I am so sorry! I was putting together a story of Hesh's emotional aftermath.

The roar of the extraction choppers usually sounded like salvation, but to David, it sounded like a funeral dirge. The downdraft from the rotors whipped the sand into a blinding frenzy, stinging his eyes, but he didn't blink. He couldn't. If he closed his eyes, the image of Logan’s fingers trailing through the dirt would be scorched into his eyelids forever.

"Hesh! Talk to me, kid!"

Merrick was the first one to hit the sand, his boots heavy and rhythmic as he sprinted toward the treeline.

He skidded to a stop, his shadow falling over David’s crumpled form. He looked around wildly, his rifle raised, scanning the dense green wall of the jungle for the younger Walker.

"Where’s Logan? Hesh, where is he?"

David didn't answer. He couldn't. His throat was a mess of salt and raw grief. He just kept clawing at the dirt, his broken nails digging into the shallow ruts where Logan had fought to stay.

Merrick knelt, grabbing David by the shoulder to roll him over. "David, look at me! Where is your brother?"

The touch snapped something inside him. David didn’t see a comrade; he saw the world that had failed to protect the only person he had left. He swung a weak, clumsy fist, catching Merrick in the side of the head. It lacked power, but it was fueled by a jagged, hysterical fury.

"Get off me!" David shrieked, the sound tearing out of his chest like a physical wound. "Don't touch me! Go get him! He’s right there! He’s right there!"

He tried to lunge toward the trees, his body spasming in a grotesque crawl. He was lashing out at everything, Merrick’s hands, the medics rushing over with a stretcher, the very air itself. He kicked his good leg, spraying sand, snapping his teeth like a cornered animal when a medic tried to pin his shoulders down.

"Easy, Hesh! Easy! You’re into shock!" the medic shouted, reaching for a sedative.

"He’s not dead!" David screamed, his voice cracking into a high, thin wail that made Merrick flinch. "Rorke has him! He took him! You let him take him! Why weren't you here? Where were you?!"

David’s fingers curled into the front of Merrick’s vest, bunching the fabric, pulling the older man down into his orbit of agony. His eyes were bloodshot and wild, darting toward the dark treeline and back to Merrick’s face.

"He broke his arm, Thomas," David whispered, the anger suddenly collapsing into a fragile, terrifying whimpering. "I heard it break. I heard him scream for me and I just... I just watched. I watched him go."

"Medics, now!" Merrick barked, his own voice thick with a rare, trembling edge. He looked at the jungle, then back at the broken boy in the sand. He realized with a sickening hollow in his gut that the ruts in the sand weren't just tracks; they were the last moments of the Walker bloodline being torn apart.

"Let me go!" David started up again, his struggle becoming more frantic as the sedative began to prick his skin. He thrashed against the straps of the stretcher, his eyes fixed on the green abyss where Logan had vanished. "Logan! LOGAN!"

The scream was cut short as the drugs hit his system, his head lolling back against the nylon. But even as his eyes drifted shut, his fingers remained hooked like talons, clutching a handful of the sand where his brother had last been whole.

Merrick stood up, his face as hard as stone, staring into the trees as the choppers began to lift. He knew Rorke. He knew what was coming for the boy in the jungle. And he knew that the man currently unconscious on the stretcher would never truly wake up from this beach.

The door to the medical bay hissed open, a sound that usually signaled the arrival of a nurse with another round of dulling sedatives. But the heavy, rhythmic thud of combat boots on the linoleum told David exactly who it was. He didn't move. He stayed curled on his side, his gaze fixed on a microscopic scratch on the bedside rail.

Merrick didn’t say anything at first. He pulled over a metal stool, the screech of it against the floor sounding like a serrated blade. He sat down, his large frame hunched, his gloved hands resting on his knees. The silence between them wasn't the comfortable quiet of two soldiers who had survived a war; it was a vast, yawning canyon filled with the things they both knew but couldn't fix.

"The doc says your lungs are clearing up," Merrick said, his voice unusually low, stripped of its usual command-deck authority. "A few more days, and they’ll move you to a recovery ward."

David’s jaw tightened. "Get out."

Merrick didn’t flinch. He didn’t even sigh. He just sat there, a steady, unwanted presence. "Hesh. You need to eat something."

At the sound of his nickname, David snapped. He bolted upright, his ribs firing a warning shot of agony that made his vision swim, but he pushed through it. He shoved the tray of untouched food off the bedside table. The plastic bowl of broth shattered, splashing against Merrick’s boots.

"I said get out!" David’s voice was a jagged glass edge. "What are you even doing here, Merrick? Coming to check on the survivor? Coming to tell me we did a good job?"

Merrick looked down at the mess on his boots, then back up at David. There was no anger in his eyes, only a weary, hollow understanding that infuriated David even more.

"I’m here because I’m not leaving you alone," Merrick said quietly.

"I am alone!" David roared, his good hand fisted in the thin hospital sheets. "My dad is dead. My brother is... he’s in the dark, Merrick! He’s with that monster because you weren't fast enough! Because I wasn't strong enough!" He choked on the last word, his chest heaving. "There’s no 'us' anymore. There’s no Ghost team. It’s just me. And I’ve got nothing left to say to you."

He wanted Merrick to yell back. He wanted a fight, a reason to vent the poisonous grief that was rotting him from the inside out. He wanted Merrick to tell him he was being out of line, to act like a commander.

But Merrick just looked at him. He saw the way David’s hand was shaking. He saw the hollowed-out look in the kid’s eyes, the look of a boy who had watched his entire world get dragged into the trees. Merrick remembered Elias. He remembered a younger, greener Rorke. He knew that some holes were too deep to be filled with platitudes or military honors.

"You're right," Merrick said, his voice thick. "I wasn't fast enough. And there isn't a single thing I can say that's going to make that beach go away."

He stood up slowly, the metal stool scraping again. He didn't offer a hand or a pat on the shoulder; he knew David would probably try to bite it off. He reached into his pocket and placed something on the edge of the bed. It was a small, blackened piece of fabric, a charred Ghost patch from the wreckage.

"I can't fix it, David. I won't even try," Merrick said, turning toward the door. "But when you're ready to go get him back... I'll be waiting by the birds."

The door hissed shut behind him.

I know I haven't been around much on here but best believe COD is still a hyperfocus I have just been working on A03 mostly but needed a small break from the current story because ya boy wrote himself into a corner again. MOST do not have screenshots, but SOME DO. Merrick: Merrick met you at a bar. He was never looking for anything serious in his life he knew it wasn't something he would ever have access to. So he went into it knowing that eventually he would fade back into nothing. You however, were smitten with this man! Sure he's bald a little rough out of the edges but he broke your back and cuddles like he wanted to marry you. So OF COURSE you thought the talking his hips and pads of his fingers were doing was honest. Merrick Spent about a month being everything you thought you wanted in a man. You didn't question why he didn't meet your friends or even talk about a relationship. You didn't question how the photos you sneakily took or even fully took with his knowledge vanished off your phone one day. It was when suddenly his text messages went green. You suddenly he wasn't anywhere that you would normally see him and this was alarming on many different levels. You thought he might have been killed at first. You waited to see anything on social media and found nothing.

Ajax: Ajax wasn't just some random guy you met. You've known him since you were kids. You knew him when he joined the military with his best friend and you were happy for both of them. You two have been in an on and off again relationship for years at this point.

You video chatted with him during basic. You went to his ceremonies. You went to a Marine Gala with him once or twice over his career and then he got recruited by a team you didn't even know the name of.

He got more secretive. He looked more exhausted all the time. He was busier. You would message his best friend sometimes to ask if he was okay but then even with him you didn't get very far.

Then one day you felt a shift. It was so sudden that you somehow KNEW something was off. Something was no longer right with the world and you messaged him. Then you called him. You video called him. He never answered. You simply just Never heard from him again. You never heard from ANY of them again. Even when you saw his best friend come home, saw him at the store buying a 12 pack of beer you asked him. And he just blinked at you a few times. He didn't answer and you were too pissed to care about why he was covering for him.

"If he didn't want to fucking see me anymore he could have just fucking said so"

You were never corrected on what actually happened.

Hesh: You met Hesh at the park. He was with his dog and you were obviously IN LOVE with this good boy. And the dog. You two went on mostly coffee dates and he kept his life a big ol secret but that was part of the allure. Slowly getting more info as time passed.

Sure when he randomly vanishes for a few weeks you would worry. But he always showed back up with your coffee order and a forehead kiss. He would meet your friends and he was friendly. They loved him.

They all made the comments of "you have never looked happier" "He's so fun" You two were out on another outing, and you two ran into an old friend from High school. You stopped and introduced him to them.

"this is my boyfriend, David" You had said. He played the part for the time being. After the outing he seemed fine. Nothing was different. He still made you cum twice before you two were sleeping in bed beside each other.

You woke up and he was gone. Not unique for him, it was a common thing he did. If you asked he would tell you it was work but this? This was different. He didn't reply to your messages after. He was watching the texts come through but he never replied to them.

Neptune: Neptune was in your unit. Dating within the unit was not allowed and you both knew that. You kept things professional at work. You tried to keep the things that this man did to you when lights were off and doors were locked on the down low.

He always seemed so fluid with it. He rarely seemed to even flinch when you walked into a room. He didn't give you second glances the way you did him. He seemed to have this down to a science.

You two got drunk one night. Everyone was drinking and when everyone finally stumbled off to bed you two stumbled into your barracks and even though the sex was messy, uncoordinated, and kind of sloppy but it was good sex.

He left the next morning and you assumed he was sneaking out so no one caught him in there with you. To go back to life as usual. Neptune spent more time on his own, working with your current captain for a transfer. Why? Because while you don't remember what you said in the heat of the moment he did. Very clearly. He remembered that between sloppy thrusts you had muttered you *belonged* to him. That after with you two cuddling in bed while the room spins around you, he had actually felt that maybe...he wanted you to.

He couldn't let that happen. So he worked hard and he barely spoke to you. He faded into nothing and you had no idea. He didn't tell you when he was leaving. He just up and left. And you never heard from him again.

Torch: I may just be bi sexual but this man is gay leave me alone. Torch met you at a gay bar that he snuck off to because he just needed to put someone under him. Your bartended there and you were serving him drinks for a good portion of the night with nothing but sly smiles and too long of hand contact between you for the night.

He didn't go home with anyone but you did spend your thirty minute break in the alley way with him humming down his throat and swallowing his. He snuck his number into your pocket and you didn't notice until you got home.

Of COURSE you texted him.

He came back to the bar a few times. A routine you two got in the habit of until he would be waiting around for your shift to be over. Following you home and fuck did you enjoy this new sudden feeling of being so into someone who seemed so into you.

he told you that you shouldn't text him if you could help it. something about his job and him always being there. You understood. So you kept it up. He however, was beginning to see that as always, good things would be coming to an end. Sure he loved being around you. But his job was no place for a relationship and he couldn't keep vanishing to the bar every night.

His friends were questioning where he was going and he wasn't too keen on sharing you. So he used the next deployment as a low contact way to cut things off. Said he was going on a work trip and kissed you goodbye and it lasted longer than he should have allowed.

He blocked your number and vanished. You only noticed that it felt like it's been forever two weeks later when you realized he never gave you a time frame. You just happened to notice he wasn't coming around. Then that turned into six months before it finally settled that he had Ghosted you. Should have known better, no way was a man like that going to stick around.

Kick: Kick was a good boyfriend. Really he was. He was a great boyfriend, he was so attentive when he could be. He was so sweet when he needed to be. And he was FILTHY when you wanted him to be.

Kick however had issues with feeling like maybe he was pushing you into a life that was never going to be good for you. At first you really did find it fine. You liked his job. You thought it was a Noble cause, something you were proud of him for.

Then missions went on too long. Then his excuses and apologies didn't land as hard. When your replies shortened from:

"It's okay! I know the risks are a lot! I promise it's fine. I mean I knew that this could happen when we started this! I can handle it I promise"

turned into:

"It's fine." Which he read between the lines. You weren't. You were miserable. You had lost weight since this last year, when he had more missions than he was prepared for, that he hadn't prepared you for.

It hurt watching you slowly resent him for everything that made you fall for him in the first place. That was until one night he came home from a mission sooner than he had told you. Something that rarely happened and he planned on surprising you.

He didn't expect to hear you on the phone with your friend. And he just listened.

"I don't know. I think sometimes I wish I just didn't get with him in the first place. I mean how many times am I going to be okay with being disappointed before I leave ya know?"

"He's never going to change. He's more in love with his job than he is with me and I can't be a mistress to the fucking military"

It gutted him. Sure he knew things weren't great. But that was different. That was harder. That felt like dying because now it was confirmed.

So he went back to base. Slept there for the night. Waited until you were at work and he came back and he took all of his things. And he just vanished. Sometimes you wondered if he heard it. If he knew. If this was him feeling the same way and just decided to leave about it.

You never got answers.

Logan: Logan didn't want to Ghost you. But he knew he would have to eventually. You were sweet. Too sweet. And he was grieving in a way that made it hard to give you what you deserved.

He let his jealousy about you having an alive father actually make him slightly bitter. No longer going to family gatherings with you. No longer wanting to hear you talk about your childhood or ask your dad for anything.

It was getting to a point where even he knew that you were getting hurt about it. Which was hard enough as it is. he was being a dick and he knew that. Then you blew up on him rightfully so. Told him that he was putting his grief on her in a way that was unfair. That he should talk to a therapist or become self aware.

You tore him a new one and all he felt the entire time was how stupid you were for not seeing how this altered his entire life.

Even if he had some layer of self awareness about it he still couldn't find it in him to change it and he knew that where life led him, had led him away from you. That he wasn't right for you right now and maybe never again.

He wouldn't put you on hold. He wouldn't make you wait for him to get his shit together. He just left. And somehow you knew when he left your place that night that something was different. Confirmed when a month had passed and he had been radio silent. you WANTED to reach out. You really did. But you didn't. Because you were still hurt.

And you hated that he couldn't even stand to break up with you the normal way. So you let your anger swallow your pain and you didn't understand how he could be so heartless. Not until your dad passed. And then suddenly you wanted to reach out to him.

You wanted to tell him you got it now. It was too late for that. He had changed his number by then. He had swallowed himself into work again. It had been years of course you couldn't think everything would be the same.

You just hoped that it wouldn't be like this.

Grim: (pretend the colour is black because it wouldn't let me switch it) Grim was the hookup that never left. You two spent so much time on each other than you were forgetting what it felt like to NOT have him inside you. Good morning sex. Afternoon sex. You just got home from work sex. He just got back from work sex. You made jello sex. Dinner sex. We just showered after having sex and now we are having more sex sex. It was a problem and you didn't want to fix it.

He didn't even mean to Ghost you. He had left your place because he had to go to work and he would be gone for a minute and by the time he had gotten back he had met someone else. Someone who did literally stop his entire brain with a glance.

He didn't tell you or reach out. you didn't hear from him. You just saw him. You saw him with her at the store and it was like you got every answer you needed.

Sure you two never made it official. But he could have at least TOLD YOU that he met someone else. The problem was when he saw you he didn't even act like he knew you. He gave you a side-ways glance like you were just another NPC in his life he was making sure wasn't a threat.

It fuckin hurt. That was when you swore off military men, tall men, men in general for six months, and then strictly men who looked like he did. no more men with abs and facial hair. They were too fucking dangerous.

Keegan: Keegan told you from the beginning he wasn't a relationship guy. He told you he liked casual sex but there was NOTHING about fucking Keegan that was casual.

The 3 am texts SHOULD have been enough but they weren't. Because Keegan is fucking filthy. Because Keegan makes you cum so many times just to prove to you that he can. To feed his own ego. Because Keegan knew he had good dick and was a slut about it.

The problem was is that he was also very fucking sweet when he wanted to be. Like when you broke your ankle doing something you friends all told you to do and you listened because its for the bit. And when he found out he spent his days off with you.

Doing everything around your house. Making sure you took your pain meds and that you didn't lift a fucking finger or twitch a fucking toe. Or when you got your period and you were in so much pain from cramps you thought this had to be end and he had been planning on coming over.

You told him your situation with a frown because "Im sorry I know you really wanted to fuck tonight" which was met with a scoff and a head shake.

"Baby I'll survive without it for a few days. I don't mind" and then spend the whole fucking night refilling your hot water bottle and listening to you ramble about the comfort show you put on. When he went out at 2 am and bought you more tampons because you ran out of your last one since you weren't expecting your period this early you hadn't restocked. (that mother fucker jumpstarted it you know it)

Then you told him that you wanted a little more. You had done it by accident. While he was leaving.

"Okay be safe, love you" you said.

Well now it was time to move on. You had messaged him to see where the fuck he had been. And after THAT conversation, it was the last you heard from him.

MORE Raccoon Walkers

As they oldest in my family I resonate with this.

Hesh never brings it up first.

That’s the thing about people who grow up being the strong one you learn early that your job is to hold, not to spill. To carry, not to lean. So when you’re sitting together on the back steps, dusk settling in and the cicadas starting up, he’s perfectly content just being quiet with you.

Until you say it.

“I hate how people assume I’m fine,” you murmur. Not angry. Just tired. “Like… I’ve always had it together, so nobody ever checks.”

Hesh’s head turns slowly.

Not sharply. Not surprised.

Just… attentive.

“Yeah?” he says, gently.

You shrug, eyes on the yard. “I was the big one. The responsible one. If something went wrong, I handled it. If something hurt, I swallowed it. There wasn’t really room for me to fall apart.”

There’s a long pause.

Then Hesh exhales through his nose, almost a laugh but it doesn’t have any humor in it.

“Jesus,” he says quietly. “You sound like you grew up in my house.”

You glance at him. He’s staring ahead now, elbows on his knees, hands loosely clasped like he’s bracing something invisible.

“People think I raised Logan,” he continues. “I didn’t. Not really. Dad was there. He did what he could.” His jaw tightens, just a fraction. “But after Mom died… all the worry went to Logan. Because he was younger. Because he needed it.”

He swallows.

“And I was already ‘fine.’”

That word again. Fine. The lie that sticks.

“So nobody checked,” he says. “Nobody asked if I was scared. Or lonely. Or pissed off that everything changed and I just had to… adjust.”

You don’t interrupt. You know better than that.

“I learned fast,” he adds. “If I kept things running, nobody looked too close. And that was safer.”

You reach over then. Not dramatic. Just your fingers sliding into his, warm and sure.

“I see you,” you say softly. “Not the capable one. Not the steady one. You.”

He goes very still.

It hits him like a delayed wound that someone finally named the part of him that was never allowed to need.

“You know,” he admits, voice rougher now, “sometimes I wish someone had worried about me. Just once. Asked if I was okay without assuming the answer.”

Your thumb brushes over his knuckles. “You deserved that.”

His eyes flick to you, sharp and vulnerable all at once.

“So did you.”

For a moment, neither of you speaks. The air feels fuller somehow, like something unspoken finally found a place to rest.

Then Hesh squeezes your hand.

“We don’t gotta be invisible here,” he says quietly. “Not with each other.”

You smile, leaning into his shoulder.

“No,” you agree. “We don’t.”