#hello hello hello

Joel and Ellie had volunteered to do most of the hard work in Afton since it reminded them of their time on the road. Well, at least of the good times on the road. Horse riding, shooting, a little detour here and there to explore, and camping together. The moment they stepped out of the walls of Jackson, Ellie turned from the moody teenager that was insufferable back to the girl Joel met years ago in the Boston ZQ. 

But she wasn’t a girl anymore, Joel had to remind himself.

Instead of cracking her joke book, or playing car games with him, Ellie talked. Nonstop. About everything. Mostly Dina, but everything, really. And one of her favorite topics of conversation was Morgan, although she had been Jackson’s number one gossip for a while now.

Even if she wasn't very popular amongst the adults of Jackson, Morgan had become quite the IT girl between the younger crowd. Since she couldn't really hang out with Maria or Tommy or the others, Morgan had spent more time with Dina and the younger folks of the town, who looked up to her as an older sister who didn’t strive away from saying things the way they were.

What they admired was the lack of care about the circulating rumors, the brutal words whispered behind her back. They also admired that she didn’t hide her bump, nor that she didn't stop wearing low waist pants, even if they weren’t fitting anymore. 

“Seriously, Dina insists Morgan left town, when I tell her it’s impossible. I would've known if she had left. Jesse believes she must've sneaked out, through a secret gate or a broken fence.” Ellie rambled as they rode their horses through the green woods.

“Mhm”

“She never tells us about the father, no matter how much Dina pokes at her. We believe it’s because he’s probably too ugly, or too old to be with her.” Ellie continued, finally catching her dad’s attention.

“Huh?” is all he said, when he would’ve loved to say ‘who are ya calling ugly and old, you punk?’

Ellie shrugged. “I mean, if she's keeping it so secretive, he mustn't be someone she is proud of bragging she got knocked up.” Those words hit Joel lower than he had thought they would. But Ellie kept talking. “S’not like she fucked Bret Pitt.”

“It’s Brad Pitt, smartass, and you're talking nonsense.” he huffed.

Ellie’s eyes lit up. “Why? You know something I don't?"

“No.” he lied.

“Come on, now, spill it.”

Joel rolled his eyes. “I’m just saying you shouldn't judge her and her decisions.”

“I don’t, I just judge the man she picked…” Ellie hesitated for a second. “Dina says it’s not possible, but many also rumor she was rap—”

Joel stopped his horse, and spoke firmly. “That's not true.”

“I know, I know. She wouldn't have let something like that happen to her again.” Ellie caught herself.

“Again?” Joel repeated, confused for a second. 

“The abuse, I mean.” Ellie clarified, and Joel realized he had been holding his breath. For a second, he thought she meant Morgan had already been pregnant before, but he knew that wasn’t true. He remembered the night she told him about the exchangers, back when the snow was still melting, and how she had explained she was too skinny to menstruate properly. 

“Those days you went missing, I spent the night with her” Ellie said, her voice low.

“I know, you told me about her candy stash”

“Yeah, well, she told me what the exchangers did to her too, in a bit more detail… I don't know, she looks… too happy about being pregnant. I don't believe she was forced to do anything she didn’t want to.” Ellie explained.

It made Joel uncomfortable to see Ellie wasn’t as stupid as the rest of Jackson, because it meant she was closer to piecing two and two together. “Because she wasn't, now quit it.” he replied gruffly, and with a click of his tongue, his horse started to move again. 

Ellie followed him in silence, as she thought. But Ellie, being Ellie, didn’t let the conversation die. “I asked her, that night, if she liked girls.”

That sparked Joel’s interest again. “And?”

“She said she didn’t, but I seriously can't understand her.” Ellie replied, innocently. It made Joel smirk a bit.

“Because you're a lesbian.”

“No, I don't mean that, I mean— if I had even been…” Ellie tried to articulate her words, but she was clearly struggling. Both stopped their horses again, and Ellie managed to speak again. “If a man ever did to me what they did to her… I wouldn’t ever want to be near one again. And she has been through that, and then chose to have sex with a man again, because that's how she got pregnant.”

Joel couldn’t judge Ellie and her reasoning. The whole thing was confusing, because what Morgan had been through was a hard pill to swallow. He also couldn’t comprehend entirely how Morgan was still strong, living, and willing to move on after everything. But he admired that of her.

“Ellie, the heart wants what the heart wants. Something can hurt us and you can still want it and love it.”

“Why?”

Joel sighed, and looked around the green forest, trying to think of how to explain this to a sixteen-year-old. “If Dina ever hurt you, in any way, would you not still love her?”

“I— love is a strong word. I don’t know if I love Dina” Ellie stuttered, a bit flushed.

Joel rolled his eyes “If I hurt you, then, wouldn't you still love me?”

Ellie was clearly even more confused now. “I guess it depends.” she said, quietly. 

“I would never do anything to hurt you intentionally, but it can happen. The people we love can make us feel pain, and sadness. Morgan has every right to want to move on with her life and have sex with a man if that's what she wants, even if men have hurt her with sex before.” he explained, and Ellie nodded. 

They continued their journey, as golden rays of sunshine came down on them through the thick forest foliage. 

“Joel?”

“Mhm?”

“Why are Tommy and Maria mad at Morgan?”

Joel sighed, exhausted. “I'm done with the Morgan topic.”

“Come on.”

He rolled his eyes, knowing that the sooner he addressed the Morgan issue, the faster Ellie would be done with it. “They're mad because of the same reason everyone talks about her: she never said who's the father.”

“Wow, so he must really be ugly.” Ellie said, and Joel bit his tongue. “Why didn't she tell them, tho?”

He turned around to face her, his horse stopping a bit abruptly. “Do I look like a Morgan encyclopedia to you?”

“Gosh” Ellie murmured under her breath as they continued riding, now in a more tense silence which, of course, didn’t last long.

“Joel?”

“If it’s another Morg—”

“S’not about her.” Ellie quickly caught herself.

“What, then?”

Joel had imagined Ellie would’ve asked literally anything else but what she did ask him. 

“Wouldn't you want to have a kid someday?”

“I have you.” he said condescendingly. 

“I mean a baby.”

“And what are you, a dog?”

“Come on, dude, you know what I mean” Ellie huffed. And he nodded, because yeah, of course he knew what she meant, and this question was another fucking Morgan question, even if Ellie didn’t know it.

“Ellie, I'm too old to be changing diapers, and you alone give me enough to stress about as it is”

“Ha”

“Besides—“

“You'll need to be with a woman, yeah, little detail.” Ellie cut him off, sarcastically.

Joel couldn’t really understand where Ellie’s question was coming from. “You want a sibling or something all of the sudden?” he asked, teasingly. 

“Could be cool, yeah. To be a big sister, I mean.” Ellie shrugged.

“You’ve got your cousin.” Joel replied, in reference to Benji, who Ellie had been babysitting a couple nights a week. Maybe that’s where this question was coming from. Right?

“S’not the same.”

Joel huffed, but he knew that, if he showed he was pissed off, Ellie was going to figure it out. “Well, Ellie, go look around, if you find a cute looking rock, that can be your new sibling” he said sarcastically.

“Ha-ha” Ellie said dryly, and Joel continued teasing her as she clicked her tongue and made her horse walk past him.

“Or a stick, or a snail.” he said to her as she marched off, and his shoulders slumped after a moment.

⋆˚𖥔 ݁ ˖𓂃.☘︎ ݁˖

Joel wasn't sure if his conversation with Ellie had been a blessing from her part, disguised as a simple comment, but it didn't let him sleep comfortably for the next couple of days.

Ellie wanted a sibling. 

And the worst part was, she already was about to have one, but he couldn't tell her.

Joel knew it was time to untangle the Christmas lights sitting in a box in the attic: his feelings for Morgan, and the baby. He had to figure out if he cared or not about her, if he cared or not about that baby, if he was really just a sperm donor, a friend helping out another friend, or a stupid asshole who wanted to have sex without dating and took advantage of a confused, lonely girl who wanted a baby without a partner.

He had already hurt Tommy and Maria, indirectly, by disobeying their direct commands, sleeping with Morgan and getting her pregnant. He had hurt Morgan by ignoring her altogether after getting her pregnant, and he hurt himself along the way when he slept with her on Ellie’s birthday. And now, he was hurting his daughter too.

Ellie’s simple question made Joel remember how, back when she was a little girl, Sarah had asked over and over and over again for a sibling. All her friends at school had siblings, even kids with divorced parents or just one parent at home, like her, so her six-year-old brain couldn't wrap her head around Joel’s endless explanations as to why it was literally impossible for her to have one.

It had hurt him a lot to say no to Sarah, because he tried to give her anything she asked for. After all, she was a perfect kid: great grades, kind, sweet, intelligent, compassionate, well mannered. And even if she hadn't been such a good kid, Joel would’ve still spoiled her with anything she asked, because she was his daughter.

But a sibling was one of the few requests he had ever said no to, and now he had to also say no to Ellie as well.

Joel’s heart felt heavy on his chest. Why couldn’t he give Ellie what she wanted? Why did he have to fail her, just as he failed Sarah, when this time it was possible to get her what she wanted? Shit, what she wanted already existed.

When Joel and Ellie returned to Jackson after their trip, Joel headed straight to the barn, to find Morgan. To tell her what? He didn’t know yet, but he had to talk to her, or at least kiss her if she’d let him. Smell her perfume, touch her stomach, try to see if her sweet scent could actually help him come to a conclusion to this mess they both got into. And if it didn’t, at least it was going to soothe his pain for a bit. 

Sunset was almost over as Joel marched towards the barn, with the night sky getting darker by the minute. But Joel knew Morgan had to still be in there, as the lights were still on, the main door was half closed, and Garfield was sitting outside in a loaf shape, his eyes glowing as he looked at Joel. 

When he got close enough to the barn, Joel stopped on his tracks. Inside, he heard Morgan’s sweet giggles, but also another man’s voice. 

“Well, it’s true!”

Joel realized that was Tom, one of the barn’s boys, the same guy that had almost caught them having sex months ago. 

Tom had arrived in Jackson around six months after he did, accompanied by his younger sisters. He was a good looking boy, with short hair, hazel eyes and strong biceps. But Joel didn’t know much else about him, other than he worked with Morgan. 

“You think?” Morgan asked. 

“Totally, Morgan”

“Well, if you guess so.”

Joel leaned on the barn wall, and listened. He knew this was wrong, but he was deciding on a good moment to burst in, as well as think of a lie to tell to Tom so he would leave them alone. 

“Listen, there’s something I wanna ask.” Tom said.

“What is it?”

Joel heard the young guy sigh. “I’m not gonna ask about the father, I know you’re tired of that topic, and I truly don’t care who it is. Whoever that dude is, must be a douchebag anyway for leaving you alone”

“Tom, I—“ Morgan tried to talk, but he interrupted her. 

“What I want to say is I can be here. By your side.”

“Huh?”

Huh? 

Joel blinked, and shook his head. That boy wasn’t…?

“You and I can raise this baby, if you need help, which you’ll do.” Tom continued, and Joel’s breath got caught in his chest. He couldn’t see Morgan or Tom’s faces. He just heard the boy as he kept talking. “If we get together, we’ll be assigned a big house for both of us, I’ll get paternity leave, and you’ll be able to stop working right now, and maybe even be a stay at home mom.”

“I— Tom, where did you get that?” Morgan stuttered with a gasp. She sounded surprised.

“These are my parents' wedding bands. I’ve kept them since they died.” 

Joel couldn’t hear this any longer. He walked away, fast, clenching his fists. 

He was an idiot. What was he expecting? That Morgan would wait around for him to make up his mind? And did he really believe he was the only one who saw how gorgeous she was? How perfect she was? Shit, Tom probably wasn’t the only guy in Jackson who had the same idea, Joel knew.

But what bothered him wasn’t the fact that Tom was proposing to Morgan. He just walked away because he was afraid of her answer. Terrified, actually. 

If Morgan was smart, which she was, then she would say yes to Tom. Marry a handsome guy her age, say the baby was his, and move on. That fixed every little problem she had: she would have a man to claim to be the father of her baby, and with that, Tommy and Maria would talk to her again, and the whole town would stop the rumors for once and for all. 

It made sense. It made a lot more sense than… what? Than being a single mom? Than never speaking to Tommy and Maria again? Than telling the truth and disappointing people even more? 

As Joel walked away from the barn, inside of it, Morgan’s breath got caught on her throat, looking down at the wedding rings in front of her. And the same thoughts Joel was thinking were also running through her head: marrying Tom solved everything. 

Except there was one problem. 

“Tom— I can’t do this.” Morgan said. 

Tom stood up from his knee, and closed his hand shut, pressing the wedding rings on his palm. “Come on Morgan, don’t be so stubborn, a baby needs a father. You already made a mistake by sinning, but it can be fixed, God is willing to—”

“Sorry?” She interrupted, raising an eyebrow. “Tom, you don’t know me, at all. I don’t care about sinning, or getting married, especially to someone I don’t love. And my baby doesn’t need a father, he has one.”

Tom huffed. “And where is he, huh? If he knocks you up and leaves you stranded he ain’t a father, Morgan.” 

She sighed loudly, and he took a step closer, too close for her liking, but she was frozen in place. He tucked a piece of Morgan's hair behind her ear. “Come on, pretty thing, haven’t you heard the things they say about you?”

“I have.” She replied, dryly.

“And don’t you want them to stop?” He continued, his hand now dropping to her chin to make her look up, his finger slowly tracing her jawline. 

“I don’t care about rumors because they’re all wrong, I know how it happened, and with who.” She said as she took another step back, but she bumped into a wall. 

“Look, I don’t—“ Tom huffed, frustrated, and leaned even closer to her, resting his hand on the barn wall, right next to her head. “Is the baby going to be black, asian, white, latino?”

“What?” Morgan really couldn’t believe his question. “The baby is going to look like me.”

“Well, then, we can say it’s mine. We just tell people we had a small breakup and—“ Tom started speaking, but she interrupted him. 

“Tom, I’m not marrying you, and I’m not going to lie.” 

“You’re making a mistake, you know? You’re not Lady, the cow. You’re not a barn animal. You’re a girl, so you need to marry a man to have a baby. Any man, really, if you can’t marry the father of your child.” He said, and it made Morgan even more angrier than she was. 

“There’s—“ she choked on her own words, and took a deep breath to calm down, her hand immediately dropping to her belly. “Tom, step back.”

Tom pressed his lips shut, looking down. He didn’t move, nor say anything, for a moment too long to make Morgan doubt if she had made a mistake. 

“Can’t you at least tell me who it is? The bastard who knocked you up” He murmured, his voice calm but not moving away from her. His eyes were locked on her belly. 

“It’s none of your fucking business.” 

He finally looked up at her, their noses almost touching. “What does he have that I don’t?”

Everything, Morgan thought immediately. 

“Tom... I just like him, there isn’t much else to that. The heart wants what the heart wants.” She said, sincerely, with a whisper. 

“Then I’m sorry your heart wants a loser who won’t stand up for you, who won’t accept his sin and marry you, like you deserve. I would’ve done it.” Tom spat his venomous words at her. “I really am sorry you’re only a slut when you could’ve been so much more.”

And with that, he finally stepped away from Morgan’s personal space, and stormed out of the barn. 

On autopilot, Morgan finished closing the barn for the day. And once she got to her home, she crumbled, tears suffocating her as she curled up on herself.

Chapter twelve here!