#hi i'm...

Part 2: Hi, I'm  greypan / pan-romantic greysexual

+ What is greypan / pan-romantic greysexual? 

Let's start by talking about types of attraction. This is not exhaustive and are taken from my own experience, so they may be different from someone else's take. For me, the types of attraction I know about and experience on some levels are: 

Aesthetic attraction (where I like how someone looks) 

Platonic attraction (where I really really want to be someone's friend, or what some may call a friend-crush) 

Romantic attraction (where I like the person, want to connect with them emotionally and also cuddle and kiss) 

Sexual attraction (where I want to have sex with the person) 

When I say I'm greypan, what I mean is I experience: 

Aesthetic attraction to any gender (men, women, non-binary people etc. If they look good or aesthetically pleasing to me, I'm attracted.) 

Platonic attraction to any gender (basically, I have a friend-crush on anyone I find interesting, without necessarily being romantically or sexually attracted to them) 

Romantic attraction to any gender men, women, non-binary people etc. (I like someone and I want to spend time with them, connect emotionally, cuddle and kiss) 

Sometimes, and usually only in cases where I'm already romantically attracted to someone, I experience sexual attraction.

Because I do experience sexual attraction sometimes, I don't consider myself asexual (aka people who don't experience sexual attraction, for the most part). But I find the bulk of my experiences different from allosexuals (aka people who experience sexual attraction "normally"), and that is why I have found the term greysexual, greyace more relatable, and useful in describing and understanding my experiences. 

+ So, what does being greypan mean to me? 

I like people of various genders, and the attraction is often romantic in nature, with desire for emotional closeness and some touching (hugs and kisses). Depending on the person, or how I feel at that time, the attraction may or may not be sexual in nature. 

+ Why is it important to talk about greysexuality? 

Part 1: Hi, I'm bi/pan/greypan*

*Aka bisexual / pansexual / pan-romantic greysexual 

+ What being bi/pan means for me

I am attracted to men, women and other genders.

+ Is there a difference between being bi and pan? 

Yes, probably, but it doesn't really matter to me as a label. 

How I see it is this: "bi" is a term that is easier to explain to most people since they are usually not aware of gender being a non-binary spectrum. It's easier to leave it as "I like men and women", and not go into a lecture on other genders when I'm just having a (mostly) casual conversation. 

When I'm talking to someone who knows about other genders beyond men and women, I tend to say "pan" or "bi/pan" just because I don't really want or need to choose between the two and it doesn't really matter to me for how I've chosen to label myself. 

+ When did you realise you were bi/pan? 

I think I first properly realised it at 15, when my then best friend confessed that she likes not just men but also women and my immediate reaction was like, "Ok." And then: "Me too". 

It sounds a bit reactive but it was more of an "Aha!" moment for me. Then, afterwards, looking back, I realised I've always been checking out girls on the MRT to school, from about 12 years old at least. I've always had crushes on guys but that was considered normal so I didn't really think much about that. 

+ How do you know you are bi/pan? 

The same way how someone who's straight knows that they're straight -- I just do. Also, see all the crushes I've had from when I was a kid, ranging from guys to girls. 

+ What does greypan / pan-romantic greysexual mean? 

I'm going to save the sexual/romantic aspect for another post. For now, just know that even though I identify as bi/pan, if I want to be more specific about the different types of attraction I experience (romantic, sexual etc.), I would more specifically label myself as "greypan". 

+ If you want to find out more, these articles are helpful: