#hardestthing

“Im sorry if this wakes u up and I dont expect a response rite away or anything. Talking to you helps, if its hurting you more tell me plz. I know my drinking destroyed us and knowing that hurts more than any pain ive felt in my life. I just wish it would stop so bad. I had such big dreams for us when we first met. This incredible, smart, and sexy young woman liked me and I was in shock. All I wanted to do for her was give her everything she deserved and wanted. On top of that she didn't care about any of my physical flaws I was embarrassed about. She was perfect and I fell in love, a love I dont think ill ever feel again. I failed at all of it though because of alcohol. The person I loved more than life I drove away. I had imagined us one day having a good place to call our own, nothing crazy, and getting married. All I could think about was marrying her because who else so incredible would ever come around again and my love was so deep for her. Eventually maybe having kids too. They'd of been beautiful and so smart. Seemed like no matter how hard I tried though I always found a way or excuse to drink and hurt her. I told her I was sorry over and over and I meant it but still kept drinking, eventually sorry lost its meaning. I cant blame her for that. My love for her never faded though even when fought and Id be so mad I wanted to scream but my drinking wore hers down. This perfect person who loved me was losing love and hope in us. All my love and all my dreams i wanted so bad were gone through when shed had enough. For the rest of my life ill regret what I did and what I lost. Im not sure if she'll every truly know how sorry I am and how much I suffer knowing I hurt her physically and mentally. Truth is I didn't deserve someone so incredible. I can only hope and pray she can forgive me someday and know that my love will always be there, even if she isn’t. I’m sorry J. I only ever wanted the best for us and I failed you.”