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Listen to the Album Here: Apple Music | Spotify

Track Listing:

I Looked Away

Bell Bottom Blues

Keep on Growing

Nobody Knows When You're Down and Out

I Am Yours

Anyday

Key to the Highway

Tell the Truth

Why Does Love Got to Be So Sad?

Have You Ever Loved a Woman?

Little Wing

It's Too Late

Layla

Thorn Tree In the Garden

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“Here, you want to try this?” Josh asked, nudging your arm in hopes of breaking you from your solemn state. You blinked a few times, feeling his elbow on your skin, but his words were far away. They seemed like an echo in an empty room, like you had walked into the place only after he stopped speaking. Breathing seemed like a treacherous task, your bones aching every time your lungs inflated. You stared blankly at his hand, holding a fork in his grasp as he kindly offered you a taste of whatever he was eating. “Jake made it, it’s good.”

Jake made it.

You were sure whatever he made would be good, but the thought of food was worse than sickening to you. You wanted to be kind, to try the meal your friend (even if by extension) had made, especially after he offered you the hospitality for an afternoon hangout his home, but you couldn’t seem to accept the gracious offer. The crowd in the living room was overwhelming, despite only a few bodies being present. The chatter was loud and pulsing against your already busy brain, and Josh’s leg resting against yours was nice, but much more than you could handle in the moment.

Josh knew there was something wrong, but unlike usual, he could not seem to pry it from you. Over the last three nights you had spent crashing in his spare room, he used every ounce of energy to comfort you despite being unaware of what exactly your troubles were. You knew you could reach out to him anytime, talk to him about anything, but right now, it seemed impossible to speak the words aloud.

You had been friends with the boy for what seemed like a lifetime, surviving off his constant company and thriving off his eccentric personality. He stuck by your side through college graduations, career changes, and every challenge life seemed to throw your way. You were a busy woman, and he a busy man, and neither of you had much time for social lives outside of your demanding work schedules. Even so, that fact made your friendship all the stronger, because despite your lack of free time, you always made time for each other.

So when you showed up at his doorstep, 3am and crying while spewing absolute nonsense, he guided you to his spare bedroom and told you that it was yours for as long as you needed. The next morning, he came to check on you only to find you hadn’t slept at all. Hours spent sitting beside you attempting to cheer you up only resulted in further confusion and frustration. Despite his busy life, he cleared his schedule and made it a priority to be with you until you felt better. That afternoon, you managed some small talk, but avoided the elephant in the room. The next day, things felt a little more normal between the two of you. A few jokes were shared, and you even had a movie night in the living room with him and his partner. By then, Josh had vowed to let you speak on your own terms, but was doing everything he could to brighten your mood.

Today, when you woke from a broken and nightmare filled sleep, Josh knocked at your door to ask if you would like to get out of the house. After some internal debate, you decided it might be good for you, it might help you forget the only thing you could seem to think about, even if it was temporary. You showered (with Josh talking through the door and stressing the importance of self-care, of course), changed into some clothes you stuffed into a duffel bag during your quick escape, and the three of you hit the road.

After a short drive, you landed at the door of his twin brother’s house, where you would spend your afternoon. Jake, who you had heard loads of things about, was still a mystery to you. Between conflicting schedules and trying (and failing, sometimes) to find time to hang out with Josh, you never got much of an opportunity to get to know Jake, or even Sam for that matter. You knew he was quieter, a little more reserved than Josh, but was funny and had a heart of gold. You chalked up his praise to being his brother, but you never knew Josh to be a liar about anything. You trusted all he had to say about his brothers, and despite your sadness, you were excited to finally meet them properly, rather than just in passing.

You said a brief hello to Jake at times, mostly when you were leaving Josh’s house and he was heading in. You remembered him to be on the shorter side, but with a breathtaking smile and long, brown hair. When you stepped foot into the house and finally had time to appreciate the man standing in front of you, you understood Jake was a lot more than a pretty smile and long hair. He was stunning, and despite your broken heart, you couldn’t help but stare.

Not long after your brief introduction, the rest of the crowd begin to filter in. Sam and his girlfriend both seemed lovely, and Daniel and the friend he brought with him were just as nice. Jake had made lunch, and whatever it was smelled heavenly even if the thought of food sickened you. After a few hours of laughing and talking, the boys went back for seconds, clearing out the last of the food in the kitchen. The day was dwindling into evening, and you still hadn’t managed to break from your solemn state. You sat, listening to all of the conversations and laughing along to jokes, but didn’t find yourself with enough energy to contribute much.

Josh, clearly picking up on your lack of involvement, was doing all he could to help. Offering food was just another failed attempt of many.

“I’m okay, Josh. Thank you though.” You forced a smile, feeling guilty for your constant rejection. You wanted to tell him so badly, but every time you worked up enough courage to explain it, your words failed you and you thought you might be sick. His sad eyes seemed to be staring into your soul, and it was becoming too much to bear. “I’m, uh, is it okay if I grab something to drink?” You cleared your throat, asking for permission in hopes of changing the subject.

“F’course it is, mama.” He assured you. “You want me to come with you?”

“No, it’s okay.” You assured him, sliding forward and rising to your feet.

“Grab anything in the fridge. I know Jake won’t care.” He said, making sure you didn’t feel bad about taking anything.

“Okay.” You smiled, small but genuine. You didn’t feel deserving of Josh’s kindness, but you were still grateful he cared for you so much. If not for him, you would have nobody to lean on.

Quietly, you walked out of the living room and in the direction of the kitchen Jake had lead you to earlier in the day. When you were alone, you let out a long sigh. The kitchen was decorated nicely, simple but tasteful, and the sweet smell of whatever Jake had cooked was still lingering in the air. Instead of walking to the refrigerator, you took a seat at one of the kitchen chairs pulled out from the table, deciding a minute alone was more important than a glass of water.

You closed your eyes, letting your head fall back on your shoulders. The chatter floating in from the next room was much less overwhelming, and you finally felt like you could breathe without the constant ache in your chest. Just when you felt like you were getting your bearings back, you heard soft footsteps puttering through the hallway. You swallowed the lump in your throat, the same one that was constantly bothering you since you showed up at Josh’s house, and prepared for another round of questions from your best friend. You didn’t turn to face him, figuring he would make himself known in due time.

“Hey, Y/N, right?” The voice was not as familiar to you, and definitely not the voice you thought it would be. You looked over your shoulder, curious as to who was talking. Your eyes landed on Jake, a sheepish smile on his face as he stood by the door.

“Hey, yeah.” You nodded, trying to make yourself friendlier than you felt. It was not Jake making you miserable, or anyone for that matter. You wanted to be having fun, to be getting to know the people most important to your best friend, but the weight on your shoulders made it so hard to enjoy the moment.

“I saw you sneak out, thought I’d come and check in on you.” He explained, careful with his words. “Mind if I sit?” You gave a chuckle, and genuine smile as you listened to his words.

“It’s your kitchen, Jake, f’course you can sit.”

“Right,” he nodded, stepping towards you. “Guess I was wondering if you were up for company, or if you just needed a minute alone. I know it can be a lot to handle when we’re all together.”

“No! You guys are great, guess I’m just not in it today.” You said, knowing he hit the nail straight on the head but you were too nice to admit it. “Come sit, please.” He did as you said, pulling out the chair at the head of the table. He was in perfect view and facing you, giving you ample opportunity to soak in his features as he thought about how to continue the conversation.

“That’s okay, sweetheart. Josh mentioned you were going through a tough time when I called him this morning. We were kinda hoping it would take your mind off whatever’s going on.” You wanted to recoil at the idea of Josh sharing your sorrows with a man you did not know, but the intent was sweet, and you knew Josh would never do anything to harm you. He was just a concerned friend looking for a way to cheer you up. Jake, despite being a near stranger, had enough kindness in his heart to want to help too.

And sweetheart.

You didn’t know the man, nor much about him, but you definitely wouldn’t mind if he called you that again.

“Thank you,” your lips twitched into another smile as you looked down at your hands on the table. “He’s pretty great, isn’t he?”

“Josh?” Jake asked for clarification that he heard right, raising his eyebrow at you. You gave a small nod, almost wanting to laugh at his incredulous tone. “Yeah, I mean I guess. I kind of have to agree, cause he’s my brother and all.” At that, a genuine laugh filled the air, the first one that left your lips in days. Jake was hung on your laugh the minute it left your lips, finding the sound addicting despite just having heard it for the first time. The smile on his face made it apparent he only came to cheer you up, and he was happy he could do it even for a moment. “No, he is pretty great, even if I do hate him by times.”

“It’s a sibling thing, I think.” You said, looking back up at his face. “Love them, even when you hate them.”

“Exactly.” He nodded, agreeing with you. “He’s my best friend, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to kill him sometimes. Has a great heart, but he can be a bit… annoying.”

“Josh? No.” You scoffed, playing into the bit as clear sarcasm dripped from your tone. At that, Jake let out a laugh of his own. You watched, in amazement at how beautiful such a simple sound could be. “Seriously though, I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“Yeah, you guys have been friends for a long time, haven’t you?” He asked, leaning forward and into the conversation. It was your turn to nod, finding years of memories flash before your eyes when you thought of it for too long.

“Yeah, I met him as I was finishing up my graduate program in university. He’d just moved here, and I guess he was looking for some friends. Right place right time, I suppose.”

“Funny how things like that work out.” He said, listening intently to every word.

“For sure.” You hummed, pursing your lips slightly at the memory of how you met. “Ran into him at a bar, drunk off tequila and singing a terrible rendition of… oh, fuck, what was it?” You racked your brain, trying so hard to find the name of the song in the mess of your mind. “It was Neil Young, I remember that much.” You sighed, shaking your head at your spotty memory.

“Don’t Let It Bring You Down.” He finished for you, a sparkle shining in his eye as he saw your expression light up.

“Yes! How did you know?” You asked, shocked he knew before you did.

“I was there that night, and I definitely made fun of him just as much as you did.” He explained, chuckling at the thought.

“You were there?” You asked, even more surprised at that fact.

“Yeah, think I was playing pool with Sam. Josh sucks at pool, so he was trying to find a thrill elsewhere. He told us he met someone, he really liked their ‘energy’. Guess he was talking about you.” He continued, nodding at himself as he recollected the night from so long ago. “That, and he sings that damn song every time he drinks tequila.”

“Huh,” you huffed, wondering how you managed to miss him that night. “I guess I was out the door pretty fast. I don’t even think I talked to Josh for very long. Got his number and we were off to the next bar. We loved to party back then.”

“Shame, cause he’s been keeping you an awful secret for the last few years.” Jake let out a disapproving tsk at the end of his statement.

“No, it’s not him.” You promised, shutting down the notion. “Life’s crazy. I’m either always stuck at work, or at home—“ you cut yourself off, hearing the sound of the word fall from your lips. It was wrong, and so much so that it twisted your stomach with nausea. “Stuck at work.” You doubled back, feeling a frown start to form again. The word home felt like a sour taste in your mouth that you couldn’t swallow back.

Jake watched you for a moment, curious about your sudden change of heart, but understanding it might not be the best time to venture into it.

“Did you want a drink, sweetheart?” Jake asked, his eyes flickering to the fridge. “Maybe something to take your mind off it?” You debated, wondering if it would better or worsen your mental state. Before you could decline, he spoke again. “I was gonna have one anyway, so it’s no trouble at all. Be nice to have someone to drink with, anyway.”

“Fuck it, why not?” You breathed, watching as another breathtaking smile blossomed on his lips. “I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt.”

“Great.” He stood, taking two steps past you as he approached a cabinet by the refrigerator. “Want to come have a look?” He offered, looking back over his shoulder at you. You shrugged, nodding as you stood to join him. He opened the doors, revealing a plethora of bottles that all looked a little more expensive than you were used to. “Whatever you want.”

You noticed how close he was standing, how sweet his cologne smelled as it wafted in your direction. It was musky, ambery even, with sandalwood standing strong against the undertones. He had his finger resting against his chin as his eyes scanned the labels, clearly unsure of what he wanted, too. You couldn’t help but study the intricacies of his face, the bridge of his nose and how it casted a shadow over his soft cheeks, the unintentional pout of his bottom lip, and the enchanting colour of his irises. He was stunning, and it was hard not to notice it.

‘Stop it, Y/N. You’re in no position to think anyone is attractive, let alone your best friends brother.’ Your thoughts were right, full of warnings you knew you should listen to, yet there was something so enchanting about Jake that made it difficult to listen. ‘Thinking he’s attractive is only bad if I plan to act on it, which I’m definitely not. It’s okay to admire him, as long as that’s all it is.’ You felt the devil weigh in on the matter, and for some reason, that train of thought was much easier to go along with.

So you did. Simple as that, you decided to allow yourself the pleasure. It was almost as simple as acknowledging how beautiful Jake was.

“Anything catching your eye?” He asked, looking over at you. You knew he was aware of your staring, and when your eyes caught his, your cheeks tinged red. He gave you a smile, silently telling you all was well.

“There’s so much to choose from.” You said, forcing yourself to look back at the liquor cabinet.

“Do you like it straight, or do you prefer something sweet?” He asked, raising an eyebrow at you once again. Although the question was innocent and clearly pertaining to the topic at hand, you couldn’t help but feel your heart speed. Your body was encased in goosebumps at the simple thought of him meaning it in any other way.

“Usually sweet, but I think today I could handle it straight.” You replied, having to tear your eyes away from him again. Had you looked for a moment longer, you might have noticed the ghost of a smirk on his face.

“This is my favourite.” He said, reaching out and grabbing an expensive looking bottle. He brought it down to your level, leaning into you slightly as he let you read the label for yourself. As his arm brushed against yours, you felt the same pull of your heart as you did when he first sat across from you.

“I’ll try it out.” You mumbled, a little breathless as he looked over your face.

“Good taste,” he hummed. “You’ll like it, I promise.” He assured you, his tongue darting out over his bottom lip ever so slightly.

“I trust you.” You said, feeling like you were coercing your tongue to speak the words.

“You should.” He responded, waiting for you to step away first. It felt like an eternity before you stepped backwards towards the table, but when you did, you missed the closeness of him almost immediately. The warmth of his body against yours was memorable, and definitely something you wanted to feel again.

You returned to your seat at the table, followed closely behind by Jake. Before he sat, he grabbed two glasses and the ice tray from the freezer. Carefully, he poured yours first before adding a few ice cubes to the cup. Then, he nudged it in your direction before fixing his own drink.

“What’s on your mind, beautiful?” He asked, swirling his ice around his cup before bringing it to his lips. As he sipped at the amber liquid, his eyes never left your face.

“Oh, nothing important.” You shook your head, averting your gaze to the glass in your hand. You did the same, raising the crystal to your lips and drinking down the alcohol like it was water.

“You’re drinking that awfully fast for someone who’s got ‘nothing important’ going on.” He noted, cocking his head to the side for a moment, as if he was trying to figure you out. “I’ve got an ear to lend, if you want to talk.” He offered, but opted not to press any further. He didn’t want to force you if you weren’t willing, but he did want you to know that the floor was yours if you needed.

“I wouldn’t want to bore you.” You chuckled, watching the condensation of the glass drip onto your fingers. The chill of the liquid distracted you from the severity of the topic. “You’ve been kind enough already, Jake. Seriously, I can’t thank you enough for inviting me.”

“No thanks needed, y/n. Seriously, Josh talks about you enough that I feel like I already know you, and trust me when I say, I like you just as much as he does.” He promised, taking another small sip of his drink. “And I offered, sweetheart. I want to listen, even if you don’t think I do.”

“What is with you two?” You chuckled, shaking your head at his staggering kindness. “Too nice for your own good, both of you.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” He grinned, finding your exasperation amusing.

“No, it’s not.” You shook your head, feeling your heart warm with gratitude for the two brothers. You barely knew Jake, but you agreed with what he said. Josh spoke about him enough that you felt like you were friends already, and by all of the nice things Josh had to say, you definitely liked him. Since stepping foot into the kitchen, you had come to greatly appreciate him for other reasons, too.

“That’s the heartbreak chair.” He explained, running a hand through his hair as he pushed it away from his face. “Something about it draws people in.” Your eyes flickered up to his face, shocked that he made such an assumption, and even more surprised that it was right. He barely knew you, but he could tell without you having to say a word.

“It’s that obvious?” You asked. He shook his head, rubbing his chin in his hand for a moment before he spoke again.

“No,” he cleared his throat, taking in a long breath before he continued. “Like I said, there’s something about that fuckin’ chair.”

“How so?”

“Two years ago, Sam sat there when his girlfriend broke up with him. Must’ve spent the whole night sitting there, drinking away the pain.” He said, thinking back on the event. “And Daniel, a few months back when him and his girlfriend went separate ways. Even Josh, a long time ago when we first moved here.” He explained. “Whatever it is, when people get their heart broken, they sit there. I usually sit here, but it’s not always me they’re talking to. Sometimes it’s Josh, or another friend, or anyone really.” You thought about his words, carefully considering your next question before asking it.

“Have you sat here?” Your eyes were showing the sadness you tried so hard to hide. You didn’t know why, but you were comfortable with Jake. You wanted to talk, to tell him all about the sadness plaguing you. Something about him made you believe that your sorrows were safe with him, and that he was the key to feeling better.

It was an invasive question, something personal and maybe too complicated for him to answer. You regretted asking, but hearing about his brother's sorrows didn’t sit right with you. If you were giving him a piece of you, you wanted a piece of him. He swallowed hard, his eyes flickering between your face and the whiskey in his cup. Eventually, he gave a slow nod.

“More than anyone else, I think.” His honesty was sobering, and it was admirable. Because of his willingness to share his sadness with you, you felt even better about opening up to him. “I’ve never been lucky in love. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” He shrugged, the joke rolling off his tongue effortlessly despite the hidden pain in his eyes. “About six months ago, I was doing the same as you. Came home, she was gone without a trace. I stayed a few nights at Josh’s house, just ‘till I was strong enough to come back here, and I drank it all away. I’ve sat in that chair, sweetheart. You’re not the only broken heart this house has seen. Trust me.”

“It’s hard to open up to Josh about it.” You said, forcing your hand to hold the glass to the table. The burn of the alcohol in your chest was much preferred to the ache in your heart, but you persevered. “‘Specially when I watch how happy and in love he is. He’s got everything, you know? Nice house, kind heart, beautiful face, and a wonderful boyfriend. It’s intimidating talking about my mess of a life to someone who always seems to have their shit together.”

“I can see what you mean.” He nodded along, agreeing to an extent. “You know, he’d never think differently of you. He loves you a whole hell of a lot.”

“I know that, but I think when you’re this miserable, it’s hard to believe anyone cares that much.”

“For sure.” He said, swallowing down another mouthful of whiskey.

Just as he placed his cup down on the table, the distant chatter in the living room began to move closer. Both of you turned to the entryway to the kitchen, wondering what the disturbance was. Soon enough, the crowd filled the doorway, but only Sam and Josh were visible.

“Think we’re gonna head to the bar, you two in?” Sam asked, oblivious to the situation in front of him.

“I’m good.” Jake said, his tone firm and certain of his answer. Josh looked at you, curiosity in his eyes as he waited for a response.

“Y/N?” Josh asked, wondering if you were joining them. You looked between the twins, your eyes lingering a bit too long over Jake. When you looked back at Josh, you shook your head slightly.

“Think I might hang out here a bit longer, if that’s okay?”

“F’course it is.” Jake chimed in. “You go, I’ll get her back to your place safe and sound.” Josh looked to you once more, making sure you were alright. You gave him a smile, nodding your head in agreement with Jake.

“Okay, I’ll see you later. Love you, mama.”

“Love you too, Josh.” You smiled again, wider and with more warmth than ever.

With that, the group moved towards the door, and they were out in the yard within seconds. The silence hung heavy between you and Jake, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. So far, despite you being a stranger, your talk with Jake had been nothing but comfortable.

“So, does that mean you don’t think I have my life together?” Jake continued where you left off, clearly teasing. The smile on his face gave him away as he pulled his chair a little closer to you.

“‘Spose I don’t know you well enough to know, yet. From what I see, looks like you do, if that counts?” He let out a laugh, finding your humor despite the pain beautiful.

“You hungry?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. “Noticed you didn’t eat earlier.”

“Think I missed the draw on that one.” You said, looking at the empty dish on the stove. He stood, wordless as he walked to the refrigerator. He searched for a few seconds before pulling out a plate, flashing it in your direction.

“Put some away for you, just in case. I knew they would eat it all, so I just wanted to make sure there was some left.” He explained. The sound of his words made your heart ache, but it wasn’t in a bad way; the simple action, especially coming from someone who barely knew you, made the whole world seem a little bit brighter. You understood Josh’s constant talk of how big of a heart Jake had now that you had the chance to see it for yourself.

“Thank you, Jake.” You mustered the strength to speak, in awe of his attention to detail. He stuck it in the microwave, waiting for it to beep before placing it in front of you with a fork. Without mentioning it again, he sat back in the same spot, as if the last few minutes had never happened at all.

“What happened, sweetheart?” He asked again, more direct this time now that he felt he had some kind of leverage. Clearly he made a good enough impression on you, considering you hadn’t run out the door when the opportunity arose. Before responding, you took a few bites of the meal he’d made in preparation for his company. Your eyes fluttered closed in bliss, the taste something you had never experienced before. You weren’t sure if it was just because he was a good cook, or if it was because it had been days since you had a proper meal. Maybe, it was a combination of both.

For such a simple looking pasta dish, it was beyond anything you had ever eaten before.

“This is so fucking good, Jake.” You commended him for his efforts. He let out another laugh, happy that you were enjoying it.

“Good to know,” he nodded. “I’ll have to make it for you again sometime.”

“You’ll never get rid of me.” You joked, placing the fork down for a moment, wanting to make the meal last.

“Not the worst idea in the world.” He shrugged. You felt your cheeks dust with redness, his words almost too sweet for you to handle. You washed down the pleasant feeling of his compliments with another sip of whiskey, settling back in your seat as you prepared to confess.

“I think I’ve always been too blind to see the bad side of people,” you started, simple and easy to kick off the topic. “I like to see the best in everyone, ‘till the very end.”

“Admirable.” He responded quickly, shocking you with his interest in your sorrows.

“I dated this guy for a while, a few years at least. Guess it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows, but I loved him, or the idea of him, more so. He moved in with me not long after we met, and it was nice. Things seemed real good for a long time, but a couple months ago, he kinda pulled back a bit. I didn’t think much of it, ‘cause I was working all the time anyway, but I probably should have.” You sighed. “I started noticing he was gone when I came home at night, or when he went out, he stayed out far too late for a couple drinks with friends. Found some… suspicious things around the house, but chalked it up to a bad memory.” You laughed, shaking your head at your own stupidity. “I went home after work on Friday, and he was in bed with another girl. Mutual friend, real pretty, sweet on the surface… everything that I’m not.”

“That’s not true, sweetheart.” He shook his head, stopping that thought before it could go any further.

“Think we were long overdue for a breakup, but I thought it would be more decent than that.” You shuddered, recalling the moment that had been plaguing you for days. “I’m less heartbroken over him than I am for the whole thing. It’s just… dehumanizing, I guess. How many times did we… you know, after they started? And in my bed? Where I sleep at night?” You continued, watching the ice circle the bottom of your cup as the liquid neared the end. Jake reached out for the bottle, popping the cork and refilling your glass for you. You smiled, a silent thank you for everything he was doing.

“There wasn’t really a fight, or anything. I mean, I yelled for a little while, but it wasn’t worth my time. I told him to pack his shit and get out, and I assume he did. I haven’t been back, but I haven’t heard from him, either. Guess I just… don’t want to be in that place right now, alone, with that memory.”

“Don’t know the guy, but I can tell you he’s a fucking idiot.” He said, throwing back the last of his drink and refilling his own cup. “I don’t blame you for not wanting to be home. Like I said, I stayed at Josh’s for a while too. Sometimes it’s nice to get out of the place full of stuff that reminds you of them.”

“Yeah, exactly.” You gave a somber nod, blinking away tears threatening your eyes. “Think it always circles back to the same thing at the end of the day… hard not to think it’s me, that I wasn’t enough, or if I could have done more. That’s the hardest part of it, really. Not like he was the boyfriend of the year or anything, but I never would have done that to him.” You took another long swig of whiskey, feeling your head begin to swirl with intoxication.

“It’s not you, Y/N. You know better than that.” He said, furrowing his brow as he thought over your story. “So what is it? What do you need?”

“What?” You asked, unsure of what he meant.

“He got what he wanted, so what do you need, sweetheart? To scream? Cry? To get so drunk that you don’t know where you are?” He listed the offers, as if they were all completely reasonable and understandable. He didn’t want to speak empty words, or give you reassurances that would wash right off your shoulders once he was done speaking. He wanted to help you feel better, however he could. “We could even key his car, if you know where to find it.”

You let out a laugh, one that shook your shoulders and made your stomach ache. While you laughed, tears slipped on to your cheeks, but they did not phase you. Jake’s company was so fantastic that the hurt didn’t even seem to bother you anymore.

“You’re too beautiful to be crying over someone like that, sweetheart.” He leaned over, using his thumb to brush away the teardrops staining your cheeks. Once he finished, he cupped your cheek in his palm, ensuring you knew he was being truthful.

“No idea how you’ve never been the bride, Jacob.” You said, exhaling a long breath as you melted into his touch. It felt nice to be touched at all, and even better to be touched by someone who cared. It felt like it had been an eternity since you had experienced that in particular.

“My day will come, just like yours will.” He promised. “I know it hurts, but with time, you’ll thank him for it, because a girl like you shouldn’t end up with a guy like that.”

“Thank you, Jake.” You said, the utmost sincerity in your voice.

“Don’t mention it.” He brushed off the thanks, smiling over at you. “Now what is it? What will make you feel better, right now? ‘Cause I’ll be damned if I send you out the door before you feel better.”

“I just want to stop.” You sighed, rubbing your face in your hands. “I want to stop hurting, to stop thinking about him, to stop feeling like a different person. I want to feel like me. I want to feel good, instead of being miserable.” Jake leaned back in his chair, watching your face carefully as he thought about your request. You looked over at him, chuckling at yourself. “I know, steep request. Probably not much in the world we can do about that. Yet, anyway.”

“No, there is.” He cleared his throat, pursing his lips together slightly. You raised an eyebrow at him, intrigued by his response.

“Go on.” You urged him, curious about his idea.

“I don’t know if I can help you feel exactly like yourself again,” he started, looking up at the ceiling while he tried to word his response. “But I definitely have a quick solution for some of those problems.”

“Let’s hear it, then.” He smirked at your eagerness to feel better. Before he continued, he threw back the last of his drink for a second time. You could tell he was feeling it now, too. His cheeks were tinged pink and his eyes grew heavier the longer he sipped away.

“You’re open to any suggestions?”

“Well, most.” You huffed, almost annoyed by how long he was dragging this out. “Maybe not murder or armed robbery.” He laughed at your exuberance, shaking his head slightly.

“Well, sweetheart…” he sighed. “You want to stop thinking about him, and you want to feel good.” He listed, waiting to see if he was correct. You nodded in response, still not seeming to piece the two together. “If you’re open to trying it, I’m sure I could solve both of those problems at once.”

“Okay, Jake, this is not helping. Can you just—“ you cut yourself off, your eyes widening in shock as the puzzle finally clicked in place. You swallowed hard, your heart thumping wildly in your chest. As you looked at his expression, your cheeks burned red and your throat went dry. “Just to clarify, are you offering what I think you are?”

“Depends, beautiful.” He said, his tone soft and his eyes trained to your face. “What do you think I’m saying?”

“Are you offering to fuck me?” You wanted to be repulsed by the idea, but you were far from it. If anything, the feeling burning in the pit of your stomach told you the exact opposite, imploring you to fall into his arms and let him do as he pleased with you.

“Well, I’m pretty sure that would get your mind off him.” He argued his point, playful and calm so you knew rejection was more than allowed. “And if you’ll let me, I know I could help with that other part, too.” He let out a small huff of breath, as if he was excited just by the prospect of the opportunity.

“You offer that to every heartbroken girl who sits in this chair?” You asked, ensuring he knew you weren’t denying the offer.

“No,” he shook his head. “You’d be the first, and the only one, I think.”

“You think?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Never know what the future brings.” He shrugged, trying to keep his composure. As soon as he saw your bewildered face, he doubled over in laughter. It took him a few moments to regain his composure, but when he did, he did not seem to retract his statement. When he realized you took his words seriously, he stood from his chair, stepping towards you as he spoke.

“Yes, sweetheart. The only one. Is that what you wanted to hear?” He asked, tucking a lock of hair behind your ear.

“Yes, maybe? I don’t know.” You said, your eyes darting around the kitchen to avoid his heavy stare. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in this situation, so I’m not sure how to react.”

“Only if you want to, of course, but the offer is on the table.” He said, retracting his hand so as not to pressure you into it. You took a drink from your cup, finding your chest burning as you did so. Difference was, you knew it was not because of the liquor. As you sat the cup back on the table, you looked up at him, inspecting him closely.

He was attractive, and that was undeniable. You had been thinking about it since the minute you saw him, and you couldn’t seem to get the thought out of your head. Just half an hour ago, you were shivering from the closeness of his body when you were standing by the liquor cabinet, and now you were quivering just from the thought of his hands on your body. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea, but in the moment, what he was saying made sense to you.

He was hot, you were desperate to forget, and he was offering a quick solution.

“Okay.” You nodded. “Why not?” He watched you for another moment, standing still while you decided for certain that’s what you wanted to do. “Uhm, we won’t tell Josh about this, right?” You asked, a sudden wave of nervousness washing over you.

“Definitely not.” He laughed.

“And it’s just that? Just sex?”

“Just sex, just tonight, if that’s what you want.” He assured you.

“Okay.” You nodded again, more confident this time around. “Just sex, just tonight, with a guy I just met, who happens to be my best friend's twin brother?”

“It sounds better my way.” He said, taking a step towards you.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“Sex with someone who is happy to make you feel better.” He spoke quietly, kneeling down so he was eye level with you. His face was closer than it had been all night, and if it were even possible, he was even more stunning up close.

“Yeah, that does sound better.” You agreed, smiling slightly as you tried to keep your breathing steady. Jake seemed to prompt more of a physical reaction in you just by looking at you than your ex did in the entire time you’d been with him.

You weren’t sure if it was the whiskey combining with the heartbreak forcing you to make a deadly decision, or if it was just the fact you were attracted to him. Either way, you knew you couldn’t leave his house without a taste of what he was offering, because he had excited you just by mentioning it. You felt like leaving him without knowing what he could do for you would cause more grief than your breakup had in the last few days.

“So what do you say, sweetheart?” He asked, reaching forward and brushing his knuckle over your burning cheek. Your eyes fluttered closed at the touch, but you tried not to let it phase you too much. “You want me to help you forget about him?”

“Think you already have.” You mustered the strength to speak, but not the strength to look him in the eyes. You were sure if you did, you would turn to putty in his hands.

“So you’re saying you don’t need anything else?” He pried, finding the teasing amusing now that he knew you were okay with his actions.

“No, I definitely do.” You corrected him, finally opening your eyes to look over his face. “I really do.”

“Tell me what you need, angel.” He said, flattening his palm against your cheek again. His fingers were tangled in the loose strands of hair hanging over your neck, the action more telling than the last time he touched you. It was firm, more reassuring, and meant to solidify his feelings about the situation.

“You,” you bit the inside of your lip, almost embarrassed about your need for him.

“Don’t be shy, beautiful. Think we’re long past that.” He said, his eyes flickering down to your lips. Although he had full intent to follow through with his earlier promise, he wanted you to be in charge of the matter.

“Kiss me, please.” With that, he leaned forward, pressing his lips to yours as he held your face in his hand.

His lips still tasted like the alcohol he was sipping on, and his skin was still cold from the ice in his cup. Even so, the chill of his skin was quickly offset by the warmth of his tongue as it glided past your lips. The feeling was addicting, much more intense than you thought it might be. Your hands reached out for him, desperate for more. His fingers seemed to be burning into your skin, the touch electric and the sensation ten times more powerful than anything you had ever felt before. The emotion flowing through you from such a simple action was immeasurable, and you already needed more.

“Like that, sweetheart?” He asked, his lips still ghosting over yours as he presented the question. You were breathless, your head spinning and your mind completely free of the painful thoughts that previously seemed permanently attached to you.

“Don’t stop,” you pleaded, your voice quiet. You could feel him smiling, cocky enough to know his plan was already working. “Please, don’t stop.”

“Come with me.” He said, moving away from you and rising back to his feet. Although you were sad he pulled away at all, you knew it was for a better reason. He grabbed the bottle of whiskey and his own cup, waiting for you as you tried to bring yourself back to earth. You took your own from the table, waiting for him to make the next move.

He outstretched his arm, still holding the bottle tightly in his hand as he loosely wrapped the appendage around you. Carefully, he guided you to the hallway. Without any further words shared, he led the way to his bedroom with intent to finish what he started. As soon as you stepped inside, you were surrounded by him. His cologne lingered in the air, and his clothes littered the floor. His bed was messy, but in the most inviting way possible. Patch cords and guitar picks littered the surface of his dresser, and an acoustic guitar took post in the corner of the room.

Although the stipulations of your entanglement did not extend beyond a single night, curiousity got the best of you. With your heart singing a song curated specifically for him, it was hard not to want to know more about him. Seeing his life so intimately made you crave more substance from him, even if it was ridiculous for you to think.

“What’s on your mind now?” He asked, placing the liquor down on his bedside table.

“Nothing bad,” you assured him, still trying to soak in all the room had to offer. “Guess I’m just curious about you now, is all.”

“All you have to do is ask.” He said, taking a few steps towards you. “Later, though, because talking isn’t my top priority right now.” You watched him as he closed in on you, your stomach twisting with excitement at his words. Before he could place his lips on yours again, you swallowed back the last of your drink and placed the empty cup on the top of his dresser, freeing your hands so you only had to focus on him.

You stepped forward, closing the distance between you as your hand landed on his bicep. Now, with the opportune position, he had the luxury to touch you as he pleased with nothing standing in his way. One of his hands fell to your hip, his grip firm as he pulled your body into his own. He leaned down, placing his other hand on the back of your neck as he guided your head towards his. He started slow, fearful he might have come on too strong, but you weren’t willing to take your time with him.

It had been a long time since you had been excited by the prospect of sex, and despite knowing you should not be feeling such a way about anyone, let alone Jake in particular, he had elicited that response from you easier than anyone who came before. Even though his kindness was the most abundant of all his traits, you caught a few glimpses of what lie beneath, and if you were being completely honest, that was what held your attention.

The way his arm felt resting against yours at the liquor cabinet, the sly smile after his ambiguous questions, his heavy stare when he thought you weren’t looking, and the sparkle in his eye when you laughed. That was what drew you in, and everything else was just a cherry on top.

When you first sat with Jake, you almost felt guilty that you were so willing to tell him about your troubles, especially after shutting Josh out. Now, with his lips on yours and his hands exploring your body, it made sense that you felt such a way. Jake was offering much more than Josh could, and he could help in ways that Josh could not begin to imagine. He gave you an easy pass to forgetting, a quick solution to feeling good, and a simple way to move on, even if it were only for a short time. Jake was the perfect fit for what you needed, and you were happy that he was so eager to help.

Time was the only true healer, but Jake was a catalyst to speed the process up, and a very pleasurable one at that.

As the kiss continued, the two of you grew much more comfortable with each other. Your body had relaxed and your hands were more courageous as they travelled over the parts of him you were desperate to know. Your entire body was ablaze with excitement, and your mind was completely free of all the previous fears and feelings you were plagued with. His hand on your hip had drifted to your ass, pulling your hips forward into his as he became familiar with the taste of you on his lips.

If you had any fear about his willingness to sleep with you, it was destroyed within seconds of stepping into his bedroom. You could feel his own excitement, through his actions and other, more obvious signs. As he continued to kiss you, you could feel his erection against your leg, straining against the zipper of his jeans. As much as he wanted to take your mind off of things, you were just as happy to relieve him of the problem you had so easily caused.

When he parted from the kiss, his lips were pink and swollen, glistening with spit under the low light flowing in through his window. His hair was messy from your fingers running through it, and his eyes were darker than they were in the kitchen.

If you thought he was beautiful before, it had nothing on how he looked now.

His hands drifted under the hem of your shirt as he looked over your face, ensuring you were comfortable with continuing. When he was met with pleading eyes and a hopeful expression, his lips quirked up into a smile as he lifted your shirt over your head. As he tossed it to the floor, his gaze traveled downward, allowing himself to admire the parts of you that were usually kept hidden. He sucked in a sharp breath, as if the sight knocked the air from him completely and he was trying to recover from the shock.

“So fucking beautiful, angel.” He hummed, his hands finding you again as he spoke. The feeling of his calloused fingertips against the smooth skin was exhilarating, and even more enticing than anything he’d done before. He dropped his head to the crook of your neck, bringing his lips back to your skin as if he was already missing the feeling of kissing you.

He focused on your neck for a moment, curiously exploring as he tried to find the sweet spots. When his tongue settled below your ear, a whine fell from your lips, so quiet he nearly missed it. The sound reached his ears, sending his skin tingling as it wrapped around his spine and made home there. He kept his attention in the same spot, desperate to hear more. Your hand raised to his arm, holding yourself steady as your stomach swirled with emotion. His mouth continued lower, and courage flooded him as his hands continued to familiarize themselves with you.

He unhooked your bra, brushing the straps from your shoulders as his mouth landed on your collarbone. You felt his teeth graze the skin, the action gentle but purposeful as your bra fell to the ground with your shirt. Now, without anything standing between the two of you, his hand landed on your breast. His thumb drifted over your nipple, moving in a slow circular motion as he felt it harden under his touch. The small sensation only furthered the ache between your legs, and you could feel the wetness begin to soak through the fabric of your underwear.

As he continued his work, you felt your thighs squeeze together in a shameless attempt to ease the discomfort. You didn’t want to rush him, because everything he was doing was phenomenal, but it was growing increasingly difficult to bite your tongue when you so badly needed more from him.

Eventually, his head dropped low enough for his tongue to graze your already sensitive nipple. The warmth of his mouth paired with the precision of his tongue was deadly. You felt a shaky breath rattle your chest as you tried to keep yourself calm, but it was growing increasingly difficult to do so. You needed him more than you needed anything in your entire life; your body craved him in a way you never knew to be possible, and he had promoted more pleasures than anyone before without even needing to take all of your clothes off.

Something about Jake was otherworldly, and his promises to help you forget were not empty. He was doing exactly as he intended, better than you ever thought he could.

He seemed to be enjoying the moment just as much as you were, completely content with pleasing you and never worrying about his own needs. You had never, in your entire life, met someone who was concerned with your needs first.

He pulled his mouth away from you, his eyes fluttering up to your face as he took a few seconds to sort out his thoughts. His eyes were blackened, his pupils completely consuming his irises as he thought about all of the possibilities the night could have.

“Let’s get you out of these,” he muttered, hooking his fingers through the back belt loop on your jeans.

He pulled the fabric away from your skin, letting it snap back to form as he pulled his hand away. The thud of the material against your skin sent another rush of arousal through you, and you found yourself complying to the request without a second thought. He brought one hand to the button, undoing it with ease as he dropped to his knees once again. He pulled down the zipper, tugging on the fabric so they fell down past your hips. As soon as the denim was out of his way, he brought his lips to your stomach, focusing his attention there for a moment before going any further.

You were aching for relief as his tongue drifted over the exposed skin, and you were nearly brought to your knees as he took the time to leave a trail of pink marks where his lips landed. It would be a reminder of the night for days to come, darkening further with time, and you were thrilled at the idea of having a physical memory of his touch when not in his company. He pulled your jeans further down your legs, his lips now ghosting over your hips as he tapped your leg. You lifted one foot from the ground, allowing him to free you from the jeans entirely. You repeated the process with the other leg, and eventually, the jeans were strewn across the floor and gone from your memory completely.

“Jake, I need you.” You huffed, looking down at him, watching carefully where his lips met your skin. He did not respond right away, seemingly wanting to finish what he started before moving on to something new.

Then, his lips pulled away from you, but did not stray too far from their original position. You watched the muscles in his jaw tense as he comprehended the raw emotion behind your words.

“You need me?” He repeated, his voice husky and his eyes heavy as he bargained with the fact.

“Please,” you whispered, breathless as you tried to recover from the constant stimulation he was providing. “So bad, baby.” He drew in a long breath, his eyes fluttering closed as he heard the pet name fall from your lips.

“How could I say no to you when you sound so pretty?” He asked, the question without need of an answer. With that, he used his arm to push you towards the foot of the bed, only stopping when the backs of your knees collided with the mattress.

Then, he rose to his feet, finding himself at eye level with you once again. “What do you want me to do, angel?”

“Anything; just touch me, please.” Your voice was weak, his effect still strong over you even though he wasn’t touching you.

“Anything I want?” He asked, stepping closer and bringing his hand to your side again. He let his fingers trail down until they met the hug of the elastic band of your underwear on your hip. “Are you sure about that?”

“Positive.” You gave a single nod, showcasing your certainty on the matter. He chuckled at your eager nature, looking you over once while he thought of what to do next.

“Lay down for me, sweetheart.” He said, nodding his head towards the bed behind you. “Don’t be shy, get comfortable.” He continued, watching as you turned towards the mattress, unsure if it was possible to climb in and be uncomfortable. The blankets looked soft, and warm, even if they were strewn messily across the surface. The pillows looked like clouds, and there definitely wasn’t a lack of them. More than that, it smelled like him, even from afar. Although you’d only known him for a short time, it had already become a comforting scent for you.

You did as he asked, climbing into the bed and rearranging a few of the pillows. Once you were satisfied, you laid on your back, looking up for him as you awaited further instructions. He gave you a small smile, unable to refute how much he liked the sight of you in his bed, even if it was under strange circumstances.

It was never like Jake to dislike the sight of any girl in his bed, but you seemed to tug on his heart just a little more than others that came before.

“This is a sight I could get used to.” He hummed, adjusting himself in his jeans as he let his eyes trail every bit of exposed skin you had to offer.

“Thought this was a one time thing, Jacob?” He chuckled at your question, unbuttoning the few buttons holding his shirt together. As he slid the fabric from his shoulders, he responded to your inquiries.

“I said if that’s what you want,” he reminded you, dropping the shirt to the floor. Your eyes drifted to his body, drinking in every inch of him. The way the columns of his neck blended perfectly into his collarbones. You studied the structure of his shoulders, focusing intently on his biceps as your eyes trailed down his arms. Then, your gaze moved to his chest, the tan skin decorated with necklaces hanging from his neck. Your admiration ended when your eyes met the buckle of his belt, and you realized he was watching you watch him. “For some reason, I don’t think you’ll be able to stay away.” He sent a wink in your direction to follow his words.

His ego was taking up every spare inch of space in the room, and he was completely different than he was when you were sitting with him in the kitchen. The sweetness still lingered underneath the surface, but his desire had turned him wicked and he was doing everything he could to keep you on his hook. You couldn’t find a single complaint about it, because you loved this version of him even more than the kind hearted man who opened his home and his liquor cabinet to you.

“I think I want another drink,” he started, looking at the bottle decorating his nightstand. His gaze flickered back to you, wanting to ensure you were still watching him. “How about you?” You couldn’t help the sinking feeling in your stomach, wishing that he would just go back to touching you. The banter was fun, and you loved talking to him, but you had needs far more pressing than conversing with him. “Don’t look so disappointed, Angel.” He hummed, grabbing the bottle of whiskey. “I promised to make you feel good, and I’m going to…” he trailed off, popping the cork from the bottle as he kneeled on the bed beside you. “But I have to have my fun, too.”

With that, he brought the spout of the bottle to your navel, carefully letting the trickle of cool liquid fall to your skin. A few droplets trickled down the side of you, landing on the mattress below, but he didn’t care. With great gentleness, he reached out and placed the bottle back on the stand. Without breaking your stare, he settled himself between your legs, his head hovering over your belly as he leaned down a little closer.

With his eyes still settled on your face, he let his tongue glide over your stomach just above your panty line. The skin was already dampened from the spill of liquid from the bottle, cold from the air hitting the wet surface. His tongue warmed the skin, but did much more than just that. The gentleness of his touch cause a plethora of emotions to course through you all at once, and you couldn’t seem to keep your mind straight. The disarray only seemed to worsen as he trailed upwards, drinking up the whiskey like he was a professional on the matter.

When the alcohol was consumed, he did not stop his tyrant. Instead, he continued all the way up until his tongue met your breast once again, circling around your nipple before suctioning his lips to you completely. The warmth and wetness of his mouth was otherworldly, and the new position allowed for his hips to meet yours while he continued teasing you. You shifted down on the mattress, not enough to break his focus, but just enough for your aching core to meet with his cock, strained against his jeans. The contact was minuscule, but enough to elicit a sharp intake of breath from him.

He used his free hand to hold your hips in place, grinding himself down on you ever so slight to give you a bit of relief. The friction was good, even if it wasn’t enough. Paired with the feeling of his tongue on your sensitive nipple, it was enough to pry a moan from your lips.

“Jake, please touch me. Need it so bad.” You whined, feeling your hips raise from the mattress despite his hand holding you down. He pulled his mouth away from you, a small popping sound ringing through the air as he lost the suction of his cheeks.

“You want me to touch you, beautiful?” He asked, shimmying to the side so he could do as you asked. He brought one hand between your legs, resting beside you on his knees as he held himself up with his other arm. His fingers ghosted over the thin fabric covering your aching core, noticing the wetness before he even pushed the fabric to the side. “Fuck,” he hissed, looking down at his hand. “All of this for me, angel?”

“Just for you, baby.” You whimpered, feeling his finger drift over your covered clit. Although you wished that the barrier did not exist, you would settle for what you could get.

“And what’s got you so worked up? It can’t be me, I’m just getting started.” He teased, pushing the fabric to the side. Before he continued, he waited for you to respond.

“It’s you, Jake.” You assured him, almost sheepish of the fact. He was right, he was just getting started, and you were far too worked up for just a few minutes of foreplay. You couldn’t help it, though; between his sinful touches and your own lack of sexual pleasure over the previous few years, you were ready to come undone before he even touched you.

“Don’t tell me he was that bad of a guy.” Jake let out a murmur of discontent at the thought. “Couldn’t think about anything other than himself, even with a girl as pretty as you in his bed?” Your cheeks burned red at his words, embarrassed at the thought of him being correct. “You know I won’t do that to you, angel.” He promised, finally letting his fingers get a feel for the wetness pooling between your legs. “From here on out, it’s all about you. I’ll take care of you, sweetheart. Does that sound good to you?”

“Yeah,” you breathed, nodding in agreement with his idea. To you, it sounded more than good. It sounded fantastic.

With that, he gathered your arousal on his fingers, slowly trailing it up to your clit. He traced slow circles into the already sensitive bundle of nerves, watching your face so he did not miss a single second of your reaction. Your gaze flickered to his face, taking in all of the details while he did the same for you. His brow was furrowed with concentration, and his lips were still slightly swollen from earlier. The muscles in his jaw were tense, and his eyes told you just how happy he was to be pleasing you.

“You know, I was hoping to get you in my bed, even before you sat in that chair.” He confessed, his voice quiet as a sheepish smile crossed his face.

“Y-yeah?” You asked, the word breathy as you felt the pull of pleasure begin to build in the pit of your stomach. You were intrigued by his statement, so much so that it took your mind away from the burning desire for a moment.

“Yeah,” he affirmed, smirking at your obvious curiosity. “Been thinking about it since the first time I saw you at Josh’s house.” He continued, carefully letting himself move closer. He propped himself up on his forearm, moving his body down towards yours. “You walked out, all dolled up in a pretty little dress. Blue, if I remember right. I wasn’t really looking at the dress.”

He was right, and you could remember the scene just as well as him. It was the only blue dress you owned, and you were on your way to lunch with a potential client, which was why you were so eager to get out the door. He was carrying his guitar, in a cutoff t-shirt and jeans that hugged his legs just right. You were both younger, a little more naive and much more childish. You could remember being stunned by his long brown hair, tousled by the wind, and the sunglasses that sat low on the bridge of his nose. He was beautiful then, just the same as he was now, but you were too afraid to introduce yourself. You managed a small greeting as you passed by him, and spent the whole drive to the restaurant with the picture of him stuck in your head.

“Been waiting that long, Jacob?” You asked, finding a bit of strength to tease him back.

“I wouldn’t say waiting,” he chuckled. “But definitely thinking about it. Prettiest girl to ever walk out of his house, and the prettiest girl to ever step foot in mine.” He continued with the flattery, sliding his middle and index finger to your entrance. Before he continued, he slipped his fingers inside of you. As he began to pump his fingers, he let his thumb drift over your clit. The combination of the two sensations was overwhelming in the best possible way. “If I had it my way, I would have fucked you right there on his porch.” The vulgarity of his words may have been off putting in any other context, but as he said it, your walls fluttered around his fingers and another intense wave of arousal washed over you. “And you would have let me, wouldn’t you?”

You were nearly delirious from the pleasure steadily growing in the pit of your stomach. Your skin was ablaze, the sensation growing stronger with every word he spoke and every touch he gave you. You were willing to tell him anything and everything he wanted to hear as long as it meant he wouldn’t stop.

“God, yes. I would have.” You whined, moving your hips down on his hand as his fingers curled upwards, hitting the sweet spot inside of you.

You weren’t lying, either; had you known at that time he could make you feel so good, you would have let him do whatever he wanted to you. At the sound of your tone filled with need for him, he made it a point to curl his fingers upwards again as he pumped them into you. As his fingertips brushed over the sensitive spot he’d found with ease, a moan filled the air, loud and desperate for him to keep going. “Oh, fuck me.” You groaned, gripping at the sheets below you.

“I intend to, sweetheart.” He replied. Although he knew you did not direct the message to him, he felt the need to interject his own thoughts anyway. As the words left his mouth, he leaned down, pressing his lips to yours. He couldn’t help himself; he was compelled to kiss you, feeling that he might not be able to survive without the taste of you on his tongue.

His fingers continued to move with intent, eager to pry an orgasm from you. The knot in your belly was tightening further by the second, your skin tingling with pleasure as another moan tore through your chest. He drank in the sound like a man dying of thirst, feeling lucky to be the one experiencing such intimacy with you, even if it was under strange circumstances.

He broke from the kiss as he felt your walls clench around him again, knowing that you were closer to a climax than you would ever admit. He increased the pressure of his thumb, watching you carefully so he did not miss the moment he’d been patiently waiting for.

“That’s it, gorgeous.” He crooned, drunk of the pleasure twisted amongst your features. The praise washed over you like summer rain, settling deep in your stomach and furthering the intensity of the feeling. Your brow was furrowed, your eyes squeezed shut and your lips parted ever so slightly, allowing the most beautiful sounds to cross them. “You’re so fucking hot.” He muttered, propping himself up a bit further for a better view. As much as he wanted to focus on your face, he felt his eyes trail down to his hand, unable to resist the only other sight that could compare to your pretty face.

He sucked his bottom teeth between his lips, biting down on it as he watched his fingers disappear into your cunt.

Your eyes cracked open, desperate to catch a glimpse of him before you descended into the organ that was quickly approaching. When you caught sight of his face, you noticed his eyes were not looking at you like they had been moments before. When you followed his gaze, seeing what he was so fixated on, you felt a whole different type of emotion wash over you. He did not notice your stare, too caught up in the sight to even care about anything else. You were enthralled in him, watching him admire you like you were the most precious thing he’d ever seen.

You bit down on your lip, feeling the warmth in your stomach begin to spread to the rest of your body. You were so close, so ready to give in to the temptation of the feeling, but you weren’t ready for the moment to come to an end.

Within a second, that train of thought was completely disregarded, unimportant and needless.

A low groan, resembling more like a growl sounded through the room, coming from deep in his chest. His eyes turned dark, almost animalistic as he was taken by his desire for you. It was a simple thing, so unimportant in comparison to everything else he was doing to you, but it was everything to you. To know you could drive such a beautiful man to such desperate feelings made you weak, and knowing he was just as taken by you as you were with him sent you over the edge.

The orgasm that took hold was stronger than any you had ever had before. Your entire body was immersed in euphoria, from the very tips of your toes to the muscles in your face. Not one part of you was spared from his wicked power, and as your legs trembled, you came to terms with the fact he was right; heartbroken or not, you were hooked on him. Walking away would be ridiculous, and coming back for more was a given. You could not comprehend the idea of never feeling such a way again, and that made it all the harder to equate your solution for heartbreak to a single night.

“That’s it, angel. Doing so good for me.” His words seemed far away, but the sentiment behind them stuck with you indefinitely. He continued pumping his fingers into you, coaxing you through the climax with his hand and his words. You had never felt more important, more cared about than you did with him, like your enjoyment was the only thing in the world that mattered.

He pulled his fingers out of you, his gaze flickering to your face as he raised his hand to his mouth. You watched as he slipped his middle finger past his lips, glistening with your release as it landed on his tongue and his mouth closed around it. As the taste filled his senses, his eyes fluttered closed and a low groan rattled his chest. Your face flushed, your stomach pulling with another bout of pleasure as you watched the scene unfold in front of you. He pulled his finger from his mouth, a slight popping sound filling your ears as the digit slid off his lips. Your eyes squeezed shut, the sight nearly pornographic, and hotter than anything you had ever witnessed before.

“Taste so fucking sweet, baby. Just like I thought you would.” His words were soft, gentle as they filled the air around you. You couldn’t look at him, fearful that if you caught his eye, you would descend into another orgasm without him even touching you at all.

Your knuckles ached as you released your iron grip on the sheets, your body relaxing against the mattress as you came down from the high. Your lungs ached for a full breath of air, and your skin was still tingling with the ghost of pleasure. You looked down at Jake, expecting him to be watching you, waiting for your next move, but he was doing none of those things. He was tossing his belt to the floor, sliding out of his jeans and boxers at once and tossing them in the growing pile of clothes on the floor. You noticed his frantic nature, taking a second to discard your underwear and toss them to the floor as well. He didn’t say a word, making a move to shift downwards on the mattress. He settled between your legs, his hands on your hips as he pulled you down towards his face.

He guided your legs over his shoulders, settling his palms on the tops of your thighs as his lips dusted light kisses over the inside of them. As you both grew more comfortable with the new position, you felt his confidence grow, too. His teeth grazed over the sensitive skin, his tongue following the path to sooth any irritation that might occur. Goosebumps littered your entire body, and every nerve was aflame with desire for the boy who made home between your legs. You watched him, a wondrous sparkle in your eye as you inspected his every move.

Was it normal for someone to be this attentive, to be so concerned with making you feel good? Had you been missing out on such a fantastic experience, wasting your time with someone who was only concerned with himself? Or was Jake just so phenomenal that he made everything a million times more fun?

You did not know, and you did not care; the only important thing to you was him, and he was doing well in making you forget about all of your other worldly troubles. The only thoughts in your mind were pertaining to him and his ability to please you. He was like poison, infiltrating every thought and every emotion, completely taking over without you even thinking twice about it.

His eyes flickered upwards, meeting yours in a silent inquiry. The trail of love bites on your thigh was darkening by the second, and his gaze was burning into you.

“Talk to me, sweetheart.” He ordered, but it was hard to comply to his wishes when it felt like his fingers were searing into your skin.

“I-I just… sex has never been like this before.” You breathed, wondering how he knew something was wrong despite you not saying a word. He was effortlessly in tune with you, feeling every emotion coursing through you as if it were his own. “It’s never been so good, and I’ve never been so… taken care of.” You squeaked out the last few words, embarrassed to admit it to him.

“Oh, don’t tell me that, angel.” He muttered, almost pained at the thought. “If I had known he wasn’t taking care of you, I would have done it myself, a long time ago.” The sincerity in his tone made your head spin, and you were almost regretful that you had been so caught up on a man who wasn’t worth your time, when you could have been spending your time indulging in someone like Jake. “You mean to tell me he wasn’t doing this?” He asked, obviously referring to the act he was about to commit. Your cheeks burned red as you shook your head, silently answering him. “What a fucking idiot.” He muttered, clearly to himself.

Instead of continuing the conversation, he pulled your hips down a little further, letting his actions speak louder than his words. He lowered his head, and you held your breath as his mouth connected with your core. His tongue slowly ran through your folds, starting at your entrance and ending at your clit. He let his focus remain there for a moment, circling around the sensitive bundle of nerves as your hands snaked down your body, tangling themselves in the long locks of his hair. Your felt his tongue dip down to your entrance again, flattening against you as he repeated the same process from earlier, savouring every drop of arousal you had to offer him.

As his tongue reached your clit again, he let out a long hum of satisfaction, like the moment had curbed every craving he had for you in an instant. He pulled away from you for a moment, looking up as he listened closely to your shallow breathing. “I could stay between your legs for the rest of my life, and I’d be fucking happy to do it.” He said, his tone gruff as some residual anger remained in his mind. “Now that I’ve had a taste, I don’t think you’ll be able to get rid of me.”

A whimper fell from your lips, completely uncontrollable as you tried to sear the memory of him between your legs into your brain for eternity. He returned his mouth to you, using the sound as encouragement while he continued on with his work.

Jake was a force you were not familiar with, yet you feared you may never fully grasp his power. You met him at the perfect time, and he offered his services when you needed them most. It was supposed to be a quick fix, a simple solution to stop the pain from tearing you in two, but it quickly grew into something much more than that. Now that you had a chance to experience pleasure at his hands, you weren’t ready to give it up.

Calling Jake a rebound would be ridiculous, because he was the furthest thing from it; in just an hour, he gave more to you than your ex did in years.

Like you said earlier, you were mourning the situation more than you were mourning the person or the relationship itself. The picture of betrayal had been seared in your mind, the self-doubt and self-hatred was abundant, and maybe there was a hint of sadness over the loss of routine, but most of your ailments were not caused by the man himself. With Jake’s help, that became incredibly apparent, and the rest of the sadness and anger seemed to fade away the longer his hands were on you.

“A-ah, fuck.” You hissed, your fingers tightening in his hair as an intense wave of pleasure took hold. “Feels so good, Jake.” Instead of pulling away to respond, he hummed against you, the vibration of the sound furthering the sensation he was already giving you. He wanted to hear how good you were feeling, how good he was making you feel. His ego hadn’t gone away, and your compliments only fed it further. You would be uncomfortable with his cockiness if it were not warranted, but from everything he’d done so far, you understood that he was the only man you had been with who had a right to be so self-assured.

His hands inched up your legs, his grip loosening as he moved his fingers. The light tickle sent a shiver down your spine, and your head was spinning as his grasp slowly settled on your hips. His tongue continued to circle around your clit as he pulled you a little further down on his face. A moan filled the air, much more desperate than the last and the vulgarity immediately categorizing it as pornography. You weren’t sure if such a sound ever left your lips before, but you did not have time to focus on the fact before another one followed up the last.

Your cheeks were burning to the touch, your skin blotchy with redness and glistening with sweat. Your hands were anchored in the roots of his hair, and his tongue was driving you so crazy that you couldn’t help the automatic roll of your hips against his tongue. You were bordering the edge once again, and he seemed to have no intent to slow. One of his hands remained on your hip as the other began to explore, dusting over your stomach with great gentleness. It was a staggering difference between the hand on your hip, which was holding you tightly, as if he was scared he would lose you if he let go.

You were lost in the movements of his tongue, no other thoughts existing within your mind as he continued with his precise actions. The warmth of his mouth was heavenly, the wetness of his tongue making every move all the more remarkable. His hand raised to your chest, finally finding what he had been blindly searching for as his palm cupped your breast. You squeezed your eyes shut, letting your head fall back onto the pillow as you tried to keep your breathing steady. Then, his fingers found your nipple, brushing over it and sending jolts of pleasure through you. The sensation combined with the feeling of his tongue was indescribable, addicting, and intoxicating. You felt drunk off of him alone, and you never wanted to sober up.

Just when you thought you were accustom to the multiple sensations all at once, he moved his hand, taking your nipple between his thumb and his forefinger and giving one hard pinch. You let out a gasp, your hips bucking forward into his mouth even further. You could see the shake of his shoulders, showcasing his silent laughter at your reaction.

Even if you wanted to be upset at him, you had no idea how to be. Being angry with Jake seemed like an oxymoron, two things that could not coexist together. If anything, all you wanted to do was praise him for all he had done to help you.

He retracted his hand from your chest, snaking it back down your body. He brought it underneath your leg, bringing his middle and ring finger to your entrance. He pushed them inside of you, with the same curl to his fingers as earlier. The added stimulation was heavenly, and a sure apology for his earlier action. He barely had to pump his fingers at all before your back was arching off the mattress, desperate and shameless for more.

“Jake, baby.” You warned, the words coming out hastily and jumbled together. “M’gonna cum.” You forced the rest of the sentence out, the fire in your belly blazing and threatening to take hold.

He hummed against you again, encouraging you to give in and let go. With one last curl of his fingers paired with the flick of his tongue, your second orgasm took over. Your legs trembled with the intensity of the feeling, your hands holding his hair as if you were afraid of floating away if you let go. The air was filled with obscenities, curses and praise for his work as you descended into the pleasure. If his mouth wasn’t occupied, you knew the praises and encouragement would be the most beautiful thing you had ever heard. He coaxed you through the moment, and your heart rate began to slow and your muscles started to relax from the tension.

Difference was, this time he didn’t slow.

His tongue continued to trace your clit with more intent than before, as if he wanted to see how far he could take it before you gave in. At first, the feeling was uncomfortable, but the idea of stopping was more troublesome than the sting of overstimulation. Instinctively, your body tried to pull away from him, but he used his hand on your hip to hold you in place. Your hands remained in his hair, but did not try and pull his head away from you. You wanted him, and the orgasm he had just given you was inexplicably addictive. You wanted to feel that way again so bad that you could spare the few moments of discomfort in exchange for something so fantastic.

The noises falling from your lips had upped in intensity, and definitely felt more dramatic. You were loud enough that you feared the neighbours might hear you had they stepped outside. He was living in the moment, driven near insane from the desperation in your voice. You looked down, and despite your blurred vision, did the best you could to admire him while you had him like such. His hair was a mess, still knotted around your fingers. The muscles in his back were tight, flexing with every move of his arms. His knuckles were locked in place around your hip, decorating it so nicely that you dreaded the moment he had to let go.

Although beautiful, those were not the things that held your attention. Instead, you were drawn in by the sight of his hips grinding into the mattress below. Pleasing you had worked him up so badly that he himself was aching for relief, unable to control how badly he needed to be touched. The thought was maddening, and the sight drove you over the edge.

Before the overstimulation even began to wear off, your body was forced into another climax that put the previous ones to shame. Your throat was raw from crying his name, your entire body aching from the violence of the feeling. For a moment, you thought you might die at the hands of his sin, but not even that thought could force you away from him. Your lungs burned and your head swam with thoughts of nothing and everything, all at once.

You had never felt such a way in your entire existence, and even when your body began to recover from the effects of his tongue, your mind had fallen far behind. You were barely holding on to reality as he finally withdrew his fingers from you, and your head was completely elsewhere when his head moved away, too.

“Could listen to you scream my name like that every fucking night.” He growled, pressing his wet lips to your thighs so he did not have to give up contact with you entirely. “God you’re a fucking masterpiece. Can’t believe it took so long for me to have you like this.”

He didn’t give you a chance to respond, instead wiping away your release from his chin and moving upwards so he could kiss you. As his hips landed on yours, you felt his cock press against your soaking core, the warmth of bare skin against skin nearly driving you into another orgasm. You were floored at his ability to make you feel good, and amazed that nobody else could make you feel such things. As his tongue glided across yours, you could taste yourself on him, only making the moment even more remarkable. It made him even more addicting, and you were certain you could get used to having him in such a way.

“Just a second, sweetheart.” He slurred, drunk off of you. He pulled away from you, sliding out from between your legs and climbing out of bed. You watched him, breathless and stunned at the picture of him completely naked in front of you. It was the first moment thus far that you had the chance to admire him fully, and you never wanted to stop.

He was painfully hard, the tip of his dick red with irritation from the rough threads of the sheets and glistening with wetness from where he was resting against you. The sight sent you mad, your mouth watering and your need for him growing tenfold. He turned to his bedside table, rummaging around in the drawer in search of a condom. When his fingers landed on the box, stuffed way in the back and hidden under a pile of junk. He looked over at you, smiling shyly as he pulled one from the box.

“Don’t really need these all that often.” He chuckled, an inadvertent way of telling you he was being truthful when he said you were the only one he offered his services to.

“Wait,” you uttered, watching as he raised the package to his mouth to tear it with his teeth. He froze in place, worried that you might have changed your mind.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He asked, ready to discard the foil square in his hand and dress himself if you were uncomfortable. “Do you want to stop, or slow down?”

“No!” You shook your head, feeling bad that the thought even crossed his mind. Instead of letting his anxiety get the best of him, you sat up from your laying position. Carefully, ensuring you had your balance, you shifted so you were resting on your knees, facing him. You looked up, giving a small smile as you beckoned him closer. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion, but he stepped towards you anyway.

Only when you reached out for him did he understand your intentions. He sucked in a sharp breath, watching as you grabbed his hand and guided him closer to the edge of the bed.

“Tonight is supposed to be about you, angel.” He muttered, a weak protest against your actions.

“I want to, Jake.” You assured him, unable to refute your desire to please him, too. “Please?” You looked up at him, doe-eyed with faux innocence written over your features.

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, unable to resist the temptation. “I had no idea you were such a whore.” Even if his words were venomous, his tone did not match. He had such a way with words that even his insults sounded like praise. “Go ahead then, if you want it so fuckin’ bad.”

You debated thanking him for his kindness, but you opted to do it with your actions, instead. You leaned toward, bringing your mouth to him. You parted your lips slightly, letting your tongue glide over the head of his cock. The saltiness of the pre-cum staining his skin lingered on your lips as you took him in your mouth. You bobbed your head down slowly, allowing spit to accumulate on your tongue as you let it glide over the underside of his cock.

As you moved your head down on him, your eyes fluttered closed in concentration. His size was something you weren’t used to, but you had enough confidence to follow through with your efforts. When you felt his tip hit the back of your throat, your eyes watered as you fought back a gag. Desperate to impress, you relaxed your throat as you took him all the way. You felt him twitch in your mouth, letting you know that he was enjoying the moment just as much as you hoped. A string of curses fell from his lips, followed by a long groan. The sound only worsened the persistent ache between your legs, but you carried on, knowing that he would take care of that once you took care of him.

He raised his hand to your hair, gathering it in his hand and holding it away from your face. His eyes were permanently fixated on you, terrified of missing even a second of the view in front of him. You sat there for a moment, allowing yourself to grow comfortable with the feeling before forcing yourself to swallow, despite the momentary discomfort. As your throat constricted around him, he took in a sharp breath, overwhelmed by the sensation. Another groan tried to force it’s way from his chest, but he tried to hold it back, resulting in the sound coming out more similar to a whine.

Even if it was unintentional, it drove you fucking crazy.

You pulled back in one swift motion, inhaling a breath of air as his cock fell from your lips. Trails of spit covered your chin, but it did not phase you. Before he could recover from the loss, your mouth was on him again.

“Ah, fuck, sweetheart.” He growled, his grip in your hair tightening. “Full of fucking surprises tonight.” Your eyes flickered upwards, catching his stare as you bobbed your head down on him. You longed to sear the picture in your mind forever. His hair was disheveled, his jaw-hard set and his eyes crazed as he studied your every move. He was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen, and you were certain of that. You felt lucky to be able to please him in any way, and grateful to have caught his eye all those years ago.

As you drew your head upward, you let his cock leave your mouth completely, deciding to give him a show. You circled your tongue around his tip, pursing your lips as you placed them on the side of his dick. You pushed your tongue flat against him, suctioning your cheeks just a bit to add some pressure. As you moved your mouth down his cock, you made sure to keep eye contact with him the whole time. When you reached the base, you slowly ran your tongue over him as you brought your head back to the tip. Without breaking the momentum, you took him back in your mouth and bobbed your head back down until his tip hit the back of your throat again.

You started a steady pace, listening intently to every sound that passed his lips. It wear encouraging, and it was hot. If you had to say, it was the most attractive thing you had ever heard. As you felt him slide down your throat again, you let out a moan. The vibration amplified the already intense feeling, causing his head to fall back on his shoulders as he hissed out a long string of curses. You could feel him throbbing in your mouth, desperate for a release but unwilling to give in to it just yet.

In truth, you would not have minded. He had been beyond generous already, and to do him a kindness was the only way you thought fitting to repay him. Even if you would miss out on fucking him, you were happy to be used by him in any way.

As you continued at the same pace, you could feel him begin to lose himself to the pleasure. As your head came down on him, his hips involuntarily moved too meet with you. The constant pressure in the back of your throat was making it difficult to keep calm, but you persevered until he pulled away first. A particularly sharp thrust of his hips sent you over the edge, and the gag you tried so hard to stop finally forced its way out. Your throat constricted around him again and your eyes welled with tears. Hastily, he pulled away from you, his chest heaving as his concerned eyes looked over your face.

“M’sorry, angel. You okay?” He asked, crouching down so he was eye level with you.

“Yeah, I’m good, it’s okay.” You promised, nodding you head. He raised his hand to your cheek, swiping away tears that had fallen from your eyes.

“We can take a break if you need it,” he assured you, holding your gaze. “Don’t be afraid to tell me if I’m going too fast or if it’s too much.”

“I’m okay, I promise.” You gave him a soft smile, well recovered from the moment of slight tension. He watched you for a moment longer, wanting to be certain. When he realized you weren’t going to change your mind, he leaned forward and pulled you into a kiss. The softness of the action was all you needed to feel better again. “Can you fuck me? Please?” You muttered the words against his lips, unable to wait until he was finished to ask the question.

“You want me to fuck you, sweetheart?” He asked, intrigued by your excitement.

“Yes, please.” You breathed, needing it like you needed air. The desire you had for him was nearly debilitating, and since he’d stopped touching you, there was no relief for the grating need.

“Turn around for me, Angel.” He said, rising to his feet. He was in no position to deny you anything, because he wanted it just as bad.

You did as he asked, noticing he was reaching for the foil wrapper on the nightstand again. You couldn’t comprehend the grief that washed over you as you saw it, and the words rushed out faster than you could stop them.

“I’m on the pill,” you said, hearing him freeze in place. “I’m clean, too.” You were telling the truth, because before him, unprotected sex wasn’t even a thought in your mind. Whatever he had done to you that night seemed to permanently alter your mind, and the simple thought of not having him completely was sickening.

“Me too.” He hummed, almost relieved that you told him. He tossed the condom back on the table, the dull clatter of the impact prompted a smile on your face.

You backed up closer to him, your knees resting near the edge of the mattress and your feet dangling off the edge. He stepped towards you, his hands reaching for your hips as he positioned himself between your legs. His touch drifted over your ass, appreciating you while he had you in such a way.

“You have no fucking idea how good you look like this.” He praised your beauty, his voice deep and laced with desire. One of his hand fell from your hip, and seconds later, you felt his cock rest against your cunt. Slowly, he ran the tip through the wetness that was worsening by the second. “You want it, sweetheart?” The husky tone settled deep in your bones as you dropped to your forearms, bringing your top half lower to the mattress. You pushed your hips back towards him, adding a little more pressure to your clit, which he was resting against.

“So bad, Jake.” You pleaded, looking back over your shoulder at him.

“What was that, Angel?” He asked, sliding himself back down to your entrance. “Couldn’t quite hear you.” There was a smirk on his lips, cute enough to help him get away with the teasing, but irritating enough to bother you.

“Please, baby.” You whined, trying again.

“Please what?” He pressed further, pushing his hips forward ever so slightly. The miniscule change was agonizing, but it still made your head spin. “I want to hear how bad you want me, beautiful.”

“Please fuck me, Jake.” You finished your broken sentence, your tone stronger than it had been all night. “I need to feel you, please.” With that, you pushed your hips back again, testing your limits.

Unlucky for you, at the same time, he thrusted forward with force, causing the impact to be so much more intense.

“A-ah, fuck!” You yelped, the size of him something brand new to you. The way he filled you was enough to bring you to your knees, but the painful sensation of his cock hitting your cervix amplified the pleasure even further.

“There you go, baby.” He crooned, completely disregarding your response as he drew his hips back and slammed back into you with the same energy. “How does that feel?” The slight sneer in his tone was aggravating, but you had to admit that it looked really good on him. The sudden change in attitude made you realize that what had come before that moment was not typical for Jake. He was snarky, arrogant, and he liked to be in charge. You could tell by his fingers bruising your hips and his tone talking down to you.

Although you thoroughly enjoyed the time you already spent with Jake, it almost made you sad when you realized what exactly you missed out on.

As you were stuck on the thought, you felt a sharp sting across your ass. The sensation on your skin combined with the pleasure of him inside of you, making you quiver under the touch. “Answer me when I fucking speak.” He barked, letting his fingers gently caressed the reddening skin where his hand made contact. You weren’t sure if it was purposeful or absentminded, but the sweet touch after the harsh words felt good, reassuring that he was only putting on an act.

Then, you decided if he wanted to push you, you could do the same to him. The worst that could happen was a punishment, and the idea of punishment at Jake’s hands was nothing but thrilling.

“Feels so good, sir.” You exaggerated your tone in hopes of getting under his skin, but the term of endearment seemed to short circuit his brain. His hips stuttered and his hands tightened their grip.

“Such a fucking whore,” he spat, his words quiet as he regained his composure. Even if his words were harsh, you could tell by his voice alone how much he enjoyed your attitude. “I love it.” He muttered the words to himself, but you heard it despite his efforts to keep it to himself. He felt your walls flutter around him, drawing him in further and deeper, encouraging his antics even further.

One of his hands raised to your hair, gathering it in his fist and knotting it around his hand. He tightened his hold, pulling your head back ever so slightly as his hips continued at the same, bruising pace. You arched your back even further, your chest nearly brushing against the mattress now as your ass raised to meet his hips.

“That’s my girl,” he hummed, holding your hips as he upped the strength in which he was thrusting into you. “Take it so fucking good.”

The knot in your belly was tightening further by the second, threatening to snap with every move. You were crying his name, praising him for his hard work as he pushed you closer to a climax. You were sure his bedroom would never recover from the pornographic display the two of you found yourselves in, and the thought served as a comfort. You wanted him to think about you every time his bedroom door closed, remembering how you looked in his bed as he fucked you from behind. You wanted him to picture the way your ass met his hips every time he closed his eyes, and you never wanted him to forget the feeling of you wrapped around him.

Although he intended to solve your problems, you wanted to create a new, constant one for him; one that plagued him every night and haunting him during the day. You wanted Jake to succumb to the need of you, and you wanted your number to be a constant call in his phone, begging you to come over so he could curb the urge for a little while. You wanted to infiltrate every thought that crossed his mind, because you could not stand the idea of him giving this to anyone else.

“You want to cum already?” He asked, recognizing the tremble of your legs and the desperation of your high-pitched moans. “So fucking needy you can’t even enjoy it for a while?” He chastised you, but both of you knew there was zero malice behind his behavior. He was living for the way you moved against him, surviving off the sound of your pleasure. He was thrilled to drive you to such a state so easily, and he would give you whatever you wanted, so long as you asked nicely.

“Please, sir. I want it so bad. I need it.” You stressed the importance of the topic, feeling the burn begin to overtake your entire body. The urge was impossible to stave off, and you knew there was no use in trying. After all he’d done to you so far, you were long past self-control.

“Fine, but you better not hold back. I want to hear every one of those filthy fucking noises.” He growled, pulling your head back with a little bit of force. “Put on a good show, sweetheart, or I might not be so nice next time.” He warned, holding your head in place with one hand and your hip with his other. He pulled you back on him, making the impact even more powerful. The painful pleasure pulsed through your entire body, so intense that you could feel it behind your eyes. With every thrust of his hips, you grew closer to the release you so desperately needed.

In exchange for him giving you what you needed, you gave him exactly what he asked for.

“Oh, god, Jake.” You whined, upping the dramatics for the sake of his request. “You feel so good, baby. Please don’t stop.” You pleaded, feeling your head spin with the threat of your climax. You could hear his shaky breaths, the sound of your words hitting him harder than he anticipated. His hips remained steady, though, never faltering as he continued on exactly as you asked him to.

“Come on, angel.” He huffed, looking down at the curve of your ass, watching himself as he fucked into you. The permissive statement sent you spiralling, pushing you over the edge with little thought.

“Fuck, Jake.” You groaned, feeling your stomach burn with pleasure. Your hands were balled into fists, knuckles white as you gripped the sheets. Your arms and legs felt like they would give out from under you as they trembled. Jake seemed to notice the same thing, and the hand holding your hip slipped under you, holding you up so you did not have to worry about anything other than feeling good.

“That’s it, baby. That’s my girl.” He crooned, never letting up on his pace as he continued to fuck you through the climax. Even as you came down, your body did not relax. Your skin was ablaze and your forehead was glistening with sweat. You were tired, and the feeling of him inside of you became less pleasant and more intense as he continued to thrust into you. Your noises became less angelic and more desperate, as if they served as a warning for him to slow down. Overstimulation was threatening your exhausted mind, driving you closer to insanity by the second as the burn of irritation began to spread.

“Jake,” You wheezed his name out, trying to bargain with him as he increased the speed of his hips. “Jake, please.” You pleaded, now for an entirely different reason.

“What, you wanted it so bad and now you can’t take it?” He growled, his hips still moving at a relentless pace. “You can take it sweetheart, I know you can. Be good for me, baby. Just a little longer.”

“I don’t know if I can.” You cried, your throat raw from the desperation of your moans. Both of you knew he would stop if you really needed it, but he would be damned if he gave up before you truly needed him to.

“You can, beautiful. Being so good for me.” He rushed out, clearly growing close to his own climax. “Don’t you love being a good girl for me?” He asked, easing up on you ever so slightly.

“I do,” you whimpered, feeling his hand in your hair push your head towards the mattress. The strength of his thrusts had lessened, and the overwhelming sensation started to become pleasurable again. “I love it.”

“I know you do, sweetheart.” He whispered, desperation beginning to set in for him, too. He loosened his hold around your hips, knowing you were much steadier, now. He moved his hand between your legs, his middle finger finding your clit with ease. “Just a little while longer, baby. I’m not done with you yet.”

“Oh, fuck.” You groaned, his words giving you the strength to keep going. You clenched around him, amplifying the sensation for both of you as his finger continued to trace around your clit.

“So fucking tight.” He praised, saying it mostly to himself. “Give me one more angel. I know you have it in you.” He was right, the orgasm was already building at a rapid pace. You could feel the tingle of euphoria in the tips of your fingers and toes. You were too strung out on him to answer, but he knew that you would give him what he wanted.

Nobody in their right mind would ever deny Jake anything he asked for, anyway.

“Jake, fuck, m’gonna cum.” You rushed out, the urgency something you had never experienced before in your life. He let out a low chuckle at your state despite feeling the same desperation.

“That’s my girl.” He said again, the statement still hitting as hard as it did the first time he said it. With one last thrust of his hips, you came undone, all of the pleasure from the night coming to one final climax.

Your mind was blank, no thoughts or worries left to bother you. You wanted to scream his name, but nothing was coming out. Your chest ached and your lungs were in dire need of air, but you could not even seem to do something as simple as breathing. Jakes hand pushed your head further into the mattress, your cheek pressed against the soft fabric of the sheets as he started to lose his composure, too. His movements were sloppy, his hips stuttering every time he fucked into you. The finger that was once tracing perfect circles on your clit seemed to forget how to do so, and he had his turn to utter profanities that only solidified the moment in your minds forever.

His grip on your hair loosened as he reached his peak, spilling his release inside you as his hips began to slow. He used his arm to pull you back on him one last time, holding you there while he recovered from the intensity of the moment. He let out a long breath, looking down once more where his hips rested against yours. He drew back, slowly thrusting forward a few more times as he fucked his release back into you. A low growl sounded from his chest, the sight alone nearly working him up all over again.

“You okay, sweetheart?” He asked, his loving and catering tone returning as he withdrew from you completely.

“Yeah, m’okay.” You nodded, feeling the pressure in your skull lessen as he loosened his hold on your hair. “Fantastic, actually.”

“Yeah?” He grinned, excited at the idea. “You feel better?”

“Jake, you have no idea.” You breathed, slowly moving from your position. You were sore, tired, but you felt better than you ever had. “I don’t think I’ve ever… no, I’ve never had sex like that.” You confessed, rolling on to your back to let your body rest for a moment.

“I’m glad I could help, beautiful.” He said, laying down beside you. “Don’t worry about the mess, I’ll clean it up later.” He said, pulling you into his arms. You rested your head on his chest, his skin warm and soothing as the sound of his heartbeat thudded in your ears.

“I should probably call a cab, get back to Josh’s place before the bar rush starts.” You sighed, saddened by the thought alone. You wished to stay wrapped up in Jake’s arms for the rest of the night, even if you knew you shouldn’t. You were going through a breakup, and dating was not on the table (or shouldn’t be, at least), but there was something special about Jake, something so different that it made it impossible to want to walk away from him.

“Are you crazy?” He scoffed, his tone light as he looked down at you.

“What?” You raised an eyebrow, tilting your head up as you awaited an answer.

“Like I’d ever make you take a cab.” He rolled his eyes. “But, you’re not going back to Josh’s place, sweetheart.”

“What if I want to?” You shot back.

“Do you?” He asked, seemingly staring into your soul. You bit the inside of your lip, fighting back a smile as you gave a small shake of your head. “Didn’t think so. I’ll just tell him we drank a little too much and you crashed in the spare room.” Your stomach sank at the thought of a spare room, but he could see it in your eyes before you had the chance to address it. “You’re not actually staying in the spare room, gorgeous.”

“Okay, good.” You breathed, chuckling at your own stupidity. “‘Cause I’d much rather stay here, with you.”

“That was never even a question.” He assured you, letting his fingers gently trail over your back. The light tickle was addicting, comforting and soft. It was exactly what you needed after such a high energy evening. “I’m not even close to being done with you yet.” He said the second part, quieter this time, but you could still sense the truth behind his words.

“No?” You giggled, smiling up at his pretty face.

“Mmm,” he hummed to himself, the sound vibrating his chest. He seemed like he was thinking about all of the possibilities the night held, everything he could do with you (or to you, for that matter), and more importantly, what positions he could put you in. “No, definitely not.”

“I wouldn’t be opposed to that.” You let out a sigh of content, already dreaming of the same things. A silence fell between you for a moment, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. With Jake, it never was. After a while, you felt the urge to speak again, to show your gratitude for his kindness. “Thank you, Jake. For everything.” You whispered. “It really helped.” His lips quirked into a smile as he pulled you closer to him. He leaned down, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚

“Oh baby right there, you feel so good for me,” Jake moaned into your ear, hips thrusting erratically into you. 

You whined, hands gripping his shoulders, fingernails digging into the warm skin there. “Fuck, Jake, I’m close. 

“Me too, baby. Come for me, please,” he practically begged, eyes squeezing shut tightly. “Please, please, please, please.” 

The whiny, neediness that laced his voice was enough in itself to send you over the edge. Jake thrusted into you mercilessly as you clamped down around him, crying out and gripping onto his body like a vice. 

A moan sang from your chest, and Jake struggled to maintain his composure above you, hips a stuttering mess against you, before he let go as well. His body flattened against yours as he rode out his orgasm, wet lips rubbing against your shoulder, and hot breath fanning over your skin as he moaned out a poetic mix of profanities and your name. 

Once he had calmed, you both lay there for a moment, sweat licked skin pressed together and chests heaving in synchronicity, hearts beating against one another. Reluctantly, Jake pushed himself up on shaky arms and slipped out of you with a whispered ‘ahh’. You sighed, watching him dreamily as he stood from the bed, taking off the condom and disposing of it in the bin, ass swaying with each step he took. 

He glanced back at you on the bed, laughter lingering in his breath, eyes catching yours before trailing downward— over your flushed cheeks, the sheen of sweat painting your skin, the evidence of your pleasure still glistening at your core.

“You look so beautiful laying there…” he murmured, voice hushed with something tender, something almost awestruck. His gaze drifted over the rise and fall of your chest, the way your nipples remained peaked in the cool air, your body still trembling slightly in the aftershocks of him. Then, with that familiar mischievous glint, he lifted his hands and mimed taking an imaginary picture.

You giggled, warmth creeping up your neck as you covered your face with your hands. “You’re so lame.”

Jake grinned, entirely unbothered, before tilting his head toward you. “Let me grab you a towel to clean up…” His lips twitched, eyes flicking teasingly down your body, “...Your mess.”

With a gasp, you snatched a small pillow off the bed and hurled it at him. He barely dodged, yelping before scampering away toward the bathroom, still bare-cheeked, and giggling under his breath.

When he returned, he was gentler, quieter. He climbed back onto the bed beside you, warm cloth in hand, and without a word, he pressed it to your skin. The damp heat glided over your inner thighs, slow and delicate, wiping away the remnants of your pleasure with a tenderness that made your breath catch. You should have felt shy, maybe even embarrassed by the mess you had made, but with Jake, it was impossible. He never let you feel anything but adored.

“There we go,” he murmured, shifting to wipe himself off next, swiping the cloth over his own thighs before tossing it somewhere across the room without a second thought. “All clean.”

Then, before you could say anything, he flopped onto the bed, collapsing right on top of you with a satisfied groan.

“Jake!” you wheezed out a laugh, pushing at his chest, but he only hummed, wrapping his arms securely around your waist and rolling onto his back, bringing you with him.

Jake’s lips brushed your temple. “That was nice,” he murmured.

You smiled, pressing your face against his chest. “Mmm. It was.”

“Can't believe we waited that long to do it,” he commented. It was true. Though you and Jake had been together for a while, you had waited a fair while before sleeping together. There was no real reason for it, it just had happened that way. “I will say though, I wasn’t expecting you to moan like that.”

Your face burned. “Oh my God, shut up.”

He laughed, clearly enjoying himself far too much. “No, really. You sounded so sweet, baby— ‘Jake, oh my God, right there’—”

With a horrified gasp, you smacked your hand against his mouth, but he just laughed harder against your skin, licking your palm playfully. You scowled, pulling your hand away, “Okay, but I wasn’t whining, like you.”

His smirk faltered. “I did not.”

“Oh, you so did.” You patted his chest in mock sympathy. “Like, this real desperate little ‘please, please, please’ situation.”

Jake groaned, hiding his face in your shoulder. “Alright, maybe a little.”

You grinned, victorious. “Mmm. Thought so.”

Jake huffed out a breath, shaking his head. “You’re ridiculous.”

“You love it.”

“I do.” He didn’t even hesitate. His voice was so warm, so full of certainty, that it made your stomach flip. He tilted his chin down, pressing a lazy kiss to your temple before settling back against the pillows, arms tightening around you.

Tangled together beneath the sheets, you let yourself melt into him, head resting against his chest, the steady rhythm of his breathing lulling you toward sleep. His fingers traced lazy patterns along your back, warm and absentminded, and with every slow stroke, the world around you faded further, shrinking down to just this— just the two of you, wrapped up in each other.

A yawn slipped from your lips, and you nestled closer, murmuring weakly, “I’m sleepy.”

It was nothing, just an exhausted mumble, but you felt the way his hand hesitated for half a second against your skin. And when you blinked your eyes open, you saw it too.

The flicker of something in his gaze. A hesitation, the shadow of something sad.

But the second he noticed you looking, it was gone— swallowed up by a soft smile, by the warmth that was always there when he looked at you.

“Okay baby, go to sleep,” he whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “I’ll be right here,” he said, gentle as ever.

But now you were awake.

Your brows furrowed slightly as you lifted your head to look at him properly, studying the warm brown of his eyes, the way they reflected the dim golden glow of his bedside lamp. “Jake,” you said slowly, “What's wrong?”

His lips parted, but no words came out at first. Then, shaking his head, he let out a quiet laugh, as if you were being ridiculous. “Hm?”

You tilted your head, unconvinced. “Just now. You looked… I don’t know. Sad.”

He exhaled, glancing away, his fingers moving to toy with the edge of the sheet draped over your waist. “Nothing’s wrong. I just— I like talking to you, that’s all.”

Your heart softened at that, but still, something didn’t sit right.

“Jake,” you pressed, shifting to prop yourself up on one elbow. “It’s nearly two in the morning. Aren’t you tired too?”

A pause. Then, finally, “Yeah… Yeah honey I'm tired too. Let's get some rest.”

The hesitation in his voice made your stomach twist. You reached for his face without thinking, cupping his cheek so he couldn’t look away. “What is it?”

Jake looked embarrassed. He rubbed at the back of his neck, his gaze flickering downward. “I, uh… I just can’t sleep… sometimes.”

Your brow furrowed. “Can’t sleep?”

He nodded faintly, “I um… it’s like insomnia.”

Your heart squeezed. “Oh, Jake…”

“It’s not a big deal,” he rushed to add, giving you a small, almost sheepish smile. “I’ve had it forever. I’m used to it.”

But that didn’t make you feel any better. You thought back to all the times he’d answered your late-night calls without hesitation, how you’d never once considered that maybe he wasn’t just being sweet— maybe he simply couldn’t sleep.

And now, knowing that, you couldn’t just curl up and drift off in his arms, not when he would be lying awake beside you for hours.

You could feel the steady rise and fall of his chest, his fingers still trailing over your back in those slow, absentminded patterns, like he was soothing you, not the other way around. You swallowed the guilt pressing against your ribs and whispered, “How long have you had it?”

Jake huffed out a small breath, not quite a laugh, not quite a sigh. “A while,” he admitted. His voice was low, like he didn’t want to wake the night any more than necessary. “Since I was a kid, I think. Some nights are better than others.”

You tilted your head, peering up at him in the dim glow of the streetlight slipping through the curtains. His face was soft in the quiet, but there was something there, just beneath the surface— something that made your chest ache.

Still, he saw the look on your face and huffed out a soft laugh, pressing his forehead against yours. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Feel bad about it.” He kissed the corner of your mouth, then your cheek, his voice dropping to a whisper. “Go to sleep, sweetheart. I’m okay.”

You wanted to protest, wanted to insist that it wasn’t fair for you to rest while he suffered in silence. But the warmth of his arms around you, the steady beat of his heart beneath your palm, and the exhaustion tugging at your limbs made it impossible to keep your eyes open much longer.

So, reluctantly, you let yourself drift.

Jake held you close the whole time, staring at the ceiling long after your breathing evened out, long after your fingers, curled lightly against his chest, finally went slack.

Sleep wouldn’t find him for hours. But he didn’t mind so much. Not when you were here.

His arm remained wrapped around you, reveling in the way your weight of you pressed atop his own body. It was comforting, the warmth of you— so close, so trusting— but it didn’t change the fact that sleep wouldn’t come. It never did. And he had stopped expecting it to, a long time ago.

Instead, he let his fingers ghost over your back, slow and absentminded, tracing the curve of your spine like muscle memory. It was a habit by now— something to keep him grounded while the hours stretched thin around him.

He thought about how you had noticed the brief flicker of hesitation he thought he had hidden. You, who had asked— not just out of curiosity, but because you cared. And worse, you had looked at him like that, all soft eyed and concerned, like it actually hurt you to know he struggled with something he had long since accepted as part of himself.

He exhaled slowly, careful not to disturb you. The last thing he wanted was for you to lose sleep over him.

The morning came slow, soft, golden. Sunlight stretched lazily through the curtains, casting gentle streaks of warmth across the sheets, and for the first time in a long time, Jake let himself pretend.

He stayed still, eyes shut, letting the illusion of rest settle over him, breathing in sync with yours. Maybe if he lay there long enough, if he kept himself tucked against you like this, he could convince himself he had actually slept more than two hours. Maybe he could convince you.

But then you stirred.

A slow, sleepy inhale, your body shifting slightly against his. He felt the way your fingers flexed against his skin, the way your leg slid between his like you were instinctively trying to tangle yourself with him. And then— just as he knew you would— the first thing out of your mouth was a drowsy, mumbled, “How did you sleep?”

Jake’s throat tightened. He could lie. He wanted to lie, just to keep you from looking at him the way you had last night, eyes big and worried, like you were about to declare war on every sleepless night he had ever endured.

But instead, he gave you a small, guilty smile, fingers threading lazily through your hair. “Same as usual.”

You frowned, barely awake, but still alert enough to catch the thread of guilt woven through his voice. “Jake…”

“Mmm.” He hummed against your temple, voice slow and drowsy, like he could fool you into thinking he was just as groggy as you were. You weren’t buying it.

“You didn’t sleep at all?” you pressed, rubbing slow circles against his chest with your thumb. His skin was warm beneath your palm, his heartbeat steady, but there was a quiet tension in the way he held you, a stiffness in his limbs that told you his body hadn’t truly rested.

Jake sighed, a soft huff against your hair. “I slept a little,” he assured, but the look on your face was anything but. “I told you, baby. It’s normal.”

Normal. As if lying awake for hours while the rest of the world drifted peacefully into dreams was just something he had accepted as part of his life. The thought made your chest ache.

You shifted onto your elbow, propping yourself up so you could get a better look at him. The morning light cast a soft glow over his face, catching in the stray hairs that had fallen across his forehead. His eyes were tired but still so unbearably warm when they met yours, like he would rather focus on you than the exhaustion weighing down his own body.

You reached up, brushing the hair from his face. “Why didn’t you wake me up?”

Jake blinked, as if the thought had never even crossed his mind. “So you could be tired too?” He scoffed lightly, shaking his head. “No way. And I like watching you sleep.”

You rolled your eyes, but your lips twitched. “That’s not creepy at all.”

“It’s not creepy when you’re in love.” His grin was slow, lazy, but it softened just as quickly. “I just like knowing you’re here, that’s all.”

Your stomach fluttered, but you refused to be distracted. “Jake.”

He groaned, clearly sensing another lecture coming. “Sweetheart, it’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” you argued, smoothing your palm over his shoulder. “You can wake me up next time. I mean it.”

Jake exhaled a quiet laugh, shaking his head like you were being ridiculous. “What would you even do, huh? Sing me a lullaby?”

“If that’s what it takes.”

His smile faltered— just for a second. Then, before you could think too much about it, he tugged you back down against his chest, wrapping you up in his warmth. “You’re too good to me,” he murmured, lips brushing your forehead.

You wanted to argue, wanted to tell him that you weren’t being ‘too good’ to him— you just loved him, and loving him meant wanting him to take care of himself, the way he always took care of you. But you could feel the weight of his exhaustion pressing into you, the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath your cheek, and you knew that right now, pushing him would only make him retreat further.

So instead, you sighed, settling against him, letting your fingers trace slow, absentminded shapes over his ribs.

“You know…” you mused, voice softer now, teasing, “If you ever need help tiring yourself out, I can think of a few ways.”

Jake let out a breath of laughter, warm against your skin. “Oh yeah?”

You tilted your head up, chin resting against his chest as you smirked at him. “Mhm. I mean, it might not have worked last night, but I reckon some practice couldn’t hurt.”

He grinned, shaking his head. “You’re terrible.”

“I am.”

His eyes twinkled as he tipped your chin up and kissed you— slow and lazy, like he had all the time in the world.

And maybe, just for a moment, he could forget about the hours he had spent lying awake in the dark. Because right now, the sun was warm, and your body was curled into his, and nothing else really mattered.

Jake’s smirk hadn’t faded, even as you pulled away and flopped back against his chest. His fingers traced lazy shapes against your spine, his warmth seeping into your skin. You could have stayed like that all morning, wrapped in the quiet comfort of him, but your mind was already working— turning over everything he’d just told you.

He had insomnia. He’d had it for years. And yet, he’d never mentioned it. The thought unsettled you more than you wanted to admit.

You propped your chin on his chest, gazing up at him. “Have you ever tried anything for it?”

Jake hummed, his eyes still half-lidded sleepily. “Like what?”

“Like… melatonin? Sleep tea? Sleep music? Therapy?”

He cracked one eye open, brow lifting. “Therapy?”

You swatted his shoulder. “I mean, if it’s been going on for years, you could at least talk to someone about it.”

Jake snorted. “‘Doctor, I think I’m allergic to sleep.’”

You huffed. “I’m serious, Jake.”

His expression softened at that. He reached up, brushing his fingers along your jaw. “I know, sweetheart.” He exhaled, tilting his head against the pillow. “I don’t know. I’ve never really… done much about it. It’s just how I am.”

But that wasn’t good enough. Not for you.

You pressed your lips together, something determined settling in your chest. If he wasn’t going to take this seriously, you were going to do it for him.

For now, though, you let it drop. You let Jake pull you closer, let him kiss your temple, let him pretend that this was just another morning. But in the back of your mind, a plan was already forming.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚

Later that day, once Jake was off doing whatever the hell the boys did when they claimed they needed ‘artistic excursions’ (Josh’s words, not yours), you curled up on the couch with your laptop.

Insomnia causes. How to sleep better. Chronic sleep deprivation.

You scrolled through page after page, reading everything you could. Some of it was common sense— limit caffeine, stick to a schedule— but some of it made you pause.

Increased anxiety and stress can worsen insomnia. Irregular routines can make it harder for the body to recognise sleep cues.

You chewed your lip, thinking about it. Jake’s life was nothing but irregular routines— late-night shows, unpredictable travel, never knowing where he’d be from one week to the next. No wonder his body had given up on sleep. The more you read, the more determined you became. 

When Jake came back that evening, he barely made it two steps through the door before you ambushed him.

“Alright,” you said, hands on your hips. “We’re fixing your sleep problem.”

Jake blinked at you, then huffed a laugh, shaking his head. “Oh, no.”

“Oh, yes,” you countered, stepping closer. “I did some research—”

“Jesus,” Jake muttered under his breath, rubbing a hand over his face.

“—And I found all kinds of things we can try,” you continued, undeterred. “Herbal teas, magnesium supplements, cutting back on caffeine—”

“Now you’re just attacking my way of life.”

You shot him a look. “I’m serious, Jake.”

His smirk softened. He reached for you, hooking his fingers into the belt loops of your jeans and tugging you closer. “I know, baby,” he murmured. “And I love you for it. But I don’t think this is something you can fix overnight. ” He raised a brow, “... no pun intended.”

You deflated slightly, because— eah, he was right. But that didn’t mean you weren’t going to try.

You sighed, resting your hands against his chest. “Will you at least try some of it?”

Jake studied you for a moment, then exhaled, nodding. “Alright, sweetheart. We’ll try.”

You smiled, feeling victorious.

He shook his head, pressing a kiss to your forehead. “God help me.”

The first week, it was tea.

You had read somewhere— one of the many articles you had frantically scoured— that chamomile, valerian root, and lavender were supposed to help with sleep. So, naturally, you stocked up on every sleepy-time blend the grocery store had to offer, piling them onto the kitchen counter with the determination of a woman on a mission.

Jake sat at the table, watching with an amused but patient expression as you rummaged through the boxes. “So… which potion do I get tonight, Doctor?”

You shot him a look, tossing a box of chamomile tea in his direction. “This one’s supposed to be the best.”

He caught it with one hand, glancing at the label. “Mmm. Flowers and dirt. My favorite.”

“Oh, hush,” you scolded, already reaching for the kettle. “You promised we’d try.”

He huffed but didn’t argue, leaning back in his chair as he watched you work. The sound of water bubbling to a boil filled the kitchen, followed by the quiet clink of a spoon as you stirred in a bit of honey, just to soften the taste.

A few minutes later, you set the mug in front of him with a proud smile. “Drink up.”

Jake lifted a brow but obligingly wrapped his hands around the warm ceramic. He took a sip, paused, then grimaced slightly. “Tastes like… grass.”

You rolled your eyes, taking the seat beside him. “It’s tea, Jake.”

He exhaled through his nose, shaking his head before taking another sip. This time, he didn’t complain.

Later that night, curled up in bed beside him, you watched his face carefully. He had been quiet since finishing his tea, the usual restlessness in his body dampened slightly. It felt promising, but you wouldn’t celebrate just yet.

Your eyes grew heavy as you waited, the warmth of the blankets lulling you into a soft haze. You fought against the pull of sleep, wanting to make sure it worked for him, but the weight of exhaustion settled over you like a thick, drowsy fog.

You didn’t remember closing your eyes, and you didn’t remember shifting closer, your body naturally seeking out his warmth. 

But Jake did. Because as you fell asleep beside him, his mind still hummed, still restless. The tea had taken the edge off, maybe, but not enough. He lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet rhythm of your breathing as his fingers drummed idly against his stomach.

Each night following was the same.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚

Week two was white noise.

You had read about it in a sleep forum— something about how consistent background sound could soothe the brain, help it settle. You weren’t entirely convinced, but you were willing to try anything.

So, armed with your phone and a playlist of carefully curated ambient sounds, you climbed into bed beside Jake, pressing play on a loop of gentle rain sounds.

The soft patter of droplets filled the room, blending with the hum of the fan overhead. You nestled into the pillows, the sound already making your body feel heavier. “Better?”

Jake was silent for a long moment, staring at the ceiling.

Then, finally: “I feel like I’m in a sad indie movie.”

You snorted. “Shhh. You’re supposed to be relaxed.”

He huffed out a quiet laugh, but he didn’t argue. Instead, he closed his eyes, letting the sound of artificial rain wash over him.

For a while, you thought it might actually work. His breathing deepened, his body growing heavier against the mattress. You let yourself relax, curling into the warmth of the blankets, waiting for sleep to claim you both.

And it did. For you, at least.

Because while you drifted off— easily, effortlessly— Jake’s mind refused to quiet. The rain sounds were nice, sure. Almost comforting. But still, his fingers twitched against the sheets, his body unable to fully surrender.

He glanced over at you, fast asleep beside him, curled into the blankets like you had done this a thousand times before.

With a sigh, he turned back to the ceiling, drumming his fingers against his stomach.

Every night that week was painfully similar. This one was a bust, too.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚

Week three was melatonin.

You had done the research, read through every study you could find, and even consulted a pharmacist at the store before tossing a bottle into your cart. It was supposed to help regulate sleep cycles, trick the brain into winding down properly. You handed Jake a small, white tablet with a hopeful look.

"Natural sleep hormone," you explained as he examined it between his fingers. "Your body makes this already, so it's just… a little boost."

Jake rolled it around in his palm before flicking his eyes up to meet yours. "You really thought of everything."

You crossed your arms. "I told you, I'm taking this seriously."

With an indulgent sigh, he popped the tablet into his mouth, washing it down with a sip of water. "Alright, let's see if it does anything."

You nodded, satisfied, and climbed into bed beside him. As always, you waited. You curled up, watching him with quiet determination, searching for any signs that it was working.

Your own body betrayed you first. Within minutes of being curled up beside him, your limbs felt heavier, your thoughts slower. Your blinks stretched longer, and soon enough, sleep claimed you before you could even witness whether or not the melatonin worked.

Jake, as usual, remained awake. He felt a bit sluggish, sure, a little hazy around the edges. But sleep still eluded him. He lay there, fingers idly tracing patterns over his stomach, listening to the even sound of your breathing as you slept soundly beside him.

He sighed, shaking his head to himself, convinced that he must just be broken.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚

There were other things you tried—over weeks— magnesium supplements, blue light blockers, guided meditation. Each remedy was met with Jake’s willing cooperation and your hopeful determination. Some nights, you sat up in bed, reading articles in the dim glow of your phone while Jake humored your efforts beside you.

But none of them worked. Not really. And after weeks of watching him run on empty, it started to wear on you.

One evening, as he sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, you moved closer, settling yourself between his legs. Gently, your thumbs brushed over the dark circles beneath his eyes, smoothing over the delicate skin.

His hands dropped to his lap, his tired eyes meeting yours.

"You look exhausted," you murmured, voice softer than you meant it to be.

Jake exhaled, tipping his head slightly into your touch. "I do sleep," he assured you. "Even if it's just a little."

You didn’t look convinced. Your thumbs traced over his cheekbones, lingering at the corners of his eyes. "When are you actually going to go to the doctor for this?"

Jake sighed, already shaking his head. "Sweetheart—"

"I'm serious," you pushed, sitting up straighter. "They could prescribe you something. Real medication. Something that actually works."

But Jake just leaned back slightly, running a hand through his hair. "I don't want to be medicated. I can deal just fine."

You frowned. "Why not?"

"I just don’t," he said, shaking his head again. "I don’t want to rely on something like that."

Your heart clenched at his stubbornness. You felt helpless, like you'd tried everything and still hadn't come close to fixing it. And maybe that was the part that hurt the most— knowing that, no matter how much you cared, no matter how much effort you put in, you couldn't help him.

Jake saw it in your eyes, the way you dropped your hands from his face, defeated. He exhaled, reaching for you, fingers wrapping gently around your wrists. "Hey," he murmured, voice softer now. "I'm okay."

"You’re not, though," you whispered.

"I am," he insisted, squeezing your hands. "I promise. It’s just how I am, baby. It’s okay for me."

You wanted to argue, to tell him it wasn’t okay, that he deserved to rest, to sleep, to not feel like this all the time. But the way he looked at you, the quiet plea in his eyes— it stopped you. He wasn’t just saying it to make you feel better. He meant it. And for now, you had to accept that.

So instead of fighting, instead of pushing the issue further, you leaned in, resting your forehead against his. Jake sighed, his hands slipping from your wrists to your waist, pulling you closer. The warmth of him, the steady weight of his hands, made something in you soften.

You let yourself relax into him, let your lips brush against his without thinking.

His breath hitched, and then he was kissing you—slow at first, unhurried, like he was grounding himself in the feel of you. But soon, his grip tightened, and the exhaustion in his body was replaced by something else entirely. The shift was gradual, a slow-burning need that deepened with every touch. He moved with purpose, with reverence, his hands tracing over you like he was committing every inch to memory.

The world melted away.

It was always like this with Jake— sweet, unrushed, as if time itself bent around the way he loved you. He kissed you through it, whispered against your skin, held you like you were something sacred. Until all that was left was tangled limbs, quiet breaths, and the warmth of him wrapped around you.

After your unintentional detour, your body felt warm and spent, your skin still humming with the aftershocks of pleasure. Usually, you were the one curling into him, pressing your face into the crook of his neck, sighing as his arms wrapped around you.

But tonight, Jake was the one seeking you out.

He shifted, his body draping over yours, heavy and boneless with exhaustion. His face pressed against your bare chest, breath warm against your skin. His arm slid around your waist, holding you in place as if he needed the anchor.

You let out a breathy laugh, fingers finding their way into his hair, slightly damp with sweat. "Well, this is new," you mused, voice still thick with satisfaction.

Jake made a small noise in response— something between a hum and a grunt, his lips barely moving.

You smirked, twirling a strand of his hair between your fingers. "If I didn’t know any better, I'd say you just wanted to use my tits as a pillow."

His grip on your waist tightened slightly. "Best damn pillow I’ve ever had," he murmured against your skin, voice muffled.

You rolled your eyes, still smiling, and let your fingers glide through his hair again. He sighed at the feeling, his entire body seeming to melt into you.

Then— softly, almost involuntarily— he let out a low moan.

You blinked down at him. "Did you just moan?"

Jake huffed a breath, but didn’t lift his head. "Shuddup,” he muttered. “Just… feels really good.”

Your lips curled in amusement. You continued, dragging your fingers through the thick waves, nails grazing lightly against his scalp. His body softened even further, the tension he always seemed to carry dissipating bit by bit. His breaths grew slower, deeper, the warmth of him sinking into you.

For a moment, you just enjoyed the quiet, the slow rise and fall of his chest, the feel of his fingers resting at your hip. But after a while, your mind wandered.

"Hey," you murmured, still carding your fingers through his hair. "Do you ever think about what you'd be doing if you weren’t, like... a musician?"

Jake made a noise that might’ve been an attempt at words, but it came out garbled against your skin.

You laughed. "I’ll take that as a no."

He shifted slightly, his lips brushing against your sternum as he finally answered. "Haven’t really thought about it. This was always it for me."

You nodded, continuing your slow strokes through his hair. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense. You all seemed like you were meant for it."

"Mhm," he hummed.

You let your head fall back against the pillow, staring at the ceiling, your hand twirling lazily through his locks. "I feel like I could’ve gone into something completely different. Like... some kind of research job or something. Something boring and stable. Or maybe I would’ve just ended up as a professional cat lady. Could've been my calling."

Jake huffed against your skin, his lips twitching into a lazy smirk. "Still could be."

You grinned. "Yeah, if you ever get sick of me, I’ll just adopt seventeen cats and disappear into the woods."

"Sounds peaceful," he murmured.

"Right?" You sighed dramatically, fingers continuing to drag lazily across his scalp. "I’d live off the land too.”

Jake hummed, but it was quieter this time, slower.

“I’d grow my own vegetables, make my own soap—"

"Soap?" Jake mumbled, his voice thick with exhaustion.

You ignored his skepticism and kept going. "Yeah, like those little artisanal bars with the dried flowers in them. I’d sell them at a farmers’ market. Maybe start making candles, too. Oh! And I could do those shaped candles that look like things. Like bodies or ropes, or just cool shapes, like the ones we saw at that small-business festival. Remember the one?"

You waited for a response, still threading your fingers through Jake’s hair, the strands slightly damp beneath your touch. The room was quiet except for the soft rustling of the sheets and the steady sound of his breathing. You expected a hum, a lazy murmur in response, maybe even the faint press of his lips against your skin. But nothing came.

"Jake?" you whispered, barely above a breath, glancing down.

He didn’t answer. His face remained nestled against your chest, the warmth of his exhales brushing softly over your skin. His arm, once wrapped securely around your waist, had gone completely slack, fingers no longer tracing idle patterns into your hip. Even his legs, usually curled slightly or shifting restlessly, were still, his entire body draped over yours with a weight that felt heavier than usual.

A soft, almost imperceptible snore filled the space between you. You blinked.

It took a second for the realization to fully hit you— he was asleep. Actually, truly, deeply asleep. Not the restless kind where his breath hitched and his fingers twitched, where his body always seemed braced for some invisible disruption. No, this was different. This was undisturbed, absolute, the kind of sleep you had never seen take him before.

All those nights of trying— melatonin, herbal teas, white noise, magnesium, even those ridiculous blue light glasses you had insisted on. None of it had worked. Every remedy had been met with the same inevitable outcome: him lying awake, hours passing like sand slipping through his fingers. And yet, here he was, out cold, wrapped around you like you were the key to some elusive, unsolvable puzzle.

Shaking your head, you smoothed your hand over his back again, barely brushing your fingertips along his spine. He didn’t stir. His breath remained slow, deep, steady.

Jake slept deeply, the kind of sleep you had only ever wished for him, the kind he had convinced himself he wasn’t capable of. His breath fanned warm against your skin, steady and slow, his lashes resting dark against the curve of his cheek. You couldn’t help but watch him, memorizing every little shift in his expression, every flicker of movement as he lay draped across you.

Even in sleep, he had his little habits—his fingers twitched slightly where they rested against your ribs, like they were searching for the strings of a guitar, and his lips pursed the way it always did when he was deep in thought. His lips parted slightly, breath slipping out in soft exhales, and once in a while, his nose would scrunch up, as though reacting to a dream he wasn’t quite awake enough to register.

Your fingers idly traced the slope of his shoulder, skimming over the ridges of his spine, and he responded instinctively, burrowing impossibly closer. His nose nudged at your collarbone and your heart clenched.

Jake Kiszka, the man who never stopped moving, who was all restless energy and sharp wit, who carried the weight of sleepless nights and endless thoughts— he was still, finally, in your arms. His body was loose, his breathing deep, his face soft in a way you had never seen before.

You swallowed past the lump in your throat and smoothed your hand over his hair, nails scratching lightly against his scalp. He let out a quiet, contented hum in response, his fingers flexing against your skin before going slack again.

God, he was beautiful.

Not just in the way the dim light kissed the high points of his face, or in the way his locks splayed messily over your chest, but in the way he let himself be held. In the way he had finally given in, trusted you enough to let go.

You pressed another kiss into his hair, lingering there for a moment, breathing him in.

"Sleep well, love."

Jake didn’t stir, just sighed softly in his sleep, and you smiled, feeling warmth bloom deep in your chest.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚

The first thing Jake registered when he woke was warmth. A deep, encompassing warmth that cradled him in a way he hadn’t felt in years. The second was the gentle weight of your hand still buried in his hair, fingers lax but present, like you had never moved throughout the night.

His lashes fluttered against his cheeks as he stirred, shifting just slightly, and it took him a second to process the way his body felt— heavy, but not in the way exhaustion usually weighed him down. No, this was different. His limbs were languid, his head light, his mind free from the usual fog of a sleepless night.

He blinked, adjusting to the soft morning glow filtering through the curtains, and then—

His lips brushed against skin. Warm, soft skin.

Jake let out a slow, contented hum, the ghost of a smirk tugging at his lips as realisation set in. His face was still pressed against your chest, right where he had fallen asleep, and now that he was aware of it, he wasn’t exactly in a hurry to move.

His cheek brushed against your softened nipple as he tilted his head to see if you were awake. You were– just barely. A sleepy chuckle rumbled in his throat as he exhaled, voice still rough from sleep. “Not a bad view to wake up to.”

Your only response was a drowsy sigh, your fingers twitching slightly in his hair. He took a moment to take in the soft rise and fall of your chest, the way your features were still heavy with sleep. You looked peaceful— so peaceful that for a moment, he simply watched, letting himself drink in the sight of you like a man starved.

Then, after a few more heartbeats, he murmured, “What remedy did we do last night again?”

Your brows knit slightly, still hovering somewhere between sleep and wakefulness. “Hm?”

Jake sighed dramatically, stretching slightly before settling back against you. “Which remedy did you use? Because whatever the hell it was, it worked.”

That seemed to rouse you fully. You blinked down at him, lips curling into a slow, knowing smile. “Didn’t use one last night. I think Baby just likes his hair played with,” you teased.

Jake smiled bashfully, but his brow furrowed, and you could practically see the cogs turning in his head as he processed that. His fingers absently traced lazy shapes against your ribs, his mind catching up to the fact that, for the first time in ages, he had actually fallen— and stayed— asleep.

His voice was quieter when he spoke again, more contemplative. “I don’t think I even moved all night.”

“No,” you confirmed softly. “You fell asleep like this… and woke up like this.”

Jake exhaled slowly, like the weight of that realization was settling deep in his bones. Then, after a beat—“Are you sure it wasn’t just the boobs?”

You let out a breathy laugh, swatting lightly at his shoulder. “Jake.”

“I mean, you can’t rule it out.”

You rolled your eyes, but your amusement was evident, and Jake grinned lazily before nuzzling back into you, like he had no intention of moving anytime soon.

But underneath the teasing, you could tell he was thinking about it. About how much sleep he had gotten, and about how rare that was. And so were you.

Because every night from then on, it was the same. Whether he was curled into you or you into him, your hand would be in his hair, fingers carding gently through the strands, nails gentle running over his skin. And every night, he slept. Not just light, restless dozing— but real, deep sleep.

⋆.˚ ☾⭒.˚

Tag List: @frogkiszka @hailtheaeon @allof--mylove @scarabsinthestardust @musicislove3389 @lightsofthe-living-gvf

April 24th 2026, cabin outside Bretton Woods

___

Jake used to hate waking up before sunrise. To be fair, it almost never happened anyway. Ever since his late teens, he had been deliberately trying to avoid it, and for a reason. The minutes before dawn used to feel cold and dreary, almost oppressive. His wandering mind just couldn’t attune to how time seemed to slow down right before everything came back to life. 

He had no idea how it started and why, always just attributing it to being a night owl and leaving it at that. 

It was different with sunsets… and all those hours that came after that. Jake had learned to love the stillness of the night. The music always sounded different, more acute and intense. His own thoughts made sense in the dark. Maybe that’s exactly why he didn’t want to witness the end of it. As soon as the birds started chirping, singing their own song to greet the sun, he suddenly felt ill at ease. It was his cue to close his eyes at last and sleep through the moment. 

Veela changed that. 

She’d been doing that gradually at first. Intentionally, no doubt, and with the subtlety of someone who wants you to think you’re still in charge while the very opposite is true. 

It started well back in Copenhagen, when she’d sneak out of their hotel room disgustingly early (to his standards) to go buy coffee and kanelsnegls while Jake was still fast asleep, and then she’d teasingly eat the pastry and drink the fragrant caramel latte right in bed right next to Jake just to make the mouth-watering smell rouse him too. 

At first Jake stubbornly tried to fight that, but Veela soon learned to call his bluff when he only pretended to be still asleep. And then, as soon as he dared to open one eye, she gave him a cute little lecture as to why it was essential for him to attune to her own circadian rhythm. 

Because – she said – if they were bound to live together, they really had to share those moments together. Jake couldn’t really argue with that, even if she let him. Veela was just as stubborn, but also often much more fiery when it came to her ‘truths’. Also, the real meaning behind her words melted his heart. He just let her rant about that, sympathetically nodding every now and then. Jake’s sleeping habits were clearly one of her strongest pet peeves, but whatever made her forget about the real issues for a while and focus just on the two of them was good. 

So she went on and on about how she had already made the compromise of waiting until the sun was already high up in the sky, which meant she had to lie in bed completely awake for more than two hours. And that was a torture – she said – what with her own inner clock set to “wake up when the cock crows”. At first Jake misheard her, which nearly cost him his life as the coffee went down the wrong pipe. 

With a mixture of confusion and horror in her eyes, Neszka gave him a few back blows before she finally realized what she’d just said and how it actually sounded. And then she started laughing. 

It sounded like the most beautiful song to him and she looked the most beautiful like that. Even though still coughing and with his eyes watering, Jake just couldn’t stop watching her. 

Those days back in Europe were filled with many more equally precious moments – tiny promises of a better future – before reality hit again, sending them back to where they had started. During those days that followed, Jake stopped sleeping late on his own, not as a result of her previous efforts, but because he simply couldn’t rest unless it was with her in his arms. He kept replaying her laughter in his head to keep himself going on during the waking hours. 

None of it really stopped him from disliking early mornings, though. Despite Jake’s subconscious worries that just made him more alert, and Veela’s previous efforts to alter his habits, now hindered by jet-lag and her mental breakdown, everything really changed just last night after the fated drunk fuck that almost destroyed all their previous efforts to find a genuine way to each other.

At first he woke up unexpectedly early, confused and disoriented after they had ended up doing god knows what and then crashing out god knows when. Most importantly, he was alone.

Drunkenness never granted Jake a good night’s sleep, but this was still unusual, as if some secret force told him she needed him, urging him to open his eyes and go find her crying on the bathroom floor. 

Jake could barely remember the sex. Only the indisputable smell of her still lingering right under his nose gave him a first clue as to what had happened. Judging from what Veela said when they were kneeling there on the cold tiles, her own recollections of the previous evening were even hazier. She blamed her fresh tears on having had too much, but the hangover was largely emotional. She didn’t have to say a thing; he knew that just from looking at her. 

Half an hour later and back in bed, Jake managed to lull her back to sleep just when the fading darkness started to uncover the shapes of furniture… and her. And he didn’t mind. Suddenly, he didn’t want to miss it. She was like a chimera that finally materialized and reluctantly became part of his world. It was no longer just a bad dream featuring the girl he had thought he’d never have. He could touch her now. He had touched her, and kept doing so… even though every single step forward was still accompanied with reluctance and apprehension. Yet it had a strange appeal to it. 

And so the steely dimness didn’t seem to hurt his eyes anymore. Suddenly, the metallic-tone light of the approaching dawn seemed very welcome as he watched her dark blue silhouette emerging from the previous inky darkness. 

Once again, she appeared to be almost out of this world. Jake could spend hours just watching her. It was fatigue and his own nauseating hangover that made him close them eventually. 

And then she disappeared for the second time that morning, leaving her side of the bed once again left cold and empty when he stirred again. It was actually almost noon, and this time she was nowhere to be found. 

Took his car keys, left no message. 

Jake panicked, cursing himself for oversleeping that impending disaster. 

‘Jake,  is there a reason why… why this should be concerning?’ Jake could barely hear Josh on the phone because of the previously uttered words that kept replaying in his own head. 

“You’re such an asshole!”“And you’re bitch. We’re even.” 

Despite all the other seemingly good things that had happened in the past few days, this was suddenly all he could remember. Of course it was concerning, given the circumstantial fragility of their budding relationship. Jake was just still reluctant to openly admit his own part in it. 

As he was standing in that oppressively silent room, reaching out to the only person who he could think of while at the same time reluctant to talk to him about it, Veela’s departure seemed permanent for a split second. It made no sense, and at the same time, he found himself to have been dreading it all that time. 

She had nowhere to go, except one infinitely dark place… and just thinking about that possibility felt like being gutted alive. 

Threatening to become his greatest personal failure yet. 

And then she was suddenly back, drenched in rain and full of promises she finally swore to keep. Having slept late turned out to be sort of a blessing after all – as Jake had mercifully missed all those hours of her being gone, and so he spent only several minutes in that panicked state, even though it still felt like a lifetime. 

“I want to do it again,” she said while trying to quench his understandable anger, with her face full of worry, apprehension and hope. “I’m sorry I scared you. I love you. I really do. Take me. Make me yours, sweet Jake.”

And he did. Properly this time. And repeatedly. And then he almost fucked it all up again. 

It’s safe to say it was quite an eventful day, unexpectedly full of sex, and unsurprisingly ending in yet another fight and more shared tears. More shared words, too. Those were all painful, but necessary steps. Opening up to each other, even though it was surprisingly hard to do. They once again fell asleep way too early to his standards, seemingly ok and finally reconciled.

However, with a woman such as her, you never know whether things are truly ok,  even when she holds you tight. 

The memory of it all disturbed Jake’s sleep yet again way too soon.

So as soon as his eyes opened on their own, his heart jumped to his throat and he started groping around in the darkness. It was still too early for the sun to light up the horizon, but the birds outside already started greeting it. Jake’s chest tightened instinctively after all the previous experience. However, this time, she was there, roused from her own shallow sleep and positively alarmed by his sudden charge. 

“Jake? Złotko, what happened?” she whispered, instinctively turning towards him. They couldn’t really see each other yet, but that only made them more perceptive to the touch. The seclusion of the cabin offered this rare nocturnal experience that heightened other senses. 

It was… nice. 

“Are you ok?” she tried again, this time a bit more loudly. The sound of her voice, a bit husky this early in the morning, calmed him down almost instantly. 

Jake didn’t respond, at least not with words. Instead, he accepted her tender offer to snuggle closer to her and buried his face at the small of her neck, inhaling the soft scent of her warmed-up skin. Even though she had urged him to let go and just be himself, willingly showing signs of weakness still didn’t feel like an option. 

Veela seemed to know. “I’m here,” she mumbled.

Stating the obvious, but also addressing his greatest fear, now that she finally knew what it was. None of it mattered any longer as long as she was lying next to him. The atmosphere changed, the birdsong outside the open window turned to a pleasant ambient tune the moment her warm hand found his bare hip under the comforter and started stroking it lazily. 

A seemingly innocent gesture, but also way too close to the danger zone. It seemed like a very deliberate choice on her part. A fucking siren striking again. 

It was the first night they slept completely naked like that, and Jake was still getting used to it. After all those months of pining, there were finally no restraints. Anything could happen now, all the things he’d been imagining for so long, yet all he wanted at that particular moment was to continue exploring this new kind of serene closeness. 

He had held her tight before, always wondering if that was really what she wanted. Now that she pressed her warm body to his with fresh urgency and wrapped her arms around him, Jake finally gave in to the luxury of worrying no more. The feeling covered him like a cooling balm to soothe an irritated skin. 

Still barely awake, Veela rubbed her cheek against his like a cuddly cat. “I love you,” she whispered right in his ear, and giggled mischievously when she felt his response under the comforter, immediately remembering her late grandmother's words. ‘Men are simple creatures.’ 

“Who would have thought you’re such a hopeless romantic,” she added, her voice still laced with tease.

No shit. The first time they met, he was anything but. Deliberately. Who would have thought that Jake’d ever reveal this particular part of himself to her one day. And who would have thought he’d ever feel so at peace at such an ungodly hour… all because of her. 

Jake loved the change. It was a brand new day… and it would be a long one, so no need to rush it, he thought. They shared a few warm closed-lip kisses before he slipped into blissful semiconsciousness as the darkness began to fade behind his closed eyelids. 

Jake probably dozed off a bit, but not enough to miss when she silently got up from the bed and sneaked out of the room. He listened closely to the sound of running water coming from the bathroom, soon replaced by the clinking sound of dishware and the clapping of her footsteps on the wooden floor. His mind immediately wandered off and he could hear new, inspired tunes inside his head. 

Maybe he should have gotten out of bed as well… to write it down, or just to check on her like he’d often done. But Jake was in no hurry all of the sudden. The scent of her lingered in the air long after he left the room, lulling him into believing that this could be for good. 

A few minutes later – or maybe an hour, who knows… – he felt the mattress behind him dip, followed by her gentle, teasing kisses on his neck. “Mmm, what?”

“Breakfast,” she mumbled and bit his earlobe, making Jake smile in response with his eyes still mostly closed. He turned on his back, giving her a better access and relishing in the simple pleasure of feeling her hand slide down his bare chest. The smell of freshly brewed coffee and melted butter invaded his nostrils, but the previous restraints were suddenly gone and he had something else on his mind. Food could wait.

“‘S’dat so?” Jake opened one eye and grabbed her wrist, tugging at it gently in an attempt to pull her down on him, but Veela resisted. She straightened up on her knees and pouted, but it was a transparently half-hearted defiance. A ridiculously see-through teasing. Playing coy had never been her forte, and with the previous mental inhibitions gone, he could see the hunger in her eyes quite clearly now. “Yeah, crepes. With raspberry jam. We should really eat them while they’re still warm,” she replied. It didn’t sound convincing at all. 

And sure enough, before Jake could even retort, she leaned down again to attack his lips with her own. He kept them self-consciously pressed together, suddenly also painfully aware of his full bladder… and the inevitable consequences. Still, he couldn’t help but smile when Veela slid her hand under the comforter to investigate. With her open mouth now once again attached to the tender skin under his left earlobe, he had to bite his lip to stifle a moan. “Are you so happy to see me or is it just a… how do you call it…,” she mumbled before darting the tip of her tongue out to play with his earring. 

“Morning wood,” Jake breathed out with growing embarrassment. She already smelled so good, like ice cream and roses. Her freshly brushed dark hair cascaded down on him like a silk curtain, partially obscuring his view. This sudden effort to act like a truly newlywed wife didn’t go unnoticed, and it made Jake’s heart swell… together with other parts that were already way ahead. “And… both… babe. Just… gimme a moment.”

“Aaaah,” she exhaled dramatically and bit his shoulder. “And I thought you desired me.” She also cupped his balls with her palm and feigned a sniff, making him both gasp and let out an amused huff in rapid succession.  

Jake tried to wriggle out of her grasp, rolling on top of her and virtually straddling her in the process. However, Veela wouldn’t give up so easily. She started tickling his sides, so Jake had to grab her wrists and pin her arms above her head. “You stay here!” He pointed his finger at her playfully, almost touching the tip of her nose. Again, who would have thought that he’d ever enjoy being silly in bed, but it was suddenly so easy with someone who could really see you. She watched, laughing playfully, as he scrambled out of the bed in haste, almost tripping on a creased carpet. “I mean it!” he added when he regained his balance and turned around towards her in a theatrical gesture, now laughing with her. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Jake.”

The sudden somber tone of her voice hit him like a gust of wind, but he was already out the door. So, thankfully, Veela couldn’t see his reaction. 

She kept her word, and when Jake returned back to the bedroom sufficiently refreshened, he found her hiding under the comforter, already naked. Still playing some sort of a game, she had her back turned to the door and him. Eyes closed as if asleep. Only her foot, partially peeping from under the comforter and nervously ticking, gave her away. That woman simply couldn’t wait. Jake smiled to himself and swiftly climbed into the bed to join her. 

“Hi…,” he whispered while running his fingertips down her arms. Veela chuckled again, with her eyes crinkled with amusement as she turned around and met his gaze, but the velvety tone of her voice once again gave away her growing anticipation when she replied: “Hi.” Her lips were already parted and slightly pouty. They were done teasing, the atmosphere shifted, and Jake needed no further invitation.

“I think I owe you this.” Before Veela could ask what he meant, Jake cupped her cheek and kissed her deeply. Her body responded immediately, arching her back to press her body to his completely. 

They wrapped their arms around each other. Veela’s skin felt so warm in contrast to his own, cooled down by the cold, crisp air in the cabin. Jake could feel her shiver, unsure if it was because of that or just the growing thrill. His own heart was beating wildly now. The idea of her being finally completely his was still so completely new and fresh and exciting that he felt like an unseasoned boy again. He liked the dizzying feeling or adrenaline rushing through your veins, just like when you get onstage all nervous and worried, only to find out everyone already sings along. 

Jake ran his hand through Veela’s hair and cupped the back of her head. He had already learned that it was what often set her off, and sure enough, she tensed and shivered again. They licked and moaned into each other’s mouths. 

She spread her legs, already more than ready to welcome him back. Her hand slid down to cup his ass and to urge him to move in between them, but Jake shook his head and broke the kiss. He looked into her eyes, already glossed with lust. 

“Don’t hurry,” he whispered. 

Yesterday had been mostly about quenching both the emotional and physical hunger. And just like yesterday, he couldn’t shake off the feeling she was trying to make up for something. To be giving. To repay him, somehow. Now it was his turn. Now he took his time, eager to trace all his previous steps and to venture even further. Every piece of her flesh was still an unknown button to be pressed, and with no manual. It was his fucking job to write it now. 

Jake started with her cheek, planting a soft kiss there that made her close her eyes and sigh. “Ok…”

This was a pilgrimage, starting at the roots of her hair. He traveled further down her neck, tracing every inch with soft, open mouthed kisses and relishing in how she slowly melted under his touch. 

Veela took this journey with him, tracking the outline of his shoulders with her fingertips, squeezing his biceps when he sucked at the soft skin above her collarbone.

Jake threw the comforter aside impatiently. The cool air immediately gave her goosebumps, but Veela didn’t complain. When he drew a slow, wet circle around her nipple with the tip of his tongue, she arched her back and tilted her head back, letting out a soft moan. Jake hummed in approval as he slid further down to adorn her belly with more kisses. 

He meant every touch to be a band-air for her soul, but the truth is that this was his healing, too. Veela had inadvertently taught him to be present, to stop taking things for granted. He had had to fight for this love, instead of sabotaging everything out of spite and fear. He wanted her to take whatever she wanted. If only she could give the rest away…

“Jake…,” she whimpered when his tongue reached the crease that separated her leg from that cushiony mound. In response, he let his hand slide down her thigh, starting at the bent knee and traveling all the way down to her pussy, this time urging her to open up for him. 

“That’s it, I wanna hear more. Sing for me…,” Jake mumbled before he planted a soft kiss on her now exposed clit. When she did, he rewarded her with pressing his flattened tongue against it completely. It sent a bolt of electricity up her spine, encouraging him to suck the bud in his mouth. 

Jake could feel her trembling fingers brushing over the back of his head and the sudden idea of being completely at her mercy made his head spin, so he reached up to grab her wrist, urging her to entangle her hand in his hair and to hold him down. And she did, unwittingly tightening her grip with every flick of his tongue. It felt exhilarating, but also still a bit dangerous. Before he could fully examine and process his thoughts, she suddenly let go as her thighs started shaking. 

“Jake…,” she repeated. “I… need you.” 

How could he deny her, especially since he too already ached to be inside her. Still in between her legs, Jake climbed up and immediately locked his lips with hers. Veela immediately wrapped her arms and legs around him, possessively pulling him down. The tip of his cock was already brushing against her entrance when he broke the kiss and looked down at her with a smile. 

“Any special wishes?” he asked with a cheeky smirk. 

“Veela just rolled her eyes. “Just do it already.” 

Jake pushed inside with one swift thrust. It was supposed to be a gesture of generous dominance, but his own eagerness and emotional overstimulation betrayed him. She felt so good. Warm and soft and welcoming. He buried his face in her neck and whimpered just when she gasped and then moaned right in his ear. 

He wished he could come up with something clever to say… with some shrewd and romantic response to her clawing at his back that felt almost as if she was gasping for air. But his mind betrayed him. It went completely blank. Veela rolled her hips impatiently and he followed suit, setting a slow, languid pace that allowed him to recover. 

His woman. 

This was his woman!

“Look at me,” she whispered in between moans as if she could read his mind. And when he looked up to look into her eyes, it was really there. Without breaking eye contact, Jake groped around for her palm to press to his. Their fingers intertwined. He held their locked hands down on the pillow next to her head.

Jake kissed her again as he gradually quickened his pace. Their mutual arousal rose like a wave, from pure tenderness to a frenetic thirst and urge to devour each other. Jake’s moves turned to frantic thrusts as the wind coming to them through the still open window cooled his heated body, slick with sweat. He could feel her walls tightening as she was getting closer. Her moans turned to cries. Afraid that Jake himself wouldn’t be able to last much longer, he straightened up on his knees and licked the tip of his thumb before he started to draw circles over her clit. 

The new angle together with new stimulation made Veela tense almost immediately. She grabbed at his chest, clawing into his skin in a desperate need to ground herself. It took him only three more thrusts to make her arch her back and cry out. Without slowing down, Jake fucked her through it, prolonging her tensed state until she collapsed completely, trying to catch her breath. 

She was so tight now. Jake slowed down, already on the verge of his own orgasm, but still conscious enough to search her face for any sign of discomfort. Veela looked up at him with hooded eyes, before she took his hand and sucked his thumb in her mouth, licking off the remains of her release. Just the sight was enough for Jake. 

“You…” was all he could say before he opened his mouth and squeezed his eyes shut. A few seconds later he collapsed on top of her, shuddering. 

Veela’s POV, a few hours later

___

It was a sunny day. The air warmed up just enough for us to be able to stay naked without having to close the windows. 

I wanted it that way. It was kind of frivolous, sexy and freeing. The fresh air was heavily scented with Spring and it filled me with life and perhaps also hope. Still not completely there yet, but it seemed possible. That day I finally felt like a wife. I felt like I no longer had to convince myself that I wasn’t just hurting him with everything I said, did or represented. 

I loved Jake. I had been loving him for quite a while, unsure what to do with it, because I hadn’t been his and he hadn’t been mine. The circumstances couldn’t have been worse, and more confusing, and utterly heart-wrenching. I hadn’t thought and I couldn’t believe I would find so much love within me. They both had to completely ruin me to make me realize that it was possible. 

We didn’t get to eat the crepes and drink the coffee until almost noon. By the time we sat down at the table, dishevelled and wrapped in blankets, they had already turned to rubber. But we ate them anyway. The runny raspberry jam trickled down our fingers and we took turns to lick it off, laughing and teasing each other with sexual innuendos. 

It really was a brand new day. 

We opened a bottle of wine shortly after, and then we snuggled together on the couch with our glasses like a pair of bohemian artists. Well, Jake was one, after all. I was still getting used to the fact. 

Even when completely naked, he was clinking with every move like wind chimes because of his numerous pendants and bracelets. And even though I convinced him to put most of it down in bed, it was all back up the moment he set foot out of the bedroom. No clothes? Fine, great idea actually, but his trinkets were untouchable. 

“It’s like being married to a fortuneteller,” I grumbled earlier that day.

“Eeeh, s’just me, babeh. Like a second shkin,” he crooned in a dramatic, raspy voice while strutting around like a drunken sailor. In my head, I could hear an echo of another husky voice saying ‘just can’t stop being myself, darling,’ but I successfully pushed it to the back of my mind. 

Fast forward a few more hours, I found myself sitting on the couch with Jake’s head in my lap. He had taken just a few sips of the wine before his eyelids started to feel heavy and soon he dozed off while I played with his hair. 

He looked beautiful like that, blessed with an angel face that was no doubt sculpted by god himself to haunt me… and I’m not particularly religious. 

Having finished my third glass, I traced the outline of his profile with my index finger, growing increasingly fond of this version. No, they were not completely the same, I assessed to myself with a new-found peace in my soul. 

Suddenly, he smiled with his eyes still closed and snatched at my fingertip with his teeth. 

“Well, good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty.”

Jake shifted slightly so that he was now lying on his back, and opened one eye to look at me. “What time is it?”

“No idea.” I also didn’t care. I was pleasantly tipsy and I hadn’t felt this calm in months. My eyes wandered to his chest to examine the scratchmarks that had turned a rather violent shade of red. “I’m sorry for this,” I mumbled while running my fingers over the irritated skin. The truth is, I wasn’t sorry at all. 

“Bullshit,” Jake snickered and I just shrugged. There really was no point in trying to play innocent. Suddenly, he wrinkled his brow and cleared his throat.

“What do you like?” Jake looked directly into my eyes and it was pretty obvious what he meant. The sudden question surprised me a bit and I giggled while matching his frown. 

“Why are you asking me this?”

“Why shouldn’t I?” he pouted. “It’s a sensible thing to ask. I mean, you can’t expect me to figure it all out on my own!”

“Why not?” I laughed in earnest this time. “You’ve been doing a pretty good job so far.”

Jake suddenly sat up and reached for his still half full glass of wine previously abandoned on the coffee table, and chugged it down in one go. He also assessed the nearly empty bottle placed right next to it with a raised eyebrow. “I’m flattered, my love. Anyway, I see you’ve been keeping yourself busy while I was knocked out.”

Not busy enough. Instead of retorting, I watched in my lightheaded state how the afternoon sun turned a few strands of his hair gold, and just like the previous evening, it hit me again. My man. Slowly and reluctantly, I was giving myself the permission to entertain that notion. My mind wandered back to his question, suddenly thrilled with the idea that he might want to try it out as soon as possible. Immediately, if possible. As our chemistry teacher used to say, ‘theories lead, trials decide’... “I’ve always been quite fond of being on my knees.”

I loved the way he rubbed his lower lip with his thumb when intrigued. “Really! And what does that mean?”

I stretched my arms above my head in a catlike manner, pondering how to play this. There were still quite a few things I hadn’t done yet, and I was just as eager to learn everything about him and to taste all of him. Literally. 

I started with what I thought was an innocent smile. “Quite a few things. Why don’t you stand up and let me show you…”

“Oh no no no,” Jake protested, although I could already see how his mind screamed ‘hell yes.’ “Not what I asked for. Don’t try to turn the tables. Nah, not interested in that.” He pointed his finger at me in a quasi-berating gesture that only emboldened me. I knew what he meant, and it was actually pretty sweet, but no one is ever going to doubt my talents. 

“Yes, you are,” I countered and teasingly licked my upper lip. “Believe me. Also, you asked me what I like… and it so happens that I love having my throat fucked. And I really can’t wait any longer. So, please, stand up.” 

Suddenly looking a bit stunned, Jake did as I said and as the blanket slid down on the floor, I could see that I wasn’t the only one eager to put things into practice. “That was quick, for someone who complained about being old the other day,” I pouted in appreciation. 

“I’m not that old, woman. Now show me what you got.” 

Well, that was it for making love. We had taken our sweet time earlier in the morning, but neither of us could run solely on sugar. I had yet to show him all my facets and flavours. 

Jake pushed the table aside with his leg, ignoring the bottle that nearly got knocked over. I slid down on my knees in front of him and looked up, searching his face for what I hoped to see. 

And it was there. Jake’s eyes darkened when they met mine. He had been walking on eggshells in front of me most of the time during the past month, but I had already learned about his other side before, and I would be a terrible liar if I said that I had never been attracted to that smug asshole. I had already lied to him about it in the past, and it never did us any good. 

I was also yearning to rediscover myself. To show him that I was more than just a tearful, wounded stray he had to nurse. “Don’t hold back, because I won’t,” I said, planting my palms on each side of his hips to brace myself. 

“Right,” he growled. “Open.”

I stuck my tongue out without breaking eye contact, letting Jake know what being on my knees meant. He was still in charge. He could decide. My heart was thumping just from the sight in front of me: My man was a wild one. A wolf that inflamed the fire in me. I let out a satisfied hum when he tangled his hand in my hair, though still a bit unsure.  

Finally I could get a taste of him when he neatly planted the tip of his cock on my waiting tongue. I eagerly circled it around the head before I enveloped it with my lips, waiting for his next move. It was no doubt an obscene sight, and Jake’s breath grew heavy. However, I could still feel his reluctance as his fingertips just gently stroked the back of my head. Done waiting, I took him fully in my mouth, and he immediately rewarded me with the most delicious high-pitched moan. Relaxing my throat and flattening my tongue, I licked the underside of his dick and then I did it again, taking him even deeper this time. 

“Shit!” Jake breathed out, tightening his grip while still letting me be in charge, so I cupped his balls with one hand while I dug my nails into his right buttock with the other as I withdrew a bit to lick off his precum. 

“I said don’t hold back, Jake,” I said as I looked back up with pleading eyes. “Fuck my mouth.”

“Right…,” he repeated, this time sounding a bit more out of breath. I braced myself again and took a deep breath, letting him slide back inside my waiting mouth. My throat contracted around him and I could immediately feel his grip loosen again, so I took the charge and set the pace for a bit, letting him know that I could take it. Jake’s breath quickened and his moans grew louder, and suddenly his hips moved on their own, finally giving me what I had been begging for. 

It sounded delightfully obscene, and I simply couldn’t get enough of how much he obviously liked it. 

Then all of the sudden, he tugged at my hair almost painfully, but it wasn’t to push me down on him this time. Instead, I was being pulled back on my feet, turned around and pushed against the backrest before I could fully comprehend what was going on. I was kneeling on the couch and when I tried to straighten and turn around to see what was going on, I could feel his hand in between my shoulder blades pushing me back down. “Jake… what…”

“Bravo, my love. It was impressive,” he growled. “But you said ‘quite a few things’ and I’m quite intrigued to learn more ‘bout that. Perhaps even to add some more to your list…”

Well, yes, I was still pretty much on my knees, suddenly feeling a bit vulnerable. Jake didn’t spare much time to let me wonder about the possible options. He kneeled down as well and grabbed my butt and the next thing I could feel was his flattened tongue, licking a long stripe all the way up from my clit to my entrance. It made me cry out and my whole body tensed. 

“Well, I suppose we can check this off as a success,” he crooned, with his mouth still so dangerously close I could quite literally feel those words. “But just to be sure, let’s try again.” And then he did. 

My arms gave way and I fell fully forward on my chest with my hair cascading down the other side of the backrest. I felt completely at his mercy and he thrust his tongue into my pussy, fucking me with it. It was one of those moments when your brain completely shuts off. Jake was turning me into a whimpering mess. And then he suddenly stopped, making me groan in frustration.

“Yep,” he blurted out cheerfully. “That was good right? I’ll have to make a mental note.”

I made a mental note to over-pepper his next meal. In my peripheral vision, I saw him stand up.

“Jake, you can’t just l…” 

Well, he didn’t. Before I could finish that sentence, he grabbed my ass again and pushed his dick inside me, making me yelp. “You…,” he sighed. “... just stirred up my curiosity.” He pulled nearly all the way out before he thrust back inside me again. “Gotta… finish this one though.” 

“God, please…,” I whimpered. 

“Please what?”

I didn’t answer. I arched my back as he finally started moving, quickly setting a diabolical pace, hitting my cervix just right to keep me on the verge of pain. It made my thighs shake. Jake grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me back up so that I had to rest my elbows on the backrest again for support. “You told me not to hold back…,” he hissed in my ear. 

“Yeah…”

“Like this?” he continued in that raspy voice that kept me intoxicated. “This is it?”

“YES!”

“Good, because I can’t stop now.”

“Don’t!” I cried out as he thrust in me again with full force. His many pendants kept hitting my back, his rings were no doubt going to leave imprints on my hips, just like his teeth on my shoulder. I intended to wear it with pride. 

“Veela… I can’t,” Jake suddenly whimpered, but I could already tell from the sound of his moans. I was already getting close, myself.

“Then don’t.” 

Jake just moaned in response and his hips suddenly stuttered. He stopped briefly in mid motion, and it filled me with strange anticipation. I literally held my breath. Then it started. Like a soft huff of surprise, followed by a jerky motion of his hips. Then another one, a bit more loud and intense. I squeezed my walls around him as he thrust forward one more time, and it sent us both over the edge. 

Jake didn’t stop. He continued pounding into me until his last drop. I collapsed on the backrest like a ragdoll again, barely aware of his sweaty palm stroking my back.  

“Fuck…,” he breathed out after several more seconds, panting and trying to catch his breath. “That was…”

“Quite an uneventful, lazy Friday,” I chuckled as a whiff of fresh air coming through the window cooled my flushed cheeks. 

He’d been doing his act for so long, he didn’t even break a sweat anymore. But his cheeks were a little pink from all that effort and concentration, and his dark eyes sparkled with the equally vibrant excitement and pride that you knew buzzed within him. 

Something else you’d been doing for years besides watching him perform with bated breath–pining to kiss him, even just once. You were best friends inside and outside of the circus, but it’d never been anything more–not for a single moment. As the years of friendship went on, your wonder as to why waned, but once in a while a pang of confusion struck you. 

Like now, because he wound his arms around you and kissed your cheek and you felt something like you always did connect the two of you. It was a connection stronger than friendship and camaradie–it had to be. 

“Magnificent as always,” you told him, unwilling to let go of the embrace just yet. You stroked your hand down his back, running your fingers over the rhinestones reminiscent of diamonds that bejeweled his sapphire jumpsuit. 

When you both pulled back at the same time, your hands remained on each other’s shoulders and he really did look like an embodiment of the stars, not just because silver stars were stitched onto the fabric but because he himself looked otherworldly. Out of everyone you knew and had ever met, Josh’s inner light shone the brightest and you thought that if he found himself up in the cosmos, he’d be the brightest star of them all. 

“Thank you, darling.” He smiled again and didn’t avert his gaze from your eyes, your eyes that were searching for what you wanted to see so badly beyond his celestial beauty. “So were you.”

You managed not to roll your eyes. Your act had become stale; the novelty may not have been lost on the spectators comfortable in their seats, but it was lost on you. It wasn’t fun anymore. It was just something you had to do and so routine now that you were sure you could do it blindfolded. Well, if you did, perhaps that would add some excitement.

But that wasn’t that excitement you wanted. You wanted more, and you wanted something different. 

Josh’s dressing room was always a little exciting, at least. You’d been inside it hundreds of times, but there was always something new to see–a new picture of your fellow performers, sometimes including you, sometimes including Josh, sometimes both of you; a new piece of artwork that Josh bought from the vendors that often set up outside the circus; new makeup, always shimmery and glittery; sometimes even a trinket you’d found or bought for him.

You sat down on the loveseat, worn out and slightly sunken from all these years of recuperation. Josh planted himself in front of the vanity and wiped away the silver glitter from his eyes and cheeks. Without it, he looked just as beautiful, perhaps even more so, and you became dazed as you watched him.

He noticed. He caught your eye in the mirror and a little smile curved his lips, sort of shy, actually, which was strange. It made the love in your heart spark so viscerally, like there were tiny firecrackers bursting in your chest. 

“What’s it like to be so beautiful?” you asked without thinking. But you’d called him beautiful so many times. If only he knew how profoundly you meant it. 

He turned around in the chair, propped his arms up on the back, and said, “You tell me.”

Looking past him, you studied your own reflection in the mirror. You were beautiful, 

yes–you knew that, but it had become harder to feel that way over time. It should have been the opposite, you supposed, being put on display for thousands almost every night for years. If you weren’t beautiful, you wouldn’t impress people as much as you did. You probably wouldn’t be under the peppermint swirled tent. 

But even being beautiful, Josh still didn’t want you in the way you wanted him. The weight of that perpetual knowledge was especially heavy tonight. You just wanted to get out of there, leave the circus behind, and you wanted to take Josh with you even if you remained only friends. His friendship was more valuable than any amount of applause or money or accolades, and maybe you could handle the dismal dashed dreams of romance better if you didn’t have to see him sparkle so vividly for everyone but you night after night. 

He noticed your blue mood. He abandoned the vanity and sat down next to you, the loveseat forcing your bodies to meet, and in such a kind tone that the firecrackers in your chest burn, asked, “What’s wrong?”

What should you say first? Should you tell him you were drained and wanted to get out of here to start new lives? Or should you be even braver and say the other thing you’d kept to yourself all this time? Either way, you’d be met with rejection, but it was all eating away at you. You couldn’t lie. You didn’t want to lie no matter how much the result of honesty would hurt.

You said what you’d said so many times before that it also wasn’t news, but it was different this time. With your eyes cast down to the floor, your voice was forlorn, almost desperate: “I love you, Josh.” 

For a moment that seemed to stretch into infinity, he didn’t move and didn’t say anything. This was it, you thought–you ruined it. Things would never be the same and now you’d have to leave the circus, but you’d have to leave alone.

But then Josh turned your face to his and inched even closer. Now it was slow-motion; you had enough time to look into his eyes, his irises swirling with their own nebulae, his dilating pupils shining with stars, and for your heart to beat fast with its last bit of hope. It wasn’t like him to be quiet, and the persistent silence prompted a feeling of doom, but instead of using his mouth to speak, he pressed it to yours.

Never had such a simple, soft kiss sparked so much emotion inside you. The hope blossomed into a new knowledge; the answer you’d been silently searching and aching for, and propelled you into a high so great that it was as if you had finally beamed up into Josh’s universe once and for all.

“You’re braver than me,” he said when the kiss broke, although your lips were still touching. “I thought about saying it, but I knew if you didn’t feel the same way, I’d fall right off that fucking tightrope.”

A laugh full of relief and shock and adoration burst out of you. You turned your cheek and covered your mouth to stifle it, but he laughed, too. “No, you wouldn’t,” you managed to say after a final giggle. “You’re too brilliant to ever fail.”

“One failure,” he corrected, surprising you even more by climbing on top of you, urging you to lie back and stare in wide-eyed wonder. “I never told you first.” He kissed you again, this time with a little more fervor, his lips parting, and only broke away to add, “We could have been doing this for years.”

Countless fantasies of exactly this had finally come to fruition. You’d always imagined it happening in his dressing room–where else, really?--and you’d always imagined him being like this–bestowing sweet kisses to your lips while his ever exploratory hands wandered your body. Just him touching your waist made you shudder, and your hands on his waist did the same thing, which solidified the truth just as much as both of your proclamations. 

His kisses that roamed down to your neck made you dizzy and your body feel more alive than might have ever felt. He was a dream come true–maybe that was a cliche, but it was a fact. You’d given up all hope of ever feeling his body tethered to yours, his lips pressing delightfully fizzy kisses to your neck and his hand drifting down to slip beneath your dress. 

“Jesus. This feels like a dream.” You had to say it. It was all too unbelievable, though also undeniable–never in your dreams had it felt this real. His fingers skated over your tights, making the fabric seem to disappear, and then it did for real–he tugged at the waistband and pulled them down enough to touch the inside of your thigh.

“Your costume is a lot easier to get off than mine,” Josh said, leaning back and reaching behind himself. He chuckled and shook his head while blindly grappling with the zipper of his jumpsuit. “For fuck’s sake.”

You sat up to help him out. You’d seen him shirtless before and even regularly got to see the outline of his dick in the skin-tight get-ups, but when he stood up to peel the jumpsuit all the way off, your jaw dropped. 

He giggled and gestured at you. “I feel exposed. Your turn.” 

It was easier for you to reach back and unzip your own costume. The dress fell away and Josh tugged your tights off, then your underwear, and then he was all over you again, grinding his bare groin against yours. Your arms circled his shoulders, keeping him as close as possible; those soft kisses were quickly replaced by deep, hungry ones, the two of you moaning and breathing hard. 

He slipped his hand between your legs, causing sparks to burst there, not just in your heart. It was sort of embarrassing how wet you already were, but it made the slide of two fingers inside you easy, and Josh smiled against your mouth. You knew his expressions so well that you could tell it wasn’t cockiness on his face but pleased relief, the same thing you felt when his cock brushed against your thigh. He was as hard as you were wet, like the years of trepidation keeping the wait almost perpetual had surmounted to a wild need that absolutely had to be fulfilled now.

His fingers pushed in deeper and curled; in tandem with his other hand squeezing your breast, it made you inhale a sharp breath and nip his bottom lip. He giggled, prompting more relief–you’d never want to do anything to even temporarily, mar his beauty, but he was so delectable. 

And that declaration slipped from your lips when he gave you a moment to breathe: “I just wanna eat you up.”

To that, he slowly retrieved his fingers, brought them to his mouth and sucked away your slick before he said, “Same here, hot stuff.”

“God, you’re so crazy.” You sat up and eased him onto his back, trading positions. “I love that about you.” 

His eyes and his smile were both beaming as you nestled between his thighs, then his lashes fluttered when you wrapped your hand around his cock. His skin was fairer than the rest of his golden body from his hips down to his upper thighs–if nothing else, being a part of a traveling circus afforded you days off in many places filled with sun that graced him with a tan. You kept your other hand on his firm thigh and licked all the way up his length, eyes on him to see his reaction which didn’t disappoint–another flutter of lashes sparkled with remnants of silver glitter and his lips parted as a moan slipped out of him.

It was so instinctive with him. You didn’t even need to think–you just followed your own innate lead and his responses told you exactly what he liked. You flicked the tip of your tongue over the head of his cock and he sighed; you drooled over the head and stroked the spit up and down his shaft and he whimpered, such a sweet sound that a tingle radiated through your entire core. 

Deft yet gentle fingers wound in your hair as you began to swallow him. The outline of his dick in all those jumpsuits had given you a preview, sure, but him being hard now and in your mouth was a different story. He was thicker than you’d anticipated, and the first couple inches were already a hefty mouthful. You flattened your tongue as best you could and gave him another stroke as you took a little more of him in; the effort pulled more saliva from the back of your throat, making him so wet that the strokes of your hand coincided with little suction sounds.

His thigh was twitching beneath your hands and his hips were wiggling a bit–very obvious indications that even the slow progression was driving him wild. He brushed his fingers through your hair and moaned your name, and you felt yourself growing even wilder, too.

A dribble of precum coated your tongue. Hungry even for that, you sucked in a sharp breath through your nose and swallowed as much of him as you could, your mouth brushing against your curled fist. 

“Oh god. That’s good, babydoll.” Your eyebrows quirked–it wasn’t an unfamiliar pet name, but hearing it spoken so breathlessly as you blew him was new, of course, and what was normally just cute was hot. He chuckled as if he recognized the change himself, lifted his head to gaze down at you and said, “Dare I say I dreamed about this?”

You pulled off to say, “I did, too. It was hard not to with your skimpy little outfits.” He laughed; you smiled and swirled your tongue around the head of his cock, which made his hips jump and thighs tremble.

You were wet; he was wet. You were ready; no doubt he was, too. You gave him one more slow stroke before you straddled his thighs and slid back and forth, sighing at the feeling of his cock sliding through your wet center.

He perked up, hands on your hips. “I don’t think I have any condoms.”

You smiled in appreciation at his offer–always a gentleman, more so than most of the guys in your past, though there had been fewer and fewer over the years. None of your fellow carnies appealed to you–all but one. “That’s okay,” you said with another pass of your hips. “Finally my birth control will pay off.”

His laugh was a sound full of sparkle and it twinkled through your ears. How lovely it was to be able to laugh like you two always had but now like this, together in the most intimate way possible, with the sounds of the carnival far away and the stage lights gone, Josh’s moon flower beauty bathed in the cool glow of the vanity lights instead. 

It seemed like you both wanted to take this first time slowly, although given how long it’d taken to get here, you didn’t imagine it would take long to reach the finish line. Josh kept his hands idle on your hips as you sank down at a languid pace, taking steady breaths with each thick, hard inch that filled you and brushed against your slick walls. When you made it all the way down and your thighs connected, you moaned at the bump of the head of his cock deep inside you, then whined when Josh abandoned one of your hips to tease your clit. 

Leaning forward allowed you to feel the ridge of his shaft rub your clit, which prompted Josh to bring his hand to the back of your head, reading your mind within. He tangled his fingers in your hair as he beckoned you in for the kisses to begin again, the two of you devouring each other above and below, each pushing and pulling in a seamless way, like all of this really was meant to be, not merely left as a dream.

“You feel fucking wonderful,” he said with his cheek nestled against yours, the words a warm breeze over your ear. His arm around your lower back circled a little tighter, as did his hand in your hair, the light tug making your scalp tingle. Another tug and he eased your head back, his starlit eyes meeting your own. “You’re everything to me.”

“Oh god, so are you,” you managed to say before your eyes shut as Josh bucked his hips, driving himself deeper inside, his cock so warm inside your warm pussy that was still so wet. The push upwards was smooth and easy, and you reciprocated with a grind and a little push backwards, then forward again, moaning at the stimulation to your clit. 

Josh, apparently, decided that wasn’t quite enough, though. He snuck a hand between you, fingers stroking your hip before they touched between your spread thighs. He slid his thumb through your own slick and began to circle it over your clit and then you were really tingling and flying high, each deep breath filling your lungs with the air that smelled more like him than the artificial carnival beyond–a little like sweat, a little like something sugary sweet, and the scent became the taste on your lips when he kissed you once more.

Your moans, some wordless and some whispers of his name, were muffled against his mouth as you reached the ultimate height. You could stay up there forever, with your heart racing and Josh’s beautiful face shining in your eyes when they opened again. 

The shudder that ran through your body seemed to run through Josh’s, too. His back arched and his hips lifted from the loveseat, pushing in deeper still, then he tucked his face against your chest. His pants warmed your tender skin and his hair tickled your breasts as you held each other and he moaned out his own release and reached his own high, one that superseded even the tightrope he had mastered.

You laid down on top of him, refusing to disconnect at all. Your racing heartbeat had already slowed to a pleasant little thrum, and Josh’s breaths gradually became less ragged and more like satiated sighs. He traced lines and shapes over your back and shoulders–maybe even stars and the moon. Who could know? But the idea of the cosmos being written in ink only he could see urged you to close your eyes and imagine just that.

There was more to the world than a circus tent. There was a whole universe out there waiting, even calling out to the two of you.

“We’ve always said we’re a team,” you said, making the necessary adjustments to prop your chin up on his chest. “We stick together, right?”

Josh’s fervent nod was affirmation enough, but he also said, “Absolutely.”

You were brave before; you could be brave again. “I’ve been wanting to say something else to you, too.” His eyebrows rose slightly and quickly, clearly intrigued. “I don’t want us to be stuck under this tent forever. There’s a lot more we could do. We should see the world, but we should see it on our terms and not have to put on a show to do it.”

The gamble really came down to Josh’s proclivity for showmanship and performance. He likely wouldn’t want to give that up, but you could think of so many other ways he could shine like a star and gleam like the heavens.

“Maybe we should,” he said, expectedly noncommittal–you knew it was a lot to take in and a big decision to make, one that would take longer than a night. But then he sat up and clasped your hands to take you with him. “Damn it, we should, shouldn’t we? After all, we’re adventurers.” He freed one hand to wave around the dressing room, his body lively again. “We’re gentle renegades. We can’t be tied down.” 

All true, and the declarations made you laugh. Josh was a free spirit through and through; wherever he went, he’d fly. Wherever you went together, the two of you would soar, maybe even right up to the stars. 

---

Sam padded back into the living room and you glanced up seeing him with a handful of paintbrushes in one hand and a small plastic paint palette in the other and various paints under his arm. He grinned at you as you raised a curious eyebrow. 

“I had an idea.” he knelt down next to you again and began setting down his paints. His now free hand came back to your uncovered back, and he gently dragged a finger across it, following a pattern you couldn’t see. “You have so many freckles and little moles on your back.”

“Are you going to paint circles around which ones you think may be melanoma and send me to the doctor?” you deadpanned, making Sam snort a laugh. 

“No, but I am going to paint them,” he confirmed. “They all look like little constellations.” you could hear him moving things around beside you, and the sound of paint being squeezed from a tube. You let Sam prep his tools in peace, gathering your hair forward to make sure it was out of the way and going back to petting Rose until you sucked in a harsh breath that startled the animal. 

“Oh that’s so cold!” you gasped sharply as Sam painted a thick line across your back. Your skin pimpled in goosebumps again and a shiver went down your spine. 

“Sorry, I couldn’t warm it up.” Sam chuckled. “Try and stay still, okay?” You mumbled an affirmative reply and laid your head on your folded hands, beginning to enjoy the feeling of the cool paint and the steady brush strokes on your skin. It felt almost therapeutic, lulling you back into relaxation. The movie that had been playing had long since ended, the room silent save for the occasional sounds of Sam tapping a brush against the plastic palette while mixing colors or humming gently under his breath. 

“This is the draconius constellation,” Sam murmured as he drew long, languid lines between a few freckles and a small arch happening in the middle near your left shoulder blade. “It looks like a dragon floating in the sky.” It was quiet as he paused, looking over your body for the dots he made to track where every mark was. He squinted at them, before picking out another shape. 

“What’s this one?”

“This is the love galaxy.” he hummed, slowly tracing a crooked heart shape toward the center of your back in white lines before beginning to add more colors to it. 

“Ooh a love galaxy,” you muttered, shimmying your body minimally, yet enough to cause Sam to softly chastise you for nearly ruining his work. “Sounds groovy.”

“It is groovy,” Sam agreed, his tone full of concentration. “The very center of it, there’s a planet named after you.”

“There is?”

“Mmhm. And another one that orbits it named Sam.” You grinned, though Sam couldn’t see it. 

“Are you saying the world revolves around me?”

“Mine does,” Sam answered honestly. “And then the planet Sam has two moons, and they both orbit him, and they’re named Rose and Fox, respectively.” You imagined your dogs as two round planets, circling Sam and yourself and giggled. 

Sam continued painting and connecting the various dots on your back, humming and explaining names and backstories for each constellation and galaxy he created. 

“This constellation houses a dwarf planet and only people who like good music live there.” and “this star's gasses are actually a perfume that lures space travelers toward it, then when they step out onto the lush atmosphere, they die instantly. Then their bodies decompose and the star gains the nutrients and continues its cycle.” 

“And what did you just paint?” You asked, feeling Sam paint a few circles toward your lower back. 

“Oh that’s the Dagobah system.” his reply was so simple and matter-of-fact you couldn’t help but laugh loudly. 

“Does that mean I’m carrying Yoda on my back?”

“Yes, young padawan.” Sam did his best impression of the character before joining you in rumbling laughter. 

“We haven’t watched those in forever, we should soon.” you sighed.

“We can see if Daniel wants to come over for a marathon,” Sam suggested and you hummed a confirmation as he got back to painting. After a little while longer, he finally completed his galactic masterpiece, again instructing you to stay where you were and not to move as he jumped and ran out of the room. When he came back, he had his film camera in his hand, and began messing with the lamps in the room, getting the perfect lighting between them and the Saturday mid-morning sun filtering through the gauzy curtains. 

After a few photos on the camera, a few on his phone, and two polaroids he was satisfied, and helped you stand from the floor without making a mess. 

“I hate to wash all this off,” you sighed, looking at the polaroid Sam handed you. He stood next to you, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear before placing a kiss to your cheek. 

“Well, what if I wash it off for you?” He suggested softly, taking the photo from your hands gently. “And then we can go out and get some snacks and invite Daniel over for part one of our Star Wars marathon.”

“I think that sounds wonderful,” you reply, turning your head and capturing his lips in a soft, sweet kiss. 

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~

You were woken up suddenly by the sound of crackling thunder. Your boyfriend Jake wasn’t bothered in the slightest. You let your eyes adjust to the darkness, and turned towards Jake.

“Jakey?” You sighed when he didn’t respond. “Jakey are you awake?” You knew he wasn’t, but tried anyways. You laid your head on his chest, and listened to his heart beat before drifting back to sleep.

~

The thunder woke you yet again. This time Jakes arm rested protectively around your waist. “Mmm Jakey you awake?”.

“Nope still asleep doll” Jake awaited the giggle that was sure to leave you. Surely enough he was right, and a soft giggle escaped you “Right”

“Shhh just listen to the rain” he said. You both fell quite as Jake drifted back to sleep.

“Jakey?”

You shook him … no response. Jake is the most heaviest sleeper you’ve ever met. The world could be falling apart, and he’d still be passed out. You gently laid against him chest to chest. You felt his semi-hard cock against your leg.

You slowly moved down till your lips met his boxers. You kissed him through the cloth before sliding them down. “Hmm” he stired, but didn’t wake. You licked up the side of him, and his hand found it’s place in your hair. You moved the cover back, and his eyes were still shut.

You questioned if he was still asleep, but continued anyways. He harden against your mouth, and then pushed you down. He’s awake. You took him in all the way as he shoved you down deeper. You pulled off his cock with a pop.

“Morning” he said softly.

You didn’t respond, and just swirled your tongue on his tip. You began to suck, and his grip got tighter. “All the way” he said in a low voice. You began to take him in again, and he pushed you down till your nose brushed against his pubic hair. He kept you there till you began to squirm. He pulled you off by your hair, and he let you catch your breath. He did that several more times before you couldn’t take it anymore.

You pulled at his shirt, and he pulled you off immediately “I can’t Jake” you whined.

“Shh pretty girl” he soothed you. “One more time baby”

You whimpered, but obeyed his quest. Letting him guide you, as you tried not to gag.

“Up sweetheart” he patted on his lower belly, telling you to straddle him.

You climbed up him in a hurry, and sat just below his cock. He let you take control which you found odd because it’s very unusual. Jake is very dominant not just during sex, but during your day to day life. Your lucky if he lets you be in charge, and it’s usually if he’s tired or had a long day.

You placed your hand around him, and gently rubbed his tip against your clit. “Does that feel good?”

You nodded your head locking eyes with him. “You know better than that. Use your words”

“Yes” you said softly, and began to line him up.

You slid the tip in, and slowly sank down on him. Instantly his hands found their home on your hips. Instead of moving you sat there feeling him. “Gonna sit in my cock for a while sweet girl?”

“Can I?” You asked him. He laughed softly at the innocences of the question.

“Yes darling” a simple response when really he wanted to pour his heart into you. To tell you how much he loves you. How innocent you made a dirty question seem. ‘Of course you can sit there. You can stay there forever if you’d like’

“Thank you” you said breaking his heart from all the love he feels from you. Everything you do makes him fall harder in love.

“The rain is so nice Jakey” you said starting a casual conversation as if his cock wasn’t buried deep inside you.

“It’s very lovely baby. Did you sleep good?” Jake asked continuing on the conversation.

“I woke up a couple times cause of the thunder, but yes I did” you squeezed around him.

“I can feel that love” Jake told you.

“I know you can baby” you rolled your hips.

“Is the conversation boring you doll?”

“Yes your quite boring Jakey”

He just smiled up at you as you began to grind back and forth. His hands that never left your hips began to move with you. “Jakey?”

“What is it sweetheart?”

“I love you”

“I love you too princess. I always will”

You arched your back, and your hands gripped his thighs. He began to circle your clit with his thumb as you picked up your pace.

“Jakey” you said his name, but with nothing to say.

“Yes dear?” You had no response you just needed his voice.

As you bucked your hips frantically overstimulation began to take you over. “ Jakey please”

“I’m here. I’m right here. Fall if you need to I’ll catch you”

Without anymore words spoken you collapsed on his chest. He thrusted up into you, and you place soft kisses on his neck. He came to a stop a told you to lay on your side. A hand snaked around your waist, and he slowly slid himself into you. He threw the covers up around the both of you, and gently fucked into you as you listen to the rain hit the windows. With both his arms now wrapped around you he picked up his pace.

You dropped a hand down to your clit, and began circling with your fingers. Jake moved your hand a took over. Your moans became cries as he fucked you just right. You cried out for him over and over. You began squeezing around him as your body slowly went limp.

“Gonna cum for me now angel?”

You’ve lost your sense of grammar, and just frantically nodded your head. Any other time he tell you to ‘use your words’, but he let this one slide. You gripped his arm as hard as you could. “Just let go I’ve got you. I’ll take good care of you pretty girl. Just let go”

Your orgasm crashed against him. Making your whole body shake with pleasure. Your eyes rolled back, and your vision went dark. “Such a good girl”

“Jake” you shouted. He didn’t have to ask what you needed. He knew you couldn’t take much more.

“I’m right behind you my love. I’m right there. Right fucking there” he released into you with one last thrust.

“Don’t leave yet” you said as he went to pull out.