it had been a particularily bad day for grant and he had spent the evening and well into the night drinking alone. he’d even gone to a different bar so that nick wasn’t babysitting him or cutting him off. everything felt heavy and the self loathing was in full swing. fingers drummed impatiently against the bar table as he waited for his next drink, dark bags under his eyes as if he hadn’t slept in days. he had slept just poorly, especially since breaking things off with octavia, again. he was no good for her, he would only hurt her and it was clear because he’d done just that, over and over. he ran a hand through his hair as he frowned deeply at the bartender who seemed to be chatting with one of the other customers. his jaw clenched and he rose, slamming down some cash and headed out. he’d just find a different bar then. or just go buy his own damn bottle for all he cared.

     it was with the quickness in which he rose that the alcohol he’d already had seemed to really take effect as he swayed a little while pushing through the crowd out. heading back to nicks bar he decided he’d take one of the bottles there since every liquor store was closed by now and he’d just been about to enter when octavia came out and the two nearly bumped into one another. “fuck,” he muttered in surprise as he skidded to a halt, swaying backwards a little as an arm reached out to grab the door. are you drunk? she asked looking up at him and grant scoffed, “so what if i am? what are you doing here?” the question was stupid because she came here all the time but he couldn’t think of anything else to say. he couldn’t even fully focus on her answer and when she finished and asked him, he shrugged, “going to grab a bottle of something. now if you’ll excuse me...” he muttered, words slurring the whole time.

     she followed him in and he ignored both her and nick’s concerned glances. ignored nick’s mild outrage at him plucking a bottle of whisky from the back. he waved them away and though nick didn’t stray from the bar, octavia followed. he sighed, “leave me alone, i’m fine,” he muttered before tripping and stumbling against the side of the wall, jaw clenching with irritation and embarrassment at that. oh yeah, clearly, octavia muttered before taking his arm and holding his waist to guide him up to one of the apartments he’d crash at here once and a while. for nights such as tonight. cmon, she murmured and he simply gave in, head hanging in defeat as he hid inside his head, berating himself for every wrong doing he’s done, old and anew. 

     once inside the apartment she helped him to bed for which he sat down on with another sigh, slipping out of his shoes. she went to take the bottle from him and he glared at her, just so i can take your jacket off... she informed him with a roll of her eyes and his expression softened, releasing the neck of the whisky bottle. he helped her, shrugging out of it as she took it off him, all the while muttering that she didn’t need to do this, that he was fine, yet it clearly wasn’t. and finally when she’d come back from locking the front door he sat there with his head in his hands. “i’m sorry o...” he murmured quietly, sounding far less drunk than moments ago. “i..” he began as he raised his head to look at her with dark honey eyes. it was too much to ever utter aloud and so he simply shook his head as she came to him.

     lay down... she offered and he reluctantly did so with the guidance of her hand on his shoulder. he shifted as he laid back against the bed, eyes closing as an arm went over his face to hide the distress he was in. “you don’t have to stay you know.... i’m not going to drink anymore...” he murmured as he felt the bed sink a little where she sat beside him. she didn’t answer him but instead he felt the bed shift as she moved to lay down beside him and his eyes suddenly stung with unshed tears. “what are you doing...?” he asked in a quiet tone, swallowing thickly around the lump in his throat. as her arm wrapped around him he felt as if he was going to crack his jaw with how tightly it was clenched, exhaling sharply through his nose. he didn’t move, even if all he wanted was to hug her back.