#herearethelessons

5 tracks for getting ready in the morning

1. Hollow - Tori Kelly ft Big Sean

2. Summertime in Paris - Jaden

3. Good Thing - Kehlani 

4. Suncity - Khalid ft. Empress Of

5. Easy breezy - Kiana Lede

     – My Friday Favourites (Herearethelessons)

Me, in my truest form

Starlight

Knowledge

Company - the beautiful kind

Music

Endless adventure

Books

To breathe easy 

5 tracks for a rainy day

1.Oceans apart - Secret Nation

2.Crowded places - Banks

3.Slumber - Lewis Watson ft Lucy rose

4.Fly - Meadowlark (acoustic) 

5. Anchor - Novo Amor

      -- My Friday Favourites (Herearethelessons)

1. Some feelings last years. Sometimes they come back, like a wave you don’t expect. This is normal - and we don’t speak about it enough. Never feel bad for having waves (and never feel bad for not getting over something as fast as you think you should have). Acting on the waves is okay too - even if those actions have a bad outcome. Even if those actions make more waves. Even if those actions are good. 

2. A lot of people have your best interests at heart but also never want to see you in any form of pain. Pain, hurt, sadness; these are natural (and unavoidable) emotions. We must go through them from time to time and stop seeing them as evil. It’s usually the case that you just need to feel sad for a little before you move on - explain that to them.  

3. There are things that you never have to tell anyone. You are allowed secrets. 

4. Sometimes there are blessings in lessons. Search for these as often as you can. Sometimes there’s no fucking rhyme, reason or blessing in a lesson. Know that shitty things occasionally happen when the universe rolls the dice - but know that the roll is never about you.

5. The most terrifying thing I’ve realised, is how easy it is to be afraid of what other people will think and how easy it is to let that stop you from being yourself authentically. Don’t let your worst fear be that someone experiences a thought about you that you can’t control. It’s just a thought. 

6. Consistency is jumping your brain before it can think. Act fast - you don’t want to get to the stage where you argue with your brain because it usually always wins. 

7. Google keep is a lifesaver. And google calendar. And google docs. 

8. Your memory is not as good as you think. Take pictures, write notes, journal. For meetings that require you to do actions, write an email immediately to that person you met with outlining/confirming what will be done - save it as a draft if you have to. That way when you get buried underneath the mountain of other tasks and can’t remember what you said you’d do, you can search through your emails.

9. Every time you do something challenging, you get better at doing challenging things. This ability is in direct proportion with your ability to succeed. 

10. Doing inner child work(or ‘reparenting’) is the best thing you can do if you don’t know how to put yourself first. If it’s easier for you to put other people first and you want to work on yourself, start talking to your inner child. Take care of them, help them heal and do the work. 

11. Saving images and quotes on your social media isn’t enough. Set aside time each week to either purge them or action them (or collage them).

12. Being selective isn’t a bad thing. Having an opinion or standards or a moral code isn’t a bad thing - you’re entitled to have all these things, even if they go against the grain. It’s only bad when you think it makes you’re better than someone. 

13. Boundaries are so important. The easiest time to set them is at the beginning of anything. If you set the bar low, people will riot when you want to raise them. If you set the bar high at the start, people will either realise they can’t meet them or will do what it takes to get there. 

14. Resting isn’t always easy. For people who are go-go-go, learning to rest is a skill. It can be developed and cultivated but it will be hard. Expect that and figure it out anyway.

15. Positive affirmations are cool, but neutral affirmations are what works for me. Before I can build myself up, I need to affirm that I am not less than anyone else.

16. Before you try to purge your wardrobe to start over, make a pinterest board and start figuring out how you actually want to dress. Throwing out clothes, realising you don’t have clothes and buying cheap clothes to ‘tide you over’ until you figure out how you want to dress is wasteful. Consider how much coverage you want (sheer materials, cropped lengths, deep necks), how much maintenance you can put in (materials that crinkle easily, materials that need to be ironed or dry cleaned), comfort, thickness (hot and cold climates, seasonal transitions) and purpose (do you go to work a lot? Stay home a lot? Are there clothes that can work in multiple settings?)

17. Journaling is so important for processing and guiding your thoughts about the world. Without journaling, I find that I don’t process events much or figure out how I’m feeling. It may not feel important in the moment but at the end of the week, I feel the difference. 

18. Learning things that don’t come naturally to you is always going to be uncomfortable because it will remind you that you don’t know things - that you’re deficit in knowledge. You’re not. You’re underpracticed and you can’t know everything. Learn anyway.

19. There will be friends who drain you and friends who energize you. This isn’t bad or good; some people and interactions require more energy from you than others. Learn to recognise your hype friends, your ‘I need to tell someone this’ friends, your comfort friends, your advice friends, your no-judgement-no-questions-asked friends, your ‘let’s talk about our growth and what brings us peace’ friends and your ‘let’s go do stuff together’ friends. 

Bonus: As someone who has had negative self-talk all their life, making time to listen to friends who are confident and outspoken regarding their opinions is like having an ice bath - shocking to the system but incredibly healing. Listen to the kindness they use to speak about themselves, the bad ass attitude they use to defend their opinions - and try to internalise it. If you’re short on truly confident friends, this tip works with podcasts too.