#hinduisim

Usha Lakshmi Gargi Ratri

Saraswati

I wonder why don't I ever concentrate on the pooja whenever I am in a group. I love to sit in front of my deities alone in a room in dark and let my thoughts and words wander. I know they they hear my inner thoughts as well as the words that project out of my mouth. It feels as if I am home with them only when I am the only one in a room.

It's the same even today. Today it is Basant Panchami. Dadi, my brother and I are doing pooja day. Dad is in another city and mummy has periods so she did not join for the aarti today. She had specifically asked me to keep a few pens and my RD Sharma Maths book near Saraswati maa's moorti.

Funny, how I call Devi Lakshmi as my sakhi and Devi Saraswati as Maa. As a child of five years, I used to watch this animated movie called Omkara on TV. Shivji and Parvati Devi had taken abode in the holy city of Kashi with Ganesha, Karthikeya, Lakshmi and Saraswati as their children. My mother would always tell me to be like Saraswati -- affectionate, kind, wise and simple.

Years flew by, and for a while, my connection with the deities dwindled even with my dearest god, Krishna. But, don't they say that the goddess of Knowledge sits on Vishnu's tongue. Won't the same goddess guide the one who has strayed away from its path?

I stare at the small moorti of the goddess. It took me back to my examination days. I always carried an examination board that had a photo of Devi Saraswati. She always looked so elegant and benevolent. I usually performed well in subjects like English, Hindi, Social Studies and Biology with her photo on my exam board, so I considered her as my lucky charm during exam days.

The Saraswati moorti looks beautiful. I stare at the veena in her hands and the large pink lotus on which she sits. For the first time, I get a tingly feeling running down on my spine -- the feeling that arises each time I am about to meet a goddess in person. Dadi is probably chanting Saraswati chalisa and my brother as usual is randomly mouthing the words and staring at the sweets.

Warmth engulfs my body, and I hear rain fall outside the balcony. My eyes close on their own accord, and for the first time I am given a divine vision.

The goddess is seated near a river bed that is brimming with fresh brightly coloured green grasses, and a few wild flowers. The river looks clean, completely transparent. It sparkles a little under the sun. Her fingers skillfully run on the strings of the Veena, producing the most beautiful tune I have ever heard in my life. Her eyes are closed, but I know she sees me. She knows that I am watching her.

After what feels like an eternity, she stops playing her instrument and opens her eyes. She smiles and gently calls her swan from the river. I turn back and see a large but majestic swan emerge from the crystal clear river with a string of pearls on its beak. The swan turns its head at me and nods. I gawk at the beautiful bird which causes the goddess to giggle. She composes herself and pats the swan's head. "It's a beautiful bird, isn't it?"

"The most exquisite looking swan, devi," I say as the swan gently lands the pearls near my feet. Frowning in confusing, I look at the goddess and ask, "Why did it give the pearls to me? They are yours."

"What do the pearls signify, my child?"

"Wisdom, purity, innocence, serenity and protecting, Maa."

Devi smiles. I see her face shine like the full moon. "Very good. That's true. Now let me tell you something." Her lovely fingers pick a delicate pearl. "Pearls are very difficult to find. They lie deeper and hidden in dark waters. Only the ones brave into the embrace the darkness of the ocean. You have to delve deep and have patience to look for them. There will be many obstacles on your way. You might feel tiredness seep into your bones. Sometimes you will see your companions getting these shiny pearls quickly while you barely find a shell on the water bed. You must remember that to get the best, sometimes you have to wait for long and keep persevering. One day, your hard work will pay off, and these pearls will be yours. Now, pearls also represent wisdom, don't they?"

I nod my head eagerly. She continues, "The quest for diamonds teaches you lessons of immense hard work and the sight to never consider any piece of coal or a stone to be ordinary. The journey to seek pearls gives you lessons of patience and the strength to take bold decisions to get the best of your life with grace, kindness and knowledge."

Her swan nuzzles on my thigh and I feel my legs stiffen which causes the goddess to chuckle. "Don't worry, my swan won't bite you. The worse it can do is drench you in river water to indulge in some mischief."

I nervously laugh and touch the swan's head with my index finger. My eyes then travel upwards to gaze at Maa's face. Her face softens with a knowing look. "You have a question, don't you?"

"There are nights, I hear a song far away from my house. It makes me wonder who I am. There's a lake near my house. Each time I peer at my reflection, I see a woman decked in red and dazzling jewels. For a man, she would be sensuality personified, but to me she appears divine. She has a sharp gaze that would make tongues stutter to make any remark at her. Then, the red clothes and gold jewels disappear. She then appears dressed in white with pearls and flowers around her wrists and legs. She looks lovely but in a different way. She radiates pure love. She looks at everyone with the eyes of a charmed lover, speaks words that would boggle the mind and make you question everything you have ever known. Later, she smiles knowing only a choice few would understand her language and her words. After a while, their faces morph into my reflection and I have never found myself look that divinely charming even in the mirror. Should I know who these women are? Are they me or will I grow up to be them?"

The goddess closes her eyes once again. Her form starts expanding to the skies. Golden efflugence effuses from her being while her fingers start to play the veena once again. She answers.

"You are them, yes, my child. You will grow up to be them. But remember, don't consider them to be separate from each other or from you. Red is for passion, energy and love. Men in your time will confuse this form as lust. You must build yourself in such a way that no man with a narrowed vision can hurl abuse your divinely form. Many are going to speak against you, even for the way you carry yourself and move. You, my child, are going to rise than them. I shall not speak much about your appearance in red. You will have another goddess tell you more, a goddess who often is misinterpreted and shunned today. Let me tell you about the woman in white."

Maa plays a beautiful set of chords that make me feel as if I am floating in air amongst twinkling stars. It feels blissful. Is this how sat-chit-ananda feels like?

A melodious laughter from Maa fills my ears. "Now, that's something for you to find out. I will not reveal everything to you. But for now, let me tell you about the second woman."

"She has the gaze and a hear of a lover. She will fall in love with everything life will give her, be it thorns or roses. Books are her companions. She is going to be a wonderful being of light, love, kindness and wisdom. She wears white to represent the holy and divine knowledge she has learnt in her life and other lifetimes to come. The pearls on her body stand for the important lessons on patience, beauty, virtue and serenity. She is a very mysterious woman. Some say she has the most complex thoughts about life, while a rare minds get through her way of flowery words and poetry to understand one simple Truth -- this Truth is again your quest to realize and understand. You cannot tie her to relationships and desires in the mortal sense. She will love you dearly, do everything that is best for you, but do not expect her to write ballads and love songs for you. Her love songs and poems speak about a different Lover. Who is that Lover is another question whose answer you must find yourself. She will be your guiding force in life and until you transform into her. As I said, you, we, them are all One."

Tears flow out of my eyes. Perhaps, I did find my answer to my questions. Maybe, I will grow and transform myself in the best way possible and help others in the same. Just like Maa said, we all are One, we all can help, learn and grow together.

"Jhia lo prasad ta ne kana emiti thakurani ku dekhuchu." (Daughter, have the prasad. Why are you staring at the goddess like that?"

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This is the longest in the series. I am really grateful for your comments and the amount of love you have poured out for this series. A lot of it is personal in these tales that happened to me in dreams and in some of my worst days. Maybe that's why it connects you all too. I promise, once I am done with this series, I will reply to all of your comments and reblogs.

Deity Darshan - ISKCON London

Today's Deity darshan in Pink & Orange outfit

Usha Lakshmi Gargi Ratri Saraswati

Rati

(@krishna-sahacharini had figured it out 💖)

Amidst my box of pink, peach and nude shades of lipsticks, the bold red lip colour stands out. It appears as if it wants to mock me. 'You purchased me from Ladies Corner two months and I am still sitting in your box with an unbroken seal. Are you afraid of a colour?'

I have worn red sarees, red frocks and even red tops. I have red clips and rubber bands, heck even red sandals, but the prospect of applying red lipstick scares me. It makes me nervous. I have heard this boy tell me that you look gently and dainty in pink and peach shades like a fairy. The other day while coming back from college, I heard an aunty comment on a girl, saying, "God, did you see that bold red shade on her lips. It looks so improper. Girls should wear light shades that makes them look graceful."

But I remember applying the same red shade on my lips after borrowing her lipstick. She was reading a book then and I was trying out her lipstick. The colour suited me so well! For the first time, I got goosebumps when I saw my lips in red. It felt as empowering, liberating, bold as well as beautiful. My friend was observing my reaction and cheered, "You must wear red colour too you know. The shades you wear look pretty, but red has that charm which no other shade has." I blush and mutter a thank you. That evening I bought a red lipstick for myself.

Never wore it after I purchased it though. I always make excuses to myself. I carry a gentle, sweet, cotton candy persona so red isn't suitable.

Like always, I pick my light pink lipstick to retain my natural colour. I look at the black saree with golden borders carefully placed on the bed and then at my reflection in the mirror. Open tousled hair, black blouse, white petticoat and golden jhumke dangling down my ears. I bring the pink lipstick near my lips when suddenly the mirror turns black.

Gasping, I touch the mirror. I pinch myself to ensure if I am active or dreaming. The slight pain tells me I am actively experiencing this. My heart paces in panic. This feels like a scene from a horror movie and for a moment I brace myself to prepare for a ghostly attack when the black fades away only to reveal a lady dressed in dark red robes. Her outfit reminds me of sculptures of dancers, apsaras and goddesses from ancient Indian temples and paintings.

Her skin is as fair as milk. Well drawn arched eyebrows between which a red circular dot called bindu is carefully applied. Deep kohl highlights her beautiful pair of eyes. On her neck, I see a nuptial chain and a couple of jewelled necklaces reaching below her bosom. A thick strip of deep red cloth is tied around her chest. On her waist, I see a loosely tied waist chain and her hips sport a jingling hip belt. She wears a dhoti styled draped cloth which reaches till the knees to cover the lower half of the body. There was a specific name to it which I had read in a book. Sadly, I can't recall the name anymore.

I stare at her matchless beauty. She gracefully steps outside the mirror and stands behind me. Her thin fingers gently place themselves on my shoulders, and she whispers in my ear. "Did you recognize me?"

Stuttering, I try to form an answer. "Apsara Menaka?" She looks like a sculpture reborn alive from a temple after all!

The woman chuckles and taps my cheek with her index finger. "I am the Goddess of Love, my darling."

My lips part in shock. I gaze at the reflection of the woman beside me. "Rati...." I murmur.

"Absolutely correct! Thankfully, you remember me. Many women don't -- atleast not in today's generation."

Hundreds of question circle my mind regarding why is the Love goddess here in my room on a random Saturday afternoon when I am to leave for an outing in an hour.

"My my, did you forget about the lady in red from your visions? I am here for that only," I hear the goddess say.

She snaps her fingers and the lady in red appears on my mirror. Her face looks eerily similar to mine. I hear Devi Rati again. "Do not look away from the mirror until the lady in red disappears."

The woman looks mesmerizing. She doesn't have the perfect zero figure like models do. I see her belly rolls and love handles. There are a few stretch marks on the side of her waist where a thin chain lies. But God, the confidence on her face and eyes makes me shiver. Her eyes makes me want to get lost. This was the woman, I wanted to be and not someone who pinched at her love handles and looked up hundred ways of removing stretch marks from my hips and thighs while fretting over my slight double chin and non existent jawline.

Devi Rati speaks again. "Look at her, love. Her bold red dress stands for the feminine energy she carries within herself. Do not confuse her sensuality with lust. Her eyes are bright and playful. She needs no man no woman to tell her how gorgeous she looks or how modest she has to look. She saw you look at the 'flaws' of her form, but she is beyond flaws and perfections of the flesh. She knows the trivial nature of beauty. It only lasts until the age of youthfulness runs. But does that mean one should not appreciate beauty? Should one not wear good clothes and adorn themselves?

"They should and everyone has the right to feel good about themselves. Do not cover or hide yourself. If you love a colour, a dress or a jewel, wear it. If the world has to judge you, they would just do it for a minute and forget about you in the next minute." She picks the red lipstick from my box. "Your life is too short to be spent in worry if a boy or that old woman down the lane will call you bold for wearing a simple red shade."

She gently applies the lipstick on my lips. Her eyes meet mine and what she says next gives me goosebumps once again. "When they tell you to cover yourself on their narrowed understanding of modesty and culture, remind them about me, Rati, the goddess of Love and Beauty. Remind them of the goddesses and their sculptures from the same temples they love to visit. Remind them of apsaras and beautiful maidens who were clever, wise, knowledgeable and beautiful. Remind them of the same golden ancient culture that looked upon the female form, every female body as divine and everlasting."

The goddess makes me stand up and removes her hip belt and ties it around mine. "Do not let them dim your shine. This powerful red shade intimidates many. This power, this divinity and beauty is your reminder that we reside in you. Your body is a temple for the divine Shakti. You are the legacy of us Goddesses, queens and maidens who carried wisdom and power equally. Do not let them take away or make you hide this powerful radiance from your mind, heart, body and soul."

Rati snaps her fingers once again and the mirror shows my reflection. I am dressed in the same red saree, bold dark kohl lined eyes, red lipstick, jingling anklets and roses in my hair just like the lady in red from my dreams. She winks and says, "I not only make two people fall in love, my love. I also teach how to fall in love and admire oneself."

"Thank you, Rati..." My eyes well up with tears. It's not because I look so pretty. It's because for finally acknowledging my identity, my power and my connection with these divine women and Goddesses who have looked after me and every woman on earth. I promise myself that I shall let no one especially a man to take away my strength and pride for me, not when I carry the power of the Goddesses in my bones.

"Now now, i would hate to see that kajal drip down your eyes."

I laugh and wave at the goddess. Time to show the world sakhis!

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Look, I am really excited for this. For a while before writing about Sarawati, I thought maybe I shouldn't write Rati because I was afraid if I would do justice to her.

But as every piece of art that I do is inspired and dedicated to the gods. Nothing of it is mine, somehow the Goddesses made me do it skskkanskakasmsmsmsks so here I am. Mein jaa rahi nahane ab :)

And then some of these guys came up to comment, stfu you all no devis. You all can't be devis (they themselves then generalized everyone by commenting you all are hoes partying at night having affairs and all don't call yourselves devis)

I feel smacking their heads off. Sir little girls are worshipped during navaratri, women in India are seen as ghar ki lakshmi. These random guys who themselves post and call themselves shiv bhakt narayan bhakt, I am sure narayan and mahadev would never agree to their words.

And no one is proclaiming herself to be devi durga or devi kali and asking others to worship hers. In our culture, the inner deity that resides in the body is honoured and for a women if the inner deity is referred to as the divine feminine, as the DEVI then why the heck do these guys have such a problem

For me my teachers, the good ones under whom I have learnt so much, I will always see them as Saraswati devi blessing me and giving me knowledge. When I remember my mother, I am always reminded of Mata Parvati.

This is what it feels like when we remember the devi that resides in every woman aur voh caption ka bhi vahi arth tha. Bade buddhe ladkiyon ko kabhi kabhi payr chune nahi dete yeh kehkar ki ghar ki lakshmi ko thodi na payr chune denge. Voh caption usi reverence ko isi thought process ko bata rha tha ki humare culture mein aisa mana jata hai

But naah saale kuch gadhon ko bas women party (jaise party karne mein paap lag gaya bhai. Not a party type person, but you can't call a woman or any guy characterless because they go to parties and wear short clothes) I have seen a masi she too wears those so called western clothes, has a child, is a successful fashion designer and also attends parties and discos. I lean more towards the 'traditional' in clothing but that doesn't mean ki mein kurti saree pehenti hu toh mein achi aur meri dost jo shorts shirt mein ghumti hai voh buri hai

Every human is divine and bhagwan resides in everyone. Humare culture mein usi bhagwan ko jo sare manushya mein rehte hai usi ko toh hum pujte hai or why else would we do namaste?