#higherself advice

They came from recognition.

Some part of you has already touched that version of yourself. That’s why the wanting feels intense. That’s why it stirs both hope and fear at the same time. You’re not chasing a fantasy. You’re remembering a future you’re capable of.

What’s been holding you back isn’t a lack of worth or ability. It’s the weight of everything you’ve already survived. Survival changes you. It makes you cautious. It teaches you how to endure, not always how to expand.

And the mountain everyone talks about isn’t punishment. It’s becoming. It’s boundaries. Consistency. Rest. Choosing yourself even when it feels unfamiliar. Learning to trust peace after chaos. Letting go of what no longer matches who you’re growing into.

You’re not waiting for life to give you permission. You’re waiting for your nervous system to feel safe enough to rise. You’re waiting to believe that the life you want won’t disappear the moment you reach for it.

But the desire is proof. It’s always been proof.

Let’s be honest, beauty isn’t just something you are.

It’s something you maintain.

At some point, we have to stop calling it “low motivation” and be honest: it’s laziness. If you want to look as beautiful on the outside as you feel on the inside, you have to put in the work. No more excuses.

In 2026, we’re not just journaling about the life we want.

We’re not daydreaming.

We’re not comparing ourselves to other women and wondering why it’s not us.

We’re doing.

And before you say money—pause. You don’t need high-end makeup, luxury skincare, designer clothes, or a glam budget to start. You can start with drugstore makeup. You can work with what you already own. Dollar Tree. Five Below. Walmart. CVS. Target. Wherever you’re at—start there.

The point isn’t perfection.

The point is effort.

You don’t wait until you “have more” to show up like the woman you want to be. You start now, build gradually, learn as you go, and level up over time. Small steps done consistently will always beat waiting for the “right moment.”

Because looking the part isn’t about impressing anyone else.

It’s about aligning your appearance with your identity.

And in 2026, we’re choosing alignment over excuses.

Yes, we’re all naturally beautiful in our own way. But the version of yourself you admire? The woman you stare at, daydream about, save photos of, and wish you looked like? That version didn’t appear by accident. She was built through habits, discipline, effort, and consistency.

And here’s the hard truth:

You don’t become her by admiring her.

You become her by acting like her.

Beauty maintenance is work. It’s not glamorous all the time. It’s not easy. And unless you actually enjoy it—or train yourself to—it won’t magically stick. If you want good skin, you have to take care of it. That means washing your face at night even when you’re tired. Skincare in the morning even when you’re rushing. Turning it into a habit, not a phase.

If you want healthy, manageable hair, you have to put in the work. Deep conditioning. Using the right products. Practicing styles on off days. Learning how to care for your hair if you can’t afford a stylist yet. The goal is for your hair to still look good and feel manageable even on your “I don’t feel like doing anything” days.

Makeup? Nobody wakes up good at it. You practice. You play music. You try looks at home. You watch YouTube, Pinterest, TikTok. You mess up. You try again. That’s how confidence is built—through repetition. It didn’t happen overnight for me either. I grew up around women who loved beauty, but I still had to watch, learn, and put in effort.

And if you just want to look clean and put together every day? Learn a simple five-minute routine. Concealer. Mascara. Lip gloss. Something easy that you can rely on even on low-energy days.

If you work all week, find a hairstyle that lasts—braids, a blowout, protective styles, satin rollers—something that supports your lifestyle instead of fighting it.

Clothes matter too. Find the aesthetic that fits your personality—clean girl, soft, edgy, classy, sexy, cozy, bold—whatever feels like you. And show up in it daily. Even if you work from home. Even if you’re not working at all. Even if it’s just elevated loungewear. Looking put together is a form of self-respect.

Because beauty is maintenance.

It’s effort.

It’s consistency.

It’s discipline.

And it’s worth it.

When you bring intention into everyday tasks, you’re training your brain. You’re not just telling yourself this needs to be done, you’re teaching yourself I choose to do this.

That looks like:

• Laundry

Make a laundry playlist. Take your time. Fold your clothes instead of rushing. Light a candle. Let it be calm, not chaotic.

• Dishes & cleaning

Change the music. Change the vibe. Turn it into a full reset moment. Film it if you want. Create content. Let ordinary tasks support your life…..even your income.

• Reading

If reading feels hard, take care of yourself first.

Take a bath. Do an everything shower. Get cozy.

Bake something. Use a reading light. Play soft jazz.

Make reading feel inviting, not forced.

• Working out

Invest in sets you feel good in. Choose movement that feels intentional and enjoyable, not punishing.

This isn’t about motivation.

It’s not even about discipline.

It’s about training your brain to do the thing.

Telling yourself: I’m just going to do it.

I’ll figure it out as I go.

This is intentional.

When you start romanticizing the small things, habits change.

You start saying yes to things you used to avoid.

Your life becomes more productive, but also more joyful.

The things you once dreaded don’t feel heavy anymore because you taught yourself how to meet them with care.

New podcast coming January 2026 ✨🎤

So boom, girl… 🤍

This podcast is about healing out loud in your 30-something era—without losing your personality. It’s real life, real growth, real laughter, and faith without pretending you have it all together. We’re talking boundaries, motherhood, dating, money stress, emotional healing, nervous system repair, and learning how to become better without becoming bitter.

This podcast is for you if:

• you’re in your 30-something era figuring it out in real time

• you love God and believe in therapy

• you’re healing but still funny

• you’re doing the work without performing perfection

• you want growth that feels honest, not heavy

If you’ve ever said “damn… same,” you’re in the right place.

🎙️ Life in My 30-Something drops January 2026

Follow + turn on notifications so you don’t miss the next episode.

This is a list of recent fiction books I've checked out that romanticize money, marrying wealthy, and strategic relationships. Every one really kept me in an aspirational headspace :･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ

Stone Cold Fox by Rachel Koller Croft. My current read, about a glamorous, social climbing conwoman. I love books like this that really explore the psychological side of old money and hypergamy. The main character is a borderline sociopathic manipulator bent on achieving wealth and success and is constantly put into social situations where she has to scheme to maintain control. Weirdly reminds me of thewizardliz due to her self-sufficiency and preference for money's stability versus actual romantic love.

White Ivy by Susan Yang. My absolute favorite book, about a young woman obsessed with wealth and status. Encapsulates the vibe of "marrying up will save me from my current life." This book was incredibly personable too, where the protagonist is ambitious but incredibly unhinged in a way that feels realistic and practical. I loved the physical prose used in this book to describe luxury and materialistic items.

The Social Climber by Amanda Pellegrino. I'm going to be very transparent, I did NOT like the ending of this book whatsoever. Felt incredibly choppy. But I absolutely loved the original world-building, especially the depiction of elite social circles and the intricate power dynamics of old-money families.

this isn’t about aesthetics.

it’s about alignment.

a dream girl vision board isn’t who you want to impress.

it’s who you’re becoming when no one is watching.

before you collect images, pause.

vision boards don’t work if they’re built from longing instead of truth.

questions to ask before you start:

ask these slowly. journal them. don’t rush the answers.

• who am i when i’m at peace?

• what version of me do i protect instead of abandon?

• what do i no longer chase, explain, or prove?

• what does my nervous system feel like when i’m safe?

• what kind of love feels quiet instead of chaotic?

• what habits make me proud at the end of the day?

• what does “soft” look like in my real life—not online?

• what am i ready to stop tolerating, even if it costs me comfort?

your dream girl doesn’t live in fantasy.

she lives in boundaries, consistency, and self-respect.

deep thoughts to sit with:

you don’t become her by becoming louder.

you become her by becoming clearer.

she doesn’t beg for alignment.

she walks away from misalignment.

she isn’t perfect.

she’s regulated.

she doesn’t ask “why wasn’t i enough?”

she asks “why did i stay where i had to shrink?”

how to create the vision board (intentionally)

this is the part most people skip.

1. choose a theme

not “that girl.”

try something real:

• grounded

• disciplined softness

• healed femininity

• peaceful power

• embodied confidence

2. include feelings, not just things

add words like:

• calm

• clarity

• devotion to self

• financial peace

• emotional safety

• spiritual alignment

if it doesn’t make your body exhale, it doesn’t belong.

3. add habits, not outcomes

instead of:

“perfect body” → daily movement you enjoy

“dream relationship” → secure communication

“successful life” → consistency + rest

the dream girl is built in routines.

4. include boundaries

yes, boundaries belong on vision boards.

examples:

• “i don’t chase.”

• “i choose rest without guilt.”

• “i walk away at the first sign of disrespect.”

• “i trust myself.”

5. place it where you live

lock screen. mirror. journal cover.

not hidden. integrated.

final reminder

your dream girl doesn’t arrive one day.

she’s revealed every time you choose yourself—quietly, consistently, and without applause.

become her slowly.

become her honestly.

ending the year by preparing for the version of myself I keep saying I want to be

I’m using December differently this year.

Not to rush into resolutions, not to pretend everything is perfect, but to actually prepare. To get honest. To get intentional. To stop dragging old habits into a life I’m praying to be new.

December Affirmations + Advice:

1. Don’t carry emotional chaos into January.

If it drains you, distance yourself from it now.

You don’t need permission. You don’t need closure. You need peace.

2. Start treating your body like it matters before the year changes.

Not in a “New Year, New Me” way; in a “I’m tired of feeling sluggish and stressed” way.

Eat things that give you energy, not anxiety.

Walk. Stretch. Move.

Drink water like it’s part of your healing.

3. Build one healthy habit now instead of trying to overhaul your life in January.

Consistency beats a dramatic plan you quit after a week.

4. Fix your sleep. For real.

Your whole life feels different when you’re not running on fumes.

Turn off the noise, stop scrolling, and give your body rest.

5. Clean your environment so your mind can breathe.

A cluttered space keeps you stuck in old patterns.

You deserve a home that feels safe, calm, and yours.

6. Stop waiting until January to “start fresh.”

You start the moment you stop lying to yourself about what you need.

7. Be honest about your coping mechanisms.

Overthinking, scrolling, emotional eating, isolating, they’re not personality traits. They’re signals.

Pay attention to them so you can replace them with habits that actually help you.

8. Prep for January like someone who respects her future self.

Make a simple routine.

Plan your meals.

Organize your schedule.

Set boundaries you’ll actually follow.

Write out what you want and what you refuse to carry anymore.

9. Choose discipline over intensity.

Anyone can be motivated for three days.

A dream girl is consistent on days nobody sees, claps, or posts it.

10. Create a January you can actually maintain.

Not a fantasy.

Not a 20-step routine.

Just a few habits that make your life feel lighter, healthier, and more structured.

11. Make wellness personal! not performative.

Your healing is not content.

Pray. Journal. Walk. Stretch. Cook. Rest.

Do things that actually nourish you, not things that “look” like healing.

12. Stop predicting failure before you even begin.

You are not who you were in June.

You are not who you were in September.

Give yourself permission to outgrow your old self without guilt.

This is Dream Girl December ✨

Not a fairytale.

Not an aesthetic.

Just a woman getting her life, her health, her peace, and her future together because she’s finally done abandoning herself.

January won’t change you.