#hoensty

My life was something like this: work, work, work, party, recover at work, work, party, party, recover. I didn't make time do ANYTHING besides work and getting high. BUT! As long as someone else thought I was doing something amazing, I felt legit. I was living a life where I defined myself through other people's opinions of me. Instead of doing things that made me feel good, I did things that looked good to other people.

There was always a sadness when I'd tell a lie or put on a facade for someone. I really did want to be that person: the artist, crafter, bookworm, activist, spin-class enthusiast, you name it. HA! The only thing I painted was my face and the only literature you'd find under my nose would be the likes of Cat Fancy or Women's Health. Doing things that were good for me physically, spiritually, and intellectually all took backseat to my number one: the party.

When I stripped away the booze and drugs, I wasn't left with much of an identity. I know there are things I'd like to do and hobbies I've done in the past that made me feel good. Now that I've FINALLY realized that there is life outside of techno bars, I can actually stop talking and take action. I can do things! Whatever those things are, I can do them...and do them for me! For me!!! Because they make ME feel good! What a concept!