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if you ask the Hat for a specific House or if you disagree with where it wants to put you, you go to Gryffindor, because that shows daring and plain bold courage.
if you ask the Hat where you would be best suited/where you would thrive, you go to Slytherin, because that shows ambition and logical forward-thinking.
if you ask the Hat about itself, about Hogwarts, about magic, about classes, about anything that isn't what House you're going to, you go to Ravenclaw, because that shows curiosity and a desire for knowledge.
if you don't ask the Hat anything, and instead quietly accept whatever it tells you, you go to Hufflepuff, because that shows trust and a willingness to do your best no matter where it places you.
Meta: Hogwarts Ghosts as Anti-House Symbols (feat. the Bloody Baron vs. Severus Snape)
I saw a post which argued, in part, that Ravenclaw's ghost is a poor example of a good Ravenclaw. This made me consider whether other Hogwarts houses have ghosts that make them look better, and I realized it's the opposite — the House ghosts work as warnings for what each House could become. Snape's contrast with the Bloody Baron especially shows that Snape has triumphed above the doomed narrative that the ghosts represent.
(TW: mention of suicide.)
Gryffindor: Sir Nicholas
As we know from the Sorting Hat's song in Book 1, the Gryffindor ideal is to be "brave at heart," full of "daring, nerve, and chivalry." Sir Nicholas, however, is... not that. We see him trying to get Harry, Ron, and Hermione to solve his problems with the Headless Hunt for him in CoS's Deathday Party chapter by vouching that he is "very frightening and impressive," essentially allowing him to hide behind false praise from people who are of less power in the ghostly world (since presumably it is the living who are being frightened by ghosts). This is the very opposite of chivalry. As for bravery, Sir Nicholas admits in OotP, "I was afraid of death," indeed unusually so, because he became a ghost to avoid it and "very few wizards choose that path" (ch. 38). Sir Nick, then, is not a paragon of Gryffindor excellence.
Hufflepuff: The Fat Friar
Hufflepuffs are supposed to be "just and loyal," "patient," and "true and unafraid of toil," according to the Sorting Hat. The first glimpse we see of the Fat Friar (his argument with Sir Nick in Book 1 over whether Peeves can attend the feast) seems to show his patience with Peeves, but it in fact shows his unwillingness to be just. Peeves has proven himself consistently to be disruptive to social gatherings, and the Fat Friar has mistaken forgiving him with allowing him to continue unchecked. It is harder to draw conclusions on the other Hufflepuff traits for the Friar, given his limited presence in the books, but the description of the Fat Friar recalls Friar Tuck from the Robin Hood legends. While Friar Tuck was known for robbing the rich to give to the poor, he was also known for consistently using the money from the rich to indulge himself, thus benefiting from the perceived spiritual authority of a monk's vow of poverty without going through the hard work of keeping that vow. This is hardly being loyal or true to his word, nor being unafraid of toil. The Fat Friar, like Sir Nick, has not shown the best of his House.
Ravenclaw: The Grey Lady/Helena Ravenclaw
The Sorting Hat song says that Ravenclaws are "wise," with "a ready mind" and "wit and learning." While there is not much information on Helena Ravenclaw, we know that she told Tom Riddle where the diadem was because he flattered her (hardly wise behavior) and then concealed that she had done so until the last possible moment (even less wise). She also tells Harry her true identity without initially meaning to do so, which is not generally an indication of a ready mind.
Slytherin: The Bloody Baron
The Slytherin ideal as expressed in the Sorting Hat song, as I've discussed in this meta, hinges on friendship. By stabbing his desired lover, the Baron fails the friendship test. He also fails the more typical tests of Slytherin "cunning" and "achieving [one's] ends," as there is nothing cunning about getting carried away by anger, doing something you don't intend to do (rather than coolly "using any means," or, in other words, doing what you do intend to do), and then failing to achieve anything resembling your goal (in this case, getting the girl).
Case Study: Severus Snape and the Bloody Baron
It's interesting to see what happens when we contrast the Baron with Severus Snape, a Slytherin as he ought to be. (As for why Snape can be used as an example of the Slytherin ideal, indeed the best such example in the series — one reason among many is that Harry, in the epilogue, uses Snape as his single, sufficient example that Slytherins can be truly good.)
At first glance, the Baron and Snape seem incredibly similar. They are both described as being "gaunt" (the Baron in Book 1, Snape in CoS) and silent (Snape says "Silence!" quite frequently). They perform roles of keeping difficult beings in line; the Baron is "the only one who can control" Peeves (PS/SS ch. 7), and Snape "had the gift of keeping a class silent without effort" (PS/SS ch. 8) and has made himself known to Ron Weasley, likely via Fred and George, as someone not to be crossed. In HBP, we learn the Baron haunts the Astronomy Tower, only to see Snape kill Dumbledore on the Astronomy Tower in that very book.
In death, at first it seems the similarities have come to a climax. The Baron's "blank staring eyes" (PS/SS ch. 7) have always sounded like Snape's "cold and empty" ones a chapter later, but at Snape's death his eyes explicitly get the descriptor "blank" as well. Snape's death scene leaves him (surely) covered in blood like the Baron, with "silvery blue" memories coming from him as well, like the Baron's silver blood, and the visual seems complete. Yet the language surrounding Snape's death dwells on the lack of blood: "Snape looked as though there was no blood left in him." Although there is surely blood all over him, the book does not mention this, though it does not shy away from doing so for the Baron. This is our first indicator that all is not as it seems.
When we arrive at the Prince's Tale, we already know the Baron's backstory. (Incidentally, the titles are another connector and differentiator between the characters; it's better to be a Prince than a Baron.) The Baron is the sort of person we might easily assume Snape to be, on a cursory read of the Prince's Tale... but they are actually very different. Let's break down the Grey Lady's narration in DH ch. 31, because the parallels and contrasts are remarkably complex:
The Baron "had long loved" a woman who "spurned his advances." (Snape certainly loved Lily for most of his life, but she rejected his apology — there is no indication of his ever making "advances" that Lily spurned.)
The Baron "would not rest" until he had found Helena to pass along Rowena's pleas for reconciliation. (Snape shows similar determination, but that determination is to find parental figure Dumbledore for Lily's benefit, not the other way around. Finding Dumbledore, he has cause to think, will result in his death, not in any romantic benefit.)
The Baron is hot-tempered (this is true of Snape).
The Baron, however, "became violent" (Snape is remarkably nonviolent, given how often his situation warrants the use of force).
The Baron is "furious at [Helena's] refusal." (No indication at all of this from Snape; he seems to take Lily's refusal without anger towards her.)
The Baron is also "jealous of [Helena's] freedom." (Snape is happy Lily has power as a witch. He does have an instance of saying "I won't let you —" but in context, where they're talking about how Lily's got the wrong idea about James, it seems probable that he would have said "I won't let you be taken in." When Lily gets angry over this phrasing, he rephrases "at once": "I didn't mean — I just don't want to see you made a fool of —" and then he points out that James, who fancies Lily, is not what everyone thinks he is. All this supports Lily's freedom, as people being deceived are not free. Snape is described as having "bitterness" here, but it's towards James, not Lily.)
The Baron then stabs Helena in a rush of anger. (Snape unintentionally and indirectly brought about Lily's death by relaying a prophecy which he did not believe had anything to do with her or her family. The two situations are clearly different.)
"When he saw what he had done, he was overcome with remorse." (True of both of them.)
The Baron then kills himself. (We know Snape was also suicidal — "I wish I were dead" — but he chooses life in the face of this; in that moment, he sees living will let him help right his wrongs, protect Lily's son, and destroy Voldemort. By the time he dies, Snape has regained a sense of purpose, and he is struggling vainly with the enchanted cage because he wants to live.)
Lastly, the final thing we learn of the Bloody Baron specifically is that "he wears his chains as an act of penitence" — but these chains are an obvious bit of virtue-signaling, as they don't pose any real restriction on the Baron's activities. (Snape's constraints as a spy, on the other hand, chain him far more wholly.)
Perhaps it is partly due to these reasons that we do not see Snape in any form of preservation-after-death, whether a portrait or a Resurrection Stone shade. He is entirely distinct from the ghosts; he has succeeded where they have not, gone on where they have failed to tread, and he needs no moderating version of himself to show what might have been. His legacy is a living child's middle name — a memory and inspiration, but not a command to repeat him over again, for there is no need to do so.
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Are you still wondering which Hogwarts House you belong in? After all this time?
Answer these fifteen questions for a true to life sorting!
{Please make your answer clear by listing the question number; ex: 5A}
1. Choose the magical creature that best fits you.
1A - Bowtruckle
1B - Dragon
1C - Nargle
1D - Occamy
1E - Niffler
2. You and your friend find an ancient statue of a wizard. On it is a precious gemstone that looks like it's very loose. Your friend warns you not to remove it, but what do you do?
2A - There's no plaque saying this is cursed, so I'll risk it.
2B - That looks like it could pay for someone’s tuition for a whole year. I'm going to take it.
2C - You're right, this place is spooky, let's get out of here!
2D - Come on wuss, what's the worst that could happen?
3. Who would be your closest friend?
3A - Hermione
3B - Fred & George
3C - Sirius
3D - Luna
4. Muggle cellphones aren't allowed at school. What do you do?
4A - How amazing would my Instagram posts be at a beautiful place like Hogwarts?? I have to slip it in!
4B - I get homesick easily, and my mum sends me pics of my dog to make me feel better. I need to bring it!
4C - Forget cell phones, magic is much more fun!
4D - Who needs the problems that cellphones bring? I prefer to see drama in person.
5. Your friend is throwing a party in the common room, but you have a big history exam tomorrow. What do you do?
5A - Eh I'll study later. I want to party!
5B - I'll study a little, then go. Maybe I'll bring the notes to the party... And make sure no one spills butter beer on it...
5C - I have to pass this test! {I am NOT getting another Howler thank you very much.} Sorry, but I'll study.
5D - This subject is actually really interesting, so it will be more fun to study than party. Besides… people will be there.
6. You see someone crying in the hall during class. What do you do?
6A - Ask if they're okay, and try to comfort them. The professor will understand.
6B - I'm not good with these things! I'll just make it worse if I stop. And if I get in trouble for skipping, then I'll cry.
6C - Go find someone else to help. I have to get back to class! {Again, Howlers...}
6D - If they're still there when I get back then I'll ask if they're okay.
7. What role would you pick in a snowball fight?
7A - Frontlines - all or nothing.
7B - Behind a carefully built snow fort.
7C - That one kid who shoves a snowball down someone's shirt.
7D - Inside sipping hot cocoa, watching the madness where it's warm.
8. What is your idea of the best date?
8A - A carriage ride ending with a candle lit path leading to your dinner.
8B - An impromptu trip to Hogsmeade for a butterbeer.
8C - A scavenger hunt around the castle leading to the astronomy tower for stargazing.
8D - Pulling pranks together, because you're a dork. (And they love it.)
9. What do you smell with Amortentia?
9A - The scent of the sea, leather seats on roadtrips, carnival food.
9B - The smoky scent of a fire, pines and the forest, chocolate.
9C - The smell of a grassy field, fresh blankets, old books.
9D - Flowery perfume, your favorite sit down restaurant, vanilla candles.
10. Which spell would you use most often?
10A - Accio
10B - Lumos
10C - Obliviate
10D - Apparating
11. Your pet goes missing well after curfew. What do you do?
11A - It's dangerous in the castle - I mean, have you seen Fluffy on the third floor?? I have to go look for them!
11B - They wander off all the time. I'm sure they’ll be fine. I have to get to sleep.
11C - Maybe I can convince my roommates to go looking for them while I wait to see if they come back.
11D - There's gotta be a spell for this...
12. What subject most interests you?
12A - Magic History
12B - Charms or Potions
12C - Defense Against the Dark Arts
12D - Care of Magical Creatures
13. Which common rooms do you like best? Cough cough.
13A - Ravenclaw's library tower
13B - Hufflepuff's hobbit hole
13C - Slytherin's underwater wonderland
13D - Gryffindor's party tower
14. Which magical object would you use most often?
14A - Quick-write quill
14B - Timeturner
14C - Magically expanded bag
14D - Flying broom
15. Lastly, where would you most want to be right now?
15A - Somewhere bright and airy - maybe in one of the towers.
15B - With good friends in Hogsmeade.
15C - Curled up in bed with the lights off.
15D - Out enjoying nature. Perhaps paying Hagrid and Buckbeak a visit.
Now for the sorting! Here is the key for you to use to tally your points.
In truth, the answers are a bit more nuanced than simply corresponding to a house automatically. But for your ease, I’ve done so anyway. I’ll happily look over every submitted set of answers, but in case I can’t get to them, this is the cheat guide.
1A - Hufflepuff
1B - Gryffindor or Slytherin
1C - Ravenclaw
1D - Slytherin
1E - Hufflepuff
2A - Ravenclaw
2B - Slytherin
2C - Hufflepuff
2D - Gryffindor
3A - Ravenclaw
3B - Gryffindor
3C - Slytherin
3D - Hufflepuff
4A - Slytherin
4B - Hufflepuff
4C - Ravenclaw
4D - Gryffindor
5A - Gryffindor
5B - Hufflepuff
5C - Slytherin
5D - Ravenclaw
6A - Hufflepuff
6B - Slytherin
6C - Ravenclaw
6D - Gryffindor
7A - Gryffindor
7B - Ravenclaw
7C - Slytherin
7D - Hufflepuff
8A - Slytherin
8B - Hufflepuff
8C - Ravenclaw
8D - Gryffindor
9A - Gryffindor
9B - Hufflepuff
9C - Ravenclaw
9D - Slytherin
10A - Hufflepuff
10B - Gryffindor
10C - Slytherin
10D - Ravenclaw
11A - Gryffindor
11B - Hufflepuff
11C - Slytherin
11D - Ravenclaw
12A - Ravenclaw
12B - Slytherin
12C - Gryffindor
12D - Hufflepuff
13A - Ravenclaw
13B - Hufflepuff
13C - Slytherin
13D - Gryffindor
14A - Ravenclaw
14B - Slytherin
14C - Hufflepuff
14D - Gryffindor
15A - Ravenclaw
15B - Gryffindor
15C - Slytherin
15D - Hufflepuff
Now tally it up and see which house wins! Comment your answers and/or results!
