TO BEGIN

You Will Need:

-incense, scented candles, a diffuser, or anything fragrant -a candle (optional) -healing or consecrating crystals or plants of your choice -a journal or piece of paper, as well as a pen or pencil -a highlighter, marker, or paint pen -a comfortable enough place to meditate -a method of divination, if you'd like

You Do Not Need:

-perfect peace and quiet -a clean or picturesque space -a positive mental state -access to a forest, empty field, or even the ability to go outside -good meditation skills

Some Rules:

-please read this post all of the way through before doing it yourself, as the putting your emotions to paper process might involve watching a tutorial video first

-at no point in this process are you allowed to look at or touch your phone EXCEPT in cases that may endanger your life or others. if you cannot find a time to make this work, this ritual may not be for you.

-if you need quiet for meditation, you can use headphones or earbuds, but no music. unless you have someone literally playing an instrument for you, music is not needed here

-during the meditation portion, you are either going to sit there until you feel calm and clear-headed, or until you physically cannot anymore (and if you can't sit, you adapt this to whatever your body is capable of). as my therapist always says, "you can do hard things." sit in your discomfort, even if you have ADHD, even if you're anxious, even if you cry.

-i think that it's important for you to be left alone with your feelings, and if you can't make that work due to your living circumstance, you may not want to go forward, but do whatever you think will work for you.

NEXT STEPS

The first part of this ritual is the preparation, which should hopefully not take too long. All you need to do is collect the materials above, as well as making your meditation space comfortable, maybe watching any of the tutorial videos that I listed, and maybe writing down these steps so you don't need to check your phone.

The next part will be putting away your phone, which I know is harder for some of us than others. And I don't mean that in a judgmental way, I fully acknowledge how difficult life has made it to be separated from our phones, but it's important for this process. Take as long as you need to make sure you won't be distracted by its absence, turn off notifications, put it in a safe place, and forget about it.

The final part of this "prep" period will be lighting some incense, a scented candle, or turning on a diffuser--just to make your space more welcoming to be in. No, you don't need to pick up whatever mess is on the floor. No, the lights don't need to be dimmed, the curtains drawn, or the workspace aesthetically arranged. This is a spell meant to adapt to whatever is currently in front of you, not what should or should not be. Trying to make things perfect means you will never even begin, as you and everyone else knows that nothing is ever perfect.

The purpose of creating a more comforting atmosphere in this way is to use all of the senses to your advantage. Later, we'll also be using sight, touch/feel, and (if you'd like) sound. I enjoy doing this to make myself more grounded in reality, since I regularly deal with depersonalization.

THE RELEASE

Begin by lighting a candle, I prefer seven-day candles or tall pillar candles, since this might take a while. If the candle goes out or burns all the way down, don't freak out, just relight it or get a new one and keep going. It doesn't matter what color the candle is either, and it doesn't need to be dressed, or completely intact. I don't care if it's a Jesus candle from the dollar store or a dusty old white one from the back of Meemaw's closet, whatever you got will work.

The purpose of lighting the candle is just as a symbolic beginning to the ritual, as blowing it out will be the symbolic ending. If you can't use candles in your space, you can achieve the same effect as saying something like, "I invoke the ritual of healing," and "I release the ritual of healing."

If you're going to meditate laying down, or just tend to fall asleep while meditating, maybe avoid lighting a candle. Don't burn your house down just because someone on the internet told you to do something.

Next will be a more complicated part, depending on the person. I personally enjoy writing out my emotions, just because I'm not as much of a visual person, and I already have an internal dialogue of thought. However, many people do not function in this way, and may want to employ automatic drawing or something similar. You could also combine the two, and draw over your writing or write next to your drawings. Whatever you choose, remember that we're not focusing on how things read, our grammar, or the way the drawings look.

Some YouTube guides:

journaling your feelings

drawing your feelings (more abstract)

drawing your feelings (an actual guide)

automatic drawing

The purpose of this exercise is to put get all of that mess in your head out and onto paper. The paper doesn't know what you feel, what you've been through, or what you've been struggling to maintain. Tell or show the paper what you feel, even if it feels redundant or "silly". Use paint or markers or pens or pencils or whatever the fuck you want. Put post-its over top, rip it apart and put it back together again, crumple it and throw it against the wall for all I care. Go until you feel it's done, or until you've crammed as much information into it as you can. It can be one paper or two or an entire journal, but for the sake of these instructions I'll pretend you've just used one.

For the final part of the "release" section of this ritual, you'll be drawing a sigil that I've designed over top of your journal page(s). You can use whatever sigil you'd like, honestly, but I thought I'd design one anyways.

The imagery of this sigil is based on the concept of eyes as the windows to the soul and the three of swords tarot card. The spiral represents confusion or distortion of reality, and the grid represents the cage you might feel you're trapped in.

To make sure the sigil is still visible over top of whatever you used for this exercise, I recommend paint markers (if you have them). If those aren't accessible, then a soft graphite pencil or highlighter also works good!

Afterwards, grab your piece of paper and take it with you to your meditation space. Keep it in front of you as a beacon, or guiding light, for your thoughts.

MEDITATING

Look, I am not an expert, certified instructor, or even particularly knowledgeable about the religious or spiritual background of meditation. I learned meditation from multiple sources including my Buddhist martial arts instructor, various therapists, and practicing on my own. I have been actively meditating for over fifteen years now, varying from occasionally or daily.

At the end of the day, I can't teach you how to meditate. I have resources I can give you (check out Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche on YouTube!), and I have some tips and tricks to share, but I can't teach you how to start from absolute zero.

That being said, here are my tips:

-A lot of practitioners pay particular attention to sitting in a certain posture: cross-legged, spine straight, eyes closed. I have difficulty with this due to my injuries, and so I don't often follow these guidelines. Why? Well, it's my interpretation that these exercises just function to help center your mind and with grounding. I've found that I can still recreate that effect by doing the 5-4-3-2-1 technique (or some variation), and focusing on the rhythm of my breathing.

-You don't need to focus on "clearing your mind," or making your thoughts a complete void. This, for most people, does not work. As someone with ADHD, I constantly have intrusive or racing thoughts, and very rarely experience true blankness.

-Falling asleep is perfectly fine. In fact, sleeping is often vital to healing emotionally and physically, and many people do great spiritual work while asleep.

-Losing track of your thoughts doesn't make your meditation a failure. There is no failing here. There is only stopping, correcting, and moving on.

-Don't get discouraged just because you're struggling to keep still, keep your eyes closed, or whatever. Adjust as much as you need to, hell, keep your eyes open if it's productive for you.

Some questions to consider while you're meditating:

-"What are the emotions I'm struggling with recently?"

-"Why am I feeling this way?"

-"How am I expressing these emotions? Are they hurting me or others?"

-"How is my body storing this stress?" Feel your body, take inventory.

-"How can I move forward in a way that both honors these emotions and doesn't let them control me?"

During this time, I do my best to always be directing my thoughts towards these more productive exercises. What is "unproductive" will vary from person to person, but I commonly find myself trying to strategize for the future or fixating on what could have been, which is only an exercise in futility.

You will be the one deciding when your meditation is complete, but I usually pull myself out of it when I have run out of things to ponder, have finished crying (hey, it happens), or have reached a better state of peace and stability. Do whatever works for you.

RECHARGING

Now that you've emptied your brain out a little, we want to fill that space with something that suits you better. This can be many things! Self-affirmations, prayer, a nap, whatever you'd like. For the sake of this ritual, though, I have provided what I did myself.

Grab a healing or consecrating (meaning blessing, basically), plant or crystal. I like amethyst for this, since we're tackling our emotions.

If you grabbed a crystal, go ahead and press them to your eyes or forehead, and concentrate on leeching the powers of that stone into your body. You're not trying to be a vampire here, draining it of it's power entirely, it's more like copying someone else's code. Let the crystal rewrite your thought processes, let it show you how to let love and peace in.

If you grabbed an herb of some kind, go ahead and light it on fire somewhere on the workspace in front of you. Breathe in the fumes (don't stick your nose in it, freak) and go through the same processes as with the crystal. Let it show you what you need to heal.

TO WRAP UP

Now, you could stop here, blow out the candle or say your goodbyes, and go reward yourself for all your hard work--but I like to add one more step.

Sometimes, it's hard to see myself from an outside, objective point of view. I get so swept up in self-hatred, sadness, and anxious thoughts that I forget what the truth is. If you're anything like me, you might want to break out your favorite divination method and ask some of the same questions you pondered during the meditation.

Things like "What do I need to heal?", "Describe the emotions I've been struggling with, from your perspective," "What do I need to leave behind, and what should I bring into the future?", "How do I maintain positivity despite my life circumstances?" You could ask more questions than this, or less, depending on what you need in the moment.

After that, you're good to blow out your candle or say your goodbye. Have something nice and sweet (if you want), watch your favorite show or movie or go outside, and curl up with your pets (if you have them). Stay off your phone for as long as possible, and only do so once you feel you can shield yourself from all the negativity that can bring. This ritual is often stressful, draining, or vulnerable, and it can be hard to bounce back immediately. Don't punish yourself for taking the time you need.

Chapter 19

Chapter 22

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 34