I am still waiting, Hishe…
Kal: Bruce, there you are — what in the world?
Bruce: Hey Kal.
Kal: Who are all these kids?!
Bruce: My Bat Family. I’m a dad now.
Kal: Since when?!
Bruce: Since 1940. Try to keep up.
Kal: I thought it was just the one! Hi, Nightwing.
Dick: Hi Superman! Yeah, I have siblings now.
Kal: And how’s that working out?
Dick: Most of us have died at least once.
Kal: …What?
Bruce: Hey Kal, check it out. This one’s super smart, and we have matching coffee mugs.
Tim: :)
Bruce: This one…
Cass: …
Bruce: Actually, this one scares me. And this one glows in the dark! Heheh!
Duke: :D
Kal: I can see that…
Damian: Father, I’m hungry. When are we having dinner?
Bruce: How many criminals have you caught today?
Damian: *holds up three villains* Is this sufficient?
Bruce: Eh, it’s good enough. Here. *tosses him a tofu hotdog, like just the dog part* Keep working on it. Three more and you get the bun.
Kal: *horrified silence*
Dick: Hmph! When I was Robin, I could catch at least five criminals before dinner.
Tim: Oh my gosh, Dick, no one cares!
Jason: No one cares about anything in this stinkin’ family. Where were you all when I died, huh?!
Everyone: *groan*
Damian: Quit being such a drama queen, Todd! It’s not like losing your life is the end of the world!
Tim: Yeah!
Damian: You shut up. The only thing you’ve ever lost is your spleen.
Duke: And his parents.
Everyone except Damian: *parental trauma* AH!
Bruce: I told you never to mention that!
Kal: I can’t believe what I’m watching… Does Alfred know about this?!
Bruce: Yeah, totally, he’s cool with it.
Kal: *narrowing his eyes* I have a very hard time believing that.
Bruce: Well, he works for me, so shut up.
Kal: What about Catwoman?! Does Catwoman know about this?!
Bruce: *nervous* Um… well…
Damian: *suspicious* Who’s Catwoman?
Bruce: *very nervous* No one.
Dick: Oh, he is so dating Catwoman!
Tim: Why didn’t you tell us?!
Jason: What if we don’t want a step-mom, huh?!
Bruce: Woah, hold on now —
Duke: Look, you’re upsetting Batgirl!
Cass: …
Bruce: Alright, that’s enough! We’re not gonna talk about this anymore! Because —
Everyone: *annoyed* — you’re Batman!
Bruce: No! Because I said so! …And also, yes, because I’m Batman! Cause Batman says so!
Kal: *smirking* More like because you’re Bat-Dad.
Bruce: >:(
Kal: And hey, where’s Barbara? I thought she was Batgirl?
Bruce: *nervous* She was…
Kal: …Bruce, what did you do?
Dick: Oh, don’t worry, Superman, Barbara’s fine.
Kal: Oh, thank goodness.
Jason: She’s just paralysed from the waste down.
Kal: Bruce!
Bruce: It wasn’t my fault! She’s not even technicially my kid!
Kal: Bruce…
Bruce: Oh, don’t you “Bruce” me. I’ll “Bruce” you… “Bruce” you in the face.
Kal: Okay, that’s it, you are not allowed to find any more sidekicks starting right now!
Bruce: *holding up Harper* What about this one?
Kal: No!
Bruce: *holding up Spoiler* This one still has a parent — I can just be a mentor.
Kal: No!
Bruce: Well, gee, Kal, what am I supposed to do with all the orphans in Gotham, then, huh?!
Kal: Do you hear yourself right now?
Bruce: I have a system, Kal!
Kal: That’s it! There’s only way to solve this!
*Superman grabs Batman, and they fly off*
*Batman then appears on the couch in Therapist Harley Quinn’s office from the new Batman animated show*
Harley: Alright, why don’t you start by telling me about your childhood.
Batman: *leans over* Do I have a story for you.
