#happy19th

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On a serious note.. This birthday might be one to remember.. not because it was good because I’m fighting for my future. Not having a home to call my own. And everything else I’m struggling with.

You guys and my art has been the only thing keeping me going and not giving up completely. I mean I’ve been close many times in a spans of a month but I didn’t because I was scared. I haven’t been the best to myself nor the people around me and I apologise deeply for the way I’ve acted for the past month or more.

Without you or my friends/found family I wouldn’t be here. So thank you for being here with me even if we’ve never spoken. Or we spoke and we just haven’t picked a conversation up again- I still appreciate you all in many ways I can’t explain, I’m sorry this message might be a bit sad but it’s what life feels like at the moment.

I’d never wish anyone to be homeless. Let alone their birthday-

I guess it's that time of the year when I grow up a year older.

A letter to the girl who only has a few more hours before officially turning nineteen,

잘 했어 jal haess-eo [you did great]

I am proud of where you are now, honestly. Looking back, it wasn't all rainbows and confetti, there were traumas and falling in the deep of huge waves and thunders. But most of all, I am proud of how you overcame it all. Of how you stood there in fear then stepping forward for braveness. How you entered that zoom meeting and spilled the truth, how you entered the room of virus and made it out safely with your Momma. How you took care and became the Ate you are. How you carried yourself in a prestigious school and started with your chin up. How you didn't give up despite it all.

Congratulations, Ila. You made it this far and you know that you didn't come this far to only come this far.

Keep the fire burning, keep your head up high. All will be alright in time, days will fly so fast you wouldn't notice it came by.

I'll just be right here, self. Watching you stare at the mountains and oceans you've conquered because you did not give up. One day, you'll be seeing what happens because you didn't give up and I'll watch it with you, self.

Happy nineteenth self, jal haess-eo.