This aromantic shit feels so broken because wheew none of what i want or dont want "makes sense"
And i just do not know what other people be doing that they can just want things within whats attainable when it comes to relationships. (F.e. my pretty friend has a boyfriend i find ugly and theyre happy together and she isnt distracted by the fact that she can do way better. I could never)
The idea of monogamously entertaining one man for sex is just not loading in this cabeza.
But it's at the same time never any one i approach for a longer term. Theres just a place holder for the category "man" with (sorry to be trans exclusionary with his but) a purpose to provide dick.
And i mean this respectfully, not that all men have to offer is dick, but more like thats all i can accept from them.
I cant even pretend to want more from them relationship-wise while still having feelings that thats what i should desire. Heteronormatively speaking i should want to run into one guy and eventually like him so much i want to keep seeing him or at the very least take the steps that lead me to know him enough to like him.
When i tell you i don't care enough 🥲
And it feels almost evil that i dont have the capacity to care like that. Because its always the shocked reaction
You never had a relationship!?
You've never had a crush!?
You've never been in love?
You never love anyone enough?
Meanwhile the last one isnt entirely true it feels like the only love as a childless adult that is validated is the love of a romantic partner.
If i look at my coworkers theyre going on abt the partners they color life with each day in anecdotes and little stories, and they're literally building life, TOGETHER
Making decisions TOGETHER investing TOGETHER making their own family TOGETHER
I feel more than left out of the desire or experience of wanting to do that with someone and if i look at it socioeconomically and socioculturally i think aromanticism as an adult puts me at a huge disadvantage in life.
Because life is organized around heteronormativity.
But not just when it comes to finances and economics but also socially. Which place in ranking will people give you? (When it comes to importance to reply to first for example). Usually a partner is someone you communicate with way above average. That communication becomes socialisation and means you exchange values and learn from eachother, but also you learn about YOUR social identity as a partner to another person. (You find out what type of gf you are).
Additionally this social development is completely lost on me. Thats why i feel so immature all the time. I have no idea what its like to be serious about/ or choose someone and go through life thinking about their feelings.
Then also cognitively im missing a part of perspective-taking you probably learn from orbiting around af a partner