I started writing this story in July 2016- three years and a half ago. For my favourite fandom. 

Some of my favourite characters, my OTP -and another ship that would become thanks to this fic my second most important ship.

The main body is 45k words, with six “alternate endings” that add up to 74k words.

119k words. My longest work so far. 

The first 45k were written in under a month. 

Then 74k. Three and a half years worth of work, that changed my relationship to writing. Changed my relationship to planning, to narrative point of view, to voices. That marked me as a writer, as a creator. 

The title as a joke/reference on a TV series I do not even like anymore. 

Hoping Is Not An Advantage.

Three and a half years, a Gdoc shared with a few trusty people. A draft on Ao3, with only author notes and tags, long since deleted. 

How afraid I was. I still am as I am typing this. 

But I am who I am. I write what I write, HELL, I am here for romance, I am here for drama, for tragedy. I have stupid twisted ideas in my stories. And I am afraid, that the story won’t be good enough.

Afraid that the main character is OOC (but of course, he is! What he lives during the story changes him, but I am anxious. Because people like the main character, and because the fandom is so small that I cannot afford to let the few people who still care down.  

Afraid that it will be too violent, too hard. Or not enough, who knows? 

Afraid that people won’t like it. 

But this weekend, something changed. A conversation about a new fic I am writing. Some thinking maybe. I NEEDED to post it. Blame it on the full moon or something.

I cannot keep it under the rug anymore. It’s a ball and chain to my ankle, it forbids me to write anything big for the fandom. 

it’s too big. it’s a monster under my bed. I treasure it, I am terrified of it. 

To summarise, I quote myself, an answer to an ask I got in 2018: 

I am embarrassed to have written something that could be summarised into: “90k words of four men being held in a cell and tortured during World War Two, all seen through the eyes of one of them who is slowly losing his mind, oh and also I wrote 4 different endings because I am a freaking sadist can’t get enough of that.” I am embarrassed because I really don’t want people to think I am that much of a sadist freak. I just write tragic war stories.

I am still not certain about posting the 74k part (which would involve more shipping and some pretty big supernaturalish elements). I might leave it as a 45k long normal story. 

Since Tumblr probably eats posts with links, I will post the link in the comments to this post later. otherwise search for Hoping Is Not An Advantage on Ao3 if you are interested in this The Great Escape monster

Well, apologies for this very unplanned and too long post. Posted from work.

Write down the last sentence you wrote for your most recent WIP.

I’ve been tagged by @amethystsworld, thank you darling!

Blind we may be, they will be all the same.

It is from a short story I am currently working on ^^

Project I worked on: Hoping Is Not An Advantage

Words written / Daily goal:   1563 /1000

Total / Goal: 30752 /30000

Word/Sentence of the Day:  The steps stopped.

I was tagged by @bittodeath, thank you darling!

“The floor ain’t that bad.”

So… out of its context it sounds very silly. In its context too though, so whatever.

Thank you very much darling! Should I interpret this as a message to continue working? 

Playlist Ask Game

Here is hoping is not an advantage’s playlist! 

Corpus Christi Carol - Jeff Buckley

Ach Synku Synku - (finding a satisfying version was difficult since I always listen to it without the lyrics so I can sing it)

The Unquiet Grave - Penny Dreadful OST

Che Vuole Questa Musica Stasera - The Man From UNCLE OST

(those four above I have to put in, they are the official soundtrack of the fic. Now on to a more normal playlist:)

I Am Stretched On Your Grave - Peaky Blinders OST

I Will Follow Into The Dark - Death Cab for Cutie

Hero - Regina Spektor

Make You Better - The Decemberists