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I found in myself, and still find, an instinct toward a higher, or, as it is named, spiritual life, as do most men, and another toward a primitive rank and savage one, and I reverence them both. I love the wild not less than the good.
from Walden by Henry David Thoreau
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How not glamorous it is to level up
Among all of my groups of friends that were not from highschool, I was always one of the most simple girls. I had never tried any fancy chocolate, any fancy drinks, had never dressed anything from any designer including smaller ones, had never gone to more than 2 restaurants in my whole life (I still haven't), had never dated someone who would take me home in their cars, and was never the kind of girl who would get pretty gifts from anyone besides my mom or some relatives, and even they would barely give me gifts on my birthday. This caused me to look at some college friends in this type of way I can't really explain in short sentences but it was like they were rich without being rich, they just lived that ✨ life ✨ that didn't seem any close to me.
My standards for everything were always low because I never had anything other than the basic necessary for living. This caused me to feel cheap close to some friends and I couldn't point what that was about. Now I know it's about the kind of people you surround yourself with, the way you present yourself and your priorities. If everything I focus in is intangible and invisible then I will never live this higher life in its full potential because, for my surprise, looks do matter, a lot. I can not wait for the best of life with my messy hair, obviously cheap clothes and dirty shoes already coming from underprivileged roots.
One of the most shocking points about this is the fact that this is not a glamorous process. Not when you already have your little package of life: recently moved out from parents, some old and new furnitures, a new neighborhood, friends and family each person with their personality that you obviously can not change and adapt into your new lifestyle, the major you're finishing... The list goes on. It's not a fresh start. There isn't a restart button. It's adaptation, it's spending time, energy and especially money. It's getting frustrated and often feeling like you're living life wrong or like you were born to live it differently. It's a lot of things but not pretty, not cute. There's no glamour in this process.
I'm sorry for all the women in the same path that may see it differently but it doesn't feel cute to me. It's sharp. Maybe in some months it will feel glamorous and pretty, but right now there are too many things to fix, to get, to completely change. Almost feels like getting my hands dirty.
Its gotten to the point that I will blank almost anything I hear in a school assembly out of spite,
Principal: *says something productive/beneficial (for once) *
Me: NO
“Do you want to enter what people call ‘the higher life’? Then go a step lower down.” —Andrew Murray, in Absolute Surrender
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Richer den most cuh we high on life
