I know yall probably know about poverty and generational poverty and what not but I just want to ventā¦.
Because like⦠the things people donāt like know about generational poverty unless theyāre experiencing it is just how⦠trapped you feel⦠weighed down by absolutely everything.
See I honestly think something may be up with our gas line
Which is a terrifying thought.
Now, idk if itās a leak per se (though weāve got the windows cracked just in case) but if we turn on our stove the gas smell is really strong, the flame flairs out of the sides of the stove, etc.
Shit that shouldnāt be happening.
Shit that is really fucking dangerous.
We know this is dangerous, weāre not stupid.
We know we should get it fixed.
But hereās the thing, okay?
The floors are just base boards, theyāre falling in and thereās holes everywhere.
Thereās rats that weāve tried every trick in the book to get rid of, short of hiring an exterminator. Weāve borrowed traps, had traps āgiftedā to us, tried poisons that friends and family have bought for us, etc. It cuts them down but they come back.
All of our food is in thick sealed plastic containers and yet theyāve eaten some of the containers open. They even ate our soap and makeup and cleaning supplies and that didnāt seem to stop them. (Our soap and cleaning supplies are now in plastic containers too but idk how long it will deter them, and the makeup is thrown away)
We have shoddy wiring in the house, done by my own grandpa back in the 70ās when they first bought this place.
Our roof has cracks in it that have failing patches, done by a family friend.
Our AC doesnāt exactly work very well and itās been reaching 100°F weather (with 70% humidity no less) and to fix it weād need $10k at least, but weād also need new flooring, so it would likely be more than thatā¦
And like, itās not that the house is dirty, but that itās falling apart.
And hereās the deal⦠calling someone who knows whatās what about houses to check the stove means calling someone who is going to inspect the whole house, someone whoās going to say:
āhey uh, your gas is messed up and your electricity is messed up and soās your plumbing⦠Your floors are bad⦠we have to condemn this house and if you canāt pay to fix it up then youāre going to lose it.ā
And itās not like we got this house and destroyed it by a lack of maintenance, this house is like, 50+ years old, and has been my home since I was born.
My grandma and I couldnāt take care of everything because my grandpa had Alzheimerās and he was going downhill and it was me and her caring for him.
My health is really bad and I canāt work a regular day job because of it, but I havenāt been able to hire a lawyer to apply for disability, so weāre living off one income and whatever side gigs I can do from time to time.
We donāt have the money to pay the mortgage, buy groceries, pay the home insurance, the gas bill, pay medical bills, buy pet food, etc and also then pay for our house to be inspected and potentially condemned for things I didnāt even do in the first place, things that came before I inherited this houseā¦
My whole family has been poor my whole life, from my great great grandparents to my parents, etc.
It was always āyou donāt pay for a professional to fix it, you either fix it yourself or get a family member or a friend of a friend to fix itā
Which means that if we ask a building inspector to tell us whatās wrong with the house⦠well⦠itās going to probably be everything. Because this house has never been āprofessionallyā fixed, itās only ever had family members and friends of family members slap duct tape over glaring issues and say theyāll only charge you a glass of sweet tea.
Which means itāll probably cost nearly the entire value of the house to fix tbh.
I just feel like Iām on a ship thatās sinking and way more water is coming in than I could ever manage to get out. I keep trying to patch the leaks but the materials just not available, and besides, if I stop bailing out the water for even a second to go and try and patch the leak, Iāll go fully underwater.
And you know, itās not fair. Itās not right that itās like this. This is our home and we love it. This has been my home for years and we love this house, this land, the trees and plants that grow, everything here is loved. Itās cared for. We try to take pride in it.
But you wouldnāt know that because weāre too busy trying to bail out that sinking ship. Weāre too busy from constantly working and cleaning and repairing.
Itās not okay that itās set up that way. We need help, we need community. We should be able to call someone and be like āHey, we love this house, weāve never been late on a payment, weāve worked our butts off to try and keep things going, but we need help. Can you look at everything this house needs to function and be in good condition and help us get those things?ā
Like, hell a payment plan option would work, wouldnāt it? Why isnāt that the done thing?
I mean, I know why, the more houses that are taken from the poor means the more real estate thatās available for the rich, theyāre already trying to make our whole neighbourhood into some corporate venture instead of a residential area. And besides, if they manage to make us homeless theyād be just as happy throwing us in jail for the ācrimeā of being homeless and poor and making money off free labour.
Like thatās why itās normal practice not to help anyone keep their home when they actually have a home. The system is set up for you to fail unless your family is at least moderately wealthy.
Itās just such an unforgiving cycle. And I know Iām beating a dead horse with this vent. I know that like over half of Americaās population is likely in the same shitty place weāre in.
Itās just⦠Iām so tired of being in cycles like these.
Iām too sick to work, too poor to afford to get on disability, and both too poor and too exhausted to go to the doctor to get proper treatment, and itās just a loop.
Iām too exhausted to fix the house, too busy cleaning the house to rest, too exhausted to make money to have professionals help fix the house, rinse and repeat.
The house breaking down is very likely making me more sick, but Iām too sick to be able to get the house fixed.
My grandparents didnāt have money to fix the house, my parents donāt have money to fix theirs, I donāt have money to fix my house.
Every step forward is like ten steps backwards and I genuinely donāt know what the solution to all of this is.
I feel so fucking trapped. I donāt even have the energy to run a gofundme for myself to try and get the help we need, because it takes so so much to to actually get a gofundme up and off the ground, I have tried before and itās always been a failure because I just literally never have enough energy for it.
We have so many things weād love to do. Weād love to make this house into an eco-friendly, sustainable home, with solar panels and a huge garden. We want to make a farm stand with fresh eggs and vegetables and fruit and let it operate on an honour system, so anyone who needs food can take what they need and pay what they can, yes even if itās $0. I want to crochet hats and mittens and set those out too, for sale or just for those who need themā¦
We want so badly to take care of our community⦠but it feels like our community isnāt there to support us, not because people donāt want to support one another but because weāre all trapped or are being prevented from supporting one another.
Because having a farm-stand means you need to buy business licenses⦠building a sustainable home means you need to buy a building permit.
Every step of the way feels like good intentions are wasted, road-blocked.
I canāt even begin to explain how many jobs Iāve applied to, writing, editing, working as a cook or a waiter, data entry, etc.
In school they told me Iād be able to do anything I wanted to. I was a āgiftedā straight A student and as Iām sure many people on this site know, thatās not bragging. Itās the opposite. The school system, the system that is supposed to help me be successful in life, told me I would be, and now I would be lucky to make $7.25/an hour while living in a place where the minimum liveable wage is $35/an hour.
It costs $35 an hour for one person to live moderately comfortably in my town. And this isnāt an arbitrary number, itās literally on our countyās government ran poverty assessment website.
And thatās not a thriving wage itās a surviving wage. Itās Home, Food, Utilities, Transportation & Clothes.
It leaves no room for medical care, comfort, entertainment, etc.
So what the hell are those of us who are working for anything less than that, or those of us unable to work, supposed to do?!
And like I said, I know Iām preaching to a choir rn, I know everyone is experiencing some version of this. I just⦠I need to be able to express it from time to time. To talk about how unfair and ridiculous and needlessly cruel this is.
Itās so deeply flawed and evil that weāre unable to have legitimate health concerns inspected because weāre worried about the house being taken away from us.
Itās trash. Itās inhumane.
And if anyone has any like⦠suggestions or advice that would be great⦠Iām considering just having our gas service canceled by our gas company and buying a small electric grill instead⦠but our gas also powers our hot water heater soā¦