#hayden's posts

this wasn’t an easy decision, but i’m finally leaving this blog behind.

i’m not going to delete it for the sake of sentimentality, but stuff happened and i decided it’s time to start over again.

here’s my new main blog, where i’ll post about film and my serious posts about tony (i.e. gif sets and things).

here’s my new personal blog, where you’ll get my #TonyBlogging posts, but also all my incessant whining about being trans and mentally ill and things.

i can’t buy anything i want bc it’s sinful i can’t participate in things i want to bc it’s evil i’ve had to ask teachers not to bring up certain essays and things i’ve written during parent teacher conferences bc my parents would do bad things to me if they knew i wrote about stuff like that i have everything hidden i get presents from people and i hide them and they’re harmless things like bow ties bc i don’t want my parents hurting me for wearing boy’s things i’ve had to hide tony stuff for a very long time bc he’s gay and my parents would hate me and hate him if they knew that

i’m tired of lying i’m so tired of lying i don’t ever lie out of maliciousness i only lie to protect myself and everything i tell my parents is a lie i can’t admit i’ve watched some of the movies i’ve seen and that i listen to some of the music i listen to i can’t tell them i’m not christian and i’m not republican because they’ve already reacted horribly for me even hinting i might be leftist

i’m so fucking sick of this i hate them i just fucking hate my parents they always tell me they love me but as soon as i do something that is against this image they have they will not hesitate to touch me in places i’ve told them for years not to touch me in and they’ll just fucking threaten to destroy the things i love and i can’t stand it anymore i want to leave i want to just fucking leave i hate it here i wish they’d just hit me so i could get taken away by child protective services or something i can’t be removed from my house until they hit or physically/medically neglect me