#helpingchildren

Hey iedereen,

Het is bijna het einde van de derde week van de corona crisis. Deze week heb ik besloten om toch langst familie te gaan, omdat het wel lang geleden was dat ik ze heb gezien. Daar heb ik mijn nichtjes geholpen met hun beetje huiswerk dat ze moeten maken tijdens de lockdown. Zij moesten vrij simpele dingetjes maken zoals rekenen, taal en lezen.

Ook heb ik een dag volledig alles gekuist omdat het nodig was en een propere omgeving is toch altijd fijn.

This conversation with my brother is always on stand-by in my head. I've tried to have it in real life, but he just never hears me. I work in Disability Support Services, so it comes up a LOT.

For context, he helped his gf pull her son (let's call him X) out of special ed because he didn't want the kid to be bullied. Admirable, but ultimately mis-guided.

And to be clear- I hate all the terms that are used to describe "disabilities" and "disabilities support". But it's the terminology my college still uses. Also, trigger warning: R-word used once. I apologize in advance (please see context before you get too mad at me.)

Me: Look, Bro, I get it, you want what's best for the kid. Public schools are sadly under-funded, there's a teacher shortage. You want the kid to get a good education, but if they think he needs those services, it's to help him.

Bro: No, you don't get it. They tell all the kids that they're "disabled" because they disrupt classrooms or they just don't have time for them- if they would just sit down and spend some time with him, he's capable of learning this stuff! I sat with him and helped him and his grades went up.

Me: I'm sure they did- you know how to teach him. He needs a certain teaching method in order to best learn the subject- everyone does! I'd say there's probably 50-60% of people that learn one way, and they do fine in the classroom. Then there are another 10-20% of kids who struggle but have the support or time and home life that allows them to stay on top of their studies. Then there's another 10-20% that need more support. That's where X is, he needs those supports!

B: Exactly! He just needs someone to sit with him, to work with him the right way.

M: B, that's what they're trying to do!!! That's what "special ed" is! It teaches that other 10-20% (probably higher) different study skills to enable them to learn the way they're wired.

B: Well, they shouldn't have to go to "Special Ed" to do it!! He was scared of the way his friends would treat him if he ended up in the retarded class.

M: Let's not call it that, ok? And I understand why he'd be worried, kids with special needs have always been bullied. BUT the move to put them in public schools was huge. Before that, they were sent to private institutions and given no chance at a normal life.

But I digress- you pulling him out of that class pulled him away from the teachers that are trained to instruct him in a manner that works for him.

B: There are more kids in those classes than the teachers can keep up with!

M: There are- again, teacher shortage.

B: So he's not getting the help he needs!

M: But if he stays in the regular classroom, he's likely to fall behind and stay behind because he isn't given the tools he needs to keep up. They take them out of class to give them extra time on exams, to give them a quieter place to take tests so that they're less anxious. They teach different methods of learning.

I see students every day that just need a little more time, a little extra help and they pass with flying colors. Every kid deserves that.

B: That's exactly what he needs!!

M: Then why did you take him out of the class???

B: Because they'll harass him, his friends won't talk to him.

M: Well, that's awful. But it speaks to the bigger problem that we treat people with "special needs" differently. ADHD doesn't make you a freak. Autism Spectrum Disorder doesn't make you a psycho. It just means you need accommodations. That's it. Your brain works differently than the "normies", but there's nothing wrong with that. There are TONS of people out there with these "Disorders".

Side bar: can we stop calling them "Disabilities"???? My college still does, but I know a lot are changing, thank god. It's ridiculous, and it keeps kids/students/people from seeking help.

Ok, back in- There are TONS of people like this. And the more you tell them they're "different" or "slow" or "stupid" the more you contribute to the systemic bullying. When you pulled X from those classes, you basically told a child that it's wrong to have ADHD (which he almost certainly has, btw), that he SHOULD be ashamed, because it puts him in a class with weirdos and slow people. So, for the rest of his life, when he sees people with ADHD or autism or SLD or whatever else, he's going to think there's something wrong with them. That they are somehow "lesser" than the the rest.

B: Well, I hadn't thought of it that way...

M: Worst of all, by pulling him out of those classes, he never got his IEP. He doesn't have proof of accommodations that are needed. If he ever decides to go to college, and they need proof, he will have to pay thousands of dollars to be diagnosed. It'll take months to get in to see someone for that diagnosis. And while he's waiting, he's failing his class because it's just a little bit too fast for him, and he needs help with notes or extra time on his tests.

B: Well then why can't they just give those things to him?!

M: We would love to! But it's not that easy. Accommodations can put more stress on teachers and their lesson plans, and there's still discrimination at the college level. We fight with teachers all the time to make sure students receive their accommodations. Students need advocates to get a fair shot. And when you took X out of that class, you took away his advocates.

B: That wasn't my intention... I wanted to protect him.

M: I know you did. And that's admirable. I'm glad he thinks of you as a hero, because your intentions were great. But please, understand the whole situation. It's very complicated. VERY complicated. And instead of judging kids who need help, try to understand that the system is often rigged against them. Understand that teachers need a lot of help and support. (and to be paid better) and maybe listen to them when they say a kid needs some accommodations. In the end, all accommodations are are safety nets. If you need them, they're there to catch you. If you get your test done without the screen reader and in the same amount of time as your peers, that's great, too. But don't take away a students ability to learn just because you don't understand the whole situation.

And scene.

(via Helping Children Grow Into Socially Responsible Adults)