#horseface

Thats right BITCH OPEN YOUR EYES

The relief im feeling rn its BEEN YEARS

SM YEARS and he finally realised his feelings

Vaquero!Jean Kirsten hcs because a certain friend of mine put an idea in my head and it's my duty to report to Tumblr.

NOT PROOF READ.

Reblogs, likes and comments are appreciated! Like this? Feel free to request anything else or for me to make this a fic :)

Enjoy!

Vaquero!Jean who's loyal to a fault. His girl is everything to him and quite literally nothing could change that. Any chance to bring you up he takes, especially if it's an opportunity to brag.

Vaquero!Jean who keeps a photo of you in his wallet, and one in his shirt pocket right over his heart.

Vaquero!Jean who refuses to dance with anyone else at a baile. It's you or no one. If you aren't there, he dances with a chair or keeps his pretty ass sat down.

Vaquero!Jean who when dancing with you, keeps his hand on the small of your back. Steady and guiding as he leads you through whatever you two are doing. (Extra: For my fellow Hispanics who get it, when dancing huapangos he knows the hair rule.)

Vaquero!Jean that will make sure you know he only has eyes for you. His gaze doesn't wander, thoughts don't trail off to another person, he's entirely and completely yours.

Vaquero!Jean that would rather die than drop you or fuck up during a quebradita.

Vaquero!Jean who walks up behind you, takes his hat and puts it on you then pulls you flush against him when you're being hit on.

^To add off of this, he never explains hat rules to you. But he does let you take his hat off and put in on yourself, smirking to himself as others stare and try to pick their jaws up when they see it.

Vaquero!Jean that's always within 15 feet from you. He won't constantly trail behind you, breathe down your neck, let's you frolic and have your personal space, but he stays close and watches. Always silently there and ready to step in or let you run to him if needed.

Vaquero!Jean who doesn't care what shit you've gotten yourself into; if you need help you come to him and he'll deal with it.

Vaquero!Jean that practically lets you get away with murder. He can't stay mad at you for long, you know he'll melt eventually and give in. Usually, the max time he's pissy for being three days.

Warning for the next few : pretty vanilla smut/nsfw

Ever heard the lyric save a horse ride a coybow? Well it applies here. He absolutely loves letting you use him however you need. Particularly enjoys when you ride him and he can just sit back and admire the view like a freak.

He has an iron grip, whenever you are bouncing on top of his length, his fingers dig into your hips hard enough to bruise the next day.

Vaquero!Jean that'll give it to you anytime or anywhere. You're his girl and his girl gets what she wants- even if that's getting fucked stupid in the stables.

Vaquero!Jean who's a selfish bastard. He doesn't care if other people will see the marks he leaves and judge you. He leaves dark bruises and sharp bites on your neck, collar, shoulders, anywhere you'll give him access.

Vaquero!Jean who's a pervert at heart. He has the nastiest fantasies about you, writhing underneath him as he takes his time worshipping every bit of your skin. He often let's his mind trail off to these places when working on his farm, by the time he's brought back down to earth he's already hiking up a huge tent.

Vaquero!Jean who always gets pussy drunk. Typically after the second round. His words become incomprehensible, slurred, groans constantly leaving his mouth with praises he can barely finish before wanting to moan again.

“Horse face”

Yes, it is very unrealistic within the setting.

GRRM tries to recreate modern day playground dynamics with these ultra-highborn feudal kids, and while there are instances where it works (the young children all playing in the godswood together), the name calling is an instance that seems implausible because of the status differences involved. It's ridiculous in a world where rulership is tied to the individual, where personal dignity and reputation are key. Anyone disrespecting the lord's own daughter so openly without consequence? Unlikely.

Since we are forced to accept it as a canon fact (early installment weirdness), we can only guess that GRRM was aiming to establish just how casual the Northern court was run in terms of status and hierarchy (which is contradicted a LOT by Jon's perspective, though) in order to help set up the Trident incident. It was a case of plot convenience.

Arya assaulting the crown prince seems a little more credible when you posit a background where a steward's daughter was free to insult her. In Arya'a eyes, it was a free for all. Which serves to show just how ill prepared she was for the wider world of the royal court.

But yeah, as far as realism goes, it's not a great choice on GRRM's part.

The only good thing we can take from it is that it establishes how excellent Jeyne Poole is at saddling someone with an unfortunate nickname. Theon knew about horseface even though he barely spent time with the girls. And her invention of "Horror and Slobber" for Horas and Hobber Redwyne is taken up by Tyrion and Cersei and likely countless others in the Red Keep, who have no idea just who came up with it.

Jean: Ha! That means you're neither.

Eren: ...And I'm the reason they need brain and brawl to begin with. I'm their motivation. I'm their glue. So sit down horseface before I glue your ass to the nearest chair.