women have been doing the heteropessimism/heterofatalism thing at me for actual decades ("ohhhhh i wish i was a lesbian! men are so awful but i'm straight so what can you do. i guess i can just live alone boo hoo" etc. etc.) & it has always annoyed me but at this point i'm about ready to pop off the next time it happens in person. not only is it weird & disingenuous to say to people you perceive as lesbians but imo it just exposes your absolute shit taste in dudes & lack of imagination
somebody at a zine show earlier this year spent several minutes expounding to me on her zine compiling all the horrible "types" of men she's been on dates with locally & i was like "wow yeah huh. that sucks. sorry that keeps happening to you." she did the straight woman song & dance, ohhh this is my cross to bear, guys are just awful why do i have to be attracted to them! & it was all i could do not to just ask her if she's ever actually tried anything else. not even "have you ever dated a woman" - have you ever been on a date with guy who isn't straight. what about a guy who isn't cis. do you only date guys of a particular age or cultural background? only guys you find in a very specific set of places? what are your criteria for going on a first date with a man, & is it possible that the choices you're making are in fact part of the equation of "all men [in my life] are awful"?
like...i am OBVIOUSLY not some fucking men's rights incel-apologist here, "why do women only want the bad ones, not all men are like that" lmfao nor am i going to argue that the system of patriarchy doesn't result in widespread extremely shitty behavior among a variety of men! possibly even a majority along certain other axes of identity/privilege! but at the same time i am more than a little concerned about how low many straight women's standards seem to be & also how, idk, weirdly attached most "heteropessimist" women still are to normative gender roles & their much-bemoaned status as heterosexual
i do actually think you could try dating women too. or non-binary people. or just different kinds of men! figure out what it actually is that you like - a kind of gender presentation? certain body types/parts? i don't even care i'm not trying to interrogate your preferences i'm just saying, you have probably not exhausted your options & every time you tell me i'm "so lucky" to be queer i am getting this much closer to responding "DON'T DIE WONDERING"
