#harnas

He knows that, but this is who he is. Harrison Liam Jones was the Class A worrier and if having silent panic attacks about everything was an Olympic event, he would win the gold without contest. 

He would be the Michael Phelps of anxiety.

No wonder she isn’t going to marry him. He’s a basket case and she’s a princess. She has a whole kingdom and all he has going for him is a pickup truck, a two-bedroom apartment with Neal that he never uses and a job as a deputy, which he gained out of pure nepotism. She might be nearly two feet shorter than him but Nas is larger than life and she deserves everything.

She deserves way more than him.

“Stop.”

The voice tears him away from his thoughts. Nas is curled on the couch with the book in her lap, staring at him with an expression caught between exasperated and fond. She shuts her book pointedly.

“Stop whatever torture wheel you’re running in your mind right now because one, whatever it is, it’s going to be fine because you’re amazing at figuring things out and two, if you keep pacing like that, you’re going to burn a hole in that carpet and your mother is going to kill you.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry to me, but sorry to yourself. You’re so kind to everyone but yourself, Harrison, and I only wished you loved yourself a fraction of how much I love you.” 

“I can’t stop thinking.”

“I know,” she says, giving him a gentle smile. “You wouldn’t be you if you did. Now, come here.”

She sets her book aside, and pats her lap. Unable to refuse her, he complies with her silent request and climbs onto the couch that he’s much too large for. His legs dangle off the arm almost comically as he lays his head across her thighs. As soon as he’s settled, she runs her hands through his hair in such a relaxing manner that he can’t help but close his eyes and enjoy it.

“You would be a masseuse’s nightmare, you’re so tense,” she murmurs. “You need to relax, or you’re going to send yourself to an early grave. Such a beautiful man should not have such ugliness in his mind.”

“Everyone has their demons.”

“They do. You just listen yours more than you should.”

“One of my many flaws.”

She sucks in a sharp breath at his words.

“Yes, one of your flaws. And yes, you have a few. You’re neurotic, stubborn, judgmental, self-deprecating and sometimes overwhelmingly negative, but everyone has their flaws and you wouldn’t be you without them. For all of your anxiety and self-righteousness, you’re also incredibly generous, intelligent, attentive, brave and have the biggest and most gentle heart I know. And as much as things bother you, they always turn out fine in the end…so whatever is bothering you now, just know you’ll fix it and it will be fine eventually…or better yet, talk to me about it and we will fix it together.”

“I…I can’t…I can’t do this right now…I’m not ready.”

Nas is quiet for a long moment. Silence falls between them like a shroud and each second more uncomfortable than the last. The only noise in the room is the ticking of the grandfather clock on the mantle and with each tick, Harrison’s blood pressure rises.

“Does it help if my answer is yes?”

He jolts, raising his head off her lap and staring at her in shock. She gives him a gentle smile, taking one his hands between her two smaller ones. Hers are so small and delicate compared to his large and thickly calloused ones, but that doesn’t stop her from being the strongest out of the two of them.

“You know?”

“I know.”

“How?”

“Don’t get mad,” she admonishes him gently. “But Wes told me. He said that you’ve been harassing the dwarves for weeks about making the perfect ring and that if I didn’t take drastic measures, you were going to give yourself ulcers over this…”

It’s amazing how quickly things can change. One second he’s anxious as anything and the next thing he knows, boiling hot rage is flowing through his veins like molten lava. Typical Wes to go spilling his secrets to the one person he shouldn’t and ruining his plans.

“I’m going to kill him.”

“Don’t. For once, in his own way, he was being sweet and looking out for you. He’s your brother and he loves you but more than that, he knows you and he knows that even know there’s no way in the world I’m going to say no, you’re going tie yourself in knots about it…I love you and I’m not going to let you convince yourself otherwise…”

“He still shouldn’t have told you.”

“Maybe, but I’m glad because he’s right.”

He pulls his hand away from hers and rubs at his face.

“This is a disaster.”

“Not even remotely. Everything is fine.”

“You know…”

“I do.”

“Umm…and you’re going to say yes?”

“I’m actually insulted that you would think otherwise.”

Harrison takes a moment to collect himself and minimize the amount of embarrassment he feels.

“Do you want to see the ring?”

She shakes her head at him, still smiling.

“No, I don’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want to see it until you ask.”

“What if I ask now?”

“I would rather that you didn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re not ready,” she says, cupping his cheek and placing an all too brief kiss on his lips. “You just spent the last twenty minutes pacing the room because you had managed to talk yourself into thinking I would say no. I don’t want you to propose to me right now…I want…I want it to be perfect…and when I say perfect, I don’t mean fanfare and gaudiness and cliches…when I say perfect, I mean, I want it to be a moment where you’re free of anxiety and you’re free of double and you’re so in love with me that you can’t stand the idea of that ring being in your pocket any longer and you have to ask…Is that okay?”

He lets out a shaky laugh. “Yeah…that’s okay…It might take me awhile but yeah, that works.”

“Good.” She kisses him again, longer and firmer. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he replies despite the fact he can’t stop himself from chuckling. “And you’re going to say yes.”