It's wild how I just went through one of the hardest situations of my life and it was one of the best things I've ever done.
Told my husband Wednesday night that I was leaving him & all the whys. I had a couple friends coming later to help me pack and another friend's guest bedroom to go to.
But instead of leaving, we talked it out for 5 hours (I updated my friends w/in 20 min of their arrival that I wasn't leaving that night). I passed out having only 2 hrs of sleep the night previous. The next day we talked more & more until there was more laughter than tears.
Now we have a "Blossoming Plan" to get us back to having a healthy relationship together (which includes starting personal therapy for him and marriage counseling for us, along with communication & lifestyle changes). And he's realized that he wants me in his life no matter what — he even said he'll stay by me if I start HRT (which looked like a marriage-ender previously). And I believe it.
Yesterday morning I was researching my local Nootka Rose for my Herbiary & discovered it perfectly represents me & this situation. I set a controlled burn to rid myself of dead ends & bring forth healthier growth. I expected the result to burn away my marriage, but instead it rid us of stagnancy/complacency & rot.
The Nootka is popular for ecological restoration. Its deep, spreading roots are great for preventing river bank erosion. They've even being planted to fight back against Knotweed! Nootka grows in liminal spaces, along the edges of shade and sun. They provide shelter, pollination, and food for local creatures. Their fruits contain medicine and their flowers give off a gentle scent. Unlike the busy domesticated garden roses, these wild roses have only 5 pink petals per flower.
Yet they don't give their gifts without regard to their own wellbeing. They have prickles (thorns). You have to respect the plant to recieve its gifts.
I am resilient. I am giving. I am restoration-minded.