#hook jokes

*Jolene and Rein relax on the deck of the Waves of Fortune in sun chairs*

Rein: Y’know…Life’s been pretty good lately.

*Rein leans back in his chair*

Jolene: Little too good actually, nothing good can last this long

Rein: You’re so paranoid for a drunk, nothing’s gonna happen.

*The Glowing Bulb on Rein’s left hand suddenly comes to life and starts to speak*

The Snatcher: (Pre-Recorded Vegapunk Voice) This Vegapunk Prosthetic Mult-Tool and Hand model has been reported for [CRIMINAL USAGE] and will no be locked, your current location will be alerted to the Marines effective immediately! Have a quasar day!!

*Jolene looks at Rein with a smirk*

Rein: (Annoyed) Not a word.

*We cut ahead 20 minutes to Wavey deep under the ocean and the crew trying to fiddle with Rein’s hand*

Rein: *Messing with it with a screwdriver* (Angry) Damn It! You’re my hand!! You’re supposed to listen to me!!

*Rein manages to pry the palm open with the screwdriver*

Jolene: I can’t believe how fast the Marine mobilized on our position.

Rein: Stolen Vega-Tech is pretty important, too bad they’d have to go 130 leagues under the sea to get us.

Mono: You do know they’re right on top of us right?

Rein: 130 leagues above us yes, they know we’re here but they can’t do anything about it.

Jolene: What if they call their subs?

Rein: Wavey will handle it probably, now help me fix this stupid thing.

*Rein lifts the compartment with a screw driver but is hit with another message*

The Snatcher: (Pre-Recorded Vegapunk Voice) Uh Oh, you’re attempting to tamper with my work. Do that and The Vegapunk Prosthetic Mult-Tool and Hand will fizzle out and die.

Rein: Ok, I guess I can’t use that anymore.

Jolene: Not unless you can get Vegapunk himself to reset it.

Rein: Or someone just as smart…too bad there is no one that smart. Well I think it’s decided, I’m gonna get Vegapunk to fix my hand!!

Mono: Isn’t he deeply intertwined with the Marines and his Island is under constant protection?

Rein: And when has “Constant Protection” ever stopped me or us at all? We’ll do it, and escape like *He snaps his fingers* That!!

Sol: So what are you gonna do for a hand until than?

Rein: Well let’s see…this hand would transform with my body when I shifted into my zoan form…but since we’re locked out I don’t think I’ll be able to fly, at least not for long…*Mutter Mutter*

Sol: Oi Big Man!! What are you gonna do for a hand?

Rein: *He snaps back to focus* Sorry, I have that all worked out.

*Rein walks away to his room and than comes back out with a silver hook encrusted with gemstones*

Rein: I present to you “Rein a la Crocodile”

*Rein holds up his hook*

Jolene: Damn, that’s not impressive at all.

Rein: Yeah I know, hooks suck compared to robot hands but it’s all I have.

Mono: Isn’t Sir Crocodile’s hook gold? And…less sparkly?

Rein: Shh, this is my take on the hook. It’s as functional as it is shiny, and when the light hits it just right I become a disco ball.

*Rein adjusts his position to the light and reflects back the light beams as pretty colors*

Rein: (Excited) ROYGBIV SUCKERS!! See it’s not all bad.

Jolene: This takes me back to my clubbing days, though I don’t actually remember those very well?

Mono: Wow!!! It’s so beautiful captain!!

Hati: I can’t see it but I bet it’s great.

Sol: *Her eyes widen* (Quietly) So Sparkly…

Rein: What was that Sol?

Sol: (Defensively) I said it’s an eyesore!! Shikikiki!!