#hippy chick

It's Friday morning at 4:09 a.m. It has become a habit to stay up every night until 3 or 4 a.m. It's almost a stress if I don't go to bed or sleep till then or if I go before then. Who knows what that is about.

It's August and It is between being end of summer, beginning of Indian summer or a quick fall. It's Maine and it's so unpredictable it could be fucking snowing tomorrow. Baha.

My life is mostly full of work, tears, work, more tears. I have a son going to be 16 and a daughter leaving for college next week and a husband that is working on the road and having an affair with my x friend. Did I mention she was a cunt. Who could possibly ask for anything more in life.

Although, I do have several things to be grateful for I have several things to be sad and angry about as well. Do I just settle and deal with the husband situation. Yes, probably so. Although the thoughts of them and even just her period make me squirm. Make me pissy and angry. GRRRR. I may deal but I will not be quiet about it.

The children leaving and starting their adulthood.... not so much. I mean I can deal, and I want them to grow and come into their own person, but I can be sad that my little ones are growing up. I can be pissed and sad about my husband and my friend, who i fucking hate more than anything.

I cannot describe the anger and the feeling that wells up inside of me when I think about that two faced, lying cunt. Anyways...don't get me started because that will be the only thing I will think about. Not that I don't have enough of her on my mind or in my head. Fuck I just really want to rip her head right off her fucking shoulders.

Moving on.... I am going through another phase of my life. Learning to let go and then I guess I find out the next steps, the next plan the universe has in store for me. Yet, for now, I will deal with the circumstances with as much patience as I can muster and pray that she has some mercy, the universe that is, to get me through each day of bad to the good that I know will be at the end of this chapter of my life.

All in all, life hasn't been too bad. I've made it through all the heartbreaks thus far. This one more intense than most considering I have been with him 24 years of my 55 years. I will win. I will be the one who comes out on top both in the relationship and in life. I just know cause that's what the universe has done for me, and I manifest that shit if I can.