free of his ribs.

For a single, perfect second, there is no you. No Tower. No Kim Yijun. Nothing. Just static and the sound of his own blood screaming.

He wakes up, though. He realizes he's still breathing, still here. There's vomit all over the floor next to him and crusted on his mouth and he groans, realizing his body saved him, at some point.

He tries again.

Soonyoung sits on the floor with his back against a couch, hands shaking. He melts down frostbyte over a spoon, ignoring the acrid smell and the fact that he's never done this before. The flame dances under the spoon's belly, beautiful and clean. When it liquefies, he puts it in the needle.

He ties off his arm with a belt - it's all he has. The needle is dull and he doesn't remember where he got it from, but he doesn't really care. He slides it home in the crook of his elbow, right over the vein that will send the frostbyte right into the bloodstream and straight to his nervous system.

He pushes the plunger slow - the rush is violent.

Soonyoung falls over, needle scattering. He can barely breath, his heart beating so hard that he's relieved - this will work. This will be the end. Except he can't help but roll over and vomit again, puking blue all over the carpet until he's gasping for air.

He screams. Soonyoung has a body built for war, trained to survive Syndicate torture and and conditioned to keep standing long after it should fall. He's conditioned to refuse death and he hates it, screaming his rage into the empty apartment until his throat bleeds and his finger nails are bloody.

When the sun rises, he's still alive. He hates himself for it. He lays on the floor, barely breathing, barely seeing, staring at the gun on the table. He could do it. He could crawl to the weapon and put it in his mouth and pull. He's thought about it a hundred times, a thousand. But something about it feels wrong. Too violent.

Soonyoung thinks you should have killed him. It would have been easier. You've always been stronger than he has. It's why you were able to do what your father has asked, to swallow your pride and grin and bear it. Soonyoung is fucking weak. He doesn't know how to do that. Doesn't know how to live without you.

So he wishes you'd just end it for him, to put your finger on the trigger and the gun to his head. You've virtually done that anyway. Why not just go all the way? Aim it at his chest? Let the darkness take him?

It's a pathetic fucking excuse. He berates himself over and over again, telling himself he's weak. That his father was right. That Soonyoung's love makes him worth nothing, turns him into something useless. A mindless tool to kill.

So he does what he was bred to do.

The first man he kills is a Yong runner who made the mistake of bragging in the Salt about the new foreign guns coming in. Soonyoung finds him outside of a whore house, drags him into the alley, and beats him to death with his bare hands. He doesn't ask the man questions - he isn't looking for information. He doesn't even stop when the man stops screaming. He keeps going until he tires himself out, then he moves on.

Soonyoung burns through the Lower District like a plague. Every night he comes back to the safe house covered in someone else's blood. Every day he gets his assignments from Old Man Vero and goes on a killing spree. He doesn't even get the answers Vero is looking for. He just turns his victims to pulp and moves on.

It's Jeonghan who tries to talk to him first. He corners Soonyoung at a bar, nudging the younger into a shadowy alcove. Soonyoung wants to shove Jeonghan away, but he's just as wary of Yoon Minji's son as he is the step daughter, too much of the Wisdom hammered into Jeonghan and Angel to make them easily dismissed.

"You're going to get yourself killed," Jeonghan warns.

"Good."

"You think dying is the answer?"

Soonyoung scoffs and shoves past Jeonghan. "I died a long time ago. This is just a body. Who cares."

Soonyoung has no mind. Soonyoung has no goals. Soonyoung has nothing to care about.

He's just a body.

-

A few months pass.

- A year passes.

- Soonyoung keeps counting. He hates it. He can't help it.

-

Another year passes and Soonyoung counts every single day the way other people count breaths. He knows exactly how many days it's been since you killed him but simultaneously doesn't know the day at all. He lives in the liminal space between exactness and nothingness, floating back and forth between knowing every detail of his life since you left him and knowing nothing at all.

Tonight is one of the worse nights. He doesn't see you much, but as he stands on the balcony of the Grand Atrium in the Legal District, he spots you immediately. You're impossible to miss, even for someone not as devoted to you as he is. Beneath him, the gala swirls in crystal and silk and holograms, but you could be the fucking center piece.

You're in Kim green which makes Soonyoung sick. The dress clings to every line of you that he used to trace with his mouth. Your hair is swept up, exposing the slope of your neck. He imagines his teeth marks are still there, that he's left something permanent on you, something everyone else has to see.

Yijun's hand is on the small of your back and Soonyoung grinds his teeth. He watches, fingers twitching as Yijun leans in to say something against your ear. You laugh but it's polite, not real. He knows your manufactured laugh better than anyone, and it's both heaven and hell to hear you but know that it isn't real.

You never look up. Not once. He's not sure if he's miserable or grateful for it. He doesn't know if he can stand to see your eyes or if it'll make him feel better, a temporary high. He stands there for four hours and twenty minutes, watching Yijun lead you through the party, watching you tilt your head just so to let your husband kiss you briefly on the cheek.

Soonyoung doesn't move. Doesn't breathe.

He's just a body.

When the night finally ends and the last of the Choi family drifts out into the rain, he rips the earpiece from his skull and stalks away from the balcony. He doesn't have to go very far. He'd selected the girl from the Han family hours ago, keeping tabs on the silver dress and the way she grins at him.

Everyone wants a go at him since you left him. It doesn't matter.

He's just a body.

Soonyoung doesn't remember her name when he coaxes her to his car. She giggles all the while, flashing him a smile. He knows she's thrilled - everyone has been talking about the abandoned Sword of the Choi Syndicate. Sleeping with him is a sort of game the women like to play now, trying to get under your skin and sleeping with him because they think it'll bring them closer to the fold.

Everyone wants to fix him. Every girl he brings to his apartment thinks they'll be the one, that they're different. They can mend him. Heal what's broken. Pick up the pieces. But Soonyoung isn't broken - there's nothing to fix.

He's just a body.

The apartment is bare. Concrete walls. No photos. A bed. He doesn't turn the lights on when he brings the woman in. She says his apartment is nice. He doesn't care if she's lying or not. He just pushes her up against the door first, pulling her dress up to fuck her hard and fast. He closes his eyes and pretends its you.

Soonyoung takes her to the bed next, ripping off the dress. He doesn't care that he ruins it. It's in his way and she's eager, wet and open, begging and whining his name. He ignores her seeking hands and flips her over where she can't reach him so he can spread her thighs and drive into her.

Every thrust is mechanical and disconnected. He doesn't pretend its you anymore - it's not working. Instead, he just thinks of you. He thinks about your mouth, the way you used to gasp his name, the way you used to curl your fingers in his hair when he made you shake.

He comes with your name locked behind his teeth.

After, the woman tries to curl into him. He recoils, flinching away from her. He's on his feet in a second, walking toward the bathroom and turning on the shower. He doesn't care what she does after, he just wants the hot water to wash everything away.

He looks in the mirror. There are red marks all over him - he hadn't even realized he let her touch him. They tear down his chest and around his shoulders, wrapping around his waist. There are teeth marks too that he doesn't remember getting. He ignores them to get in the shower.

He's just a body.

Soonyoung scrubs himself raw. He feels the skin peeling away, the harsh scratch of the sponge painful as he grinds it into himself. The water is so hot he feels light headed, the room spinning until he can't take it anymore and he steps out the shower. He takes a few breaths and looks at his arms and chest. The marks are still there, so he gets back in. Scrubs again.

He doesn't feel clean - he never does. He scrubs anyway, working at the scratch marks until his skin is so raw that the air stings when he steps out. He thinks they're still there, but he realizes it doesn't even matter.

He's just a body.

- The Pit is buried three levels beneath the Lower District in the Under City. Once upon a time, Soonyoung hated the Under City. If you knew he was here - he wipes away the thought. It doesn't matter what you do or don't know. Soonyoung isn't your responsibility anymore - you'd made that fucking choice for him.

It smells horrid in the Under City, a network of black market augmentation clinics, undocumented brothels, and Tap centrals that smell like burnt sugar. At it's inception, the Under City was supposed to be a network of extended living for service workers and for more people to live. The thought of people being force to live underground was barbaric even to Soonyoung, but the Choi Syndicate had blocked the bill for it, forcing the City Council to expand apartment buildings into the Warehouse District for workers.

A single good deed breeding evil unintentionally, as often happens.

Soonyoung sits in the crowded room, the concrete pillars throbbing with violet holo veins. The floor is stained permanently with rust brown, and the cage in the center is warped chain link with razor wire at the top that sparks when hit.

Though it's unofficial, the Choi Syndicate owns The Pit. The fights, the bookies, the Taps dealing syndust and frostbyte - they're all under the Choi banner. It had belong to the Yong family a generation ago, but Yoon Minji has perfected the art of hostile takeover.

Soonyoung comes here weekly now - three, four nights. Whenever he feels like it. The smell never improves and the crowd leaves him feeling dirtier than ever, but he can't stop, a new addiction he can't quit.

He's shirtless, his tattoos slick with sweat in the neon light. His knuckles are already split from two fights he's had tonight, but the grin on his face is wide and sharp. He feels alive, like his blood is singing. Or maybe that's the syndust. The frostbyte. He doesn't know, but he feels like he can breathe and like thoughts of you are farther away here, like you can't reach him, unwilling to step foot in the hell hole he's hiding in.

Junhui walks down the steps from the cage, wiping blood from his split eyebrow with the back of a taped hand. He's the only regular that Soonyoung speaks to - Choi-owned house fighter with sharp cat eyes and reflexes faster than most Swords. He sees Soonyoung coming and starts shaking his head long before the Sword can get there.

"Don't," Junhui mutters. "You're already bleeding all over, man."

Soonyoung grins. "The night's still young, Jun."

Soonyoung spots his next target lounging in the crowd on a couch. Kang Daeho - Reaper - is a Yong family Sword that's been coming here for months. Soonyoung has watched him fight - he fights with the same, mindless rage that Soonyoung does. He's in line to be a potential Sentinel for the Yong Syndicate, and for some reason, that doesn't sit well with Soonyoung.

Mentally unstable members of the Syndicate shouldn't lead the military. Soonyoung would know.

Reaper smirks when he sees Soonyoung coming. The crowd parts around the Choi Sword like water, watching him go, eyes flicking back and forth between Reaper and Soonyoung. They realize the potential of the matchup - and the stupidity of it. But they're in neutral - theoretically - territory, and Soonyoung feels like testing himself.

"Kwon," Reaper grins. "You're here more and more these days. Pretty prince likes to bleed?"

Soonyoung smiles, all teeth. "Pretty prince likes to fight people his own caliber."

Reaper leans forward. "You want the cage, Mad Dog?"

"Yeah, but I'll even make it fair since you like an advantage." Soonyoung reaches into his back pocket and reveals a sleek, matte black karambit. The knife is curved and lethal, shining in the light as he tosses it at Reaper's feet. It spins on the concrete. "I'll get nothing."

"You suicidal, Kwon?"

"Just bored."

Soonyoung turns his back on Reaper. It's an insult. He knows it is and by the sound of the crowd around him, they know it is. Junhui is watching him with a guarded expression, frowning as Soonyoung nears the cage.

"What are you doing?" Junhui asks, growling the question through his teeth.

Soonyoung ignores him.

Instead, he palms the cage door, feeling the faint vibration of the razor wire crackling overhead. The metal is warm from the last fight, streaked with someone else's blood. Maybe Junhui's, maybe Junhui's last victim. He doesn't know. It doesn't really matter. Nothing matters here except the moment he steps into the cage and turns, watching Reaper approach.

Soonyoung's eyes dart to the floor where he left the knife. It's not there, despite Reaper looking unarmed as he steps into the cage, the crowd surging forward to get a good look at them. The door closes behind the Yong Sword and locks shut, the click lost under the roar of the crowd.

He rolls his shoulders, watching Reaper as they wait for bets to be placed. Soonyoung tries to shake the tremor working it's way up his spine. It isn't fear - never fear. It's anticipation, the kind that burns and that makes everything else feel far away, left to fade into static.

Behind Soonyoung, Junhui's voice comes through the chain link, "He's doped to shit, Hosh. Be careful."

Junhui's right. Reaper's eyes are blown wide, nearly swallowing his irises whole. Soonyoung shrugs in repsonse though. He knew that already. He doesn't really care.

The Pit lights dim, leaving only the violent violet glow humming through the pillars and the overhead wires sparking faintly. It throws jagged shadows across Reaper's face, making him look like an ugly gargoyle. The thought makes Soonyoung start laughing and Reaper gets pissed.

He launches himself at Soonyoung, predictably aggressive. Soonyoung slips under the initial punch, feeling the heat of it. He returns with a sharp jab to Reaper's ribs and a blinding hook to the jaw, sending the crowd roaring.

The press of bodies makes the cage creak. Soonyoung grins as Reaper stumbles a half step, rage chewing through him. He spits blood on the ground. "Soft hands, Kwon. Too much luxury."

"Show me how to hit, then."

Reaper obliges, lunging at Soonyoung with a flurry that's more strength and muscle than refined technique. Because that's the difference between Soonyoung's fighting and this wasteful excuse for a Sword - Soonyoung is refined with years of fighting people better than him. Reaper only ever punches down.

Soonyoung blocks the first strike and rolls the second off his shoulder, burying his knee in Reaper's gut. The man wheezes, eyes furious. Soonyoung smiles and presses his advantage, striking upward with his palm to Reaper's chin, followed by a sweep that sends Reaper to the ground.

The Pit goes feral around them. Soonyoung laughs, spreading his arms wide as the crowd presses against the metal, the cage warping under their weight. Reaper scrambles up to a knee behind him, panting, blood dripping from his now.

"You're fucking dead," Reaper spits. "Little cunt."

"Show me."

His hand darts behind his back, quick and practice, the steel karambit glinting in his hand. A wild ripple goes through the crowd as they scream at Reaper to gut Soonyoung. They don't care who wins, they just want to see someone get carved clean.

No one calls off the fight. There are no rules once someone is in the cage, even if they're cheating. Soonyoung circles Reaper, grinning the entire time, adrenaline pumping in his veins. He feels the vibration of the crowd and he comes alive, opening his arms eagerly again as Reaper charges him.

Soonyoung barely dodges the first slash. The second grazes his bicep, opening up a ribbon of red on his arm. He feels the sting and the warmth of blood and his heartbeat spikes with utter clarity. A clean, cool feeling washes over him.

The next swipe catches him across the ribs, opening up a shallow line of scarlet across one of Soonyoung's tattoos. He doesn't care. He slams into Reaper with his entire body, sending the man back into the chain link. The crowd grabs at him, slipping their fingers through the fence, poking, prodding.

Reaper rips away from them, surging forward. Soonyoung stands in the middle of the cage and lifts a hand, flicking his hand in a come hither motion. Reaper charges. He's so angry and off balance that it takes the fun out of it when Soonyoung ducks under the swipe and punches his opponent in the kidney.

The man goes down hard. Soonyoung doesn't stop though. The crowd eggs him on and he gives them what they want, raining a fury of blows onto Reaper, his knuckles splitting, his hands cracking. He see's red - in his vision and on his hands and on Reaper's face. Soonyoung feels the stab of the blade in his thigh but he doesn't stop. He hits and hits and hits until he has Reaper on the floor under him.

Soonyoung goes for the throat. He presses his arm into Reaper's thick neck, leaning away as the man tries to grab for the knife in Soonyoung's thigh, grab for Soonyoung's arms - anything. He thrashes and Soonyoung laughs, leaning over him with blown eyes as he chokes the life from the Yong Sword.

Around them, the crowd frenzies. He hears them screaming and throwing things into the cage as Reaper's legs kick out under Soonyoung. His face goes from red, to violet, to purple. The slaps come slower, softer. Soonyoung presses harder, feeling the crack of a windpipe.

Reaper gives two wet rasps. One.

Then he sags, eyes rolling back. Soonyoung doesn't let up. He counts every thud of his racing heart, his pulse loud enough in his ears that he uses them to track the seconds, to make sure that this isn't a blackout, that it's death.

Finally, he relents. The crowd is screaming for him when he rises and spreads his arms, laughing, face tilted up toward the light. Junhui watches from the crowd, silent and unmoved. Soonyoung doesn't care. Soonyoung lets the crowd scream for him. No - not him. For the weapon he is, not the person he is, because he's not a person.

He's just a body.

-

It smells like rust and wet concrete in the warehouse. Rain hammers the corrugated roof in sheets, loud enough to drown out the low throb of Vernon's music leaking from his earbuds. they're crouched behind a stack of shipping crates stamped with the dragon of the Yong family, watching men and women from the Yong Syndicate load crates unto an unmarked van.

It's a simple job tonight. Confirm the contents of the shipment, tag it, get out. No bodies unless absolutely necessary. Which is why Soonyoung has no idea why Jeonghan has asked Soonyoung and Vernon to preside over this. Their specialty is bodies.

Vernon nudges Soonyoung with an elbow. He glances at Vernon, who pulls one earbud out and tilts his head toward the far exit. Soonyoung shrugs and follows Vernon as they drift along the wall, boots silent on the oil-stained floor. Laughter echos behind them and Soonyoung's jaw flexes.

"That's not the job," Vernon whispers. Soonyoung looks up and realizes his hand has moved to his gun. Of course Vernon noticed - he notices everything. Vernon is as close to a replica of Angel and Jeonghan as anyone outside the Yoon family can be.

And he's right. So Soonyoung breathes through his nose, trying to remember what it feels like to care about orders. Vernon is still watching him in that patient way of his - infuriating.

For once, Soonyoung waits. They watch as the Yong members finish loading the crates and slam the van doors. Vernon takes something out of his pocket and clicks it, looking at the group of workers before he stands to his full height and throws something hard at the van. The ping of the beacon against the wheel well is lost in the sound of rain as it leaves the warehouse.

Soonyoung pulls his phone out and shows Vernon the blinking beacon as it drives away. Vernon nods, pleased. Together, they slide out of the warehouse and into the pouring rain. Vernon's silhouette is black next to Soonyoung as they rush through the dark. The city is a neon smear in the distance, the air of the Warehouse District tinged with salt.

For a while, they don't speak. Soonyoung doesn't know where they're going - he just follows the Rook, their boots splashing in trash-choked gutters as they move block after block.

Finally, Vernon glances at him. "You're off course."

"Tell me something I don't know. She ask you to talk to me?"

Vernon blinks, rain water clinging to his lashes. "No. This isn't about her. It's about you."

Both of them stop walking. Rain drums on the hood of Soonyoung's jacket as he stares at Vernon. The Rook stares back, his face painted red by the neon pharmacy sign, his dark eyes unreadable.

"You're not going to get promoted to Sentinel like this," Vernon says. Simple. Efficient. "You can't turn every job into a bloodbath because you're trying to feel something that isn't there anymore."

Soonyoung's throat works. He wants to laugh - wants to punch something. Wants to disappear into the rain and never come back. If it were anyone else, he would spit in their face. But it's Vernon - Vernon who never asks for anything. Vernon who sat with him the night his parents died and didn't say a single fucking word, just passed him a water bottle and let him cry.

Vernon who has never brought you up to him since you broke up. Ever.

"Yeah," Soonyoung answers eventually. "I know. You think I don't notice they look at me like I'm broken?"

"Then stop breaking." Soonyoung scoffs then. Vernon's eyes flash and Soonyoung is reminded that Vernon isn't a sword, but he is a Rook - and a dangerous one. Beneath the layers of calm, Vernon is lethal, a weapon made for applying pressure. "Man, stop acting like you don't fucking matter."

"I don't."

"Pretty fucked up thing to say to me." Vernon puts his hands in his pockets. "You matter to me. To Angel. To Chan. Even to Seungkwan, usually."

"Yeah, well."

"Well what?" Vernon challenges. It's the first time Soonyoung's ever heard him mad. He steps closer to Soonyoung, challenging him. "You think us caring doesn't count? So what - if we died, you don't give a shit anymore?"

"That isn't what I said."

"It's how you act. Stop treating our love for you like it doesn't fucking matter. Pretty shitty thing to do."

Soonyoung's mouth opens and closes. The rain keeps falling and he stares at Vernon. It's probably the most eye contact they've made since they were teenagers in the training room and Vernon was trying to warn Soonyoung about his affection for you. Now, Vernon is unwavering, his mouth a flat line.

For the first time in a long time, Soonyoung feels bad. If it were anyone else, it might be less effective, but with Vernon, it catches him off guard. Makes him unsettled as Vernon waits, hands in his pockets, shoulders loose like he's ready to stand here all night in the rain. He probably is.

"I didn't mean it like that," Soonyoung finally mutters, chagrined. "I just… don't know how to carry it anymore. All of it."

Vernon rolls his eyes. "Then stop carrying it alone, dumb ass."

It catches Soonyoung so off guard he laughs, a wet and unfamiliar thing. The neon sign above them flickers, bathing them in red, then dark, then red again. Soonyoung's chest feels too tight, like Vernon has wedged a knife in and is cracking it open.

Instead of pushing, Vernon steps back, tilting his head toward the end of the block where the car waits. "Come on. I want ramen. Angel is probably hungry."

"I don't like that one ramen place she likes."

It's such a normal response that Soonyoung blinks in surprise - he hadn't expected himself to go with it. Vernon doesn't make a big deal of it, walking off to the car to leave Soonyoung hurrying after him. Their shoulders brush and Soonyoung doesn't retreat for once, suddenly feeling a little less hollow and a little more him.

"Yeah, well. Too bad. You've treated her like shit. She gets first choice."

"Alright, I guess."

For the first time in longer than he can remember, Soonyoung thinks perhaps he's more than just a body.

Maybe.

-

The Tower is dead.

The words don't feel real yet. Rain sluices across the blacked out glass of his apartment windows, the low hum of thunder in the distance vibrating through the walls. Soonyoung rubs a hand over his face, sitting on the edge of his mattress in nothing but black sweatpants. He stares at his phone, the call from Angel ending ten minutes ago.

It feels weird. He doesn't know how he should react. He's hated the Tower for so long now that he thinks he's supposed to feel pleasure, but he doesn't. There really isn't anything there. All that's left is a what next?

Choi Moojin had been sick for a while. Ever since your mother died, he'd been a shadow of himself. Seungcheol has been slowly taking over for so long that it feels like the transfer of power already happened, like your brother has been the stoic leader of the Choi Syndicate for years now.

There's a lot that needs to happen. Soonyoung has never been through the death of a Tower, but he knows his days are about to become sleepless. Seungcheol will need to weed out anyone who seeks to unseat him or doesn't want him to inherit the title - though Soonyoung can't imagine there's much of that. He'll need to establish his panel of confidants and potentially switch Architects and Wisdoms if he feels like it, and -

A phone rings. Soonyoung looks down at his phone and frowns. His phone isn't ringing - it's still open on the call logs that shows when Angel dialed in. It takes him a second to realize that the ringing is coming from his nightstand.

Dread hits him like ice water. He only keeps his gun and the burner phone he owns in his drawer - his burner phone that he has for you, the only person in the world who knows that number, specifically given to you in case you ever needed him.

Soonyoung dives toward the drawer, ripping it open and fumbling with the device as he picks it up, hands shaking. He answers on the fourth ring, his voice trembling "Where are you?"

"The Kim family has turned on the Choi's," you whisper, voice raw. "They're mobilizing for a full-scale attack in roughly two hours. The Yong family is helping them. They're at the estate and all over the city. Anyone who is important to us regardless of position will need to be warned. The Yong family is handling the Pearl District and the Salt."

The world narrows to a single point of focus. He's already moving, pulling on a shirt. He rips open his weapons locker and the motion lights flicker on, flaring blood red across him. He texts Jeonghan a red alert code on his phone, tossing it aside.

"How many men at Yijun's estate?" He drags his pants on one handed, wedging the phone between his shoulder and face. "Are you armed?"

“There are men at the guard house and one walking the perimeter. It’s just me and Yijun inside, I think Minchan is leaving. I’ve got a knife.”

He straps guns to his leg and slides knives into the holsters at his thigh. “Where are you in the house?”

“Bedroom, second landing to the right and all the way at the end of the hall. There are windows but they don’t open.”

You recite everything back to him with meticulous clarity. His heart is slamming in his ribcage so hard he thinks about that time he tried to kill himself with frostbyte. He feels like that now, like this might send him over the edge, because he understands what you're saying and he can't bare it.

The best he can do for you is keep you calm and tell you exactly what you need to do to survive the next thirty minutes. He doesn't know if you can, but he prays to any god that will hear him that you do.

"Listen to me," he says, voice soft. "The second we start moving into position to accept the assault, they'll know something is off. When that happens, Yijun is going to try to kill you, do you understand?" You say nothing and he slams his weapon's locker shut. "Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"I need you to fight back." He swallows past the sudden sob in his throat. "Either kill him or hold him off until I'm there."

"You need to warn-"

"Don't worry about the fucking Syndicate! We'll be fine." He glances at his phone to see Jeonghan calling him. He ignores it. "You've given us more than enough time. I need you to be entirely focused on yourself."

"Okay."

"Do you have frostbyte?"

"Maybe?" He hears you move on the other end of the line. "Yijun might have it in the nightstand."

"Take some." Soonyoung heads for the door. "Not enough to fuck you up, but enough to pump that adrenaline and make your head clear. I will be there in thirty minutes."

"Okay."

Rain hammers down outside. He flies down the stairs, the phone pressed to his ear. He's not willing to hang up on you. He ignores Jeonghan's call again and pings your location. Twenty-seven minutes. He needs to cut it in half.

"Hey," Soonyoung says when he realizes you're still there, breathing heavily. "Do what I said. Do the frostbyte and kill him if you have to." Jeonghan starts calling again and his heart aches. "I have to go."

"Okay."

"I'll see you in thirty minutes." He says it because he needs it to be true. Says it to will it into the universe. He's never been good at that, but he tries it now. He swallows as he runs to his car, rain warm against his skin. "I love you."

It kills him to say it, but he needs you to hear it. Soonyoung needs you to know it, because if he can't say it to you again-

He can't think about it. Not right now as he dials Jeonghan, peeling out in his car. Jeonghan answers breathless and angry but Soonyoung cuts him off, "Full scale. Kim and Yong family moving on us in two hours. Yong in the Pearl District and the Salt. I'm going to extract the Tower's daughter."

"We're moving." Jeonghan shouts on the other side of the line. "We're sending a team to-"

"I'm faster."

"I'll send medical your way in case."

"Call your mom. They'll target her and Old Man Vero. Probably Angel - she's working-"

"Vernon is on her now. Wisdom is in her safe house already." Soonyoung's car fish tales as he hits the road, flying. "Bring her home, Soonyoung."

He intends to.

Soonyoung barely sees the city flash by. He drives like a demon straight from hell, applying every single trick of street racing Seungkwan has ever taught him. Soonyoung isn't much for fast reflexes behind the wheel, but he tries. For you. He tries for you, because every minute he's stuck in traffic is another minute closer to your death.

He cannot fathom the end of you. So he doesn't let himself. He focuses on the drive and hopes that the information you've risked to give him pays off. Jeonghan and Seungcheol have to handle the Syndicate now - Soonyoung's only concern is you. His friends will need to make it through the next however many hours alone until he can get you somewhere safe.

Safe.

How many times has Soonyoung driven to this exact estate and stared at the walls, thinking of climbing them? How many times has he thought about killing this family, taking you away, and driving you to the safe house be bought for you? The place he painstakingly built for this exact purpose, to extract you and take you back.

Countless, probably. You were never safe so long as you were hidden in the belly of the Kim family, and it was foolish for the old Tower to ever think you would be.

The Kim Estate sits on a hill, dark as cold glass. Soonyoung kills the engine and gets out the car, running in the rain. The gatehouse is exactly where he remembers it, lit with gold light and manned by two guards.

They don't see him coming in the rain. He appears like a phantom, gun raised as he steps into the open door and kills the first guard. He shields his body with the dying guard as the other turns to him, but he doesn't need to. Soonyoung pulls the trigger and kills the other guard before she can stand and she dies in her chair.

He leaves them bleeding as he jumps the fence, hands slick with blood. Wet earth sucks at his boots as he jogs. He slinks past the koi pond and marble statues of some deities he knows nothing about. He knows every inch of the Kim Estate grounds, having memorized it years ago when he used to dream about coming here in the dark and taking you back.

He never did.

Soonyoung finds the guard on perimeter and shoots twice. He falls, dead somewhere in the wet grass. Soonyoung keeps moving toward the house, the inside lit up with lamplight. He goes to the front door and curses when he realizes it's a biometric lock, forcing him back out into the downpour to find the guard on perimeter.

Cutting off the guard's hand costs him time he cannot afford to lose. He curses as he bolts back to the front door, slamming the bloody hand against the scanner. It flashes green and Soonyoung is through the door, tossing the part somewhere on the front long where it fucking belongs.

It smells like cedar wood inside the house. He enters with his heart hammering, gun raise, knife out. He spots the steps and climbs them. He strains his ears to hear anything, but there's nothing but the rain against the windows and his own ragged breathing as he climbs.

He's so nervous he doesn't see the vase near the top of the stairs. Soonyoung crashes into it and curses immediately, knocking it over. He fucks it all to hell and runs down the hallway, forsaking stealth for time.

Please be alive. It's all he can think as he approaches your bedroom. Please be alive, please be alive, please be alive, pleASE BE ALIVE, PLEASE-

You're on the ground covered in blood and for the briefest moment, Soonyoung doesn't see you. He sees his mother, laying in her bed with her palm under her hand, barely away, covered in scarlet. He blinks and he sees you again, panting, knife in hand, teeth bared.

Yijun is behind you, neck gored and bleeding. You're so slick with blood that it makes Soonyoung hesitate for the barest of seconds, taken aback. He's never seen you anything less than perfect and right now, you look like a creature from another dimension, face swollen, nose broken, eyes feral.

You're alive, though.

Soonyoung drops the gun. It's stupid - he doesn't know if he's actually clear the house. But you're alive and you're on your knees and you're alive. He grabs your face, hands trembling as he presses your cheeks between his palm, turning your face side to side to examine you.

"Where are you bleeding?" He asks, trying to find the source of the blood. You don't answer him, blinking up at him, pupils the size of saucers. "Baby. Hey, I need you to answer me. Where are you bleeding?"

You blink at him and your words come out heavy and syrupy. "S'mostly his. Maybe broke my nose."

Fuck. Fuck. He knows you can't feel the pain because of the drugs and adrenaline, but he needs to get you out of here. His finger brushes across your cheek, butterfly soft, as though he might break you. He fears he might - you look fragile right now, delicate like a moth's wing.

"Can you walk if I help you?" You shake your head. "Okay. I'm going to lift you up, alright? Tell me where it hurts so I don't hurt you, Baby."

"Ribs."

"Left or right?"

"Right."

"Okay, tell me if I hurt you okay? I'm going to take you home."

Home. He doesn't mean the Choi Estate. He doesn't mean his apartment - never his apartment, filthy and sullied by other women. He means away from here and with him. Because your home is with him and no where else. It always has been.

"Thank you."

Your voice is soft and broken. He looks at you in surprise, leaning back to catch your eyes. You're crying - he's not sure you even realize that you are. The tears streak through the blood and fuck, even like this, you are the most beautiful creature he's ever seen.

"You didn't have to come get me," you whisper, voice small.

It shatters something inside of him. Don't you know? Don't you know what he would do for you? That even in his darkest moments where he waited to die, all he thought of was you? That even when he tried to hate you and when he tried to burn away every piece of himself, if you had asked, he'd have been there in a second?

You obviously don't know. Stupid. He'll worry about it later. Right now, all he cares about is getting you out of this house and somewhere safe, knowing that the walls are closing in on you both fast. He lifts you gently, trying to be careful with your ribs. You hiss anyway as you lean into him.

"Of course I did," Soonyoung murmurs softly. "When you say jump, remember?"

He's not sure you hear him. You're barely lucid, the fight draining from you now that he's here. You let him lift you and cradle him to his chest and you're so much lighter than he remembers. It makes him sick. He glances at Yijun's body and a thread of savage satisfaction goes through him. You haven't just murdered Yijun - you've ravaged him, tearing through his throat to the spine.

Soonyoung spits on the floor of your bedroom and carries you out. Your head lolls against his throat and he tightens his grip on you, hyper aware of your shallow breathing against his neck. He tries to be as smooth as he can down the stairs, worried about jostling you. If you feel pain, you don't show it. You just cling to him like if you let go you'll die.

He gets it. When Soonyoung puts you in the passenger seat of his car, he has to convince himself to let you go. His hands linger for a second and he stares at you as your eyes flutter, barely awake. He runs his fingers across the crown of your forehead, remembering the shape perfectly.

His phone starts to ring and he snaps out of it. Standing, he closes your side of the door gently and rounds the car, getting in and starting the engine. He looks at you again before he puts it in drive, heart fluttering, worried. He's pretty sure you have a concussion, a broken nose, and broken ribs, but you otherwise seem unharmed.

Swallowing, he hits the gas, tires peeling on the road. You sag toward him, like you're seeking his presence. He can't help it - he reaches over the console for you, wrapping his hand in yours. You don't squeeze back but your fingers twitch so he doesn't let go as the phone rings again.

He answers. "I've got her. We're heading to our meet location."

"Do you need a med team?" It's Seungcheol who asks. "Yes. Send one to our location. Nothing deadly. Broken bones."

"We're about to accept assault. Take the long way."

"Heard."

"Soonyoung?"

Soonyoung swallows thickly, tightening his hand on the wheel as rain washes over the window. "Yes, Tower?"

"Thank you, brother." Seungcheol pauses. "I love you."

"Love you too."

Soonyoung drives, his hand in yours after years of suffering, the sound of the rain pattering on the roof of the car as he drives toward the coast. You mumble something and he turns to look at you, split between making sure you're okay and not driving off the road.

"What, Baby?"

"Had to," you mumble. He's not sure if you're actually awake or aware the words are coming out of your mouth, but you continue to mumble. "Had to. Didn't want to. Was gonna kill you, though."

"What do you mean?"

"Dad?"

He frowns. "Dad?"

You nod and groan, like it hurts to think hard. He tries to hush you, but you seem dead set on getting this out. "Didn't want him to hurt you. Hated him for it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did it to you."

Slowly, he puts the pieces of what you're saying together. His stomach twists, equal parts rage and regret that he hadn't thought about it sooner. He doesn't know what to say, staring out the rainy dash, the black water of the coast ahead with Hyperion a glowing smudge of neon to the west.

"Moojin said he would kill me?" He asks, cause he needs to hear it for sure. "That's why you did it?"

"Yeah." You sniff. Then, quieter. "I'm glad he's dead."

Soonyoung's heart aches. Not because he feels for your father, but because he knows it isn't true. He wonders how long you've wrestled with hating and loving your father. You'd always been so unaware of the lengths the old Tower would go to, but Soonyoung never faulted you for it - and he doesn't now.

You drift to sleep again, conversation forgotten, and he lets you. He hopes you don't remember saying that you were glad your father was dead. In a better state, he doesn't think you would say it again. He understands the complexity of hating something you held so dear to you - he just never imagined he would get it back.

Soonyoung doesn't let himself think of the past. He decides in that moment he only wants to move forward, that he has his sights set on the what comes next. He has loved you his entire lifetime and he's prepared to love you for hundreds of more - thousands of more. He doesn't care about anything before now. Now, he has you in the passenger seat, driving you to a safe place he carved out for you, like he always knew it would come to this.

As long as he can be with you, Soonyoung knows it'll be enough.

Soonyoung’s eyebrows draw together. Of course Seungcheol knows him– he’d expect nothing less of his investor to have someone on the inside to keep a close eye, but what takes him aback is that you seem to know him too. 

“What’ll you have me tell Sugar, Miss?” asks Seungcheol.

There’s a long silence before you answer. 

“Are you sure it’s Soonyoung?” you ask shortly. 

“We are,” insists Seungcheol. “Minghao checked the records and the safe, too. He’s ready for something– seems he’s been getting ready for some time.”

Soonyoung’s blood runs cold. They know. Shit– it’s a wonder they haven’t got him tied to a chair and beaten blue already. He needs to go, needs to take the case he’s kept hidden for months, needs to take the money (if it’s still there) and leave this wretched place– but you, and the sudden quandary of your involvement in this keeps him rooted to the spot. Do you work for them too? Have you been telling Sugar all his secrets? Was spying on him the sole reason you seduced him, all those years ago?

“Miss– Miss are you listening? Your father wants you to handle this yourself.”

Father. 

Your father. 

Soonyoung almost loses his stomach, right there in the corridor.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

June 1923

“Why The Blue Pearl?” you ask, passing him your half-smoked cigarette. 

Soonyoung has lost count of the amount of times he’s laid like this with you, in his little apartment in Hell’s Kitchen, but tonight is special. It’s his birthday, and although it’s a Monday, you brought him a cake, haphazardly decorated (but at least delicious), and told him to make a wish.

You’re in your slip, palest pink, which was bunched up around your waist only ten minutes prior, with your bare legs resting over his. He told you once his favourite part of you were your legs, but they’re not. It’s your eyes, and the starshine within them. 

“For my mother,” he answers, flicking the ash into a tray on his nightstand and taking a drag. “She loved Edith Hallor. They worked on Broadway together, she even came for dinner at the house a few times.” 

“Your mother’s an actress?” The surprise is evident in your voice. 

“Nah. She worked on costumes.” Soonyoung smiles ruefully. “Edith was her favourite. We talked about seeing the movie together but Ma passed before it started showing.”

You turn onto your side, body pressed flush against his own and you look at him with those pretty eyes and tell him how sorry you are. 

“I didn’t know, Soonie,” you say.

“How could you?” he says, stubbing out the cigarette and stifling a yawn. “I never mentioned her before now.”

“How’d she go?”

“Influenza, like every other fucker in the city.”

“You oughtn’t curse when talking about your mother!” you scold him, smacking lightly at his chest. 

Soonyoung laughs and grabs your hand, twines your fingers together and holds them over his heart.

“She must’ve been a good woman,” you say quietly.

“What makes you say such a thing?”

“She raised you, didn’t she?” You press your lips to his jaw. “Only a wonderful person could’ve raised a man like you.”

And it’s the first time he’s heard you so serious in the few years since you met. Three or four nights a week you spend in his club, winking at him from your place on the stage, sitting at the bar after your set and asking him to stop washing glasses so he can come show you some of his moves. You’ve always loved the way he dances, throwing your head back laughing as he helps you with the steps, calling him New York's very own Rudolph Valentino. He’s never seen you in the daylight, but around you, he’s never felt anything but sunshine. 

“What did you wish for?” you ask gently. “When you blew out your candle?”

He smiles. Some variation of the picket-fence fantasy he’s played out in his head so many times over the last few years. Pictures you in lights, maybe he teaches folk how to dance, and you’re both coming home to a house you share. Imagines what your children would look like, wonders if he could ever feel a kick underneath his palm on your belly, as his mother said his father did. 

“Would you marry me?”

And as soon as those hasty words hang in the air he regrets them. 

“Soonyoung–” you start, quietly, stroking his cheek. “I– I can’t. I’m sorry.”

And he knows you love him, even though you’ve never said the words aloud. Knows because of the way you look at him, the way you only have eyes for him in a room full of rich, handsome men– ones with status and power and everything else a woman like you could have. But it’s him you keep coming back to, it’s his name you gasp into his sheets, and you say it’s only him who’s ever made you feel so alive.

He closes his eyes. Lets you kiss his collarbone and his jaw and his cheek and his eyelids and say I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I wish… I wish–

“Why can’t you?” he asks, so crestfallen, as you kiss into his hair. 

You hesitate, so he presses again.

“My family,” you whisper. “My daddy, mostly. He’d never allow it.”

He swallows the lump in his throat. “Because I’m–”

“No,” you quickly interject. “It’s nothing to do with you. He just has other plans for me, Soonyoung. Ones that don’t involve wasting my time on anything as trivial as love.”

Love. 

Soonyoung turns his face to you, and God, you look as dejected as he feels. So he lets you kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until he wonders if maybe this kind of love could be enough. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Now

“I know, Seungcheol.” You take a long drag of your cigarette, running your finger along the rim of your champagne coupe, the vibration of it singing. “Let me think.”

It’s quite the surprise that Soonyoung would betray your father after close to a decade. He’s been as loyal as they come, careful with the staff he hires and even more so with the money. As of late there’s been a shortfall, and your fool of a brother had speculated it could be due to increased patrols in the area, as reported at other establishments under The Mob’s control, but you hadn’t noticed any difference in the level of patronage. You’d suspected one of the barmen or waitresses, maybe. Not Soonyoung. Never him.

But it seems Soonyoung finally got the balls to do what he’d always talked about with you. Get some money together and escape this wretched place. And you knew he wanted out badly, but had no idea this was how he planned to do it. What a crying shame he had to be so reckless as to steal from your father. 

So you swallow your resentment as you stub out your cigarette. Your father might be out for blood but he’ll be keen to let you handle this mess, and if you can pin the blame elsewhere you’ll take every opportunity. If nothing else, you can buy Soonyoung some time. 

“Follow him tonight,” you say, eyeing the crack in the door and the shadow that moves across it. “Don’t let him know, just see where he goes.”

Seungcheol frowns. “Sugar will be expecting you to have him brought in.”

“We ought to find out where the money is first, don’t you think?” You stand, smoothing down your dress. “You can pick him up once we find out where he’s keeping it.” 

Your longtime bodyguard still seems hesitant, so you say, “Come on, Cheolie. You’ll want some variety by now, surely? A bit of detective work will be a nice change from looking after little old me?”

“It’s a pleasure to look out for you, Miss.” 

You smile at him. 

Seungcheol is your man. He’s been more of a brother these last ten years than your own blood has ever been. Loyal to you over your father, as he’s proved time and time again, but you’ve always known to keep your cards close to your chest until the time is right. You’ll tell Seungcheol the truth about you and Soonyoung, just as soon as you figure out what the hell you’re going to do. 

“Sweet Seungcheol. You don’t know how thankful I am for you.” You walk over to him and blood flushes his face ruddy as you reach up to kiss his cheek. “But don’t you dare question my methods again.” 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

December 1919

“Joshua tells me you can sing?” asks Soonyoung, throwing the towel over his shoulder.

“Yes sir,” you say, leaning across the bar to pluck an olive from the bowl. A smile tugs at his mouth at your self-assuredness. “I’ve always wanted to perform in a place like this. It’s beautiful.”

You’re right, it is beautiful. It’d be even more so with your face up there on the stage, but he needs to hear your voice first. No use having a singer who can’t hold a tune. It’s thanks to Sugar that he can afford a performer at all. Without his investment it’d be just like any other gin joint cropping up around the city. 

“Well go on now,” he says, nodding toward the centre of the room. “Stage is yours, sweetheart.” 

You look around, an uncertain expression on your face. “But– there’s no music.”

Soonyoung places his hands on the bar and leans close, a smirk playing on his lips. “Aren’t you the music?”

And your voice is as spectacular as your face. His jaw hangs slack as you deliver your final notes and he can’t quite believe you’re gunning for here rather than Broadway. Rather than Hollywood. There’s been talk of modern advances that’ll allow sound in the next few years. You should surely be there, readying for the spotlights and the cameras instead singing to regular folk in this smokey room. You’re a ready made star. 

He wonders where you might’ve come from, or how you even know Joshua. Anyone can tell you come from money, without a ring on your finger and standing there with a string of pearls around your neck and diamonds dripping from your ears. Your fur coat drapes over the chair at the bar, and your dress is made of silk rather than cotton, like his shirt. Women like you only come to places like this to drink and find men to marry, not to work for ten dollars a night. 

“By that look on your face, I’m thinking you’ll have me, Mr Kwon?” 

Your winning smile is all sunshine. 

“You can call me Soonyoung, sweetheart,” he says, resting his chin on his hands. “Yes, I’ll have you.” 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Now

What can he do? What is there to do? You’re having him followed by his own Goddamn bouncer so he can’t very well leave now, can he? Soonyoung’s worldview has been flipped upside down and every carnal instinct he has tells him to run, but he finds himself back behind the bar in thirty seconds flat. Joshua gives him an uneasy smile as he watches him knock back a thumbmeasure of gin. 

“Not like you to work through the supplies before the night’s even started,” he remarks, buffing a mark from the glass and setting it on the shelf above him. “Are you unwell?”

“Got a headache,” Soonyoung bluffs. 

He’ll have to wait. Go about his business as he would’ve a few months prior and just go home after lock up, instead of to his cousin’s apartment on the Lower East Side. Maybe once Seungcheol’s off his tail he can move the money back. Maybe he could ask Jihoon to–

And the music starts, but this time he can’t even look at you as you take centre stage in your sparkling, silver dress. You sing your first and last songs for him, you always said, making eyes across the room through the haze of smoke and putting all your heart in it. This time, he can only think of his naivety, his carelessness, and the depths of your betrayal. All these years you’ve never been his at all. And the despair nearly makes its way onto his face as the song carries on, and he keeps playing pretend all is well. 

Of course he’s heard stories of Sugar’s children. Knows about the oaf of a son that spends all his money on expensive liquor and cheap whores. Knows no one trusts him to inherit the empire, and that Sugar himself speaks of his uselessness. Everyone talks of how the girl is favoured, that she doesn’t have a drop of hesitation in her when it comes to putting someone in their place, and that when she kills it’s cold and clean.

So you’ve certainly inherited your father’s traits, haven’t you? All sweetness and charm and warmth until the time comes, aren’t you? Are you as cutthroat as him? Do you care anything at all for the blood spilled in his name? Have you used that twisted method of his, sweetened boiled water, poured over flesh?

And suddenly all his memories feel like falsehoods, and the loving words whispered in his ear feel like deceit and he can’t believe he fell for a play like this. Of course you wouldn’t want him. Of course he was just a job to you. 

Soonyoung knows nothing at all, it seems.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

March 1925

“I’m leaving, Soonyoung.” 

You’re fixing your hair in the mirror as he pulls his braces back over his shoulders. His face has that lovely flush it gets after you’ve had your way with him. Eyes still a little soft, and a lazy, self-assured smile plays on cherry smeared lips. 

He smiles wide. “Come kiss me again then, sweetheart.”

“No, baby.” You turn with a sad smile. “I’m going away.” His face falls, and you can’t look at him, casting your eyes to the floor. “I know a girl who can sing and she’ll fill my spot, she’s coming to see you about it on Monday evening.”

“Where you going?” he asks under his breath.

“Los Angeles.” The lie slides off your tongue like honey. “A man from Hollywood heard me singing last week. Says I have a face good enough that I could be a movie star there, maybe.”

Soonyoung’s expression goes all hard and soft, upticks his brows in effort not to let you see how it breaks him inside, and you know this was the perfect story. He’d never dream of standing in your way. He’s nothing at all like your daddy. Nothing at all like your new husband, except for a little something in the way his mouth is shaped. It’s what makes it bearable, sometimes, that when you have to kiss him you can sometimes imagine it’s Soonyoung instead. 

What breaks your heart in two is the way he smiles, so forlornly, when he quietly tells you– “you’re the star in any room you walk in, baby.”

And he must see the despondent look on your face, because his arms come around your body in a second, and you almost cry. Would do anything to stay here, with him, in this place, in his arms. But if you were to stick around, he’ll see the way your body will surely grow, and he’ll have questions you couldn’t possibly answer. You’re not the shark your father considers you to be, not with him. With Soonyoung, you’re the person you always wanted to be.

“I’ll miss you,” you say into his chest, voice choked, and for the first time today, in ages, it’s something honest. 

“I’ll visit,” he offers, though you know that even if you’d give him your address he could never make time to travel to where he thinks you’ll be, somewhere across the country, while under the thumb of a man like your father. 

You swallow. “That’d be wonderful.”

And he kisses you deep, kisses you like it’s the last one he’ll ever have, puts all his love for you in it and you take it, just like you’re taking everything else of his. 

“You’ll write me, won’t you?” he whispers, his panted breath fanning your lips. 

“Of course I will.”

Of course, you don’t.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Now

Three days go by without movement before your father’s patience wears thin. ‘Fuck the money,’ he’d growled, his deceptively sweet face turned sour. ‘Kill him.’ And so you’re outside Soonyoung’s apartment, a revolver cold against your skin under your fur coat, and Seungcheol is at the wheel. 

But daddy doesn’t know that Seungcheol is your guy, and although he’s never called you anything but Miss, he’s always had something akin to a brotherly affection for you. And you know it’s no easy ask, what you’ve told him you need tonight– but he’ll do it. You can see he’s still working through your revelations, and it’s left his jaw set so tight it must surely ache. It’s a pity the outcome of tonight will have a price to pay, but for Seungcheol you’ll do everything you can to lessen his beating. 

“Will he go along with it, Miss?”

You suck in a breath. “Depends if he wants to live.”

He bristles. Hesitates a moment before saying, “I don’t like it, Miss. Not one little bit. What if he h–”

“Well you’ll be right there, won’t you, Cheolie? Come fetch me when the lights go out.” 

You give his arm a squeeze before he gets out to open your car door. There’s a chill tonight, your breath fogs the air and you pull your coat tighter around your body. Low light flickers in the window of Soonyoung’s apartment, and a shadow moves across it. He’s been watching. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

24th December 1924

The Blue Pearl always feels so much warmer at Christmas, with all the lights and the decorations and the huge tree dressed in red and gold in the corner of the room. He’s strung up paper stars and mistletoe all over the place, holly and ivy adorn the piano behind you, and a red ribbon bow is tied perfectly around your microphone. 

Soonyoung certainly knows how to throw a party. Joshua and Vernon are run off their feet making drinks, and the girls are busy entertaining men throwing their money around like they haven’t got families at home, but Soonyoung– he’s watching you, elbows on the bar and chin resting on the heel of his palm, some proud stupid-in-love kind of look in his eyes as he smiles while you deliver your final verse. 

The last notes from the piano ring in the air, and the audience still sober enough to stand do so, the noise of cheering and whooping and clapping feels almost like the roar of the ocean. 

“Be sure to tip your bartenders and waitresses well tonight,” you call into the mic, smiling wide. Joshua and Vernon glance up at you with appreciation and you wink at them. “Merry Christmas everyone!” 

The band kicks up again as one of the regulars helps you off stage with a firm hand, and though you only have eyes for the man behind the bar in his pinstripe shirt, unbuttoned at the collar on account of the heat in this room, you’re stopped numerous times by patrons on your way over to him. So you offer them your smile and try to slip away before Soonyoung gets caught up in some menial task that doesn’t involve stealing away to your dressing room.

“You’re too good for this place,” Soonyoung says as you finally approach the bar. 

You wrinkle your nose. “And yet something keeps me coming back.”

He laughs and leans across the bar, pressing his palms flat on the counter. Looks good enough to kiss.

“Can I fix you a drink, sweetheart?” he asks, a soft lilt in his voice. 

“No,” you say. “But you can come dance with me.”

“I’m working.”

“A feeble excuse,” you tease. “You’ve been watching me for the past five minutes.”

“Twenty at least,” complains a passing Vernon, and you giggle. 

“C’mon, Soonyoung,” you pout. “Just one dance.” 

“Might as well go, boss,” calls Joshua, shaking a cocktail. “We’ve got things handled, and your girl won’t stop sulking until she gets all your attention.”

Soonyoung laughs again, pushing his tongue into his cheek and you grin, triumphant. 

And so one dance turns into two turns into five turns into slipping away to the back door, a needy Soonyoung on your heels down the corridor. Sweat drips down your skin and he kisses down your neck in the privacy of your dressing room, the cold wall against your back stealing your breath from your lungs. The noise from the club is muffled now. In here, it’s warm lamplight and the scent of powder, and Soonyoung pressing into the gap between your legs, tongue and teeth working over the sensitive spot below your ear. 

You lean back just enough to breathe, and he follows instinctively, chasing your mouth. There’s something in his face that makes your chest ache– something open and unguarded and fervent. 

“On your knees,” he breathes. 

You’ve always loved this side of Soonyoung. This urgency, this passion, how he loses himself in you completely. Even more so on nights like this, when you wear his favourite dress and that perfume he says smells like sin. Something about it makes him forget the tenderness you see when you’re in his apartment in the middle of the night, casts it aside in favour of raw, carnal desire. Makes you feel so desperately wanted, because no one else would dare make demands of you like this. 

And so you look up at him with wide eyes as you sink to the floor, and he undoes his belt. Soonyoung smirks dirty as you work the buttons of his fly– lets out some low, pleased hum as you tug his cock free and wrap your hand firm around his girth. He stares down at you with parted lips and hungry eyes, cheeks flushing pretty as you stroke him. Groans soft when you roll your hand over the head, and watches, enraptured, when your free hand finds the space between your own legs. And though he can’t see the way you slide your finger over your bare clit beneath the hem of your dress, the way you suck in a breath is enough to inspire his imagination. 

Your eyes flit up to meet his again as you lean in, flicking your tongue over the bead of moisture gathering at the head and his hands fly to your hair, gathers it in his fist as your mouth sinks over him with hollowed cheeks. He hisses as you pull back, swirl your tongue around the head and take him fully in again. Panted breaths fall from parted lips as you slip into a rhythm, fingers circled around the base as take him deep in your mouth again and again. His leaking cock twitches against your lips when you pull back, when you tease the slit with your tongue and his desperate moan is so sweet to your ears. 

His breaths are falling broken and rapid and you’re heated by the sound of it, fingers sinking deep into your wet cunt and it’s almost enough to get you off, this power you have over him, but he’s swearing something filthy and incoherent as he tugs you off him and drags you up to press you back against the wall.

“Can’t–” he pants against your mouth, stopping to kiss you deep and messy. “Need to feel how wet you are.”

You smirk, arching your back and lifting your leg to rest your foot on the vanity, and Soonyoung responds instantly, fingers spreading against the small of your back, drawing you in until there’s no air between you. Finds your lips and kisses you hard and senseless. Your hand slides from his collar up into his hair, feeling the soft strands at his nape, tugging gently just to hear the way his breath hitches.

His hand goes to your thigh, sliding over your stockings and brushing his fingers over the soft skin in the gap between the band and the hem of your corset. You snag his earlobe between your teeth, reach for his cock to pump him slow and easy and he groans, dimpling the flesh of your thigh beneath his fingertips. 

And finally his hand finds your centre, and his eyes blow wide. Stares at you for a long moment before you say, “Merry Christmas, baby.”

He laughs loud, doesn’t waste any time before pressing between your legs and lining his cock up against your entrance and sinking into your tight, wet heat. “Filthy girl,” he rasps, bottoming out inside you and watching your lips fall apart. “Anyone could’ve seen.”

“Only you,” you gasp as he pulls out slow just to fuck back in hard. And he drops his head to your shoulder, smirks against your skin as he takes you like this, filling you with an exquisite stretch. You slip your arms beneath his shirt and around his back, fingers on sweat-slick skin, feeling the tension in the hard lines of definition there and his pace hastens, pushing hard into your wet cunt, clenching tight around him.

The buckle of his belt is digging into your inner thigh, biting at the flesh and you know it’ll leave a raw mark there, but some indistinct part of you wants it. Wants his lasting impression on your skin, because between all the small, fading scars you’ve been given by others, at least one should belong to him. Makes you want to make your own, crescent moons in his back, and Soonyoung makes a deliciously lewd noise as you dig in, and it’s all you can focus on beyond the sound his skin slapping against yours, the slick of his cock buried in your pussy, and a moan sliding from your throat. 

And then he’s moving, lifting you into his arms and finding the chair in the corner of the room before falling into it. He holds you in his lap as you drag your dress over your shoulders and toss it to the floor– drops his face into your cleavage and mouths at your skin when you lift up to line his cock up against your entrance again and sink back down. 

You steady yourself with hands on his shoulders as you lean back, let him see the mess he’s made of you, the sheen of your wetness on the base of his cock as you tighten around him. He curses, throws his head back and closes his eyes, cock twitching inside your pussy, and you know he won’t last much longer. 

“Feels good,” you gasp. 

“Yeah?” he slurs. “Shit, baby, tell me just how good I fuck you.”

Soonyoung all but shakes as you ride him, talking him through it dirty and obscene, circling your hips and grinding against him. This new position is blinding, almost, the way he feels so impossibly deep– made infinitely more so when his thumb circles your clit and you release a broken cry. That white-hot wave rushes through your veins, that telltale, dirty squelch where your bodies connect, and you’re rendered incoherent as he steadies his feet on the ground and fucks up into you, gathering the wetness that spills from your cunt with his fingers and running rapid circles over your clit. You come with a violent tremor and a fragmented whine, and Soonyoung swears, leans forward to bury his face in your chest again and lets out a velvet moan.  

“God–” he chokes, eyes aflame. “Sweetheart, I’m gonna–”

“Inside me, baby. Wanna feel it.”

“Fuck fuck fuck– oh my God,” he gasps, words muffled against your skin, fingers digging into your hips to still them as he spills cum into your shaking body.

You press your forehead to his, and though it’s been several years of this– years of coming to each other in the dead of night, stealing away to your dressing room to press pause on time like this, you’re dying to tell him what he means to you. God, if you could you’d have married him years ago. He hasn’t told you he loves you since that night in his apartment with a crudely decorated cake, but you know he still does. Nothing else has changed. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Now

Soonyoung pulls open the door as soon as you knock.

“What are you doing here?” he asks evenly. “We don’t see each other on Mondays.”

You tilt your head, smiling in a way that doesn’t reach your eyes. Did you always smile like that? Is it only now that he knows who you are that he sees beyond the mask?

“Won’t you invite me in, Soonie?”

And he considers turning you out, but with Seungcheol sitting downstairs in the same Cadillac Sedan that was always parked outside your building, he figures it’ll only be a matter of time. 

You glide past him like you own the place. Every room you’ve been in has been yours. He’d put it down to your quality, your inner light, but now he understands it comes with the ego that comes with carrying the name of a man that runs the whole Goddamn city. Your gloved fingers brush the edge of the table, the fabric of the curtains. You glance out the window, down to the car sitting outside and the amber end of Seungcheol’s cigarette, glowing in the dark. And he watches the way you turn, clocking the suitcase half-packed, the mess of papers on the countertop, and his coat draped over the chair rather than on the hook. 

“You’re wondering about the case… I’m visiting my aunt in W–”

“Give it up, baby,” you say softly. “Let’s not pretend you don’t know who I am.”

He forces a laugh, before asking– “what’re you talking about?”

“Oh, Soonyoung.” You slip off your gloves finger by finger. He watches the movement. Two weeks back he’d have pulled those same gloves off with his teeth. “You were never any good at lying.”

The air thickens around him, jaw tightening. So this is it? These are his final hours? Moments? God, how he wishes he could’ve gone out in blissful ignorance. Wishes he could’ve gone out loving you as he thought you were, rather than loving a fabrication.

“So you’re here on your father’s business?”

You laugh, and the sound cuts him. 

“I’m here on my–” 

“Don’t lie to me! Sugar sent you, right?” he asks coldly, a tick in his jaw when you nod. “Well, you can tell him I’m flattered. I did wonder if I was worth a personal visit.”

You stare at him, and Soonyoung can’t bear the look in your eyes. “You’re worth everything to me.”

“Spare me the bullshit!” He hates the sound of his voice, all sharp and unkind and not a tone he’s ever used with you. “All these years you’ve been spying on me, huh?” 

All that anger coiled in his gut over the last few days unfurls– the flames ripping up his gullet and out of his mouth with every intention of burning you like you did him. He’s only in this mess because of you anyway. Because of his stupid, reckless love for you. “Bet you laughed about it! Bet you have some other man in your bed and you laughed at me and my ignorance and what a fool I’ve been for you!” 

And it spurs him on– the way your jaw clenches and the way you can’t look at him. 

“Did you really have to screw me too? You had to go and make me love you? What was that for, sweetheart? Your fucking ego? Fuck you!”

You regard him for a moment, and Soonyoung is thrown by your silence. Instead of fighting with him all you do is huff a frustrated breath and reach into your purse for your cigarettes. You take a seat at the table by the window before lighting one, and pointedly gesturing for him to sit down too. 

The audacity of you– telling him to sit in his own fucking home. The anger fizzes at his bones, near vibrates in him, but it’s not enough to stop him from noticing how tired you look. He can’t sit. He’s incensed. Feels the rage in his fucking bones and you’re just sitting there with your cigarette in furs your daddy must’ve paid for and expecting him to be reasonable, expecting him to buy any lie you’re selling. 

Instead he puts more space between you, fetches his almost empty glass from the counter and the bottle beside it and pours himself another drink– barely a second later he knocks it back. 

You cross your legs and gaze out of the window, and after a long, silent moment, you quietly ask– "Why'd you think I left that gap in the door?” Soonyoung scowls but he doesn’t answer. “I wanted you to hear. I wanted to buy you some time while I–”

“Bullshit. You could’ve talked to me!”

“Don’t be naive–” You take a quick drag of your cigarette. “I had to be sure we weren’t being watched.”

“And what of the last eight years?!” he cries, voice cracking. “If you’d told me the damn truth I would’ve understood! I’d have caused no hassle–” 

“Don’t speak to me of causing hassle when you’re the one who’s been cheating my father out of his money.” Your lip curls, a bitterness on your tongue. “There was no hassle until you saw fit to take what isn’t yours. This is your doing, Soonyoung, and I’m the one here to fix it.”

And though he scoffs, he’s losing steam. Can’t work out why you’re trying to convince him you’re not here to bring him to meet his maker. What’s the point? Can’t piece together the image of the you that sits here as Sugar’s daughter, and the you that he kisses so sweet whenever he gets the opportunity. 

“So tell me,” he says bitterly, pouring himself another glass. “Was I just a job?”

“You think I needed to seduce you to keep tabs on you?” you shoot back. “I could’ve watched you from across the room and learned everything. You were as loyal as me until I came back.”

“Then why would you get involved with me at all?”

“Because I love you, Soonyoung.”

The words hang heavy in the air. He rolls his eyes but fuck, he wants to believe it. You stand, crossing the room slowly to stand on the other side of the counter. You take his glass from his hand and he lets you, watches you swallow it down, the movement in your throat, and the lipstick you leave on the rim.

He shakes his head. “You lied to me.”

You put your hand on the counter, barely an inch from his own. “Yes.”

“About who you are– about why you were there.”

“Yes, I did.”

Each admission is a punch to the gut, and you don’t even try to soften the blow. 

“What about Hollywood– was that a lie too?”

A pause, and Soonyoung watches the mask slip– catches a flash of fear in your eyes before you close them. “Yes,” you breathe. 

He swallows. “So where were you? Over a year you were gone– were you still in New York, jerking around some other guy running your fathers’ clubs?”

“I was not,” you insist. 

“So where?” 

“New Jersey.”

Soonyoung’s laugh is loud and sharp. “Jeez. All that time I missed you thinking you were thousands of miles away. You’re unbelievable. A dirty fuckin’ liar.”

“And you’re a thief!” you all but yell, but he shouts over you with a snapped– “You know damn well he was taking too much–

“Oh! Don’t pretend you’re some fucking angel, Soonyoung,” you hiss, cutting him off. “You stole from my father!”

“I stole from a brute!”

The silence almost rings. Wonders if you might slap him across the face before your eyebrows tick up in a sort of amused resignation, and you let out a dark chuckle. 

“If he’s a brute, then I’m a brute,” you say.

And he can’t find it in him to agree. Yes. You might be, but he can’t bring himself to say it aloud. After a moment, your hand draws back, and you’re reaching into the lining of your coat. You pull out a revolver, and Soonyoung’s heart thrums in his ears as you set it carefully on the table between you. 

“He wants me to kill you, Soonyoung.”

“I figured,” he says hoarsely, mouth going dry. “Been wondering why you haven’t done it already.”

“Well the thing is, baby,” you murmur. “I rather like you alive.”

He looks at the gun. Can’t imagine you using that thing, can’t picture you as the woman he’s heard all those rumours about. That stone cold killer. 

“You had me followed.”

“Yes.”

“So you’re handing me over? Having someone else do your dirty work?”

“No, Soonyoung. You’re going to run.”

The certainty in your voice makes him look up.

“Run?” he echoes. “I don’t understand.”

“In a few minutes,” you say, slipping off your coat and tossing it to the armchair behind you. “You’re gonna go downstairs and take that car of mine and drive far far away. Wait til you’re a few states over and sell it. Buy another car somewhere else and keep going. The money you stole, plus a little extra, is on the backseat. It’s enough to get you set up on the west coast. Or in Mexico if you’re smart about it. Personally I’d rather be on the other side of the world.”

Soonyoung lets out a tiny, disbelieving laugh. “I– what?”

“You’re gonna change your name, and then you’re gonna find somewhere to settle down and live an honest life. Keep yourself out of trouble.  Start teaching dance, like you always said, maybe? And if you want– if you can forgive me, you can write me–” You reach into your coat again, pulling out a scrap of paper and placing it in front of him. It’s the address to your apartment. “–write me here. They don’t know about this place but don’t sign your name and don’t write anything about our past– just in case. Draw a little star in the corner so I know it’s you.”

You say it so earnestly that Soonyoung can hardly breathe. Feels his heartbeat in his throat and he’s choked with it. You’re helping him? God, he wants it to be true, despite everything. 

“I don’t understand,” he says, voice thick. “What about Seungcheol?”

“There’s no need to worry about him,” you explain. “He’s mine. He’ll leave the keys for you on the seat as soon as the lights go out in here.”

He thinks it over. Chews on the fat of his cheek until he can taste metal. And you just stand there, quietly regarding him, and waiting for him to accept that he must mean something to you, for you to go to all this trouble. 

“And–” he eventually starts, voice so small. “And what of the gun?”

You smile a little sad. 

Oh so gently, you say, “You’re gonna have to shoot me, baby.”

And Soonyoung feels all the blood drain from his face. He– he can’t find the words– just gapes at you like a dolt as you don’t seem affected in the slightest, as if it were a simple conversation about the damn weather. 

You push it closer and he stares at it in disbelief. He’s kept a gun behind the bar of The Blue Pearl for eight years and he’s never once had to use it. The thought makes him feel somewhat sick. 

“No.”

You huff a small, frustrated breath. “I’m not telling you to kill me. Aim low.” You place your hand on your abdomen, just below your belly button– and Soonyoung can’t imagine it, maiming your body in such a way. “Seungcheol’s right outside to t–”

He shakes his head. “You’re crazy–”

“My father won’t believe I let you get away without a str–”

“This is ridiculous–”

“Soonyoung, please,” you try to reason. “There has to be some ev–”

“No!” Soonyoung grabs for your hand, tightens his fingers around yours, and he catches a flicker of contrition in your eyes at the touch. “I can’t do this!” 

“You must!”

“Tell him you killed me!” he begs, almost delirious. Panic is taking grip of his spine, a cold sweat forming on his brow. “Tell him you tossed my body in the river and take the money back. I’ll leave! He need never know!”

“Soonyoung, listen to me!” you snap, eyes hard and resolute. “He’d never believe it without a body. If I were to tell him you were dead without your blood on my hands he’d know in a heartbeat what I feel for you, and then you have no idea what he’d do to us both. You have no idea how cruel he can be. Family means nothing to him without loyalty. You’ve heard the stories about what he did to my mother, don’t think for a second he wouldn’t do that to me too.”

And he hates the way your time together has come to this crashing end. Can’t stand the way you shake his hand off to take the bottle and pour yourself a large glass. You down it quickly, a few drops of liquor spilling from the corners of your mouth, that you brush away with your thumb. 

“I can’t hurt you,” he whispers, voice cracking.

“Come on now,” you say firmly. “He’ll forgive me a screw up in letting you take my gun, but he’ll never even try to understand anything e–”

You’re interrupted with a sharp rap at the door and you snatch the gun from the counter, start to raise it toward the door before it’s cracked, and Seungcheol slips inside. He doesn’t acknowledge Soonyoung as he stands tall, hands clasped in front of him as he does at the club, and he says, “You’re taking too long, Miss.” 

“I’m aware,” you say, frowning. There’s a resigned look of understanding between you as you hand him the gun. “Soonyoung’s finding it all a little difficult.”

Soonyoung lets out a scornful noise. “Oh, I apologise that I’m not inclined to hurt you for the sake of a lie!”

You place your hand over his, and he can’t bring it in him to snatch it away. Your thumb traces over his knuckles and you smile something pitiful, eyes welling up, and his heart is pounding in his chest. He’s never once seen you cry. You tug his hand up to your lips, press a soft, lingering kiss to his fingers, and under your breath, you murmur, “loving you is the only honest thing I ever did, baby.” 

But then your hand slips away, and you turn towards Seungcheol. “Do it.”

And before Soonyoung can process what’s happening, before he can even blink, Seungcheol is raising the gun, and the shot rings in his ears. 

Your cracked sob echoes in his skull as you crumple to the floor, and Soonyoung is over you in a heartbeat, your blood coating his trembling hands as he holds you, ugly stains on your silk dress, and all he can hear is useless, panicked whimpers before he realises those pathetic sounds are spilling from his own lips. 

“Baby… baby, no–”

“Get out of the way,” Seungcheol grunts, wrenching him off of you. He presses his hands over your belly and pushes down in a way that has you crying out, eyes rolling so far back all he can see is the whites of them. And he knows that this sound, this moment, will stay with him forever. 

“You–” you slur, reaching blindly for his hand. You grip him tight, and he finds some small relief in the strength of your fingers, but it’s not enough to make him feel any less hollow. “You need t– ah! Go, Soonyoung. Leave now.” 

Seungcheol is lifting you, ignoring the way the movement draws a sharp gasp from your lungs, and your hand slips from his. “I’ve got you, Miss.”

“Where are you taking her?” Soonyoung demands, hysteria clawing at the edges of his vision as he’s losing you, losing everything he’s ever wanted.

“She needs a doctor,” Seungcheol mutters as he makes for the door. “Remember the plan. This is worth nothing if you don’t do as she says.” 

Your body sags in his arms as he crosses the threshold, and Soonyoung’s stomach twists sharp. What if the last conversation he has with you was one in which he didn’t tell you how he loves you? What if you die not knowing all he wanted these last eight years was to make you his wife, to take you away from this wretched city and make you happy for the rest of your lives?

“I love you,” he calls urgently, tears spilling down his cheeks, as Seungcheol rushes you out. 

And he doesn’t even know if you reply, if you even hear him, because Seungcheol is making down the stairs, and Soonyoung is left alone in his apartment once more, kneeling in a scarlet puddle.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

April 1926

You’ve been back three days before he realises you don’t talk of Hollywood at all. 

(Soonyoung’s world has shifted on its axis again, everything slid into view in full colour again as soon as you stepped through the door, and he didn’t care a jot for the glass he dropped on the floor, because you’re back. You were in his arms and you were spinning and laughing and kissing and God, he’s been so breathlessly happy since he saw you again, the first time in over a year. 

“Can I come back?” you’d asked. “You’ll have me back here, won’t you?”

He’d tsked at the ridiculous question. “Like there’d be a shadow of a doubt,” he’d said. And you’d smiled, relieved.)

And now it’s well after hours– you’re on the rooftop of The Blue Pearl waiting for the sunrise, a champagne coupe in hand and leaning on the edge of the wall looking out over the city, while a million questions he’d long put to bed rise to the surface. His front presses against your back, arms caging you against the wall, and the familiar scent of your perfume overwhelms him again. 

“Why didn’t you write?” Soonyoung asks quietly, when he finally builds up the courage. 

The question doesn’t take you aback, and he wonders if you’ve been expecting it. Instead you just sigh, set your coupe on the ledge, and tip your head back against his shoulder. 

“I wouldn’t have had a good word to tell you, baby,” you say sadly. “I would’ve come back in a heartbeat if I’d heard from you, and then it’ll have all been for nothing.” 

He sits with that for a moment. “So why is it you’re back now?” 

“My family wanted me back in the city,” you say, blinking up at the night sky. “And honestly, I just needed any excuse to come back to you. I only wish it were anywhere but here.” 

“You missed me?” he whispers, face turned into your hair. 

“Every day,” you admit, reaching for his hand and pulling it over your chest. “I missed you all the time.” And he has so many more questions, so many pieces of the puzzle lost, but you’re looking up at the sky and saying– “I looked at these stars every night and kept imagining you were looking too.”

And he did. He stood on this very rooftop and looked up at them fading, as they are now, and wondered where they went. Where do stars like you go in the light of day? 

You talk for ages, until the sunrise shines amber between the buildings and you grow hungry and tired. He tells you to wait for him by the door (get your coat on, sweetheart, I’ll just be a minute) and he slips into the office. 

He finds an old briefcase in the closet and opens the safe, heart hammering in his throat. He’s never dared before. Mainly because he’s not inclined to steal, but also because he knows what Sugar does to those who do. But all Soonyoung can think of is the look on your face when you spoke earlier, when you said anywhere but here. So he takes some bills and slips them inside the briefcase, and tries not to think of the way Sugar earned his name. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Now October 1926

Your father is incensed. You can tell that much, as your vision fades in and out. You cry out as you hear the crack of the back of his hand across Seungcheol’s face. It’s not his fault, daddy, you try to gasp out in the small respite you get while the doctor eases up on your body, but your father always has needed someone to punish. 

At least he believes, you think, letting out a fractured sob as the doctor sinks his fingers into your belly again. At least Soonyoung’ll live. 

Stupid of you really, to suggest being shot in the gut, when a leg would’ve probably worked out better. Sure, you might’ve once seen an artery hit there and watched a man’s life slip away within the minute, but bleeding out would’ve been better than the agonising throb of this doctor’s instruments digging around in your belly while someone else, blurry on the sidelines, fumbles his hands while drawing up the morphine. 

But you can’t die without knowing if Soonyoung made it out of the city. God, you hope he’s been smart and not wasted time. You can’t die without holding your girl first, who only learned how to say mama last week, much to your husband’s chagrin, but it’s not like you’ve had any inclination to teach her a word unfit for his role in her life. 

“You let this happen! You stupid motherfucker,” your father rages, and you hear a dull thud as he strikes Seungcheol again. “Where is he?!” 

Gone, you hope. Please be gone.

“Saw him bolting for tenth avenue in her car when I carried her downstairs,” Seungcheol says, voice thick. “He must’ve taken her keys.”

Your father releases him and Seungcheol rags his hand over his face, smearing the blood dripping from his lip down his chin. 

“Is she gonna be alright, Jeonghan?”

“We’ll see,” says the doctor, eyes wide and panicked. Jeonghan. You’ve only ever seen him in passing. You feel almost nothing now as your arm falls from the table, swinging down heavy and limp, and this Jeonghan almost looks like an angel, with the stark light in a ring above his head.

Seungcheol has gone ashen with worry, ignores his own bleeding face as he falls backwards against the wall, away from your father, who clenches his fists and growls “Find him!” to the men huddled just outside the door. 

Please don’t. Please, God, don’t. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

One Year Later

You get Soonyoung’s– or rather, Hoshi’s first letter, on a Tuesday morning, a star marked in the corner like you asked. It’s nothing much. Just one that wishes you well and asks if you’d like to visit ‘her’ at her new home in San Diego. You press your face into your arms and cry and cry and cry for what feels like a decade. This past year has had a weight on your chest like no other. He’s safe. He’s safe and he wants you to come to him. 

You memorise the address and burn the letter, and write back as soon as you can pull yourself together.

Dear Hoshi,

It’s wonderful to hear from you. May I visit now? 

Three weeks later, you get his reply. One word. Yes.

By midnight, you’re in the back of your car with your girl sleeping on your lap, somewhere between Pittsburgh and Columbus. Seungcheol is driving. Insists he’s not tired, despite the time, but you’ll make him swap out before the hour is up. 

You’d considered not telling him at all, but you love him like a brother, and leaving him confused and hurt after everything he did for you would only break both your hearts. He said he’d always wanted to see the Pacific anyway, and surely there’ll be jobs in California for a guy like him. 

Sweet Seungcheol. In truth it’s better he’s with you rather than left to deal with the fallout of your disappearance with your husband and your father. This way, there’ll be no one for them to question, no one who knows a thing about the secrets you share.

And it’s better for you too– if Soonyoung turns you and your girl away, at least you’ll be with someone you know, someone your girl knows as her favourite uncle, and you can find somewhere else to call home together. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

He’s only home from work fifteen minutes before there’s a gentle knock at the door. He checks his reflection in the mirror and smooths back his hair, as he has so illogically done every single time someone’s visited since the day he posted that last letter, as if you could appear on his doorstep in an instant. 

And he prepares himself for disappointment as he works to keep his pace even down the hallway, but he can’t stop his heart jumping into his throat.

You turn as he pulls open the door, a smile lighting up your lovely face. You’re unchanged. As radiant as the day he met you, more so in the dappled sunshine. How has it been a decade and this is the first time he’s seen you in the afternoon light? 

“Hello, Soonyoung,” you breathe.

The name would feel alien now, coming from anyone else's mouth but yours. God, how he’s missed it. God, how he’s missed you. 

You seem a little anxious to draw close, so he makes the decision for you. Wraps his arms around your waist and twirls you tight, wants to hear your sweet laugh before he believes you’re truly here. Wants to feel your body relax against his, wants your kiss on his cheek and your things in his room and–

“Shall we sit outside, Soonyoung?” you say, pushing off him as he sets your feet back down on the deck. “Let’s sit a while.”

And so you take a seat in one of the chairs on the porch, while he fetches water with slices of lemon from the kitchen. Wonders if he should offer you something to eat but doesn’t want to waste time preparing anything right now, so he carries the glasses outside, and passes one to you before sitting in the other chair. 

“The weather is… incredible here,” you say quickly. “You can hardly tell it’s almost November.”

You are anxious– he realises, as you thumb away the condensation on your glass and avoid his eye. A year ago his first instinct would’ve been to kiss it away, had he ever seen you like this. Now he keeps his hands to himself, and asks how you’ve been. 

“Well,” you say, the tension obvious in your shoulders. You roll them, taking a sip of your water before cradling it in your hands in your lap again. “What about you? What’ve you been doing since you came here?”

And so he talks. Talks of his job– started working in construction just for something to do with his hands, keeps his mind occupied, before he found a place he could teach dancing after work. Runs a class out of the neighbourhood schoolhouse on Wednesday and Saturday evenings. It’s mostly older folk, but they’re sweet to him and he enjoys his time with them. 

And you smile, laugh along with the stories he tells you of people like Doris, and Jim who’s wildly in love with her, but your eyes keep flicking away from his, and he wonders at first if you’re struggling, being around him. After a while he notices you’re looking toward the car parked a little ways away, on the corner of the road. There’s a man in the front seat, face obscured by shadow from the tree overhead.

“You come here with someone?” he asks. 

A pause. “Seungcheol,” you say. “He’s just making sure I’m safe before he finds us somewhere to stay tonight.”

Soonyoung straightens his spine. “Oh. I see.”

You tut. “Not like that, Soonyoung,” you say softly. “I think of him as my family. He’s done more for you than you could imagine.” 

He looks over toward the car again, watches Seungcheol reach into the backseat with what looks like an apple, and a little hand reaches up to take it. 

“He has a kid?”

Your eyes dart back to the car, and you suck in a juddered breath. “No. He doesn’t.”

And Soonyoung almost stops breathing. Can feel his pulse go all thready and weak and the air in his lungs thins out. 

“Baby, I need to tell you the truth,” you say, turning fully toward him. Soonyoung still watches the car, the way Seungcheol twists his head to smile down at your child, this little thing. “Is that okay? If you want me to leave after, it’s okay, I promise, but I need you to know everything. Can I tell you?”

“I– yeah… yeah you can tell me.”

He almost doesn’t want to hear that you had a child with someone else. And it’s not that he blames you, it’s just that he’s sick with envy. But you’re trying to pull him back to earth, trying to ground him, with your fingers slotting through his and pulling his vision back into focus, with an “okay, okay– Soonyoung– look at me, baby.” 

He does, and you smile at him, but he sees the worry in the creases around your eyes and he can’t stand it. 

“You remember I lied about Hollywood,” you start. “I was in New Jersey. That’s where she was born.” 

“She–“

“Yes, she.” You swallow audibly. “She’s called Hannah.”

Hannah. He likes the name. 

“I left, and I got married, and I had my sweet girl, and–” 

“You got married,” he interrupts, voice rasping over his drying throat. 

Your face cracks. “Yes,” you breathe. “And I wish I could’ve married you instead, baby, I do. But you know my father would’ve never let me marry you, you know that… right? He’d have killed you just for touching me.”

He knows. Doesn’t dull the pang in his chest. 

“So I married a man who looks a little like you, and let him think nothing of it when she was born. And she’s so wonderful, Soonyoung. Wild too, I think. Oh! And she loves to dance like you, she does th–” 

And his vision swims again, can’t quite comprehend what you’re saying, you’re still talking and he’s only hearing half the words because– because–

He grips your hand tight, steadies himself with the other on the arm of the chair, and stammers, “She’s… is she–”

“She’s yours, baby.” You smile broken, tears spilling down your cheeks and you swipe them away just as quick. “I’m sorry. Soonyoung, I’m so so sorry, I couldn’t– leaving you was the only way I could keep her.” 

He stands. Tears his gaze from your face and stares toward the car. Seungcheol is getting out now, and he’s got a tiny fist clasped around his fingers. And all Soonyoung can see is small feet in white shoes and frilled socks hopping along the pavement and he feels the sunlight on his face and your hand in his and something like hope and regret swirling together in his gut. He’s missed so much. You’ve been robbing each other in circles, he thinks. Money and hearts and time, all stolen goods.

“Can I meet her?” 

You squeeze his hand. “She won’t understand you’re her daddy, yet.”

He nods, clenching his eyes shut to stop the tears from falling. “I know– I know that.”

“We need to go slow for her,” you say quietly. “If that’s what you want? If you’ll have us?”

And this is something he’s imagined for years. Not just you coming to him, escaping the city and your family, but a white picket fence in the suburbs, you and him together at last, high pitched giggles from children playing in the yard. The promise of an honest life. And it’s so fucking scary, now it’s right within his grasp, but he knows he can’t ruin it with rashly made decisions again.

“I’ll have you,” he says, turning to take your face in his hands. “Of course I’ll have you.”

Kisses you so hard it takes you by surprise before you’re melting into him, wrapping your arms around his waist and kissing him back. You kiss him like you’ve been starving. Slow, and tentative at first, before you’re clutching at him to steady yourself as he pulls you flush against his body. Your mouth is warm and desperate and trembling, and when he finally breaks away it’s only because he has to breathe. You make a soft, admonishing noise as you thumb the tears away from the hollows of his eyes, and he lets out something between a laugh and a sob.

This is where stars go, he thinks, as he hears the clap of his daughter’s shoes on the steps up to his porch. When the night fades, they go out west. 

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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Kwon Soonyoung doesn’t do relationships. 

Not now, at least. And why should he settle? He’s one of the best drivers on the grid. Always competing for the pole. Always in the conversation to end up on the podium for any given race. A five-time Driver’s Champion. People flock to him. Always wanting a piece. Always wanting to get just that little bit closer. It’s like they’re hoping some of his success will rub off on them. Or some of his fame. Always ready to give him exactly what he wants without him ever having to ask. The world is at his fingertips and he knows it. Knows that he can have anything he wants and doesn’t want to settle for anything less than that. 

It’s been this way for most of his career. Too much attention since he was 18 and making his debut. Too many ways for him to get into trouble. He had tried, briefly, to dip his toes into actual, committed relationships. But, they’re more trouble than what he’s doing now, he thinks. It’s too hard for people to understand the schedule and there isn’t really enough time in the off season to commit to building something. Besides, he’s been one of the names on everyone’s lips since his first season. And the one thing people seem to like even more than watching him race is speculating who he’s spending time with off the track. It’s just easier. Let them talk. Let the people in and out of his bed think what they want, too. 

Unfortunately, Kwon Soonyoung is also exceptionally talented at making everyone feel special. 

It seems unimaginable that, with a reputation like his, anyone could possibly fall for the lines that drip like honey from his lips. Slow and deliberate. Coating the skin of the nameless, faceless cycle of people that come into his life. The kind of things that should come out sounding sleazy and still seem to work for him. Maybe they do sound sleazy. He’s never really stopped to think about it. Doesn’t really care enough about figuring it out, either. As long as they keep working and he never gets bored. If there’s one thing he truly can’t stand, it’s that: boredom. 

Soonyoung looks down at another nameless woman, disinterested. Well, he knows that she gave him a name. It’s just that he could not be bothered to remember it. She’s sloppily bobbing on his dick. Treating him like she’s the lucky one. Like he’s doing her a favor by letting her blow him. And it’s honestly fine. Not the best, not the worst either. She had not seemed this desperate when he picked her up an hour ago at the bar. Now, it rolls off her in a way that’s entirely unappealing to Soonyoung. Makes it harder to appreciate it. 

She makes to pick her head up, like maybe she can hear his internal monologue and he only puts his hand on the back of her head. Gently but forcefully pushing her mouth back onto his waiting dick. It’s almost boring how quickly she complies. The least she could do is to make it a little more of a challenge. Could at least pretend she’s not falling all over herself to give him whatever he wants. 

Boring. 

When his phone buzzes, he considers checking it right away. But, he’s close. So close. The release is the only thing that’s really making this whole experience worth it. When it buzzes again, her motions falter and he groans. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he huffs out and it seems to be enough to get her to keep going. 

And maybe he should have shown her this level of interest from the beginning because her movements get more sure. More confident. Like somehow him dismissing whatever it is on his phone gives her the validation that she’s looking for. Ridiculous, really. He’s still going to check. He just wants to get off first. The nameless woman hollows her cheeks and sucks harder, letting him hit the back of her throat. Soonyoung’s whole body tenses and his fingers dig into the edge of the couch where he’s sitting. She pulls her mouth off him and gives him a single smirk, like she’s so proud. Then she begins stroking him hard and leans down to suck his balls into her mouth. It’s finally too much for him. He comes all over her hand, groaning at the feeling, stars bursting through the much needed release. The woman keeps stroking, more gently now as his body jerks. He throws his head back and sighs. Twitching slightly in her hand. 

Seemingly more confident, she gets up and smiles at him like she’s done something impressive. Like she’s the only one who could have him coming like that. Like she’s not just the latest in a line of people to be in this exact position. The blowjob had been good, sure, but nothing special as far as Soonyoung’s concerned. He’s not going to say that, though. Not because he hasn’t before. More because she’s already walking off to the hotel bathroom and he’s curious about who wants so desperately to interrupt his peace. 

There are only a few people who can cut through the specific settings he has on his phone when he’s hooking up anyway. It’s not a Do Not Disturb, exactly. More like he doesn’t want the usual string of never-ending notifications to disrupt him. Especially like tonight when he feels like he needs release or he’s going to die. And no, that’s not dramatic. 

Woozi: still with that woman you picked up? Woozi: think you should see this… Woozi: [link]

His chief engineer, Lee Jihoon, begrudgingly accepts the nickname Woozi, gifted by Soonyoung for Soonyoung’s use only. It comes in helpful, sometimes, too because it’s not automatically obvious to most people who he’s hearing from. Jihoon is also probably one of Soonyoung’s closest friends. One of the only people in the world that he trusts completely to see him exactly as he is without any judgment. Maybe it’s because Jihoon doesn’t try for moral superiority. Or to lecture him over shit that doesn’t matter. Or try to change who he is. Maybe it’s because he also could have been a good enough driver to hit the grid. Or maybe it’s just a strong bond fostered between a driver and his chief engineer. Jihoon is only the second chief Soonyoung’s had in his career and it’s been nearly 6 years already. The executives had been hesitant because Jihoon is the same age as Soonyoung and young for the job, but Soonyoung insisted and here they are. Whatever the case, Soonyoung knows before he clicks the link what he’s about to see. 

Another day, another headline where your personal life is splashed across some gossip site. Even though you’re kind of a socialite, it feels like your personal life should not be this interesting. This time, you’re not even pictured. This time, it’s just your asshole of an on-again-off-again boyfriend, Taylor Williams, getting a little too cozy with someone who is very much Not You. A real downgrade, in Soonyoung’s opinion, yet someone could argue he’s biased. The caption wonders if there’s trouble in paradise once again. Something that seems all too common for you and him. Another reason that Soonyoung doesn’t do relationships, because this kind of drama isn’t for him. Every other week it seems like you and Taylor are breaking up or making up. Sometimes commenting on the stories, other times just ignoring them. 

As a fun added bonus, Taylor Williams is also one of Soonyoung’s biggest rivals on the grid. Three years older, yet a little less decorated. Too accustomed to coming in second to Soonyoung. A fact that Soonyoung is always quick to point out. Each of the drivers also seems too quick to take a shot when they feel they can get away with it. Sometimes it works, usually it doesn’t. Most of the time it’s just the fans eating up the rivalry between Soonyoung at McLaren and Taylor at Ferrari. 

Yet one thing that Soonyoung keeps to himself in the rivalry? His connection to you. Partly because he’s not sure why he can’t ever seem to ignore you. Partly because he’s sure it would bring even more heat to an already tense situation that could impact his team. Any issues with Taylor are his own to deal with. It makes for entertaining races, so most people let it go. Some even encourage it. But, bringing their personal lives onto the grid? Too far, even for Soonyoung. So, you stay tucked in a little box. Only existing in his life behind closed doors. 

Soonyoung: seems like things are crashing and burning Woozi: again Soonyoung: this is why you don’t fall in love Woozi: until she texts you and you kick out whatever poor soul you have there now Soonyoung: how do you know i have company? Woozi: please Woozi: did you forget i was right next to you when you picked that woman up? Soonyoung: it doesn’t matter, she hasn’t messaged me

Just then, his phone makes him a liar. He sees a notification banner flash briefly with a single name showing: Trouble. The sigh escapes on its own. 

Woozi: don’t do anything stupid and let me know if i need to cover for you

The nameless woman is back and frowning at Soonyoung on his phone. Her loss, though, if she thinks that she’s important enough to warrant his full attention after she’s already given him at least part of what he brought her back for. And her loss if she doesn’t know his reputation. This isn’t anything new. Maybe she thinks she’s going to be the one to get him to start acting better. To try commitment. Not like it would be the first time. Probably won’t be the last. 

“So, uh,” she starts and Soonyoung looks up reluctantly. Takes a beat to act like he’s actually considering his next steps. Like he hasn’t done this exact song and dance a million times before. 

“Sorry, it’s my team,” he starts.

“This late?” she presses and he checks the time on his phone. Rolls his eyes because it’s not even that late in this timezone. It had been a mid-afternoon start time for the race today. And Soonyoung had not wasted any time in picking someone up when they went out afterwards. 

“It’s not really that late,” he comments. Not sure why he’s bothering for someone he’ll never see again. “Besides, I have team members in a lot of timezones since we race all over the world.” 

“That’s still so crazy to me. That I’m here with someone who gets to see the world like that for work,” she says, stars in her eyes and he takes a breath. This is the last thing he wants to be doing. Too clingy. Shocking given his lack of care in finding someone. 

“Crazy, sure.” 

“So, are we gonna…” 

“I have to actually take care of this,” he cuts across. 

“Oh, got it.” Her face falls. If he were a better person, he might actually care. Try to comfort her. He’s not and he doesn’t. 

“Sorry,” he says, though he doesn’t mean it.

“No, I get it,” she says and tries to pull herself back together. “You’ll call me when you’re free again?” 

“Sure, yeah. This will probably take a while though. Maybe the rest of the night.” 

“Okay, well you know where to find me.”

Again, she looks entirely too hopeful. All Soonyoung wants is for this interaction to be over. Wants to get back to his phone and look at the notification from you. To make sure there’s no confusion, though there shouldn’t be, he walks with the nameless woman to the door. Lets her give him a kiss that he breaks quickly before muttering a goodbye and closing the door. Cold, maybe. Yet all anyone has to do is pull up a Reddit forum to see this is just how he operates. 

(Not to say that he ever looks at posts or threads about himself on Reddit because that would be weird and obsessive. Two things that he is definitely not. He just…occassionally notices when things come up. It’s called being well informed, thank you very much). 

After shaking the thoughts from his head, he opens the message from you. Just one word. Same as always.

Trouble: hey Soonyoung: hey Trouble: you busy? Soonyoung: would it matter if I was? Trouble: guess you saw the article Soonyoung: do you want to talk about it? Trouble: no Trouble: can I come by? Soonyoung: yeah Soonyoung: [location]

Soonyoung starts the needless task of cleaning himself up. It’s not like you care. Not like you don’t have your own relationship that you’re hiding from by running to him. So, it shouldn’t matter if you can smell his previous release on him. Still, he likes to keep up with the song and dance. Likes to give some semblance that you’re not both doing something wrong by doing this. Not because he cares, not really. More because it feels like a routine. 

He cleans himself up, puts on a fresh pair of boxer briefs, and then grabs a bathrobe from the bathroom. Figures there’s not much point in putting on more clothing than that when you both know what this is. You’re not coming over to try and change who he is. Not coming over to hang out and talk about your feelings. You’re coming over to take out your frustration on someone that would piss your boyfriend off. That’s all. No feelings. No drama as long as it stays hidden within whatever four walls Soonyoung’s in at the time. No bullshit. Just a release that you both seem to need. 

The last thing he needs to do is call down to the concierge. The best thing about staying in nice hotels like this is that they’ll provide discretion for the right amount. Won’t ask questions. Soonyoung always takes care of tipping them up front in case he needs it. It works out in times like this when he needs to ask them to have a key waiting for his room. You can breeze into any of these hotels when a race is in town without raising eyebrows. You’re at the races more often than not. And you have the money to stay in nice places with or without Taylor Williams. The two of you also learned after a close call that it’s better not to have him answer the door or take a chance. Much better to have you get a key with the room number on it from a concierge that won’t tip anyone off. 

Soonyoung turns some music on low just so it’s not so silent in the room. Sometimes the song and dance is a little different. Sometimes you want to at least talk a little first. Have a drink. Sometimes you just want to get down to it and decide about talking later. He chances a guess that it could be the first this time since it’s not quite as late as he normally hears from you. Pours a drink for himself and one for you as well. Sits back down onto the couch and is thankful that the nameless woman took care not to make a mess of it. Actually, he’s just thankful they didn’t get beyond his blowjob. 

A moment later, Soonyoung hears the sound of the lock and the door opens quietly. You step inside and gently shut the door behind you. It immediately feels a bit different. You’re wearing the kind of clothes you go out in. Maybe not to a bar or a club, but to a nice dinner. He tries to rack his brain to remember if your parents are in town for this race. Given that your eyes also look a little sad, he thinks they might be. It’s always worse for you when they’re around. He remembers you mentioning once that they don’t care for the type of headlines your boyfriend brings. Or the way he reflects on the family name. Then again, you don’t typically care what they think. It seems to be part of why you keep him around. Or at least, that’s how it seems to Soonyoung on the outside. 

“Thanks,” you say quietly and hold up the key before dropping it on the table by the door. 

Soonyoung stands with both glasses in hand and crosses to you. Holds out the drink for you. “You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” 

“That’s not really what we do,” you say, a little self-deprecating, a little to remind both of you. You throw back the drink in one gulp and hold the glass back out. 

He takes it with a little chuckle, finishes his own, and puts them both down on another table. When he turns back to you, he finds a nonexistent gap. You throw your arms around him and kiss him hard. Desperate. It catches him a little off guard, even with all the times you’ve been here before. It’s clear from that moment what you want, though. To just take what you need. He’s only too happy to let you because he knows it’s going to be mind-blowing. Like every other time. 

Your hands wind their way down to the front of his bathrobe, gently undoing the knot before sliding it off of him. It pools by his feet and he doesn’t bother worrying about it. Allows himself to reach out and pull you flush against his body. The expensive fabric of your outfit feels nice against his skin. Familiar. The scent of you invades his senses. Something a little citrusy with a floral undertone he’s never been able to place and you’ll never share. Something that’s also, somehow, a little…aquatic. It’s got to be something that you have made specifically for you. And maybe it wouldn’t smell as good on anyone else, but he thinks you could make a fortune. 

The way you kiss him is still demanding, your tongue tangling with his and a small fight for dominance. Of course, he allows you to set the tone when you want, but he’s still going to put up a little bit of a battle. Knows that you prefer it that way. And he doesn’t even mind that you’re still fully dressed because he knows it’s temporary. His hands wander down to squeeze your ass and you arch into him. Nip at his bottom lip in response. Neither one of you wants to come up for breath, it seems. Until you finally break apart. Eyes no longer looking sad. There’s that fire now that he’s so used to seeing. 

It’s all part of the game and he takes a step towards you again. You hold out a hand, splaying your fingers against his bare chest and shaking your head. So, he stays put, eyes wandering over your body. Slowly, you step out of your heels. Keep your eyes locked on his as you start to strip down. Seem to delight in the way he swallows hard when you reveal more of your body. It doesn’t matter how many times he sees you, it still hits him every time. 

“Breathtaking,” he utters, still audible over the low music playing in the background. It earns him a playful roll of your eyes. Sometimes, you claim to not believe him. That it’s just another line he uses on the stream of women that come through his bedroom. It’s not. Not with you. Not with the only person he lets back into his space time and time again. 

Somehow, you catch him off guard by stripping down completely. Not leaving anything for him to remove himself. You don’t let him wonder about that, though. Instead, you hook a finger into the waistband of his boxer briefs and pull him along with you to the couch. Push him down and straddle his lap to start kissing him again. This time is torture, though, with your bare pussy dragging across his lap separated by only the thing fabric of his briefs. His hands settle on your waist for a second before you move them to your ass. A moment later, when you drag your nails down his arms, he shivers underneath you. His dick twitches underneath you and you chuckle into his mouth. 

“Desperate for me, Soonie,” you coo, pulling back from the kiss. He would protest, but he knows you want him just as badly. Loves the way your lips are swollen already. Loves the feel of your skin against his. 

Instead of answering, he presses a kiss to your jaw and works his way down your neck. Resists the urge to bite down and mark you. To leave evidence that your idiot of a boyfriend isn’t the only one that can get up to shit. Only because he knows you don’t like anyone to mark you. You have a lot of functions to attend and don’t want the hassle of covering it. Besides, your appreciative moans are enough of a reminder. Enough to let him know that he’s doing just what he should be. As he kisses along your neck, you arch your back and he feels your nipples brush against him. It makes him take a hand from your ass and pinch one of your nipples. You roll your hips over his hardening cock in response and his eyes snap to yours. There’s a challenge there. 

One he welcomes. One he encourages. That’s the best part of you. You’re fiery and challenging and independent. At least when you’re with him. He’s got people falling all over him every time he steps out into the world. Here, he feels like he can exist just to serve your needs. Can have someone bold enough to take charge over him. You direct his mouth back down to your chest and he happily takes the hint. Sucks your nipple between his teeth and uses his other hand to dig his fingers into the flesh of your ass. He flicks his tongue over your hard nipple just the way you like. Nips at the skin just soft enough not to leave a mark and laves his tongue over the skin to soothe it. Then moves onto your other breast. Smacks your ass as you squirm in his lap to get him turned on. 

“You’re such a shit,” he says into your skin.

“You love that about me.” 

“Maybe.” 

“Come on, just admit it. You live for this.” 

His eyes snap up to yours, meeting the challenge. “I appreciate a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to just take it.” 

You lean back, breaking the contact, with a mischievous glint in your eye. Like it’s exactly what you’re waiting to hear. Like somehow you need to make sure he’s going to give you everything you want. Like he’s ever given anything less. And then, confusing him completely, you get off of his lap to sit beside him. He appreciates the wet spot on his briefs from you straddling him. Makes to adjust himself and you stop him.

“No, no, Soonie,” you coo, almost admonishing. 

“Aren’t we…” he starts, eyes knit together.

“Oh, we are. But since I’m pretty sure you had company when I texted, you’re going to take care of me first.” 

“Oh, am I?” 

“Get on your knees in front of me,” order and Soonyoung’s dick twitches again. It should not be so hot to hear you order him around like that. He swallows hard when you raise your eyebrows. Expectant. “Well?” 

“I’m just taking a minute to…”

“Don’t keep me waiting.”

“Patience,” Soonyoung pleads, taking another breath to calm himself the barest bit.

You pinch his nipple to get his attention and it does absolutely nothing to help him calm down. Just the opposite, actually. 

“On your knees in front of me, Soonyoung.” 

This time, he complies immediately. Settles down on the floor of the room in between your spread legs. Gets his first look at your slick cunt as you lean back into the sofa. It seems unfair that you should look so appealing like this. Sitting above him and relaxing like you’re in complete control. Like you’re not on the edge of totally losing it the way he is. He’s still kind of a shit, though. So, he looks up at you like he’s questioning what to do next. 

“And what now, sweetheart?” 

“Now you show me just how well you can eat this pussy and make me come all over your face,” you say, eyes locked on his, without missing a beat. 

Jesus. Every version of you is hot, but this one might be his favorite. The one who’s bold and unafraid to take what you want. The one who doesn’t care who Soonyoung is or that he can generally pull anyone he wants. The one that just wants to use him. Ask and you shall receive, though. 

Soonyoung doesn’t dive right in. Wants to at least work you up a little bit first. Spreads your lips open and licks a stripe up your center. Relishes in tasting your arousal because he knows it’s down to him. It’s clear that you’re impatient, but you don’t rush him. Not yet, at least. You let him lick into your cunt slowly. Squirm when his thumb brushes over your clit. Moan at each lick, though he knows it’s too slow. 

“Come on, Soon,” you groan with frustration. Finally. “I know you can do better.” 

It’s stupid to push you, yet he does it every time. And you come back every time. Just another part of the game, maybe. He heeds your request now, though, and truly dives into you. Buries himself as deep in your pussy as he can and eats you out like a man starved. Notes the way you squirm when his nose brushes your clit. Takes motivation from the way you moan. Lets you knot your fingers in his hair and direct his face to where you need him most. Smiles when you start to grind into his face. After all this time, he knows your tells. Probably better than you realize. Soonyoung knows your body in a way he’s rarely bothered to learn anyone else’s. When you’re always there, though, why should he bother with anyone else? 

When he knows you’re getting close, he pulls back. Doesn’t pause to see the split second moment of disappointment. He just guides two fingers into your cunt and starts pumping them quickly. Moves his mouth to your clit to suck it. Swirls his tongue around it and listens to the way your breathing hitches. Relishes the sound of his fingers fucking into your soaking wet pussy. Waits for your legs to squeeze against his head like they do every time you’re close. It’s only a few more moments before it happens. Your body starts to spasm and your pussy grips his fingers. He doesn’t let up even when you start coming. Only moves his mouth so he can lap up your arousal as he works you through your orgasm. 

The moment he feels that you’re coming back down, he slowly pulls his fingers out of you. Stands up and ignores any momentary pain in his knees because it’s worth it. He leans over you, bracketing you into the couch between his arms and kisses you. Sloppy and tasting of your arousal. You wrap your arms around him to pull him as close as you can in the awkward position. He can’t stand it, though, and pulls you up so you’re standing against him. Deepens the kiss.

“You taste so good,” he says against your lips. 

“You’re filthy,” you say, still a little breathless. You look down for a moment and then smirk back up at him. “Seems like you really did enjoy that.”

He doesn’t have to look down to know he’s tenting his briefs, yet he does anyway. When he looks back again, he sees that same hunger reflected back in your eyes. “Gonna let me fuck you for real, then?” 

You pretend to think for a moment. Act like you’re considering and he knows what you’re doing. Knows you’re goading a little. “Well…”

“Come on,” he says, playing along. “You know I can pull at least one more orgasm out of you.”

“Fine,” you say, like you need to be convinced. But, you grab his hand and start pulling him towards the bedroom. “Let’s go.” 

With anyone else, he would probably push back. Try to act like he had some sense of shame. With you, he follows along like he’s a little pussy drunk. Maybe he is. It’s just…well, he knows what it’s like to fuck you and will do whatever you want to get to fuck you again. If it means letting you get away with this little act, so be it. 

In the bedroom, you sit on the edge of the bed and look up at him. Watching him expectantly. He removes his briefs and lets his dick spring free. Very ready to go from everything leading up to this. Goes to grab a condom and strokes himself a couple times lightly before sliding it on. When he looks back at you, you’re moving to slide back into the bed. It’s not how he wants you, though. He grabs you by the ankles and pulls you back to the edge. Delights in seeing your eyes go wide just for a second. You bite your lip and regard him for a moment. 

“Well?” you challenge. “What now?” 

“Stand up and turn around,” he says. 

This is another one of the best parts about you. The push and pull of who is actually in control. With him, you take it just as easily as you give it up. And he doesn’t bother wondering if you’re like this with anyone else. He does, however, appreciate when you do as he says a moment later. Appreciates the view of you from behind, as well. 

“Beautiful from every angle, what the fuck?” he says under his breath.

You hear, though. Of course you do. “Such a charmer. I’m sure you say that to everyone.” 

He doesn’t. Not in that way. He’s an expert at making people feel wanted, but he doesn’t lie when he’s already gotten someone back to his bed. And there’s nobody that quite compares to the way you look without even trying. You’re looking for an answer, so he shakes his head in disagreement. 

“Do you want me to be careful with you tonight?” he asks, running a hand along your back to press you forward. Gently, since you haven’t answered yet.

“No.”

“Good.” 

It goes unspoken about why you might not want him to be careful and he doesn’t ask. Never presses you to talk about anything you don’t want to. You think that he might piece more together than you give him credit for. Still, you appreciate the way he lets you set the tone. Set the expectations. Never forces you into difficult conversations. He’s just there in whatever way you need him, seemingly whenever you need him. Something else you don’t ask him about. The way he always seems to know when things are falling apart for you. Maybe it’s a conversation for another time. 

Soonyoung spreads your legs and lines himself up at your entrance behind you. Drips a little bit of lube that you don’t remember seeing him grab between your lips and presses two fingers into you. It’s more than you expect after telling him that he doesn’t need to be careful. Until he presses himself into you and buries himself in one snap.

“Fuckkkkk,” you hiss. 

“You like it,” he taunts, gripping your hips. 

“Just because you gave me one orgasm already…” 

He moves one hand from your hips to cover your mouth and he begins fucking into you. The way he shuts you up so effectively shouldn’t be as hot as it is. You won’t ever tell him how much you like him. Not that you need to, really. It’s probably pretty obvious with the way your body reacts. After a moment, he moves his hand back to your hips and you cry out at the way he fucks into you so hard. So deep. Relentless in chasing a high. But, it’s always like this with him. His hips seem to move in the perfect rhythm. Proof of how much time he spends working out to keep himself in perfect shape. 

You’re gripping the comforter and thanking every decision that brought you here tonight because it’s exactly what you need. Soonyoung hitches one of your legs up so that it’s resting on the edge of the bed and you really think you might lose it. It lets him hit you even deeper. At an even better angle. Your brain goes a little fuzzy and you feel like a doll in his control. Like you might agree to anything he wants because it feels so damn good. 

It feels embarrassing that you’re chasing another high so quickly. But, the way he hammers into you is too much. He’s not careful. Not worrying about how much you can take. Because he knows that he doesn’t need to treat you like porcelain. Knows you like things a little filthy. Like feeling a little used. 

“I’m gonna come again, jesus fuck, Soonyoung,” you scream out. 

“Then, let go,” he groans back. 

That’s all you need to hear. You let go. Clench your pussy around his dick and he slows his thrusts to let you work through the orgasm. You have to move your knee from the bed so you can have two feet on the ground again. Soonyoung switches to an almost lazy pace that you don’t immediately register in your haze. While you’re in that haze, you expect him to be right behind you. Figure since he had been hard already that he can’t last that long.

You really should know him better than that.

Once you’re clear from the haze of your second orgasm, you realize he’s still slowly fucking into you. Register that he still feels impossible hard inside you. Realize what’s coming while you’re just about pushing too sensitive. Know it’s pointless to protest, and yet…

“Soonyoung, don’t…” you warn.

“Are you giving me the safe word? Do you want me to stop?” 

Of course, you know he’ll stop if you ask. Know that he will let you finish him in another way. Safe words and hard limits are one of the few long conversations the two of you have ever had. Figuring it’s necessary for this. It gives you a moment to consider. 

“No, I’m not,” you answer after a moment.

“Thank fuck,” he murmurs quietly. 

It registers that maybe he needs this just as much as you do. Maybe he has his own reasons for wanting to fuck you tonight. You hike your leg back up so your knee is on the bed again and arch your back so he can get the best angle. It’s all the permission he needs to pick up his pace again. 

And you feel everything. You’re more oversensitive than you realize, but the slight pain feels good. Almost feels like you need more. You try to meet Soonyoung’s thrusts without throwing off the rhythm because you  just need to feel more. Either he realizes or he wants to be in control. He gently puts a hand around your throat, as he has so many times before, and pulls you back towards him. You moan at the pressure. Not enough so that it’s a struggle to breathe, but definitely enough to add to the sensations. 

“Can’t let me be in control even for a moment,” he says, low and gruff into your ear. 

“Mmmmm,” you moan in response. 

“That’s right,” he encourages. 

He keeps his hand on your throat with the other anchoring your hip in place. You give up control completely and it feels like that’s really what he needs. To know that you’re willing to let him do whatever he wants. Willing to let him set the pace. Willing to let him put you in whatever position helps get him off. You’re not sure how you feel about Soonyoung separate from sex, but you trust him completely when it comes to fucking you. Sometimes, you even delight in the shift in power dynamics like tonight. 

Just as you’re approaching too much pain from him fucking hard into your raw pussy, you feel his rhythm falter. Feel the way he tenses behind you. Know that he’s about to come. You start to whisper encouragement without thinking about it. Reach down to rub your own clit because you’re somehow on the verge of yet another orgasm and you want to come with him. Don’t want to be this close to the edge without finishing one more time. He fucks into you, a little erratic, for a few more pumps and then stills. Breathing heavy behind you. 

It’s a stark contrast, the way he removes his hand from your neck and gently helps you get both feet on the floor again. The way he carefully slides himself out of you. It’s hard to tell if that part is on auto-pilot or reserved for you. Especially when you don’t bother to think about the other people he brings into his bed. Though, you do know on some level that he treats you differently. He places a couple gentle kisses along your back before you feel him pull away. His retreating steps head off towards a bathroom.

All you want to do is flop on the bed, but you follow him into the bathroom. You can’t help but take in his body as he pulls the condom off and tosses it in the garbage. Appreciate the way his stomach muscles contract. Drink in the lean lines of his body. Run your eyes over the scars you’ve already clocked countless times before and note that he doesn’t seem to have any new ones. Not a surprise, but still good to see. He’s beautiful and it’s not fair.

“I figured you’d have my body memorized by now,” he teases lightly and you swat him.

“Such a shit,” you grumble. 

“I’m gonna hop in the shower. Do you want to rinse off too?” he asks and you give him a look that has him throwing up his hands with a laugh. “Just a shower.”

“Yeah, I probably should,” you agree.

True to his word, Soonyoung only wants to shower and helps you also clean yourself off. This part is a little different from the norm. Most times you just leave. Most times Soonyoung doesn’t offer. He’s not really sure why he does tonight. Reasons it away as also needing to get cleaned off from the sweat and other fluids. 

He leaves you in the shower after pointing out a spare bathrobe and heads out into the living area of his suite. By the time you emerge, he’s got another drink in hand and a room service menu open in his lap. Another reason he always stays here when he comes to town for a race: they have 24 hour room service. He’s considering what he might like to order when you plop down onto the couch beside him, toweling off your hair.

“Oh, is that a room service menu?” you ask with interest and he glances over to see you’re also in a bathrobe. Not dressed and ready to go. Interesting. 

“Yeah wanna order anything?” he asks, handing over the menu. You hesitate a second before taking it and he wonders, not for the first time, what’s going on in your head. 

“You don’t care if I hang out for a bit?” 

Ah. So that’s the hang up. It’s something of a departure from the normal routine. Yet, it doesn’t feel like it should be weird. Surely you can share some food if he can bury himself between your thighs. Outwardly, he only shrugs. “Don’t make it weird.”

That lightens the mood and you playfully swat at his arm. “You know what I mean.” 

“Honestly, sweetheart, you could sleep here and I wouldn’t care.” 

Your eyes widen and it’s worth it solely for how comical it is. And then they narrow, which may be even funnier. “Now you’re just messing with me.” 

“I don’t have an early practice time tomorrow and I certainly don’t have other plans tonight, so you can stay as long as you like,” he says. 

Nothing about it seems that weird to him. In some ways, he knows you better than anything. He knows all the intimate ways to take you apart. Knows when to push and when to pull back. Knows every little thing you like, even if it’s not something you tell other people. But, then he doesn’t know nearly as much about your personal life as someone so intimately familiar with your body should. It always feels easier that way. He’s not even sure what presses him to depart from the norm now. Just that something about you seems different. 

“Careful what you wish for,” you say, but at least you’re smiling and looking down at the menu now. 

“Just pick whatever you like. I’m not picky about food,” he says and you smirk, but don’t comment on it. 

A few minutes later, the room service order is set and you have a fresh drink in your hand, courtesy of Soonyoung. The two of you sit back on the couch as you aimlessly flick through channels, trying to find something to watch without having to go into a streaming service. End up landing on some romantic comedy with a sideways glance at Soonyoung.

“Taylor wouldn’t even let me stop on something like this,” you say with a frown. 

Soonyoung only shrugs, at first. “He’s kind of an asshole.” 

“Kind of?” 

“I know you know what I think about him,” he says with a chuckle.

“Because you’re fucking me?” 

That gets an eye roll out of Soonyoung. “No, because I’m pretty honest about what I think of him every time he comes up in an interview.” 

“Fair enough,” you concede. 

It seems like your phone is about to vibrate off the side table and it’s hard to ignore. You notice the way it pulls his glance and silence it. It’s not exactly at the top of Soonyoung’s list to ask you again if you want to talk. Yet, he knows he needs to. Realizes you might not have a lot of people that could even begin to understand. He takes another sip of his drink and then turns to you.

“Still going to say you don’t want to talk about it?” 

You chew on your lower lip, a nervous habit that’s pretty unfamiliar to Soonyoung. Fiddle with the string on the bathrobe. Finally seem to reach a decision with a sigh. Direct your answer to your knees instead of to him. “I said that’s not what we do, not that I didn’t want to talk about it.” 

“You set that rule,” he says, soft but firm. You look up at him. “We can talk about it. It’s not like I’m blind to there being issues.” 

“You may not have realized it, but I kind of need this,” you say with a shake of your head. “Don’t really want to complicate it with feelings.” 

Soonyoung chuckles softly and takes another sip. “More complicated than cheating on your boyfriend, who happens to be one of my rivals on the grid?”

“It’s not cheating,” you protest and Soonyoung snorts. “It’s not. Not every time, at least. Not this time.”

He considers you for a second like he’s wondering just how curious to be. The curiosity wins out, though. “Not this time?” 

“We’re on a break,” you say after a moment. 

“Were you on a break when he was photographed with that girl that was definitely not you?” 

“I didn’t look closely enough to figure out the timeline.” 

“Why do you put up with it?” 

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand, Mr. Perpetual Bachelor.” 

For a minute, he thinks that maybe he’s pushing you too far. Yet, when he looks over, you’re smiling down into your drink. Leave it to you to enjoy that bickering. 

“Oh, try me, Miss Perfect Relationship,” he says and you look up. “Even though it’s me you call every time you need someone to fuck you right.” 

You nearly spit out your drink. “Honestly, the whole thing started because my parents never wanted me to get involved with a driver. And he can be sweet. I think that’s what keeps me coming back. I’m not an easy person to love and…”

“Who gave you that idea?” Soonyoung interjects. 

“What?” 

“Who made you think you’re difficult to love?” 

“Oh, well I guess…” you start and frown. Can’t hold back a laugh. “You know, I’m not really sure.” 

“Look, don’t…make a big deal about me saying all of this. But, you’re stunning and kind, funny and smart as hell, strong and independent. You could do a lot better than Taylor Williams,” he says. Misses the soft smile on your face because he’s too afraid to look over at it. Too worried you’ll turn it into something it’s not.

“Thanks, Soon,” you say. “One day, you might actually settle down and I bet you’ll make a great partner to someone.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” he says. 

“Hey, isn’t the next Grand Prix, where is it? Montreal? Isn’t that one on your birthday?” you ask, clearly steering the conversation out of potentially weird territory.

“It is,” he agrees, latching on. “Actually, my sister and her husband are going to come out for the whole thing with a couple of my friends from home. We’re all going out to dinner after the race with some of the members of my team.” 

“That sounds fun,” you say. 

“Yeah, I haven’t seen my sister on my birthday in forever, it feels like,” he admits.

“I’d say I hope you win, but…”

“Okay, here we go.”

And the conversation goes into playfully bickering about nothing important from there on out. Nothing dangerous, nothing of true substance. It feels just as easy as falling into bed, largely because you both seem to appreciate it for what it is. Both seem to understand there isn’t something deeper there. Just two people who sleep together from time to time. The food arrives and unsurprisingly, Soonyoung realizes you have good taste in food. He hadn’t been paying attention when you ordered. 

The real best part about having you around a little longer is that he can convince you back into bed. Not that it takes much convincing. All you ask is that he lets you digest before falling into bed. Normally he doesn’t do repeats or sleepovers. You’re always the exception that proves the rule. The one constant he allows in his life despite all the possible issues. 

It’s different, waking up with you in his bed the next morning. Weirder still to leave you there while he has to head over to the track. He knows that you’ll be gone by the time he gets back. Knows it’s the right thing. It still feels a little weird. 

The Canadian Grand Prix goes well. Soonyoung gets the pole in qualifying and manages a win, despite losing some position early in the race. It feels good to get the win on his birthday with his sister and his friends in town. It’s hard for his sister, especially, to come see him race in person these days, so getting a win feels all that much sweeter. It’s not his favorite track and sometimes he doesn’t feel like he races his best there, but none of that matters when he wins. The only downside is that Taylor Williams did not even finish the race. No rivalry. He’s not sure when a win became less meaningful without beating his rival. 

Briefly, he considers that maybe there’s still trouble in paradise with you, though he hasn’t seen any new headlines one way or another. Nothing on socials either, which is unusual. You’re posting, sure. Nothing seems to mention Taylor, though, and that part does feel unusual. Normally it’s clear, at least to him, if you’re in a good place or not. He’s not even sure if you came to the race. 

There are better things to worry about, though. Like getting ready to head out for his birthday. Montreal isn’t exactly his favorite city. There are plenty of places to go out, but too many of the locals look down their noses at the thought of speaking English. And he doesn’t speak French, can’t be bothered to learn for one race a year even if it falls around his birthday more often than not. Thankfully, there are enough places that they know from over the years. He knows that his manager made all the reservations so he wouldn’t have to take care of anything.

Dinner is just for Soonyoung, his sister, her husband, his friends from home, Jihoon, and a couple people from the pit crew and team of mechanics. Despite it being Soonyoung’s birthday, he insisted on picking up the tab. It’s enough for him that his friends got him presents. They should not have to pay on top of it. Soonyoung is careful with his money, invests it well. Yet, he’s also generous with it when it comes to the people he cares about. His financial manager does an excellent job. 

They meet a slightly expanded group of people, both from the team and some hangers on, when they make their second stop at a club. His manager, who definitely has her moments, also took care of reserving the private room far enough in advance so they can enjoy space from the rest of the club. On the way in, he notices you by one of the bars with some friends. Surprisingly, there’s no Taylor in sight. It piques Soonyoung’s curiosity a little too much. Then, he clocks you looking over at him while a friend of yours says something to you. That makes him more curious. Without considering if it’s a good idea, he asks Jihoon, who is considerably less recognizable, to go invite you and the group back into their room. If Jihoon thinks it’s a bad idea (he does), he doesn’t mention it. Just sighs and agrees. 

It’s relatively low stakes, too. You’re with a whole group of your friends and it’s a private room. Your friends seem to seamlessly integrate with him. One of them even seems to be a little drawn towards Jihoon, which makes him considerably less grumpy. A win if Soonyoung ever met one. Jihoon always claims that it’s too hard to date while on the circuit. And Soonyoung does acknowledge that his job is difficult. It’s so much more than just prepping the car on qualifying and race days. But, who better than one of your friends to pursue? 

A true surprise, though, is how easily you seem to get along with Soonyoung’s sister. The two of you acting like old friends within moments. Of course, his sister knows you. She doesn’t know the extent, because who would want to share that kind of thing with their sister? But, she knows on some level who you are to her brother. It’s a little weird to watch. Mostly because he thinks he should feel uncomfortable at the interaction and he doesn’t. 

“I like that one, Soon,” his sister says, catching him as he’s grabbing a drink. 

“I can see that,” he jokes back. 

“I know you say it’s complicated and I get why, but…”

“Don’t start.”

“You’re not getting any younger,” she presses, yet her eyes are alight with mischief. It’s an old argument. One she brings up at least once a month now. 

“You’re very funny,” he says and turns away without letting her hit her stride. 

Something his sister says must stick, though, because he’s breaking a lot of his rules tonight. In a quiet moment, he asks if he can see you back in his room. Hands you a spare room key when you agree and tries not to second guess his choices. It’s easy to act like everyone is going their separate ways when the night comes to an end. You head off with your friends without a backward glance and he wonders, just for a second, if he’ll really see you in a bit. 

Five minutes after he gets back to his room, he wonders why he worried in the first place. You’re slipping into his room and dropping a bag on the floor. Stepping out of your shoes to leave them by the door. Then, you jog across the room to throw your arms around him. Kiss him in a way that feels far more familiar. Like it’s something you even wanted to do while out in public. There’s a part of him that wants to pull back because it’s a little overwhelming. The louder part of him encourages sinking into it, though. At the end of the day, he does love the attention. It certainly feels like all of yours is on him now.

“Hang on, before we get carried away,” you say and pull away from him, heading back to your bag. 

“I like getting carried away, though,” he pouts. 

You pull something out of your bag, a box, it looks like, and hold it behind your back as you walk back over to him. He can’t help the way he tries to peek around your back to get a look at what it is. There’s not much point, though, once you hand it over to him. It’s a beautifully wrapped present.

“Happy birthday,” you say in a sing-song voice. 

“You didn’t have to get me something,” he says. “How did you even know you would see me?” 

“I didn’t,” you say with a shrug. “I know that I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. It just seemed like the kind of thing you might like.” 

His curiosity gets the better of him. It doesn’t seem possible that you would know him well enough to have a present for him. Or that you would just carry that present around with you. What would you say to your boyfriend? If he even is your boyfriend, right now. You and him have been so silent since the last race weekend. 

Inside, he finds a beautifully crafted, custom bottle of cologne. It’s a bold choice to pick out a fragrance for someone. A card in there says that it’s a specially crafted scent, not available for sale yet. He pulls off the cap to smell it right away and realizes it’s perfect. 

“Thank you,” he says, finally looking up to realize you’re watching him. Your face breaks into a smile. “I actually love it.”

“Yeah?” you ask.

“Yeah,” he says with a chuckle. “I was a little nervous seeing cologne but…”

“No, I know. It’s so hard to pick a fragrance, but one of the designers that I know asked my opinion on it and it immediately reminded me of you,” you say. 

“Now I feel bad that I’ve never gotten you a birthday present,” he says because he’s not sure what else to say. You just wave it off. 

“I like picking out presents far more than getting them,” you say. “I just kind of like experiences when it comes to getting presents.”

“I get that. It’s hard to shop for someone who can just get anything they want,” he admits and you’re immediately nodding.

“Yeah! And I don’t want stuff for the sake of stuff,” you said. 

Soonyoung moves to put the box and the cologne on the table, then reaches out for you. Sometimes, you like to tease him and dance out of his reach. That’s not the case tonight. You’re more than happy to settle against him. Happy to just wrap your arms around him. It feels strangely intimate. Almost like a continuation of seeing you in Barcelona two weeks prior. Everything about him would normally push that away. No relationships. No repeats. Nothing that could create drama. And definitely none of those things with someone already in a complicated relationship. 

Tonight, he just wants to let it happen. See how it feels. See what all the fuss about letting someone into his world is about. 

Slowly, he puts a hand under your chin and tilts your head up so that he can kiss you. He moves his hand to cradle your face. So that he can really direct the kiss. Can keep it slow and steady. For a single moment, you put up a fight for control. Soonyoung only holds you tighter and he feels the moment your body releases the tension against him. The moment you become putty in his hands feels great. He loves the back and forth with you, truly. He just wants something a little different today. 

“Can I admit something that I shouldn’t?” you ask when Soonyoung breaks the kiss for a moment. You direct the question to his shirt, like you’re hiding your face. 

It’s a little too serious and he can’t entirely fight the urge to lighten the mood, even while leaning into this different dynamic. “I’ve been between your thighs more times than either of us could count. You can admit anything.” 

That gets you laughing a little, at least. You’re still not looking up at him, but at least there’s the little giggle. “I wanted to kiss you while we were out. Like in front of my friends and your friends and your sister and everyone.” 

“I thought about it too,” he says and you finally look up. 

“That’s weird for us, isn’t it?” you ask and he just smiles.

“Maybe,” he admits. “But, I don’t really want to stress about setting rules tonight.”

“That’s fair,” you agree.

“All that stuff, that can be a tomorrow issue,” he insists and you smile, though it looks forced for a second. 

“Yeah, you’re right,” you say. 

It may not be entirely fair, the way he wants you to be on the same page as him without really saying what he wants. It seems like you’re willing to at least go along for now, though. Soonyoung kisses you again and hopes that you can read the cues. Read the things he doesn’t know how to say through a kiss. It should occur to him that he’s never really enjoyed kissing this much, either. Yet it doesn’t. His mind is on a million other things and he doesn’t exactly read the signs, either. 

He pulls away again and you give him a quizzical look. “Do you trust me?” 

“Uh,” you start. It’s a confusing question to ask, you think. Especially when he wants to leave any deeper conversations until tomorrow.

“I meant like in the bedroom,” he carries on and you nearly roll your eyes. 

“Yes, Soonyoung. I think we figured that out the moment we set a safe word,” you say. It’s not exactly what you want to say. Not all of what you want to say. It’s still honest, though.

“Come on,” he says. 

No explanations, just a look like he might devour you if you let him. You’re intrigued, though, despite any lingering reservations you have about whatever is happening. He takes your hand and you let him lead you back into the bedroom. Another bedroom in another hotel. It seems like it’s the only place you ever see him because whatever there is between you only exists in the foreign cities of the races around the world. Maybe, you think, it’s still okay for now. 

Soonyoung kisses you again and hesitates as he moves to start sliding your clothes off. Like he’s asking permission. It’s so gentle that it makes you want to scream a little internally. Externally, you only nod in permission. Let him slide the fabric from your body. You don’t want to be entirely passive either, moving to pull his shirt off. Undoing his pants as he gets you down to only your panties. 

“Will you get on the bed for me?” he asks.

Gentle. He’s being so impossibly gentle with you and it’s making your head spin. It’s not the first time. You and Soonyoung have had all sorts of sex in the past. Now, though, seeing him two race weekends in a row, is something else. Seeing him on his birthday and seeing him out instead of behind closed doors. There’s something about the gentle way he approaches you that has your heart beating the most uneven pattern.

Soonyoung watches as you consider his request for a moment. Wonders what you’re thinking and if you’re going to agree. Wonders if there’s something that you want to say. Then, you smile at him and shut whatever you were thinking behind a mask again. It’s clear, yet he’s not sure that he wants to consider what it might mean. He’s only happy to see you walk over to the bed. The sight of you backing up and laying back effectively shuts out any other thoughts. You’re stunning. Every version of you. You’re the only person who’s ever had him at a loss for words. 

“What?” you ask, looking self-conscious for just a moment. He hates thinking he might have made you look that way. Hates that you ever second guess anything about yourself.

“You’re just perfect,” he says after a moment. You roll your lips together. Try to hide that you’re pleased to hear it. “No, you are. I’ve never known anyone that could take my breath away so easily.” 

“So smooth,” you say like you’re put out.

“I still mean it. Just like I told you two weeks ago,” he says and you nearly blush. 

“Okay, you have me in bed. What are you doing with me now?” you ask. 

It shouldn’t turn him on the way it does. But, hearing you ask what he’s going to do with you like he has full control really does it. And he knows you’re playing it up, too. Looking up at him from the bed with those big eyes. Like you’re more innocent than he knows you are. Like you’re waiting for him to take charge. It works all the same. 

“I want to blindfold you,” he starts and you have to fight a shiver at the way it excites you. 

“Okay,” you agree because it seems like he’s going to say something else. 

“And I want to tie your wrists to the bedposts,” he says and you take a deep breath. Leave it to him to combine the two. “Is that okay?”

“I think it’s probably more than okay,” you say softly, but you know he hears you. 

For once, he’s thankful that so many designers send him things because it means that he has some scarves in a bag that never made their way out. He also has sleep masks that he uses when he flies. Not the sexiest blindfold to use, yet it’ll work. You look comfortable lying on the bed when Soonyoung returns with his props. There’s a smile in your eyes as you watch him secure your wrists to the bed. 

“What?” he asks, unable to help himself. 

“Are you really tying my wrists with Hermes scarves?” you ask and he looks down at them.

“I don’t know. Someone just sent them to me and they’ve been in the bottom of one of my suitcases since,” he says. 

“Sorry, carry on,” you say, still smiling to yourself. 

“I’m putting the blindfold on now. Let me know if anything is too much,” he says and you nod. 

“I will,” you assure him as everything goes dark.

Everything feels heightened. It’s not the first time you’ve used a blindfold, but it’s the first time with him and it feels…different. Feels more. You can’t even see the way that Soonyoung pauses to drink in the sight of you. Can’t see the way his eyes blaze in his desire for you. Then, you feel something soft running along one of your arms and you suck in a breath.

Soonyoung trails a scarf that he didn’t use along your body and appreciates every tiny reaction. Without your eyes on him, he feels like it’s easier to appreciate you. Easier to just watch you without wondering if you’re watching him back. He doesn’t feel self-conscious about anything, usually. And he’s not sure he does about this, either. He just knows that he likes being able to see you in this way. 

Having your legs free also makes you feel like you haven’t given up complete control. You’re not sure why it matters, really. Whether or not you trust Soonyoung outside of the bedroom is debatable. Probably not advisable, even. But, in the bedroom, you do trust him. For whatever that’s worth. Trust that he’ll stop if you ask. Trust that he’s not going to push you into something you really don’t want. It’s a weird dynamic, to be so completely sure you trust someone only in this most intimate way. 

After a moment, Soonyoung’s lips replace the soft material of the scarf. Your eyes close without considering that you can’t see from the sensation. From wanting to focus on that feeling and nothing else. He takes your ankle in his hand, so much gentler than you would expect. It feels like he’s worshipping your skin and he peppers kisses up the side of your calf. The soft sounds of his lips on your skin feel amplified in the quiet of the room. As he slides his hand further up your calf, you shiver. Sink further into the mattress and just enjoy the attention.

Briefly, Soonyoung wonders if he’ll have to tell you to relax. To just enjoy it. Until he watches the tension slip from your body with each additional kiss. It strokes his ego in a way that he won’t admit, knowing you’re this comfortable. Even though he’s not the one blindfolded, he still feels like his senses are heightened, too. You gasp, barely audible, when his breath ghosts across your core through the thin fabric of your panties. It feels unmissable like this. 

It’s impossible for you to think of anything other than Soonyoung when he’s like this. So singularly focused on you and your pleasure that you’re sure nobody else exists in the world. So unselfish that you think he would be fine just taking care of you without any concern for his own pleasure. Maybe he gets his pleasure from seeing you. From knowing how he makes you squirm. Or maybe he knows the things you won’t say. Knows, somehow, that nobody else gives you an orgasm like him. Nobody else gets your toes curling and your legs shaking. It’s something else you can’t say. Something you struggle to even admit to yourself. Sometimes, though, it seems like he knows anyway. Or he’s just confident. 

He’s everywhere over your body. Kissing every inch of you, even the parts that might make you self conscious. Everywhere except for the place that you want him the most. Kisses all the way up your inner thigh and blows across your center without putting his mouth there. Without even removing your panties. Works his way up your stomach and trails his fingers along your legs. Hovers over you and kisses up the hollow between your breasts. Even pulls your nipple between his teeth. Teases your nipples to the point where you wonder if he can coax an orgasm out of you without even his fingers between your legs. 

It isn’t until he kisses along your jaw and whispers in your ear that you realize this might be a test of patience. One you, realistically, have already lost by the sheer fact of his existence. Of the way he knows your body like his favorite tracks. Knows when to speed up and when to pull back. The whispers in your ear are filthy. Make you blush. Make you a little desperate for him. He’s patient. It’s what makes him such a good driver. Makes him just as good like this, too.

“Please, Soon,” you finally whimper out. 

“Please, what?” he teases back. You don’t need to see his face to hear the smirk there. To know that you’re right to assume this is a game and you’re losing.

“I can’t take the teasing anymore. I want to feel you,” you ask, breathless. 

There’s a moment of quiet where you can feel him adjusting, like he might be settling next to you. He runs a finger up your thigh and it makes you shiver again. Then his lips are at your ear. “How do you want to feel me?” 

“I…” you start, only to break off when his finger brushes once up through your core, through the fabric

“Do you want to feel my fingers?” he asks, voice low and velvety. You feel him move again by the way the bed shifts. And by the way he moves your legs apart. His breath ghosts across your core again and you actually moan. Embarrassing. Your panties are ruined at this point, you’re sure. His voice is just as low, still. “Or do you want to feel my mouth?”

“Anything, please,” you beg. Again, embarrassing. 

“So needy,” he says and his breath hits you where he won’t. Not yet, at least. 

“I feel like I’m about to come without you even doing anything,” you admit. Appreciate the way his breath blows out in a slight chuckle. 

“I can tell.”

And it should be embarrassing. You know that. Except, it’s just…not. Not with him. Not when you know that he wants you as much as you want him. Not when you’re safe inside these four walls. Not when you wonder if you might be just as safe with him outside of him. 

Thankfully, he cuts that thought off when he slowly hooks his finger into your panties. Pulls them carefully down your legs and discards them to the side. Then he returns and you feel his breath finally hitting you without anything in the way. Can feel how wet you are. After a long moment, he licks into your cunt. A purposeful stroke of his tongue and very nearly sends you over the edge. Then another. And another. You don’t need to see him because the picture in your head does all the work for you. Soonyoung intent on making sure he takes care of you. Eating you like you’re the only meal he wants. For once, you don’t want to rush him either. You don’t want to rush the experience of feeling him like this when one sense cut off. Honestly, you think you might ask him to do it more if it feels this good. 

The pace is slow. But, it makes the build up crazy. He moves his mouth to circle your clit when he slips a finger inside you. Adds a second immediately and you really are done for in moments. The orgasm is so strong that it has you pulling against your arm restraints. Curling your toes. Screaming out words you’re not even sure make any sense. As always, he works you through it. Doesn’t overdo it, though. 

The world comes back into focus a moment later when he reaches up with one hand to pull the eyemask off your face. You blink against the low light as his face comes into focus. Of course he’s watching you. Watching the way you adjust. Or watching to wait for the moment when he knows you’ll see him put his fingers into his mouth and lick the taste of you off them.

“Jesus fuck,” you groan. The way he looks at you is sinful. Should be illegal.

When he pulls himself up again to hover over your body again, you lean up to meet his lips as much as you can with your arms still restrained. Relish the feverish way he kisses you. Appreciate the way it feels like he’s claiming you. He hovers just over your body, not quite touching you, and it drives you even crazier. Makes you forget he’s already brought you to the edge once. You feel a little desperate for more of him. He pulls away far before you’re ready.

“Easy, sweetheart,” he says with a chuckle. Except, now you can finally see that he’s just as affected as you. Can see the way his pupils are blown and the way he tents his briefs. Can see the way he swallows hard as he pulls himself away, like it’s physically hard to be separated, even for a moment. 

“You say that like I can do anything about it,” you joke. A little bolder now that you can see.

He stops for a moment and looks back at you. Like he’s considering something. It’s too cute when he furrows his brow that way. “Do you want me to untie you?”

“No,” you say. No trace of hesitation. His brow unfurrows and that stupid smiles comes back in its place. 

“I knew you wanted to be a pillow princess,” he teases as he turns back around.

“Not always, but I don’t mind it tonight.”

He rifles through a bag and turns back around with a condom. Pushes his briefs down and then rips the wrapper open with his teeth. Runs his hand along his cock twice before rolling the condom down over it. And then he’s moving to the bed again.

“Still comfortable?” he asks as he positions between your legs.

“Yes,” you say.

There’s a smart retort that dies on his lips when he meets your eyes. There’s so much trust there. So much care. So much he can’t remember seeing before that makes it feel a lot different. It’s enough to make him rethink his tactics. 

“Good. I want you to be comfortable.”

“I always am with you, Soonie.”

There’s something about it all that makes them both feel like that can be a little more vulnerable. Probably the nature of the restraints. Yet, what started off feeling sexier now feels a little more intimate. A little more tender. A little more…well, everything, really. 

Soonyoung guides himself into you, slowly coaxing his length in. And then his thrusts are slow again. Just like his mouth was on you. He lowers his body so that he’s pressed against you, though you don’t feel his weight. He keeps that offset so you’re not uncomfortable. You want to run your hands up his arms to give yourself something to do. Want to be able to distract yourself from the intensity. There’s no way to do that though. And when you do look up into his eyes, you find him already looking at you. Watching your reactions. 

You tilt your head up and he takes the hint. Kissing him feels easier than finding the right words. Or just looking at each other. It’s impossible to tell when you end and he begins like this. You hook your legs around him just to connect you even more. Time loses all meaning and you’re not in a rush to hurry this along. Not even aware of any sensitivity from the first orgasm. Or from the way the silk holds your wrists. 

Even with as slow as he’s going, you both feel like you get to the edge faster than you might want to. It could have been hours or minutes, though. Neither of you know. His thrusts start to stutter just as he coaxes the second orgasm from you and both of you come together. It’s one of the most overwhelming feelings you can remember. With him or with anyone else. 

He lets a little more of his weight rest on your body, slightly offset to the side. Before he even pulls out of you, he reaches one hand up to quickly undo the knots. Once you have the use of your arms back, you immediately put them around him to hold him against you. If it surprises him, he doesn’t show it. Just stays like that with you in silence for several long moments. Then he kisses your temple. Your nose. Your lips. Featherlight kisses before he eases himself out. 

The loss of Soonyoung feels more noticeable, even while watching him walk over to the bathroom. You absently rub your wrists and stretch out your body. He returns with a wet cloth and stops, watching you.

“Are you still okay?” he asks tentatively, face relaxing when you smile. 

“I don’t know if I’ve ever been better,” you admit.

He smiles wide. “Come on. I’ll clean you up and we can go to bed.”

You don’t even question that he means for you to come to bed with him. Or what any of this means. You just let the night be what it is and let figure it out be a tomorrow issue, like Soonyoung says.

Things normally feel different in the light of day. And they do, but they also don’t. Soonyoung wakes up wrapped up in you and it doesn’t feel weird. Doesn’t even feel unusual when he woke up to you after his last race as well. It feels like something he could see doing more. Maybe in a slightly different world where he could navigate this relationship without it being a whole shitstorm. Or maybe in this world with you understanding that things may have to move forward slowly. Being part of this grid, of this world, can be a little like a soap opera. He doesn’t want to make that worse. 

When you start to stir, he braces himself. Yet the conversation doesn’t come immediately. The two of you get out of bed and go about ordering breakfast. Make small talk. Wonder about races coming up next on the circuit. It’s easy to talk to you about racing because you know it nearly as well as the drivers. You take the time to understand all the ins and outs. 

Eventually, though, the conversation turns to something a little more serious. More substantial. As Soonyoung knows that it needs to. 

“So last night was different,” you say tentatively in a lull in the conversation. 

“It was,” he agrees.

“I don’t really know what to do with that. I don’t know what to do with wanting to kiss you out in public. I don’t know what to do with the fact that you’re the one I call every time my life is in flames,” you say. It’s far more honest than he’s expecting. 

“I don’t really know, either,” he admits after a moment. “And I don’t know why I always answer.”

“You must like having me around,” you joke and he smiles. 

“Sometimes,” he jokes back. 

“D’you want it to be actually different?” 

He considers for a moment. Studies your face to see if he can find the right answer there. This is uncharted territory. He settles on something true, though it isn’t entirely an answer. “I don’t think we can ignore that it is different now.” 

“That’s not what I asked.” 

“What do you want?” 

You sigh. “Not to blow up my life for someone that can’t commit to an answer.”

“I think it’s clear that I make space for you in my life regardless of anything else,” he says. “I know that you know I’ve blown other things or people off to answer you.”

“I do know that, but that’s also not really an answer?” 

“You’re not giving me a full answer, either.”

“You’re right,” you admit. “I don’t know. There’s a reason that I always come back to you whenever anything else goes wrong. You feel…I don’t know. I shouldn’t say.”

“What?”

There’s a slight blush on your cheeks when you look down. Soonyoung closes the space between you so that he can support you. Your eyes meet his and he realizes you’re actually going to answer. “You feel safe. Which is crazy because we’re not together.”

“Maybe we could figure that out,” he says softly. There’s so much hope in your eyes.

“What about the headlines? And your team?” you ask.

“We could figure all of that out. Obviously I don’t want things to be drama filled, so it may take some time. We may not be able to just throw this into everyone’s faces right away. But, I think we could figure something out at least. Something where we see more of each other.”

“Right, yeah,” you say and all Soonyoung feels is relief. It’s a relief that you seem to understand. 

“I only ever hear from you when something is wrong or when there’s a headline,” he says. It isn’t accusatory, yet you still don’t love hearing it.

“Yeah, it’s kind of a habit,” you admit and can’t help the next thing that comes out. “You never message me first, either.”

“Because you’re in a relationship and I don’t want to cause problems with him.”

“Except on the grid,” you point out and he laughs. 

“That’s different,” he counters. And it is, isn’t it?

“You say you don’t want drama or complicated,” you start and he nods. Still seeming happy because he thinks you’re on the same page. “Isn’t that kind of counter to anything we have here?”

He thinks for a moment. Looks like he’s trying to do some sort of complex math problem. Then meets your eyes again. “No, I don’t think so. It’s not like we’re going to walk out and be like hey, we’re together. We can just start by actually talking and getting to know each other.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” you say. He misses that it’s a bit noncommittal. 

The rest of the conversation kind of goes the same way. Soonyoung feels like he makes it clear that he does have interest. It does feel different. It’s equally important for him that he doesn’t mess anything up for his team. Or with his sponsorships. It can’t look like you’re cheating on Taylor with him. Or that you ever have. He’s not sure he’s going to be immediately ready to tell even the members of his team that you’re around in a different capacity now. But, he thinks that he does a good job of getting the point across. Figures that you have to understand because you’ve been around this world long enough to know that it isn’t just about the two of you. It can’t just continue to be thinking only of each other if it’s something more than the hidden moments.

After all, it’s still in the thick of the season. There’s a break coming up where he may be able to figure more of it out, but that’s over a month away. Even mentions that maybe the two of you can make some sort of plans for that break to tuck away out of the public eye. Take more time to answer all the questions before adding more people into the mix. It’s so important for him to stay dialed in. You seem like you’re nodding along, agreeing with what he’s saying. Agreeing with next steps. It feels like you’re on the same page. 

When he kisses you goodbye and gets ready to lock back into his schedule, he feels like there’s something different to build on. It’s odd, the way he’s looking forward to seeing more of you. Part of why he hesitates on relationships is because he needs to be a bit selfish for his career. Needs to put that first sometimes. Needs to find someone who can appreciate that. Maybe that person is you.

Soonyoung expects to hear from you after you spend his birthday with him. He knows, at least on some level, that things felt a little weird when you left his hotel room. But, still, things feel different between you and him and he expects to hear from you. The few times he does hear from you might feel stilted if he stopped to think about it. With training and preparing for the next race, he doesn’t think about it, though. Doesn’t really have a frame of reference to what healthy communication looks like in a relationship anyway. 

It doesn’t occur to him that something is really wrong until he gets onto his socials and sees one of your posts. It’s another too-sappy post about Taylor and it feels more than a little confusing. After all the conversations, how could you just go running back to something so clearly toxic? Had it been something in the way you said goodbye after the last time seeing each other? He’s not really sure and he’s not even really sure there’s anyone that he can talk to about it.

With either the best or the worst timing possible, Jihoon comes into the hotel room carrying take-out. Bless him for realizing some take out breakfast is a better way to start the day than whatever non-existent health option the team might have. He sets it down and starts pulling boxes out without saying anything. It almost feels more ominous that way.

“You’re quiet,” Soonyoung comments. 

“So are you,” Jihoon retorts. “Which is normal for me. Not so much for you.” 

“Yeah, well,” Soonyoung says with a shrug.

“Wanna talk about it?” 

This is Jihoon all over. He shows up with food. Gives them something to do. And then sits back so they don’t have to look at each other while they have potentially difficult conversations. 

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I saw her socials too, Soon.” 

“Which is why there’s nothing to talk about.” 

“We both know that’s not true. I can tell you’re feeling something that you’re not saying.” 

“Are you asking as my chief engineer or my friend?” 

There’s no hesitation before he answers. “Your friend.” 

“I don’t know. It seems kinda bullshit that she’s just back with him like the past two times I saw her didn’t mean anything.” 

“Did you ever say that to her?” 

“Say what?”

“Did you say you wanted her to leave him?”

“Not in so many words.”

“She’s not a mind reader.” 

There’s a long pause as Soonyoung takes a bite to figure out what he wants to say next. He knows that his friend is right. What he doesn’t know is if he wants to admit it. Finally comes to a conclusion. “I know.” 

Then, there’s a departure because Jihoon actually shifts to turn towards Soonyoung and look at him. Even out of the corner of his eye, Soonyoung can tell Jihoon seems concerned. “What did you two actually talk about?”

A shrug. “I’m not really sure. We agreed that it felt different and that we couldn’t keep ignoring the pull we felt towards each other.”

“And?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Did you say something she might have taken the wrong way?” 

Soonyoung stops to cast his mind back on the conversation. It feels a little hazy because it’s not the part he focuses on. He remembers the feeling of you tied up beneath him. Doesn’t remember the conversation verbatim. “I’m not sure. We’ve always been on the same page about being in each other’s lives. It doesn’t have to be overly complicated.”

Jihoon snorts and looks away from Soonyoung again to focus on his food like there’s something amusing about that. It confuses him. What about that would be confusing? Thankfully, Jihoon doesn’t keep him guessing much longer. “You’re an idiot.” 

“What?” 

“Bro, it’s so obvious that she likes things a little complicated,” Jihoon says around a bite of food. “She’s not happy unless there’s a little drama.” 

“You think she’s mad that I wanted to just kind of keep things the way they were?” Soonyoung wonders. Jihoon shrugs.

“I don’t pretend to understand women,” he says. “But, I do think if that’s how you left it, it kinda makes sense she would go back. It’s not like you told her not to, right?”

“It should have been clear,” Soonyoung says.

“You’re both idiots,” Jihoon says. 

“You know what the worst part is?” 

“What’s that?” 

“I can’t even tell if she was with him again on my birthday or not.”

“Since when do you care?” Jihoon asks, eyebrows nearly disappearing into his hairline.

Soonyoung frowns. “I’m not saying I do.”

“Sure, Soon.” 

“Just eat your food and thank me for paying.”

“Seems only fair given all the shit you put me through and how much you make when you win thanks to me,” Jihoon fires back and Soonyoung sighs. 

The rest of the day goes by in a blur of the typical schedule. Team meetings and media availability. Even the questions from the reporters feel typical. Soonyoung is, once again, at the top of the standings. All of his questions revolve around preparations for the next race. Or how he plans to fend off the rest of the racers. Or if he’s expecting Taylor Williams to make a run of it when he’s several positions behind. Soonyoung knows all the answers by heart. Whatever he’s like off camera, he knows how to play it on camera. Always has the reporters, and usually his teammate, laughing. It’s easier given that the media availability is just for McLaren without other drivers or teams. Then it’s off to his training session in the gym. Following that is his training session on the simulator, which he doesn’t really need, but at least it feels like an easy way to remind him of any track challenges. Somehow there are more team meetings after that. 

By the time he gets back to his hotel room that evening, his brain is tired and he’s trying to remember if he even ate anything at any of the meetings. He orders something light from the room service menu and tells them that they can just leave it in his room if he doesn’t answer the door. He feels like he needs a shower to wash off the day.

His food waits for him in the sitting room when he gets out of the shower. There’s a note saying that if it isn’t warm enough when he gets it that they will send up a replacement. It doesn’t bother him, though, and he doesn’t ever want to waste food anyway. As he sits down, he wishes that he could video chat his sister. Or one of his friends from home. He knows he has several messages from them from throughout the day that went unanswered. It’s only like 4 am in Seoul, though, so he can answer messages. Actually talking isn’t an option. And he’s not going to bother Jihoon again because he’s already given his opinion, both over breakfast and in the quiet moments during the day. Not for the first time, he thinks that timezones kind of suck. 

Soonyoung can’t help it. You’re on his mind and it’s really annoying. A small voice says that Jihoon is probably right. He didn’t set any sort of expectations and didn’t give you the reassurance that you  might need to cut things off with Taylor. But, then, does he even know if he wants you in that way? All of you without all of the hiding behind closed doors? Or is it exactly that which keeps him on the hook? Is it that you’re around yet don’t expect anything that works for him? Does he want to deal with any drama that might cause since you’re such a public person? 

All questions that he’s not sure he can answer.

The louder part of his brain is just kind of mad at you. He let you see more of him than he typically would anyone else in his bed. Let you meet his sister and his friends while celebrating his birthday. Maybe most people don’t know the situation. Maybe most won’t see you going back to Taylor as anything other than the typical cycle. But, he knows. Knows that it’s a dig directly at him. Feels it acutely as a shot to his ego. For the first time, he wonders if this is what it feels like when Taylor Williams constantly comes in behind him. Soonyoung doesn’t like losing in any aspect of his life. If he’s staying unattached to anyone, then it should be his choice. Not yours. 

It’s that feeling that drives him to message you. Full well knowing that it might cause issues. He doesn’t care.

The banner under your name shows you as online nearly immediately. Then he sees the double checkmark turn blue to say you read it. There’s no follow-up message to say you’re typing. He sets his phone down in irritation. Of course you’re going to read it right away without answering. A beat. His phone is in his hand again and he’s halfway through typing a response when the screen displays a video call request from you.

It’s embarrassing that he answers right away. Your face takes up the screen and it seems like it’s dark wherever you are. A hotel room, by the looks of it. It seems like you have earbuds in as well. 

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you hiss through the screen.

“What’s wrong with you?” he retorts. Smooth, he thinks.

“I’m not the one sending messages randomly,” you say and look off screen. “You should know where I am.”

“Yes, I saw your sappy post talking about your perfect relationship. Even though we both know that’s bullshit.” 

“Real rich, coming from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

You give him a look that seems out of place. It’s not something he expects to see. “You cannot possibly be serious.” 

“I thought we had a good time the last time I saw you, so…”

That look again. Now mixed in with a touch of exasperation. “I can’t tell if you’re serious.”

“Of course I am. We said it felt different.” 

“Yeah, it did,” you say and look away again. Seem to be checking something. “You also made it clear that you didn’t really want anything to change.” 

“Why change what works for us?” 

“You mean only existing behind closed doors?” 

Soonyoung frowns. Scrunches up his face like he’s contemplating the problems of the world. In any other situation, you might find it cute. Not so much now. He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times before he finds the words. “That’s not really…I just meant that things aren’t complicated.”

You stifle a laugh without any humor behind it. “Things are pretty fucking complicated, actually.”

“Sure, when you go back to that idiot.” 

“That idiot doesn’t force me to exist in private. I like to love out loud. I like to post the person I’m with. I like to go out on dates and let people see me with the person I’m with. I don’t want to exist only behind closed doors.” 

“Okay, and?” 

“How are you confused?” 

“Because you’re jumping to all these conclusions.”

“I don’t see how I could have taken it any other way. You talked about not wanting drama or complications or any of that. You talked about how racing is everything to you and you always want to take care of your team. I’m not sure where you think I fit in.”

“So you just decided for me?” 

“Honestly, you’re 29 and you should probably be able to figure out relationships a little better than this.” 

“Oh, now you’re giving me relationship advice?” 

“No,” you say, deflating a little. “Let me ask you something, though?”

“Fine.”

“Can you not see how what you said would make me question things? How it would seem like you just wanted to keep existing only in private? How it might make me think you wanted to also be able to keep seeing whoever because you came across as single to the whole world?” 

It’s the first thing that brings him up short. Mostly because he realizes how far apart you and him actually are. There’s no world where that thought process makes any sense. Saying that he doesn’t want drama or issues for his team doesn’t translate to wanting to still fuck a bunch of other people if he’s in a relationship. It seems insane that, after all this time, you could still think something like that. 

And Jihoon’s words come back to him. Or maybe it’s just Soonyoung’s interpretation of them. You want that toxic kind of love. The kind of love that doesn’t feel real unless you’re fighting about shit. He doesn’t even stop to think that maybe it’s because you’ve never known a healthy relationship either. Doesn’t consider that your own parents made plenty of tabloid headlines when they were younger. Doesn’t think about the people that you tend to keep around you and the examples those people set. Your entire life from childhood has played out in the public eye, on some level. Why should it be any different now?

“No, I can’t,” he finally says and you just nod like it’s a foregone conclusion. 

“You don’t get to keep having a say in my relationship when you’re not even listening to me.”

“I am listening,” he says with an eyeroll. “It just seems pointless.” 

“Then find someone else that doesn’t make it seem pointless,” you say with more bite than he’s heard before. You look off screen and sigh. “He’s finishing up his game. I can’t keep doing this. Goodbye, Soonyoung.” 

You hang up before he gets a chance to respond. The goodbye hangs heavy in the air. It feels like this really might be it for you and him. Maybe that’s a good thing, though. Cut it off before you become enough of a distraction to impact his racing. 

True to your word, Soonyoung doesn’t hear from you after the terrible video call in Austria. He doesn’t reach out either. It’s hard to avoid any mention of you, though, since you seem to be making a point to come to all the races. But, no gossip headlines seem to follow. It seems that, for once, Taylor is just focusing on you and racing. Nothing extra. Maybe that’s because you’re at all the races. He’s not sure, though. As hard as it can be sometimes, he tries not to look at your socials. Knows that it’ll drive him crazy. 

In truth, he’s actually doing a good job of keeping himself busy. The British Grand Prix had come quickly after the Austrian Grand Prix, which helped in the initial aftermath. His team also has some changes that they want to make to the car and he takes his time adjusting to them. Racing will always be his first love and it’s nice to just throw all his energy into that. 

It also feels more manageable when he’s not going out and picking up random women. If his team notices this change, most don’t comment. There’s only Jihoon joking about the change to the gossip articles about him. Now, they’re wondering why he hasn’t been partying or going out. Some speculate that he’s met someone while others consider he’s hurt. Those don’t get nearly the traction, according to Jihoon, because people assume he would be partying if someone hurt him. 

Then comes the nearly month-long break between races in August and it’s a great opportunity to get away from it all for a bit. To see his sister and his friends. To catch up on all the things that feel a little too difficult when races come one after another. To do anything to avoid considering that time he suggested you and him could take advantage of the break. It gives him a chance to reset. Something he puts an exclamation point on when he decides that he wants to try out dyed blond hair instead of his usually shaggy black that he wears. 

At his team’s insistence, he also agrees to a photoshoot with Vogue. It feels like a little bit of a stretch. He cares about his image and his fashion choices, but he’s still a driver at the end of the day. The magazine, along with his team, points out that Formula One is having a major moment and that people are tuning in more than ever. Part of that seems due to drivers like him. After some back and forth with his team, they iron out all the details. It’s a much shorter turn around than normal because someone else fell through. Yet, they’re taking it as a sign since several people wanted a driver for the October cover anyway. The team also wants the exposure and with such a long break in August, they know they can fit a shoot into the schedule. While Soonyoung knows that he has control over his life, he also knows that his team is going to find a way to convince him regardless. So, he just goes along. 

When he shows up at the location, the people at Vogue also become some of the first to see his new hair since he’s been staying out of the spotlight. He worries, for a second, before they start fawning over his hair and him. The shoot itself is easier than he expects it to be, even if they have him in clothing he would not normally wear. Like a cropped sweatshirt or leather pants or sleeveless graphic tees. He’s a little surprised that it doesn’t make him more uncomfortable to show off some skin in that way. The photographers and the editors are all great, though. And he stays in great shape because driving is demanding. It’s not like it’s the first photoshoot. Far from it. It’s just a little different feeling like fashion is the focus.

Then comes the next race and it’s back to the normal schedule. Racing, meetings, media. There’s something to appreciate about a routine. It helps keep his brain occupied with something that he knows he’s good at. You still slip in periodically, especially when he sees you at a track, but he finds it easier to just ignore you entirely. At least once, it seems like you might say something when you’re walking by each other. You don’t, though, and Soonyoung doesn’t try to press anything. Reasons away that you could say something if you want because he doesn’t bother blocking you.

About a week before the new issue of Vogue is due to come out, Soonyoung sees the photos sent over to use for promotion. It’s also when he finds out that his manager and a few others from the team have seen two previous versions of photographs. Vogue had sent over the raw images right after the shoot, even though Soonyoung’s manager, Rachel, had also been present. Then, they got to see the final pictures for any vetoes before going to layout. With such a quick turnaround, the team hadn’t wanted to bother him. He also agrees that they know best when it comes to his own personal brand. 

Even though he’s not always one for using his socials, he knows that it’s part of the deal for him to make at least one post and one story ahead of the magazine release. Before seeing the photos, he wondered a bit how awkward it would be. Now, he thinks that he might actually stretch it out for several posts. Somehow, despite feeling awkward at times while posing, he acknowledges that the pictures came out great. Call him vain or conceited, but he looks good. Really good. Like a natural. Briefly, he wonders if he should consider more of the photoshoot requests that he knows his team gets. Rachel gives him an even bigger head when she points out that he’s one of only 15 men to ever appear on the cover of American Vogue and one of an even smaller number to appear on the cover without a woman alongside him. 

He figures he’ll post the teaser video that Vogue sent over first as a little behind the scenes look. Vogue seems to follow his lead and post a different, longer video to their page, which he then shares to his story. Predictably, comments and messages roll in without moments of the drop. It further boosts his ego to scroll through them. Sure, there’s some calling him an attention whore (like it’s a bad thing) or just saying they couldn’t believe Vogue picked him. Most, though, express appreciation over the teases of his abs or the way his arms look. Some seem surprised to find that’s what drivers look like and promise to get into the sport. Others still want to know when the rest of the photos will drop. 

The attention washes over him and fills him up. Strokes his ego. Makes him realize that it’s kind of pointless for him to be hiding out from the public or dwelling on the undefined whatever it was with you. Plenty of people want his attention. Plenty of people seem only too happy to give him whatever he wants, if the comments are anything to go by. That’s only the public ones. A quick scan of his DMs shows even bolder claims. A few even make him blush and he likes to think he’s pretty experienced as it is. Of course, he knows he can generally have his pick of people. It’s just nice to have the reminder. 

And then, there’s the message that threatens to derail the forward progress from his initial post. 

Trouble: you’re on the next cover of american vogue?? Trouble: since when??

Of course you comment on him having a photoshoot after three months of silence. It makes sense, in a way, at least, because he knows that you love fashion. When he opens the conversation with you, he sees the previous conversation. The last thing being the video call. For a moment, he considers responding. That call puts a stop to it, though. What’s the point of answering you when it’s all just the same song and dance? The sex is good, sure. But, the complications and the drama that come with it…not so much. Sometimes the chase just isn’t worth it. A difficult concept for a racer to wrap his head around. 

The next day, he posts again. This time, he shows off some of his favorite pictures from the shoot. Again, he shares Vogue’s post to his story. The flurry of comments comes even faster this time while people can see the actual pictures instead of a video. Somehow, in the flurry of notifications, he catches you responding to his story with an emoji. Nothing else. Something that could easily be explained away. It’s irritating because it feels like a way for you to force him to respond to the texts without texting again.

And then, you do text him again. 

Trouble: i know you’re ignoring me and i get it. i’m not really sure why i’m reaching out either since you were kind of an ass.  Trouble: i think i’m done with taylor for real this time

He stares at his phone for longer than he should. Wonders if you’re watching like he has in the past. It’ll show you that he’s read the message. If you’re looking, it’ll even show that he types out a few different messages before deleting them. Sometimes, seeing that is even worse. He even considers just leaving you on read given everything. Can’t bring himself to do it, though.

Soonyoung: i don’t know what i’m supposed to say to that Trouble: you answered though Soonyoung: it seemed like you wanted my attention Trouble: i’m not sure why now Soonyoung: i’ll be getting into singapore for the race tomorrow Trouble: and? Soonyoung: you can come by my room to talk if you’re going to be there too

A pause. A reverse of a few moments ago. He watches as you type and then seem to delete several responses. The pause makes him wonder if he wants you to accept or to just leave it all alone. 

Trouble: yeah, i’ll be there

Soonyoung doesn’t tell anyone that he’s planning to see you on his first night in Singapore. Doesn’t really want to hear it. It’s his life and he knows that it’s a bad decision. He also doesn’t really want to deal with it if you decide not to show up. The last thing he said to you was which hotel he was in and what room. And that there would be a key at the special concierge desk. The only response comes in the form of a reaction emoji. For all Soonyoung knows, you may not show up. This may all be some ridiculous play. 

You show up like you say, though. Once you’re in his space again, it feels silly to have considered you wouldn’t show up. It does feel different yet again, though. After hearing from you, he went to look for articles about you and Taylor. There haven’t been any recently. Nothing to suggest that Taylor was caught out with some other woman in the middle of your relationship yet again. Nothing that hints at your motivation for saying it might really be over. It’s a break in the pattern. Maybe that’s what the two of you need. A reset on everything. 

“I seriously cannot stop looking at your Vogue photos,” is the first thing you say when you close the door and it actually makes him laugh. It’s so unserious. “Don’t laugh!”

“Come on,” he says, eyes crinkling. He can’t fully explain why it’s so funny. Can’t stop laughing either.

“What?” 

“You’ve seen me naked so many times. But, it’s those pictures that got you?” 

You roll your lips together. Look down and shake your head, yet you’re smiling. “That’s different. Seeing you all dressed up for a photoshoot. It’s hot. My jaw dropped.”

“Thanks,” he says, unable to fight the smug smile.

“And it’s gone straight to your head, of course,” you say. 

“I am glad you liked them. It wasn’t as awkward as I thought it might be,” he admits.

“You seem like a natural,” you admit and he smiles. 

“So, not to change the subject,” he says and watches the way the tension flows into your body. “But, uh, are we gonna talk about it?” 

You’re not really sure if you want to talk about it now that you’re with him. Actually, now that you’re here, you kind of want to take him to bed first and talk about anything later. It feels too hard to say everything that you want to. It also feels unfair that you would have to start the conversation. You’re not alone in getting into this mess with him. Neither one of you makes good choices where the other is concerned. 

“I actually have something that I want to show you, first,” you say evasively. It’s enough to pique his interest. Like you know it will be. 

“What’s that?” he asks.

“Come on,” you say and lead him towards the bedroom.

He doesn’t even hesitate to follow you. He knows he should. Knows that this is just more of the same where the two of you are entirely unhealthy. And then you strip down to show him new lingerie and he’s only a man. Completely entranced by you. Suddenly, it’s like he can’t remember the feel of you and needs to remind himself immediately. Dives in first and figures he can ask questions later.

Later does come, though. In the pleasant post-sex haze, it feels a little easier to talk. Like the tension washes away with the release of a good orgasm. Empowered by Soonyoung’s reaction to your ploy, it feels like you can actually start the conversation now. 

There isn’t anything specific driving your decision to walk away from Taylor for good. Nothing you can point to, at least. You asked to take another break after the last race and it came as a surprise to Taylor because it didn’t come in response to him messing something up again. You’ve just been doing a lot of thinking about relationships and what you might want. You might be younger than both Taylor and Soonyoung, but you don’t want to be stuck in this endless loop for the rest of your life. You don’t want the stress of not knowing where your boyfriend is when you’re not by his side. Don’t want to wake up every day wondering if there’s going to be another headline. Don’t want to keep fighting with your parents about your image. 

At the end of the day, you do still love Taylor. He’s the only serious relationship you’ve ever had. You’re just not sure if you like him anymore. You’re not sure if it should be so hard and so painful all the time. You’re also struggling with being vulnerable in front of Soonyoung, but you’re trying. All your life, you’ve been told that you have to wear a mask when you face the world. When you’re in the spotlight from a young age, it messes with your sense of reality. It messes with your sense of confidence. You admit it’s probably impacted your relationships even with your friends. 

There’s an aspect of your relationship with Soonyoung that also feels impacted by it. Given how it’s gone, it’s hard for you to know what’s real and what’s not. You know that it’s on you as well. It’s not like running back to the same person, a person who works in the same industry as her boyfriend and knows him, every time you’re upset is a good look either. But, you feel this draw to Soonyoung. Feels like you can actually be yourself in the moments tucked away with him. 

Whatever he’s expecting, it’s not this. Not this level of openness or feeling. It kind of flows from the last chats that you and him had, though. It also leaves it more open for him to share how he’s feeling. Something that he struggles with. Even now, with you sitting before him in one of his t-shirts, he’s not really sure he can explain how he feels. But, he reminds himself that he asked you to come and he can at least try to put things into words.

Of course he feels something for you, though he’s not really sure how to define the feeling. What he can do is let you into some of his thought process. Can acknowledge that he drops what he’s doing when you reach out to see him. That there’s been several times when he’s been with someone else and had them leave to see you. It’s clear that’s not the best thing for you to hear from the look on your face. It’s at least honest. You can admit that maybe it says things he can’t put into words to know that he keeps that space for you in his life. Even though it is more than sex, he wants you to know that he also explores in a different way than anyone else. 

Harder still, he pushes himself to tell you that there is still hesitation in opening up to you. It’s hard to fully believe that you’re done with Taylor for good this time. Harder still to set his ego aside when it comes to all the times he feels like he loses to his rival where you’re concerned. You want to point out that it isn’t a competition. That you’re not something to be won. It doesn’t feel like the right time, though. Doesn’t feel like it will help move the two of you forward. 

And then it comes around to the hardest part of the conversation. There’s a lot that you seem a little unsure about, but he remembers the last conversation. Remembers you wanting to be able to have a relationship in public as well as in private. When you agree that it’s still what you want, it makes Soonyoung pause. It’s difficult to see how that looks for the two of you when you’ve been linked to Taylor Williams for years. Even if it’s been rocky for most of that time, it’s still been in the public eye. If your parents are concerned about your current image, what would they think about hopping from one driver to the next? 

“That’s not what’s happening,” you insist, a little hurt.

“I know that and you know that, but we can’t exactly tell the world that,” he says. “And I also have my team to think about. I don’t want to have a whole shitstorm blowing back on them.” 

“Dating me would be a shitstorm, huh?” you ask, that protective wall building back up. Like you’re questioning if you can trust Soonyoung after all. 

“Don’t twist my words,” he says, irritation seeping into each word. “I like you and I think it’s clear that I do. I just think there’s two things here that can’t exist at the same time.” 

“Which are?” you challenge.

“You wanting your relationships to be public and me wanting to protect my image as well as my team’s,” he says. 

You want to take it personally because it feels personal. It feels almost like another rejection. It isn’t, though. Soonyoung admits that he likes you and that’s a step. A small one, maybe, but a step. It also could give you the space to figure out what you actually want. Which isn’t exactly the worst idea in the world.

“What are you suggesting, then?” you ask, keeping your guard partially up.

“That you figure out if this is really something you want and if it is, you break it off with Taylor for real. I don’t want to be a default choice or somehow a safer choice because I’m always here. If you’re done with him for real, then we can figure out what this looks like with us in a way where we both get what we want,” he says and waits for your reaction. 

It’s a fair point, isn’t it? It’s not like this only impacts you. The rational part of you also realizes the way it looks and that Soonyoung’s concern for his team is valid. Doesn’t make it any easier on your ego to feel like he still doesn’t want you in public, though. 

“I guess that’s fair.”

Things feel genuinely calm with you for the first time in…probably ever, if Soonyoung is honest. The two of you spend more time talking, when you can. Both of you have busy schedules. There’s a little bit of hesitancy on Soonyoung’s part, because it’s not the first time he’s thought it was settled only to find out it’s not. But, he’s trying not to overthink anything. It isn’t like after his birthday. You don’t leave messages unanswered. You tell him about the things that you have going on.

It’s easy. There isn’t pressure. 

The only nagging thing is that he doesn’t see anything come out about your relationship with Taylor one way or another. Not that he expects some big announcement. It just seems like if you’re putting effort into conversations with him, then it means that you’re sure about ending things. Maybe he should just ask you about it. After all, if there’s going to be any sort of next step for him with you, then you first need to sever ties with the other driver. There can’t be any sort of messy, public overlap. He may not know much about relationships, but he definitely knows about keeping his team as clean as possible. It’s been drilled into his head enough times to stick. 

Overall, though, things feel positive. He actually keeps posting on his socials because the attention is a welcome little boost. Agrees that his team can set up more photoshoots, ideally during that down after this season ends and before the next one begins. There are also some new brands that might want to work with the team and they’re going to vet out the best options. It feels nice to be able to share some of those things with you because you understand. Not only have you been around racing for a long time, since before you began dating Taylor. You also understand brand deals and photoshoots. 

Of course, nothing seems to stay calm forever. Only two people on the team know about his potentially developing relationship with you. The same two that already know about your existence in Soonyoung’s life. Jihoon and his manager, Rachel. Beyond that, it’s need-to-know and nobody needs to know. Not yet, at least. Maybe not ever, actually, given the news Jihoon shares. 

Without warning, Jihoon lets himself into Soonyoung’s hotel room. Soonyoung is about to protest when he catches the look on his friend’s face. 

“What’s up?” he asks and glances down at the phone in Jihoon’s hand. “Don’t tell me there’s an issue with the car.” 

“Not the car, no,” Jihoon says, face unreadable. Like he’s trying for something he can’t quite achieve. 

“What is it?” Soonyoung presses. As an answer, Jihoon just hands over his phone. 

It seems odd until he sees the picture there. You and Taylor. A picture he posted to his Instagram with a caption about how glad he is that you came back to him after being on a long break. His stomach drops for a second before he just shakes his head. Lets out a dry chuckle. Of fucking course. 

“Not the reaction I expected,” Jihoon admits. 

“What am I supposed to do except laugh?” he asks. 

“Look, I’m not really the feelings friend, but…”

Soonyoung waves his friend off. “It’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t need all the bullshit and the drama anymore.” 

Jihoon shrugs. “If you say so.”

“I’ve been doing fine without relationships all this time. I’ll be fine now,” he says, though he isn’t really convincing anyone.

“Come on. We can get something to eat before the next meeting,” Jihoon says to change the conversation.

“Yeah, just a second,” Soonyoung says and looks back at his phone. He pulls up your conversation.

Soonyoung: enjoy whatever bullshit you’ve got going on Soonyoung: don’t call me this time when shit hits the fan Soonyoung: i’m done

He goes into the settings and mutes the conversation. Doesn’t block you because he can’t bring himself to do it. But, he doesn’t want to see your name on his phone either. Then, he locks his phone and gathers his things to follow Jihoon out of the room. 

The day drags on and Soonyoung is only half listening. He can do all the pre-race shit in his sleep. It makes it a little easier since his brain is elsewhere this time. Whenever he needs to listen, Jihoon nudges him or covers for him. That’s not often, though. Really, he’s just proud that he makes it through the day without checking for messages from you. Doesn’t know what’s worse. If he checks and there’s something there or if he checks and there’s nothing. Even though he asks you to leave him alone, part of him thinks the latter is worse. It shows you don’t really care. Maybe you’re not the only one who seems a little drawn to the toxic kind of love. 

Soonyoung opens a hard seltzer sitting on the balcony of his room staring out over the city. Considers going out for a moment and just picking up some random stranger. Wonders if it would feel better. Instead, he settles for snapping a picture of the skyline and putting it on Instagram. Some stupid caption about getting ready for the race ahead. It’s something to just distract him a little because he knows that it’ll rack up the likes without him even being in the picture. Same for the comments. People want to know where he is, what he’s up to, if the picture is current. 

Normally, he doesn’t watch the interactions rise. Tonight, he feels like he needs the validation that there are more people in his world than just you. It’s because he is watching that he sees a like from a familiar name. Then a comment about having a similar view. Soonyoung does a double take because he’s sure he knows the name. Confirms it when he clicks on the profile. Genevieve. A very close friend of yours. One he remembers seeing out on his birthday. She must know about the ups and downs, yet she’s here leaving comments and likes. 

It’s the worst idea in the world. Worse, by far, than going out to the bars to try and pick someone up. But, he’s not really in the business of making great decisions even in the best of times. This isn’t exactly the best of times. So, he opens up a message with her and sends something asking if she’s in town this early for the race. Her response is nearly immediate saying she must be staying in the same hotel. Sends her own picture to compare. And then he makes another questionable decision by saying which hotel he’s in. Genevieve confirms they’re in the same one. She admits she actually had something else to take care of that has her in town like this. She doesn’t follow the races around like you.

That feels like even more dangerous territory. He considers it for a full few seconds, at least. Then he sends his room number and asks if she wants to come up. She doesn’t ask anything else, just says to give her 10 minutes and she’ll be up. 

He answers the door when she knocks, unafraid of being seen inviting her inside. Why should he be? She’s single. Completely unattached. Uncomplicated to the rest of the world, though very complicated for him. That’s an issue he can deal with later. She’s just as pretty as he remembers and looks like she’s ready to make him forget his own name.

“I’m surprised you came,” he says once she’s inside.

“I’m surprised you invited me,” she admits with a knowing look. “Though, you’ve clearly been online today.” 

“I have.” 

“Nothing else?” 

It’s unclear what game she’s playing and he looks at her for a moment before deciding to answer. “I’m pretty sure you know my situation.” 

“For whatever it’s worth, I also found out when he posted the picture of them,” she says and rolls her eyes. “I figured it would be you.” 

“And yet, you’re still here,” he points out.

Genevieve considers him for a moment. “You’re hot and if it’s only tonight, well…it’s only tonight. It doesn’t always have to be complicated, though.” 

“No, it doesn’t,” he agrees.

“So how about we make tonight uncomplicated?”

“Let’s go,” he says and pulls her with him to the bedroom. 

Somewhere in an entirely different city, you’re trying to come to terms with the messages from Soonyoung. Trying to wrap your head around if he’s really done. Of course, he’s never said anything like that before. Never been so final. He’s also never left a message from you unread and unanswered. You figure it must mean something that it still goes through, even though you sent it several hours after his. But, still. He doesn’t answer. Doesn’t even read it. 

It seems unfair. Unreasonable. Even if a small voice, which gets louder by the minute, acknowledges he has a point. You didn’t say that you were going to break it off with Taylor, not in so many words. But, the implication had definitely been there. You know it’s fair of him to be mad after seeing the post from Taylor, too. You won’t admit that to him or anyone else, though. 

Soonyoung is exciting and different and probably more what you need. Unlike Taylor, he doesn’t commit to someone only to break that trust. He doesn’t promise to be faithful when he knows that he can’t. He doesn’t let himself get photographed with someone else when he’s in a relationship. Not that you know of him being in a relationship any time recently. Which may be an issue. There’s nothing to say he would treat you the same way Taylor does, as an accessory. Then again, there’s nothing to say he wouldn’t when there aren’t exes of his to compare. Despite all of that, you go back to Taylor because somehow it just feels easier. You don’t have to wait things out or exist in private while the dust settles. 

The decision is made, whether you wanted it to be final or not. As day turns to night, you know that he’s not going to answer you. Possibly for the first time since you started all of this. Then, you see him post something on his Instagram and it feels like the final nail. Feels like he’s underlining the point that you made your bed and now you have to lie in it. 

And then your heart sinks. You see a comment under his post from a friend of yours. One of the friends that knows your whole complicated history with Soonyoung. See that she’s under his picture saying she’s in Mexico City as well. You can’t even recall her saying that she was going to the race. Or that she had some reason to be there early like this. As you’re wondering if you should message her, you go to look at the comments again. Only to find that it’s not there. Sure, there are a lot of comments to scroll through. Still, it’s painfully obvious that her comment is gone. 

Your heart sinks. It immediately goes to the worst place. Which isn’t fair at all. You can’t claim someone that you cast aside. Still, she wouldn’t. Would she?

You: hey can we talk really quick? You: kinda need a friend

Five minutes go by. Then ten. Then twenty. You realize that you’re not going to get an answer from her and you can guess why.

The Las Vegas Grand Prix is Soonyoung’s favorite race every year. There’s just something about the track and the city that pulls him in. The draw to the city is obvious. It never seems to sleep and there’s always something to get into. For someone like Soonyoung, it can feel a bit like a playground. Not that he’s the only racer to feel this way. Many of them come in early so that they can party. It’s why so many of them circle this race on their calendars. Sometimes they go out alone, sometimes it’s with the team, sometimes it’s with friends. It’s always an event in any case.

Really, though, the bigger draw, at least for Soonyoung, is the track itself. It’s one of the only night races during the season. Pair that with the track having a long straightaway past the infamous Las Vegas strip and it makes it feel a little different. A little more exciting. The track has some high speed sections, but then pairs that with some tight corners. It’s the race he looks for on the calendar every year. 

This year isn’t any different. At least to start. Soonyoung gets into the city earlier than necessary, strictly speaking, so that he can appreciate some of what it offers. He’ll be able to work with a trainer to make sure he’s staying in shape and run his simulations. He’ll also be able to enjoy some of the nightlife and the shows. It’s the only balance he’s willing to accept and his team knows as much this far into his career. They need to let him blow off steam in order to race his best. It’s a small compromise in the grand scheme of things. Or a little bigger of a compromise this year because he needs an extra day or two than normal. He’s got a lot of steam to blow off. 

Unfortunately, that’s when the differences start. It’s an open secret that Soonyoung goes to Las Vegas early. Sometimes even earlier than other racers, like this year. It’s something he’s done for at least half his career now. Usually, he just shows up in silence. People will see him and sometimes even post about it. He doesn’t typically post for himself, though. Until this time. Until he sees you vaguely posting emo things on your socials. Like you’re upset about something Taylor did. Again. Which seems especially insane given that you were going to walk away. Were going to be done because you wanted to figure out what, if anything, could exist with Soonyoung. So, to see you go back to him only to end up in this position does give him a small amount of pleasure. It’s petty, sure. Still feels like karma for letting him find out over an Instagram post that you weren’t actually done with that asshole you call a boyfriend.

It still does something to his ego, though. Not that he wants to admit he still wants you in that way. He can, however, admit that he wants to try to remind you that it doesn’t have to be complicated. Soonyoung can post about the places he’s going to visit. Can post thirst traps taken in his hotel bedroom. The fans all seem to appreciate the way he posts on his socials now. The thirst traps may be a little out of the ordinary, but nobody is complaining. The only person who has anything remotely negative to say is Jihoon, who seems to see the posts for what they are. All he does is warn his best friend to be careful. He’s already playing with fire when it comes to you on the best day. This is worse. 

Yet, it doesn’t seem to get your attention. Until it does.

On his last night of freedom before he has to lock in for race activities, he goes out to one of the clubs. It’s a different one than normal, one he actually hasn’t been to before. But, a very attractive promoter promises him VIP entry and he’s only a man. Who is he to ignore a pretty smile from someone offering him perks that he knows he could get regardless. She even promises to come find him while he’s there. Something he knows he should turn down, except…well, he’s locking in tomorrow. So, he heads in and lets himself enjoy the night. Actually hits the dance floor and lets loose a little bit. Doesn’t post anything on socials because it hasn’t gotten the attention he expects. That doesn’t seem to stop others from posting about seeing him out and mingling.

Then, something shifts. Like he has another sense. He can tell something is different before he even looks around. When he does, though, his heart skips a beat. There you are, standing at the closest bar and glancing over at him. You look irritated, which doesn’t make any sense. What could you possibly have to be irritated about standing in a bar in Las Vegas by yourself? 

Your eyes meet his and he knows that somehow he’s pissed you off. You indicate a quieter area with your head and he nods before he can think better of it. Might as well follow you. It’s not like he can pretend it’s going to go any other way. 

It seems a little insane, though. You being mad. You had him and went back to Taylor anyway. Agreed to take time to figure things out, then went back to old habits. What do you have to be mad about now? You made your choice and he’s still the one living with it. 

You duck into a small VIP room without anyone stopping you. Not that anyone would since you’re incredibly recognizable. For all he knows, you may have paid for a VIP space. The room is small and Soonyoung doesn’t bother closing the door behind him. It’s not like anyone is going to bother them back here. 

As soon as you round on him, he knows you’re more than just a little irritated. “What the fuck, Soon?” 

“What?” he asks, taken aback. 

“What is with all the thirst posting and the activity on socials?” 

Of course that’s what this is about. “Seriously? You tracked me down just to talk about my posting habits?” 

You cross your arms, fire blazing in your eyes. “Don’t act all innocent. You’re trying to bait me.”

“Seems like a stretch.”

“Really? You never post when you show up here early and then suddenly, hours after my post, one of yours shows up. And then it kept going like that every time I posted.”

“I was just trying to enjoy my time here.”

“I could maybe get that, maybe,” you say with a venomous look, “if not for those thirst traps. Like what the actual fuck?”

Soonyoung smirks and a lesser man might wither under your stare. “So you’re saying you enjoyed them.”

“Jesus fucking christ, Soonyoung, I am not here to debate whether or not you’re hot when we both know that you are.” 

“So you think I’m hot.”

“Fuck all the way off, actually.”

“We can arrange that.” 

You take a steadying breath. Seem like you might be counting to three. “Of course you’re hot. You know that. I know that. Everyone in the world seems to know that. This isn’t about that, though.” 

“What is it about, then?” 

“You’re trying to fuck with my relationship,” you finally accuse and he shakes his head. 

“I don’t think you need my help with that.”

“Funny.”

He closes his eyes and swallows. Counts to three. You really are something else. The nerve on you to come in here. “You have no fucking right to be mad about anything I’m doing.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes,” Soonyoung answers venomously.

“And why’s that?”

“Last time I checked you were the one who decided this,” he says, indicating the two of you, “wasn’t worth your time. And last time I checked you were the one who didn’t even have the decency to message me first before I saw something on Taylor’s fucking Instagram.”

“I didn’t promise you that I would leave him. And you said you were fine, just done when you saw it. Then you go off and fuck my friend because your ego is bruised…”

“I don’t know what…”

“I know you fucked Genevieve. I figured as much the night it happened because, well…that’s not important. I asked her and she told me.”

“We weren’t together. Aren’t together. I didn’t owe it to you to not…”

“Sleep with my friend?”

“Bit of a double standard.”

“Now you’re out here trying to fuck with my relationship…”

His lips roll together and he takes another breath. It might be a private room, but somewhere in his brain registers that he probably should not be having this fight with you even partially in public. 

“Honestly, I don’t see how me posting some pictures is fucking with your relationship. Did I want your attention? Sure. And did I think you owed me an explanation and an apology? Yes. But, you’ve been with Taylor for literal years of breaking up and making up. If me posting a few pictures while you seem like you’re struggling is enough to cause issues, then it really might not be my fault,” he says and watches as the tension finally starts to release. Just for a moment before he opens his mouth again. “You and Taylor are toxic as fuck.” 

All the tension snaps back into place. You’re on the defensive again. “And what are we?” 

Soonyoung shrugs. “Probably fucked up, too. But, I gave you an out...” 

“Where we hid!” 

“Where we figured our shit out,” he corrects. “I’m not the one you’re mad at. I’m not the one in a relationship with you still fucking other women on the side.”

“No, you’re just fucking me in and out of my relationship,” you say. 

“Like I said,” he says with a dry chuckle, “we’re probably fucked up too.” 

“Your posting just made me feel like it was to try and get my attention.”

“It was.” 

“At least you admit it.”

“Yeah well, I was mad at you and it felt especially fucking pointless that you went back when you’re clearly upset again.”

“You think you know me.” 

“Did it work?” he asks and you raise your eyebrows. “The posting, did it work?”

You smile despite yourself. Look away so that you can hide at least some of the smile. Soonyoung takes it as a sign and closes the space between you. When you look up into his eyes, you’re somehow guarded and vulnerable at the same time. Like your fight or flight response is trying to decide which to engage. He pulls you against him by the arm and kisses you. Softly at first. Testing the waters. At least until you wrap your arms around him and deepen the kiss. Desperately looking to feel something. Looking to explore the relationship you’re trying so desperately to keep at arm’s length.

As soon as you moaned into his mouth, you should have known that it was over. Isn’t this exactly why you came out to Las Vegas early and went to the trouble of finding him? Isn’t this exactly what you wanted to happen? Maybe there’s a reason he keeps you in his phone as Trouble, after all.

“My hotel room,” he says and peppers kisses down your neck. “I’ll send you the location.”

“And if I don’t show up?”

“You will.”

The next morning comes entirely too early. You’re draped across Soonyoung’s body when something starts to pierce the quiet sanctuary of his hotel room. First comes the incessant ringing of his phone. It’s been vibrating for a while without him paying it any mind. The ringing is a little harder to ignore. You groan and nestle deeper into the bed. Just as he’s considering if he’s going to ignore it, there’s a persistent knocking at the door. Whoever it is obviously wants his attention immediately. The clock next to the bed says that it’s barely past 6 in the morning. It’s entirely too much on a day that’s only supposed to be the start of media availability as the rest of the drivers arrive in the city. The ones who don’t come in early to party. The actual driver requirements are minimal. 

“What the fuck?” you groan, still mostly asleep.

It must be something, though. So, Soonyoung figures he’ll deal with problems in the order of immediacy. He pulls on a pair of briefs and a t-shirt from next to the bed to head in the direction of the door. He’s almost there when he hears the click and the door opens. Jihoon is on the other side with his manager, Rachel, right behind him. While Jihoon looks a little annoyed, Rachel looks apoplectic with rage. 

“Uh, good morning?” Soonyoung asks, rubbing his eyes. 

“Are you alone?” Rachel asks. 

Soonyoung at least has the decency to look a little sheepish. Glances over his shoulder into the bedroom that he knows neither of the other two can see into. “No.” 

Rachel pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs heavily. Beside her, Jihoon looks half sleepy and half annoyed. Nothing in Soonyoung’s brain is able to reason away the two of them being here so early in the morning. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like it’ll take long to find out. His manager calls out your name and Soonyoung’s eyes go a little wide. How had she known that you were in the bedroom?

“Can you please put some clothes on and come out here?” Rachel asks.

“Uh,” you say, incredibly unsure but more awake than Soonyoung feels. “Yeah, sure.”

While they’re waiting for you, Rachel leads the way to the couch and indicates that Soonyoung should sit. She, however, stays standing. After a moment, Jihoon plops down into one of the armchairs. There’s a rustling of drawers in the bedroom and then you come out wearing one of Soonyoung’s shirts and a pair of his sweatpants, probably rolled over several times at the waist. You take in both his manager and Jihoon, both of whom know about the relationship. It seems to take at least a little of your edge off as you sit down next to Soonyoung. He can’t really stop himself from reaching out and squeezing your thigh lightly.

“Can either of you explain this?” Rachel asks and hands over a tablet Soonyoung had not even noticed. 

You’re first to reach out and accept it, holding it so that both you and him can look at it. There’s a big headline on a popular gossip website: ULTIMATE BETRAYAL - NEW DRAMA IN THE KWON-WILLIAMS SAGA. Underneath, there’s a grainy picture, that seems a little too zoomed in, of you and Soonyoung kissing that must have been taken through a doorway. Likely through the door that he didn’t bother to close the night before. Underneath, there’s an article that you’re already scanning. 

It seems like there might be yet another reason for the heated rivalry between McLaren’s Kwon Soonyoung and Ferrari’s Taylor Williams. It’s no secret that Williams and his socialite girlfriend make the headlines frequently. But, until now, it always seems like it’s because Williams is stepping out with someone else. The relationship always seems to weather the storm after a few days or weeks with the couple posting a new picture to their socials. Plenty of friends speak anonymously about the relationship. Now, though, it seems like there’s another wrinkle entirely. A source, who requested not to have their name printed, snapped the above photo of Williams’ girlfriend tucked away in a private room with none other than Kwon Soonyoung. For any that aren’t following F1, Kwon and Williams have a long standing rivalry on the grid, with the former usually seeming to come out on top. It seems like the long-time bachelor may have been coming in first in more ways than one for much longer than anyone realized. We can reveal, through our source, that the two were first seen arguing in a private room of a popular Las Vegas club before the kiss in the photograph above. The source overheard them suggesting that this affair may be a long standing thing. The source indicated the pair definitely seemed like they knew each other well. Social posts show that Kwon has been in the area for the last few days, seemingly enjoying parties and shows. Meanwhile, Williams has been silent. A separate inside source revealed that he was not even in town yet at the time of the picture. Most racers are scheduled to arrive today to start activities ahead of the race this weekend. As of the time of posting, none of the parties had responded to a request for comment. One thing is for sure, though, this race is sure to have a little extra drama now. 

By the time Soonyoung gets to the bottom of the article, it’s clear you’re already finished. Your face is a little white and you look a little sick. It probably doesn’t have anything to do with drinking the night before or the early hour. Silently, you hold the tablet out to his manager and then lean back into the couch when she takes it. You cover your face with your hands and sigh. 

“Well?” Rachel prompts again.

“I can’t believe anyone saw us,” you say softly. The quiet of your voice is devastating. It’s so timid. So unsure. Like you’re one step away from crying. 

“I should’ve closed the door,” Soonyoung realizes. 

“You shouldn’t have been interacting like that in public at all!” Rachel says firmly. 

“How many people have seen this?” you ask and Rachel sighs.

“A lot. I haven’t been able to get them to pull it. I even offered an exclusive interview with Soonyoung, but no dice,” she says. 

“Where are your phones? I was trying to get a hold of both of you,” Jihoon says, speaking for the first time. 

Soonyoung nods towards the bedroom. “I heard mine, but I…”

“Didn’t answer, we know,” Rachel says, marching off in the direction of the bedroom. She returns with both Soonyoung’s phone and yours. Tosses them to each of you. 

You immediately unlock your phone and Soonyoung watches your face fall all over again as you start to scroll. He can’t see who the messages are from, but assumes that it’s bad. That’s not even considering what Taylor is going to say. Or what he’s already said, possibly. It seems like it’s too much and you throw your phone onto the cushion next to you. “This is a fucking nightmare.”

“Rachel, I’m really sorry…” Soonyoung starts, only to fall silent when she puts her hand up. 

“You told me that this was over,” she says, the accusation heavy in the air. “You said that she got back together with Taylor Williams and you were done.” 

Your eyes meet his and you look smaller. Yet, he can’t feel bad. Not over this. You have to know, even if you and him haven’t talked about it yet. He breaks the eye contact to look back at his manager. “It was. I…I’m sorry.” 

“It’s my fault,” you say after a moment. “I owed him a conversation that I was too scared to have and then I tracked him down out here because I thought he was trying to bait me with his posts.”

“He was,” Jihoon says under his breath.

“Thanks, man,” Soonyoung says, even though he’s already admitted as much to you. 

Rachel immediately goes into fix-it mode. Cuts off the bickering with another wave of her hand. Directs her first comment to you. “I need your manager’s number. We can coordinate how to tackle this. First, I’m going to need to ask you some questions.”

“Whatever you need,” you answer, surprisingly helpful. Or maybe it’s not surprising. It’s the first scandal that Soonyoung remembers with you at the center instead of your boyfriend, yet hardly your first time dealing with the media. Arguably, he may have more at stake.

“What’s the current status of your relationship?” Rachel asks, again directing it to you.

“On a break as of a few days ago,” you say after a moment. Soonyoung’s gaze whips to the side to look at you. Leave it to you to leave that out. 

“Would he confirm that?” Rachel asks and you sigh.

“I don’t know, with this story out. My manager can send you the messages, though, if you need them for any reason,” you say.

“What else happened at the club?” 

This time, Soonyoung answers. “Nothing beyond the kiss.”

“And the fight?” Jihoon prompts, but Rachel waves it off. 

“We’ll get there,” she says. “Just a kiss? Did you leave together?”

“No,” both you and Soonyoung say. Look at each other to decide who should carry on.

“I asked her to meet me back at my hotel room and said that I’d send her the location. I left the room immediately after that and exited the club after smiling for a few pictures with fans.”

“And I went back to the bar. Interacted with a few people and I took down the information from some girl that wanted me to look at a business proposal.”

“At a club?” Jihoon asked, confused. You only shrug.

“I get contacts all over, really,” you say.

“Okay,” Rachel says with a nod. “You didn’t leave at the same time. Or even close enough to really draw a conclusion, that’s good.” 

“People still saw…” you start.

“I know, but we can work with that,” Rachel says, cutting over you. “What about this fight?” 

The two of you look at each other again. Both of you seem to realize that you have to recap as much of the conversation that you can remember, though. It’s the only way to find a way forward. Together, you recall as much as you can because you’re not sure what the eavesdropper may have heard. Rachel grimaces at the end. 

“You said that you two were fucking in and out of your relationship?” Rachel questions you and you only nod. “We’ll hope they didn’t hear that part.”

“It seems like they might’ve, given the article,” you say, voice small again. 

“Said she could have left?” Rachel asks, directing this to Soonyoung who nods. 

“Right before the fucking…” he adds and falls silent at the look on Rachel’s face. 

Everyone takes a beat while she rubs her face in contemplation.. “Okay. Give me your manager’s contact info, I’m sure they’ve tried to contact you…”

“She has.” 

“And do not speak to anyone about this. I’m going to try and get a statement out within the next hour.” 

“Thank you,” Soonyoung says, injecting every ounce of sincerity he can muster. Finally, Rachel’s face softens. It’s not like he usually creates many issues for her to solve. 

“Stay out of trouble,” she says, but with a smile this time.

“Should I leave?” you ask, looking around at everyone in the room. Rachel looks over at Soonyoung before her eyes return to you.

“That’s really up to you two. I’m not worried about someone seeing you leaving from here because there are a million reasons for you to be at this hotel,” Rachel says after a moment.

“Okay,” is your only response.

“What do you need from me?” Jihoon asks as Rachel turns to leave. 

“I didn’t know how he would take it, but he seems calm,” Rachel says with a sympathetic look. “So, I guess I just needed to get into the room.” 

“I’m gonna go get more sleep, then,” he says and calls a goodbye as he follows Rachel out of the room. 

“Well,” Soonyoung starts and you only groan.

“I guess it was only a matter of time.”

“For what it’s worth, I am sorry.” 

That makes you look over at him and tilt your head. “For what?” 

“The posting? The fight last night? I don’t know, all of it.” 

That pulls a laugh from you. “Pretty sure I’m the one who should be saying sorry.” 

“I wasn’t going to mention it…”

“I’m sorry,” you say and frown. “I think I owe you a proper conversation for everything that happened. But, for now, I’m just gonna say sorry for dragging you into this. You don’t deserve it.” 

“True, but still. I was being an asshole trying to get your attention.” 

“I didn’t have to fall for it.” 

Soonyoung takes a moment to let that sink in. Knows that you probably do shoulder more of the blame for this with everything that’s gone on. Knows that he’s not innocent either. He didn’t have to shut down and shut you out when you got back together with Taylor. And he definitely didn’t have to go sleep with a friend of yours. He’s trying to process the long history of mistakes since the first time you called him when Taylor did something wrong. Though, admittedly, you did push the both of you over the edge this time.

There’s still a gaping hole on the next step for him. This is a big mess and he’s got a race coming up. The last thing he wants is for this to blow back onto his team. His issues are his own. Or, his and yours at the moment. The rest of his team doesn’t deserve to take any heat for this. That doesn’t even acknowledge what any of the sponsors might say. He’s a partier, which they all know, so it may not be awful. But, you’re not single. Sometimes, you’re unattached when you drop into his life. Not always. A fact that he’s hoping stays hidden despite all this. Maybe, if that can stay hidden, he can ride out the storm without any hits to his career and his team. That’s not considering what you might deal with, though. 

Then, there’s the bigger issue of what you and him do next. You’re right. There are a lot of conversations that you and him need to have. There needs to be more openness than there’s been in the past. And only then can either of you decide if this is something you’re even interested in. He’s not sure he can answer that question for himself right now. It’s clear, at least to him, that he cares about you. Is it enough, though? Is it enough to overcome all the drama and the bullshit and the headache of it all?

You’re on your phone again when Soonyoung pulls himself out of his thoughts. This time, he can tell that you’re actually opening conversations and answering. There’s probably a lot for you to sort out. He wonders if he should say anything else to you apart from saying sorry. 

“Do you mind if…” you start and frown back at your phone. Shake your head and look over at him. “Is it okay if I just hide out here for a bit? I know you’ve got a million things, so…”

“It’s fine,” he says immediately. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a burden,” you say. He hates that you look so unsure, yet isn’t really sure what to do about it. You’re not his. Your problems aren’t necessarily his to solve, even when they involve him. You made sure of that when you got back with Taylor the last time.

“Yeah, we’re kind of in this together now, right?” Soonyoung says and notes the flicker of something on your face. Too fast for him to really register, though it looks a little like you’re hurt. “You can keep borrowing my clothes or have your manager drop by.”

“Thanks,” you say softly.

“We need to have a conversation,” he says and you nod with a frown on your face. “I’m gonna take a shower first, though, because I’m too awake now. There’s another bedroom if you need to make any calls or whatever.

“Yeah, there’s definitely a couple calls I should probably make.”

After Soonyoung showers and you make your calls, the two of you do figure that you should sit down. It all feels a little too familiar. Like you’ve had this conversation one too many times. Neither of you really wants to make the same promises as before, but neither can ignore it either. Every decision both of you make seems to lead you back to this place. This moment. This place with each other. 

You jump in first and confirm that you had asked for a break from Taylor before coming out to Las Vegas. Admit that you hadn’t even been sure you were going to come to the race at all given that. You’ve also already sent a message to Taylor that you need to talk to him and that maybe the break was the right thing for you. Beyond that, you’re not really sure what the future looks like for you. It feels a little up in the air. That doesn’t even acknowledge any conversation that you have to have with your parents.

For Soonyoung’s part, he is as honest as he can be. The draw to you is clear. You’re that habit he can’t seem to quit, regardless of what it means for anything else. But, he’s also about to go into race mode and he’s not sure that he can figure this all out now. He’s also not sure he can trust that it’s over with Taylor. Which isn’t what you want to hear, even if you understand it. 

All either of you can do for now is weather this storm and figure it all out after the race. 

The next few days leading up to the race kind of pass in a blur where Soonyoung isn’t able to figure anything out with you. Not for lack of wanting to, from either of you. It’s just pretty terrible timing all around and you’re both dealing with that as new things pop up.. Both taking a lot of heat in very different ways. 

Your statement hits first. An apology to anyone that you may have upset or disappointed in the process of your time in Las Vegas. An open, and partially fake, story about how you have been struggling with a lot of decisions in your life, including your relationship with Taylor Williams. A definitive statement that you and him have been on another break while you figure out some changes that you need to make. Of course, you prefer to keep your private life just that, but understand that isn’t always the case. Going forward, your statement says you’re committing to working on yourself. The only surprise is that Taylor comes out with a short statement just after that confirming that you and him had been on a break and he doesn’t hold anything against you going forward. The comment sections are far less kind. There’s a lot of judgment over your actions. A lot of name-calling. Just ugliness. 

Rachel has a statement out from Soonyoung shortly after that. From the team rather than from him directly. A difference he can appreciate about his life as a driver instead of a socialite. The statement notes that the team does not like to get involved in the private lives of drivers as long as he remains committed to racing. Which he continues to do without missing any scheduled events. The statement goes on to say that Soonyoung has known you for a long time due to your ties to Formula One. Someone witnessed a private moment, but it was nowhere near what the article wanted to make it out to be. Beyond that, McLaren wants to commit to upholding their excellence in racing and looks forward to another strong finish from their drivers at the coming race. 

Soonyoung’s comment sections are far kinder. There are those that speculate if you’re the real reason for the tension between him and Taylor Williams. Some also seem envious of you for your proximity to two different popular drivers. Most, however, just kind of accept the story. There are those that even go as far as calling out the article for posting the story in the first place. Everyone knows that Soonyoung is single and he likes to enjoy himself. There’s no need to blow something out of proportion as long as it doesn’t impact the race. 

Honestly, this is the problem with social media. Or maybe society as a whole. You’re getting called all sorts of names and judged while he mostly gets a pass. 

The press aren’t as willing to let bygones be bygones. Instead of asking about preparations for the race, they want to know about Soonyoung’s relationship to you. If it’s the only time anything’s happened. If he’s talked to Taylor about the whole thing. If he thinks it’s the right way to do any of it. From the videos, Taylor is getting his own set of questions. Soonyoung is prepared, though, thanks to Rachel. He just repeats that he’s not going to bring his personal life into the race and he’s not answering questions about you. Most seem to accept it after an attempt or two. Some are more persistent. For those that are more insistent, Soonyoung just says he’s single and he keeps his personal life separate. There’s a knowing look on some faces that he doesn’t love, but he’s made his bed. Not much else he can do. 

A few times, he considers reaching out to Taylor Williams. The rivalry during races is good for the sport. This isn’t really good for anyone. It’s also clear that he’s fielding the questions with a little more emotion. Although he also says he’s focusing ahead, it’s clear that he’s dwelling a bit on the whole mess. Clearer still when the two cross paths walking through the garages during practice laps or qualifying. Taylor isn’t ever friendly when they pass each other. Now he fully ignores Soonyoung. Another fact that the media seems to pick up on and run with. The headlines eat up the new layer to the rivalry. Soonyoung tries to just lock in.

It’s not fair and he knows it’s not, but with all of this going on, he doesn’t have time to really check if you’re okay. He sends a few messages. Knows that he shares blame for the situation. Knows that he’s not taking the same heat as you. It’s just going to be infinitely worse for both him and his team if he doesn’t perform well at this race. At his favorite track. At the one everyone expects him to show up for. That small voice in the back of his head also points out that this could have all been avoided if you hadn’t gotten back together with Taylor yet again. It didn’t have to be this. So, he focuses on the things he can and doesn’t see you for the race.

When he sees another driver knock his time off for the pole, he starts to worry a little that he’s not as dialed in as he should be. Then, another driver slides into the pole in the final qualifying of the day, knocking him back to third position. One above Taylor. It seems both like a sign of something bad to come and like the inevitable conclusion. The two of them have to walk out together during introductions. Have to line up next to each other. Have to be lumped together for the race as the third and fourth position. It’s when Soonyoung really does know he should say something. It’s the mature thing to do.

Which is why he doesn’t do it. Doesn’t even try to reach out to his rival. 

The night of the race arrives seemingly too quickly. Soonyoung feels a little nervous in a way that’s entirely foreign to him. At least at this point in his career. It’s the tenth time he’s run the actual race in Las Vegas. He can’t tell you how many times he’s run it with practice laps and qualifying. He knows this track. Loves it. Yet, he’s nervous about a lot of things. Some of his pre-checks don’t go the way he expects. Some of his superstitions fall flat. He finds it harder than usual to dial himself into the race the way he normally would. 

The crowd noise pierces his concentration during introductions more than it normally would. He can feel that he doesn’t seem as confident as any other race. Can even feel the urge to glance over at Taylor Williams. Soonyoung wants to know if his rival is taking notice. More than that, he wants to know if you’re there. And if you are, who are you there to see? Even though he knows that he could have asked, it seemed like the wrong thing to do. Now he kind of wishes he would have. It feels like yet another thing that’s up in the air. It makes him wonder if Taylor is having all the same doubts. When he finally chances a look to the side, Taylor seems inscrutable. Confident. Unbothered by any of it. 

Soonyoung doesn’t usually believe in signs, yet they’re a little hard to ignore during that race. He doesn’t like the tires that his team starts with even though he knows he signed off. They’re not letting him drive the way he wants to. He doesn’t like the way the car feels like it’s a little too tight even though it’s only an adjustment he wanted. He doesn’t like the way the lights reflect during the night race even though he normally loves that this is a night race. He doesn’t like the way the Las Vegas Strip feels distracting tonight. More than anything, he doesn’t like hearing Jihoon in his ear confirming that everything looks like Soonyoung is out of sorts. Confirming it’s not in his head. He’s not racing as well as he could be. 

Two of the drivers have a minor collision and Soonyoung takes advantage of the red flag by changing his tires. It’s not something he would normally do, but he’s not having a normal race. Once everything is back underway, he feels a lot better. Doesn’t feel like his car is tight. He has to actively shut down any noise that’s distracting him, but he knows he’s running a lot better. Something Jihoon confirms over the radio. Of course, they both know better than to guess at what’s really going on. Through some aggressive maneuvers, he even finds himself in the lead. A position he definitely didn’t expect with the way the race started.

And then it happens. He knows Taylor Williams is hot on his heels. Realizes that his rival absolutely has every reason to want this win. Yet, he doesn’t anticipate the move because it’s not the way Taylor normally drives. Not the way he normally tries to take over the lead. It’s so unexpected that Soonyoung nearly clips him when Taylor gets the inside edge on the turn. It causes him to go higher than he wants and that’s all it takes. Taylor slips into first position and Soonyoung is left scrambling with what to do.

Could he retake the first spot? Possibly. Probably, even. He still feels like he’s the better driver. Still feels like he can move in a way that Taylor can’t always. Yet he hadn’t expected the last move. Who knows what else his rival might have up his sleeve? 

And that’s when it hits him. He’s going to finish second. On his favorite track in one of his favorite cities on the grid, he’s going to finish second this time. And it’s going to be okay. It’s not going to ruin his chances at anything. It’s not going to hurt his team. He’s driven well all year. Won more races than any other season. This race is just going to be a second and while there might be something he could do to change that, he’s not going to do it. 

In the aftermath of the race, everything feels like a blur. Taylor Williams celebrating. Jihoon looking at him like he knows what really happened. Soonyoung’s team consoling him over the bad luck on that one turn. Catching your face in the crowd of people. Endless questions from reporters who want to turn the race into something about you even though neither he nor Taylor let them. Just a sea of lights and people and suffocating pressure. 

But, then there’s the unexpected. Taylor actually looks at him and manages to convey that he wants to talk. It’s the last thing Soonyoung wants to do. Not because he lost. For once, he’s not really that bothered about losing. No, because he thinks he knows what Taylor is going to say and he’s not sure he can handle hearing it. 

The two men find a way to meet privately without any media following them. Both double check and then laugh when they catch themselves. It’s an awkward laugh, yet it’s still a laugh. The first time they’ve laughed together in years. 

“I…” Soonyoung starts.

“Nah, let me go first,” Taylor cuts across and Soonyoung snaps his mouth shut. “I’m glad it’s finally all out in the open.”

“What?” Soonyoung’s not sure he heard correctly. 

“Come on. You think I didn’t know? All this time?” Taylor asks and shakes his head. “Why do you think I hated you so much?” 

“Because I win a lot?” Soonyoung guesses and Taylor shakes his head. “Because of the rivalry between McLaren and Ferrari?”

“Because I knew she always went running to you and I could never really work out why,” he supplies and Soonyoung frowns. 

“I’m not sure…” Soonyoung starts and stops. “I think that’s an insult?”

“No, I mean, I could never figure out why she couldn’t just drop you. I got why you always answered for her,” Taylor says and Soonyoung snorts.

“That makes one of us,” Soonyoung admits.

“I assumed it was to mess with my head.”

“No, it wasn’t. If I wanted to mess with your head, I would’ve made it more obvious that I’d been with her. I figured you didn’t know.” 

“Huh. Well, that’s not what I was expecting.” 

“I’m not sure any of this is what either of us was expecting.”

Both of them are quiet for a moment. Trying to figure out what to say next. Taylor seems to get there first. “I know I fucked up with her. I know we’re awful together. I think part of me liked knowing she came back to me even though she had whatever going on with you.” 

“That’s kinda fucked,” Soonyoung admits with a shake of his head. “But, I guess I’m not one to talk.”

“Not really,” Taylor agrees. “I meant what I said in the statement, though. Her and I talked and we figured it’s best to call it quits for real this time.” 

“I feel like I’ve heard that before,” Soonyoung says.

“Not from me, you haven’t,” he disagrees. Which is fair to point out. “Do whatever you want with it, but at least we can go back to having the rivalry just be about driving.”

“I can agree to that,” Soonyoung says with a laugh.

The door opens and both of them tense for a moment before realizing it’s only you. There’s obvious concern on your face glancing between the two men. It’s got to be a little odd, though. Soonyoung knows he’s uncomfortable. 

“I think I’ll let you two chat,” Taylor says and steps around you towards the door. “I have a win to celebrate, after all.”

“Yeah, yeah, fuck off,” Soonyoung says without any real heat as he watches Taylor through the door. Then it’s just you and him. Once again.

“Sorry that you didn’t win,” you say. It’s tentative. A little stilted.

“I think it’s a miracle I came in second, actually,” he admits and you laugh. 

“Distracted?” 

“A bit, yeah.” 

“By me?”

“By all of it.” 

You chew your bottom lip and look down at the floor beneath you. Weigh your words before you say the next ones to see how they feel coming out. “I’m really sorry, Soon. You didn’t want complicated and I did everything that I could to test that.”

He lets out a sigh, tension leaving his body. “I think it’s pretty fair to say we’re both to blame in all of this.” 

“Yeah, probably,” you agree. “I think you were a fucking moron on your birthday for how you said all that…”

“And you weren’t exactly innocent going back to Taylor after Singapore.”

“No. I was scared.”

You look up at him and for once, he doesn’t think he feels the walls between you. “Are you still scared?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.” 

You hesitate, just for a moment, then close the gap and step into Soonyoung’s body. Let his arms wrap around you like he can protect you from the world. Like you both haven’t hurt each other time and time again. 

“You realize how insane it sounds to say you’re scared of anything when you drive a car over 200 miles per hour, right?” you ask and he smiles. 

“This feels higher stakes,” he says. Honest. Open. Something different that might stick this time.

“So, what do we do now?” you ask. 

Soonyoung considers for a minute. Really, he’s been thinking about this since that stupid article hit and put both of your private lives on blast. Since before that, honestly. There’s really only one answer.

“Let me get through these last two races of the season and then we try to start over. For real,” he says and you give him an appraising look. “I mean it. No outside distractions. No being out in public for now. If we want to try to start over, then we have to figure out if we can build something without the drama.”

“I guess that’s fair,” you concede.

“Can you do it? Have a relationship without the fights and the bullshit and the headlines?” he asks and you wait a beat again.

“I like trying new things,” you shrug, yet there’s a playful smile on your face. “Let’s try.”

“Okay, let’s try.”

Predictable. If you had to use one word to describe your mornings, that would be it. In a job full of the unpredictable, you took solace in your morning routines that never strayed far from the beaten road. It was so predictable that Mingyu, Minghao and Seokmin could even tell what you were doing from the get go, no matter what time it was before you step into work.

5am - Wake Up and Get Ready 5:30am - Morning Run 6:30am - Home and Shower 7am - Breakfast & Smoothie Prep 7:30am - Leave for the Station 8am - Reach the Station 8:30am - Roll Call

Which is why at exactly 7am, you exit your bedroom, fresh as a daisy to find Minghao already at the stove, preparing breakfast and humming to himself as the smell of bacon fill your nose.

"Morning." He greets, not sparing a glance at you as he continues to move around the kitchen, with the bacon still sizzling on the pan. You make your way around the kitchen island, giving his arm a quick squeeze in greeting.

"Morning, Hao." You glance curiously into the bowl, wondering what he was mixing. A small grin appears on your lips as you realize what the mixture is. "Pancakes? Are we feeding a whole school here, big brother?"

Minghao rolls his eyes, letting out a soft scoff as he pushes you away from the bowl. "I figured, since it's rookie day that we will need the extra little bit of energy to keep us from loosing our minds today." He raises an eyebrow. "But if you don't want to eat it, I guess I could just pack the rest for Seokmin and Mingyu. Your eyes widen as you let out a flabbergasted gasp before whacking his shoulder, making him yelp a little in response. "You wouldn't! I'm your sister!"

"Step-sister." Minghao corrects a little pointedly, rubbing the spot where you hit him as you roll your eyes in response.

"to-May-to, to-Mah-to." You quip back, emphasizing on the different syllables. Minghao roll his eyes, biting back a smile as he shoos you away from the stove. You walk around him towards the fridge, pulling out ingredients for your morning smoothie.

"Besides," Minghao starts softly, clearing his throat as you glance over at him, "I thought we could also have these like when we were kids." He continues to stir the bowl, chewing his bottom lip. "Bacon pancakes were definitely the best way to start the school term."

Minghao and you have been half-siblings since you were 6 years old, your mother having met his father in the most cliche way possible by accidentally spilling coffee on him at the coffee shop down the road from your house. Your mother, being the people pleaser she was, immediately offered him one of your fathers old shirts from the closet as he laughed at her and told her that it was okay. They then got to talking and bonded over their shared grievances before eventually giving this new relationship a shot. When their relationship started getting more serious, it was time for the 'Meet the Kids' Session, where your mother brought you to Minghao's house to meet him and his dad for the first time.

You remember being in that little pink dress your mother had forced you into, and staring at the boy who looked like he was contemplating slamming the door in your faces as soon as he saw the two of you behind it. Thankfully, he didn't and just stared at you even after his father ushered you and your mother into the house. You shuffled awkwardly under his gaze as he continued to quietly stare at you, almost as if he was analyzing you.

"Honey," your mother started, pushing you a little towards the boy, "This is Minghao." His father repeated the same process, speaking your name softly as you stood right in front of the older boy. His eyes flitted around your face before staring you dead in the eye and opened his mouth as you braced for whatever mean words he wanted to say.

"Would you like to see my seashell collection?" You blink once. Twice. Three Times. "Seashells?"

Minghao gave one firm nod before your eyes comically widened as you nodded your head excitedly. Just like that, his face lit up and he gave you a toothy grin before grabbing your hand and leading you to his room. Where he showed you his really cute and pretty seashell collection.

Fast forward to a marriage and 20 or so years later, here you were, sharing a four room apartment with your step-brother; who still had the same seashell collection in his room which was getting bigger with every trip you two had taken together.

You blink at the older man, warmth filling your chest as you smile a little, remembering the fond memories. "I love that." You answer softly, closing the fridge door. "Maybe that should be our new tradition for every rookie day now."

Minghao simply hums, a small grin on his face as you pull out a chopping board from the cupboard. "Want one?" You ask, sparing him a glance as you lay out all the ingredients in-front of you.

"Sure."

The two of you work your way around the kitchen, seamlessly moving out of each others way and getting everything done before both of you settle across from each other.Plates stacked with bacon and pancakes, as well as the smoothie that you made with whatever you could find in the fridge. The two of you eat in silence, chatting momentarily here and there about anything and everything, a simple "Let's go grocery shopping this weekend", or "Should we go out with Gyu and Seok this weekend?"

Your morning ends with Minghao going to take a shower while you pour the leftover smoothies into to-go cups for him and yourself. Clearing the dishes, you smile to yourself as the soap bubbles coat your arms. These are definitely what mornings are suppose to look like. Predictable. Structured. Unsurprising. After a morning like this, what could possibly go wrong?

The quiet moment before roll call is definitely the best part of your morning. It is further affirmed by the two tall troublemakers sitting on top of the break tables in the TO Break Room.

"You guys are aware that there are completely comfortable chairs just beside the table, right?" Minghao asks as soon as the two of you enter the room, deadpan etched in his tone as he gestures towards the four chairs on either side of the table. "You guys are even spoiled for choice when it comes to which seat you'll pick!"

The two whip their heads towards you and your step-brother before they roll their eyes at his words, almost in sync. Their reactions make you cover your mouth, biting back a smile as you try not to giggle. "Just for that, I'm greeting Nova first." Mingyu, the taller of the two says as he stands up and walks towards you before pulling you into a giant bear hug making you groan as he squeezes you tight.

The action is definitely for show for Minghao making you tap hard on Mingyu's biceps, a way to tell him to get off nicely. "Can't. Breathe. Gyu." You manage to mutter out between taps. Mingyu, the ever-loving oaf, did not listen and instead, squeezes you tighter in response. Before you could pass out, the other tall man saves you by yanking Mingyu off of you, pulling you into his embrace instead. "Nova." Seokmin chirps, giving you a squeeze as you smile up at the man.

"Hey, Sunshine." You chirp back, embracing his hug as he squeezes you just a little tighter at the mention of the nickname. Seokmin lets you go before pulling your older step-brother into a side hug, which he begrudgingly accepts as you take a seat on top of the break table, much to Minghaos' dismay as he grimaces when you shoot him a teasing look. "Can't believe it's already our twenty-first Rookie Day!" Mingyu exclaims, taking his seat beside yours, on the top of the break table, the protein shake in his hand sloshing slightly.

You share a look with Minghao, who sits on the chair next to the table (just to prove a point, you're sure), before collectively rolling your eyes. "You're making it sound as if it's like getting the best present in the world." Mingyu raises an eyebrow as he takes a gulp of his protein shake. "It is for you and Nova." He says pointedly, closing the shake with a 'click'. "The poor souls that get the two of you as their training officers better start praying for their lives."

Minghao lets out a scoff as you exasperatedly gasp. "Me?" You ask, feigning ignorance as you dramatically place your hand on your chest. Seokmin lets out a little giggle at your antics, taking a seat next to Minghao on the chair — a way to keep him company. "I'm an angel. The rookies should be glad that it's me training them instead of a tall lanky bozo like you."

Mingyu's jaw drops at your statement as Seokmin starts laughing harder, almost falling off the chair while Minghao smirks, his amusement shining through as he watches you and Mingyu bicker. "Well! At least they don't call me Medusa behind my back!" He shoots back.

"Better than being called Brunette Ken, with all the muscles and no brains." You deadpan out, taking a sip of your smoothie as you shrug. "Besides, Medusa's a badass. She turns people to stone."

Mingyu scoffs at this, a pout making its way onto his face. "Your heart is made out of stone." He sourly mutters.

You roll your eyes, about to retort when you hear a knock on the door. The four of you turn towards it to see Seungcheol leaning against it, a grim expression on his face.

"Sergeant." Mingyu exclaims, his mood picking up instantly after seeing him. He mocks a salute which makes Seokmin giggle and Minghao shake his head with a slight grin on his lips. "May I say you're looking lovely this morning." You let out a giggle before looking at Seungcheol.

Seungcheol, however, did not crack a grin. He sends a nod in Mingyu's direction before locking eyes with you. "Nova, my office in ten."

You blink in surprise, caught off-guard by the seriousness in his tone, before giving him a curt nod. "Yes, Sergeant." He turns without another word, making you look towards the three men who stare at you, as if deciding whether to start praying for you or to reassure you.

"Did you do something to piss him off?" Seokmin inquires, his eyebrows furrowing with worry.

You shake your head. "No… I don't think so." Running through the previous weeks events in your head, you visibly freeze.

Minghao, ever the observer, raises an eyebrow at the action. "What did you do?"

You chew on your bottom lip. "I might've eaten his leftover kimchi stew in the fridge the other day when he wasn't in the office."

The three guys visibly freeze at your confession, unsure of how to react. They share a look between each other before turning back to you.

"The one from the place down the street that he was raving about last week?" Minghao asks, his voice laced with seriousness. In any other situation, you probably would've cackled at how serious your brother looks but instead, you swallow your saliva and nod slowly.

It was almost comedic watching the three guys' expressions change before your very eyes into one of grievances (Mingyu), one of disappointment (Minghao), and one of exasperation (Seokmin).

"Well, we loved working with you." Mingyu says empathetically as he reaches over to pat you on your shoulder.

"I can't believe you would do that." Minghao deadpans, shaking his head. "You know better than to mess with his food after the Bulgogi incident." Minghao states before nudging a thumb in Mingyu's direction.

"Hey!" Mingyu whines out as a pout overtakes his features. "We said we weren't going to bring it up anymore."

"We do when someone messes with the sergeant's food instead of learning from your mistakes."

Mingyu was about to retort when Seokmin stands up, animatedly waving his arms in any direction available making the three of you jump slightly.

"Guys! C'mon!" He says exasperatingly, his arms never wavering. "We need to figure out a way to get her out of this!"

"She brought this upon herself." Minghao says, crossing his arms. "The amount of times I have to remind you guys not to eat his food is getting out of hand." He mutters, locking eyes with you making you shrink back, a little sheepishly.

"What's going on?"

The four of you turn towards the door to see Jun. The older man assesses the room with the precision of a sniper — which he is — with an eyebrow raised. "Are you guys bullying Nova again?"

Sergeant Wen Junhui, is one of the leaders of Vanguard, a Special Enforcement Unit which is usually in charge of all the high risk cases in the area. To you and the rest, however, he was just known as Jun, one of the first few friends the four of you made in the academy. He was also your guys' senior by one year. Other than having a noticeable soft spot for Minghao, he had a bigger noticeable one for you — always making sure that the guys were not bullying you as much while always having your back.

The guys used to make fun of you all the time, saying that Jun probably did that because he had a crush on you — much to Minghao's dismay as your older stepbrother. You used to shut it down as well, always telling them to shut up. However, you did secretly have a small crush on the older man. Not that you would ever admit it. However, all of those theories turned into history when Jun met his girlfriend a year ago.

"She ate Choi's leftover kimchi stew that was in the fridge the other day." Minghao deadpans, making Jun's eyes widen before locking them with yours.

"You didn't." He says in utter disbelief, making you smile sheepishly as Mingyu nods.

"Oh yes she did."

"Nova…" Jun sympathetically drawls out, making your cheeks heat up before you throw your hands up exasperatedly.

"I know okay! Can we please let this go?" You beg. "I don't want to think of all the bad outcomes before they even happen!"

"Maybe we could say that the janitor threw it out." Mingyu suggests, ignoring whatever you just said, making you glare at him.

Minghao shakes his head. "No, Hyunseok is smarter than that after making the mistake once." Minghao recalls, making Seokmin shudder as he recalls the memory as well.

"Maybe he didn't even notice." Jun suggests hopefully, hopping on top of the break room table next to Mingyu. Mingyu furrows his eyebrows before shaking his head almost disappointingly.

"I think the top marksman badge from the academy that hangs above his desk would disagree with you."

You feel the pit in your stomach get deeper with each word they say, making you groan as you run your hands down your face. "I beg of you, please, can we just stop talking about this." You muffle out from behind your hands.

The room goes silent at your words before you feel a hand on your shoulder. You peek out from behind them to look at Minghao, the owner of the hand, who tongues his cheek. "You'll be fine, Pixie. Just go in that room and do what you always do." He clicks his tongue before gesturing towards the other three men in the room. "We kid and mess with you because we like you, I'm sure it's nothing serious."

Your cheeks flush a little at the endearing childhood nickname that Minghao uses every now and then when he's serious or trying to comfort you. The rest had tried to use it after hearing Minghao say it the first time when you were all in the academy together, but that was quickly shot down when you threatened major bodily harm in the worst ways imaginable.

You glance towards the three other men in question who give you reassuring smiles, making you let out a breath that you didn't know you were holding. You glance towards the clock before hopping off the table and dusting your uniform.

"Well, time to face the music." You mumble to yourself.

The four guys share a glance before Seokmin places a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly. "We'll see you at roll call." He says, giving you an infectious grin that almost makes you forget that you are walking towards potential death.

Almost.

You bid them goodbye before walking towards Seungcheol's office. You raise your fist, taking a deep breath to compose your nerves, before knocking three hard knocks on the door. A soft 'come in' comes from the other side of the door, making you push the door open to see Seungcheol leaning against his chair, his expression unreadable as you enter the room.

"You wanted to see me Sarge?" You ask, hoping your voice didn't waver. Seungcheol nods and gestures to the chair in front of his desk.

"Shut the door and take a seat."

You nod, obeying his words before shutting the door with a soft thud and sitting in the chair, Seungcheol watching your every move. He sits upright, analyzing you with a small frown on his face that makes your nerves spike as an awkward silence envelopes the two of you. He opens his mouth to start but you cut him off before he can even get a word out.

"I'm sorry! I'll buy you the stew later for lunch if you don't give me the Bulgogi scolding."

Seungcheol eyebrows immediately furrow at your words, considering them for a moment as you continue to babble on about how you're willing to add on all the extras that could be added, moving your hands around animatedly.

"What?" He asks, confusion written all over his face, making you stop mid-ramble. Your hands freeze in place as you turn to look at the man, your expression almost mirroring his.

"Wasn't that what you wanted to talk about Sarge?"

"I don't even know what you're spouting right now, Nova."

"Oh." You awkwardly mumble out, lowering your arms slowly to your side. Seungcheol squeezes the bridge of his nose as he lets out a sigh, shaking his head. "Then why did you call me here, Sarge?"

He clasps his hands together before leaning them against the table. "As you know, its rookie day, meaning that all the new rookies are coming in today." You nod slowly, urging him to continue. "Normally, I wouldn't make such a big deal of talking to you or the other TOs about the rookies, but upper management has been flagging records, specifically yours."

You freeze at that, watching as Seungcheol reaches beside him and grabs a piece of paper, turning it around and placing it between the two of you. You lean closer, eyes scanning the paper, noticing a table with numbers and names.

Training Officer - Lee Seokmin: Total Rookies - 20 Total Wash Outs - 3 Total Passes - 17

Training Officer - Kim Mingyu: Total Rookies - 20 Total Wash Outs - 1 Total Passes - 19

Training Officer - Xu Minghao: Total Rookies - 20 Total Wash Outs - 8 Total Passes - 12

You briefly screen past the rest of the names and numbers before your eyes land on yours, which was right under Minghao's.

Total Rookies - 20 Total Wash Outs - 11 Total Passes - 9

There was nothing unusual about these numbers. There was a reason why you were known as Nova to the rest of the district since your rookie days. However, what caught your attention was the words written underneath your numbers in the report that the rest did not get.

"Evaluation of Nova: Fierce by nature but tends to leave her rookies to fend for themselves in many reported situations. Needs to get at least double digits this year. If not, removal from TO program as seen fit." Your head shoots up to look at Seungcheol as soon as the words register in your mind. "Removal from TO program? Sarge, you can't be serious."

Seungcheol let out a sigh, grimacing slightly. "Internal Affairs is indeed taking this as a serious issue, Nova. They flagged that your teaching methods have been deemed unfit for taking in the newer rookies. They would like to at least see double digit numbers out of you this year if not," he points at the statement, "removal from TO program, effective immediately."

"Sir, with all due respect, this is bullshit." You manage to spit out. "My rookies turned officers rate may be low but the officers developed under my watch are the ones who are the best of the district. Even IA has got to know that."

Seungcheol sighs again and clasps his hands together, gripping them together tightly. "Look Nova," he starts, "of course I know that this is Internal Affairs way of bullshitting that you can't be here in this program. Your track record for rookies is definitely one of our best."

He pauses to gesture towards the statement again. "However, IA has flagged the number of wash outs that happen on your watch. Regardless of whether it is by luck that I always assign you the worst rookies, or that they do something stupid during the job or wash out during Plain Clothes Day… it doesn't matter." He leans against his chair, looking absolutely drained. "I had to fight with IA about this because they almost flagged your brother for the same exact reason." You chuckle with no humour, a little hurt by his words. "So you save him instead of me?"

His gaze hardens at your words. "You know it wasn't like that, Nova. Don't be like that, please." He says lowly, his tone cracking slightly, making guilt pit at your stomach. You knew it wasn't but you couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth.

You had met Seungcheol in an Undercover Class during your first year as an official officer and he quickly became an elder brother figure to both you and Minghao, always forcing you two to reconcile whenever you both had petty fights. He rose up the ranks faster than anyone you had known of due to his amazing leadership skills as well as his prior army experience that he had kept to himself a lot. When he had first made Sergeant at this district, you and Minghao immediately put in your transfer papers to transfer to his.

He sighs, reaching over to grasp one of your hands in his, a gesture you were familiar with, a way of showing of showing comfort from the older man.

"The two of you were almost kicked out of the program without any consultation." He says before rubbing a thumb over your hand comfortingly. "I was only called as a common courtesy because the guy in charge of the case owes me a favour from the army days. I fought tooth and nail for you and I was only able to save Hao because his passing numbers are in the double digits. Which is why they're offering you the same courtesy." You feel empty at Seungcheol's words and the thought that you and your brother almost suffered the same fate.

You and Minghao were known as the 'Deadly Weapons' during your years at the academy. Your records together broke everyone else's the minute you guys were rookies, making training officers in record time. You, more so than Minghao, had a track record for putting your rookies under immense pressure, tossing them into the deep end and letting them try to swim and fend for themselves more often than not.

Hence, the nickname, Nova— more so than Medusa— followed you through all those years.

You believed in teachable moments but at the end of the day, you were still only twenty-seven. A year younger than Minghao, Mingyu and Seokmin, and you had definitely committed your fair share of mistakes during your few years as a training officer. You were harsh on some, didn't train some of them enough before plain clothes day and there were just some circumstances that couldn't be avoided while out on the field.

Seungcheol taps a finger on your hand, making you snap out of your thoughts. You look at him, his eyes filled with sympathy that makes you swallow your emotions and sit up straighter.

"Alright." You manage to say. "If double digits is what they want, the next rookie is going to be the best one I've trained." If you didn't know Seungcheol for long, you might have breezed past the way he visibly freezes at your words, or the way he hummed— a habit he did when he was hiding something.

You raise an eyebrow at that. "Sarge." You say, suspiciously eyeing the man. "What are you hiding?"

Seungcheol can't meet your eyes so you pull your hand away from his. "Seungcheol." You say, your tone more serious, making the man glance upwards.

"That was the next thing we need to talk about."

Your heart sinks again. "That doesn't sound good." You air out, sitting more upright than you already were.

"Your new rookie is, Kwon Soonyoung."

You blink at him before letting out a small laugh. "Wow, poor guy. If I had the same name as that god-forsaken idol of a murderer, I would definitely change my name straight away. Especially if I was training to become a police officer."

Seungcheol lets out a cough of a laugh before locking eyes with you. "Yeah," he says, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair. "But he is the Kwon Soonyoung, and he was found not guilty."

You stare at Seungcheol for any signs of humour before feeling your heart in your throat. "Sarge, please tell me you're fucking with me." Seungcheol looks at you, his eyebrows raising. "Does it look like I'm joking, Nova?"

You shoot from your seat, feeling your blood rushing. "This has gotta be a joke, Choi." You spit out. "A tabloid murderer—"

"An exonerated tabloid murderer." Seungcheol says, interrupting your rant and causing you to glare at him before continuing.

"—joining our district and being my rookie? Are we just letting anyone join nowadays?"

Seungcheol let out a sigh before standing up and walking over, standing a few meters away from you. "Actually, Officer Kwon had to sue the city to even be in this position because he was wrongfully charged in the first place. The trial found him not guilty and let him into the academy." You let out a slow breath as he continues. "And once he was there, he earned solid scores. His record also tells me they're better than yours."

You freeze at that, your frown deepening. "You can't be serious." You deadpan out.

Seungcheol shakes his head, picking up a paper on his desk before turning it to you. Your eyes widen as the score '389' reflects clearly on the sheet of paper causing you to internally curse. The murderer had scored one point higher than you. One Point.

Seungcheol pulls the paper away from your face, placing it back on his desk as you collect the million thoughts racing through your head. "Internal Affairs has decided that he is your new rookie to really test that your training methods work."

You feel your chest burn with anger. "This really feels like a threat, Sarge." You manage to spit out, your tone and words laced with venom, making Seungcheol sigh.

"It's the offer you're getting, Nova. So I guess the question is…" Seungcheol trails off, sitting at the corner of his desk as he crosses his arms in front of him. "Whether you're going to condemn him before you even meet the guy or are you going to give him the proper treatment to ensure that he passes with flying colours, so that you and him are able to stay in this district together."

Your eyes narrow at his choice of words before steeling yourself. "If he cannot hack it, I will cut him. Regardless of whether I'm a training officer or not after the fact." You swiftly turn towards the door, not wanting to stay any longer.

Seungcheol calls out your real name, making you pause as you turn back to him. "You're one of the best officers I have, Nova. I hope you know that even though Internal Affairs is being a bitch about it, I would have assigned him to you, regardless of everything happening because I know that you can handle it."

Your heart wrenches slightly at his words as you analyze his expression filled with sincerity and sympathy. It makes you let out a slight scoff as you shake your head. "If I can help it, I will not let a murderer walk out onto our streets, Seungcheol." You steel your gaze on the older man. "Even if its the last thing I get to do as a training officer in this district."

With that, you walk out the door.

All the sounds muffle as you continue down the hallway making your way towards the main meeting room for roll call as a number settles in between your thoughts.

546 Days.

You had seen the number written on Kwon Soonyoung's contract under your name.

546 Days under your watch.

546 Days where he will either pass with flying colours or flunk out under your watch.

546 Days to prove that all the blood, sweat and tears were worth it.

546 Days to prove that he has a chance to stay.

546 Days to prove that you were meant for this job.

546 Days, and the clock starts now.

Soonyoung can count the number of times he has been caught red-handed on one hand.

The first time being when he was six years old and he broke his mothers favourite vase, the second being when he had accidentally stepped on his dog — Latte's — tail and she had to be taken to the vet when he was ten. Third, when he sneaked out to meet a girl by the convenience store near his house that he liked when he was sixteen, which was also where he had his first kiss.

However, he didn't think the fourth would be at the age of twenty-eight, handcuffed in the back of a cop's car where he could still feel his hands slicked with blood, hear his heart pounding in his ears as he felt the adrenaline continue to rush through his veins.

Everything felt like a rush, as if he was acting in a new movie. Except this was real life.

He remembers the door being broken in, he remembers his hands stained with red as he was forced to move away from the body. He remembers the muffled yelling of the officers telling him to stand down and surrender when he hadn't even moved from where he was sitting.

He remembers being tackled by the officers, feeling them slam his head into the floor as they handcuffed his bloody hands together and forced him up on his feet, without a second thought for him.

He remembers being read his rights in the back of the car, he remembers being processed and being read his rights in the interrogation room.

He remembers flinching as the detective hit the metal table and yelled at him to answer their questions, questions he doesn't even recall hearing.

Worst of all, he remembers clutching her body in his arms, his hands getting soaked with red as he felt the tears run down his face, hearing his own yells that were muffled and he was sure that it was all just gibberish. Even with his face on the floor and his hands handcuffed behind his back, he could still see the pool of blood that she was left in, her white dress that he had gotten her for her last birthday was soaked with the crimson of her blood. Her eyes, that was once so full of life just bore into his, lifeless and dim.

He had never felt so broken.

Everything felt like a movie, he remembers calling in his oldest friend — Jeonghan — he remembers his manager getting tons of calls, looking more stressed than he had ever seen him, but he thinks the worst part of everything was the look on his parents face when he had gotten convicted, when he was almost convicted without trial.

Soonyoung woke up with a start, his bangs slick with sweat as he felt the cool air prickle his slightly sweaty skin. He groans, running a hand through his hair as a million thoughts ran through his mind.

Her in her white dress soaked crimson from her own blood. Her lips pale, her body cold and limp in Soonyoung's arms as her blood soaked his skin as well, painting his skin red.

He can't remember how many times he had woken up from the same nightmare, but he knows it had to be at least in the sixties or seventies now, considering he used to have this nightmare three times a week during his first week of trials.

That was almost a year and a half ago at this point, he remembers the endless weeks of trial, the sleepless nights of solo-confinement and shudders. When the jury ruled 'not guilty' and he was exonerated, Soonyoung spent the better part of the first few months going for therapy sessions that Jeonghan practically had to drag him to.

"Self-pity is okay." Jeonghan had assured him when Soonyoung brought it up once how much of a burden he felt, wallowing in it. "You went through something that no one should have to experience. It's okay to wallow in the self-pity for a while but don't let it become something that turns you into a shell for the rest of your life."

Soonyoung remembers wanting to argue then, about how it felt wrong for him to live when she was gone but upon seeing the tired look on Jeonghan's face, he shuts up. He was thankful for the older man, who represented him in court and managed to get a settlement for him which was the only good thing reaped from this god-awful case. It was so messy and the evidence was tainted by so many sources, that the case itself was just a nightmare.

Jeonghan had asked what Soonyoung wanted to do with the settlement after the case was over and Soonyoung couldn't tell him. He knew he couldn't go back to being an idol after this — not that he wanted to — the public opinion of him was the worst it had been in years. But after settling down and resting his head on a soft plushy pillow while staring at the ceiling, it clicks.

He used the settlement to sue his way into the police academy and the rest was history.

Soonyoung glances towards his digital calendar on the wall and curses lowly under his breath. Maybe it was just his luck that he happens to have this nightmare plague his mind on the first day of his rookie training. His eyes, flit towards the time on the bottom right of the calendar. He lets out a sigh as it reads 6:20am, an unfortunate time for him to be awake. He forces himself to sit up on the mattress, knowing that sleep will not come easy after the nightmare.

He gets off the mattress and shuffles out of his room, the air of the recent nightmare still lingering which suffocates him slightly. As soon as he opens the door, Soonyoung gets the shock of his life seeing Jeonghan sitting at their kitchen island, a cup of tea in one hand and his phone in the other, scrolling.

"Morning." Jeonghan nonchalantly states as he takes a sip of his tea. He barely glances up at Soonyoung, acting as if it was normal for him to be up at this ungodly hour. Soonyoung blinks at the older man, staring at him making Jeonghan finally glance up, noticing that he hadn't moved from the doorframe and raises an eyebrow. "What?"

"I should be asking you that." Soonyoung blurts out, shuffling into the kitchen. He leans against the kitchen counter as Jeonghan locks his phone, placing it face-down on the countertop. "Why are you awake at this ungodly hour?"

Jeonghan shrugs. "Was burning the midnight oil working on a nightmare of a new case so I didn't get a lot of sleep." Jeonghan pauses, analyzing the younger man. "I was planning to wake up earlier anyways. Wanted to see if you needed anything before you went in for your first day."

Soonyoung feels himself freeze at the double meaning of Jeonghan's words, which of course doesn't go unnoticed by the older man who slides off the island seat. "Tea?" Jeonghan offers softly. Soonyoung feels himself nod before moving to occupy the seat that Jeonghan was in, as if he was on auto-pilot.

Jeonghan shuffles around the kitchen, humming softly to himself as Soonyoung taps along, fingers moving along to the beat as he watches the older man move around the kitchen. Jeonghan had offered Soonyoung to move in with him right after the ruling, when Soonyoung had sold everything that even held a small resemblance to his old idol life, wanting to start anew.

At first, he was hesitant, he didn't want to intrude on Jeonghan's space, and after bringing that up to Jeonghan, the older man simply rolled his eyes and practically moved Soonyoung in without consent.

Jeonghan places the mug in-front of Soonyoung before leaning against the counter.Soonyoung takes the cup with a soft 'thank you' making Jeonghan hum in acknowledgement as he eyes the blonde man in front of him. He takes a small sip, sighing a little in contentment as he feels his chest warm from the hot liquid.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Soonyoung sighs as he meets Jeonghan's gaze, shrugging. "Nothing new." He states, his words bitter as he takes another sip. "Just of that night."

Jeonghan was painfully familiar with that night. He had asked Soonyoung to walk him through it at least a dozen times to make sure that there were no loopholes in his story that the DA would eat him alive for.

Jeonghan let out a sigh. "Are you sure that you're ready for today?" He asks, concern slipping into his tone. "The therapist said that she could always write you a letter to start next week."

Soonyoung shakes his head. "No." He had already considered this the other day when Minyoung, his therapist, brought it up during their most recent session together. It seemed too much like an easy way out and Soonyoung knew that as soon as he took it, it would make his journey a little less purposeful.

"I need to do this." Soonyoung states with a quiet resolve. "I need to make sure that no one else goes through the same thing that I did and I also need to do this for…" He trails off, not being able to say her name. But Jeonghan gets it, running a hand through his hair.

"Well, you were always the more resolved one out of the two of us." Jeonghan softly jokes, breaking the tension as Soonyoung barks out a laugh.

"No way." Soonyoung starts, shaking his head. "Have you seen yourself in court? You nearly ate that other lawyer alive."

Jeonghan scoffs at that. "Because their defense was bullshit." He snarkily states, shaking his head. "Like, how the fuck does 'your honour, the defendants footprints were found on the carpet where the body was found' hold up in court?" Jeonghan blurts out, his hands waving exasperatedly. "Like, no shit Sherlock, it says that in the fucking report."

Soonyoung laugh as Jeonghan continues to rant about the lawyer, his hands continuing their movements. When Jeonghan finally calms down, they launch back into another round of random but easy conversations to pass the time as they finish their cups of tea.

Jeonghan stretches slightly, glancing at the clock. "Well, time for us to get ready."

His words make Soonyoung look towards the clock hanging on the wall, realizing that it was already 7:30am. He goes to pick his cup up but Jeonghan beats him to it, stubbornly shaking his head at Soonyoungs' protests. "I got this, you can't afford to be late on your first day."

Soonyoung scoffs. "And you can?"

"Well, I'm not at the bottom of the food chain, Boot." Jeonghan quips back, a small smirk on his face. The younger boy rolls his eyes, silently flipping the older boy off before making his way into his bedroom.

"Hoshi?"

Soonyoung stops in his tracks, hearing the childhood nickname. He glances at Jeonghan who is standing by the sink. "Yeah?"

Jeonghan analyzes Soonyoung, chewing on his bottomm lip. "If anything bad happens today, I want you to tell me about it." Soonyoung blinks and opens his mouth but Jeonghan raises his hand, stopping him from whatever he was going to say. "I don't care how gory the details are or how fucked up the case is. If anything happens, you either tell me or text Minyoung about it." Jeonghan inhales a shaky breath, strict concern written all over his face. "Promise me, please?"

Soonyoung's heart clenches at Jeonghan's words before nodding. "I promise."

Jeonghan let out a slow exhale of relief and nods. "Good." He turns back to the sink. "I'll see you at dinner, don't do anything stupid that makes you late."

The tension of the earlier statements break at Jeonghan's nagging making Soonyoung roll his eyes. "Yes, mum."

"Don't start with me, Kwon Soonyoung." Jeonghan chastises, jokingly stern which makes Soonyoung's eyes roll again as a scoff falls from his lips. He enters his room, shutting the door behind him with a soft 'thud' before his eyes flit towards the rookie uniform hanging next to his mirror.

He inhales sharply, letting the silence wash over him as the fact finally settles that today is his first day in the actual police world. He didn't have the safety net of the academy and he has to be prepared for anything.

Soonyoung turns toward the window where sunlight starts to seep in as it rises slowly over the horizon of the buildings. Pink and orange clouds fill the sky as dark blue starts to seep in, the orange ball of light peeking through the buildings. Soonyoung smiles, slightly bittersweet. Pink and orange were her favourite colours after all.

"Thank you for another beautiful morning, Seoyeon."

"You're kidding." Seokmin states in disbelief, a small frown on his face. You give him a blank stare as Minghao, Mingyu and him peer into the windowed briefing room. "Kwon Soonyoung? Like the murderer?!"

"Exonerated murderer." You state bitterly, Seungcheol's voice ringing in your head. "Choi was very clear about that fact when he told me about it."

The four of you stand outside the briefing room, leaning against the desks as you stare at the exonerated murderer in question, sitting at the front row, engaging with the other three rookies.

"He looks so…" Mingyu trails off, tilting his head as Minghao fixes him with an unamused look. "Normal?" Minghao asks with an eyebrow raised.

Mingyu shakes his head. "Small."

Seokmin scoffs at that. "You're a giant, everyone is smaller than you by default."

The two start to bicker but you tune them out as you stare at the blonde headed rookie, squinting and analyzing him as he laughs at something the rookie next to him says. Despite being slightly older than them, you can tell that they're close from the way that they were cracking jokes with each other. Soonyoung, however, is nervous. You can tell from the way he keeps tapping his fingers against the metal table, no doubt worried about how the day was going to turn out.

"Pixie." You turn to your right to see Minghao leaning against the desk next to you as Mingyu and Seokmin continued their bickering. "Are you alright?"

You open your mouth, ready to let out an easy white lie but hesitate when you see the concern in Minghao's eyes, making you sigh as you fold your arms. "Not really." You mutter, turning back to look at the rookie. "I don't know how Sarge is expecting me to ride out there with this guy having my back, Hyung. It's like a train wreck waiting to happen."

"I'm sure Sarge has a good reason for putting you with him, Pixie." Minghao gently says. "He probably knows that this is the one thing that will put you on the board for the Sergeants' Exam. A challenge that will put you a notch above the rest." Minghao nudges you, a teasing smile tugging on his lips. "And," he adds, "if he doesn't make it, you can always wash him out. You're the queen of doing that after all."

An awkward laugh bubbles out of your throat as you feel your heart sink, digesting Minghao's words. When the three had crowded you after your meeting with Seungcheol, you hadn't entirely divulged all the details from the meeting. You said that the brass just talked about the new rookie that you needed to shoulder and that it was the wrongfully incarcerated man sitting at the front row.

You couldn't bear to talk about the consequences of what would happen if Soonyoung washes out on your watch, just like you couldn't bear to tell the details of how Minghao was close to being in the same boat as you.

Minghao, ever the observant one, raised an eyebrow at that and asked why the meeting had taken so long if it was just about that. You, ever the adaptable one, replied that you had fought with Seungcheol for the rest of the time about the decision before he finally pulled rank on you.

Not entirely a lie, but not entirely the truth either.

"Still." You say, doubts swirling in your head. "What if I can't make him a good officer, Hao?" Minghao shakes his head before grabbing your hand, squeezing it gently in his.

"Pixie, you will deal with it." Minghao reassures gently, squeezing your hand again. "You're one of the best training officers we have and you will teach this idol what it takes to be a police officer and whether he deserves to be here." He continues, his words fiercely imprinting themselves into your mind. "You're Nova for a reason."

The doubts clear slightly at Minghao's words, making you smile at your step-brother as you nudge him. "Best training officer huh?" You ask, a teasing edge in youe words that makes Minghao roll his eyes.

"I take back everything I said."

Your smile widens. "Too lateeee." You singsong out making Minghao scoff, shoving you lightly.

"Shut it Pixie." He says, a ghost of a smile on his lips as you continued to tease him endlessly.

"Four musketeers." A loud, strict voice drawls out, snapping the four of you out of your conversations. The four of you turn to see Seungcheol leaning against the frame of the briefing room door with his arms crossed. Your eyes widen slightly, when the hell did he get there?

His eyebrow raises as he scans the four of you. "Are you four waiting for an invitation for roll call?"

At his words, Mingyu pushes himself off of the table, a cheeky smile on his face. "Of course sir, a hand delivered invitation from you really shows that you care about the four of us."

Seungcheol rolls his eyes before clicking his tongue."How about an invitation to clean the drunk tank instead, Officer Kim?" A small smirk plays on his lips. "I heard they had some real pukers last night."

Mingyu's eyes widen before he clears his throat. "No sir."

Seungcheol raps his knuckles on the door before gesturing into the room. "Inside in 10 seconds. If you aren't," he turns, a sly glint in his eyes, "you can clean the drunk tank with your tongues."

The four of you immediately stand up straight and walk in through the back door, sitting at the second last row of the room as the rest of the officers and the rookies watch you. Your eyes slowly scan the four rookies before they land on your own, locking eyes with him. He gives you a small smile, nerves definitely creeping in as you narrow yours, keeping your face as neutral as possible. His smile drops as you break eye contact, crossing your arms as you turn to look at Seungcheol.

Seungcheol — the watch commander on duty — stands at the front with Jun at his side as his second in command. You glance at Jun who locks eyes with you, giving you a small smile and a wink that makes you bite back your own smile, rolling your eyes at his antics.

"Alright, looks like we got some new blood this morning." Seungcheol starts, giving a once over to the three younger rookies before looking straight at Soonyoung. "And some, pushing it a little bit."

He rounds the stand, "Stand up." The four rookies scramble to their feet. "After six months at the academy, you have earned the right to be here but you'll have to prove yourself to stay. The way we do things matter. Protocol and tradition are the metal from which every police officer in this city is forged." He gives them a once over again. "Are we clear?" Seungcheol asks, his eyebrow raised.

"Yes, sir."

"Good." Seungcheol rounds the stand to where his papers are. "All of you can sit, except for Officer Kwon." He sizes Soonyoung up, folding his arms in front of him. "Normally, we would be doing the traditional introduction for new probationary officers but you," he takes a few steps towards Soonyoung, "are anything but traditional, Officer Kwon."

He clicks his tongue as Soonyoung places his arms behind his back in army stance. "So," Seungcheol continues, "I am giving you ten seconds to introduce yourself to the rest of the station before rumours start to spread like a wildfire."

Seungcheol signals for Soonyoung to turn around and face the rest of the station. You watch him take a shaky inhale. "I know that there's nothing that I can say in 10 seconds that will change everyone's opinions of me." He lets out a bitter chuckle as he shakes his head, looking at the floor. "Believe me, I've tried." He looks back up as he gives everyone a once over. "But I promise to always have your back and let my actions speak for themselves. And I promise to always strive to tip the scales towards justice." He locks eyes with you. "Because I know what it feels like when they're tipped the other way."

You feel Seokmin, Mingyu and Minghao all glance towards you, trying to gauge your reaction but you just continue to stare at your new rookie, who breaks eye contact as Seungcheol speaks. "And I want to make something very clear."

The whole room turns their attention back to Seungcheol. "Officer Kwon was found not guilty and he earned the right to be here like the rest of you." Seungcheol looks around the room. "He survived the academy, with phenomenal scores and I'd like to repeat," his eyes lock with yours, "that he has earned every right to be here."

You deadpan at the Sergeant, resisting the urge to roll your eyes as he turns to Junhui. "Now, Sergeant Wen shall lead us to our training officers favourite activity," he starts, moving to the side. "The 'Training Officer Match-Up'."

Jun takes the stand before looking at the rookies at the front. "Our contestants for this years matchup are," Jun raises his hand to address them one by one with a smile on his face, he eyes the first one. "Boo Seungkwan, who I am told is the newest military band recruit."

Boo Seungkwan whose hair was dyed a light brown, gives everyone a small wave as Jun eyes the next one. "Hansol Vernon Chwe, whose parents hoped that he would have the force on his side."

You roll your eyes at the dad joke as Seokmin giggles beside you. You watch Vernon rub the back of his neck, whether from second-hand embarrassment or just embarrassment from the attention, you didn't know.

"Baby face, Lee Chan, who is our youngest rookie in history." The baby face in question dons light brown hair and smiles a huge infectious smile that slightly cracks your neutral facade. Jun's eyes sweep to the next one, his gaze hardening. "And as you've heard, our idol-legacy, Kwon Soonyoung."

Jun clears his throat, clapping his hands together as he turns to face you, Minghao, Mingyu and Seokmin. "And our winners are." His eyes flit downwards to his list. "Officer Lee, you get our newest choir boy."

Seokmin, buzzes with excitement making you glance at him, smiling softly. Being apart of the Military Band himself, you're sure that Seokmin and his rookie are going to get along very well.

"Officer Xu, you get our Star Wars fan." You glance at Minghao, a small smile on his face as he rolls his eyes at Jun's antics. "Officer Kim, you get our newest baby face." Mingyu shoots Chan a smile as you watch Soonyoung turn around and lock eyes with you. "Which leaves idol-legacy rookie Officer Kwon to ride with our very own legacy." Jun reads out your name from the list as you narrow your eyes at the rookie who gives you a small smile.

Seungcheol turns to address the rookies again. "Don't let today be your last. Forget the academy, listen to your TOs and you might just survive out there today."

You hear Minghao clear his throat beside you, no doubt holding back a smirk at the Sergeants' words as you shake your head at Seungcheol's antics. "Right, hop to it." Seungcheol claps his hands together. "Be safe out there."

Seokmin hops to his feet as he bids you and the rest goodbye, with promises to see you at lunch as he all but skips to meet his new rookie. The scene makes you laugh a little to yourself as you watch him animatedly introduce himself to Seungkwan before going to prepare their shop.

You stand up slowly with the other two, Mingyu stretching as he does, letting his back crack before shooting the two of you a toothy grin. "See you guys for lunch." He glances at you and Minghao, a cheeky smile on his face. "Don't make your rookies quit before lunch, I'd like to get to know them before you throw them into hell."

The two of you collectively roll your eyes as Minghao shoves Mingyu hard, making the taller man nearly collide into his own rookie. You immediately cover your mouth to muffle your giggles as Mingyu springs to apologize to the baby face while shooting your step-brother a sharp glare.

A small smirk plays on Minghaos lips as the two of you watch Mingyu and his rookie exit the briefing room. Minghao taps you on the shoulder, making you turn your attention to him as he levels with you. "Be safe." He starts sternly, glancing behind you, no doubt at your rookie, before looking back at you. "Call me if you anything happens, okay?"

Despite the nerves pricking at your skin, you jokingly roll your eyes as you mock a salute. "Will do, Sir!" Minghao rolls his eyes at your antics, shoving you softly before walking towards Vernon who's patiently waiting for him at the glass door of the briefing room. You watch them walk towards the logistics room before taking a deep breath and steeling your resolve as you turn to find Soonyoung standing right behind you.

"Ma'am." Soonyoung greets, a small smile on his face as you give him a once over, crossing your arms.

You internally sigh, this was going to be a long day. You briskly walk out of the room, not caring if he is behind you or not."

Soonyoung blinks in surprise and scrambles to catch up with you, nearly tripping over his own two feet. "I've heard a lot about you Ma'am, from the academy!" Soonyoung chirps up as he tries to keep up with your pace. "You are a legend! It's so nice to meet you—"

You stop abruptly, nearly causing Soonyoung to slam into you as you turn to face him, a scowl on your face. You glance behind the two of you, before Soonyoung feels himself be pushed into the interrogation room to your right, slamming the door behind you.

"Sit." He hears you say, eerily cold making Soonyoung blink.

"Pardon?" Soonyoung says as he watches you roll your eyes at him.

"You deaf, Boot?" You spit out before pointing to the chair across the table. "Take a seat!"

Soonyoung scrambles to take a seat. He watches you pace slowly around the room, walking a round around him before you lean against the table.

"Alright, Riot," you start slowly, making Soonyoung shudder at the nickname. "I want to make something very clear to you."

Soonyoung nods slowly, listening to your words. "I would hold off on any sentiment that you have from meeting me, Officer Kwon. I am going to make today the hardest day of your career, hell, the hardest day of your life." You start as Soonyoung watches you steel your gaze and lean closer. "You have twenty extra seconds to tell me why you think you deserve to be a police officer and why I shouldn't just wash you out now for a past that you can't run away from."

Soonyoung feels his throat dry up at your words as his eyes widen. "Twenty?" He manages to sputter out. "With all due respect ma'am, twenty seconds seems too little for you to just cut me over."

He watches you roll your eyes, pushing yourself up as you fold your arms. "Twenty crimes and scandals collectively." He hears you state, making him freeze, his heart sinking in his chest. "Is the reason why I am giving you twenty seconds, Boot. And honestly, it's plenty more than I should give you considering your track record."

"Which I was found not guilty for." Soonyoung finds himself saying before he can stop himself, making you scoff.

"Which some of the public disagrees with." You state, unfolding your arms and leaning against the table once again. "It doesn't matter whether you won the case or not Boot. The fact of the matter is that you were accused of them in the first place. Even if it was wrong time, wrong place that you and your godforsaken lawyer claimed in court, this isn't court. You can't be going around arguing with everyone who finds that ruling false."

You lean in closer again, causing Soonyoung's eyes to narrow. "So, twenty seconds to explain to me why you deserve to be here, why you aren't a liability to this department and a threat to my safety." You snarkily say before lifting your right arm. "Your twenty seconds start now, Boot. And if I like your answer…" You trail off, pulling away to steely eye him again.

"You can be sure that I'm going to make these next 546 Days a living hell."

When Soonyoung hears the click of your watch, he panics. He sputters out words, trying to plead his case but you just watch him, an unamused expression on your face. He runs through a thousand and one words in his mind, trying to find the right words to say but his mouth runs before his brain catches up.

"Of all the things I've heard about the department's legend, a quitter wasn't one of them."

Soonyoung watches you freeze, your eyes narrowing as you glare at him. "Watch yourself, Boot." He hears you coldly say but he catches your voice wavering just slightly.

Soonyoung has always been really good at reading people. It was one of the skills required to be an adaptable idol and he always used it to his advantage. Whether it be doing fan service for the fans or just charming the upper management when he was still under contract — he always managed to see what others didn't want.

So, with a leap of faith, he sees the angle and runs with it.

Soonyoung takes a deep breath before composing himself and flits his gaze to lock eyes with you. "No, I don't think I will, Ma'am." He coolly says as he crosses his arms. "Everyone at the academy was saying how much of a legend you are, taking on even the weakest rookies and turning them into machines." He shrugs. "Sure, some of them wash out…" he leans forward, "But I never would've thought that the department legend, Nova, would rule a rookie out without even giving him a chance."

"Riot-" You warn but Soonyoung interrupts you, his adrenaline and mouth running before he even has a chance to think.

"Ma'am, you're not even giving me a chance to prove myself." He pointedly says. "We haven't even gone on the shift yet and you have me here," he emphasizes by gesturing around the room, "Holed up in the interrogation room because you would rather use whatever you heard about me instead of getting to know me."

"Officer Kwon." You start but he interrupts you again by chuckling bitterly.

"How is that even going to work in your report?" Soonyoung challenges, voice low. "How are you going to tell the brass that one of their top scoring academy students, despite all that he has been through, washes out on the first day because Academy Legend, Nova, didn't even bother to give him a chance?"

Pin drop silence rings in the interrogation room as your watch goes off, signaling that his twenty seconds are over. Soonyoung stands up, still holding your fiery gaze as he matches with one of his own.

"So," he starts, after catching his breath, "Am I out or what?"

He watches you with bated breath, an unreadable expression on your face — which scares him more than it should — before you break eye contact and slam your fist on the table, making him flinch slightly. as you mutter out a string of Cantonese and Chinese curses under your breath. He watches you run a hand down your face before you glare at him again. "You got one shift, Kwon." You spit out, rounding the table to stand in-front of him. "But make no mistake," you press a finger into his chest, "One wrong move and you can kiss this cop career goodbye."

He swallows, as you raise an eyebrow. "Are. We. Clear?" You bite out making him nod slowly.

"Crystal."

You stare at him for a couple more seconds before you take a step back. "Go set up our shop Riot."

Soonyoung gives you a brief nod before walking out of the room, closing the interrogation door behind him with a soft 'thud'. He leans against the wall and lets out a shaky exhale as his heart continues to thunder in his ears. He honestly couldn't believe that he just did that. He stood up to you and basically called you a quitter and somewhat of a coward to your face. To you, the cutthroat Medusa or Nova of the Academy.

"Good going, dipshit." He mutters to himself, pushing off the wall. He feels the pit in his stomach get deeper as he walks to the logistics room to get the gear. "This is going to be a long day."

REPORT 1 OF 546 - SNIPED THROUGH THE HEART

At the academy, they run a lot of simulations. For example a bank robbery, a hostage situation that is about to hit the fan, hell they even run you through a simulation of what happens when you get kidnapped.

But none of the simulations could ever prepare Soonyoung for the cold shoulder that you've given him since the interrogation room. You've barely said more than three sentences since leaving the station, the shops' air uncomfortable with awkward silence.

Soonyoung wants to apologize to you but he know that he can't do that by any means. He had said those things for a reason and he will not apologize for saying all those things if it means that you give him a chance.

Which is how he ends up in this situation at lunch.

"You said WHAT?" Soonyoung winces at Seungkwan's loud outburst as he recalls the morning to his fellow rookies, leaving Seungkwan baffled, Chan's jaw dropped open in shock and Vernon who looks dumbfounded at all the words that just came out of his mouth.

"Keep your voice down, Boo." Soonyoung hisses, glancing around to see a few of the officers side-eyeing the four of them. "Do you want me to get condemned even more?"

Seungkwan rolls his eyes. "You should for all the stupid words that have been coming out of your mouth. He sarcastically states, making Soonyoung shoot him a glare as Chan shakes his head in disbelief.

"I can't believe you actually had the balls to say that to her." Chan says, making Soonyoung groan, placing his head in his hands.

"I can." Vernon nonchalantly quips back, taking a sip of his soda, and making Soonyoung's head shoot up to glare at the man who just shrugs back at him.

"I'd be surprised if you actually make it through the day, Kwon." Seungkwan states, stabbing his fork into his salad bowl before shoveling the salad into his mouth.

Soonyoung slouches in his chair, his face full of disdain. "I'm fucked," he mutters out, glancing towards the three other rookies. "Aren't I?"

The three share a glance with each other, having a silent conversation which makes Soonyoung groan again. He had met the three on his first day at the academy, and despite knowing who he was and the fire he was under, they welcomed him with open arms, Chan jokingly stating that they would rather have him in their group to keep an eye on him. You know, keep your friends close but exonerated murderers closer.

Soonyoung lets out a surprised laugh at that while Seungkwan chastises the younger man for even thinking of making a joke like that as Vernon shakes his head, a small amused smirk on his face. He learned that the three were childhood friends, having grown up living on the same street as each other. There were times where Seungkwan and Vernon mentioned a fourth person being in their group but immediately shut their mouth about it whenever Chan was around.

Soonyoung, not wanting to pry, never asked about it because of the incident during their academy days where Seungkwan accidentally said their name and Chan immediately shut down for the rest of the week. Sure, Soonyoung would be lying if he said he wasn't even a little bit curious about what Chan's past was with that person, but he knew better than anyone else that some wounds and stories just aren't meant to be opened.

"Well, on the bright side," Chan starts, nudging him, "at least you managed to make it through the first half of the shift." He says a little chirpily, trying to lighten the mood as Vernon nods, giving Soonyoung a thumbs up as Seungkwan scoffs.

"Unless Medusa turns him to stone and eats him alive later." Seungkwan mutters out before letting out a yelp as Chan whacks him in the shoulder blade, a sign to keep quiet. Seungkwan levels him with a glare. "Why you little—"

The two start to bicker as a few officers glance over at the two to see what the commotion is about as Soonyoung and Vernon share a tired glance, not knowing whether to stop them or hide more into their rookie uniforms in embarrassment. Soonyoung glances towards you, sitting at the training officer table with the rest, an easy smile on your face that makes him frown slightly. He really needs a way to prove you wrong. And he needs to find it as soon as possible.

On the other side of the courtyard, as you're the talk of the rookie table, Soonyoung is the talk of yours. "So," Mingyu says, taking a seat opposite you with his tray as you're munching on your salad bowl. "Have you cut him yet?"

You roll your eyes. "Ha.Ha." You say sarcastically, stabbing a piece of lettuce."Very funny, Gyu."

Minghao takes the seat on your right while Seokmin sits to your left, giving you a small smile. "Judging from the fact that he's sitting with the rest of our rookies," Minghao starts, nodding towards the rookie table. "I take it he had a passable morning?" He asks, making you shrug your shoulders.

"I tried to give him the old fashioned Medusa talk and he didn't budge." You mutter out, moving the salad around in the bowl. "In fact, he has some balls, called me something of a coward for trying to cut him before he even makes it out for the shift."

The three go quiet, making you glance up from your food, looking at the three blinking at you, their eyes wide. You furrow your eyebrows. "What?" You ask pointedly, a little uneasy by the looks on their faces. Mingyu blinks. Once. Twice. "I'm shocked that you didn't throw him out of the shop as soon as you started your shift." Mingyu states, a little shell-shocked, making Seokmin nod.

"I'm surprised he didn't come back with any bodily injuries." Seokmin quips back making you snort in disbelief at the two taller men.

"Shut up you two." You mutter out as Soonyoung's words keep ringing in your mind as if they're on replay. You grimace slightly at the memory before glancing at said rookie at the table, happily eating his lunch which makes you grimace even more.

Minghao notices, glancing towards your rookie before locking eyes with you, his gaze fleeting all over you, calculating and analyzing. You raise an eyebrow at his look. "What?" You ask, making Minghao shrug.

"Nothing. It's just…" He trails off, as if unsure if he should say it or not. It makes you uneasy.

"Spit it out Hao."

He chews his bottom lip before relenting. "If he really doesn't have what it takes like you said, you would have already taken all the high risk calls this morning so that you could wash him out as fast as possible." Minghao steels his gaze on you, tilting his head slightly. "So, is there a reason why you haven't?" You gnaw on your bottom lip. You knew the reason why.

Firstly, it's the fact that Soonyoung is right, his scores are impeccable, there was no reason for you to want to wash him out as much as you really wanted to. He is the perfect rookie on paper, almost on par with you and Hao, but he was right, you didn't know him. Second, the more obvious reason is of course the more selfish one where you could lose your job if he washes out. But you couldn't tell Hao that, so you settled for something… in the middle.

"Honestly," You start, "I want him to realize for himself that he isn't cut out for this job." You wave your fork around. "I mean, we've all been through it as well, it was hard for us the first few months. The academy can only teach you so much, when we got out of there, we were like baby birds trying to figure out how to fly again."

The three go quiet, slowly digesting your words. You had been thinking about this since this morning. You've heard Seungcheol talk about it a few times, when rookies quit on their own terms, it doesn't go on your permanent record which means that the brass would be forced to give you another rookie. Any rookie would be better than this stuck-up idol-legacy and you're sure of it.

You take a deep breath. "So, I took it easy this morning to draw him into a false sense of security before we take all the high risk calls the rest of the shift." A semi-white lie.

"Damn," Mingyu whistles, breaking the silence. "That's a very Medusa of you, Nova."

Seokmin nods. "It a little scary how your brain works Nova." He shudders. "I'm so glad that I'm on your good side."

The tension breaks as Minghao shoots you a smirk and you laugh a little at Seokmin's words. "Shut up." You say, with no actual malice this time, a small smile making its way onto your face. "Eat your food losers before we're actually late for the next half of our shift."

The rest of the lunch is filled with easy banter as you and the rest of the guys joke around, conversations flowing easily before Seokmin glances at Mingyu's watch. "Well," He lifts Mingyu's arm up. "That's all folks!" He cheerily says with a wink, making you laugh as Mingyu rolls his eyes at Seokmin's antics. He pulls his arm away from Seokmin, shoving him slightly.

"Get your own watch you loser." Seokmin lets out an astounded gasp at Mingyu's shove and opens his mouth, ready to bicker when Minghao puts up a hand, stopping the two.

"Please," he deadpans, "don't start."

Mingyu and Seokmin share a glance with each other, before turning back to the mediator. "But he—" Seokmin starts but immediately shrinks back seeing Minghao's motherly glare, looking a little like a kicked puppy.

You shake your head at their antics before standing up, rolling your shoulders. "Right," You start before eyeing your brother. "Can you help me clear my trash? I got a rookie to straighten out."

Minghao stares at you for a moment before he begrudgingly nods, making you give him a smile and a back hug. "You're the best!"

He rolls his eyes but pats your arms nonetheless. "Yeah yeah," He drawls out. "You only say that when I do something for you."

You pull away. "Because you're the best when you help your baby sister do stuff."

"Step-sister." He corrects making you roll your eyes before you bid them goodbye.

You walk over to the rookie table, steeling yourself when the baby face meets your gaze and his eyes widen as you try not to smirk at the way he starts to lose his composure. You stop right behind Soonyoung's chair before kicking it lightly, making him jump before he turns and locks eyes with you. You gesture to the shop. "C'mon Boot." You snark out. "Crime ain't going to fight itself."

You walk backwards as Soonyoung's eyes widen before he scrambles to his feet, ready to follow you. You raise an eyebrow and cross your arms. "Leaving without clearing your trash, Riot?" He stills at that as he turns to face the table where his food wrappers still were. "Are you expecting your fellow rookies to clear up after you?"

"No, Ma'am." He mumbles, grabbing the food wrappers and tossing them into the nearby bin as you see his fellow rookies all share a look with each other. You roll your eyes as the blonde man made his way to you before the two of you stalk off to the shop together.

The three rookies watch as the two of you walk away, Soonyoung scrambling to catch up with your fast pace. For someone shorter than him, you sure are fast. After the amusing scene, Chan eyes Vernon and Seungkwan. "I bet you $100 that she's gonna try to make him quit before end of shift today."

Seungkwan rolls his eyes as he picks up his trash. "No duh." He sarcastically states, "That's basically free money for you. We should bet on something more interesting."

Chan frowns at that statement. "Like what?" Seungkwan shrugs, throwing his trash away.

"I bet you $500 that they're going to get together." Vernon states nonchalantly, clearing his tray before placing it above the trash can. Chan and Seungkwan freeze at the statement before looking at Vernon as if he had grown a second head. Vernon looks over the two before he frowns. "What?" He asks, curious about their expressions.

"Bro," Chan drawls. "Those two?"

Vernon shrugs. "I can see it happening."

Seungkwan shakes his head in disbelief. "I think she would rather die than date Kwon."

Vernon eyes the two before raising an eyebrow. "Then it's easy money for the two of you right?" He challenges making Chan and Seungkwan look at each other, as if calculating the risks.

Vernon lifts up his hand making Chan smirk, shrugging slightly. "Sure, I'm in." He grabs Vernon's hand, shaking it.

The two look towards Seungkwan who looks like he's still contemplating before he lets out a sigh, taking Vernon's hand. "Fuck it, I'm in."

Vernon grins at the two as Seungkwan rolls his eyes again. "Don't look so happy," Seungkwan quips, starting to walk to where his training officer was with Chan by his side. "You're going to be down a thousand dollars by the end of this."

Vernon shrugs his shoulders, trailing after him before glancing at the two of you again. Soonyoung clumsily stalking after you as you try not to roll your eyes as he almost trips over air. He smiles a little to himself. "We'll see."

The shop is quiet again, the awkward silence unbearable as you drive around. You keep feeling Soonyoung's stares and glances drill into the side of your head. At first you could avoid it, focusing on the road ahead, but it didn't take long before it began to annoy you.

"If you have something to say, Boot." You say, shocking Soonyoung as your voice pierces through the silence. "Spit it out."

You see Soonyoung pull his bottom lip between his teeth from the corner of your eye as he gnaws on it before sighing. "I- I," his voice cracks slightly, no doubt from his nerves as he clears his throat. "I just wanted to thank you for giving me a chance, Ma'am. I promise you that I won't let you down."

His words make you glance at him and upon noticing the hope sparkling in his eyes, you sigh. "Like I said earlier, Officer Kwon," Your tone hard, "I would hold off on any sentiment. We had a slow start to our shift which means you still have the whole other half of it to make mistakes, so don't make promises that you can't keep." You raise an eyebrow and lock eyes with him through the rear view mirror. "Understood?"

Soonyoung visibly swallows, giving you a curt nod before he proceeds to stare out the window, taking note of the street signs.

The two of you continue to drive before you hear a gunshot, making Soonyoung flinch as your gaze hardens. "Kwon, radio it-" You stop as you watch the car in front of you swerve to the side before crashing into a lamppost making your eyes widen as you quickly pull over to the side, unbuckling and hopping out of the car in record speed as Soonyoung does the same.

You and Soonyoung pull out your guns as you round to the drivers seat and your heart drops. You see a male in his late forties, three gunshot wounds to the chest as the blood begins to seep into his shirt. You turn towards the windscreen, eyes narrowing as you notice the three shots bunched up together. You internally curse, pulling out your radio and looking at the high rise buildings. "Control, 7-Adam-21," You scan the high rise buildings. "We got an active sniper with a long gun at the 45 Bronco Avenue. Requesting backup and patch me through to 7-Adam-100."

"Copy." You hear dispatch state before there was static and Seungcheols voice patches through.

"Nova? What's going on?"

"Sir, we have an active sniper at the 45 Bronco Avenue." You repeat, actively scanning the buildings. "Requesting for you to shut down all eastbound traffic from Main and have Vanguard on stand-by, just in case."

"Copy." You blink in surprise as Jun's voice patches through. "Vanguard will secure the perimeter. Stay safe, Nova."

"Copy." You state, a small smile on your face at Jun's concern before Seungcheol's voice patches through again.

"Nova, Kim and Xu are on their way to your location, one minute out. Wen, I've sent Lee and his rookie to meet up with you to secure the perimeter."

"Copy Sarge." Jun says. "Nova, you and your rookie secure the scene, do not go after the shooter before backup arrives."

"Noted." You state before you address the crowd that had gathered in a panic. "Get off the street! We have an active shooter!" Your heartbeat thuds in your ear, pounding as you feel your blood pulse before you whip around to address Soonyoung. "Kwon-" You pause, noticing Soonyoung staring at the body, his face pale. You frown, "Kwon?"

He doesn't hear you, continuing to stare at the body, his chest pulsing faster and faster. Your eyes widen, realizing what was going on before you round the front of the vehicle to his side. "Kwon." You sternly say, reaching over and turning him around by his shoulders as he starts to hyperventilate. You force him to sit down, his body wrecking with uneven breathing as you gaze all over his face, your mind racing. "Breathe, Kwon! Deep breaths." You chastise, watching as his eyes unevenly focus everywhere except you, like you weren't even there in front of him.

You gnaw on your bottom lip before your ears perk up, hearing sirens behind you. You turn around, noticing Minghao and Mingyu step out of their respective shops. They jog over to you, faces serious with their rookies right behind.

"What have you got?" Minghao asks.

You stand up, blocking their view of Soonyoung. "We got a shooter, sniper from what I can tell from the bunched up shots through the windshield." You nudge your thumb towards it, your words urgent. "I've notified Sarge already, he's shutting down all traffic from Main and Vanguard is securing the perimeter with Seokmin and his rookie." You glance downwards at your rookie who is still in his head before looking towards your two fellow training officers. "We've lost about five minutes on the target but judging from the shots, I'd say they were at either of the Northwest buildings over there from the traffic flow." You gesture towards the buildings.

Chan and Vernon who were behind their TOs notice Soonyoung, their eyes wide as they start to walk towards him. You hold up a hand, stopping them in their tracks, a sharp gaze in your eyes. "I'll deal with him." You sternly say before turning back to Mingyu and Minghao. "I'll get him out of this rut and I'll secure the scene, we're already loosing precious time, go after the sniper."

Mingyu and Minghao share a glance before looking back at you, nodding curtly. They take off down the street, pulling out their guns. "C'mon, Chwe." Minghao calls out, making the rookie give one last glance to Soonyoung before jogging after his TO and clearing the streets. Chan however, ignores his TO's calls and continues to stare at Soonyoung, frozen to the spot even as Mingyu runs further away.

"Officer Lee." You call out to him, making his head snap to you, meeting your stern gaze. "I will deal with him. Follow after your training officer." You watch him swallow, opening his mouth to protest but you stop him. "If you don't, I will personally see to it that your TO writes you a blue page for not following orders." He pales a little at that which makes your gaze soften slightly, as you let out a small sigh.

"I will take care of him." You reassure, your voice still carrying the stern edge. "I promise."

He looks between you and his friend again before nodding and chasing after his training officer. You sigh, crouching back down to your rookie. You call out to him a few times before realizing that you need to shock him out of this anxiety driven state. Taking a deep breath, you slam your hands down hard onto his shoulders, startling him as you almost snap him out of it. He immediately locks eyes with you.

"Kwon." You sternly breathe out, looking directly into his eyes as his breathing is still uneven. "I need you with me." You mutter sternly, trying to get through to him. "I know it's a shocking discovery seeing a dead body but, I need you to focus on me and get through it."

He stares at you, his eyes still glassy as his breathing still doesn't stabilize. You gnaw on your bottom lip, mind racing before taking a deep breath and changing tactics.

You aren't sure if tough love would work, but you needed it to because there was a shooter at large while you're here trying to get your older rookie to get the hell back onto his feet. You level with him again.

"Officer Kwon." You spit out, shocking the rookie. "I need you to get the fuck back up on your feet." He stares at you, his breathing starting to even out due to your harsh words, colour returning to his face. You continue to get him to focus on you, coaxing him with hard words before the glaze in his eyes fade as colour fully returns to his face.

"Okay?" You ask. He shakily nods which makes you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.

You give him a once over before moving him to the opposite side of the street as he starts to regain his senses. You grab a bottle of water from the shop and hand it to him, not bothering to look at him before securing the scene. You don't know how long you spent trying to get Soonyoung out of his episode before navigating the scene, but Seungcheol appears as supervisor on scene.

"Nova." He greets before looking around you, his eyebrows furrowing as he frowns. "Where's your rookie?" You grimace, gesturing to the opposite end of the street where Soonyoung is, clutching the water bottle as if it's his lifeline.

Seungcheol follows your gaze before his frown deepens. "Did he puke?"

You shake your head. "Panic attack." You simply state, crossing your arms as you both stare at your rookie. "Seeing the bullet holes and the body seems to have brought up some… unpleasant memories." You give Seungcheol a condescending look. "Almost as if he shouldn't be a cop."

Seungcheol rolls his eyes and crosses his arms. "Luckily," he starts, a smirk pulling at his lips. "He has the best TO in the business to get him through this." You roll your eyes, ready to retort when Mingyu and Minghao jog up to the two of you, their faces grim. You watch as their two rookies immediately break away from them and jog towards your rookie before you focus on the two other TOs, your heart dropping at their expressions.

"You didn't get them did you?" The two shake their heads, matching frowns on their faces as you let out a small groan.

"Fucker got away on a zip-line before we managed to get a read on them." Mingyu bitterly states, slowly catching his breath. "We also didn't get a good look at him before he jumped off the building via zipline." Mingyu pulls out his city-issued phone, a picture of the scene on it.

You and Seungcheol lean closer, examining the picture. "Looks like the guy has elite training." You note making Minghao nod grimly.

"Mingyu and I accessed the scene after he jumped out and it looks like it was pre-planned, Sarge. The pegs in the walls to hold the zip-line look like they were hammered in, a day or two ago."

Seungcheol's eyebrows raise before fixing his gaze on Mingyu. "I'm surprised you didn't jump out after him, Kim."

You let out a snort as Mingyu blinks, a little stunned by Seungcheol's statement before scoffing. "Well, I was halfway out the window when Xu pulled me back, sir." He sarcastically states making Seungcheol roll his eyes, a ghost of a smirk tugging on the sides of his lips.

Minghao, who was examining the body and the scene, chews on his bottom lip before calling out to Seungcheol. "Sarge. We're definitely looking for a professional here."

Seungcheol's eyebrow raises. "What makes you say that?"

Minghao points towards the windscreen. "Moving car and still manages to hit their target dead center in the chest?" Minghao shakes his head. "I can think of maybe a couple dozen professionals who can do that." Seungcheol absorbs Minghao's words and nods.

"Well, at least that narrows the search down to a couple dozen people." Seungcheol says as your phone buzzes, you bring it out, scanning the report.

"Our victims name is Viktor Park." You begin to read. "He was an accountant working for ANB Funds and Savings before he quit his job. Database says that he was cited on about a dozen different laundering cases but never caught."

Seungcheol grimaces at that, "Sounds like we're looking for a gun for hire then." You glance back towards the car as you try to piece everything together while Minghao speaks up, almost as if he was reading your mind as he goes through the process bit by bit.

"So," Minghao clicks his tongue. "Viktor is a man of routine and judging from his car and the amount of papers that had fallen out of his briefcase," He gestures to the scattered papers at the backseat. "It looks like he was going to work. If he is a man of routine, it means that he drives down this street everyday because our shooter was just waiting for him to turn up."

Mingyu nods at Minghao's words. "So, maybe the person Viktor was working with needed him dead because they were scared that Viktor was going to leak information about the job?"

Seungcheol nods slowly. "Maybe." He states. "But we need to look at the facts and investigate." He runs a hand down his face. "Just our luck that we're down our detectives today because one's out sick and the other is dealing with the overrun cases in homicide."

You glance at Seungcheol before looking at Minghao and clearing your throat. "Well, Minghao has been studying to take the detectives exam in two weeks." You state, making the three men turn to you. Minghao blinks, shooting you a panicked, 'what are you doing' look. The action makes you shoot him a reassuring wink before continuing. "You could give him your all-powerful speech and make him detective just for the case." You lock eyes with Seungcheol, giving him a cheeky look before lifting a finger. "Plus," You add. "It's good on the job learning experience."

You watch as the gears turn in Seungcheol's head before he nods, turning to Minghao, who looks like he's trying very hard to decide if he wanted to murder you or thank you. "By the power vested in me— come here." He gestures for Minghao to take a step forward, making you and Mingyu stifle your giggles at how Minghao stiffly steps forward. "By the power vested in me by the LAPD, I hereby declare you Detective for the case." Seungcheol says, knighting Minghao. "With great power comes great responsibility."

You let out a snort at the famous quote, quickly covering your mouth as Minghao looks like he's about to puke from the immense pressure. Seungcheol claps a hand onto Minghao's shoulder. "You'll be fine, Xu." He says reassuringly. "Now, I'm assigning Nova and Kim to you as well because it looks like you need the extra set of hands." Seungcheol raises an eyebrow. "Understood?"

Minghao visibly swallows before shallowly nodding, his still slightly pale face making Seungcheol smile and walk off to go relieve Jun and Seokmin from the perimeter. As soon as Seungcheol is out of earshot, Minghao turns towards you and Mingyu who had matching smiles on your faces. "I hate you." Minghao deadpans, making your eyes roll.

"No you don't." You quip back, making Minghao shake his head.

"I'm not ready for such a big responsibility, Pixie!" He exclaims nervously, making you soften, seeing your older brother in distress, actually believing that he wasn't ready for this.

"Hao," You gently start, grabbing your brothers hand in yours. "You analyzed the scene and connected the dots in half the time that I did, even though I was the one who secured the scene." You give his hand a quick squeeze, a small smile on your face. "You're the best one to take the task out of the four of us."

Minghao looks at you, gnawing at his bottom lip before glancing at Mingyu who gives him a reassuring smile, swinging an arm around his shoulders. "She's right." Mingyu simply assures, "You've also been studying for this exam for like ever!" He exaggerates, waving his other arm animatedly, making you giggle at his antics as a small smile ghosts over Minghao's lips. "Having this hands-on experience might make it a whole lot easier to digest the information and further prepare you for the exam."

Minghao digests both of your words, glancing between the two of you before letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding, visibly relaxing. "You're right." He says, his nerves steeling. "Let's get started then."

You grin widely at your older step-brother who has a look full of determination, "That's the spirit!" You hum out, letting go of his hand. "Alright, Detective Xu." You tease, making Mingyu laugh as Minghao shakes his head at your antics. "Where shall we start?"

Minghao thinks for a beat. "Well, first we need to secure all evidence in the car, his briefcase, phone, wallet as well as the papers are all evidence for the case." He glances towards Mingyu, "Can you and your rookie help to further secure the scene? I'll get dispatch to send forensics to relieve you guys later."

Mingyu takes a quick glance at you before nodding. "On it." He says before calling out to his rookie. Chan scrambles up, shooting Soonyoung one last look before he scurries over to Mingyu as they start to secure the scene and bag evidence.

"How come you didn't want me to further secure the scene?" You ask, your eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Minghao's gaze shifts to you before glancing towards where your rookie and his sit, making you frown as the information clicks in your head. "Right." You mutter as Minghao gives you a sympathetic look.

"As much as I want you here with me, working the scene," He chews his bottom lip slightly. "It seems as though your rookie needs to work through a couple of things before he can be allowed onto any homicide scene."

"So, you don't need me?" You ask him, voice small, making him shake his head 'no'.

"I need you and your boot to check with control and ask them to form a list of the couple dozen that could've done this to our victim. See what you can dig up on them before we knock on doors." His eyes darken as he grimaces. "Our hitman already murdered in broad daylight. I'd hate to see what would happen if we didn't have any backup." You nod slowly as Minghao locks eyes with you, his eyes softening. "There's no one else I trust with this job, Pixie." He assures, his voice gentle. "You're my number one. I'll always need you, okay?"

His assurance brings a small smile to your face as you nod in understanding. He pats your head once. "Let's get to work then." He says before looking towards the pavement where both your rookies sit, in silence it looks like. You gnaw on your bottom lip as Minghao calls Vernon over, making the rookie give Minghao a curt nod. He gives Soonyoung a solid pat on the back before he stands up and jogs over to his TO, a tense expression on his face. Minghao shoots you a look before going back to the scene as you heave out a sigh.

You walk over to your rookie, whose colour had returned to his face, and stand before him. "C'mon." You mutter, turning on your heel and walking back to the shop, pulling out your walkie in the process. "Control, I need a list of retired Army Personnel that have a registered long gun to their name."

"Copy, will be sent to your box upon completion."

As dispatch clicks off, you slip into the front seat as Soonyoung slips into shotgun, not meeting your gaze as he clears his throat.

"Ma'am, I—"

You hold up your hand, closing your eyes as you take a deep breath before opening them. "Save it, Kwon." You mutter out bitterly, shooting him a look of disbelief. "All this time when you were training to become a cop, it never occurred to you that you might need to walk into a murder scene?"

Soonyoung gnaws on his bottom lip, hesitating a little before answering. "I thought I was better. I haven't had a panic attack since my fifth session of therapy which was almost a year ago." He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I guess seeing this in person again was just a little more overwhelming than I thought it would be."

You raise an eyebrow at that. "Just a little?" You pointedly ask which makes him heave a sigh again.

"But this is good," Soonyoung starts, "I found another trigger and I'll continue to work through it to become a better version of myself."

You shake your head at that, chuckling to yourself in disbelief. "This isn't a therapy session, Riot." You bitter state, as you try not to burst out in anger. "This is people's lives we're talking about. What happens when we're out on the street and you have a panic attack because there's someone else lying in a pool of blood while we're in the middle of a shoot out?" You ask, getting angrier by the second as Soonyoung watches you with wide eyes. "What happens then, Officer Kwon?" You hiss out as you jab a finger into his chest, your fiery gaze hard on him. "Will you just leaving me hanging on the edge of death because you can't work through your issues? Or will you die in the line of duty because you were paralyzed?"

Silence envelops the shop at that, your chest heaving as you catch your breath from spitting out the words laced with venom, causing Soonyoung to pale even more under your stare. You take a deep breath before removing your finger pressed against his chest as you lean back into your seat. "Work through your issues on your own time, Riot." You bitterly bite out, taking the shop out of park. "If not, we're going to have a serious problem."

For the next two and a half hours, you and Soonyoung work together in silence, researching and documenting the information that Minghao needed before you and the rest could go knocking on doors. A knock on the briefing room door interrupts your silence. You peer up to see Minghao standing there, leaning against the doorframe. "How's everything?" He asks, making you shrug.

"No complaints here." You say a little curtly making Minghao's eyebrow raise, sensing your tone. He doesn't push though, not that you expect him to. He was always professional in front of your rookies, but you know that as soon as you guys get home today, he will definitely annoy you till you tell him what it was about.

You silently grimace at the thought before pushing it away. Minghao looks at the whiteboard you and Soonyoung set up with the information for the case, scanning it with a slight bit of pride in his eyes. "Ready to call in the team?" He asks, making you nod.

"Let's do it."

Less than twenty minutes later, you are seated on top of the briefing room tables (much to Minghao's distaste) in between Mingyu and Seokmin as your rookies sit on top of the tables, a few rows behind you with a couple dozen officers in between the rows. Minghao stands at the front with Vernon seated at a table by the whiteboard, while Seungcheol and Jun scan the whiteboard you and Soonyoung had filled in. Seungcheol turns to look at you. "Alright, Nova, walk us through it." You give him a curt nod before standing up and ushering for Soonyoung to hand out the hard copy prints.

"On your hardcopy list, you will find one of the dozen targets that Officer Kwon and I have accessed using the records to figure out which one could be our sniper. It's shorter than our list from this morning but an even dozen is still a lot." You pick up a laser pointer from the side of the whiteboard before continuing, shining on the map shown at the side. "Officer Xu will be splitting you guys into four respective groups and each group will be dealing with a section of the map that Officer Kwon and I have narrowed down. We have reason to believe that our suspect is still armed and he isn't afraid of us, so thread carefully and never leave each other without backup."

You glance at Minghao, who gives you a curt nod before taking over as you go back to your seat. "Nova and her rookie have pulled their last known addresses from the database, their respective military missions where they served as well as any priors they may have had since being discharged from the army." Minghao grabs a list from the table before glancing around the room. "I'll be splitting you into your respective sections now so listen up."

He goes down the list, grouping people together until he reaches the last section. "Lastly, in Section D, we have Officer Kim, Officer Lee and Nova, with their rookies respectively." He says, glancing over at you and the two tall training officers. The three of you nod your head before Minghao addresses the room again.

"Sergeant Wen and his Vanguard unit will be securing a perimeter, if any of us need any help or our suspects try to run. Sergeant Choi and I will be stationed in the middle of the perimeter in a stakeout van just in case anything goes wrong." He takes a deep breath before raising an eyebrow. "Any questions?" The room was silent as Minghao scans the faces before clapping his hand. "Alright, let's get to it."

The room clears out, the different sections trailing out as Minghao turns to the three of you. "Would you like Officer Chwe as additional backup?"

You share a glance with the other two, calculating. "I guess it wouldn't hurt…" Seokmin starts as Mingyu raises an eyebrow.

"Will Choi allow you to just pass us your rookie?"

Minghao shrugs at Mingyu's question. "From Nova's list, it seems that your section has more of the dangerous targets. I don't think he would mind if I sent Chwe with you as an extra set of hands, plus," he glances towards his rookie who is still seated with the three of yours. "He won't learn a lot from me just sitting in the stake out van."

Minghao turns his attention back to the three of you. "So, what do you say?"

You quickly glance at Mingyu and Seokmin before nodding. "Sure, wouldn't hurt, just check with Sarge to see if that's okay, though." You stand up from the desk, stretching slightly. "Right, we're going to set up the shops, you should go ask Sarge now."

Minghao gives you guys a nod, turning to go find Seungcheol before Seokmin and Mingyu turn their gazes to you with a look on their face. You raise an eyebrow at both of them. "What?" You ask, getting a little uneasy at their hard stares.

"Are you sure about bringing your rookie with you after what happened today?" Seokmin carefully asks, making you blink at him in disbelief.

"Who told you?" You ask, pointedly as Mingyu looks away, a little sheepishly as the tip of his ears turned slightly pink.

Seokmin clears his throat as you shoot Mingyu a glare. "That's not the point, Nova." Seokmin says, turning you away from Mingyu and locks eyes with you, concern sparkling in them. "If you want to leave Kwon here because you feel like he isn't ready, I'm sure Sarge will understand that and let him work the front desk. Then you can take Chwe as your backup."

You stare at Seokmin, gnawing on your bottom lip as you consider his words. He is right. After the incident this afternoon, you have no reason to let Soonyoung out onto the street. Minghao probably wanted to assign Vernon under you for that exact reason — to look out for you and your rookie. You turn to look at Soonyoung who is seated with his back turned to you as he chats with the other three rookies. He smiles, almost adoringly as Chan and Seungkwan animatedly argue with each other about something as Vernon sits there, shaking his head in embarrassment.

You look at him for a beat too long before turning back to meet Seokmin's gaze. "I can't take the easy way out to train him, Sunshine." You say softly, your gaze hardening with determination. "I also can't spoonfeed him and just let him stay at the desk because it's going to get hard and he can't handle it." You shake your head. "That's not my style and that's not the training officer he needs. So," You take a breath before plastering on a determined smile, "I say he's going onto the field."

Seokmin stares at you, worry etched into his features as he glances over at Mingyu, who has a similar expression on his face. The two of them have a silence conversation before Seokmin sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Alright," he relents, shaking his head. "But you are to stay with me and Boo at your 8 and 9 O'clock at any given time." He raises an eyebrow, "Understood?"

You roll your eyes at his words. "What am I? Five?" You quip back, folding your arms. "I don't need babysitting."

Seokmin sighs at your stubbornness as Mingyu speaks up. "Your brother—"

"Step-brother." You interrupt, making him roll his eyes as he breezes past your comment.

"—has asked Seok and I to keep an eye on you and your rook out in the field. I know that you can handle yourself, Nova, but this assignment can go south at any moment. So, if anything happens, I don't want you playing 'Hero' with a backup who couldn't even handle it when he saw a dead body this morning."

Seokmin nods as he levels you with a sympathetic expression. "We're just looking out for you, Nova, just like you would look out for us." A small smile appears on his lips. "Plus, we can't have four musketeer movie night if we're missing a musketeer."

You let out a breath of a laugh making Seokmin smile wider before he grabs your hands, his expression softening to one of concern. "Just promise us, please?"

You glance between the two older men before sighing and nodding your head. "Fine," you mumble, "I promise."

Seokmin nods, satisfied with your promise, giving your hands a squeeze before Minghao walks back into the meeting room. "Rolling out in five!" He announces, clicking his tongue. "And Sarge gave the all clear for Chwe to join the three of you."

Seokmin gives him a nod. "He can ride with me then."

Minghao nods, thankful for Seokmin's initiative before calling out to Vernon. "You'll be riding with Officer Lee and his boot," Minghao says sternly. "Watch their six and don't do anything stupid." He warns, his gaze hard on Vernon who swallows nervously and nods. "Yes, Sir."

Minghao locks eyes with both Mingyu and Seokmin as they silently chat, making Seokmin hop out of his seat. "Right, let's go grab extra gear." He says to Mingyu, the taller man nodding as they call out to their rookies plus Vernon, before heading out of the glass briefing room.

Soonyoung makes his way to you when Minghao held up his hand, freezing Soonyoung in place. "I need a chat with your TO, Kwon."

Soonyoung pauses at that as you internally sigh, turning to look at your rookie. "Follow Officer Lee and Officer Kim, they will brief you on how to set up our shop properly." Soonyoung takes once last glance between you and Minghao before nodding. "Yes, Ma'am."

He jogs out of the room to catch up with the others, making you turn back to your step-brother who is already fixing you with a look that you're all too familiar with. "I'll be fine." You assure him before he can say anything as you roll your eyes. "God, you guys are acting like I haven't been doing this for like, ever."

Minghao rolls his eyes at your words. "I haven't even said anything, Pixie."

You scoff, folding your arms. "You didn't have to, Hao." You shoot back, raising an eyebrow at him. "Telling Seok and Gyu to look after me? C'mon, Hao, I thought you knew that I was better at discerning these things for myself."

"Of course I know that you can discern these things for yourself, Nova," He says. "Doesn't change the fact that you have a wildcard for a rookie, who has some trauma despite his amazing numbers, and that I'm not on the field to have your back today." He factually states, shaking his head. "Plus, you also tend to let your ego get the better of you in situations like this." Your gaze slightly hardens at his words as you feel a slight thud in your chest, his words piercing you like a knife.

He shakes his head, noticing the change in your expression. "It's not a bad thing, Nova, it happens to the best of us when we think we can handle something that we can't control." He sighs, his voice dropping lower. "It's happened to all of us, you can attest to that, you were there." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just need you to push your Nova-persona to the side for a second and question whether this is actually the right move, please."

Hearing his voice crack and the pleading tone laced in his words, makes your anger dissipate slightly. You know that he means well and he has a point. However, it doesn't change the fact that he thinks that your ego is clouding your judgment, though. You take a slow inhale, composing yourself and clearing your head before fixing your eyes on your older brother. "Hao, I'll be fine. Like I said, this isn't my first rodeo." You say, as gently as you could while still being serious. "As for Kwon, I'll handle it if things go wrong. I just need you to trust me, please."

Minghao stares at you for a few seconds before sighing out in exasperation. "Fine," He says, giving in, "But radio me the second something goes wrong." He fixes you with another hard gaze. "I don't care if someone else needs my help, I'll go to your section myself."

You resist the urge to roll your eyes at your older brothers words. You don't have enough time to get into another argument with him about how he is just supervising. So instead, you bite your tongue and (just) nod. "Got it."

Minghao's eyes soften at your tense tone as he lets out a soft exhale. "Be safe." He says softly, his older brother persona shining through as he gives your hand a quick squeeze, before leaving the briefing room. You let out an uneasy exhale of a breath as everyone's words swarm in your mind.

You run through them for a few seconds, letting your guard down as everyone's worries highlight in your mind. You know it's risky, but you're Nova, if you didn't have that, you didn't have anything. You shake your head, slapping your cheeks a little. "Focus." You softly scold yourself. With a deep breath, you jog out of the room to meet up with Soonyoung who is already seated in shotgun. You slide into the shop, fastening your seatbelt as quickly as you can while Minghao calls for roll out, making you shift into drive.

"What did Officer Xu want?" Soonyoung ask, making you click your tongue. "Nothing that you should be concerned with." You answer briefly and curtly before casting a stern glance his way. "What you should be concerned with is whether you're ready to handle things later if shit hits the fan."

Soonyoung is silent as you fix him with a look as soon as you reach a red light. "Are you going to break down on me again?"

"No, Ma'am." He answers fast, almost a little too fast despite not sounding so sure of himself.

You nod, "Good." You focus your eyes on the road again, "Let's do this."

"Third house is clear." Mingyu says through the walkie which makes you signal to Soonyoung to cross the name off of the list. "Neighbours said that the family went on vacation to the Maldives on Monday and they'll be back next week."

"Must be nice having government pension money to bring your family to Maldives." You say into the radio earning a laugh from Seokmin and a scoff from Mingyu.

"Well, after doing around four tours for them, I bet you he got a raise in between." Mingyu states, making you smirk and shake your head at the small skit you guys are doing, looking over at Soonyoung.

"Who's next?"

He runs his finger down the list, landing on the fourth name. "Liam James," He reads out. "Lives just two streets from here. He did two tours in Iraq and Afghanistan before becoming a private contractor."

"To be honest, that just sounds like a fancy way of saying he became a hitman." Mingyu says over the radio making you snort.

"Let my rookie finish, please, Officer Kim."

"Sorry, sorry."

You gesture for Soonyoung to continue. "Some domestic priors with an ex-wife while he was still in the army but nothing since." You nod. "Kwon and I will take first point this time."

Seokmin and Mingyu chirp a 'copy' over the radio as you shift the gear into drive and head two streets down, with them keeping watch at the edge of the street. You reach the house, giving it a once over before turning to Soonyoung. "Alright, what's the game plan, Boot?"

"We knock on the door and see if he's home."

You raise an eyebrow. "And if he isn't?"

Soonyoung's eyes flit between you and the house. "Then we look for probable cause. If we find one — like a gun for example, we radio it in to Officer Lee and Officer Kim."

You nod. "Good, let's go."

The two of you hop out of the shop, walking towards the front door of the house. It looks almost like a summer home, white fresh paint on the walls, white picket fence as well as a blue roof. It looks exactly like one of the houses that a seasoned veteran would spend their money on. You gesture towards the door. "Go on." Soonyoung nods and clears his throat before giving the door three firm knocks on the door.

"Liam James?" Soonyoung shouts towards the door. "LAPD, we have a few questions to ask you." The door opens and a tall man in his 40s appears, dressed in denim jeans, a plaid shirt with a bomber jacket on. He looks shiftily between to the two of you.

"What do you want?" He asks gruffly.

"LAPD, sir," Soonyoung starts, flashing his badge. "We'd just like to ask, where you were this morning around 11am?"

The older man looks between the two of you before huffing out a chuckle, making you raise an eyebrow. "That's an ominous question." Liam says, glancing suspiciously between the two of you as a wary smile appears on his face. "Why'd you need to know?"

"There was a sniper shooting this morning." You simply say, making Liam click his tongue in recognition.

"Ah, yeah, heard that on the 1pm news just now and because of my background, you guys came to see me." You nod, noticing him shift on his feet, a nervous tick that you silently take note of as he looks directly at your rookie.

"Your question actually has some irony to it because I was at the gun club just a few blocks from there."

Soonyoungs' eyes flit to you for a second, looking back at the suspicious man as you plaster on a small smile. "Lucky us then," You reply, your tone even. "Got any proof of that, Sir?"

Liam nods. "I think I have a receipt for some ammo and a new gun that I bought. Let me go in and get it."

You nod, stepping forward slightly, "Mind if we step inside, sir?" You say, your voice feigning cheerily. "It's really hot out today and we've been looking for this guy since this morning."

He looks between the two of you, his face unreadable. "I do actually," Liam says, closing the door a few more centimeters to prevent you from peering inside. "But, I'll be out in a second." He gives you one last smile before disappearing and closing the door behind him.

As soon as the door closes, Soonyoung whips around to you, his eyes wide. "I'm getting a vibe."

"Good," You curtly reply, your eyes narrowing at the door. "At least your instincts are working." His eye twitches a little, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at your tone and sarcasm. "His alibi is pretty solid though." You hum out, peering into his living room through the side windows.

Soonyoung nods at your words as he follows your gaze, scanning the living room with you. "Gives him a reason to be in the vicinity but his vibe is really off." You hum at his words, the gears in your head turning as you pull out your walkie talkie. "Officer Kim? Officer Lee?" You say into the walkie.

There was some static but all you were met with was silence, making you frown, "Gyu? Seok?" Still no reply.

"Er, Ma'am?" Soonyoung calls out to you, making you look over at him, your walkie talkie still in hand. Soonyoung peers into the house through the translucent and semi-opaque windows before pulling out his gun. You watch, your eyebrows furrowing before he gestures for you to look inside. Turning to where he gestured, you see a rifle propped up against the cabinet near the front door, making your eyes widen.

"That gives us probable cause, right?" Soonyoung whispers to you, which makes you nod, stashing your walkie and pulling out your own gun. "Should we call for backup?"

"Signal isn't going through." You say, your voice hard as your heart starts to race. You take a step back, gun still in hand as you scan the house before something glints on the top of the roof, catching your eye.

"Kwon," You call, getting Soonyoung's attention as you squint. "Is that what I think it is?" Soonyoung squints the sunlight out of his eyes as his gaze flits around the rooftop, before narrowing on the object on the roof.

"Yep," He confirms, visibly grimacing. "It's a signal jammer."

"Fuck." You curse, your blood pumping faster as you run through a million scenarios in your head.

On one hand, you knew that this guy was armed and dangerous, waiting for backup is the smart thing to do. Not to mention that you had promised your fellow TOs that you would wait for them if something goes wrong. Prior to hitting the streets, the three of you came up with a plan. As house visits were meant to be wrapped up fast, it shouldn't take more than ten minutes per house unless something goes awry. If it does go awry, the other two officers would rush down with their rookies to check whether everything is alright.

You glance at your watch. Seven minutes had passed. You calculate the probabilities in your head, before making a decision that you are sure is going to come back and bite you in the ass.

"Here's the plan." You tell Soonyoung sternly. "According to the plan, Lee and Kim will come in three minutes but by how calculated this guy is, he might disappear the second they get here and we can't afford to lose him due to his backup plans upon backup plans." You point out, running through the points. "So, we take the probable cause and we start the timer for three minutes. No matter what happens, we stall." Your eyes flit between Soonyoungs'. "Understood?" He visibly swallows before nodding. You give him a curt nod as you hold up your gun higher and use your free hand to open the door.

Stepping into Liam's house, you peer at the rifle before gazing into the living room, the first room of the house. "I told you to wait outside." Liam says, his tone serious and angry as you step forward, meeting him halfway in the middle of his living room, your gun pointing straight at his chest.

"Sir." You say, your voice low as you noticed his hands wedged into his pocket. "I'm going to need you to show us your hands."

Liam lets out a chuckle in disbelief, "This is a mistake." He spits out, looking between you and Soonyoung, "I have the receipt for the stuff right here." He holds out the piece of paper towards you as you take a step back, making his arm falter.

"And we will get to that sir. But right now, my training officer has asked you to show us your hands."

Liam's eyes flit between you and Soonyoung before he lets out an exhale of disappointment, shaking his head. "You really don't want me to do that," He warns the two of you, making your eyes narrow.

"We'll be the judge of that." You narrow your gaze, aiming your gun at his shoulder. "I'm only going to say this one last time," You say, your voice even as you enunciate each word. "Show. Us. Your. Hands."

Liam chuckles lowly before his face twists into something more menacing as he shrugs. "Fine," he barks out. "But you asked for this." Everything happens in a split second.

Before you can even react, Liam pulls out a pistol from his pocket which makes your eyes widen. "GET DOWN!" You yell at Soonyoung, diving behind the coffee table as Liam pelts bullets into both your directions. Your eyes close tightly on instinct, placing your hands above your face to shield it from the concrete wall shavings and wood splinters flying your way. The clicks of the gun trigger fades down the hallway but the shots continue, making your blood rush as you feel the adrenaline coursing through your veins.

You peer above the coffee table, scanning the room till you notice Liam standing behind the connecting wall of the living room and the kitchen, making you scowl as you fire a few shots at said wall, missing him by a few millimeters. You continue to fire and duck before looking to your left to see Soonyoung on the floor, cowering behind the display cabinet near the front door.

Soonyoung whose gun is near his thighs, not a single bullet fired as he peers from behind the cabinet every few seconds while his hands shake uncontrollably as he looks as paralyzed as he was this afternoon. His chest heaves, making you curse under your breath as Mingyu and Seokmin's words flash in your mind. Their concerns had come true at this very instance.

"OFFICER KWON!" You yell out over the shots, making him look directly into your eyes as you pelt a few more bullets into the wall. "IF YOU DO NOT FUCKING GET UP AND ENGAGE THE SUSPECT—" You pelt a few more bullets up at the suspect, letting the threat fall on his ears as you duck down and meet his gaze again, hard. "GET THE FUCK UP, KWON SOONYOUNG!"

Soonyoung continues to blankly stare at you as you reload your gun with your spare clip, watching from the corner of your eye as Liam moves even further towards the backdoor. Your blood runs cold as panic ensues. If he gets to the back door, it's game over.

You faintly hear Mingyu and Seokmin's shops in the distance as they race down the road. The sirens should've placated your adrenaline rush, but all you could focus on, is the man moving closer and closer to his exit. Without a second thought, you lunge over the coffee table and run to the connecting wall that you were pelting bullets into, just a few minutes ago.

Your heart races as you duck behind any surface you can as Liam continues his assault of bullets, one of them grazing your shoulder and causing you to flinch in pain as you feel the sting and burn it leaves behind. You grit your teeth, continuing to run and duck as you reach the connecting wall, slamming your back hard against it as you try to catch your breath. The assault of bullets cease, making you peer around the wall to catch a glimpse of Liam reloading his gun as he makes a break for the kitchen counter. Your eyes narrow as you fire a few rounds at him, cursing as he manages to evade them. He ducks behind the kitchen counter, his escape route through the backdoor almost clear, making your heart pound in your ears. Liam fires a few shots back at you without looking up, making you crouch even further behind the wall to check your clip.

Two bullets left.

"Fuck my life." You mutter lowly. "Liam! It's going to be really bad for you in about thirty seconds." You shout, hearing him scuffle behind the kitchen counter.

"You're going to have more cops out there than you can handle." You shout, wincing as you feel a spike of pain from the bullet graze, your adrenaline waning as your heart rate starts to slow down. "You'll have an easier time with the DA if you surrender now because if you kill an officer, you'll never see outside of the four gray walls ever again." You reason, trying to get him to relent.

"Shut up you bitch!" Liam yells before firing a few more rounds as you making you shelter yourself behind the wall. "I rather die than go to prison."

You click your tongue, "I don't know about that, Liam!" You say calmly, trying to push him to talk more. "If you shoot me, my rookie will have to put a bullet between your eyes. I'll be pissed off and have to take a few weeks to recover but you?" You chuckle lowly. "Will never see the light of day again."

You hear him bark out a laugh, "You mean the guy who hasn't fired a single bullet at me?" You tune into the sound of his voice as you slowly round the wall and walk towards the counter as quietly as you can as he continues with a scoff. "Yeah, right, sweetheart." You grimace at the pet name, feeling your blood boil slightly at it. "I bet he's cowering behind the display shelf isn't he? What a rookie you raised." He chuckles mockingly, as you reach the counter before jumping over it and pointing your gun dead center between his brows, making his eyes light up with shock as he stares at you.

"It's his first day." You shrug,nonchalantly as you keep your hand still, never wavering, "But it'll be your last, the second you reach for the gun again." You harden your gaze on him. "Drop it." You say calmly, your tone even and hard. Liam's gaze switches between meeting yours, eyeing the gun in your hand and his that is pointing towards the floor.

There's silence for a beat before he sighs and throws the gun to the side, raising his hands in surrender as he give you a condescending smile. "Alright, sweetheart," He says,"You're smart, I'll give you that." You narrow your gaze before his eyes widen like a madman, "But not smart enough."

Before you could even think, he swipes his feet under yours, knocking you off your feet and the air in your lungs as you choke on your shock and saliva. Liam quickly jumps to his feet as he whistles lowly and steps his boot onto your wrist, crushing it as you let out a yell of pain.

He gives you a sick smile as he picks up the gun from your hand with no push back and crushes your wrist harder under his boot making you gasp from the pain. Liam cocks his head to the side, in mock sympathy. "Poor you," he coos out, his voice laced with fake honey, "This is what happens when they put women in command, sweetheart." He chuckles lowly, shaking his head. "You ladies all think that you're smarter and better than us but working in the government is a man's job, darling."

You grit your teeth at his words as he applies even more pressure on your wrist and leans in closer, leveling the gun with your face. "Such a shame that I have to kill you." He clicks his tongue, "You really do have a pretty face." His smile widens as your blood runs cold.

This is it. You had let your ego get in the way and you were never going to see your friends or Minghao again. You brace for impact, closing your eyes as you hear him cock the gun before hearing a shot.

The gunshot rings loudly in your ears as you feel the pressure on your wrist immediately fade. Muffled voices come from behind you before Minghao appears by your side, his eyes wide with concern as his mouth moves too fast for you to catch what he is saying while he sheathes his gun back into his holder.

"Pixie." He breaths out, his voice getting clearer and clearer as each second passes. "Chwe!" He yells, almost out of breath. "Request for an RA and an ambulance now!"

You hear a thousand different dialogues going on as Minghao gets you to try and focus on him. "Suspect in custody, requesting for an RA and ambulance to our location, over." You hear Vernon briskly say as Minghao accesses you for damage as he mutters on about how stupid you are. He freezes, seeing your shoulder and grimaces at the amount of blood there was, seeping through your uniform.

"Nova!" You hear Mingyu and Seokmin's footsteps before you see them, as they crouch in front of you, just behind Minghao who's still holding your face between his hands as his eyes flit around your face.

"I can't tell if she has a concussion." Minghao says, his voice cracking slightly. "Pixie, can you hear me?" You blink, feeling your body start to crash from the adrenaline as your head starts to unfog, watching Seokmin chew on his bottom lip.

"I think she's in shock, Hao." He says before Mingyu gets your attention.

"Blink twice if you can hear us, Nova." Mingyu says, concern lacing his voice as you respond by blinking twice along with a shaky exhale.

"I'm—" You manage to choke out, feeling all your senses returning as your body aches and your wrist throbs, "I'm okay." You breathe out, causing Minghao to let out a shaky exhale before he pulls you straight into his chest. Your head collides into his shoulder as he chokes back a sob, making your heart clench as he squeezes you tighter into him, not caring who is watching. "Hao…" You slowly say as you run a hand soothingly down his back as you meet Mingyu and Seokmin's eyes which are swirling with relief.

"Fuck you, Pixie." He spits out into your shoulder, "I thought you were gone." Your heart clenches a little more as you slowly push yourself out of his embrace to look him in the eyes.

"Hao," you say gently, coaxing the boy to lock eyes with you. "Look at me." He looks at you and your chest drops at how broken and empty his eyes look. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that." You whisper out as you try for a small smile. "But I'm okay, you saved me." You let out a shaky breath, teething on the edge of sobbing as the shock hits you fully. "Thank you for saving me."

Minghao gnaws on his bottom lip as you let a few tears fall, sobbing slightly making him pull you back into his chest as he runs a hand through your hair. "I'm here." He says quietly, gently kissing your hair as you soak his uniform. "You're safe."

Minghao doesn't leave your side once, even as you're getting patched up for the bullet graze as the paramedics check you for any other injuries, clearing you from all signs of a concussion. "You're very lucky." The paramedic tells you, eyeing you as she cleans the bullet graze. "A couple more centimeters to the left and it would've hit you in the neck."

You felt lucky. You knew that if Minghao and the rest were even a second later, you would've died. Minghao's hand holds yours as they check your wrist before placing it in a small brace, ruling it as a bad sprain that would heal in a few days. You thank them, looking at your brother as he fills you in.

Seokmin and Mingyu requested backup the second they heard the gun, but due to the shots getting fired, they had no clear way to enter.

Minghao, who was in the stakeout truck, immediately rushed over without a second thought. They formed a quick plan for Seokmin, Mingyu and their respective rookies to secure the back of the house just in case the suspect ran. Minghao and Vernon took the front, waiting for the right time to enter. But the moment Minghao heard your scream, he lost all sense of the entire plan, running inside and firing into Liam's shoulder.

Minghao stays quiet for a beat after finishing his retelling, making you take a few sips of water from a plastic bottle that Minghao got from his shop. "Slowly." He chastises as you gulp down, not noticing how dehydrated you are. "You're going to choke." You resist the urge to roll your eyes, knowing that Minghao is doting on you because you nearly died in front of him.

After you get patched up, Minghao insists on driving the shop back to the station for debrief. "Don't we need to get Kwon?" You ask, slipping into shotgun as Minghao scowls.

"I asked Mingyu and Seokmin to take him back to the station." He levels you with a gaze before starting up the car as you slump into the seat. "You're going to wash him out, right?" Minghao asks after a few beats of silence. "You kind of have to at this point."

You chew your bottom lip, "I don't know, Hao." You softly say, making Minghao let out a scoff of disbelief.

"You're kidding, Pixie." He says, his tone incredulous. "You've washed out rookies for less!" He bites out, his voice getting louder and louder with each word as they're laced with more and more venom.

"It's not that simple, Hao." You shoot back, your voice low as Minghao snorts.

"Pixie, it's as simple as riding a fucking bike." He spits back, his fingers squeezing the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles start to turn white. "He's clearly going through a midlife crisis of becoming a cop. He was a fucking idol for godsake!" He laughs, not a single trace of humour in it as he rambles on. "He may have gotten good scores, Nova, but that doesn't change the fact that he almost let you die and didn't have your back." He briefly locks eyes with you through the rear-view mirror before looking back at the road. "I have your back if you need to wash him out so please, Nova." He lets out a quiet exhale, "Don't be a hero and try to train the impossible rookie."

You let silence envelop the shop as you take in Minghao's words. He is right. You had washed out rookies for less and over smaller mistakes. This situation is different though. The consequences of you washing out this rookie are different.

Kwon Soonyoung has a tie to your career that either means you keep getting to do what you love or risk loosing it all because he was not prepared. If you'd place both options on a scale, you honestly wouldn't know where it titled to more. Lady luck is not on your side either way.

"Pixie." Minghao breathes out, shaking you out of your thoughts. "What are you keeping from me?" He asks, his low voice making your heart clench slightly.

You could tell him. Keeping it from him even for just the past shift was already making his perception of you change. You don't know how to tell him that Soonyoung needs to pass by any means necessary in order for you to keep this job. You live and breathe this job and no one knows that better than him. But you also know that he would force you to take all the easy calls, or that he would fight tooth and nail to get the rookie transferred to him because there is no consequences for him, and you simply can't let that happen.

"I'm not hiding anything, Hao." You say, your voice calmer than you thought it would be as you gaze out the window, the streets of Los Angeles whizzing by as you refuse to meet his eyes. "Can we please, just get back to the station for debrief?"

Minghao lets out a sigh, sounding like he wants to argue but nothing comes as he continues driving. You spend the rest of the way back in silence as you try not to let your exhaustion get the better of you and fall asleep in the shop, opting to just crash in your bed later after getting a cup of hot chamomile tea and a shower.

You and Minghao hop out of the shop and go straight to the meeting room where you are met with Seungcheol's stern gaze as he stands at the front door of the meeting room. You feel uneasy as he accesses you from top to bottom, an unreadable expression on his face with his arms crossed.

You tiredly brace for impact as he meets your gaze. "Glad to see you're alive." Seungcheol says, his voice even, "I also see that your rookie came back earlier without you." You swallow, opening your mouth to respond when Minghao beats you to it.

"I told Kwon to ride with Kim back to the station." His tone eerily even as he takes a quick sharp glance at you. "I needed Nova to debrief me in the car so I drove the shop back and we took the scenic route to have more time."

Seungcheol looks between the two of you before sighing and shaking his head, "I expect your reports on my desk before the end of shift." He relents, walking into the briefing room as you trail in after him with Minghao behind you.

You meet Soonyoung's gaze as soon as you walk through the door and notice the way his face pales as he immediately breaks eye contact and fiddles with his fingers. His face is filled with regret that makes your blood boil at the thought of him cowering behind the desk. Clenching your fist, you take your seat between Mingyu and Seokmin who share an uneasy glance at the obvious growing tension between you and Minghao.

The debrief goes quickly. You opt to stay quiet for most of it, only filling in the parts you need to before the shift ends. You stand up and walk out of the meeting room when Seungcheol's voice stops you as he calls Soonyoung, a tense tone in his voice.

You opt to stay quiet for most of it and only filling in the parts you needed to before the shift ends. You stand up and walk out of the meeting room when Seungcheol's voice stops you as he calls Soonyoung, a tense tone in his voice. You watch from the outside as Seungcheol slowly walks over to your rookie, his gaze hard with his arms crossed.

"I hear you left your training officer to fend for herself." Seungcheol says, his voice low. If looks could kill, Soonyoung would probably be six-feet under with how intensely he looks at him.

Soonyoung swallows, "Sir, I—" Seungcheol holds up a hand, interrupting Soonyoung before he could start rambling.

"Save it," Seungcheol hisses out. "I don't need your explanations or excuses, Officer Kwon. I will know all the reasons as soon as your TO gives me the report later." He steps closer to Soonyoung. "And if she writes something just a little out of place," He quietly threatens. "You're done, Officer Kwon."

Soonyoung nods grimly before Seungcheol shoos him away, making him walk out of the room, his head hung low before he almost runs into you with your arms crossed and an unreadable look on your face.

The two of you stare at each other for a beat before Soonyoung clears his throat, "Ma'am." He starts, his voice soft as he takes a deep breath. "I just wanted to say that whatever you write in the report, I take full responsibility." You don't respond, opting to let him continue. "I know I let you down today. You gave me a shot and I screwed it up." Soonyoung locks eyes with you, "But if by some grace of some God out there that I make it through till tomorrow. I promise you that I'll be the best rookie that you ever have."

You let his words fall into the silence surrounding the two of you, letting it sit there as you let the guilt in his heart stew a little longer. "I'm not going to fire you, Officer Kwon."

His eyes widen at that. "What?" He sputters out, not doing anything to mask his shock.

"Don't get me wrong, Kwon." You say, your voice tense and low, "I should be firing you for the stunt that you pulled off today. Whatever you did and didn't do at the sniper's house just proves to me that you are a liability to the department and to me." You shake your head as you let out a bitter chuckle before narrowing your gaze on him. "But I want you to admit it to yourself."

Soonyoung hesitates as you take a step closer towards him. "You're going to walk in here tomorrow and quit because you won't be able to get any sleep tonight." You tell him, your voice low, "Because the events of today will haunt you and eat away at you until you have no choice but to quit."

You take a few steps backwards, almost walking off when Soonyoung stops you.

"Why don't you just fire me then?" He says, his voice slightly bitter and low making your jaw clench.

"I'm trying to save you from the shame and ridicule, Officer Kwon." You bark out a curt laugh. "There is honour in resigning and realizing that you aren't up for this job. That this is just a walking mid-life crisis moment that will either get you or me killed." You spit out, walking closer to him before jabbing a finger into his chest. "Because if you get fired from this job, what's next, Kwon Soonyoung?"

You let the words sink in before shooting back more, "Go back to being an idol? Live a quiet life?" You spit out, venom lacing every word. "You will have nothing." You say, your tone hard and tense, before dropping your hand and shaking your head. "And haven't you been through enough of that for just one lifetime?"

Soonyoung doesn't reply you, opting to just stare at you with an unreadable expression on his face. "I figured." You mutter, taking a step back. "Goodnight, Kwon Soonyoung." You curtly say, "It was nice to meet you." With those words, you turn on your heel and walk away, leaving Soonyoung by himself to deal with the aftermath of your words.

REPORT 2 OF 546 - THE FIREBALL OF SECOND CHANCES

You feel a migraine coming on as soon as you walk into the locker room, slightly later than you normally would. Everyone had given you funny looks on the way in and you can't blame them, you look like straight death.

You didn't get as much sleep as you thought you would last night. You had gone home and locked yourself in your room, barely saying a word to Minghao who didn't say anything to you either, not that you expected him to. During your arguments or disagreements, there are always a few days of silence and no interactions between the two of you. Having grown up in the same household for majority of your adolescent to teenage years, you both realized that the best way to deal with fights or disagreements was to give each other space until one was ready to talk without wanting to throw something at the other.

This decision was made because the last time you and Minghao had tried to solve a fight, only a couple of hours after you had it, a few cups had broke from the pillows thrown across the room at each other. Minghao was always the calmer one of the two of you, keeping himself in check with his meditation and tea, which meant he would normally be the first to calm down and talk to you.

However, this time around, you are sure that Minghao is adamant on not speaking to you until you come to him first. Minghao had a couple of old rules that he used to ground himself with. One of them being that if you'd lie to him and cause a fight, he wouldn't be the one to break the silence.

You sigh, opening your locker before a frown makes it way onto your lips as an old picture of you and Minghao taken during your rookie days blatantly stares back at you, making you nearly slam your head into the locker door. You hold off on that sentiment though, opting to freshen yourself up before putting on your uniform and walking out the door. You walk to your desk to gather some paper work when you hear someone clearing their throat beside you. You look to your right to see Seungcheol standing there with his arms crossed in-front of his chest.

"Got a second, Nova?" He asks making you nod as he gestures you to follow him into his office, closing the door behind him after you enter. You stand with your hands behind your back as he stands in-front of you and accesses you for a beat, his eyes flitting around your face. "Rough night?" He asks making your eyes widen slightly before you mask it almost immediately by shaking your head.

"No, sir." You state, making Seungcheol's eyebrow raise before he goes to sit at his desk.

"Take a seat Nova, I have a few questions about the report that you submitted last night." A small 'Oh' escapes your mouth before you can stop it, making Seungcheol look at you, his gaze hard. "Would that be an issue?"

You awkwardly clear your throat. "No sir." You say, trying to make your tone as even as possible as you take a seat. "By all means, please ask away."

Seungcheol stares at you for a few seconds before placing two reports in-front of you, one being yours and the other being Minghao's. "When I was reading yours and Officer Xu's report last night, I couldn't help but notice a couple of discrepancies between the two of you." He raises a hand slightly, "Now, don't get me wrong, officers do have different ways of doing the incident report but the main incidents are normally the same, the only discrepancies being just the way they write it. Overall, the gist of the report doesn't change." He uses both hands to point at the report summary that you and Minghao had written. "The two of you however," He starts, his tone serious. "Seem to have different opinions on what actually happened in the house."

You feel your mouth dry up as you stare at the two different report summaries, running through a million thoughts in your head. When you were writing your summary last night, you had opted to not mention anything about Soonyoung's second panic attack or him leaving you to fight for yourself and just wrote that you had tried a different approach to put yourself in harms way instead of him.

Minghao, on the other-hand, had written the truth and nothing but the truth. He had written about how Soonyoung didn't fire a single shot at the suspect and did nothing to stop the misogynistic words coming out of the suspects mouth and had opted to do nothing while you were getting hurt. You continue to stare at the reports, not knowing what to say. Seungcheol sighs in frustration, "Nova." He starts, his serious tone making you peer up at him sheepishly, meeting his unamused face. "Did you or did you not intentionally lie on your report?"

You chew your bottom lip, "I may have exaggerated the truth slightly?" Is all your brain can come up with, making Seungcheol sigh as he presses two fingers at the bridge of his nose with his eyes closed.

"And why would you do that?" You keep quiet at that, making Seungcheol lock eyes with you as his jaw clenches slightly, "Well?" He asks, getting impatient which makes you sigh.

"Because if I had written that in the report, I would've been forced to wash him out." You mumble out, making Seungcheol's frown deepen even more.

"Instead you told him off last night outside the briefing room to try and get him to quit this morning." Seungcheol pieces together, making you nod. He stares at you in disbelief, leaving you to sputter out reassurances.

"On the bright side, I think he's coming to quit today and I need you to not stop him."

Seungcheol stares at you for a second longer before leaning back in his chair slightly. "Nova," He starts, a slight edge to his tone, stopping you in the middle of your ramble. "Did you purposely put yourself in danger so that you could get him to quit?"

Your eyes widen at Seungcheol's accusations. "What the hell?" You sputter out, unsure if you heard him right. "Are you seriously asking me if I risked my life to give Kwon Soonyoung a heart attack and get him to quit?" You ask, your tone strained as you give Seungcheol a once over in disbelief. "Do you really think I would do something like that?"

Seungcheol clicks his tongue as he eyes you carefully, as if he's calculating his words. "Given your explanation and how you risked everything yesterday after you promised both Officer Kim and Lee that you would call for backup, with you lying on your report, putting yourself in a situation when there were a hundred other ways to solve it given your training and adaptability…" Seungcheol trails off, shaking his head, "I don't know what to think, Nova. I've never seen you like this."

You feel your heart sink lower and lower into your stomach at every word that comes out of Seungcheol's mouth. He is right. You've never lied on a report, there were a hundred different ways you could have handled yesterday and you know because you ran through all the scenarios in your head. However, only one of them gave you the highest percentage of Kwon Soonyoung walking out and realizing that he wasn't cut out for this job.

You could've gone with Nova or yourself and you went with Nova. "Sarge." You say after finding your voice and resolve, "My job is on the line." You say, your voice strained, bitterness lacing every word. "I've had to work twice as hard as any other officer here, Seungcheol." Your eyes locking with the older man, "I have to make sure that every report is written to expectation, that every case I take is flawless because that was just the hand that was handed to be because of my gender, Sarge."

You let out a bitter laugh. "But because I am ruthless when I have to be, that I take no bullshit and train the rookies after me to be the best of the best especially if they're girls, I get handed a shitty hand because my wash out rate is too high." You take a shaky inhale of a breath, feeling your chest tighten. "So, if Kwon Soonyoung walks in here with the intention to quit today, I beg of you to please let him." You say, your voice softer than it has been since you had entered the office. "I need this, Seungcheol, more than anything."

Seungcheol stares at you, his expression softening from what it was a few moments ago. His heart aches for you. Of course he knows that you had worked harder for than anyone else for this opportunity. It was evident when he had met you on that first day of the academy. You, bright-eyed, nudging Minghao at every single relic or clipping that was on the wall, ecstatic and not believing that you were finally here.

He remembers all the boys mocking you behind your back as they watched you that first day, how you were the only girl in the class which automatically put you at the bottom of the food chain without even giving you a chance. However, his favourite moment from that was how you proved all those boys wrong that very day in combat class. You had gone against every single one of those assholes and flipped them over as if they weighed nothing, effectively knocking out more than just the wind in their lungs and the smug smiles on their faces.

You had also effectively knocked out everyone's perspective of you, replacing it with the hard determination on your face as you looked around the room, an eyebrow raised as you wondered aloud who wanted to go next. He was so glad that he decided to take the assistant teaching role for that class because he hasn't seen something as amazing as that before then. Now, as he stares at you, that memory at the back of his mind, he sees the same girl with the same quiet resolve. Except, now, it is slowly breaking before his eyes. The girl, who made everyone jump out of their skin at just the thought of her, was looking at him as if she was about to lose everything, just because of a bad dice roll that was handed to her.

There is only one right choice.

He calls out your name softly, grounding you slightly as you continue to stare at him as he studies you for a beat. "If he does step into my office to quit," Seungcheol lets out a slow exhale, "I will let him."

You feel your heart skip a beat at his words, your eyes widening as you open your mouth to thank him. He holds out a hand, stopping you.

"However, if he does not quit today, or any other day, I need you to promise me that you won't treat him as if he's some lost case, Nova." He says sternly, his eyes boring into yours with a fiery look in them, "Because if he's as stubborn as you, Nova, the minute you give the guy an expiration date, he will try his very best to prove to you that he's worth it which will lead to stupid and reckless decisions."

He glances down at the reports on the table before flitting his eyes back to yours. "And I think one case filled with stupid and reckless decisions during the first month of his probation is enough, don't you think?"

You swallow at the intensity of Seungcheol's words as you slowly nod, still digesting them slightly. Seungcheol gives you an unreadable look, "He had top scores at the academy for a reason, Nova. If you give him the proper training instead of throwing him into the deep end of your cases, he will definitely get over this mental block that is stopping you from turning him into the best rookie that you've ever trained."

He lowers his voice down to a whisper, "Remember what it was like to be in his shoes, Nova."

You feel your heart in your throat as you digest his words. Seungcheol looks out to the right of his office and whatever he sees makes one of his eyebrows raise making you blink at him, slightly confused.

"Looks like you have your work cut out for you, Nova." He says softly, his eyes never leaving the sight. You whip your head to the left, eyebrows furrowing at his words before your eyes widen at what's in front of you.

Because Kwon Soonyoung is standing there, grabbing the war bags and talking to the logistics people as if your ultimatum yesterday meant absolutely nothing to the man. He has a neutral expression on his face, wearing his rookie uniform as he taps his fingers against the desk, waiting for the rest of the equipment, and you feel your heart drop slightly.

"Well," Seungcheol says, getting your attention back to him as he takes the paperwork from you. "I'll help you and Xu adjust the inconsistencies in your reports." He glances up at you, his eyes glinting, a small smile on his face, "Get out there and make good on your promise."

You can't help but let yourself gawk at the man in front of you as he shoos you out of his office. "You're dismissed." He simply says, pushing you out and closing the door behind you as the blinds knock against the glass door.

You internally curse at the older man before turning to face your thirteenth reason why, who has just placed the body-cam over his uniform and turned it on as you taught him the day before. You storm up to him, the words already on your tongue before your mind could process them.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Kwon Soonyoung?"

Soonyoung turns and lock eyes with you, his expression unchanging even as you storm up to him, looking at him as if he should be anywhere but here.

"Ma'am." He greets, utterly ignoring your words from before as your eyes narrow on his. "Don't 'Ma'am' me, Boot. Didn't I specifically tell you what would happen to you if you didn't turn in your papers?" You spit out, venom lacing every word.

"Then cut me." Soonyoung replies, without wasting a single beat, his answer resonating in your mind as his tone cut through your venomous one. He is filled with determination as he stares at you. You stare at him, pressing your tongue to the edge of your cheek as he levels you with his determined gaze, "I know you think I'm some privileged train wreck that sued his way into this department just because he wanted to play dress up, but I'm not." He says firmly.

"I'm here because I have to do this," He says, his voice never wavering, his expression not changing, "Because I can't live with myself if anyone else goes through the same thing that I have."

You stare at him, feeling your blood boil slightly as his selfless nature shines through his words. You bite the inside of your cheek, letting out a small groan as you look towards the older man, whose eyes you can feel, burning holes in the back of your head.

Seungcheol looks at you, his eyes glinting slightly and a small smile on his face before he shrugs his shoulders after you fix him with a silent glare. There's a debate happening inside you, your Nova persona fighting your true self, before you sigh internally and face your rookie. Letting yourself study him for a beat, you wonder if he just made this decision on a whim.

You internally curse when you realize how well-rested he looks compared to you, debating whether you did the right thing. Not that he knows that, of course. You pinch the bridge of your nose, closing your eyes, "Alright, Boot." You grit out through your teeth before you fix him with a hard expression, "If you're that committed to making me give you hell, I might as well make sure you can walk through fire."

You visibly see Soonyoung's posture relax as you narrow your eyes. "I just hope you aren't scared of getting burned." His eyes flit around your face before giving you a curt nod. "If that's what it takes to get you to believe me," he starts, "I'll gladly take every fireball you throw my way."

You scoff at his words, watching a small smile appear on his face, his serious facade breaking slightly as you resist the urge to roll your eyes, "Go set up our shop then, Boot." You say, nudging your finger in the direction of the police lot, "Don't make me regret this."

He gives you a wider smile, the serious facade fading into something more him which made your heart crawl its way into your throat as you wonder what you had just signed yourself up for as he levels your gaze, "Yes, Ma'am."

REPORT 14 OF 546 - THE MOTOR POOL HIT

When Soonyoung had agreed to get through every fire filled obstacle you were determined to throw his way, he didn't actually think he would succeed. Whether it was by sheer dumb luck or some kind of determination, he would never know.

You had put him as the primary for every single call that the two of you took, meaning that he was the one making every decision and dealing with every single consequence. It had been smooth sailing so far, you actually giving him the chance to prove himself — although, you looked like you wanted to slam your head against the wall every time he made a mistake.

Again, whether it was by sheer dumb luck or some kind of grace by God himself, he made it through, with only a couple of parking misdemeanors, some minor drug cases and only one homicide case that was closed shut pretty fast with the help of Vernon and Minghao.

Yep, just typical two weeks as a police officer.

Truth be told, he had thought about quitting the second he had made his way into the apartment and collapsed, sprawled out face-down onto the couch. The events of the day kept replaying like an annoying b-list movie he couldn't get rid of.

Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you.

He shifts on the couch, closing his eyes as he took deep breaths like his therapist had told him.

Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you.

Deep breath in. Three gunshots. Deep breath out. Dead body. He feels his breathing start to quicken. Panic attack. He inhales a shaky breath. Bursting through the door. He exhales, lesser than he should've. More gunshots. He feels his heart start to pick up. You on the floor. He tries to stabilize his breathing as his body starts to shake. The guy standing over you, gun in his hand. He lets out a shaky breath, a sob on the tip of his tongue as it keeps replaying.

Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you. (Breathe in) Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you. (Breathe out) Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you. (Breathe in) Three gunshots, dead body, panic attack. Bursting through the door, more gunshots, you on the floor with the guy standing over you. (Breath out)

He feels his body start to shut down as everything around him muffles, his brain deciding to take a different turn, changing to the day his hands were stained red as he presses his palms over his ears, hearing everything and nothing. He doesn't know how long his spiral lasts for because when he snaps out of it, he is sitting on the floor instead of the couch, his knees tucked to his chest. Another development was that Jeonghan is there, clutching onto him like he is his lifeline as his eyes flit around Soonyoung's face, concern etched in them.

"Breathe, Hoshi." Jeonghan says, his voice cracking slightly as he notices the haze behind Soonyoung's eyes starting to fade. "I'm here." He voices out softly, running his hands up and down Soonyoung's arms.

Soonyoung takes in Jeonghan's appearance, noticing that he is still in his suit while his briefcase is beside him, looking as if it was tossed haphazardly. He had just come home, which meant that Soonyoung has been sitting here for nearly an hour, in his own spiral.

He feels Jeonghan get up and walk to the counter, but not before whispering to Soonyoung that he would be right back. A beat passes before he feels a tissue being dabbed around the corners of his eyes. Soonyoung was so in his head that he didn't realize his face was wet, his eyes swollen and he's been crying for the better part of his hour spiral.

The two sit in silence, the only noises breaking it being Soonyoung's sniffles and Jeonghan's small reassuring words of comfort that slowly ground him back to earth. Half an hour later, Soonyoung finds himself on their couch; fresh pizza and soft drinks on the table and Jeonghan by his side, flicking through Netflix, the two not saying a word to each other. Soonyoung watches Jeonghan flick through the channels, a little confused as to why he hasn't said anything until it lands on one of their favourite shows. Jeonghan clicks on it before opening the pizza box and fishing a slice out onto their disposable plates and passing it to Soonyoung without missing a beat.

Soonyoung finds himself staring at the plate, outstretched in Jeonghan's hand as he gnaws at his bottom lip. Jeonghan click his tongue, making Soonyoung look up at the older man who has an eyebrow raised. "Take the plate, Hoshi," Jeonghan says, reading Soonyoung almost immediately as he orders him to take it with a deadpanned tone. "My arm's getting tired."

Soonyoung resists the urge to hesitate even more, noticing Jeonghan's expression and takes the plate with a soft 'thank you'. Jeonghan scoops a piece of pizza for himself as the movie plays softly in the background, white noise as Soonyoung chews slowly on his pizza.

He eyes Jeonghan, who has his gaze fixed on the television screen, concentrating on the scene playing out as if they hadn't seen the movie over a thousand times together and could recite it word for word ever since they were young.

"Staring is impolite, you know." Jeonghan states, his gaze unmoving from the screen as Soonyoung jumps slightly at his voice. Jeonghan takes a bite of his pizza as Soonyoung blurts out the first thing on his mind. "You aren't going to ask?"

Jeonghan pauses mid-chew for five seconds, digesting his words before swallowing his food, turning to look at the blonde haired male with an unreadable expression on his face. "Are you going to tell me the truth if I do?" The dark haired male asks, setting the plate down onto his lap.

Soonyoung feels his heart rate pick up slightly, nervous at the expression on Jeonghan's face. Having grown up with Jeonghan, Soonyoung has gotten used to being able to read the older man whose habits hadn't changed one bit. However, Soonyoung forgets that Jeonghan also has one of the best poker faces known to mankind. One of the most needed points to be a good lawyer.

He studies Jeonghan for a second more, prolonging the inevitable to see if Jeonghan would break his facade slightly. When it seems like the poker face has decided to prevail, Soonyoung sighs before giving in, spilling everything to him.

Jeonghan sits there, not interrupting once as Soonyoung recalls all the information from the day, his voice cracking and wavering every time he mentions something that he did wrong. He feels a sob in his throat as he remembers what happened when he got home, telling him about his spiral as well as Seoyeon.

When Soonyoung finishes, his throat aches for water, his lungs gasping slightly for air as he stares at his cold half-eaten pizza on his lap. The room is quiet, the only noises coming from the television as Soonyoung gnaws on the inside of his cheek, awaiting Jeonghan's response. "Hoshi."

Soonyoung peers up at the older man slowly, the gentle tone of his voice paired with the nickname making Soonyoung's heart clench slightly. As soon as he locks eyes with the black haired man, his breath catches as he sees Jeonghan's eyes fill with tears.

"Hyung…" Soonyoung starts, speechless. Since they were young, he had only seen Jeonghan cry twice in his life. The day his pet rock went missing when he was seven — which they had found moments later underneath a pile of his clothes — and when Jeonghan had placed first during the bar exam. Never did Soonyoung expect Jeonghan to cry about this.

"Why are you crying?" Soonyoung asks, placing the plate on the table as he scoots closer to Jeonghan, who cleans the stray tears with the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

"I'm sorry for not noticing how bad your panic attacks are," Jeonghan said, placing his own plate on the table before fully turning to face Soonyoung, "I should've pushed harder for you to start next week instead." Soonyoung shakes his head immediately, "Stop that." Soonyoung chastised softly, "This isn't your fault, hyung. I needed to go and experience this today even though it fucking sucks like hell." He said, joking lightly, which makes Jeonghan let out a small watery laugh.

Soonyoung softens slightly, "I needed to do this, hyung, and honestly, no matter if I went this week or next week, the outcome would've been the same." He says, taking a shaky inhale, "I didn't think of how badly that night would affect me out on the street today."

They stay silent for a few moments, slowly digesting the different words said before Soonyoung sighs. "I need to find a way to get over that night."

"I think…" Jeonghan starts, hesitating slightly as his tongue darts out to swipe over his lip, "You need to forgive yourself first for what happened that night."

Soonyoung feels his heart lurch and the breath getting knocked out of his lungs at Jeonghan's words.

"It wasn't your fault, Hoshi." Jeonghan says gently, observing how Soonyoung had stilled. "You being twenty minutes late for that meetup had nothing to do with her death."

"But I could've stopped the guy." Soonyoung mutters out, making Jeonghan shake his head. "Or you could've died." "But-" "No." Jeonghan interrupts sternly, effectively shutting the younger man up. "Hoshi, you need to stop blaming yourself for the things that you can't control. So what if you were twenty minutes late that day, it wouldn't have stopped the person from executing their plan and killing her." His voice softens, "No matter how much we try to theorize how it would go, we can't know, Hoshi, and it really fucking sucks that we can't, but the important thing is that what we do after that." Jeonghan shifts on the couch, staring dead into Soonyoung's eyes before lifting up a finger. "Do we let the 'what ifs' stunt our growth or," He lifts up a second finger, "do we turn those 'what ifs' into new things for us to do, for us to continue to live for her?" Soonyoung feels his throat slowly close up at the words of his oldest friend, them sinking in harder that he thought they would. "We can't change the past, Hoshi." Jeonghan says softly, dropping his hands onto his lap, "but we can damn well make something of the present that will impact the future."

Soonyoung stares at Jeonghan, "No wonder you became a hot-shot lawyer," Soonyoung finds himself blurting out before his mind has a chance to catch up. Jeonghan blinks at the man, his eyes slightly wide in surprise before he lets out a snort.

"Only you would think to say that after the amazing speech I gave." Jeonghan says, shaking his head as he scoots backwards, away from Soonyoung. "That last line was really cheesy man, even you gotta admit that." "Fuck you," Jeonghan says, with no actual malice as Soonyoung lets out a snicker, "Last time I ever give you advice."

Soonyoung teasingly hums at that. "I don't think so… you love me too much to ever stop giving your old grandfatherly wisdom."

Soonyoung feels the pillow collide with his face before he could even see Jeonghan reach for it. Soonyoung sputters for a second, his back hitting the couch as Jeonghan laughs, a smirk on his face. "How's that for grandfatherly wisdom?"

Soonyoung rolls his eyes at the older mans antics, about to retort when Jeonghan asks, "So, what about the ultimatum?"

Soonyoung blinks at the man, his mouth suddenly drying up, "I don't know." Soonyoung answers honestly, "Maybe I'm not as cut out for the job as I think."

Jeonghan shakes his head at that, "That's bullshit, Hosh." Jeonghan says, his tone slightly deadpanned. Soonyoung shakes his head, about to retort but Jeonghan interrupts him once again. "Ignoring the fact that I haven't seen you this passionate about something in a long time, the fact that you were worried about it and that you keep thinking about it proves that you are cut out for this, Hoshi. If you didn't want it this much, you wouldn't have even tried as hard as you did today." Jeonghan's eyes glinted with a fiery glaze, "And that counts for something." He finishes firmly, making Soonyoung gnaw on the inside of his cheek.

"If you call it quits now, you're also proving this Nova lady or whatever right." Jeonghan narrows his eyes slightly at Soonyoung, "And I know you won't just let her psych you out into quitting, you're way too stubborn for that." Soonyoung scoffs, Jeonghan's words rolling about in his brain, making him take a step back and access the whole situation. "You're right." Soonyoung softly breaths out, "I need to do this." Jeonghan lets a small soft smile appear on his lips, "Atta boy." Jeonghan whispers out, resting his hand on Soonyoung's shoulder. "Thank you." Soonyoung says, his voice barely above a whisper, "For reminding me."

Jeonghan shrugs, "No worries." He hesitates for a second, a mischievous ghost of a smile on his lips, making Soonyoung raise an eyebrow, "If you really want to say 'thank you' though," Jeonghan clicks his tongue. "I accept cash and credit."

Soonyoung scoffs again before launching the forgotten pillow into Jeonghan's face, making the older man yelp in surprise as his back hits the edge of the couch, causing the boy to nearly fall off it. Soonyoung laughs. "Watch out, tiger boy," Jeonghan mutters out before bashing his friend in the head with another pillow. "Officer Kwon." Soonyoung snaps out of it when a snap appears in front of his face, clicking at him impatiently and making him look up to lock eyes with the watch commander.

"In another world, aren't you, Officer Kwon?" Seungcheol asks, his eyebrow raised as he locks eyes with Soonyoung, making some of the P2 officers snicker. Soonyoung clears his throat, "No, sir." He says, feeling a flush rise up from the back of his neck, "Was just thinking about how wonderful you look this morning."

Seungcheol's eyes narrow at his words, twitching slightly which makes Soonyoung give him an awkward smile. Seungcheol sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. Soonyoung takes the opportunity to glance at you and the other training officers. Mingyu and Seokmin are sitting side-by-side, giggling under the palms of their hands. Minghao has a small smirk on his face while you look like you are planning his funeral.

Upon meeting your eyes, glinting with that fiery spirit of yours, Soonyoung opts to stare back at the front and wait for Seungcheol to bite his head off instead. Anything was better than meeting that medusa gaze of yours. He internally shudders at the thought.

"Glad seeing me makes your morning, Officer Kwon." Seungcheol finally deadpans. "I can't give you the same sentiment though for being a major pain in my ass for the amount of paperwork on my desk because of your little incident last week." Soonyoung winces, remembering the incident before the pictures appear on the screen in front for the whole briefing room to see.

"Not one, not two, but three totaled police shops in a span of a week." Seungcheol announces, clicking through the different photos where Soonyoung had driven into a storefront, a hydrant, and off the side of a building respectively.

"In my defense, sir," Soonyoung starts sheepishly, pointing to the last photo where the shop had landed at the bottom of a 10-foot tall building, "Officer Nova and I didn't see the ambush coming during our stakeout." "And the person who created the word, rolls happily in their grave."

Soonyoung hears Seungkwan and Chan let out a quiet snicker beside him, making him internally sigh as he resists the urge to glare at them while Sergeant Choi continues to glare at him. He can also hear Mingyu let out a laugh before covering it with a cough as he hears you sigh, no doubt with your eyes closed as you grimace at the rookie. A look that Soonyoung has seen one too many times during the two weeks of being your rookie.

"The motor pool have decided to put a hit on you if you destroy the next one that they're giving to you today." Seungcheol states, turning the presentation off and giving Soonyoung a stern look, "And their punishment is going to be worse than whatever you're conjuring up in your head at the moment." Soonyoung gives Seungcheol another sheepish smile before murmuring out. "Understood, sir."

Seungcheol stares at Soonyoung for another beat before walking back to the stand in the middle of the room. "Alright," Seungcheol says, clapping his hands together. "Do some good work out there."

A few murmurs fill the room before the scrapping of chairs ring out as everyone moves out of the room. Soonyoung takes a shaky inhale before standing up and turning to face you, already behind his chair with your arms crossed, making him jump. "Jesus." Soonyoung gasps, placing his hand on his chest as you raise an eyebrow at him, a ghost of a smirk on your face. "How did you get here?"

"I walked, Riot." You say, your eyes glinting slightly with amusement. "Something that you would need to start doing if you wreck the new shop today." "Which won't happen." Soonyoung chirps out, more confident than what you are used to, making you roll your eyes.

"And you wonder why your nickname is still Riot." You deadpan out before walking out of the briefing room. "Shop ready in 5, Officer Kwon." You call out, raising your hand, all five fingers pointing upwards. "I need to start with a cup of oolong tea if you decide to Mission Impossible our car again." "Thank you for the vote of confidence." Soonyoung mutters to himself before scurrying out of the briefing room to get the war bags.

You decided to let Soonyoung drive as sort of a peace offering after the first two days of hell training you had put him through. You were always the one with your hands on the wheels but after a few talks with Mingyu and Seokmin about easing off of him a little, you decided to change your tactics slightly. Unconventional rookie means unconventional approaches, right?

Which is why during the start of the second week, to switch it up, you let him drive for the whole week — which lead to the mess of the second week.

Given the track record, Soonyoung expected you to take the wheel again after the disastrous week he had behind the wheel. Which is exactly why his expression right now is comparable to a fish out of water as he sees you slide into shotgun with your fresh cup of pipping hot oolong tea.

Seungkwan, who was walking past with his own war bags in hand, stops by Soonyoung's side. "You're going to catch flies." He states, almost monotonous but with an edge of amusement that makes Soonyoung snap his mouth shut. "What's with the face?"

"She's sitting in shotgun." Soonyoung simply states, before scurrying to the drivers seat as you meet his gaze through the side-view mirror, eyebrows raised as if to ask, 'What are you waiting for' or 'Get the fuck in before I plan your funeral'. He hopes it's the former and not the latter because you're still hard to read.

Seungkwan looks over at you in shotgun where you meet his eye, your medusa gaze making him pale as Vernon and Chan walk up to his side. "Why do you look like a ghost?" Vernon asks, eyeing his best friend up and down as he watches Seungkwan swallow uneasily. "Just got reminded of why she's medusa is all." Soonyoung hears Chan's snort before climbing into the vehicle which blocks out the remainder of their conversation. "Having fun?" You snark out, taking a sip of the tea in your hand. "No, just thinking of whether you have nine lives since you're letting me drive again." Soonyoung states, his mouth moving before his brain even has a chance to process what he is saying. You pause mid-sip to meet his eyes, narrowing slightly, "Are you comparing me to a cat, Officer Kwon?" You ask, your voice low and dangerous. Soonyoung curses internally, shaking his head quickly.

"Maybe more of a panther instead of a cat, Ma'am." Soonyoung says, once again without thinking as he digs himself further into the metaphorical hole. He curses again. He really needs to stop doing that. He watches your eyes narrow even more, your lips pursed as he awaits for you to bite his head off.

"Boot." Soonyoung hesitates. "Yeah?" "I think you better start driving before you say something else that makes me push you out of the shop at max speed." "… Yes Ma'am."

"A couple of misdemeanors before lunch can only mean one thing," Chan starts, taking a seat in between Soonyoung and Vernon, placing down his tray of food. "We're about to have the worst second shift."

Soonyoung visibly grimaces at Chan's words. "Now, why would you say the forbidden words?" Seungkwan hisses out at Chan, who looks like he is all but contemplating flinging his half-eaten bowl of caesar salad at the younger boy.

"If the second half of our shit sucks, it's all because of you," Vernon deadpans out, pointing his fork at the younger boy and causing Chan shrink slightly in his seat. Soonyoung glances at Chan, "Have we not learned our lesson from the last time the forbidden words were said?"

The last time was referring to just a week ago when the ambush happened, which nearly caused the demise of himself and the academies best. If it wasn't for your quick thinking of climbing out through the back, switching places with the war bags to climb out of the boot, he would actually have been a pancake in a grave right about now.

"To be fair," Chan states as he glances at each of his fellow rookies, swallowing slightly at their expressions. "It wasn't like anything too bad happened." Soonyoung resists the urge to push Chan's face into his lunch as Seungkwan's eye twitches slightly and Vernon shakes his head before returning to his lunch, muttering under his breath.

On the other side of the seating area, Mingyu and Seokmin are having the time of their lives, teasing you for whatever had happened during roll call this morning. You try to resist the urge to shove their lunches in their faces. The keyword being try. Because a couple of seconds later, they are cleaning their faces with a few wet tissues that Seokmin grabbed from the counter after you decided to push both their heads into their lunches.

"That wasn't very nice." Mingyu whines out as he cleans the pasta sauce off of his face, making you snort. "And constantly making fun of me and my rookie is?" You pointedly quip back, taking a bite of your lunch. "We were just playing around." Mingyu says, his pout deepening, "You normally like our jokes." "They just aren't funny today, Gyu." You snap back making Seokmin frown at you, as you didn't bother to meet their eyes. You peer upwards to see Minghao sitting alone, two tables over, his earbuds in as he eats his lunch, making you grimace more.

Seokmin and Mingyu share a look, understanding the reason for your mood immediately. "Well, I'm gonna bother your dear brother with my jokes if you aren't in the mood for them today." Mingyu says, picking up his tray rather abruptly. You frown, feeling guilty for snapping at the older man. "I'm sorry." You say quietly, making Mingyu shake his head, a small sympathetic smile on his face. "Don't be," He reassures quietly. "I'm just keeping him company." You offer a small smile back before he leaves, walking to Minghao's table. He shoves Minghao hard, letting out a hearty laugh as Minghao scowls at the taller male and they start to bicker. You watch them fondly before looking towards Seokmin who grabs your hand and starts to trace circles on them with his thumb.

"You guys still haven't talked to each other, huh?" Seokmin asks, the question rhetorical seeing as how he already knows that from how far apart you and Minghao have been sitting at the morning briefings since that day.

However, you nod all the same, "Longest we've ever gone without speaking to each other." You whisper out, eyeing your older brother again. He seems to have gotten into an easy conversation with Mingyu. "Comparable with the time that I accidentally sold him out during our year at the academy."

Seokmin winces at that, remembering the 'Minghao Ice Out' as he and Mingyu referred it to when the two of you weren't around. It was the worst fight the two of you ever had. You had accidentally thrown Minghao under the bus for a mistake the two of you committed in the first month at the academy, causing the two of you to fail the given assignment.

You were brazen and left his side while he executed the wrong strategy compared to what the two of you had discussed beforehand. It was a mess and it ended up with both of you getting the worst punishments of your lives, leaving both of you fractured, in more ways than one. That held the record for the most number of days that you and Minghao had no contact, which was 14 days. The two of you only talked through texts or through your best friends, who were getting sick of playing messenger at that point. Who broke first? Mingyu and Seokmin did.

They locked the two of you in their kitchen and told you guys to fight it out and resolve it before they would even consider letting you two out. So, you and Minghao sat there for almost eight hours until you broke first, asking him if he was hungry. With full bellies and a lot of unspoken guilt, the two of you worked it out.

However, you doubt that it would happen again this time around, seeing as Minghao hasn't said a word to you nor does he wait for you to leave the house, taking night shifts sometimes to avoid you on your days off. On the days that you both had the day off, he would leave the house early in the morning while you were out for your run or in the shower with his laptop and study materials for the detectives exam, opting to study at the library instead of at home just to avoid you.

You even tried to change it up a few times, just so that the two of you would end up in the house at the same time, but he always managed to maneuver your workarounds. Curse you for either being so predictable or curse Minghao for knowing your habits so well because of how observant he is. The silence was driving you insane, but you were too stubbornly set in your way to not tell Minghao everything that was going on.

"I'm not going to force you to tell me what's going on with you, Nova." Seokmin says gently, continuing the circling on his thumb on your hand. "Nor are Mingyu and I going to force the two of you into a room to work it out, we aren't in our early twenties anymore where that would work." He jokes lightly, bringing a small smile to your face.

"But," Seokmin starts, locking eyes with you, concern etched in every part, "When you and Minghao had that fight ages ago, two weeks before your training officer exam, Minghao could see how worried you were and swallowed his ego just because he wanted you to be okay for the exam, despite whether or not it was his fault or yours."

You chew lightly on your bottom lip, remembering that fight. "His detectives exam is in two days, Nova, and whether you can see it or not, this fight is wearing him down as well." Seokmin admits, gesturing for you to look at Minghao. You turn to look at him, like really look at him. Minghao, whose hair was just a little more unkept. Minghao, who looks a little paler and skinnier, as if he had been skipping meals. Minghao, who you didn't realize had dark rings under his eyes, whose legs were shaking nonstop — which almost never happens because he has chastised you more than once for that bad habit. Your heart sinks. Seokmin is right.

"He needs you, Nova." Seokmin whispers out, the two of you still looking at the man sitting next to Mingyu, who looks like they are having a deep conversation as well. "He feels guilty for yelling at you, but he only said all those things because he cares about you. You know at the bottom of your heart that it's not his fault. Not this time."

Seokmin glances at his watch before giving your hand a squeeze and letting go. "Think about it." He says gently before giving you a squeeze on your shoulder as he goes to round up his rookie. You stand up, clearing your trash before feeling a pair of eyes on you. You turn to see Minghao staring at you, his lips pursed as he eyes you up and down.

You study him for a beat before giving him a small, weak smile and a nod. Minghao's eyes widen, just a fraction before he gives you a small nod and walks away with Mingyu and their rookies behind them, leaving you feeling emptier than when you had started lunch. "Ma'am?" Soonyoung queries, appearing by your side and making you push all your emotions to the side so you can compose yourself, turning to him with your faux determination. "Let's roll out, Boot."

Soonyoung swears that you haven't been this quiet and deep in thought since his first two days on the job. After walking in and somehow, convincing you to let him stay, your personality had gone full Nova.

You were snarky, witty, and you were the definition of the medusa drill sergeant he's heard about during his early days at the academy with the other three rookies. So, when it takes a turn and you don't quip back at his dumb comments, he knows that something is wrong.

"Are you and Officer Xu fighting?" He finds himself asking as he takes a turn from downtown to a more neighborhood part of the city. He watches you freeze slightly — almost unnoticeable — before you compose yourself and narrow your gaze onto him.

"And that's your business because?"

Soonyoung bites his bottom lip, wondering if he should prod even further. But when he thinks about it, he's already asked the question and you haven't bitten his head off so maybe this ishis chance to prod even further.

"It's just that the two of you hadn't had lunch together or sat next to each other once in the last two weeks since… that day." He says, his voice a little soft, periodically glancing at you as to still keep his eyes on the road. "Vernon also asked me just now during lunch and he said that he brought it up with Xu but he just shot it down to just the two of you having differing opinions on something." Soonyoung glances at you again, a slightly longer one this time to find you deep in thought, digesting his words. "I was also wondering…" He starts, hesitating slightly as he purses his lips, "If the differing opinions was me?" He asks, his voice soft with an edge of guilt.

He awaits your response, fully expecting you to tell him to 'Shut the fuck up' or that it was 'None of his business' but instead you sigh, as if you were too tired for all those unpleasantries today. "We're just having a disagreement on a personal matter, Boot." You simply state, opting to look out at the window to avoid Soonyoung's careful glances. "Nothing about you and nothing to concern yourself with."

Soonyoung bites his tongue, wondering if he should argue back. He decides against it, giving you a nod, even though you aren't looking at him. "Yes, Ma'am." He states, giving you a full glance. "But, if you ever need someone to talk to about older siblings, I might have a few tidbits to share myself."

That has you glancing back at the blonde haired man, "You have siblings?" You ask, your eyebrow raised, making him nod. "One older sister and a younger sister." He chirps out. He keeps a hand on the steering wheel as he uses his free one to pull out his personal phone from his side pocket, while his eyes are still on the road. He throws it at you, giving his password almost immediately, which makes you narrow your eyes at how trusting this guy is as he is urging you to go to his liked photos. Staring back at you is a picture of his family having a family dinner as Soonyoung holds onto a small brown Norwich Terrier.

"… Did you just call your dog your younger sister?" You ask, glancing towards the man as he nods furiously.

"Of course," He states, not noticing your bewildered expression. "Latte is a very beloved 'Kwon' family member if I do say so myself." He says, pride etched in his tone. "She also sits with us and eats with us every night." "… You're talking about the dog…" Soonyoung once again nods furiously despite the bewildered tone you are using.

"We also have fights!" Soonyoung provides, making your expression turn even more amused. "She barked at me the other day for not letting her eat the last of my galbi. She wouldn't come and cuddle me that whole day too." Soonyoung all but whines out with a small little pout on his face, recalling the memory from just over the weekend. "She also eats my slippers sometimes." He adds, shaking his head at the thought, "We feed her so many nice things, yet she still chooses to eat my slippers."

The laugh you let out surprises not only Soonyoung, but yourself as you try to stifle it back to get your Nova Training Officer mode back. Soonyoung stares at you, wide eyed, as you try to hide your smile behind your palm, looking away from him. An expression unlike the ones he's usually the cause of which makes his heart skip a beat slightly as he realizes how pretty you actually look when you laugh.

He had noticed it before, he wasn't blind of course. But he was never the one who caused it. It was always brought out by either Mingyu or Seokmin, once even Jun. But somehow, hearing your laugh come after something stupid he said or did, just sounds a hundred times sweeter.

He smiles at you softly without even realizing it as you clear your throat, flushing a little under his new intense gaze. "You're quite the character, Officer Kwon." You say, clearing your throat again as you cough, trying not to smile as his words keep playing in your head. "A little weird if you ask me."

Soonyoung scoffs slightly, a small smirk on his face. "Weird enough to make you laugh," He teases lightly, making you roll your eyes. "Because you said some stupid shit." "Stupid shit that still made you laugh, Officer Medusa."

You roll your eyes, "Don't push it, Riot." You warn, hoping your voice has actual malice in it. He fully turns to you, a small, mischievous glint in his eyes. "Yes, Ma'am." He says, a small triumphant grin on his face. The expression makes you roll your eyes, about to chastise him, when a blur of movement appears from the corner of your eye.

Your eyes widen as you watch a person run in-front of the shop, "Look out!" You call out, urgency in your voice as Soonyoung fully steps down on the brakes, screeching slightly but not before hitting the person, cracking a little bit of the windscreen. The two of you immediately slide out of the car and rush to the person's side to see a female in her early twenties lying on the ground. "Ma'am!" Soonyoung calls out, his voice loud with panic as some passerbys try to take a peek of what's happening, "Are you alright?" The girl, who looks like she's been crying, grips hard onto Soonyoung's arm as he tries to get her to sit upright to examine her.

You pull out your walkie immediately, "Control, this is 7-Adam-21, requesting an R.A for a female, early twenties, struck by a car. Sent to our location at," You pause, taking a look around before noticing a street sign, "15 Jameson Avenue." There is some static before a small murmur of 'Copy' comes through, making you stash your walkie.

"Ma'am." Soonyoung calls out to you, his slightly strained tone making you look at him as he holds up her wrist, "She has duct tape on her wrist."

Your heart sinks as your eyes widen at the realization, seeing the gray wraps around her wrist, worn and a little strewn out, making the gears in your head move. She has been abducted by someone.

Soonyoung peers back down at the crying girl, examining her. She has some cuts on her face, some dried blood on her hands and face, making his face turn into one of grimace as she begins to claw at his uniform.

"Please don't let him get to me!" She screams out through her sobs as she looks at Soonyoung with pleading eyes. "Please don't let him take me!" She wails out, "Please don't let him take me again!"

Soonyoung purses his lips, his eyes wide filled with concern, "Who?" He asks repeatedly as you feel your blood run cold as you eye her semi-bloodied and dirty clothes, your mouth getting dry as she keeps screaming intelligibly and saying a mixture of words at once. Soonyoung internally curses at the sight, only one thought going through his mind. Chan just had to say the words to make the second shift flip.

Even after being an officer for the past few years, you don't think you could ever get over the sounds of the BP monitors and the rushing of doctors around the room as you and Soonyoung rush the bed down the hallway to get her to a secure room. The doctors soon took over as the girl kept clawing at Soonyoung's arm, not wanting to let him go as she kept wailing and screaming.

"Dilated pupils." One of the doctors calls out as the other nurse hooks her up to the heartbeat monitor.

You watch as Soonyoung tries his best to soothe the girl, who you can tell is in shock and heavily drugged, "Shh," he keeps whispering to her as he holds her hand that is gripped tightly to his. "It's okay, you're safe."

She keeps crying as you stand beside Soonyoung, not wanting to crowd her before she starts to mutter out some tangible words. "Tara." She mutters out, her eyes slightly dazed yet focused on whatever is running through her head. "Tara." You frown at her words, once was a coincidence but twice is a pattern.

"Who's Tara?" You whisper out to her, reaching for her free hand as she tries to steady her gaze on you. She mutters out the other girls name one more time, seemingly still out of it before the doctors turn to you and Soonyoung, her eyes wide and stern. "You guys need to leave so we can treat her."

"What?" Soonyoung starts, opening his mouth to argue until you grab his wrist, squeezing it to say that it isn't the time as you notice the doctor's stern and alarmed gaze. "Let's go, Boot." You mutter out to him, shooting him a small glance. He purses his lips, wrestling with the decision of whether to argue with you or not before deciding the latter and just gives you a small nod. "You okay?" You ask him softly as he looks at the floor, each of his steps heavy with thoughts. "No." He answers honestly, "I hope it doesn't get worse than this though."

You open your mouth to reassure him when you hear someone clear their throat in-front of the two of you. You and Soonyoung turn to see Seungcheol there with his arms crossed. "Clearly you misinterpreted my words on the motor pools hit," Seungcheol says, standing in-front of Soonyoung, "Because hitting civilians was definitely the complete opposite of what I was advocating for with that presentation this morning."

"Sarge," You say, stepping between him and Soonyoung, your tone serious as he refocuses his gaze on you, "It wasn't Officer Kwon's fault." You defend, "She ran in front of our shop and Officer Kwon didn't have any time to react." You say softly, locking your fiery gaze with Seungcheol's stern one as you defended Soonyoung. Seungcheol has an unreadable expression on his face, his mouth opening to retort when a familiar monotone voice interrupts him.

"Fourth shop in two weeks is definitely a record, Nova." You grimace as you turned to face Jun who is leaning against the hallway wall with a teasing smirk on his face, making you roll your eyes. "Do I need to remind you that you currently have the record for most shops in the motor pool going to the crematory, Wen Junhui?"

He blinks in surprise before lifting his hands in mock surrender. "Alright, alright." He says, the teasing grin still on his face, "Don't go full Nova on me." You resist the urge to roll your eyes at the older man as he stands beside Seungcheol. "What are you doing here anyways? Vanguard didn't have enough cases for you in New York?"

Jun has been away on a Vanguard Mission that was working with the FBI on, catching a Mafia Heiress, who has been on the run after her brother had run their family operation to the ground. He told you and the rest that he was going to be gone for the rest of the month, but that doesn't seem to be the case as he stands in front of you in the flesh.

Jun shrugs, "They relocated me back to LA for the time being because mystery heiress managed to avoid our trap and is back on the run. Sources say that she's turning up in LA so we hope that happens." He eyes you with a small glint, "Joshua also sends his regards by the way."

At that, you do give him a small smile at the mention of your childhood friend. Agent Joshua Hong is a FBI Agent who runs Sentinels, a special unit in the FBI that is a taskforce to catch all well-known criminals who are either on the run or off the grid. He had offered you a job after you finished training at the academy, but being dead set on sticking by Minghao, Seokmin and Mingyu's side, you declined, saying that you would rather have two feet on the ground instead of up in the air for majority of your career.

"Glad to see that he still remembers me after not responding to all my messages." You mutter out, rolling your eyes before refocusing on the case, "Are you here to lead the case?"

Jun immediately goes into Sergeant mode at your question, his posture straightened as he shakes his head, his face immediately going serious. "Vanguard unfortunately has another important case that I need to get back to after this, but Sergeant Choi called me here for you to give me a rundown to see if I can afford to lend you any backup." He glances at Seungcheol, "Which we are also quite scarce for at the moment."

Seungcheol lets out a tired sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he squeezes his eyes close in annoyance. "Just what I needed to hear today." He mutters. Jun gives him a sympathetic look, patting his shoulder before turning back to you and your rookie. "Give me the rundown and we can go from there." Jun stays silent the entire time you and Soonyoung give him the rundown, from when the girl had run in-front of your shop — which had Soonyoung wincing slightly at Seungcheol's scowl — to the ride to the hospital as you kept trying to ask her questions that all ended up unanswered due to the fact that she was having a hard time focusing.

"She also mentioned someone named Tara." You recall, hearing the last few words that she said. Seungcheol and Jun share a glance as you start to piece the stuff together in your head, "Could it be another girl?" Jun's face hardens slightly. "Could be. We will need to run the names to see if anything turns up but the detectives are unfortunately still swarmed with their own cases."

"Already covered." Seungcheol says, taking a glance towards you before looking back at Jun. "Xu is meant to take the detectives exam in two days, and given his really good work from the sniper case, the brass has deemed that he could use the practice to give him the leg up to really prepare him for the examination."

At the mention of Minghao's name, you freeze a little, wincing at the thought of interacting with your step-brother at the pivotal moment of the case. Seungcheol notices the wince, frowning slightly before refocusing on Jun who nods at his words. "Cool, I can probably only lend you Jihoon for the time-being as we wrap up the monstrous cases that was left to me while I was in New York." "Wow," You say, composing yourself slightly as you switch to tease Jun, "Definition of a great 'welcome back'."

Jun rolls his eyes before giving you snarky grin, "You know it!" He cheers, before excusing himself to call Jihoon, the second in command of the Vanguard team. Seungcheol turns to you and your rookie. "Officer Kwon, could you get control to ID the girl and send it back to your box?" He eyes you, "I need to speak with your training officer."

Soonyoung gives you a brief glance as you grimace slightly, cursing Seungcheol's good observational skills as you can already guess what he wants to ask. You give Soonyoung a small nod, asking him to leave to which he gives you a small reassuring nod back before walking out of the hallway to walkie back to control. Despite yourself, you smile slightly as you watch Soonyoung walk away before turning to Seungcheol, who has an eyebrow raised. "Getting along well with your rookie, are you?"

Your eyes widen for a fraction before you compose yourself and shake your head while clearing your throat. "Well," you start, "you were the one who asked me to give him a chance."

Seungcheol scoffs before settling back to the matter at hand. "You and Xu having a scuffle again?" He asks, plain and straight to the point. You grimace. "Yeah," You answer honestly. There is no point hiding it from your hawk eyed boss. He probably knew that you and Minghao had been having problems since the second day of rookie season. He just has a habit of not interfering or mentioning it till shit either hits the fan or it becomes too much to be dealt with professionally. You don't quite know if its the former, the latter, or just a precautionary measure at this point.

"But, we've been dealing with cases professionally amidst our fight, we should be okay working together for this." Seungcheol gives you a look, one that you've come to understand that he is amused but still in disbelief, which makes you internally roll your eyes. "We will be fine," You reassure once more, your tone hardening slightly. He gives you one last up and down before nodding. "Alright," He says, "It better not come back to my desk as another abnormal paperwork then." You are about to give him another round of reassurance when the man you two were talking about decides to walk down the hallway, with Vernon hot on his tail.

"Got your message." Minghao says, reaching to where you and Seungcheol are standing as he gives you the firmest and briefest nod possible before fixing his eyes on Seungcheol for his mission.

"Good," Seungcheol simply says, "We're just waiting for the base info from Officer Kwon." He peers over your shoulder, "And speaking of Officer Kwon." The three of you turn to find Soonyoung walking back to the four of you with a pep in his step, "Victim's name is Julie Wilson." He speaks, reading it off of his city issued phone, "Twenty two, college student who was reported missing by her dorm-mate two weeks ago." You grimace slightly at the information, "Did you find anything about Tara?"

Minghao's eyebrows furrow at that information and beats Soonyoung before he has a chance to answer. "There's another missing girl?" He asks, turning his attention to you. You compose your nerves, staring at your brother who has been avoiding you like the plague as you nod. "Julie kept mentioning a girl named Tara on our way here and when she was on the hospital bed," You swipe your bottom lip with your tongue, contemplating your words. "She kept saying she was sorry for leaving her."

Minghao's eyes darken at the realization. "Fuck," He mutters lowly, running a hand through his hair. "Language." Seungcheol calmly says before resting a hand on his shoulder. "Use the facts that we know and start from there." Seungcheol instructs as Minghao gives him a curt nod. "Control is still searching for any missing persons reports about a girl named Tara." Soonyoung answers, redirecting it back to your question, "They said the information will be redirected to our box the moment they find answers."

Minghao gives a nod before turning to Seungcheol, who raises his eyebrow, "It's your case, Detective. Give your orders." Minghao's eyes widen for a second, slightly taken aback before he mutters out a 'Right' and turns to you, "You and your Boot can start canvassing around the area where you found her." "You mean where her boot hit her with the shop like Mad Max." Seungcheol points out.

You roll your eyes at the statement, "Again," You pointedly say, glaring at Seungcheol, who looks like he was having a hard time keeping a smirk off of his face. "Kwon did not hit the girl with our shop. She ran in front of it."

Minghao, who looks like he has a ghost of a small smile on his face despite the two of you not being on good terms — probably because he is happy seeing you squirm — waves his hands. "Okay," He relents. "The two of you can start by canvassing the neighbourhood, do door to door if you need to. We need to know if anyone has seen this girl or saw where she was running from." He pauses as you watch the gears turn in his head, "Did she say anything about who her captive is?"

You shake your head, "She was heavily drugged by the person and I'm guessing she probably also doesn't remember how long she was running for before we found her." Minghao grimaces slightly at the information, "Right," he mutters out bitterly, "Because our job isn't hard enough as it is." You hold back a snort at his statement before Seungcheol speaks, "I'll assign Kim and Lee to the search as well. The downtown area of Jameson Street is too large for one shop to be canvassing alone."

Minghao nods before letting Seungcheol take his leave, probably to walkie to Mingyu and Seokmin about the new canvass they are assigned to, leaving you and Minghao standing next to each other. Minghao takes a quick glance at you, making you do the same as the awkwardness starts to settle in at the fact that this might be the first time the two of you are full-on speaking in the last two weeks other than the occasional, 'Here's the report' or 'Groceries are in the fridge'.

Soonyoung's eyes flit between the two of you before he locks eyes with Vernon, who seems to have done the same thing, clocking the awkward tension between the two of you. They share a silent conversation as the two of you try (and fail) to not make it obvious before Soonyoung clears his throat.

You lock eyes with your rookie, snapping out of the awkward haze you were in as you straighten up slightly before shuffling over to him.

"I guess I'll see you later." You mumble out to Minghao, the awkward tension getting more palpable as each second passes. "Yeah," He mutters, scratching the back of his nape, "See you."

With that, you take off down the hallway, your heart in your throat as Soonyoung trails behind you, almost struggling to keep up with your fast pace. You burst through the doors of the hospital, finally catching your breath, the tension making you feel like you're suffocating as Soonyoung slows down to your side.

"Are you alright?" He asks, his voice barely above a whisper as he crouches down to your height. You let out a huff, "Never better." Your voice sounding strained as you straight yourself up. "Let's go catch this bastard."

REPORT 15 OF 546 - BEARING THE EMOTIONS OF THE WORLD

Canvassing the neighborhood was definitely at the bottom of the list for your favourite patrol tasks. It was good policing, sure, but it was only ever done when an abduction and/or a kidnapping had taken place and from the statistics, 7/10 times, it was always a female. 3/5 of the times that you canvass, you won't be able to find anything, which was definitely what had happened yesterday. You, Mingyu and Seokmin had divided up the search grid to try to at least get some of the ground covered but with almost a new call happening every 10 minutes, the three of you only managed to canvass 1/6 of the search grid.

Minghao and Vernon had stayed behind to question Julie at the hospital, waiting for her to detox so that he could ask her questions while the memories were still fresh, but ended up not getting a lot to go off of. He had updated the three of you in the group chat that you guys shared, meaning that you had read the messages before having a restless night of sleep.

"Morning." You greet lowly, taking a seat between Seokmin and Mingyu with a small cup of oolong tea in your hand. You take in their appearances, their hair just slightly more unkept than usual along with matching small frowns on their faces as they murmur out greetings of their own. You grimace slightly at their expressions, "I take it night shift didn't find anything after they picked up the baton?" You ask, hopes that you are wrong shattering as Mingyu gives you a heavy nod.

"They got through a bigger part than we did but," Mingyu trails off, shaking his head, "Still nothing on where the missing girl could've been." You figured as much. Minghao didn't come home until 5am in the morning to take a quick nap, shower, and grab a new uniform set before he was out of the house again.

Cases like these always disrupted your morning routine, so while Minghao was having his nap, you made a batch of Pu-er tea, Minghao's favourite, to help him with the nerves and pressure. You left it to steep on the stove before hearing his shuffles, making you head back into your room to avoid meeting him but hoping the tea would be enough of a peace offering for now.

You laid in bed with bated breath as you heard him whip his room door open, taking a few steps before his shuffling came to a stop. There was silence for a few beats before you heard him let out a soft sigh as he shuffled around a little more and the stove was turned off. When you had emerged from your room an hour later, long after he left, you noticed that the pot was less than half filled, making a small smile appear.

"Alright," Seungcheol says from the front, making you snap out of your thoughts as you peer at the front to see Jihoon, Seungcheol and Minghao standing at the stand beside the projection screen.

You watch Minghao take a sip from his tumbler, making your heart clench slightly before he takes the lead for the presentation. "As you all know, yesterday at 14:45, Officer Nova and Kwon came across Julie Wilson, who was seen fleeing from an unknown area with duct tapes wrapped around her wrist." Minghao gravelly begins, his eyes sharp as he changes to the next slide, "Our victim was heavily drugged and she was unable to tell us how long she had been running for or what exactly her captive looked like."

He inhales heavily, "However, we have reason to believe there may be a second target that Julie mentioned leaving behind," He changes the slide to show a girl, who looked just slightly younger than Julie, a bright smile on her face that makes your blood run cold. "Her name is Tara Hill, twenty-one years old who was reported missing three weeks ago."

Jihoon picks up a stack of papers from the stand and starts to hand them out to everyone with details on it such as her last known address, her common route to her school, as well as printed out images of Tara. You feel a pit of dread in your stomach looking at the pictures that Minghao, Jihoon and Vernon had managed to dig up from the database, her bright smile making you gnaw on your bottom lip as your determination to find her spikes.

"I've approved extra shifts and O.T until we find this girl," Seungcheol says as he eyes the room, "Everyone canvasses between calls, understood?" A murmur of 'understood' echoes through the room, making Seungcheol nod.

"Alright, Sergeant Jihoon and I will be running base back here, manning the tip line so if you hear or see anything at all, ask them to call the number on the piece of paper handed back to you so that we can collate the information and find the girl faster." Seungcheol says, gesturing to himself and Jihoon who looks like he would rather be anywhere else but here. Jihoon glances towards you, making you give him a small thumbs up, to which he replies with a roll of his eyes and a subtle slice across his neck, making you grin slightly at his antics.

You and Jihoon weren't close but being Jun's right-hand meant that you two would work together during the cases when Vanguard needed patrols help with their cases. Meaning that the two of you had a small banter situation going on that was almost the same as when you were dealing with the two lanky men that were seated on either side of you.

"Let's do some good policing." Seungcheol says, grabbing your attention back as he dismisses the whole room. You stand up, stretching slightly as Seokmin glances at you. "Talked to Hao yet?" He asks, making you shake your head 'no'. "The case is taking up all his time right now," You state, glancing towards your brother, who has dark rings under his eyes. "We need to solve this today no matter what." You lowly state, glancing towards Mingyu and Seokmin. "Hao needs to be able to focus on his detectives exam tomorrow."

They both give you a firm nod before rallying up their rookies so that they could get a start on the canvassing before any calls come through. The gears turn quickly in your head as you made your way to your shop where Soonyoung is placing the war bags in the trunk.

"We're making a quick stop at the hospital," You announce to him, making your way to the passenger seat of the car. His eyebrows furrow as he closes the boot. "What for?" He asks, his head tiling to the side as you turn to look at him. "To ask Julie some questions before we start our canvass." You nonchalantly respond, making his eyes narrow more in confusion. "Aren't Xu and Vernon on that?" he asks, making his way to the drivers seat as you slide into the passenger seat.

You shrug, "Doesn't hurt to ask another round just to see if we can get more information." You state, "Besides, Tara can't wait." Soonyoung stares at you for a beat before nodding. "You're the boss." He states, grabbing his seatbelt to click it on as you give him a small smirk. "Glad to see you're good with authority now." You quip, making him huff out a laugh. "Figured I would give it a try since we were bonding yesterday." You narrow your eyes slightly at that comment. "We weren't bonding, Boot." Soonyoung nods his head, seemingly believing it, but the smile on his face says otherwise, "Whatever you say, Ma'am." You roll your eyes as he shifts the car into drive and steers out of the parking lot.

"He grabbed me when I was walking on my way home from college." Julie sniffles out, her eyes slightly swollen with tears as you look at her, sympathy written all over your face. "I never saw him but," she trails off, her eyes watering more as she recalls the memory, "I just felt the cloth go over my nose and then everything went black."

Soonyoung notes all the answers onto his notepad as you sit on the stool beside her bed, "Do you remember anything about the house?" You gently ask, handing her a tissue to wipe her eyes with.

She dabs at her eyes as she shakes her head 'no'. "He kept me in the basement with Tara, only coming to see us to bring us food and wave a gun around to try and scare the both of us." Her voice catches slightly as she sniffles, "He always wore a halloween mask over his face, to conceal his identity from us."

She lets out a shaky exhale, "I think he liked it, when he threatened us," She sobs out, making you soothe her as you hand her another tissue paper, telling her that it is alright and that she is safe.

You and Soonyoung share a glance. "Anything else?" He gently prompts, his voice soft so as to not scare the traumatized girl, "Anything that can help us find this place and Tara?"

Julie hesitates for a second, taking a quick glance at you before looking at Soonyoung, "I might be crazy but…" she takes a sharp inhale, "I kept hearing a voice shout 'Fatality' every few minutes." She turns to look at you, her eyes begging. "Tara could never hear it but I swear it was there."

Your eyes widen at her statement, whipping out your phone, typing in something into your search bar before flipping the screen to her. "Was it this?" You ask her softly, pressing play on the YouTube video as the sound fills the room, making her eyes widen. "Yes." She breathes out making a small grin appear on your face. But before you say anything, there is a knock on the door. You and Soonyoung whip your heads to the door to find Minghao standing there with Vernon behind him, giving you an anxious look as your brother is silently seething.

"What are you doing here, Nova?" He asks, his arms crossed as he looks between you and your rookie. You curse internally at your brothers expression before exiting the room, making Soonyoung give a quick glance to Julie. "We'll check on you later," Soonyoung reassures her, giving her a small smile before he shoves his notepad and pen into his patch pocket.

Minghao eyes you, his arms crossed and posture rigid. "Well?" He asks, the tone of his voice teetering on the edge of rage as he raises an eyebrow. "I'm waiting."

Your eye twitches at his tone, "We came by on our way to canvass, didn't think it would be a big deal—" "Protocol is key here, Nova." Minghao interrupts, his voice hard and rough as he seethes, making you take a step back as you meet his gaze. "Everything goes through me or Sarge, Nova. You know that."

Soonyoung's eyes narrow slightly. "What's the problem here?" He asks, making your heart drop as you watch your brother's glare shift to your rookie. "We're all trying to catch the same guy here."

Minghao lets out a scoff. "Why are you talking right now, Officer Kwon?" He asks, his brazen voice making Soonyoung frown. "Do you have a problem with me or something?" Soonyoung asks, his voice raising slightly and making Minghao give him another cutthroat glare as you heave out a sigh. "Enough!" You exclaim out exasperatedly, placing your hands on both of their chest as you sternly glare at the both of them before pushing Soonyoung backwards and behind you, so that your brother's focus shifts to you.

"Did she tell you about the voice saying 'Fatality'?" You ask, making Minghao's expression twist into one of confusion. "What?" He asks after a moment of silence, his eyebrows furrowing even more, "'Fatality'?" You nod eagerly as you watch the gears turn in his head. You sigh. Watching his brain lag, you pull out your phone again to find the sound. "Listen." You say playing the YouTube video as a video game theme plays in the background before the announcer voice booms out through the speaker, "Fatality."

Minghao's eyes widen in recognition before he locks eyes with your excited ones, "Pixie," He says aloud, his voice brimming on excitement, "You're a genius."

You feel your neck flush slightly, warm with pride as your brother positively acknowledges you for the first time in weeks, the nickname bringing a warmth to your chest. Soonyoung and Vernon eye each other, confusion etched on their faces. "Sorry, what?" Soonyoung asks, his eyebrows furrowed, feeling a little lost as he eyes the two of you, who are buzzing from finding the clue to solve the case.

You flip your phone over for Vernon and Soonyoung to see as they peer at the screen, seeing the grainy pixelated characters fight it out. Vernon squints at the screen, "Is that Mortal Kombat?"

You nod eagerly, humming out a sound of affirmation, "The 1992 version to be exact." The two rookies look over at you, shock etched onto their faces as they look at you as if you had grown a second head. You frown at their expression, feeling a little awkward under their intense gazes, "What?" You ask, your voice tensing as you give them a stare.

Vernon immediately breaks his gaze from your face, clearing his throat as Soonyoung closes his mouth, swallowing. "Nothing," Soonyoung murmurs, making you narrow your eyes before you get back on track and pull out the search grid.

"Anyway." You mutter out, unraveling the search grid and placing it on the coffee table nearby, allowing the three men to see. "Mortal Kombat is normally at arcades and there are seven in our search grid," You gesture for Soonyoung to give you the pen, circling the seven arcades in the area. "However," You murmur as you start to cross out five of them, "There are only two old timey arcades in the area that have the oldest version of Mortal Kombat released in 1992. Which has the voice line that Julie recognizes." You put more emphasis on the two arcades that lay on either sides of the search grid.

"We can take one and radio Seok and Gyu to take the other." Minghao suggests, making your eyes widen. "You want to go with me?" You ask, your voice coming out softer than you intended, making Minghao's expression soften as well. "Yeah," He says, hesitating slightly, "Unless you don't want me to. I can get Gyu or Seok to go with you instead."

You immediately shake your head, straightening your posture, "I would love you to have my back again." You say softly, making a small smile appear on Minghao's face, giving you a firm nod. "Let's catch this bastard then." You smile to yourself, locking eyes with your brother's determined ones. "Took the words right out of my mouth."

Stopping right outside the old-timey arcade makes you freeze, feeling a wave of nostalgia hit you as you recall old memories of going to the arcades with Minghao and your parents.

Slamming the car door shut, you scan the area as Soonyoung appears by your side. "Judging from how loud the machines are," You murmur, tracing the edge of the building as you look at the neighbourhood houses surrounding the arcade.

"Along this street right?" Soonyoung asks, catching your drift as he points towards a row of houses right at the opposite end of where the arcade entrance and Mortal Kombat are.

You nod, watching Minghao get out of his own shop and walk towards the two of you. "I've updated the Watch Commander and Vanguard already. Gyu just informed me that they've reached the other arcade and are doing door to door now."

You hum in understanding, gesturing to the row opposite the entrance, "We were just saying that it has to be this row of houses because Mortal Kombat is right there." You say, pointing towards where the machine is, hearing the sound effects.

"Brings back memories, huh?" Minghao asks, making you nod before you glance towards the houses. "Let's start." You and Minghao pause for a moment to canvas the outer area of the houses before you land on one where a security guard is sitting on his porch.

"Maybe we should ask the neighbours first." You say, glancing towards Minghao, "Security guys are always nosy." He nods, agreeing with you, "I'll take Chwe and we'll do a knock on the first house then." He states, making you nod as his eyes narrow on you. "Stay safe and don't do anything I wouldn't do." He warns, making you shrug, giving him a small smile. "No promises."

He continues to stare at you, making you shrink slightly at his brotherly glare, a reminder that the two of you still have some unresolved issues before you relent and nod, "I'll be careful." That answer seems to satisfy him as he gives you a curt nod before walking towards the first house down the street.

"Let's go, Boot." You solemnly command, making him give you a small nod as you feel your skin prickle, slightly on edge as you use your chin to nudge towards the security guard, "Show me what you got." He nods, walking towards the house before approaching the security guard as you stand a little bit away but still in earshot of him and the civilian, accessing the streets for dodgy houses and just observing your surroundings.

"Hello there, sir." Soonyoung greets chirpily, making the older man stand up to access him with a wary smile on his face. "Good morning." The security guard greets, "How can I help you?" A dog barks in the distance, making you glance towards that area as you take a few slow steps down the street, still on high alert with your ears perked to listen to Soonyoung's conversation. "…and we were wondering if you saw anything out of the ordinary?"

"No, nothing that I can recall," The man says as something catches your attention from the corner of your eye, making you pause your slow walk. You turn to the right to see the security guard's car window slightly wound down, something inside reflecting sunlight in your direction.

You squint at it, curious before you peer upwards to see Soonyoung still deep in conversation with him. You chew at your bottom lip before waking towards the car, glancing every few steps to see if the security guard is watching you.

"Have you seen these two girls at all?" You hear Soonyoung ask as you quietly approach the car. "No, not at all." The man answers, shifting slightly, "Uh, are they okay?" You peer into the opened window, squinting slightly as your eyes flit through the amount of things in the backseat of his car before it lands on something that makes your blood run cold.

Their voices muffle slightly as you spot a halloween mask in the backseat of the car. Your head immediately whips upwards. "Kwon!" You yell, getting the blonde's attention as you whip out your gun, pointing it at the security guard. The guard, who seemed to have sensed danger, immediately pulls out a pistol from his right back-pocket, pointing it straight at Soonyoung, making your eyes widen in horror.

"MOVE!" You quickly shout, making Soonyoung dive right, just in the nick of time as the guard took his first shot, missing Soonyoung by just a few centimeters. You fire a few shots of your own, barely missing him as he sprints to his porch, whipping the front door open and clambering inside. You internally curse at all your missed shots before you watch Soonyoung immediately stand and run after the man, his gun out.

"Kwon!" You call out to him, wanting to reason that the two of you should wait for backup but he interrupts you. "I'm going in!" He yells, feeling adrenaline coursing through his veins before he disappears through the front door.

You yell out a very loud 'Fuck' at your rookie's new heroic spirit that you no doubt have instilled in him in the past two weeks after the incident at the house. You peer to your left to see Minghao and Vernon already dashing down the street, making you weigh your options. You could either sprint in after Soonyoung or wait for Minghao and Vernon to get here. The only problem with the latter is that the suspect is armed and your rookie isn't exactly a top-notch shot. As you hear another gunshot go off in the house, the decision is long made for you as your body begins to move on it's own as you sprint into the house, ignoring Minghao's cries for you.

Soonyoung swears that his blood has never pumped this hard in his ears. Never when he was performing his heart out in-front of tens and thousands of people, never when he was practicing the hardest choreography that he has ever done and especially not during the absolute episode of his first shift.

However, as he rounds the corners of the empty house, he swears his heart starts to work overtime. After blatantly avoiding your calls for him, he's as quiet as a mouse, weaving through the multiple corners of the house before ending up in the backroom, his eyes fleeting around the room on high alert. He rounds the last corner, peering into the last room of the house, a tiny backroom that seemingly has only one access point. Remembering his training, he steps into the room and scans it, closing the door quietly behind him.

This is the last room in the house and if the guard isn't here, that would mean…

His thoughts trail off as he notices an open wardrobe, light filtering into it slightly and making him frown as he walks closer to it. He moves some of the hangers out of the way before noticing the makings of a hidden door. His eyes widen. "Bingo," he mutters to himself, his hand reaching for the door to whip it open when something stops him.

Or someone for the matter.

Soonyoung almost yelps out in surprise as he feels a hand on his shoulder, whipping around with his finger already on the trigger of his gun to face a very angry you. "You're a fucking idiot, Kwon Soonyoung." You quietly hiss out under your breath, your rage-filled tone making him give you a small sheepish smile. "You could've been killed-" You start to chastise before he interrupts you.

"Ma'am," He quietly states, trying not to flinch at the intensity of your glare. "You can yell at me later, the guy is down there." He reasons, gesturing towards the hidden door. He watches as your jaw clenches slightly. "Fine." You state, "But this isn't over." You say, walking in front of him, mumbling under your breath how you got saddled with the most reckless rookie ever as you take point at the right side of the door.

Soonyoung watches you, his heartbeat still pounding in his ears as you shoot him a look with your eyebrows raised, "Are you waiting for Christmas?" You hiss out, gesturing your gun towards the other side of the door, "Get the fuck over here."

Soonyoung's eyes widen as he scrambles to the left of the door. He is definitely going to get an earful from you later about how badly this could've ended for him. He watches you take a deep breath before signaling to him that you will open the door on the count of three. He nods, making you turn to the door, your hand up before counting up.

As soon as your third finger goes up and you whip the door open, making Soonyoung point his gun inside, his finger alert on the trigger and he peers down a musty old staircase. "Clear," He quietly whispers out before he shuffles forward, to begin his descent down the stairs with you right on his sixth.

He switches the flashlight on at the top of his gun as he continues to walk further down the creaking staircase, his heart in his throat as he startles at every new sound. When he reaches the bottom of the stairs, the room is eerily quiet, only filled with the sounds of his and your slow breathing as well as the ventilation fan that is working overtime at the corner of the room.

Soonyoung notices two doors on either side of the room, which are mostly concealed behind many high shelves and boxes. He takes a small glance towards you, silently asking what the two of you should do, making you chew on your bottom lip before signaling to him that the two of you will need to split up.

It is dangerous for sure, Soonyoung understands how dangerous the situation is, but if the two of you end up going into the same room, it's even riskier as he could trap the two of you inside. The guard has the advantage at the moment, he is hiding and because this is his own house, he knows the ins and outs of everything. Soonyoung gives you a small curt nod as he pieces everything together before he slowly walks towards the right side of the room. He shines his flashlight and gun at every nook and corner that he sees, rounding each high shelf until he reaches the other side of the room, the door right next to him.

His eyes narrow slightly at the hatch on the door before he presses himself to the left wall of the door, his right hand on his gun while his left one rests on the latch. He gives himself a mini countdown before opening the locked door, peering inside to see Tara lying on the floor. His eyes widen, "Tara?" he says aloud making the young girl peer up at him, squinting slightly at the flashlight as Soonyoung takes her appearance in, his heart sinking slightly at her sullen eyes, pale lips, and dried blood all over her face. She scoots backwards, making him stash his gun as he raises his hands in surrender, not wanting to scare her even more as he makes his way towards her.

"It's okay." He mumbles to her, slowly approaching, "I'm with the LAPD." He watches as recognition floods her face, making her eyes fill with tears as he notices her recognize his uniform. He wastes no time crouching down next to her, "You're going to be okay." He soothes as he uses strength to rip off the duct tape on her arms, making her stay stationary to the wall before he moves towards the wrapped duct tape on her ankles.

"Look out!" Tara shrieks beside him, making him whip around, only to have his head slammed in by a hard metal object. He groans lowly, falling to the floor as his surroundings become slightly disorientated, his heart racing while his head throbs in his ears.

He hears Tara's muffled yelling but can't seem to make sense of it as his vision focuses in and out. He faintly notices the silhouette of the guard, making him curse internally as he tries to force himself to get up, to focus on reaching for his gun that is still attached to his duty belt.

He hears the muffled cocking of the pistol, his blood in his ears and his heart hammering against his chest, making him squeeze his eye shut, almost as if he was trying to will himself into getting up. He faintly hears the man chuckle before the house shakes, making Soonyoung open his eyes to see dust coming down from the ceiling, making the guard panic before he dashes out of the room.

Soonyoung, slowly regaining his focus, stands up without a second thought as his blood boils slightly at the thought of the guard making him dash out of the room.

"Wait!" Tara yells out, through a choked sob, "Please don't leave me." She begs, making Soonyoung stand at the door, his pulse still running a million miles an hour. "You're safe," He calls out to her before giving her a small reassuring smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, "I'll be back." He promises before he gets out of the room, whipping his gun around, trying to spot the guard. He sees a flash of a shadow, immediately pointing in it's direction just to see the guard escape through a thin window at the corner of the room. He silently curses as he hears footsteps from the stairs, whipping around to see Minghao and Vernon with their guns out, descending down at a rapid pace.

"Kwon!" He hears you cry out as you come into view, your face full of concern. Vernon's eyes widen upon seeing Soonyoung's head. "Shit," Vernon mutters, "Are you alright?"

Soonyoung quickly nods, "I'm alright but the guy's on the run and someone needs to stay with Tara." Vernon and Minghao take a quick glance at each other before Minghao raises an eyebrow, eyeing the two boots. "Well, it's not going to be either one of you," He says sternly. "Get out of here and go catch the guy."

Soonyoung and Vernon's eyes widen before they immediately dash out through the open window, making Minghao turn to you, "I'll stay with Tara." He says, his tone having an edge of finality in it, "Take the shop and go give them backup." Minghao knew that you were a better shot at the end of the day, and if it came to it, you won't hesitate to take it if the guy doesn't surrender. Knowing that there is no time to argue, you give him a curt nod before you race up the stairs to get into your parked shop.

Soonyoung sprints down the neighbourhood streets, barely hearing the sirens as his eyes zero in on the guard running through the neighbourhood park. Soonyoung feels his lung's gasping for air but decides to ignore it, sprinting with Vernon, the two of them hot on the guards tail.

Soonyoung's mind is blank as he jumps over hurdles after hurdles before he sees the guard trip, dropping his pistol. He pushes his limits more and forces himself to run just a little bit faster to catch up with the guy before he can get up.

However, lady luck is not on his side as the guy ditches the gun and begins to sprint again. "Stay down!" He vaguely hears Vernon yelling from behind him as he chases after the guard once again. He barely registers the siren sounds from yours and his shop before you stop at the street right next to the exit he was heading to. You pull out your gun and intercepted the guy, yelling "Freeze!" making him raise his hands in surrender.

Soonyoung, who feels the adrenaline in his veins, the rush of blood to his head and visions of the girls trapped in the basement, only sees red as he tackles the guy. You stand there, frozen as you watch your rookie aim fist after fist at the man's head.

"Kwon!" You immediately yell, stashing your gun before you curl your arm into his bicep, halting his rage and making him peer up at you, his chest heaving as his eyes glaze over. "That's enough." You lowly hiss, glaring right into his eyes as he takes in heavy breaths. "He's done."

The glaze in his eyes clears as he takes a sharp inhale, as if he was just registering what he had done, peering back down to the guard, whose face is starting to get swollen and bruised.

"Hook him up, Boot." You calmly say before yanking your arm out from underneath his as Soonyoung swallows, feeling his throat suddenly dry up before he scrambles to follow your instruction, flipping the suspect over and handcuffing him. Soonyoung takes a quick glance at Vernon, whose eyes are wide at the spectacle, seemingly at a lost for words as Soonyoung feels the adrenaline start to slow, his head running a million miles per minute at what he had just done. He is definitely going to get it later.

The four of you stand in Seungcheol's office, giving him the rundown and debrief as Minghao calmly relays the facts to the man, with you retelling your part of what had happened in the house. You glance every now and then at your rookie, who is definitely zoning out the rest of the room.

You tense at the slight bit of concern that floods your veins as you stare at the man, who looks like he is wrestling with his inner thoughts, making you sigh internally, knowing you will need to talk to him later.

As the debrief wraps up, Seungcheol gives you and Minghao a nod of approval with a small smile on his face, "Good work, the two of you." He praises, his eyes fleeting between the two of you, before he glances towards your rookies behind the two of you.

"You two," He starts, making your rookies lock eyes with him, "You're dismissed. I need to speak with your training officers."

You glance behind to see the two rookies glance at each other before giving Seungcheol a firm nod and leaving the room. Seungcheol turns his gaze back to you and Minghao, studying the two of you for a beat. "I take it the two of you haven't made up yet?"

The abrupt question startles you, making you blink at your watch commander as you see Minghao doing the same from the corner of your eye. "Not yet, sir." Minghao says, locking eyes with you. "But we will solve this tonight."

The finality in his tone makes your heart stutter slightly, still wrestling with the choice of whether to tell Minghao or not. Seungcheol nods, "That's all I needed to hear." He says, sounding pleased with himself. If this was any other situation, you would have rolled your eyes at his antics before giving a sarcastic comment, but it has been a long day and you need to save your energy for dealing with Minghao.

Minghao and you leave Seungcheol's office, the tension definitely palpable in the air before Minghao reaches a set of benches right before the locker rooms, plopping down onto it as he let out a soft groan. He stretches slightly as you silently stare at him, awkwardly shuffling on your feet and making him glance up a you, his expression soft as he pats the bench.

You take the cue and sit down next to him, resting your palms on your knees as silence enveloped the two of you. Your tongue traces your bottom lip, wetting it as you feel the tension get more unbearable, until you can't take it anymore.

"Hao," You start, taking a shaky inhale, "Look I—" "Stop." He says softly, interrupting you before you can start to ramble. "Let me talk first."

You quiet down almost immediately, giving him the floor as he runs a hand through his hair before locking eyes with you. "I'm sorry for whatever I said in the car the other day." He mutters out, mirroring you as he rests his palms against his knees. "I wasn't trying to force you into telling me what happened but," he hesitates slightly, "I'm worried, Pixie."

He runs a hand through his hair again, almost tangling it in. "You've been more reckless ever since that day you had that talk with Seungcheol in his office." Minghao softly admits, a soft edge of frustration laced in his words, "You've also changed. Your methods have changed, you're excusing Kwon's actions sometimes and you stand up for him every chance you get even when you were advocating for him to quit since the first hour on day one."

Minghao takes a shaky inhale. "You don't need to tell me whatever is making you feel like this, Pixie," he admits, his tone slightly resigned as he stares at the floor, "But I need to know that you will make it home every night and that you will be able to solve this internal conflict that you are having with yourself." He locks eyes with you again, your heart clenching slightly at the dullness of them as they stare heavily into yours, "Because I can't lose you, Pixie, not ever and especially not like this."

You feel a rush of guilt spike immediately, making your chest ache from how fast and hard it hits you. Minghao's eyes flit around your face, studying you for a beat. "I trust you more than anyone else in the world, Pixie," He softly says, his expression softening even more, "And if you have a reason for not telling me, I know that it's a good one," He nudges you slightly, "Plus, if there's anyone who can solve something that everyone else thinks its unsolvable," he gives you a small smile, filled with adoration, "That person would be you."

The pain in your chest grows at the admittance and you feel your walls break almost instantly as you digested his words. Minghao studies you for a beat, taking your silence as quiet understanding before he speaks again. "I don't expect us to solve this today." He says softly, grabbing your hand into his, "We had a long day and I have my test tomorrow so why don't we just go out for food and—"

"Hao." You speak up, your voice soft, interrupting him and making him tilt his head in question. You let out a shaky exhale, "When Seungcheol called me into his office the other day, half of it was to tell me about Soonyoung being my new rookie, but the other half," You trail off, composing your nerves slightly before continuing, "Was about the brass."

Minghao's eyes narrow slightly, "What about the brass?" He questions, slightly frowning.

You shift slightly, turning to face him, "Seungcheol had a report on his desk with all of our stats from the past twenty Rookie Days we've had. While everyone's report and yours were clean, with only a few wash outs," You take a shaky inhale, "Mine was the worst, with only nine successful rookies."

Minghao blinks at that, "Why is that an issue?"

You gnaw on your bottom lip, "It's an issue because the brass needs to pin the heat on someone when all these total rookies add up and we don't have enough manpower on the streets, Hao." You mumble out bitterly, "They're going to claim that my methods are unorthodox. Yes, I produce the best rookies, but I also wash out the most and 'leave them for the sharks' as they put it."

Minghao's eyes widen at that, "What?" He asks, his voice low, serious and stern, "That's utter bullshit." You grimace slightly at his words, watching as he goes on a small spiral of his own, "They can't do that." "Well, they definitely can if they're threatening it." You speak out softly, making Minghao scoff as he shakes his head, borderline seething now.

"That's why you can't wash Soonyoung out," he mutters, starting to silently pieces everything together, "Because if you do, you lose this." You gravely nod at his voice as silence swarms around the two of you. Not the comfortable kind as you feel the air prickle your skin, the topic leading the air to become heavy amongst the two of you.

"That's fucked." Minghao finally admits, making you nod slowly. "It really is," You say, echoing his sentiment. "I guess we need to start trying harder to wash him out then." Minghao says, clasping his hands together, "I think we can think of a few ways to make the guy wash himself out."

You think back to yesterday and today and how Soonyoung has been. He was attentive, he took your criticism. You contemplate. "If he cannot hack it, I will cut him. Regardless of whether I am a training officer or not after the fact." "Remember what it was like to be in his shoes, Nova." "I'm here because I have to do this, because I can't live with myself if anyone else goes through the same thing that I have."

Those three sentences keep ringing at the back of your mind before you take in all of Soonyoung's actions today and how he risked everything to save the girl. How committed he was and how he saw red after the incident which lead to the altercation. "No." You softly say, surprising Minghao, "I don't think he should quit."

Minghao stares at you, his eyes slightly wide as he analyzes your face. You hold your breath, awaiting his argument. But instead, you just watch him deflate and sigh, the day definitely taking a toll on him.

"Alright." He simply says, giving you a soft smile as he squeezes your hand, making you frown in confusion. "You aren't going to argue with me?"

He raises an eyebrow, "You want me to?" You immediately shake your head, making your half-brother huff out a laugh, a teasing smile on his lips, "Don't get me wrong, I still don't like the guy, but after witnessing what he did today," He trails off, shaking his head, "Figures why you like him and want to keep him." He says, turning to you with a cheeky smirk on his face. You feel the back of your neck flush at his words before you use your free hand to slap him hard on the shoulder, making the older man yelp.

"Oi!" He exclaims, rubbing his shoulder with his free hand. "Don't add injuring a fellow police officer to your rapport now, you already have a bad rep with the officers at the motor pool because of your fellow rookie." "Need I remind you that you were the one that crashed your shop into the house today to get through the front door?" "Well, whose fault is that?! You didn't listen to me and got the front door locked after you ran inside to save your reckless rookie! What other choice did I have?" "Every war bag is equipped with a lock-pick, Xu! Which you would've remembered if you didn't come saving me as if you're some knight in shining armour." Minghao snorts before dragging you to your feet by your joint hands, "C'mon," He says, snarkily as he pulls you, "We're getting nowhere with this argument because we're both starving." You roll your eyes, "Just cause I was winning the argument." "Don't start."

You slam your locker door shut and grab your backpack before making your way out of the female changing room, bidding goodbye to the night shift team. You roll your shoulders, trying to get the ache out of them as you push the doors to the precinct open and take a deep breath, the cool night air filling your lungs.

You stand there for a second, soaking in the night before you catch something at the corner of your eye that makes you peer over to see a blonde head of hair. You watch as Soonyoung stares at the sky, contemplating as he sits on the bench right outside of the precinct. He is dressed in plain clothes, which you realize make him look a lot younger than he actually is despite being two years older than you.

You feel your body move on it's own as you approach him, your sneakers swiping a few rocks away. As you stand by his side, he seems to be in his own world, not noticing you. You clear your throat.

"Not going home yet?"

Soonyoung jumps slightly before whipping his head to the side to see you standing there, a ghost of a smile on your face as you try not to smile or laugh at scaring him.

"Waiting for Vernon, Chan and Seungkwan to get out of the locker room. My roommate is picking us up for dinner." He states as he eyes you. "How about you?"

"Waiting for Officer Xu, Lee and Kim. We're supposed to go for dinner." You say, rolling your eyes as you shift the strap of your bag on your shoulder, "They complain that I always take the longest but I swear, if the three of them are in there at once, they will take hours."

Soonyoung lets out a small laugh at your grimacing tone, "Do guys actually have all those locker room talks or something?" Soonyoung looks at you, not even bothering to hide his slight amusement. "Locker room talks or something?" He repeats your words, making you nod. "Yeah, like girls' bathroom talks."

At that, Soonyoung lets out a louder laugh, his shoulders relaxing by a fraction, making you smirk despite yourself. Soonyoung slides to the right, making place for you. "Want to sit?"

Despite everything in you saying 'no' and that you aren't supposed to get close to this rookie that you deemed irresponsible, you do anyways. You know he isn't like that anymore, it would be pretty dumb if you still thought that way after getting to know him the past two weeks, despite not wanting to. You let out an exhale as you sit before silence envelops the two of you as you both stare at the moon and the stars dotting the sky.

You glance towards Soonyoung, whose shoulders look like they tensed up again in just a couple of seconds. "How are you doing?" You ask the man, making him glance at you before going back to stare at the moon, gnawing at his bottom lip.

"I'm…" He hesitates slightly, watching your expression morph into a 'don't lie to me' one, making him relent. "Honestly, I could be better." He mutters out, not wanting to meet your eyes. You let out a hum, stretching slightly. "Why's that?"

He lets out a sigh, "I've always known that people can be capable of horrible things," he softly says, kicking a few pebbles with his shoes as he swings his legs lightly, "but to see it firsthand was…"

He trails off, his head dropping lower but his words resonate with you as you digest them, understanding what he means. You lean back on your hands as you stare at the sky. "You've also experienced it firsthand." You say softly.

Soonyoung barks out a bitter laugh. "You're right," he mutters, mirroring your posture.

You stare at him for a few moments before nudging him to make him look at you, "Can't let it infect you." You say quietly, after he locks eyes with you. "As a civilian, you can be driven by emotion as much as you want. As a cop?" You shake your head, "You need to rise above it because it's not your job to punish this man for what he did as much as you want to."

Soonyoung stays silent as you gently reason with him, "Doesn't make it suck any less." He finds himself muttering, making your expression soften.

"It doesn't." You agree, "When you were on stage, you were in-charge of it all, the emotions you were inflicting on others through your music, the music that you could perform on it and everything that was meant to be up there, but here?" You let out a small sigh, solidifying your words and point. "Overcoming that impulse and need for control will be the hardest thing that you do in this job."

You let your words sit for a beat with Soonyoung before a few muffled voices catch your attention, making you peer behind to see the three men joking around with each other, pushing each other slightly as they make their way out of the building.

You roll your eyes at their antics before looking back at Soonyoung, who seems amused by them, "Guess that's your cue." He says, making you scoff as you shake your head. "Wish it wasn't," You say tiredly, making Soonyoung laugh at your deadpanned expression before a small smile makes its way onto your face. You stand up, slinging your bag onto your shoulder again, "You did good today, Officer Kwon." You praise, making Soonyoung blink at your words.

"Did you just compliment me?"

You roll your eyes, "Don't get used to it." You say pointedly as he shakes his head, a wider grin on his face now. "Wouldn't dream of it, Ma'am." He says, his eyes twinkling, making your chest warm slightly even though you don't know why.

You clear your throat as your entourage makes their way over to Mingyu's car, Minghao calling out your name. "That's my actual cue." You say as Soonyoung nods, opening his mouth to speak when you are both interrupted by yet another loud group of people, the two of you turning to see Chan and Seungkwan arguing with each other as Vernon trails behind them.

You smile, amused before turning to Soonyoung, "Looks like that's your cue as well." You say, your grin teasing as he huffs, standing up as well. "Unfortunately," He mumbles before turning to you, eyeing you for a beat before his expression morphs into a more appreciative one.

"Thank you." he says softly, "For the talk." You shrug, "I'm your training officer, every moment is a teachable one." You watch him resist the urge to roll his eyes, making you laugh as you take a step away from him.

"See you tomorrow, Officer Nova." He says, giving you a mock salute which has you rolling your eyes as you step a few steps backward, a ghost of a smile on your face at how stupid your rookie is. "See you tomorrow, Officer Kwon."

PART TWO (Coming Soon)

©livmarauder2026 Thank you guys so much for reading part one! I hope you guys are excited for part two which should hopefully be released sooner or later... please comment down below if you want to be tagged for that (pending date is june atm!) Like my work? Join my Permanent Taglist! All my fics are 18+, which means blogs without age or age indicators will not be tagged If you like this, please consider reblogging or liking, it really makes my day! <3 Thank you again for showing rookie soonyoung love! <3

He often wondered what you thought of the mark, if you loved it as much as he did. Had he known how much you loved that he too used his hair to express himself, he would’ve been doing cartwheels through the Hybe building.

Your hair had been a way for you to express yourself since you were young. When you were around 6 you had decided to do something cool and had stolen the kitchen scissors and made your vision come to life.

Luckily your parents just laughed at your antics, always telling you to keep expressing yourself, and to never let anyone dim your light.

So you didn’t. And when your soulmate started playing along on your own crazy behavior, you knew he would be perfect. He was the piece that was still missing, the part your soul yearned for.

It wasn’t often you saw people with similar crazy hair colors to yourself, but whenever you did you looked their way, hoping you would feel that undeniable pull everyone always explained. You were of course some what disappointed when it led nowhere.

But you never lost hope, no you would find your colorful other half when the time was right.

Your love for hair had taken you all the way to beauty school. It had been a dream since you were young, a dream that was coming true.

The people who worked side by side with you were in constant awe of the always changing colors and overall health of your hair and scalp. You didn’t have the heart to tell them that most of the colors weren’t your own doing.

Your mark had always felt private, something only a chosen few knew about. It wasn’t that you were afraid of what people would say; you just didn’t feel the need to share it with everyone you met in life.

Soonyoung saw things a little differently however, he bragged to everyone who would ever want to listen. He even had a note on his phone with pictures and the days his hair had changed. Plus a little added bonus of who the sudden change had pissed off the most.

He often wondered just how much money Pledis used on his hair within the year.

“I’m pretty sure it’s a shit load of money” he said as he leaned back in the chair of the stool. The hair had been fixed not long ago. But for some reason something seemed to tell him it would change right before the filming of the music video.

Jihoon just shook his head with a somewhat subtle smile as he typed something into his phone.

Soonyoung raised a brow and his best friend just shrugged. “You just inspired me a little, don’t take it personally”

A loud shriek escaped Soonyoung's throat. “OH! Oh that’s so amazing, please make us a love song. You could call it rainbow or something”

The producer just stood up with a wave and left his now blond friend in the chair while a make up artist kept working on him. Almost silently cursing at the idol that was currently bouncing in her chair.

Soonyoung just smiled a little to himself. He couldn’t help but wonder just how cool it would be for you to find him through their music.

The guys often discussed the order of which they would find their other halves. So far none had been that lucky but they had all put money down. He hoped he would be the first one.

In the group his mark was one of the harder ones, no one really had it better than Jun, but hearing your soulmates thoughts, actually being able to communicate was definitely a privilege not many had the pleasure of experiencing.

Mingyu was the one who, according to Soonyoung, had it the worst. How was anyone supposed to find one's soulmates by having food cravings appear on your wrist in black ink?

It had amazed all of them that there was no repetition of their marks within the group. Though it had made it a lot more fun to discuss since none of them had any real knowledge of how it felt. Throughout HYBE there were a few people that shared marks.

Vernon especially talked a lot with both Jimin and Heeseung, all of them always ready to supply each other with soul-band-aids. Just as Jeonghan and Jake had shared their despair and frustrations whenever they ran into eachother.

But Soonyoung was alone with his mark, but he had a heart filled with hope that you would get to him sooner rather than later.

The morning was slow, like most were. After you had gotten your internship the days started later than when you had been at school. You didn’t complain, being a night owl made it a little easier to actually function.

You had been at the salon for almost two months and it was such a blessing. It was one of the more prestigious beauty salons in Seoul. They did everything from make up and hair and had contacts in every major entertainment building in the city.

That had also meant you had signed around one thousand NDA’s when you had gotten the job. It had been somewhat nerve wrecking the first time an idol stepped through the doors, but incredibly enough you got kind of used to it.

The other stylists enjoyed your company. They always answered questions with a smile and weren’t afraid of correcting you or showing you better or faster techniques. It helped a lot that you were a fast learner.

Through your time there you had gotten a few regular customers.

One was B, as you liked to call her. B for bounce and blowouts which was exactly what she ordered whenever she sat down.

She didn’t mind the fact it took a little longer since she got the service for the discounted price.

“Your hair change a lot” she said as she leaned her head a little to the side as she watched you work in the reflection of the mirror in front of you.

You chuckled as you took your hand to adjust the angle of her head.

“You need to sit still if you don’t want me to make your curls crooked”

She laughed out loud. “No but seriously, how does your hair not fall out?”

Your eyes softened a little, a blush staining your cheeks. She lifted a brow, urging you to go on.

“It’s my mark” it had been a while since you had opened up to anyone about it.

Her mouth opened a bit, and a chocked expression painted her face. “Oh wow! That’s a new one. Is that why you’re a stylist? To potentially find him?”

“No” you answered quickly. “I’ve always enjoyed playing with my own hair. Apparently he does too” you shrugged.

“Well at least I’m not the only one with a tricky mark” She smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. You kept working on her hair, trying not to look at her for too long. The last thing you wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable.

“What’s yours?” You asked, hoping you didn’t overstep.

She sighed as she played with the cape. “I find his lost things”

“That sounds… difficult”

B sighed, and looked back up at you. “It wouldn’t be, but it seems that he’s somewhat of a neat freak so he rarely lose anything”

You squeezed her shoulder once and she sent you a thankful smile.

The two of you looked towards the door as the small bell above it chimed, indicating a new client. It was Joshua.

Much like the woman in your chair he came in more often than others. Whenever him and the group was in Seoul he took his time to come in once a week, usually with his mother. But today it seemed that he was alone.

His kind nature made all the women swoon. The fact that he tipped well definetly helped as well.

You watched as the woman in the chair almost shrunk. Slowly a hand crept up in front of her face, sheilding it from the idol. Her face had turned completely red.

You leaned closer. “Your bias?” You whispered.

She nodded.

It was a funny thing; seeing someone who was usually confident, become so small. But you couldn’t help but admire her for not wanting him to be uncomfortable.

Joshua bowed to everyone in the salon as he usually did. You offered a small wave; and he waved back. Eyes lingering at the person in your chair before the door opened and a loud “hyung!” bounced off the wall of the salon, stealing the idols attention.

In walked none other than Hoshi, and now it was your turn to go red. You turned your back to the pair, and you and your client looked at eachother once before bursting into laughter.

As per fucking usual, Joshua had dropped his bagcharm as he had walked out of the car to go into the salon.

And as per fucking usual, Soonyoung forgot that him loosing things usually was on purpose. So he picked it up and ran after him.

That had led to a quiet discussion, Joshua trying desperately not to draw too much attention to him as he scolded one of his younger brothers.

But Soonyoung didn’t hear a single thing. His attention was captured by the laugh he had just heard, a laugh he wanted Woozi to sample just so he could listen to it over and over again.

And his eyes were fixated on the blond hair; a perfect shade match to his own that was hidden behind the beanie he was wearing.

He looked at the woman behind the counter and with a serious tone said: “I need an appointment as well”

Joshua’s head whipped towards him. “Didn’t you just get your hair done?”

He just nodded in response; eyes never really leaving that back that was still towards him. Just one look, he just wanted to see what you looked like, to see if there was a pull.

“Can she do my hair?” He pointed towards you.

The woman looked through the computer and apologized profusely as she discovered your fully booked day.

It didn’t matter; he could still test his theory now that you for some reason refused to turn around.

He ended up in a chair next to Joshua.

“Dude are you sure this is a good idea? I’m pretty sure our manegers are gonna kill you”

Soonyoung took a deep breath. “I don’t care, I’ll just blame her… I just need to see…” he shook his head, keeping the last bit to himself.

I just need to see if it’s her

He couldn’t explain it but it was as if you were the center of the universe, as if you were the reason he was walking this earth.

He had read enough articles about finding ones other half that he knew he would actually have to look into your eyes for the bond to snap into place. Oh and he would make you look at him; one way or another.

“So, what can I do for you?” One of the stylists said. She had worked on him before.

“I wanna do something drastic - like a pink, or maybe a red?”

Joshua’s head whipped towards him. “Can’t you do it somewhere else? I’m gonna get scolded for allowing you to do this”

He just smiled, that smile he always made when he meant trouble. All he got from his hyung in return was rolled eyes.

The stylist came back shortly after with two bowls of color - one pink, one red. He looked to Joshua who only shook is head in a: “don’t look to me for advice”

Soonyoung swallowed once. Twice. “Let’s go with pink” he said with a thight lipped nod.

His heart was almost beating out of his chest, and it almost felt like his lungs couldn’t quite get enough oxygen for his body and brain to function.

Through the mirror his eyes were on your back. He didn’t know if the effect was something that would be seen instantly, or if it would take a while for your hair to change color. But he was ready to come by every day if that was what it took.

You hadn’t dared to look Hoshi’s way. He had been your bias for so long, and you had quickly discovered that Seventeen loved using the stylists your salon provided. You had however expected a heads up before he stepped foot through the door.

“So the hair changing, how quick does that usually happen?”

You shrugged at your client's question. “I’m not really sure, haven’t really seen it in action yet. I guess we’ll find out when we meet”

She smiled. “Seems like it’s in real time if you ask me”

You furrowed your brows before finally looking from her to yourself in the mirror.

Pink stripes were slowly but surely appearing in your hair. You giggled. “Seems like he’s up to no good. I swear it’s literally no more than three days ago that he got the blond hair”

Piercing eyes met yours, and the kindest and most genuine happy smile painted B’s lips.

“I think you need to turn around girl”

And with that a gasp escaped your mouth. With shaking hands you put down the round brush and the curler you had in hand.

The world was moving in almost slow motion. You allowed yourself the embarrassment of having your bias witness you potentially finding your soulmate, but what you hadn’t expected, was your bias now with half of his scalp painted pink and the other half still blond.

Soonyoung sat up a little straighter as he watched you slowly turn around, almost as if he was ready to leap out of the chair. When you finally looked at him, he saw the blond hair slowly switch to match his bubblegum pink hair. He flew from his chair.

Everyone in the salon had stopped working. You could hear a pin drop to the floor.

He maneuvered around the chair and took a shy step towards you. Almost as if he would scare you if he moved too quickly. God he had known from the second he heard that laugh. You were his.

He had found you.

You smiled at him, bright, big and beautiful. That was all it took for him to awaken from his trance. In a few strides he was right in front of you.

His arms found your waist as he lifted you up in his arms in what almost sounded like a roar of happiness. It earned him a surprised squeak followed by a laugh. He spun you around and reveled in how you squeezed him tight, reveled in the scent of you around him.

People clapped but the two of you didn’t really care. You pulled away from him, but he never put you down. He kept you hovering over the floor.

“I think we might need to get the rest of your hair fixed before we do anything else” you said with a laugh he quickly returned.

“How about you fix it then?” He said as he squeezed your hip a little.

It was weird, this feeling of instantly feeling safe with someone, of feeling home.

“Oh hell yeah, let’s switch stylists” B said before waving over the stylist that still had the pink bowl of hair color in her hand.

Soonyoung grabbed your hand and dragged you back to his chair. Joshua had disappeared, it he knew him well, and he did, he had run back to get the guys showered and ready for you to meet them as soon as you were done with his hair. Or your boths hair.

He watched you as you picked up the bowl and carefully colored in the rest of his somewhat short hair.

You were absolutely mesmerizing. Beauty incarnate. He pinched himself once; just to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. He jumped a little at the pain, and as if it was the most natural thing to do, you let your hand caress his neck.

The goosebumps broke out everywhere, and for a second he hated he couldn’t just whisk you away, take you back home and just hold you, kiss you, the rest of the night.

When you had finished his hair the two of you took a picture to add to his notes in the salon mirror. You would never have to worry about matching outfits, cause your hair would always be identical in color.

He had told you about the guys, the group and carats; and he had literally jumped in his seat inside of the car when you told him that he was your bias.

In the elevator he had pulled you close to him, had caressed your cheek and studied your eyes.

He released a breath. “Can I kiss you?” He whispered. His hot breath caressing your skin.

A small nod later and he let his lips meet yours, he was gentle. Right up until a whine escaped your throat. That had released the beast of him within.

Before you could even react you were being lifted off the ground, pressed against the large mirror. Legs around his waist, pulling him closer.

Your hands roamed freely in his hair, down his shoulders and over his chest. Soonyoung pulled away and rested his forehead against your own.

“I’m kind of regretting introducing you to them all right away. I should just steal you away and worship you all night”

Your hands snaked up his neck and you gave him a little squeeze. “You have all night for that; right now we have a bet we need to win”

He let his head fall backwards as he chuckled. “You’re fucking perfect” he slowly put you down, kissing you slow and intimately. The kind of kiss that makes your head spin because you forget where you are.

The elevator doors dinged and he pulled you along down the hall.

“Wait here for just a second” he said with a smile, before opening the door to their practice room.

“YAH!” You heard someone yell as soon as he entered. “You told me I would get the day off and that we didn’t need to practice today!”

Soonyoung didn’t answer, he just smiled, looking at Joshua who only shook his head with a smile. Then he looked at you and extended his han for you to take.

And you did without hesitation.

“You do know our stylists are gonna kill you with that hai-“

Dino was interrupted the second you came into view; and then chaos erupted. Both DK and Seungkwan screamed and were instantly in each other arms as they kept repeating: “really?!”

The maknae just stood there with an open mouth and large eyes as he stared at you, the woman with matching hair to his friend.

Mingyu and Seungcheol were nothing less of a giggling mess as Vernon let out a long; “Aaaaaaaaah” as the pieces finally clicked into place.

“I would like for you all to meet my soulmate. I found her all by myself” the tiger said with such pride, you could do nothing but smile at him sweetly.

The boys were rushing to you a second later. All introducing themselves, asking questions and hugging their friend.

You hadn’t really thought about it, but you guess this meant you now had a whole extra family, and 12 brothers by your side.

note: ARH I CANT BELIVE I’M ACTUALLY DOING THIS 😭😭😭 I had a dream about Hoshi when I was in Berlin for Hobipalooza so I had to start with him. Please please let me know what you think! Your comments and support means the world to me

✦ taglist: @ijustwannareadstuff20 @zaycie @lveegsoi @hellaboredd @loudpeachdetective @why4anne @why-did-i-just-do-this @ramyeonzwithspam @floating-moon-dust @skyearby @acourtofmoonlightandstars @stormy1408 @tunafishyfishylike @sol3chu @blvengene @fics-lovebot @fangirl125reader @fabulousarepo4 @acopenhagenarmy @tunafishyfishylike

Deep breaths. In and out.

A shaky breath escapes your lips as you try to steady the nerves crawling up your spine. New city, new people, new job—it's all a bit much. But new beginnings are good, change is good…or at least, that's what you keep telling yourself.

With one final breath, you shake off the jitters and step into your new workplace—Carat Company.

Smoothing out your skirt, you walk onto your assigned floor. The receptionist greeted you so warmly that it sparked a small comfort in your chest, easing your nerves just a little. Fidgeting with your freshly issued ID tag, you glance around in search of your new boss—

Kwon Soonyoung.

When you told the receptionist you were the new assistant marketing manager, she gave you a pitying smile and muttered, "Good luck, you're going to need it—especially if you're working with him." You still have no idea what that means. Is your boss a tyrant? A slave-driver? Whatever the case, you're determined to prove you're not someone who backs down from a challenge.

Your eyes scan the floor—and then stop on something…strange. Someone's wearing what looks like a tiger fur coat? Okay, bold fashion choice. Their back is turned, but you can tell it's a man. Blonde hair—very unnatural.

Then he turns.

You blink. Sunglasses. Indoors. Coupled with the tiger coat and the flashy hair, he looks like the walking embodiment of a diva.

Must be a client, you think, attempting to ignore him and continue your boss hunt. You wander the floor, eyes peeled for any signs of the marketing manager.

Suddenly, a gasp—and footsteps. You turn around, startled, as the man in the tiger coat bolts toward you.

"Are you the new hire?!" he exclaims, eyes shining.

"I—uh—yes?" you answer, unsure and slightly alarmed.

He gasps again, practically vibrating. "Oh my god! A new horangdan!" he squeals.

A what? Did he just…call you a slur?

"I'm Hoshi! The marketing manager!" he beams.

Hoshi? Marketing manager? Did this man break out of the asylum and assume the role of your boss? That must be it, he must be an insane person who broke into here and just started to call himself the manager. That's the only explanation. There's no way this is the person you're supposed to report to.

"Hoshi?" you repeat, uncertain.

"Well, my government name is Soonyoung, but I prefer Hoshi!" he chirps.

Oh. So…this is the Soonyoung you were looking for.

"You're Kwon Soonyoung?" you ask, still trying to reconcile the name with the image before you.

"Yup! That's me!" he grins. "Oh! I have to initiate you into the Horanghae Club!" he gasps and dashes off before you can react.

You stand frozen, dumbfounded. Did you just join a cult? Is it too late to back out? You glance toward the elevator, calculating how fast you could make a run for it and disappear from this fever dream of a first day.

Before you can act on your escape plan, Soonyoung—Hoshi?—returns.

"Here!" he says cheerfully, handing you a tiger-themed pen.

You take it cautiously and give it a once-over. Despite the ridiculous design, the pen is surprisingly high quality.

"I give one to every horangdan when they join. It's official now!" he says proudly.

You nod slowly, offering the most forced smile in your entire life.

"Oh! And we have to take a horanghae selfie!" he gasps again.

"A what?" you ask, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Just follow my lead!" he instructs, holding up his hand and curling his fingers into a tiger-like claw. You hesitate, then mimic the pose. His smile only widens as he pulls out his phone and snaps a selfie. You stare blankly at the camera, still trying to make sense of everything.

"Perfect! You're officially part of the team! I'll send you the photo on Teams and get it framed too!" he says enthusiastically. "And hey—if you ever need help, don't hesitate to call me!"

With that, he flashes a final grin and heads off toward what must be his office.

Your hand slowly drops from the claw pose as you attempt to process what just happened. One thing's for sure: you'll definitely, definitely hesitate to call him.

Is it too soon to quit?

You think to yourself as you blankly stare at the monitor in front of you. You were prepared to take on anything—prepared day and night for the possible work they might throw at you, learned the latest marketing trends, heck, even braced yourself for the possibility of a boss straight out of a corporate nightmare. But this? This, you did not see coming.

Kwon Soonyoung is in love—no, scratch that—obsessed with tigers. You're convinced that if a genie popped up and offered him three wishes, he'd use every single one to become a tiger.

Somehow, he's also made it his personal mission to transform your desk into a shrine to tiger-kind. The tiger-striped pen was only the beginning. Now you've got a matching mug, keyboard mat, and coaster. Even your desktop wallpaper is tiger-themed—and for some reason, you can't seem to change it. A grinning cartoon tiger stares back at you, almost like it's mocking you. You've never wanted to punch a screen more in your life, but seeing as you'd rather not owe the company for damages, you've restrained yourself.

You lean back in your chair with a resigned sigh, already thinking about quitting—and it's not even lunchtime yet. A boisterous laugh snaps you out of your thoughts, and you look over to see Soonyoung approaching you.

Shit.

You quickly sit up straight and pretend to look busy, hoping that he'll leave you alone if he sees you're busy. But unfortunately, he doesn't.

"Hey Y/N! How's everything going so far?" he beams, adjusting his fur coat and slipping off his sunglasses like he's stepping onto a runway instead of into the office.

"Uh—yeah, it's going fine. Just slowly getting the hang of things," you reply with an awkward smile.

"Did you see your wallpaper?!" he asks, practically bouncing. "I personally begged the IT team to set everyone's desktop to adorable tigers!"

"It's…cute?" you manage to say.

"I knew you'd love it!" he beams, proud of himself.

Then, he gasps like he's just witnessed a crime, clutching his chest with theatrical flair. "Wait—don't tell me—you don't have your custom keyboard and mouse yet?!"

"My what now?" you blink at him, completely lost.

"I made a special request—a custom tiger-themed keyboard and mouse just for you! Only the best for my assistant manager!" he beams proudly. Then he pouts. "But they're not here. I think IT might've ignored my request."

Thank god, you think.

"It's no problem, Soonyoung. I'm more than happy with what I have," you say with a polite smile, hoping to end this tiger crusade.

"No! Absolutely not! My assistant manager does not use cheap equipment!" he declares with righteous conviction. "I'll make sure you get them—I promise!"

"I-it's really okay, Soonyoung—" you try to reassure him, desperation creeping in.

"Nonsense!" he grins, throwing you a wink. "Only the best for my assistant manager."

"Wow…how generous of you," you say through gritted teeth.

"I'm heading to IT right now!" he announces before dramatically striding off.

You stare after him, completely defeated. With a deep breath, you rise from your seat and let out a long, weary exhale.

You're going to HR.

You can't do this anymore. You don't even know what you're going to say, but you'll figure it out when you get there. All you know is that something has to be done about this lunatic. And so, you march. Straight to HR.

[…]

You let out a slow exhale and knock twice before stepping into the HR manager's office. Inside, a man is furiously typing away at his keyboard, too engrossed to notice your presence. You glance at the nameplate on his desk—Lee Jihoon; Human Resources Manager.

You take a cautious few steps in, but he doesn't even flinch. Still typing. Still scowling. You clear your throat.

He finally looks up and raises an unimpressed eyebrow. "Can I help you?"

"I'm here to file a complaint," you say, shifting awkwardly.

"Is it a Hoshi-related complaint?" he asks with a resigned sigh.

Your eyebrows shoot up, and your mouth parts slightly. How did he know?

"Uh—yes?"

He exhales again, shaking his head as he mutters something under his breath that you're pretty sure was "not again".

"Put it in that box," he says, pointing to the corner of the room before returning to his screen.

You follow his gesture and turn to look, and your jaw practically hits the floor. A cardboard box, overflowing with paper. It's stuffed so full that several complaints have spilt out and are lying abandoned on the floor around it.

How is this man still employed? You wonder, genuinely baffled.

Staring at the box, you come to a decision. It's not worth it. Filing a complaint won't make a dent in the madness that is Kwon Soonyoung.

With your soul dispirited, you accept your fate and drag yourself back to your desk in defeat.

Taking another long sip of your coffee, you step onto your floor, hoping that the caffeine would give you enough fuel to get through the day. You went home completely exhausted yesterday despite having been given very little work; you suspect it has something to do with your tiger-obsessed boss.

Speaking of your tiger-obsessed boss, you spot him chatting with someone, his back facing you, and you do a full double-take. He's wearing a normal shirt. No stripes, no tiger prints, nothing. Just…normal. For a second, you wonder if your eyes are playing tricks on you, but that unmistakable bleach-blonde hair confirms it—it's definitely him.

"Huh, maybe I misjudged him too quickly," you mutter to yourself as you take in his office-appropriate outfit.

Just as the last words leave your mouth, Soonyoung turns around, revealing a tiger print tie.

"Never mind," you sigh. You can't believe you actually had hope for this man.

His face lights up the moment he sees you, and he jogs over, grinning from ear to ear.

"Good morning, Y/N!" he greets you with his horanghae pose.

"…Good morning, Soonyoung," you mutter, forcing a tight-lipped smile.

"I told you to call me Hoshi," he pouts, his shoulders drooping like a scolded kid instead of a grown marketing manager.

"…I've got work to do, so I'll be heading to my desk now," you say, keeping the forced smile plastered on your face.

"Good luck with work!" Soonyoung cheers as you walk away.

You reach your desk and sink into your chair with a sigh. That's when you notice something new—something that definitely wasn't there yesterday. Sitting proudly on your desk is a picture frame…with the selfie you took with Soonyoung yesterday. You pick it up, scoffing in disbelief. He actually framed it.

Your expression in the photo is pure confusion, while Hoshi's is pure joy. The contrast is almost comedic—almost.

Grumbling, you shove the frame into the nearest drawer, silently vowing never to look at it again. You boot up your desktop, only to be greeted by that same infuriating tiger wallpaper, grinning back at you like it knows exactly what it's doing.

You let out a heavy sigh and rub your temples, trying to ground yourself. It's only the second day, you remind yourself. Taking one last deep breath, you open your email and dive into work.

[…]

A notification blinks on your screen, snapping you out of your work-induced daze. Team meeting in 20 minutes. Deciding that a quick snack might help you survive whatever chaos awaits, you head toward the break room.

As you step inside, you spot Soonyoung already there, happily making himself a cup of coffee. You inwardly groan—talking to him was the last thing you wanted. Still, you figure it wouldn’t hurt to gather a little intel about the upcoming meeting.

"Hello, Soonyoung," you greet, but he doesn't react—he simply carries on making his coffee.

You furrow your eyebrows in confusion; did he not hear you? You clear your throat and greet him again, louder. But once again, his focus is only on the coffee in his hand.

Worry etches onto your face. Is he upset with you? Did you do something to offend him? Does he hate you? Oh god—

Wait.

"…Hoshi?" you murmur.

Soonyoung turns to look at you, a bright smile on his face.

"Yes?" he chirps.

Your shoulders slump, and your expression says it all—you're done. With an audible sigh, you drag a hand down your face, trying to gather whatever scraps of patience you have left.