#hello 2020

JUST FREAKING PUT ME DOWNNNNNNNNNNN

Darauf, dass 2020 für jeden von euch das bereit hält, was ihr euch wünscht und was ihr braucht.

Don’t forget to thank your daddies for saving 2019. 

The past year has been infinitively tough, you know? The kind of tough that latches to your heart and forces you to carry it wherever you go. The kind that tugs you awake at three in the morning, refusing to let you go back to sleep. The kind that has you doubting your true dreams and whether all the work to get there is worth it considering how fast approaching climate change is and how life does not seem to hold an overall definitive purpose. This year has taught me a lot about myself and other people. I have learnt that no amount of love or tears spilled for another person can make them want to help themselves and that there is never going to be anyone more in need of the love you have to offer than you. I have learnt to stand up for myself in times of pain, frustration and injustice. I have learnt to hold my own hair back after drinking a little too much. I have learnt to wipe my makeup off before bed and to regularly give my skin the hydration it so very much desires because it deserves nothing but the best- as do both you and I. I have learnt how to enjoy food guiltlessly and to stop correlating what I eat with exercise. I have learnt the art of vulnerability and to let myself be sheltered amidst a storm. I have learnt persistence and patience which allowed me to fall back in love with creating art and reading books. I have learnt that a soul mate means so much more than romance and that this life will grant you no greater love than the form you receive from your best friend. I have danced. I have laughed. I have picked myself up and talked myself down, tucked myself in when my world has burned down. I have loved, I have lost, I am yet to be found but I am determined for next year to be nothing but profound. I am worthy. I am kind. I no longer want to die. I am excited to continue a journey of self discovery and love despite those I am leaving behind.