#heus

fuck i’m terrified of saying something i don’t mean and ruining this all but you’re sorta the only person who lets me be me. like, let’s be dumb at maths together and laugh at our own confusion. i’ve been missing your laugh and missing your voice. let’s run across the park at twilight even though we both don’t run. i want to tell you you’re it for me but i’m scared one day i’ll look back and the words will be empty. i can’t promise the future but right now i can say my days are better with you in them. right now i’ll love you in whatever way you need

there’s always that fear, i guess, that i’m never gonna get a bigger love than you and now i may have just fucked our whole thing up. what exactly am i supposed to do now. what do i do with forehead promises and midnight dance parties of only us and ‘i would date you if you asked’ and trips to get takeaway in our pyjamas. what if that was the happiest i’m ever gonna get and now something’s changed

everyone expects something of me except you. we could lie in bed all day and it would be fine. the whole world thinks it knows how i’m gonna act and they get mad if i play the game wrong but you just let me breathe. i hope with me you can breathe

the thing with you is i don’t care. my dad has been yelling for the past ten minutes but i can come over to yours if i want. you have a bad day and come over right as i’m trying to finish a piece under time pressure but honestly, the other thing doesn’t matter that much. we both fail a test so we spend all afternoon looking up the highest paying jobs that don’t require degrees. i’m having my third gender crisis of the week, and you’re the only person where i can get both: our friendship really, truly doesn’t change whatever the outcome might be, but you still know how important it is. when i think of you i think of love, but it doesn’t really matter what kind. the thing with you is i don’t care and i mean that in the best way possible. with everyone else every little shift is massive and every change is make or break, but with you, there’s this river flowing where it’s never the exact same twice, but you’re just you and i’m just me and whatever that is, whenever it is, it’s ok

you with me can be quiet when we want. what if we just sat on your bed and listened to king princess. we can dance and scream and laugh like the wind another time but right now you’re tired and so am i and with you i can fool myself that the snow has fallen and everyone but us is asleep