#hellbox smp

Ok, so this will be a lot less official than whatever that was. So currently I am wrapped up in blankets. It’s 9:42pm on Wednesday evening. I don’t know why I put this here, maybe as a reminder or something- I don’t know.

Alright, I’d like to start off by saying that I am in no way trying to make this a pity party. If it does at any point I am sorry. Also forgive any typos I have big thumbs.

So first off, I take full accountability for how messy the Hellbox discord got. In no way was it acceptable and OK for it to have gotten that bad. I did not do my job as a mod correctly nor was I fit or ready for the position. I favored a quick and easy solution over actual confrontation because I was scared. I didn’t do my job and that resulted in many people being hurt. This sounds like a youtuber’s half hearted apology but please bear with me.

My mistakes caused a lot of damage emotionally and for that I am so, so sorry. Its hard to convey over text but I truly am. I’m sorry to everyone who got hurt by my ignorance. I was unable to correctly enforce or moderate the discord which caused a lot of harm. It’s such a shitty thing to have happen and from a Minecraft server of all things.

I do take full accountability for this. I made mistakes and I recognize that. I am young, but not a kid. I should have recognized and acted and really tried to be a good mod. I was not.

To be honest I never expected it to get bad. It was originally going to be a silly server but it got lore. And more people, a lot of people. It was fine for a bit and then things just… Started to crumble. I was unprepared for this and through me not being prepared or… I forget the word- Either way it ended badly.

Again, to anyone who has left, is leaving, or is thinking about it. I’m sorry. I should have been a better mod and I should have cultivated a better experience for you. It was supposed to be my job but I ended up with an imploding server and a bitter taste in my mouth.

But I would also like to thank anyone who has spoke up about their feelings towards the situation, the mods, or anything. Either on the discord or here. I appreciate your honest no matter how brutal. It was needed and I needed to hear it.

I should end this up, it’s getting long. Well. I’m not sure how I’ll think of this tomorrow or anything. Its late after all. I just wanted to put.. I don’t know, something out there. I really am sorry it had to end like this. It sucks. But I hope things get better from here.

I definitely learned an important lesson and I won’t be modding any big server for a long time. Not even just that I’m a bad mod, but I learned that forsaking confrontation and solutions for peace is a shitty way to run a server. And that I should really be better at reading my own rules. But again, I am sorry. I hope that whatever you do next is fulfilling and enjoyable. I hope it’s good and fun and just- I hope you find something happy.

Once again I’m sorry. I hope it’ll be better. At some point. Anyways, goodnight Hellbox. I hope you have a good one.