"Okay, Pisces Playhouse, let's go- ooh look my character's a COOL DUDE! And I'm a firm believer that having cool sunglasses can help you save the universe, which is why I'm going to wear them this episode"
This game-- unlike any other so far-- has an intro! A blue spaceship soars through a sky full of stars, and inside, a boy with a red fauxhawk peers through the window unsurely as his burly, silver-haired father drives with a smile of confidence.
Syrupentine: Santa And Son!
[My father founded the Pisces project.]
[He created the machines that would convert this barren planet into a new Earth, and left them here.]
The screen switches back to the exterior of their ship, which is now skimming over the surface of a lush, green planet.
CRACK! Suddenly, a silver tentacle grabs the ship right out of the air!
aroseahorseboy: AAH FUCK JUMP SCARE
[They have been waiting for us to come back.]
The Planet Of Pisces logo, a pair of splashing blue fish, appears over the scene, as smoke from the crashed spaceship rises into the sky.
aroseahorseboy: Told you the last one was always the best, Bea
"I can't see anything- OH!" She removes her sunglasses just in time. "Daaang, ok I dunno if anyone ever played Xardion but this is what this makes me think of"
Bee52: cool I hope you get to play a robot cat!
When Bea starts the game, sprites of the father and son are standing outside the wrecked spaceship. The father is speaking.
[I'm going to the CPU to find out what went wrong. I'll be back by nightfall. Glem, you stay here and don't go anywhere!]
He walks off screen and the boy sits down next to the ship-- and the sun sets, the moon comes out, the sun rises again. The boy stands up and puts on those cool sunglasses from the title screen.
aroseahorseboy: it's like the Odyssey, gotta find your father Klickitat_Street: "Glem"???
"Glem! From the game over thing?" Bea tries moving around. "I think I've heard of you and uh, it's nice to meet you in person! I dunno, should I tell him?"
DueyDecimal: i thought that was just a glitch! Maybe it comes from this game?
The game begins-- Glem can run and jump, and he's armed with a blue frisbee(?). But this frisbee returns to him like a yo-yo, bounces off walls and ricochets, and if Bea times it right, he can fly on it like a hover board!
"You can't tell but the control is tight, but you can see the sprite animations in this look better, some of these games have been good but I'm already feeling like this one's gonna be special"
This game is DEEP, with every stage introducing a new mechanic that becomes part of your repertoire of moves-- soon Glem is sledding down spikes with his Discus (as it turns out to be called) serving as a sled, pulling off amazing ricochet shots that bring hovering bad guys down to use as stepping stones, and more!
When Bea pauses for a snack, even the pause screen shows a map of the world, and an enemy encyclopedia! The most common enemy in this game is a bat-winged frog creature called a Hopteran, which can fly, swim, or (true to its name) hop; the most frustrating one is the Angul, which appears to be a winged angel made of glowing neon, and always appears to hunt Glem down at seemingly the worst times!
HNV: God, this game reminds me of the first time I ever played Super Mario 3.
aroseahorseboy: its more like dkc but yeah!
Max_Force: I'm going to be a dad in eight weeks, you guys... I hope there are still games like this when my daughter gets old enough to play.
Bea has been quiet, as she gets when she gets really into a game. "If you're out there, Mr. Or Ms. Joy Traveler development person, please just let me know who you are so I can credit you somehow because this is a gem hidden in a pile of.. Uh well its the best looking game so far lets keep it at that!"
By the time she gets to the last boss-- four and a half hours later-- the adventure has taken her from rolling green hills, to a parched desert, to dripping, foggy cliffs, and finally into this wild technological slime mold explosion, where the machines sprout up from the ground and attack, monitors spontaneously grow out of the walls and blare warnings, and her old friend Angul could be waiting around any corner. She's fought robots, biological hazards, and even what looked like a giant blob of blood gelatin-- but the end of Planet of Pisces is near.
"Okay so this has gone way, WAY overtime but I think I'm near the end here folks, at least I hope so. I would almost say that if you ever find one of these systems, it's almost worth getting just for this one"
aroseahorseboy: hands up if you ordered one while you were watching those!
Bee52: me berd_snurglar: you can order these???
Syrupentine: I hope Glem's dad is OK. :(
aroseahorseboy: I hope he's not the final boss
Bee52: bite your tongue!!!
"Look, I'm not proud of the way I got this, okay? I had to pry it out of the cold dead hands of a little orphan girl and then I had to suck a whole lot of di- I got it off eBay for like 30 bucks. He said he played a few games and decided it sucked. So if you're out there, hit me up for uh, a free t-shirt"
Syrupentine: I'm a Little dead orphan girl, where's my free T-shirt
HNV: Dead T-shirt contest, wooooo
"I dunno guys I feel like the dad usually dies in things like these but we'll see, hang on time, gonna farm these spidery things for health real quick and then it's on to the boss..."
She stands before the boss door, readying herself for anything.
Behind the final door is... what looks like a garage, filled with those robots that were attacking, except now they're building a spaceship identical to the one that you came here in. Directing them is – Glem's dad!
"Sure, sure, just do this to me, thats fine. You called it, AroSeahorseBoy. This is gonna be like a Wily fight but really sad isn't it!"
aroseahorseboy: aw, I didn't have to bite my tongue
Syrupentine: Aro is so smart, S-M-R-T
Dad sees him and jumps down from the balcony he's on.
["Glem! I told you to stay where you were!"]
He takes one step forward and freezes. All the robots stop and look at him. ["YOU CAN NEVER JUST DO AS YOU'RE TOLD."]
Dad suddenly rises into the air-- and begins to glow as he changes. He's a Angul! And from the looks of things, the king of them all!
"OK THIS IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT" shouts Bea while frantically dodging attacks. Of course this is the kind of boss you have to learn the attack patterns of, no matter how much you've powered up. In the end it's come down to raw skill.
"Dad why?? Were you one of them all along? Or not? Or am I, Glem, also an Angul?? Should I try to focus on not dying instead of theorizing right now, OW there goes a third of my health"
The worst part is, no matter what you throw at him, Dad isn't taking ANY damage! In fact, the only thing that makes him pause, as far as you can tell-- is when you accidentally destroy one of the robot drones that's busily building the ship in the background. That makes Dad MAD.
aroseahorseboy: it's a meta boss, great THAT means he has another form
berd_snurglar: Aro stop trying to be smart, we already believe you
"Hey daaad, I'm messing up all your cool expensive robots! MMph, yeah, I'm gonna spray paint bad words all over your cool space ship, too!" She takes out another worker bot. "You spat all over my dream of being a world champion CD thrower and now you're gonna pay for it!"
The robots do rebuild themselves after a short time, but when she knocks them all out at once, the fight changes. Dad lands-- and seems to deflate, all the neon and metal flying away and entering the ship!
Dad stands up, looking weak.
["Glem... It's the CPU. It--he--wants to get back to Earth!"]
The ship shudders and begins to collapse-- no, it's changing. The worker robots are reabsorbed as it changes and expands, becoming... What exactly? Ah, of course-- a giant mechanical dragon.
HNV: DUDE
TaichoSenseiKun: I want one!
"ME TOO!" Bea's so impressed with the design she barely jumps over the huge, electrified fireball headed her way, the first of many! "Aaaaaah jeez welcome to BULLET HELL, I see! Fuckfuckfuck, string of obscenities!!!"
This takes all her skills and she has to invent some new ones! She can use the snowboard technique to surf over those electric balls, but it's still a bear getting him down, because only one of his heads is vulnerable at any time, and he may have as many as five!
"Aright if you do the ricochet throw it's a little easier to hit him, but you have to get it pixel perfect! And so Herculass (that's me) vanquishes the mighty hydra, at the expense of her damn thumbs but I do if for you guys!" She slips between a rain of laser fire, every move counts and she's gotta think fast, but as the boss starts to flash red, it seems the end may be nigh.
NormalNancy: YOU GOT THIS BEA YOU GOT IT
Syrupentine: Iwata-san, lend Bea your power from heaven
"Dude too soon. Ugh doesn't matter its ALWAYS gonna be too soon"
Syrupentine: I was sincere. :(
Whether through her own skill or divine intervention... It works! BOOOM, down goes the dragon in a shower of bubbly explosions, all three heads twisting and screaming!
NormalNancy: YOU DID IT
MaxForce: Planet of FUCK YEAH!
berd_snurglar: how you gonna get home now, there went your ship
"Am I done? I'm just.. I can't.." Suddenly it all catches up with Bea, she hasn't been this into a game in a while! "I'd give a big victory scream but I don't think I have in meOOOOOOOOOOH IN YOUR FACES, ALL FIVE OF THEM ASSHOLE!"
Glem's father comes up-- it's strange, how strong and burly he looked at the beginning of the game, and how Glem seems to tower over him now.
["You've actually beaten 6R316-UE... Son, I don't know what to say!"] The wreckage of the dragon rumbles.
["CALL ME BY MY NAME... DAD."]
Suddenly the same neon and metal cloud rises from the dragon's heap-- and flies right into Glem!
"Aww.. Maybe his dad really just wanted to- OH NO!"
As Glem falls to the ground, his father grabs the Discus and tosses it into the air-- where it becomes another cloud and pursues the first into Glem!
"I... I don't know whats happening? Did I do something wrong? Is there more??" She tries tapping the buttons lightly, bracing herself for another boss fight
A new stage starts-- and it's not like any other stage in the game. It's sort of like Tron and sort of like Bomberman; a high-speed chase through Glem's own brain, where you have to use the blue bombs to block off the silver dragon-headed tapeworms and force them to destroy themselves!
DueyDecimal: TAPEWORMS! In this game??
berd_snurglar: it's more likely than you think
"WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE ARE WE WHY ARE WE WHAT ARE WE DOING?!" Bea says, desperately trying to adapt to the new play style! Suddenly the old rules don't apply! "I'm developing an abusive relationship with this device, in that I think its amazing and wonderful and wants to make me suffer"
Every time she lands a hit on one of the dragons, a text box appears, and some of the dialogue seems a bit familiar.
[MY NAME IS NOT 6R316-UE.]
[MY NAME IS GREIGUE.]
[BUT IT COULD JUST AS WELL BE GLEM.]
[OUR FATHER NEVER NEED KNOW WHO WON THIS BATTLE.][ONE SON IS AS GOOD AS ANOTHER TO HIM...]
"Bomb, bomb, evade, EVADE- ffff!! Wait, no, good, I think I got two at once that time?!" Bea's weary but not beaten. She can't be beaten now, she's come too far! "Get out of my HEAD, Greeg! I'm so pissed I'm not even gonna try getting your name right"
Syrupentine: Greigue? Someone's been playing Earthbound Zero...
berd_snurglar: wait seriously the terrible monster we've been working our way toward is called 'greg'?
aroseahorseboy: it's either that or "Greg-Ooh"
DueyDecimal: Gregory the Terrible Eater!
aroseahorseboy: if I didn't know that was a book about cartoon goats, that would sound like eldritch horror
Bea is visibly dozing off as she battle rages on, somehow just barely mashing buttons well enough to stay alive, even if she wanders aimlessly into a corner now and then. "s'gonna be over soon. I can feel it, I will persist, and so on, die already"
NormalNancy: BEA WAKE UP YOUR WINNING
MaxForce: This is really creepy!
aroseahorseboy: one more one more don't choke
"You guys are gonna have better luck piecing together what's happening than I am, I am- I'm almost dead now" she's down to one health pip!
Finally, there's only one dragon head left, chasing Bea's glowing avatar (Glem's soul?) through the maze faster than ever. All it takes is one well-placed bomb, that spins the walls around and captures the dragon in a cube, making it spin faster and faster and finally swallow its own tail!
[NO! NO! I WAS FINALLY! SO! CLOOOSE!]
The whole screen erupts in digital explosions, and fades back to the workshop, where Glem's father is holding his son, head in his lap.
NormalNancy: YESSS
NormalNancy: Way to go Bea!
Bee52: wait, joyrider? Wtf?
Bea actually slumps out of her chair for comic effect, but then falls on the floor for real. (THUD)
"OW! Shhh... I'm fine, just.. Not gonna do that again" (at least she's awake!)
The story plays out on the screen as Glem's eyes flicker open, his father hugging him tightly.
[I should have trusted you. You haven't just saved me-- you saved this world I built for us.]
[I've recovered control from 6R316-UE. The machines can rebuild the ship for me in just a few hours. What do you want to do?]
Now the game presents Bea with a final choice:
<I want to go home to Earth.>
<I want to live here.>
HNV: it's a trap
Klickitat_Street: I don't feel like we got enough input which would be the correct choice.
aroseahorseboy: don't give up on earth!
Syrupentine: No, stay, you put so much of yourself in this planet
NormalNancy: KILL ME NOWWWW
"We know they were going away from the earth, we don't know why though! Is it bad? Do we really want to stay here and chance it with the crazy machines? Uugh.. I dunno."
"Whatever, doesn't matter what I choose, I can always come back and see the other one, can't I?"
"She said, tempting fate"
"Know what? somebody's gotta keep an eye on this place or things just go cray cray so.. all right, dad. We'll stay here, together. And have a cool robot family! I hope. Do you think we could rebuild Greg and make him nice? I feel kind of bad for him"
[I want to stay here.]
[After all I've put you through here, you want to stay?]
His dad hugs him tight.
[The ship launches in three hours... But we won't be on it.]
The scene cuts to Glem and his dad watching the ship sail into the sky... And fades to black.
The torn and tarnished landscape reappears, and the cast roll begins-- all the monsters and meanies Glem fought pass by and are named, from Hopteran to Angul and even some Bea missed (what in the world was Wuggykins?). As the cast rolls by, the landscape slowly heals, going from brown and parched to green and welcoming, and crops and buildings start to appear. Even the sky goes from yellow to blue.
Syrupentine: Awww
aroseahorseboy: Bea you totally made the right choice
"I sure hope so. I have a lot of questions but, all's well that ends well, I guess!" She leans back in her chair as she watches, a smile creeping over her face. "This is the kind of game I didn't WANT to end, in a way. This deserves a sequel!"
Finally the five faces of 6R316-UE appear, and cackle cruelly as the characters in its name change one by one to GREIGUE.
The faces disappear one by one, as do the letters... And when the word says GRE_G__, the dragon face looks sad as it disappears.
Llord_Kuruku: nickname Greg confirmed
Bee52: Poor mecha dragon
"Thanks, rub it in, game" says Bea with a frown
Then a speck appears in the sky. The ship has returned! We fade back in on Glem and his dad as they watch it land...and out comes the whole family.
Names appear over everyone as they run out and hug Glem and his dad: RIKEL, a tiny little girl who falls flat on her face as she runs for Daddy's arms. ZORK and MARG, twin boys who grab each other and start wrestling before they can even join the family group. RENK, a boy who looks close to Glem's age who runs out to hug him first. And finally out comes...
Syrupentine: REDMOM!!!
Klickitat_Street: I knew we were calling her Mom for a reason!
Bea screams! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Sorry it's just, there she is! And the kids! So, everything was leading up to this game?? And the kids, too! Even if she named them weird!"
"I mean we shouldn't assume but she always did look like the mom type. Mom type Pokémon"
Redmom runs up to her husband and they embrace as their names appear: JOYRIDER and JAYWALKER.
Baconnaise: apparently weird-ass names are a family tradition??? aroseahorseboy: the computer knew Glem's mom??????
She sees the names. "Nnnnnnnng, 'Jaywalker'" she massages her temples.
"Ok, so, at least some of these are our mascot characters? I know two are, some of the kids have appeared in game, I know the twins from Beware! Kitchen, I don't think I've seen the others? This is adorable though, you don't usually get a game starring a whole family.. Or a series of games I s'pose"
DueyDecimal: A whole family of mascots reminds me of Doki Doki Panic!
And Legacy of the Wizard if anyone remembers that!
The words The End appear in the sky as the family embraces in their new home, and the screen fades to black... But before it restarts, the sad dragon face appears once more with a message:
[IF ONLY ANY STORY COULD TRULY END SO HAPPILY.]
NormalNancy: whaaat
DueyDecimal: Oh God this had better not have all been a dream!
But it doesn't seem to be-- Bea is returned to the title screen after a few tense moments.
"Man here it comes! I knew there was gonna be some bullsh- oh"
Bea looks into the camera. "SEQUEL HOOK!"
Bee_52: is there a Joy Traveler 168, please say yes
Llord_Kuruku: just skip ahead to Planet of Pisces 2!
aroseahorseboy: does ANYONE have a ROM for this???
"Wait, there IS a sequel? I musta just glossed over it, I couldn't have known! And I don't think there's a rom, I don't even know if there's another Joy Traveler of THIS model in existence!"
MaxForce: the one I bought was just Joy Traveler 67, it has 100 less games. :(
aroseahorseboy: does it have POP though??
MaxForce: dunno, I ordered it an hour ago!
"You did whatnow??"
"I mean cool but, I didn't know you could!"
MaxForce: yeah Bea! If it's got different games I might do my own LP of it and if not, AWESOME
"It could have totally different stuff but I hope you get to play this, the world must know! Now I need to recover a little so, gonna end the stream now, it's been a hell of a ride. Thanks for joining, my bees! Til next time, your queen bids you adieu!"
She doesn't turn it off right away, though. She lingers, thinking over some of the things she's seen. Is it more than just a bunch of recurring characters that show up through these games? There has to be more to their story, but maybe for another time.
